LOL: Last One Laughing Germany (2021) s01e02 Episode Script

1
Awesome, isn't it?
-This is awesome.
-I love it.
-Of course.
-Excellent.
Bye, bye.
With pleasure.
Look at that!
Look at Torsten's expression!
Don't we work together?
If we all eat celery, we'll all
Max, can I help you?
That's such a pity, Max.
It makes me sad.
What are you doing?
May I do it?
What are you doing?
I couldn't care less why he does it
as long as it's not funny.
Just the top, please. I'd like a tonsure.
-A tonsure?
-Up to here.
-I'll shave a little more here.
-Please, leave it!
-Like this?
-I'd leave it as it is.
I'll make a little transition.
If Caro likes it, it is good.
He shaved off his hair.
What is it with this guy?
-Done.
-Great.
-Yes, very nice.
-Thank you.
Max's hair was very intimidating to me
because it showed me how determined
my colleagues were to win.
Some won't even stop at self-mutilation
to obtain victory.
I'm not prepared for that.
-It's a pity.
-It was time, though.
Time!
Yes, I have to.
-Oh, God.
-Did anyone laugh?
Was it you?
-What's wrong?
-Who was it?
Not me.
What are you doing, Max?
Everything for the show.
I hope it was worth it.
I think it was.
Let's take a look?
-We can laugh now.
-Let's go look.
Attention!
I thought I'd stick it out.
But muscles get tired.
We've been around some time,
but respect to Max.
Yes, that's fine. Okay.
-Sorry.
-No worries.
Sorry, Mirco.
Fuck, man.
Looks good, though. You always do.
I'm glad I at least claimed
one of Mirco's lives
so shaving wasn't in vain.
I hope they won't start
chopping off other parts.
Attention! Let's continue!
-It's mine.
-What are you doing?
-With this? Music.
-Cool.
I'm about to
Wait until everyone's had their turn,
and then maybe.
-Don't you want to have a go?
-In a minute.
-Where are you going, Caro?
-I prepared something.
Sorry, that was loud.
I just wanted to tell you a short story.
The first thing I ever got paid for on TV
We're all ears.
It was a comedy show.
I did a lot of dubbing,
and the show needed lots of fart noises,
but they all sounded horrible.
My colleague noticed
that I'm an incredibly good
flatulence dubber.
That's why I'd like
to give you a demonstration today.
My God!
As you will want to hear
very unfunny farts,
I prepared slips of paper.
You can pick one, read it out,
and I will demonstrate the fart for you.
-I'll pick one.
-Will you?
You're drawing one?
-Yes.
-I thought I might be spared. Thank you.
I draw a slip of paper
with a fart description on it,
which she performed.
That's exactly the kind of thing
that brings you down.
So you'll interpret
the described flatulence?
Yes.
Anyone else?
That's all. The others can improvise.
I can't read this out.
-Can I start?
-Yes.
-A baby fart.
-A baby fart, okay.
The fart act is very dangerous.
She's a great farter.
-Okay, may I?
-Yes.
"I thought it would be a quiet fart,
"but it changed its mind."
-Spectacular.
-I'd have done the same.
Great!
She should do that more often.
It's a great addition
to her oeuvre.
Is that a natural talent or
I think my parents noticed at some point,
but they kept my feet on the ground,
not like, "Go, practice!"
Unsupportive.
What a messed-up show.
What kind of show is this?
-Anyone else?
-"Spent carnival at the bar.
Drank beer for 12 hours straight.
The morning after."
I'm eating.
Respect. Great job.
I've got another one.
Yes?
"A dog wakes itself up farting."
Sorry?
-A dog wakes up farting.
-A dog?
Look forward to it.
That's a yoga exercise.
Yes.
Yup.
I'm finished.
-Great.
-Bravo.
That's really
I can read it out as Rolf Schult.
Please!
"Dry fart that has a wet tail."
Oh, the soup is getting cold.
She must have prepared in advance,
with a small team, maybe,
who'd say, "Not quite a beer fart.
I would try to give it
more of an atonal spin."
And Carolin goes, "Thank you. Noted."
I think it's all out.
-Bravo!
-Thank you.
Bravo!
It's not just the performances
that are funny.
I simply crack up when I see
what they're going through.
Why did you do that, Max?
I've always wanted to look like you.
No, I've been really wanting to do it.
Should I shave it all off for you?
Later, please.
"Should I shave it all off for you?"
"Should I shave it all off for you?" Yes.
Who is gone?
-Teddy.
-Oh, God. Teddy left?
-That's not good.
-No.
I picked the next act,
and more or less prepared,
and more or less tried it out
over the past months.
This is a living python.
I'm glad he's got that flute out again.
When he played the flute of death,
I thought, "I'm gone."
Or I'll whack him on the head with it.
I've practiced this a long time
with my left nostril.
During the snake act,
Kurt Krömer said to me,
"Barbara, is everything okay?
"I get the feeling you're not well."
-I'm here for you.
-Okay, I'm fine. Thank you.
In this case, the parrot will join
if that's okay with you guys.
When you're part of the audience
and you notice
someone else is really struggling,
you almost find that funnier
than the actual performance.
I'd like to turn to the group
and ask everyone what they just felt.
I'd like to turn to the
Oh, I've choked on something.
Oh, no, the python is flipping out.
Oh, no, this is getting dangerous.
Oh, fuck! It bit me in the neck!
It's biting me in the neck!
Oh, it's getting dangerous now!
Oh, good heavens!
That's it.
-Bravo!
-Thanks.
For God's sake.
I'm really glad it's over.
Don't you think it's bad for your body
to hold back like that?
-We're all getting ill.
-Yes.
-I prepared something.
-No!
No, give us a little break.
It's tender.
I tried to describe each of us
in one sentence.
Barbara Schöneberger
"Like Brigitte Bardot,
just loud and with her own magazine."
Or you, Carolin.
"A friend to drink and fart with,
"if her great optics
didn't get in the way."
Don't understand
why optics get in the way.
It's a win-win-win situation.
Mirco Nontschew.
"A comedian so great
he doesn't need to do it for a living
or he cannot spare the time
because he is too busy
shagging the Duracell bunny all day."
Or Max Giermann
"The Fantômas of commercial TV.
"The only real worker here.
"Wears 1,000 masks,
imitates anything at all,
"only his fair-haired-marzipan-piggy-
home-time-face is slightly irritating."
-Yes.
-That's nice.
Anke Engelke
"Perfection impersonated.
"A long-timer
who moderated her own childbirth.
"Doesn't age, is good at everything.
"So much perfection is scary.
"We'd feel better
if she had a wooden leg."
Yes, I agree.
Ah, here. Wigald Boning.
"A very smart man, and well-traveled,
"who dresses exclusively in clothes
"a trained duck picks randomly
from among his Nick Knatterton equipment."
-Thank you very much.
-Bravo.
This is the best job ever.
I just get to watch.
It's impossible for Bully
to watch quietly for six hours.
He's prepared something,
as sure as eggs is eggs.
-Whenever it's someone's turn
-One hour.
There, look! Bully!
-Hello, friends. Can you see me?
-What?
Listen, guys. You're doing great.
So I want to reward you.
We reached out to somebody
-who I never expected
-Oh, no!
-Really, at first I thought it's a joke.
-No, that's not fair!
I thought it was a joke,
but he took it seriously,
and he took time off.
-He came here for you today.
-No!
I present to you Please sit down.
He needs your full attention.
He deserves it.
He's a superstar.
He came here from England.
Here is, for you,
ladies and gentlemen, Bono!
What?
I see Heino.
Mirco's sitting next to me,
so I say to him,
"Can you believe Max?
Now he dresses up as Heino."
Mirco replies, "No, Max is back there."
I'm, "That's not Max!
That's the real one!"
There is no land near and far
More beautiful than ours at this time
When we gather 'neath the linden trees
Maybe we already left our bodies
and entered another dimension.
Maybe we're already dead
and we're in hell.
When we gather
'Neath the linden trees
As night falls
Then I thought to myself,
"Why is he holding a balloon?"
Oh, no! Oh, God, no!
No, no.
There we sat many an hour
In a joyful get-together
That was really awful.
I thought, "What's going on here?"
And sang along
The songs resounded
In the oak grove
Time for thigh knocks.
I just hit my leg so I could feel myself.
-Not again, please!
-Not the balloon again.
May we meet again in this valley
Many thousand times
God may gift it
God may grant it
He has the grace
God may gift it
God may grant it
He has the grace
He sang two verses with gas.
It's almost like being tortured.
You keep thinking,
"Time's up. Stop it already."
Now brothers, I bid ye good night
The Lord up in heaven
Is keeping watch
In his goodness he is prepared
To protect us
In his goodness
He is prepared
To protect us
Bravo!
-Did someone laugh?
-No,
I tormented myself
to the uttermost extent, it wasn't me.
It wasn't me, either.
-It wasn't you, either. You hurt yourself.
-I hurt myself.
-Hey.
-Can we laugh now?
Yes, relax.
Relax?
I'm afraid we have to buzz someone.
Here is the video evidence.
-Me? No!
-Rick?
-Barbara!
-Oh, no!
I don't want to leave yet, it's so fun.
I'm really sad. Really.
I've never wanted so badly
to continue something.
Normally, I don't care,
but it's just so incredibly funny.
I have to leave?
My bet on her was 10 minutes.
I think you got incredibly far.
Let me escort you to the buzzer.
-Oh, no!
-It's heartbreaking!
It really is heartbreaking.
Really.
-Shall I do it for you?
-No, it's okay.
Oh, no!
I speak for all of us, better you than me.
Yes, well put.
Looking back, I needed more lives.
Weaker contenders need more lives.
Torsten needs one, I need seven or eight.
Ready for the next round.
Brace yourselves!
I've seen Heino before, but
I performed with Heino once.
What were your strangest TV moments?
-The one just now.
-Yes, that was pretty close.
I thought to myself,
"What a strange moment.
Heino on helium, and nobody's laughing."
Okay, we just activated the fridge.
Next time they open the fridge,
an animal will appear.
Close the door, you'll break my nuts.
I'm dying.
I thought it quite mean of Bully
to hide so many things in the set.
We weren't warned.
I'll tell you, Bully, that was mean.
We all know that.
At some point, I just said,
let's pull through with it.
Oh, Torsten!
It's here for us to use.
Did you go outside, Torsten?
Something's off.
You change your shirt?
Look at Carolin!
I really want chocolate now.
I could gobble up tons of it.
I was constantly eating something
to distract myself.
It does something to you, doesn't it?
This whole situation here.
It does something, but
Definitely.
You thought you knew
what to expect, but no!
There's no way to know.
That's what makes live comedy so precious.
I wanted to ask something, Teddy.
The character I play is Swabian.
Could you give me some tips, please?
I'm delighted with anyone predictable,
but nobody was.
-Man!
-Ted?
Teddy, would you be so kind?
With your looks, it's a simple matter.
Tell me, how do you do it?
Barbara is out now,
but we still have
some bride material left.
What? Prey material?
-Bride material, yes.
-Bride material?
Take a guy like him. He's on the lookout.
How do I do that?
With your looks,
with your hair, they notice you.
You make the girls go, "Ah!"
On your forehead, girls like that.
And then what?
You need chest hair first.
I've got plenty of chest hair, pal.
I got the feeling that Rick
had mentally loaded his shotgun
to finish us all off.
Where do you come from originally?
Because you
From the area.
-From the area.
-The area of Naples.
Naples? Italian?
Southern Italy?
Are you involved with the Camorra?
Wrong question?
Oh, it's dangerous!
I had to leave, but he came after me.
Get a grip, Teddy, what's wrong with me?
-Asshole!
-I just asked a question.
How he's
That's not cool, okay?
He called me asshole.
He almost had me there.
It annoys me that I sound different
from what I intended.
I didn't want Swabian.
Have you had this problem?
You don't want to speak Swabian,
but when you go out, a Klinsmann slips in,
and you're lisping, too.
A Klinsmann very rarely slips into me.
You're used to getting some feedback
from your audience.
When nobody laughs, that's hell.
They just looked at me.
Teddy. Finally.
Your friend was a little agitated.
When I asked him about the Mafia,
without bad intentions,
-and then
-Did he run off?
Exactly.
I have no idea.
Hessian? Where are you?
That's not Hessian.
I was trying to learn Swabian.
-Okay.
-No Hessian here.
No one is Hessian here.
Maybe he's Hessian.
I try to turn off.
I try to let everything they say
just fly past me.
You're great!
I've always wanted to watch Anke as she
Look, she takes a single streak
Don't walk away, dear,
I just wanted to say hello
Rick, careful you don't
get stuck in character!
He burst out laughing, didn't he?
Yes.
-Do we have to leave?
-Shit.
Was it you? You?
Really? You've got one left, though.
Fuck.
-I can't believe it.
-I'm afraid so.
If you please.
What a freak show!
A freak show!
Bully, what did you do yesterday?
Met some nice friends
Right. I hate to interrupt,
but we caught someone.
-Oh, no!
-Yes, we caught someone.
I don't know what's so funny, either.
But here's the video evidence.
How subtle!
You forgot! You forgot, didn't you?
Great acting.
I just lost control for a moment.
I suddenly went
This grin came to my face and
So far, you may stay, it's getting dicey.
How's Barbara?
-Barbara is fine.
-I'm bored!
-Greetings!
-Send her back in, she's bored.
Let's s see how it goes,
maybe I'll send her in. Who knows?
I didn't notice anything. I swear.
As an actor, you think
you can control your body,
but I had no control at all.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
-You were great, terrific.
-I had, like, tunnel vision,
but then I had to laugh.
Unbelievable. It's so hard.
Friends, I hate to say it,
the party is over.
-Anke?
-Over here.
I brought you something. A chef's apron.
Mind your hair.
And I think you need to wear this
on your head.
I didn't want to just do parodies.
You need to work
with an element of surprise.
So I thought, a silly magic gag
might be funny.
That magician was born in the locker room.
I found a mustache.
I didn't really think about
how I'd perform the magic act.
What's Max doing there?
Max as a magician is really funny
because I totally dig tall men
who look awkward in their clothes.
I love it. Look at Carolin!
That was one of the worst moments for me.
That's good enough for Las Vegas.
Bravo!
There was a moment
that almost sent me over the edge,
the pistol and the bullet.
My God, how ridiculous is that act?
It just won't end.
The costume, the haircut, the mustache,
and then these magic tricks
along with that music
was the funniest thing
I've seen in a long time.
-More.
-Wow.
-Yes!
-Bravo!
Awesome!
People clapped,
which is nice when you do magic,
but I'm not sure
I got them under my spell.
Anke, that costume looks good on you.
She's hard to crack.
The hat makes you look pale.
This is a pan with two eggs,
and a sausage going over the edge.
I think the costume
has a touch of indecency.
You couldn't look anywhere anymore.
If you look left,
Anke Engelke is wearing
a sausage and egg hat.
If that sets me on the razor's edge,
what'll be next?
I'd laugh at the sausage, but we can't.
-No.
-No.
Anke, just leave it on.
-Put the sausage at the back.
-I think so, too.
-That's really different!
-You're a whole new person.
The situation was quite relaxed.
You wonder why anyone laughed.
Right?
What happened?
We have video evidence,
which I won't keep from you.
How is your stomach?
What is wrong with people?
He's a sick man! A very sick man!
Catch!
We were just playing with fire.
I've got to buzz.
Who was that?
I don't know what's going on with Torsten.
-That was the second time.
-Oh, no!
If I'd known that he would do that,
I wouldn't have come on.
Shut up, you stupid sow.
-I got it.
-Shut up.