Maggie (2022) s01e02 Episode Script

1
MAGGIE: Previously on Maggie
The closer I am to your
energy, the clearer my vision.
You will fall in love.
There'll be a wedding.
A family.
It's going to be unlike
anything you've ever experienced.
[GASPS]
I saw myself in a vision. I was married.
I'm going to make a wish that I spend
more time with you tonight.
[BLOWS]
I want to tell you something
about the reading I gave you.
BEN: What? What is it?
In your reading, I saw your future,
and this doesn't work out.
I have no idea what my
future looks like anymore.
I have to let the new tenant in.
- Ben.
- Maggie.
- Hi.
- What are you doing here?
I live here. What are you doing here?
I live here now with Jessie.
Amazing.
Maggie.
WOMAN: Maggie.
MAGGIE: I'm sorry.
[JESSIE LAUGHS]
Are you thinking about him, dear?
Who?
Peewee? My missing parakeet.
The police won't even look into
it unless it's been 48 hours
and it's a person.
Did, um, did you bring an item of his?
Yes, I did.
His doll. I had it made to look like me.
Whoa.
You'll have to give me the
name of your doll person.
Oh, sure.
Let me see what I can do.
INSTRUCTOR: Come on,
you got this. Dig deeper.
Let's go, let's go. Come
on, everybody. [THUDS]
[GASPS] Oh.
I'm so sorry, Margot.
Uh
your bird is gone.
What? [CHUCKLES]
You're supposed to make me feel better,
- JESSIE: Yes!
- MARGOT: not worse.
There's a reason I go to a
psychic and not a therapist.
Well, unfortunately, the
truth doesn't always care
about how we feel.
Got to get back on eBay now.
For sale. Bird shoes.
Never worn.
Custom. From the bird cobbler.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
♪
♪
I can't believe you have
your own psychic store now.
I always wonder how these
places stay in business.
Aww, you're sweet.
Yeah, it just kind of
felt like the right move.
You know, I can actually
focus on work here
away from all the
distractions of the duplex.
It's honestly almost perfect.
Why almost?
[WHISTLE BLOWS] TRAINER:
Pick it up! Pick it up!
Those love handles aren't going
to handle themselves, ladies!
I'm next to a CrossFit gym.
TRAINER: Dig, dig. There's no
shopping for a thigh gap. Come on!
- [WHEEZY BREATHS]
- Seriously?
Sorry.
This is a great location. How do I look?
Whoa, did you get your hair
in your mustache bleach again?
What? No. The box said
Jared Leto uses this color.
- You want the truth?
- Not from you.
You've got worse bedside
manner than my gynecologist.
And she says "whoa" to everything.
- [DOOR OPENS]
- Hi, girls.
- Hi, Mom.
- Hi, Maria.
I brought a sunlamp.
It's supposed to boost your moods.
I'm sad just looking at it.
Well, I can't return it
because the catalog
already went bankrupt.
- Ah.
- Now, I have a question.
And don't say no.
My meat man's disease-free
son just moved to town.
Oh, sounds hot.
John is 30 and owns a bed frame,
so I give him your number.
That sounds promising.
Thank you, Mom, uh, but
I don't feel like dating.
I've just tried that,
and it was a huge mistake.
- With who?
- I love him for you.
- Mom.
- I'm not in the mood, okay.
- Whoa. Oh.
- [LIGHT FIZZLING]
How about now?
Really?
[INDISCERNIBLE CHATTER]
- Oh hey.
- Hi, ladies.
- Hi.
- Oh wait, are you having a party?
Uh, not that I know of.
We're having a party!
It's a housewarming. I hope that's okay.
- Oh.
- Of course!
I don't live here, but
I love warming homes.
Hey, babe, do you think it's weird
that Ben and Maggie hooked up
and now they're all just, like,
living in this apartment
complex together?
- No, that's not weird.
- No?
People have to live somewhere.
Yeah, but it's all so fast.
I mean, do you think that
my brother even loves Jessie?
Of course, he loves Jessie.
Everybody loves Jessie.
She's like ketchup.
You guys are going to come, right?
It'll be fun, and it won't go late.
I hope it's not going to go late.
Can you see when people
are going to leave?
Oh no. Unfortunately, I
can't choose what I see.
That's why I end up having
so many visions of old men
shaving their shoulders.
Yeah, it's a thing.
I hope that's not why you ran
away halfway through my reading.
- [NERVOUS CHUCKLE]
- You ran away during his reading?
- No, I didn't run away.
- I just saw all there was to see.
Oh, I bet you know some
things that I don't.
[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
[YAWNS] Oh gosh.
I should get to bed, huh?
It's, uh, 4:15.
Yes, stay, Dave made beer.
And we also have good beer.
Oh, but we actually
like unregulated alcohol.
Oh, do we?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Let's try it.
You're acting a little weird.
I'm sorry. I know.
I can't be hanging around
with the guy that I slept with
and his new old girlfriend
and her very angular clavicles.
- You might end up loving her.
- You've been wrong before.
Remember when we were kids
and you had that vision
of me driving a PT Cruiser
and therefore predicted that
I would be a millionaire?
It looked very fancy back then,
and I had no context.
And predictions aside,
Jessie does not know about me and Ben,
so the less time I spend
around her, the better.
Hmm. Oh. [WHISTLES]
- Hey!
- Hey.
You know, Amy is
coming over on Thursday.
You guys should join.
We can do a girls' night. We
can discuss that hair issue.
- We'd love to.
- Amazing.
Ooh, we can play a drinking
game where we say we're fine,
but then drink until we admit we're not
and spill all of our darkest secrets.
[LAUGHTER] LOUISE: Okay.
Sometimes I go to IKEA for dinner.
I don't wear underwear
when I try on swimsuits.
Sometimes I let my dog
Okay, guys, we haven't
started playing yet.
That's right. We got to save
this energy for Thursday.
Can't wait.
Why would you agree to that?
I can't spill my darkest secrets to her.
And you know how I get when I Sancerre.
But she does hair professionally.
That's the most important
friend I can have next to someone
who knows how to wax it off.
Next to you, my numero uno.
[GLASSES CLINK]
[GAGS] BOTH: No, no.
Mm-mm.
Ooh. Is that Bulgarian rosewater?
Pine-Sol. I'm having an earwig problem.
Oh, I have had a day.
You wouldn't believe this
lady that was in here upset
about her lost bird.
What she should have been upset
about is her online shopping habit.
- Wait. Margot came to you?
- Mm-hmm.
- What is with everybody?
- Nobody wants the truth anymore.
Well, not the way you stab it into them.
I just told her the bird ended
up on a singles nudist cruise.
That's where I'd fly away to.
- [SNAPS FINGERS] Angel.
- Sorry.
Yeah. Aren't we supposed
to be honest with people,
even if it hurts them?
Well, yeah,
but maybe you can start by
being honest with yourself.
Okay. What do you mean?
I mean, you're using your
disappointment over Ben
as an excuse to put your walls back up.
I can see it.
Okay, maybe I'm protecting myself.
But it's because I saw
myself ending up with Ben,
and then it turned out I was wrong,
which means I was actually
right, and I end up alone.
- Aww. Maybe Ben is the one.
- Maybe he isn't. Maybe
Shh!
- I wasn't talking.
- Hush, child.
Who is the girthy
Adonis you're talking to
at some housewarming party?
Oh, I'm not going to that party.
- Oh, you are.
- I have no date prospects.
You do.
My mom tried to set me up with someone,
but I never called him back.
Trust me, you're going to
want to call this one back.
He's got that muscly V thing
that goes right to the crotch.
JOHN: And this is me
high-fiving an elephant's paw.
Wow. What's that like?
It's hard to explain,
but it's kind of like
when two people slap
hands together, I guess.
Kind of.
So how long did you live in Thailand?
A week.
Yeah, but it was a super,
super important week.
- Yeah.
- I mean, like
[MIMICS EXPLOSION]
Hmm.
Can I interest you guys in some dessert?
Oh, you don't want any, right?
- No.
- No.
I would actually love some.
WAITRESS: I'll get you a menu.
[DOOR OPENS]
This girls' night
hasn't even started yet,
and I already want to leave.
You sure it's not weird to
bring a single tiny cucumber?
No. Jessie strikes me as someone
who's really into
water-forward vegetables.
Okay, well, what did you bring?
The cucumber's from both of us.
- Come on.
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
- Hi.
- Hi. This is from me.
You're amazing for bringing this.
- Is that a Persian?
- Yes.
I love Persians.
Oh, hi.
[DOOR CLOSES]
I didn't know you all
were hanging out tonight.
Yeah. You got to have
girls for a girls' night.
Right. [CHUCKLES]
Well, I'm, uh
I'm off to meet Dave.
Aww, I love it when you two hang out,
'cause it's still kind of about me.
- Ah, it's not.
- Well.
Um, have a good night.
- Alright, Maggie. Spill it.
- What happened with you two?
[MUFFLED COUGH]
- What do you mean?
- Your date?
The landlord said you went
out with some meat prince.
She was very excited about
the possibility of free ham.
Your mom says hi, by the way.
John. Yes, him.
Who is this John?
Very sweet, but not my thing.
Well, what is your thing?
I mean, I'm a psychic, so I guess
I just want somebody unpredictable
who can surprise me.
John was ugly, wasn't he?
Wow. I literally can't think of words
and look at him at the same time.
[GASPS]
Okay, Maggie, I love you, even
though you still haven't accepted
my period app friend request.
But I feel like I just,
I don't understand you
if you don't want to go
out with this guy again.
Let me see.
Well, listen, there are
some perks to being single.
That being said, it
sounds like a nightmare.
And I wouldn't wish
it on my worst enemy.
That's why I'm married.
Aren't you and Dave not married?
Hmm. Not legally.
We got married at Burning Man.
It was officiated by
an unlicensed wizard.
- Oh.
- He builds Adirondack chairs!
[GASPS] Maggie, what is wrong with you?
So this guy lives in the sea,
and he and the octopus are together?
DAVE: I don't think
they put labels on it,
but I got a good feeling they're
going to make it after all.
I got a good feeling that octopus has
no idea what's going on.
Ben, love is love, even with
a tentacle. Can't fight it.
Listen. Um, when did you
know my sister was the one?
That's not a thing you know, mate.
It's like how do you know
water feels good? It just does.
Well, not always.
Sometimes you drink the wrong kind,
and it ruins the family vacation.
Okay, worrywart.
See, your problem is you think too much.
Just feel. Quick, what's
your favorite direction?
- Uh, what?
- Mine's forward and to the left.
Stop thinking. Just answer.
What's your favorite time?
11:11. Because it reminds
me of four tiny swords.
- [MIMICS SWORD SWISHING]
- Alright. What's yours?
My future with Amy.
Wow. That was interesting.
My intuition just taught me something.
Your turn. Jessie, do you love her?
Yeah, I do.
Nice. What are you drinking?
A crisp white would be nice.
Your intuition is wrong. Two big beers.
- Two big beers.
- Two big beers.
JESSIE: Alright. What do you think?
- I love it.
- Yeah?
- AMY: So good.
- So good.
Yes. Okay.
How much do I owe you?
Um, let's see. Where's my wallet?
Oh, there's the exotic
cucumber I gifted you.
- It's on the house.
- What?
Thank you.
Who knew having a friend
who does hair is so awesome?
Oh my god. Are we allowed to
call each other friends now?
- Yeah.
- I didn't want to, like, say it first
and, you know, scare you guys off.
I haven't made new friends in a while.
Yeah, me neither.
No, I get that for you.
Makes me so upset because
you deserve everything.
We all deserve everything.
Women are amazing.
What did you see in Ben's reading?
Oh. Um
I'm sorry. I shouldn't ask that,
but I've been wanting to all night.
Um, Ben and I have been
off and on for a while,
so I get in my head sometimes,
and I was just wondering
if you saw me in his future.
- Well
- [DOORBELL RINGS]
AMY: Oh. That's the door.
[CLEARS THROAT]
- Hi.
- Hi.
I hope I'm in the right place.
Maggie texted me to come by,
told me to wear basketball shorts.
Please have a seat in this chair.
Or, you know, you can build
one or whatever you want.
- I can do both.
- [LAUGHTER]
- Can I have that back?
- Yeah.
There you go.
I'm Louise, by the way.
- Hi. I'm John.
- Hi.
[BOTH GIGGLING]
JOHN: Oh, is that a Persian?
LOUISE: Oh my god
Oh! Oh god.
Whoa! Uh
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.
Yeah. You just keep
popping up everywhere, huh?
- No more surprises.
- Yeah.
- I, I promise.
- Hmm.
- Keys.
- Your keys.
Don't think. Just answer.
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
I'm going to ask her at the party.
Well, I should get to bed. [CHUCKLES]
Makes more sense now
than when you said it
at four o'clock in the afternoon.
MAGGIE: Yep.
How was your date with the Adonis?
Physically, Helvetica.
Emotionally, Wingdings.
- Tiny wiener?
- I don't know. I didn't see it.
Oh, well, there's always Ben.
No, there isn't.
I had a vision of him
proposing to Jessie
at their housewarming party.
Fun.
I love a tacky public engagement.
It's my favorite part
of straight culture.
Angel, why do you keep
telling me to be open-minded?
Just tell me I'm doomed
and let me give up.
I'm not like our clients.
I can handle the truth.
Okay, here's the truth.
Your problem is you can see the future,
but you never see past it.
What's past the future?
Hope, honey.
And that is something
that everybody needs.
In that regard,
you're no different than your clients.
What am I even hoping for?
You'll know, when it
walks through your door.
[STOMACH RUMBLES] Oh.
Oh, I need a Tums.
Those tiny wieners go right through me.
I am surprised to see you back.
I don't know where else to go.
Jo-Ann Fabric was closed,
and the world just keeps
moving on without my bird.
And I can't seem to
- I know what you mean.
- I'm just hopeless.
You know what?
Even psychics need to
double-check their work sometimes.
Can I have your hands?
- Mm.
- MAN: [ON TV] This bond
between the octopus and its human
I love you.
Hmm.
Well, I don't know how
to tell you this, Margot,
but I do see a bird in your future.
- Are we happy?
- Yeah.
[LAUGHS]
Thank you.
- [WHISTLE BLOWS] CROSSFI
- TRAINER: Pain is a gift!
- It is everyone's
- MAGGIE: Oh. Watch out, Margot.
[PANTING] Uh, who are
you? What are you doing?
Please, don't make me go back out there.
We have been running up and down
the same staircase for 20 minutes.
Yeah. You lost me at running.
That's where they lost me, too.
Oh god, I'm so sorry.
Well, I mean, you can
hide in here if you want.
Can I? I won't touch anything.
Oh. I think you're going to
change your mind about that.
Wow.
You must be psychic.
- So what do you do here?
- I'm a psychic.
Well, that explains it.
I'm Daniel, by the way.
- Maggie.
- Thank you, Maggie.
Maybe, just maybe, this will
get me through the battle ropes.
Well, turns out I like giving
people a little hope now and then.
Look, um,
I hate to ask you this
when you can see the outline
of my nipples through my shirt.
- Oh.
- DANIEL: But, um
would you want to go out sometime?
Actually, um,
what are you doing tonight?
I may or may not die from CrossFit,
but if I'm alive, I'm available.
[LAUGHS] Perfect.
[SHOUTING IN SPANISH]
Thank you.
Hi. Thanks for coming.
Oh, bar's over there. Food's inside.
Uh, the party does end at
10:00, but have a great time.
You look great, by the way.
I almost didn't recognize
you with your nipples covered.
Oh, don't worry. They're still there.
[MAGGIE CHUCKLES]
- So glad you decided to come.
- Thanks for having me.
Yeah. So, what were you doing today?
Oh, I was counting trees all
throughout my neighborhood.
Oh. How many were there?
- Two.
- Oh, okay.
Oh my gosh. John is so fascinating.
Did you know that
he's found every Waldo?
Yeah. That was the
first thing he told me.
Oh, hey, Maggie. Have you seen Dave?
Not like in the future, but like now.
Oh no, I haven't seen him in either.
Oh, I bet John could find him.
- Oh, okay.
- Mm-hmm.
- Have you seen Dave?
- [CLINKING]
Oh.
Hi. Uh, thank you all so much for coming
to celebrate this new
chapter for Jessie and me.
There's a lot that could be said
for finding the right
person in your life.
Which brings us to what
this night is really about.
Dave.
- Thanks, mate.
- Where's Amy?
- Um
- Sorry. Excuse me.
Oh god. There you are.
- Dave, what are you doing?
- You're as beautiful today
as the day when we maybe
got married at Burning Man.
Oh.
And I'm not even on mushrooms.
[ALL LAUGH]
I've never looked back from that moment.
But recently,
I've been finding myself looking
forward and a little to the left.
Your favorite direction?
- That's my favorite direction.
- You know me so well.
I know I have my head
in the clouds sometimes
and I don't always
read your text messages,
especially when you
send a bunch in a row.
But I don't want to go
another day wondering
if that wizard that married
us had a license or not.
ALL: Aww!
Will you marry me? For real this time?
Yes. Of course.
- Yes, yes, yes, of course.
- Yes!
Yes!
- Woo!
- [ALL CHEERING]
- She said yes!
- Yes!
Ooh, I did not see that coming.
- Me neither.
- I had no idea he was Australian.
Yeah, I'm just hearing it now.
BEN: Let me guess
texting that you looked
for me to say good night
but now you need to get to bed?
Oh, this is awkward.
I didn't save your number.
What's your name again?
I need to ask you something.
- Oh.
- I'm going to ask her at the party.
- You were going to ask me.
- Well, we haven't talked.
And it's weird that I moved into
your duplex with my girlfriend,
especially after we, you know.
Took the D train to V town.
I was going to say "spent
a lovely night together."
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
Which is kind of the problem.
You're pregnant.
I wanted to ask if I
should tell Jessie about us.
- Oh.
- I love her.
And I don't want to hurt her.
Oh, gorgeous.
You know, I think the truth
can hurt people sometimes.
And maybe it's better if we just
leave the past in the past.
Yeah, yeah.
You're probably right.
What about us? We'll be okay?
Yeah, we're friends.
We're friends.
Good news.
She must see you in her future
if she's keeping you around, huh?
[CHUCKLES]
Hey. There you are.
That used to be my line.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- Nice guy.
- MAGGIE: Yeah.
Um, do you want to get another drink?
You know, I'm actually
not a huge fan of parties.
Oh?
There's just something about
the talking and the people
and the talking to people.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
- Totally.
Well, my place is right upstairs,
and we don't have to talk to anybody.
Oh.
Uh, well, you know, it's a good thing
I have a lot of practice with stairs.
- Do you?
- Well, you know, I almost died today.
We'll take it step-by-step.
[PARTY CHATTER]
♪
♪
Can you see if people will
notice if I get Invisalign?
- Oh, um
- [DOOR OPENS]
- [SIGHS]
- Sorry to bother you,
but I own the CrossFit studio next door.
Have you seen one of our students?
Scruffy, brutal BMI.
- Smells like cookies.
- I haven't seen him. Sorry.
Well, if you do, tell him we're all
pushing tires across the parking lot.
Lamp really lifted my spirits.
I think I can make it to my car now.
Bye.
[CHUCKLES]
- He's cute, right?
- [CLEARS THROAT]
Oh. Um.
- [CLEARS THROAT]
- Invisalign.
- Yep, people will notice.
- Okay.
theme music playing ♪
♪
[CLUCKING]