Lucky Hank (2023) s01e02 Episode Script
George Saunders
1
MAN: Could you please, just
for once, say something?
You're here! At Realton College!
Mediocrity's capital!
I think I inspired myself
to work on my novel.
Well, I love it when you
start your second novel,
it's usually a wonderful
time in our marriage.
It should be painfully
clear to you by now,
your time, sir, it's up!
All right, let's all
be, uh, careful here.
I can't be canceled, I have tenure.
This is Marni Cole from
your father's office.
[♪♪]
[RAPID TYPING]
["I'LL FLY AWAY" BY THE
MIGHTY INDIANA PLAYING]
Some glad morning ♪
[MAN NEARBY LAUGHING]
When this old life is over ♪
[LAUGHING LOUDLY]
Oh, I ♪
[LAUGHING CONTINUES]
[♪♪]
[LAUGHING CONTINUES]
I'll fly away ♪
Listen! ♪
I want to hear ♪
David play the horn ♪
Form, content,
both of these play a part,
but what do you think is more important?
Well, I think form should
follow content, always,
but, you know,
sometimes, form can be
its own kind of content.
Right, right, so interesting.
Now, let me take a moment to
ask a more prosaic question.
How did you each get published?
Well, I slept with his father.
Ah!
[LAUGHTER]
Right there,
the secret to success,
ladies and gentlemen.
A more prosaic question.
How did you each get published?
Well, I slept with his father.
Ah!
[LAUGHTER]
Right there,
the secret to success,
ladies and gentlemen.
That's how you play the game.
I'll fly away ♪
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
- [HANK] I'm not doing it.
- Of course you are.
- No.
- Hank!
No, I don't see the value of it.
In having a live, onstage conversation
- with George Saunders?
- No.
Booker Prize-winning George Saunders?
British prize. Very pretentious.
Also a finalist for
the National Book Award.
Mm
Named one of the 100 most
influential people by Time magazine.
Time magazine isn't what it used to be.
He had a MacArthur Fellowship.
I have kidney stones, so we're even.
I'm sorry about the kidney stones.
Take your pills. I
have some if you want.
But there are other issues.
With the impending budget cuts,
it's distasteful to be paying this
guy 10 grand, for a one-hour talk.
Ten grand, I wish.
What, 20 grand?
Thirty?
Fifty? For Christ sakes!
This was settled weeks ago.
Why are you bringing this up now?
I'm concerned that I might
accidentally say something
really consistent with my personality,
but inconsistent with
a modern college campus.
- That's valid.
- Yeah.
And I don't want to talk you
into doing anything that
you don't want to do.
He didn't want you either.
But the public at large does.
Wait, what did you just say?
He he wants you to be okay with this
because he's okay with this.
Why wouldn't he be okay with this?
Look, Hank, I spoke
on the phone with him.
When he gets here, you guys chat.
You're old friends, right?
I know that. What did you tell him?
I told him you'd be honored.
I am honored, but I still want out.
- No.
- Why not?
Because there's thousands of posters
plastered all over campus,
and I know that you're
gonna be great at this
because there's not a fiction writer
within 50 miles who's in your league,
and everyone knows
that, and you're our guy.
Get Finny to do it.
Finny will ask a question for 45 minutes
and it won't even be a question.
- Well, who is it?
- What?
The writer within 50 miles of here?
Okay! Get out of here.
[♪♪]
[HANK SIGHS]
[HANK, THINKING]
You get to a certain age
and you lose all faith in experts.
[WINCES]
I know how well I do my job,
and to think others are
working at the same level
that's completely unacceptable
especially doctors.
I'm not denying your symptoms,
but their cause isn't kidney stones.
[HANK] And as a teacher,
I see through guys like this.
I mean, he was right in
the middle of his class
maybe in the bottom third.
[HANK] in excruciating pain.
I'm looking at a B-minus
assessment of my medical problems.
I mean, I'm sweating.
I almost pass out during racquetball.
I think you're ignoring
some obvious facts.
My father had kidney stones.
[DOCTOR] You've mentioned.
And his father did.
[DOCTOR] You don't want kidney stones.
Little monsters with jagged edges
that can tear the lining off your penis.
Jesus.
What did you really need
You know what?
If it's not too much trouble,
I think I want a second opinion.
- What about you?
- She's not a radiologist.
She's not allowed to evaluate results.
It could be due to stress.
That's your go-to, right?
- All doctors say that.
- I rarely say that.
You have the floor.
She's not going to contradict me.
Okay, I guess you've
thought of everything.
[LILY] So you're saying
there's no way that
this could be stress?
It's embarrassing.
[SIGHS]
We started on the same level.
In fact, I think I was better
regarded, for about 10 days.
My book review was on a Wednesday,
and then the sales figures
came in the next Thursday,
so eight days.
Eight days.
Hank, you
you're sharing the stage with him.
Yeah. The last time
I did that, it sucked.
It's an honor.
There's a fine line between honor
and "I wish I never met that dickhead."
[HANK, THINKING]
What is it about writing
that attracts so many dickheads?
I mean, somehow,
the need to tell everyone
about your rich inner life
it's irresistible,
but why would anyone care
about somebody else's rich inner life?
Have a rich outer life for
the rest of us to enjoy.
"The warm wood on her forearms."
[MADISON] Oh!
Oh, yeah, I did use that.
I'm so sorry.
I plagiarized myself.
No, no, no, no, no. No.
Don't pass judgement.
You just
you have to press yourself.
You have to think past
the images that you
already own so that
[ENGINE REVVING]
- That's the way
- [ENGINE REVVING]
Why don't we take three minutes?
- [ENGINE REVVING]
- I swear I don't even remember writing that.
[ENGINE REVVING]
[ENGINE REVVING]
Dickhead.
[SOLANGE] I don't understand
why you don't just talk to him.
[GRACIE] Professor Rourke
is not the kind of man
who responds to reason,
especially not from someone like me.
Hmm.
He's a misogynist, isn't he?
Sometimes, the male brain
isn't developed enough
to understand its cruelty.
He bullies you.
[♪♪]
[CAR HORN HONKS TWICE]
Right here.
[♪♪]
- George.
- Hank.
Hey, man, thanks for inviting me.
Yeah.
My students are so excited,
they've been talking about
nothing else for weeks.
I mean, they can't believe
that I actually know you.
Oh.
Well, my students can't
believe I know you.
[HANK] Your students don't
know who I am, do they?
[GEORGE] A couple do. You
know, I told them about you.
[HANK] Oh, okay.
I gotta introduce you to the
department or they'll kill me.
"I am not exactly dressed
for standing on the moon,
which, as I understand
it, is super cold."
That's from my New Yorker
Your victory lap, yeah,
New Yorker, October 2009.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Well, thanks.
Oh
Your editor's wife is
our friend's sister.
Oh. Well.
How's your hotel?
I take it they have you
at the Moderna Center?
[GEORGE] No, it was all full.
There's a field hockey
team staying there.
Big game tonight.
Oh.
Yeah, they have me at The Drake,
which is really lovely.
Although there's a
crane outside my window,
and I had a dream last night
of a talking wrecking ball,
and it said I was going to
be late for the presentation,
that I suck, that
nobody likes me, like
Grace DuBois.
Oh, nice to meet you.
You must leave there at
once. Come stay with me.
- We have a guest room.
- I have a guest house!
- You do not.
- It's above the garage. You've seen it.
It sounds lovely, but I
But there's no lock strong
enough to make you feel secure.
It even has its own fridge
and a hot plate if
you are a tea drinker.
[CHUCKLING]
I'm so sorry.
They have me on a bit of a schedule,
but I hope to see you
all at the talk later.
Yes, yes.
I might make it.
I have stuff to do.
I hope you can come by.
I probably won't be there.
All right, well, I'll
just, I'll walk you out.
Yeah.
"Charming eagles was a family trait.
He didn't know how he did it,
he just looked at them
and thought about them
crashing into a cliff's face.
The white-chested eagle,
commanded by a mysterious
force it didn't understand,
smashed itself."
Interesting.
Should I read more?
[HANK] No, no.
- Go ahead.
- Uh, okay, thanks.
Um, yeah, you're always escalating.
I love that.
That's a very rare thing,
and it seems to come
very naturally to you.
Yeah, yeah, it does.
So we want to enforce escalation,
even on the line level.
If the eagle has a white chest,
we can assume the reader
already knows that, right?
Cut.
And if the force is mysterious,
do we need to say the
eagle didn't understand?
That's implied. Cut.
You know, and a lot of
this is just habitual.
Yeah, he's just saying edit yourself.
Yes, but if you want to be excellent,
you have to reject the habitual.
That is where mediocrity
lives, in the habitual.
That is how you will distinguish
yourself from other writers
and start to sound more like you.
Holy shit.
Uh, yeah, I kinda always knew
there was this whole other level,
but just didn't know how to get there
because no one ever really
taught me how to do that before, but
Okay, that's enough.
That's good from you
We do have other
You know, we're almost out of time.
I have plenty of time, actually.
Well, we're running out of time.
Are you sure? I thought
you said we had
Yeah, my watch
I don't know if you
It's earlier than you said it would be.
I'd like a word, Paul.
Paul.
You don't have to say my name
every time you talk to me.
I've spoken to you about
the loudness of your car
There's nothing wrong with my car.
before and nothing has changed.
Or ever will change.
It disrupts my class.
Huh.
Not more than your teaching.
How did you get like this?
What mis-turn did you take?
I am allowed to drive
the car that I want.
I'm allowed to take care of it,
and it likes to be revved.
It's good at it.
What I don't understand
is how anyone has come to think
that they have the right
not to be impacted by others.
How about that wrong turn?
Basic consideration wouldn't kill you.
Well, it so happens that
I am an at-risk individual
with regards to basic consideration.
I can't risk it.
"Paul "
"Paul "
[CHUCKLES]
Why'd you say that to George?
Do you think he noticed?
Yeah.
Oh
I don't know why I do this.
It's only people I admire, you know.
Rude stuff just comes out.
Mm.
You want some advice?
From you, no?
Ah! Sorry.
I'm like a freight train
that can't stop with insults.
[♪♪]
Excuse me, is Myrna here?
Myrna.
Professor Du-Boise.
Green Subaru Outback,
RBG bumper sticker.
Green Outback, RBG bumper sticker.
If I remember correctly, Myrna,
you
are a top-shelf tequila gal,
am I right?
Flannery O'Connor said,
"If you live till you're 10 years old,
you'll have enough to
write about for a lifetime."
Do you think that's true?
Uh, I think it's true,
but it would not be a very good story.
[LAUGHING]
Does art have to be so painful?
I mean, do we all have to
end up like "van Goch"
with an ear missing?
Uh, it's van Gogh in this room.
So, Jack Kerouac wrote "On the Road"
on this long, continuous,
teletype scroll.
What sort of paper do you write on?
Uh
I just use a computer.
Well, I guess we have
time for one last question.
Yep.
Yeah, Mr. Saunders,
if there was one piece of advice
that stood out above others
to help us become the writers
that we want to be, what
what would it be?
Well, I'd say trust
that your taste is good.
Have that good taste exert
itself onto your prose.
Then just write every day.
Just write.
Maybe that's my problem.
I've been doing the
once-every-decade method.
[LAUGHING]
No, actually, thank you for that,
'cause that's awesome.
Even great writers get stuck.
That's just part of it.
I hate my first draft,
but I love it because it
leads to my second draft
and my third draft.
It's all part of the process.
Hank?
What keeps you from writing?
Lunch.
We have that lunch
- Oh, right.
- Lunch.
Thank you so much.
Thank you, guys.
You're all amazing.
So exciting.
I think I learned more in that
one hour than I have all year.
It's it's just frustrating, you know?
'Cause, like, now I know
what it's like to sit in a classroom
with a great teacher who's
who's totally engaged,
and, like, really
really trying with me,
and, like, putting in
effort and listening and
and after I've experienced that,
it's like
I don't want to go back
to Devereaux's class.
I don't want to go back without you.
Well, I'm going to
be going back, Lester.
That's not my point.
[SOLANGE] Maybe if you spent
more time on your writing
than fighting with your teachers,
your stories wouldn't suck so bad.
The fact that you don't understand them
just proves their value to me.
I heard your family donated
a building to Notre Dame
and you still didn't get in.
Everyone's heard that story,
Solange, okay? It's boring.
Just like your stories.
Oh, next time, I'll add necrophilia.
"You'll know when true
excellence presents itself
because the mediocre
will be in confederacy
against that person."
I'm paraphrasing the
Confederacy of Dunces
to make a point about excellence,
something I think we
should all be entitled to,
no matter who we are
or where we're from.
Is this a club or something?
I'm just trying to eat my lunch.
This is not a club.
Maybe it is.
You're right, maybe it is.
That was interesting.
It's a public space,
I can be as interesting as I want.
I'm Ellen's roommate, Ava.
Okay, Ellen's roommate, Ava.
And, um, you went to
East Lake Country Day
with my brother, but
he was a year younger.
Brooks Noon?
Uh, yeah, sure, Brooksy, yeah.
- I'm Bartow.
- I know.
So what do we do now?
No, I'm certain it was at Bread Loaf,
and we went into town to
get dinner, and at the bar,
Colum McCann was singing
songs with the locals
I'm sorry, what was that back there?
What?
When you put me on the
spot about not writing.
No
Wait, you brought it up, so I
It just seemed a little hostile.
Hostile?
I mean
Hank, maybe you're
being a little sensitive?
I
I'm fine, just
Jacob Rose told me that you said
that this might be a problem here.
What? No. No, I
no, that's not
I didn't want to impose on you.
I didn't know if you wanted to do it.
I am thrilled to be here.
I haven't seen you in
30 years, and I'm just
I'm really glad you're doing it.
Okay.
I'm I'm excited, too.
This this is going to be fun.
What is this guy up to?
I'm pretty sure it's
short-story writing.
Yeah, well, he's acting really weird.
Oh, no, let's not add salmon
because it's the only thing
that you like at Nora's.
We're eating there tonight?
Tomorrow night. We are.
Because
Because?
Julie and Russell want
to have dinner with us
because, in their words, they have news.
They have news?
- They have news.
- That's code for ?
[SIGHS]
I missed the window.
What window?
The window.
Young dependent grown,
before new dependent arrives.
You know, a distractionless window
in which to write.
Maybe just try the window
between waking and going to work.
And you're happy about this?
Mm.
I'm adjusting to the
idea, with modification.
I looked up how to say "grandma"
in every single language.
Swahili is "Bibi", which is pretty cute.
I mean, I think George just hit a nerve.
Why you don't write?
You ask me why I don't write?
Hey, hey, 'cause I got two jobs, okay?
I'm a teacher and I run that department,
and you know my co-workers
are pains in the ass, right?
Also, I actively raised our
daughter with you, right?
And now I'm going to be a grandfather.
Knowing Julie,
that's going to be a
third full-time job.
She's gonna want me there
You think they're gonna
want you to raise the baby?
I've been waiting for this. Stop it.
You're spinning out of Just stop it.
Stop exaggerating.
- You do write.
- [PHONE RINGING]
You started something a few weeks ago.
Go write that.
Hello. Hi, Mr. Nerhand.
Thank you for getting back to me.
["READY C'MON" BY THE WEEJUNS PLAYING]
[MEG] That table's reserved.
For who?
For guests.
Don't you have an office or something?
Oh, yeah.
My office is not for work.
It's to gather with friends,
where all my cares and responsibilities
can slip away.
[♪♪]
[HANK, THINKING] Why is
it to fun to draw a dick?
I mean, am I wrong to
think we all like doing it?
I know I do.
Yeah, you can come,
just don't stuff your
pockets with cheese.
Okay.
[HANK, THINKING] Maybe because
there's no wrong way to do it.
I mean, all dicks are different.
That's how we should
identify each other.
Forget face recognition.
Unlock your phone with your dick.
I mean, you've already
got it in your pocket,
so it's right there.
So
when's the last time you saw him?
This morning.
He's obviously very
featured in my dissertation.
He was?
You jerk, you didn't read it.
I skimmed it.
Fair enough, boss.
I only skimmed your novel.
[♪♪]
[SIGHS]
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
[BARTOW] In light of the conflict
that I've been having
with Professor Devereaux,
we want to form the
Excellence Committee.
It's a group of students, like us,
that aim to both celebrate
excellence where we find it,
and discourage everything
that is less than.
Look, there's a process
for starting new clubs
that usually does not
involve me in any way.
I'm sure my assistant, Jill,
could steer you all
in the right direction.
I am the Dean of Faculty.
Right, well, this concerns the faculty,
that's why we chose you.
Some of the faculty are
intentionally resisting being better,
and it's affecting us as students.
We want to create a system
of incentives and deterrents
to hold them accountable.
Bartow
I understand
that it's difficult to move on
from this incident that you
had with Professor Devereaux.
No, it's not, because I am past it.
I'm over it.
It's over.
He's the one who won't apologize to me.
Needing an apology is
really not moving past it.
If we had the Excellence Committee,
I wouldn't need the apology.
I can give you a common room
twice a week for an hour,
I'll buy the pizza,
and you can have access
to the photocopy machine.
Yes!
Hey! What are you doing!
Put her back down!
Put her down!
Hey, you! You! Stop doing that!
Get away from there!
Do you know how many
professors had to die
for me to get this spot?
Four! Four professors!
And two of them suffered!
Here you go.
I was thinking about
the 92nd Street Y thing that we did.
Kinda jogged a memory.
Oh, I loved that night.
That was the first night
that I met your father,
at the reception after.
Yeah, we kept in touch for years.
We wrote letters.
You did?
Yeah. Yeah, it was so
illuminating and stimulating,
and it pushed me.
I don't think I'd be the writer
I am without his influence.
Me neither.
Where's Gracie?
Gracie! Are you here, Gracie?
Or are you too chickenshit to face me?
I'm standing right here, Paul.
You took my parking spot?
[GRACIE] I took nothing.
You should have paid
your parking tickets.
I am a tenured professor of the
English Department of Railton College.
I deserve a parking spot and the freedom
to rev my car's engine
whenever I see fit!
[GRACIE] Are you done, Paul?
[PAUL] Not even close.
You have no right.
You are a cruel,
petty, vindictive woman.
I liked "Tenth of December".
Come on, come on.
[HANK, THINKING] Maybe
all my father's cheating
was an attempt to ejaculate
out his kidney stones.
It seems like it's the same tube.
Phew, that was something.
Oh, trust me, that was nothing.
[URINATING]
You know, I do write.
To-do lists, grocery lists.
Important texts.
Yeah, very important.
Meaningful. Moving, even.
I just haven't written a second novel.
[URINATING]
Look, Hank, I
I shouldn't have asked
you that question in class.
That was that was stupid.
Don't worry about it.
No, actually, it's not okay.
You know, I get into this teacher mode,
and I forget that
everyone's not my student,
and I put you on the spot
in front of your class,
and I am sorry.
Thanks, I appreciate it.
Yeah, I mean, it's just writing, right?
It's not like everyone has
to write their whole life.
Harper Lee only wrote one book.
Second one was just a draft.
Man, I hope nobody
publishes my unfinished books
down the road for a quick buck.
Yeah, that would be the worst.
I mean, maybe somebody has
said all they have to say.
Big deal.
Hey, Hank, this has been great.
I really enjoyed hanging out with you.
Yeah.
Hey, I'm looking forward
to tomorrow night.
How is 19th-century poetry
different than 21st-century poetry?
It's difficult to really see
without a side-by-side comparison,
so let's do that.
Let's compare Walt Whitman
to say, oh
Professor DuBois,
our own poet in residence.
On the left is Whitman's
"Song of the Open Road",
and on the right
is Gracie DuBois's
"Follow the Lilac Sheet".
Now, let's start with
the titles themselves.
"Song of the Open Road"
has a mythic quality to it, does it not?
[SAYS MEEKLY] "Follow the Lilac Sheet".
[CLASS LAUGHING]
[SAYS MEEKLY] "Follow the Lilac Sheet".
All right, Whitman, one, DuBois, zero.
Go ahead.
Wonderful! I can see again.
What is that?
Is that a stain on your shirt?
Honestly, Hank
you cannot teach classes
in stained shirts.
It debases our profession.
It's not a stain, Mom.
It's a reminder of a
sauce that I loved once.
Did you see this?
Yeah.
Your father's retirement is big news.
He's done quite well for himself.
You know, without you and I
dragging him down for the past 40 years.
He always did have extreme focus.
Here it is.
My first, and maybe last, book review.
That was a very positive review,
as I recall,
though a tad poorly written.
Too much plot summary for my taste.
They always do that
when they can't form a
clear opinion on their own.
I always wonder if I
got this positive review
because Dad called in a favor.
I find it hard to believe
that a reviewer would
give a positive review
without really meaning it.
Unless they really loved your father.
And that reviewer loved your father.
I mean, really loved him.
So, you're right, can't be discounted.
[HANK] Maybe the second
novel's the charm.
Still working on it.
[MOM] You made family choices, dear.
[♪♪]
Family choices.
Hey, Mom
I think Julie's pregnant.
Really?
- Oh!
- Yeah.
Oh, my goodness.
Oh! Goodness, hold on.
It's not like she's going
to go into labor right now.
You don't have to pack for
the hospital or anything.
Here.
This was given to me by your grandmother
when I was pregnant with you.
It was given to her.
I don't know how long
it's been in the family.
And now it's for Julie.
Why didn't you give it to Lily?
You look
not unhappy.
Yeah, I'm a smidge
up from neutral, so
- Hello!
- [HANK] Oh, hey.
All right, babe.
- Hi, baby.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Everybody good?
- You look radiant.
- Oh, thank you, Dad.
How are you guys doing today?
Did you have a good day?
- Yeah, pretty good.
- Yeah. yeah.
Great!
Okay, okay,
I bet you're wondering
what this is all about,
what the news is.
The thought had crossed our minds.
All right, but first,
Russell has something
he wants to tell you.
Yeah, um, so, as you both know,
our yard has a flat area
before the hill starts.
Yeah.
Yeah, and as you probably remember,
my old roommate installs swimming pools.
I don't I don't remember that,
but go on, go on.
Yeah. Um
Show them the show them the thing.
It's pre-fab. He's got a company.
You don't have to put
any money up front.
It's actually a really
cool business model.
You put five percent down,
you pay the rest over time.
Right? So the pools start at 6,000,
but the one we want is 10.
You can go up to 15,
but we're only doing 10.
Yeah.
So, uh, five percent of 10,000
- $500.
- Yeah!
So who wouldn't want a pool for $500?
Could we just cut to the news?
No, yeah, that's what
we're trying to tell you.
- We're building a pool!
- We're building a pool.
A baby pool?
[JULIE] No, just a regular pool.
[RUSSELL] Um, but we're
not just building a pool.
No, we have a whole business model.
And the business model
will pay for the pool.
Okay, let me just stop you there.
No, listen, Dad, let
me just stop you there,
'cause here's the best part.
There's three groups of people out there
that can't communicate, right?
Swim students,
swim teachers,
and people with pools.
Our app connects those three groups
for a percentage
and we get part of the
whole of that percentage.
Hank, will you, um,
run up to the bar and get me a martini?
And get one for yourself, too.
Oh, I'll have a beer.
Yeah.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Can I get a martini
and another martini
and a shot, while I'm waiting?
And I guess, a beer.
All right, just give me a sec
because I am down a bartender.
Oh, yeah? You're hiring?
Yeah.
Can he be an idiot?
Sure.
[SOLANGE] It was horrible!
He humiliated you
in front of the whole class!
That man is an effing monster.
Now, now, Solange.
We have to be tough.
Tougher then they.
We have to have skins like rhinos
and souls like children.
What he does, it's just not important.
But in front of everyone
What is important is the work.
The word.
Okay.
Okay, everyone, let's settle down.
Come on, come on.
How come you always
drag out that old chair?
It doesn't even look ergonomic.
This chair
has a personal history.
It was in my family growing up.
It was part of our
dining-room collection.
Um
my father,
the lieutenant colonel,
he always sat at the head.
Now, no one else
was permitted to sit until
my father entered the room,
and my brothers,
four of them,
they would try to elbow each other out
for the chair next to my father.
But I had a different strategy.
"Sir," I would say,
when he entered the room,
and he would acknowledge me,
"I've written another poem."
And he would say,
"Please recite it for me."
And then, for those moments,
and
well, only those moments,
which would last for
the duration of the poem,
I would have my father's
undivided attention,
and then he would nod,
and he put me in the seat next to him,
which was this chair.
Wow.
That's messed up.
What what do you mean?
Like shooting the bird
perched on the end of your rifle,
but what hunter could resist?
John Barth.
This is so exciting.
I just wish you would
have read him first.
I'm just going to introduce him,
and when he starts yapping,
I'm gonna lean over
and quietly fart in his direction.
You're really wound up right now,
so you going to be able
to hold it together?
I'm fine. Why Why
Why do they have to have
so many pictures of him?
He's sitting right there.
He's wearing the same jacket.
[LILY] That's a slightly
different jacket.
[HANK] It's not slightly different.
It's not slightly different.
Come on, honey.
Don't ever let me sit under
three pictures of myself
in my favorite stupid old coat.
[PLASTIC CUP BREAKS]
Okay. So now, I think you
have to get out of here.
- What? No, I'm the moderator.
- Take that.
I'm going to tell them
that you have GI issues
and I'm going to get Finny to do it.
No! Finny can't do it!
He's going to do a beautiful job.
You're a crazy man right now.
Do you want another
headline in the newspaper?
Okay. All right, get Finny to do it.
Get out of here.
Where's he going?
Just
you just have to trust me.
This is better for everyone.
Where's Finny?
[CROWD CHEERING]
[HANK, THINKING] Ah, field hockey.
It's one of my favorite distractions.
I hope no one confuses my
presence here with school spirit,
which I find pointless.
There's so much wasted effort
that goes into manufactured pep.
For what?
It benefits no one,
except, well, maybe cheerleaders,
who feel, you know,
less alone and stupid.
Hey, your talk over already?
Nah, I just left.
How can a moderator leave?
- Where's Smith?
- Oh, ankle.
She limped off the field.
Yeah.
I don't know why I
love this game so much.
Yeah, I started smiling
when I came over the hill
just at the sound of
the wood on the ball.
It's just the hustle, the
elegance of a perfect pass.
Still, I wish our school had
one other half-decent team.
All our banners are field hockey.
It's a little sad.
What? She tripped her!
Come on! You gotta call that!
Head in the game.
Why'd you leave?
Turns out, George
Saunders is an asshole.
Oh, that's too bad.
Yeah. He plays with people.
Meaning you?
Well, he messes with
other writers' heads.
It's demeaning.
He demeans people.
Meaning you?
Yeah.
Did you tell him that?
No, I just walked out.
You should've said something.
People love to hear
when they're A-holes.
Oh, good dig!
[♪♪]
You know I was kidding, right?
[♪♪]
It is my honor to welcome you
to tonight's very special event.
I'd like to start with your childhood,
if there's been any abuse or trauma,
that would be great,
and then I'll ask you about your
real relationship with your mother.
What?
"O human race, born to fly upward,
wherefore at a little
wind dost thou so fall?"
Dante.
Yeah, I know.
Enter Prospero, here to conjure a storm.
Funny. You had me there for a minute.
Admit it.
You don't respect me.
You think I'm a hack whose
father got him published.
You didn't even read my book.
What? Of course, I did.
Paula and I both read it on
Block Island with the girls.
We read it and we loved it,
and we sent you a bottle
of wine with a note.
Because I remember shipping
was a pain in the ass.
And I read it again last night.
It's really good.
I mean, it really holds up, Hank.
I mean, that scene by the bus,
where he's trying to tell her
[DEAN ROSE] George Saunders
in conversation with Hank Devereaux, Jr.
[APPLAUSE]
For someone with that kind
of talent to quit writing,
I'm against it.
[APPLAUSE]
[CHEERING]
Um
you, uh
Before you wrote,
you were an engineer, right?
Are you a little drunk?
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
Um
can I get a little drunk?
Yeah. Can we make that two, please?
[LAUGHING]
Um
the chronological order
of "Tenth of December",
is that something that
you planned beforehand,
or after you wrote them,
you decided they should
be presented that way,
because I think that
that order really affects
how those stories land.
Yes, and that is a question
that only a great writer could ask.
All right, stop patronizing
me. They're paying for you.
[LAUGHING]
is part of the impact.
Most writers start with
an ending or a beginning
Feeding the story into the
The majority.
[LAUGHING]
["A RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS"
BY KEVIN MORBY PLAYS]
You're getting paid,
but I'm in charge here.
- Yeah, okay.
- All right?
I'm not against e.e. cummings,
but I feel like that's
where it should have been
So it seems ♪
The big letters, gotcha.
The nightmares ♪
[HANK] So I'm glad you're here.
Ladies and gentlemen, George Saunders.
[APPLAUSE]
Lift me up ♪
By my hand ♪
Lift me up if you can ♪
Lift me up, be my friend ♪
Through a random act of kindness ♪
One that's done from blindness ♪
[♪♪]
Sun came up ♪
[♪♪]
Sun came up ♪
[♪♪]
Sun came up ♪
[♪♪]
Sun came up ♪
[♪♪]
Sun came up ♪
[♪♪]
Sun came up ♪
[♪♪]
Sun came up ♪
[♪♪]
Sun came up ♪
- [HANK] I should have known.
- [LILY] Known what?
[HANK] I could have
been as good as Saunders.
It wouldn't have mattered.
[LILY] What wouldn't have mattered?
[HANK] I would never
have gotten my father's
you know
["LE TOURBILLON" BY JEANNE MOREAU PLAYS]
On s'est connus, on s'est reconnus ♪
On s'est perdus de vue ♪
On s'est reperdus de vue ♪
On s'est retrouvés, on s'est séparés ♪
Puis on s'est réchauffés ♪
Chacun pour soi est reparti ♪
Dans le tourbillon de la vie ♪
Je l'ai revue un soir ah-la-la ♪
Elle est retombée dans mes bras ♪
Elle est retombée dans mes bras ♪
- What's wrong with you?
- I was too happy.
I'm trying to bring myself down.
Hey! This isn't my stuff!
Have a nice day.
Your ex-husband abandoned us.
He abandoned you.
Jason!
I'm going to New York to
interview at the Arlyle School.
My friend in history said
there were gonna be cuts.
Can you not be yourself and be
straight with us for one minute?
Do you hate it here?
I take the fifth.
♪
MAN: Could you please, just
for once, say something?
You're here! At Realton College!
Mediocrity's capital!
I think I inspired myself
to work on my novel.
Well, I love it when you
start your second novel,
it's usually a wonderful
time in our marriage.
It should be painfully
clear to you by now,
your time, sir, it's up!
All right, let's all
be, uh, careful here.
I can't be canceled, I have tenure.
This is Marni Cole from
your father's office.
[♪♪]
[RAPID TYPING]
["I'LL FLY AWAY" BY THE
MIGHTY INDIANA PLAYING]
Some glad morning ♪
[MAN NEARBY LAUGHING]
When this old life is over ♪
[LAUGHING LOUDLY]
Oh, I ♪
[LAUGHING CONTINUES]
[♪♪]
[LAUGHING CONTINUES]
I'll fly away ♪
Listen! ♪
I want to hear ♪
David play the horn ♪
Form, content,
both of these play a part,
but what do you think is more important?
Well, I think form should
follow content, always,
but, you know,
sometimes, form can be
its own kind of content.
Right, right, so interesting.
Now, let me take a moment to
ask a more prosaic question.
How did you each get published?
Well, I slept with his father.
Ah!
[LAUGHTER]
Right there,
the secret to success,
ladies and gentlemen.
A more prosaic question.
How did you each get published?
Well, I slept with his father.
Ah!
[LAUGHTER]
Right there,
the secret to success,
ladies and gentlemen.
That's how you play the game.
I'll fly away ♪
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
- [HANK] I'm not doing it.
- Of course you are.
- No.
- Hank!
No, I don't see the value of it.
In having a live, onstage conversation
- with George Saunders?
- No.
Booker Prize-winning George Saunders?
British prize. Very pretentious.
Also a finalist for
the National Book Award.
Mm
Named one of the 100 most
influential people by Time magazine.
Time magazine isn't what it used to be.
He had a MacArthur Fellowship.
I have kidney stones, so we're even.
I'm sorry about the kidney stones.
Take your pills. I
have some if you want.
But there are other issues.
With the impending budget cuts,
it's distasteful to be paying this
guy 10 grand, for a one-hour talk.
Ten grand, I wish.
What, 20 grand?
Thirty?
Fifty? For Christ sakes!
This was settled weeks ago.
Why are you bringing this up now?
I'm concerned that I might
accidentally say something
really consistent with my personality,
but inconsistent with
a modern college campus.
- That's valid.
- Yeah.
And I don't want to talk you
into doing anything that
you don't want to do.
He didn't want you either.
But the public at large does.
Wait, what did you just say?
He he wants you to be okay with this
because he's okay with this.
Why wouldn't he be okay with this?
Look, Hank, I spoke
on the phone with him.
When he gets here, you guys chat.
You're old friends, right?
I know that. What did you tell him?
I told him you'd be honored.
I am honored, but I still want out.
- No.
- Why not?
Because there's thousands of posters
plastered all over campus,
and I know that you're
gonna be great at this
because there's not a fiction writer
within 50 miles who's in your league,
and everyone knows
that, and you're our guy.
Get Finny to do it.
Finny will ask a question for 45 minutes
and it won't even be a question.
- Well, who is it?
- What?
The writer within 50 miles of here?
Okay! Get out of here.
[♪♪]
[HANK SIGHS]
[HANK, THINKING]
You get to a certain age
and you lose all faith in experts.
[WINCES]
I know how well I do my job,
and to think others are
working at the same level
that's completely unacceptable
especially doctors.
I'm not denying your symptoms,
but their cause isn't kidney stones.
[HANK] And as a teacher,
I see through guys like this.
I mean, he was right in
the middle of his class
maybe in the bottom third.
[HANK] in excruciating pain.
I'm looking at a B-minus
assessment of my medical problems.
I mean, I'm sweating.
I almost pass out during racquetball.
I think you're ignoring
some obvious facts.
My father had kidney stones.
[DOCTOR] You've mentioned.
And his father did.
[DOCTOR] You don't want kidney stones.
Little monsters with jagged edges
that can tear the lining off your penis.
Jesus.
What did you really need
You know what?
If it's not too much trouble,
I think I want a second opinion.
- What about you?
- She's not a radiologist.
She's not allowed to evaluate results.
It could be due to stress.
That's your go-to, right?
- All doctors say that.
- I rarely say that.
You have the floor.
She's not going to contradict me.
Okay, I guess you've
thought of everything.
[LILY] So you're saying
there's no way that
this could be stress?
It's embarrassing.
[SIGHS]
We started on the same level.
In fact, I think I was better
regarded, for about 10 days.
My book review was on a Wednesday,
and then the sales figures
came in the next Thursday,
so eight days.
Eight days.
Hank, you
you're sharing the stage with him.
Yeah. The last time
I did that, it sucked.
It's an honor.
There's a fine line between honor
and "I wish I never met that dickhead."
[HANK, THINKING]
What is it about writing
that attracts so many dickheads?
I mean, somehow,
the need to tell everyone
about your rich inner life
it's irresistible,
but why would anyone care
about somebody else's rich inner life?
Have a rich outer life for
the rest of us to enjoy.
"The warm wood on her forearms."
[MADISON] Oh!
Oh, yeah, I did use that.
I'm so sorry.
I plagiarized myself.
No, no, no, no, no. No.
Don't pass judgement.
You just
you have to press yourself.
You have to think past
the images that you
already own so that
[ENGINE REVVING]
- That's the way
- [ENGINE REVVING]
Why don't we take three minutes?
- [ENGINE REVVING]
- I swear I don't even remember writing that.
[ENGINE REVVING]
[ENGINE REVVING]
Dickhead.
[SOLANGE] I don't understand
why you don't just talk to him.
[GRACIE] Professor Rourke
is not the kind of man
who responds to reason,
especially not from someone like me.
Hmm.
He's a misogynist, isn't he?
Sometimes, the male brain
isn't developed enough
to understand its cruelty.
He bullies you.
[♪♪]
[CAR HORN HONKS TWICE]
Right here.
[♪♪]
- George.
- Hank.
Hey, man, thanks for inviting me.
Yeah.
My students are so excited,
they've been talking about
nothing else for weeks.
I mean, they can't believe
that I actually know you.
Oh.
Well, my students can't
believe I know you.
[HANK] Your students don't
know who I am, do they?
[GEORGE] A couple do. You
know, I told them about you.
[HANK] Oh, okay.
I gotta introduce you to the
department or they'll kill me.
"I am not exactly dressed
for standing on the moon,
which, as I understand
it, is super cold."
That's from my New Yorker
Your victory lap, yeah,
New Yorker, October 2009.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Well, thanks.
Oh
Your editor's wife is
our friend's sister.
Oh. Well.
How's your hotel?
I take it they have you
at the Moderna Center?
[GEORGE] No, it was all full.
There's a field hockey
team staying there.
Big game tonight.
Oh.
Yeah, they have me at The Drake,
which is really lovely.
Although there's a
crane outside my window,
and I had a dream last night
of a talking wrecking ball,
and it said I was going to
be late for the presentation,
that I suck, that
nobody likes me, like
Grace DuBois.
Oh, nice to meet you.
You must leave there at
once. Come stay with me.
- We have a guest room.
- I have a guest house!
- You do not.
- It's above the garage. You've seen it.
It sounds lovely, but I
But there's no lock strong
enough to make you feel secure.
It even has its own fridge
and a hot plate if
you are a tea drinker.
[CHUCKLING]
I'm so sorry.
They have me on a bit of a schedule,
but I hope to see you
all at the talk later.
Yes, yes.
I might make it.
I have stuff to do.
I hope you can come by.
I probably won't be there.
All right, well, I'll
just, I'll walk you out.
Yeah.
"Charming eagles was a family trait.
He didn't know how he did it,
he just looked at them
and thought about them
crashing into a cliff's face.
The white-chested eagle,
commanded by a mysterious
force it didn't understand,
smashed itself."
Interesting.
Should I read more?
[HANK] No, no.
- Go ahead.
- Uh, okay, thanks.
Um, yeah, you're always escalating.
I love that.
That's a very rare thing,
and it seems to come
very naturally to you.
Yeah, yeah, it does.
So we want to enforce escalation,
even on the line level.
If the eagle has a white chest,
we can assume the reader
already knows that, right?
Cut.
And if the force is mysterious,
do we need to say the
eagle didn't understand?
That's implied. Cut.
You know, and a lot of
this is just habitual.
Yeah, he's just saying edit yourself.
Yes, but if you want to be excellent,
you have to reject the habitual.
That is where mediocrity
lives, in the habitual.
That is how you will distinguish
yourself from other writers
and start to sound more like you.
Holy shit.
Uh, yeah, I kinda always knew
there was this whole other level,
but just didn't know how to get there
because no one ever really
taught me how to do that before, but
Okay, that's enough.
That's good from you
We do have other
You know, we're almost out of time.
I have plenty of time, actually.
Well, we're running out of time.
Are you sure? I thought
you said we had
Yeah, my watch
I don't know if you
It's earlier than you said it would be.
I'd like a word, Paul.
Paul.
You don't have to say my name
every time you talk to me.
I've spoken to you about
the loudness of your car
There's nothing wrong with my car.
before and nothing has changed.
Or ever will change.
It disrupts my class.
Huh.
Not more than your teaching.
How did you get like this?
What mis-turn did you take?
I am allowed to drive
the car that I want.
I'm allowed to take care of it,
and it likes to be revved.
It's good at it.
What I don't understand
is how anyone has come to think
that they have the right
not to be impacted by others.
How about that wrong turn?
Basic consideration wouldn't kill you.
Well, it so happens that
I am an at-risk individual
with regards to basic consideration.
I can't risk it.
"Paul "
"Paul "
[CHUCKLES]
Why'd you say that to George?
Do you think he noticed?
Yeah.
Oh
I don't know why I do this.
It's only people I admire, you know.
Rude stuff just comes out.
Mm.
You want some advice?
From you, no?
Ah! Sorry.
I'm like a freight train
that can't stop with insults.
[♪♪]
Excuse me, is Myrna here?
Myrna.
Professor Du-Boise.
Green Subaru Outback,
RBG bumper sticker.
Green Outback, RBG bumper sticker.
If I remember correctly, Myrna,
you
are a top-shelf tequila gal,
am I right?
Flannery O'Connor said,
"If you live till you're 10 years old,
you'll have enough to
write about for a lifetime."
Do you think that's true?
Uh, I think it's true,
but it would not be a very good story.
[LAUGHING]
Does art have to be so painful?
I mean, do we all have to
end up like "van Goch"
with an ear missing?
Uh, it's van Gogh in this room.
So, Jack Kerouac wrote "On the Road"
on this long, continuous,
teletype scroll.
What sort of paper do you write on?
Uh
I just use a computer.
Well, I guess we have
time for one last question.
Yep.
Yeah, Mr. Saunders,
if there was one piece of advice
that stood out above others
to help us become the writers
that we want to be, what
what would it be?
Well, I'd say trust
that your taste is good.
Have that good taste exert
itself onto your prose.
Then just write every day.
Just write.
Maybe that's my problem.
I've been doing the
once-every-decade method.
[LAUGHING]
No, actually, thank you for that,
'cause that's awesome.
Even great writers get stuck.
That's just part of it.
I hate my first draft,
but I love it because it
leads to my second draft
and my third draft.
It's all part of the process.
Hank?
What keeps you from writing?
Lunch.
We have that lunch
- Oh, right.
- Lunch.
Thank you so much.
Thank you, guys.
You're all amazing.
So exciting.
I think I learned more in that
one hour than I have all year.
It's it's just frustrating, you know?
'Cause, like, now I know
what it's like to sit in a classroom
with a great teacher who's
who's totally engaged,
and, like, really
really trying with me,
and, like, putting in
effort and listening and
and after I've experienced that,
it's like
I don't want to go back
to Devereaux's class.
I don't want to go back without you.
Well, I'm going to
be going back, Lester.
That's not my point.
[SOLANGE] Maybe if you spent
more time on your writing
than fighting with your teachers,
your stories wouldn't suck so bad.
The fact that you don't understand them
just proves their value to me.
I heard your family donated
a building to Notre Dame
and you still didn't get in.
Everyone's heard that story,
Solange, okay? It's boring.
Just like your stories.
Oh, next time, I'll add necrophilia.
"You'll know when true
excellence presents itself
because the mediocre
will be in confederacy
against that person."
I'm paraphrasing the
Confederacy of Dunces
to make a point about excellence,
something I think we
should all be entitled to,
no matter who we are
or where we're from.
Is this a club or something?
I'm just trying to eat my lunch.
This is not a club.
Maybe it is.
You're right, maybe it is.
That was interesting.
It's a public space,
I can be as interesting as I want.
I'm Ellen's roommate, Ava.
Okay, Ellen's roommate, Ava.
And, um, you went to
East Lake Country Day
with my brother, but
he was a year younger.
Brooks Noon?
Uh, yeah, sure, Brooksy, yeah.
- I'm Bartow.
- I know.
So what do we do now?
No, I'm certain it was at Bread Loaf,
and we went into town to
get dinner, and at the bar,
Colum McCann was singing
songs with the locals
I'm sorry, what was that back there?
What?
When you put me on the
spot about not writing.
No
Wait, you brought it up, so I
It just seemed a little hostile.
Hostile?
I mean
Hank, maybe you're
being a little sensitive?
I
I'm fine, just
Jacob Rose told me that you said
that this might be a problem here.
What? No. No, I
no, that's not
I didn't want to impose on you.
I didn't know if you wanted to do it.
I am thrilled to be here.
I haven't seen you in
30 years, and I'm just
I'm really glad you're doing it.
Okay.
I'm I'm excited, too.
This this is going to be fun.
What is this guy up to?
I'm pretty sure it's
short-story writing.
Yeah, well, he's acting really weird.
Oh, no, let's not add salmon
because it's the only thing
that you like at Nora's.
We're eating there tonight?
Tomorrow night. We are.
Because
Because?
Julie and Russell want
to have dinner with us
because, in their words, they have news.
They have news?
- They have news.
- That's code for ?
[SIGHS]
I missed the window.
What window?
The window.
Young dependent grown,
before new dependent arrives.
You know, a distractionless window
in which to write.
Maybe just try the window
between waking and going to work.
And you're happy about this?
Mm.
I'm adjusting to the
idea, with modification.
I looked up how to say "grandma"
in every single language.
Swahili is "Bibi", which is pretty cute.
I mean, I think George just hit a nerve.
Why you don't write?
You ask me why I don't write?
Hey, hey, 'cause I got two jobs, okay?
I'm a teacher and I run that department,
and you know my co-workers
are pains in the ass, right?
Also, I actively raised our
daughter with you, right?
And now I'm going to be a grandfather.
Knowing Julie,
that's going to be a
third full-time job.
She's gonna want me there
You think they're gonna
want you to raise the baby?
I've been waiting for this. Stop it.
You're spinning out of Just stop it.
Stop exaggerating.
- You do write.
- [PHONE RINGING]
You started something a few weeks ago.
Go write that.
Hello. Hi, Mr. Nerhand.
Thank you for getting back to me.
["READY C'MON" BY THE WEEJUNS PLAYING]
[MEG] That table's reserved.
For who?
For guests.
Don't you have an office or something?
Oh, yeah.
My office is not for work.
It's to gather with friends,
where all my cares and responsibilities
can slip away.
[♪♪]
[HANK, THINKING] Why is
it to fun to draw a dick?
I mean, am I wrong to
think we all like doing it?
I know I do.
Yeah, you can come,
just don't stuff your
pockets with cheese.
Okay.
[HANK, THINKING] Maybe because
there's no wrong way to do it.
I mean, all dicks are different.
That's how we should
identify each other.
Forget face recognition.
Unlock your phone with your dick.
I mean, you've already
got it in your pocket,
so it's right there.
So
when's the last time you saw him?
This morning.
He's obviously very
featured in my dissertation.
He was?
You jerk, you didn't read it.
I skimmed it.
Fair enough, boss.
I only skimmed your novel.
[♪♪]
[SIGHS]
[♪♪]
[♪♪]
[BARTOW] In light of the conflict
that I've been having
with Professor Devereaux,
we want to form the
Excellence Committee.
It's a group of students, like us,
that aim to both celebrate
excellence where we find it,
and discourage everything
that is less than.
Look, there's a process
for starting new clubs
that usually does not
involve me in any way.
I'm sure my assistant, Jill,
could steer you all
in the right direction.
I am the Dean of Faculty.
Right, well, this concerns the faculty,
that's why we chose you.
Some of the faculty are
intentionally resisting being better,
and it's affecting us as students.
We want to create a system
of incentives and deterrents
to hold them accountable.
Bartow
I understand
that it's difficult to move on
from this incident that you
had with Professor Devereaux.
No, it's not, because I am past it.
I'm over it.
It's over.
He's the one who won't apologize to me.
Needing an apology is
really not moving past it.
If we had the Excellence Committee,
I wouldn't need the apology.
I can give you a common room
twice a week for an hour,
I'll buy the pizza,
and you can have access
to the photocopy machine.
Yes!
Hey! What are you doing!
Put her back down!
Put her down!
Hey, you! You! Stop doing that!
Get away from there!
Do you know how many
professors had to die
for me to get this spot?
Four! Four professors!
And two of them suffered!
Here you go.
I was thinking about
the 92nd Street Y thing that we did.
Kinda jogged a memory.
Oh, I loved that night.
That was the first night
that I met your father,
at the reception after.
Yeah, we kept in touch for years.
We wrote letters.
You did?
Yeah. Yeah, it was so
illuminating and stimulating,
and it pushed me.
I don't think I'd be the writer
I am without his influence.
Me neither.
Where's Gracie?
Gracie! Are you here, Gracie?
Or are you too chickenshit to face me?
I'm standing right here, Paul.
You took my parking spot?
[GRACIE] I took nothing.
You should have paid
your parking tickets.
I am a tenured professor of the
English Department of Railton College.
I deserve a parking spot and the freedom
to rev my car's engine
whenever I see fit!
[GRACIE] Are you done, Paul?
[PAUL] Not even close.
You have no right.
You are a cruel,
petty, vindictive woman.
I liked "Tenth of December".
Come on, come on.
[HANK, THINKING] Maybe
all my father's cheating
was an attempt to ejaculate
out his kidney stones.
It seems like it's the same tube.
Phew, that was something.
Oh, trust me, that was nothing.
[URINATING]
You know, I do write.
To-do lists, grocery lists.
Important texts.
Yeah, very important.
Meaningful. Moving, even.
I just haven't written a second novel.
[URINATING]
Look, Hank, I
I shouldn't have asked
you that question in class.
That was that was stupid.
Don't worry about it.
No, actually, it's not okay.
You know, I get into this teacher mode,
and I forget that
everyone's not my student,
and I put you on the spot
in front of your class,
and I am sorry.
Thanks, I appreciate it.
Yeah, I mean, it's just writing, right?
It's not like everyone has
to write their whole life.
Harper Lee only wrote one book.
Second one was just a draft.
Man, I hope nobody
publishes my unfinished books
down the road for a quick buck.
Yeah, that would be the worst.
I mean, maybe somebody has
said all they have to say.
Big deal.
Hey, Hank, this has been great.
I really enjoyed hanging out with you.
Yeah.
Hey, I'm looking forward
to tomorrow night.
How is 19th-century poetry
different than 21st-century poetry?
It's difficult to really see
without a side-by-side comparison,
so let's do that.
Let's compare Walt Whitman
to say, oh
Professor DuBois,
our own poet in residence.
On the left is Whitman's
"Song of the Open Road",
and on the right
is Gracie DuBois's
"Follow the Lilac Sheet".
Now, let's start with
the titles themselves.
"Song of the Open Road"
has a mythic quality to it, does it not?
[SAYS MEEKLY] "Follow the Lilac Sheet".
[CLASS LAUGHING]
[SAYS MEEKLY] "Follow the Lilac Sheet".
All right, Whitman, one, DuBois, zero.
Go ahead.
Wonderful! I can see again.
What is that?
Is that a stain on your shirt?
Honestly, Hank
you cannot teach classes
in stained shirts.
It debases our profession.
It's not a stain, Mom.
It's a reminder of a
sauce that I loved once.
Did you see this?
Yeah.
Your father's retirement is big news.
He's done quite well for himself.
You know, without you and I
dragging him down for the past 40 years.
He always did have extreme focus.
Here it is.
My first, and maybe last, book review.
That was a very positive review,
as I recall,
though a tad poorly written.
Too much plot summary for my taste.
They always do that
when they can't form a
clear opinion on their own.
I always wonder if I
got this positive review
because Dad called in a favor.
I find it hard to believe
that a reviewer would
give a positive review
without really meaning it.
Unless they really loved your father.
And that reviewer loved your father.
I mean, really loved him.
So, you're right, can't be discounted.
[HANK] Maybe the second
novel's the charm.
Still working on it.
[MOM] You made family choices, dear.
[♪♪]
Family choices.
Hey, Mom
I think Julie's pregnant.
Really?
- Oh!
- Yeah.
Oh, my goodness.
Oh! Goodness, hold on.
It's not like she's going
to go into labor right now.
You don't have to pack for
the hospital or anything.
Here.
This was given to me by your grandmother
when I was pregnant with you.
It was given to her.
I don't know how long
it's been in the family.
And now it's for Julie.
Why didn't you give it to Lily?
You look
not unhappy.
Yeah, I'm a smidge
up from neutral, so
- Hello!
- [HANK] Oh, hey.
All right, babe.
- Hi, baby.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hey.
Everybody good?
- You look radiant.
- Oh, thank you, Dad.
How are you guys doing today?
Did you have a good day?
- Yeah, pretty good.
- Yeah. yeah.
Great!
Okay, okay,
I bet you're wondering
what this is all about,
what the news is.
The thought had crossed our minds.
All right, but first,
Russell has something
he wants to tell you.
Yeah, um, so, as you both know,
our yard has a flat area
before the hill starts.
Yeah.
Yeah, and as you probably remember,
my old roommate installs swimming pools.
I don't I don't remember that,
but go on, go on.
Yeah. Um
Show them the show them the thing.
It's pre-fab. He's got a company.
You don't have to put
any money up front.
It's actually a really
cool business model.
You put five percent down,
you pay the rest over time.
Right? So the pools start at 6,000,
but the one we want is 10.
You can go up to 15,
but we're only doing 10.
Yeah.
So, uh, five percent of 10,000
- $500.
- Yeah!
So who wouldn't want a pool for $500?
Could we just cut to the news?
No, yeah, that's what
we're trying to tell you.
- We're building a pool!
- We're building a pool.
A baby pool?
[JULIE] No, just a regular pool.
[RUSSELL] Um, but we're
not just building a pool.
No, we have a whole business model.
And the business model
will pay for the pool.
Okay, let me just stop you there.
No, listen, Dad, let
me just stop you there,
'cause here's the best part.
There's three groups of people out there
that can't communicate, right?
Swim students,
swim teachers,
and people with pools.
Our app connects those three groups
for a percentage
and we get part of the
whole of that percentage.
Hank, will you, um,
run up to the bar and get me a martini?
And get one for yourself, too.
Oh, I'll have a beer.
Yeah.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Can I get a martini
and another martini
and a shot, while I'm waiting?
And I guess, a beer.
All right, just give me a sec
because I am down a bartender.
Oh, yeah? You're hiring?
Yeah.
Can he be an idiot?
Sure.
[SOLANGE] It was horrible!
He humiliated you
in front of the whole class!
That man is an effing monster.
Now, now, Solange.
We have to be tough.
Tougher then they.
We have to have skins like rhinos
and souls like children.
What he does, it's just not important.
But in front of everyone
What is important is the work.
The word.
Okay.
Okay, everyone, let's settle down.
Come on, come on.
How come you always
drag out that old chair?
It doesn't even look ergonomic.
This chair
has a personal history.
It was in my family growing up.
It was part of our
dining-room collection.
Um
my father,
the lieutenant colonel,
he always sat at the head.
Now, no one else
was permitted to sit until
my father entered the room,
and my brothers,
four of them,
they would try to elbow each other out
for the chair next to my father.
But I had a different strategy.
"Sir," I would say,
when he entered the room,
and he would acknowledge me,
"I've written another poem."
And he would say,
"Please recite it for me."
And then, for those moments,
and
well, only those moments,
which would last for
the duration of the poem,
I would have my father's
undivided attention,
and then he would nod,
and he put me in the seat next to him,
which was this chair.
Wow.
That's messed up.
What what do you mean?
Like shooting the bird
perched on the end of your rifle,
but what hunter could resist?
John Barth.
This is so exciting.
I just wish you would
have read him first.
I'm just going to introduce him,
and when he starts yapping,
I'm gonna lean over
and quietly fart in his direction.
You're really wound up right now,
so you going to be able
to hold it together?
I'm fine. Why Why
Why do they have to have
so many pictures of him?
He's sitting right there.
He's wearing the same jacket.
[LILY] That's a slightly
different jacket.
[HANK] It's not slightly different.
It's not slightly different.
Come on, honey.
Don't ever let me sit under
three pictures of myself
in my favorite stupid old coat.
[PLASTIC CUP BREAKS]
Okay. So now, I think you
have to get out of here.
- What? No, I'm the moderator.
- Take that.
I'm going to tell them
that you have GI issues
and I'm going to get Finny to do it.
No! Finny can't do it!
He's going to do a beautiful job.
You're a crazy man right now.
Do you want another
headline in the newspaper?
Okay. All right, get Finny to do it.
Get out of here.
Where's he going?
Just
you just have to trust me.
This is better for everyone.
Where's Finny?
[CROWD CHEERING]
[HANK, THINKING] Ah, field hockey.
It's one of my favorite distractions.
I hope no one confuses my
presence here with school spirit,
which I find pointless.
There's so much wasted effort
that goes into manufactured pep.
For what?
It benefits no one,
except, well, maybe cheerleaders,
who feel, you know,
less alone and stupid.
Hey, your talk over already?
Nah, I just left.
How can a moderator leave?
- Where's Smith?
- Oh, ankle.
She limped off the field.
Yeah.
I don't know why I
love this game so much.
Yeah, I started smiling
when I came over the hill
just at the sound of
the wood on the ball.
It's just the hustle, the
elegance of a perfect pass.
Still, I wish our school had
one other half-decent team.
All our banners are field hockey.
It's a little sad.
What? She tripped her!
Come on! You gotta call that!
Head in the game.
Why'd you leave?
Turns out, George
Saunders is an asshole.
Oh, that's too bad.
Yeah. He plays with people.
Meaning you?
Well, he messes with
other writers' heads.
It's demeaning.
He demeans people.
Meaning you?
Yeah.
Did you tell him that?
No, I just walked out.
You should've said something.
People love to hear
when they're A-holes.
Oh, good dig!
[♪♪]
You know I was kidding, right?
[♪♪]
It is my honor to welcome you
to tonight's very special event.
I'd like to start with your childhood,
if there's been any abuse or trauma,
that would be great,
and then I'll ask you about your
real relationship with your mother.
What?
"O human race, born to fly upward,
wherefore at a little
wind dost thou so fall?"
Dante.
Yeah, I know.
Enter Prospero, here to conjure a storm.
Funny. You had me there for a minute.
Admit it.
You don't respect me.
You think I'm a hack whose
father got him published.
You didn't even read my book.
What? Of course, I did.
Paula and I both read it on
Block Island with the girls.
We read it and we loved it,
and we sent you a bottle
of wine with a note.
Because I remember shipping
was a pain in the ass.
And I read it again last night.
It's really good.
I mean, it really holds up, Hank.
I mean, that scene by the bus,
where he's trying to tell her
[DEAN ROSE] George Saunders
in conversation with Hank Devereaux, Jr.
[APPLAUSE]
For someone with that kind
of talent to quit writing,
I'm against it.
[APPLAUSE]
[CHEERING]
Um
you, uh
Before you wrote,
you were an engineer, right?
Are you a little drunk?
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]
Um
can I get a little drunk?
Yeah. Can we make that two, please?
[LAUGHING]
Um
the chronological order
of "Tenth of December",
is that something that
you planned beforehand,
or after you wrote them,
you decided they should
be presented that way,
because I think that
that order really affects
how those stories land.
Yes, and that is a question
that only a great writer could ask.
All right, stop patronizing
me. They're paying for you.
[LAUGHING]
is part of the impact.
Most writers start with
an ending or a beginning
Feeding the story into the
The majority.
[LAUGHING]
["A RANDOM ACT OF KINDNESS"
BY KEVIN MORBY PLAYS]
You're getting paid,
but I'm in charge here.
- Yeah, okay.
- All right?
I'm not against e.e. cummings,
but I feel like that's
where it should have been
So it seems ♪
The big letters, gotcha.
The nightmares ♪
[HANK] So I'm glad you're here.
Ladies and gentlemen, George Saunders.
[APPLAUSE]
Lift me up ♪
By my hand ♪
Lift me up if you can ♪
Lift me up, be my friend ♪
Through a random act of kindness ♪
One that's done from blindness ♪
[♪♪]
Sun came up ♪
[♪♪]
Sun came up ♪
[♪♪]
Sun came up ♪
[♪♪]
Sun came up ♪
[♪♪]
Sun came up ♪
[♪♪]
Sun came up ♪
[♪♪]
Sun came up ♪
[♪♪]
Sun came up ♪
- [HANK] I should have known.
- [LILY] Known what?
[HANK] I could have
been as good as Saunders.
It wouldn't have mattered.
[LILY] What wouldn't have mattered?
[HANK] I would never
have gotten my father's
you know
["LE TOURBILLON" BY JEANNE MOREAU PLAYS]
On s'est connus, on s'est reconnus ♪
On s'est perdus de vue ♪
On s'est reperdus de vue ♪
On s'est retrouvés, on s'est séparés ♪
Puis on s'est réchauffés ♪
Chacun pour soi est reparti ♪
Dans le tourbillon de la vie ♪
Je l'ai revue un soir ah-la-la ♪
Elle est retombée dans mes bras ♪
Elle est retombée dans mes bras ♪
- What's wrong with you?
- I was too happy.
I'm trying to bring myself down.
Hey! This isn't my stuff!
Have a nice day.
Your ex-husband abandoned us.
He abandoned you.
Jason!
I'm going to New York to
interview at the Arlyle School.
My friend in history said
there were gonna be cuts.
Can you not be yourself and be
straight with us for one minute?
Do you hate it here?
I take the fifth.
♪