Marvin, Marvin (2012) s01e02 Episode Script

1 Henry, do you want to go to the comic book store? - Can't.
I'm grounded.
- For what? Trying to cut the butt out of dad's jeans.
He is so sensitive.
- But it's free-comic Friday.
- Free comics? Well, I guess I could be back before anyone finds Wait.
Mom and dad put you up to this.
You're wearing a hidden microphone.
Nice try, mom and dad! Mom and dad did not hide a microphone on me.
Or did they? Hello? Hello? Hello? Afternoon, space invader.
You're in a great mood, grandpa.
Did you just use the human waste removal room? - Nope.
- Just got my monthly check from the government.
And this time, I'm not gonna blow it on something stupid.
I'm gonna do the responsible thing.
I'm gonna take it to the horse track and double it.
- Now, where's my lucky hat? - What's the horse track? It's a place where horses race each other.
And me and other degenerates can put bets on which one we think's gonna win.
Well, I'm really good at betting.
This one time, Henry bet me that I couldn't clean our whole room by myself.
I showed him.
Can I go? Oh, no.
Listen, kid.
The racetrack's got a bunch of pretty rough characters.
Bob and Liz would kill me if I brought you along there.
I can't find my lucky hat.
Murray, if you're thirsty, just grab a drink from the toilet.
What do you mean you don't like toilet water? It's got blue flavoring in it.
Mm, arctic fresh.
Say, Marvin, you wouldn't happen to have the ability to talk to horses, would you? Of course.
I speak all the animal languages.
I'm not an idiot.
You know, we don't spend nearly enough time together.
We're going to the track! This is my home planet, Klooton.
These are the Klerg.
They hate Klooton.
To protect me, my parents sent me away while they stayed to fight the Klerg.
Eat it, Klerg! I landed on earth and took the form of a human.
At first, I was scared.
Fortunately, I met a very nice family.
Hello, I'm Marvin! That's how we greet people on Klooton.
It's very polite.
They agreed to raise me like their own son until the Klerg were defeated.
Now I'm living a secret life as a normal American kid.
And you can barely tell I'm different.
Hey, what are you guys up to? Oh, our school is sponsoring a young entrepreneurs contest with a $1,000 prize.
- Oh.
- Wow.
When we win, we're gonna get personal assistants and a private jet.
I mean, all the pieces are in place.
There's just one thing missing: An idea.
- Oh, yeah, that could be a problem.
- Yeah.
I have tons of good ideas.
- Oh, that's okay, mom.
We're gonna - Yeah, here's one.
Here we go.
So you throw your trash away in a garbage can, but what do you do when you want to throw away the garbage can? It's a garbage can for garbage cans.
Oh.
I call it "The Can-Can.
" - All right.
- Oh, that's a great idea, mom.
Top notch, yeah.
I mean, it might be a little big for us, But, dad, I mean, you should tell your boss.
Oh, I will.
I will.
Yeah, but for now, I'm just gonna file it in the can-can.
Wow.
This place is great.
There's a horse and snacks.
Hey, you can eat later.
I need you to talk to the horses right now.
Find out which one's feeling fast.
I need the inside scoop.
Hello.
I'm Marvin.
Your name is "Improbable story"? You're the horse grandpa selected to win the whole race.
Wow.
What a great life.
You get to eat all the hay you want and run around all day with a tiny man on your back.
What do you mean, you're miserable? Your owner calls you stupid? He never pets you when you win? And he lets the tiny man fart on your back all day? If I was your owner, I would never treat you like that.
- Come on, stupid.
Let's go.
- We have a race to win.
Excuse me, sir, But if your horse wins, you should really pet him.
Yeah, and while I'm at it, I could braid his mane and give him a foot rub.
He would love that! So who's gonna win the race? Ooh, interesting.
Get moving, stupid.
Don't call him stupid.
I was talking to you stupid.
All right, now, once again, tell me exactly what that horse said.
No, in English.
He said that Murphy's charm is going to win.
All right, Murphy's charm.
- Good.
- All right.
- Oh.
- Come on, Murphy's charm.
Pop-Pop needs some New hair-Growth formula.
And they're off.
Fire corps pilot takes the early lead.
Murphy's charm in second, close behind.
That's a good position.
Come on, baby! And from behind, on the inside, here comes improbable story.
He's passed bill Murray's filmography.
He's passed proletariat.
He's just passed unpassable.
And he's taken the lead.
Watch him go! I thought you said Improbable story wasn't gonna win this race.
That's what he told me.
And that horse had a very honest long face.
And down the stretch they come, with improbable story out in front.
No.
Whoa! Improbable story just threw off his jockey.
Would you look at that little man fly? That horse has just hopped the fence.
And he's out of here.
And coming down the stretch, Murphy's charm wins! Ooh! Do you realize what this means? Improbable story took my advice and ran away.
No.
I'm rich! I won! Do you think he'll be okay out there? A horse alone in the city? He'll be just fine.
Really? No.
Teri, check it out.
I have our business idea.
Bam! A headband? That's your idea? No, it's a scrunchie, a sweatband, and bandana all in one.
I call it "the hair bandit.
" What do you think? Well, I like your enthusiasm.
But since most men don't wear headbands, I think we're limiting our market to women and maybe Lebron James.
Okay, what's your big idea? Wireless earbuds.
They're the next big thing.
But they have one big problem: What if you lose one? If only there was a way to keep them together.
Well, now there is.
I call them "Sticky budz.
" What do you think? Well, I like your enthusiasm too.
But you're limiting your market to people with two ears.
So what are we gonna do? Hey, guys.
Don't let me interrupt.
Oh, I know.
Focus group.
Hey, dad, we need your help.
Oh.
Which idea's better, a hair bandit, which is some sort of scrunchie headband, - or sticky budz, the future of earbud technology.
- So what do you think? I mean, sticky budz, right, not that hair-whatever.
You know what? - Maybe we should each do our own idea.
- Well, actually - Yeah, maybe we should.
- Okay, now But when no one buys your sticky budz, - don't come begging for a ride on my private jet.
- Well, there's really no need Your private jet's gonna be just like your company, unable to take off.
Oh.
Speaking of taking off, see ya! Glad I could help.
Hey, Marvin, come on over here and help old Pop-Pop spend his money.
I'm thinking about buying a tank with a sunroof.
No, a convertible.
Justl can't stop thinking about improbable story.
I just wonder where he could be hind you is nothing! What are you doing? I'm an alien.
I just I do weird things sometimes, you know? - Well, stop it.
- Well, you better go upstairs 'cause I'm about to start emitting weird alien fluids that have weird alien smells.
Ooh! Not on the money.
Oh, no! Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
Someone help me.
What are you doing here? You came here to thank me? For what? You ran away from the mean man who calls you stupid? Could this have anything to do with the fact that I told you to run away? Ooh, next time, I better be more careful about what I say to horses.
So what's your plan? You're gonna join a motorcycle gang? Oh, no, you're not, mister! You're gonna move in with me.
But if mom Liz and Dad Bob find out, we'll both be in really big trouble.
We'd better get you a disguise.
Oh! Perfect.
I hope you don't mind pretending you're a girl.
Okay, if anyone finds you, they're gonna send you back to the racetrack with that mean man.
So let's come up with a cover story.
You're not improbable story anymore.
You're a girl horse named Megan.
Fine.
A skinny girl horse named Megan.
I'm gonna go get the oats I bought for you.
Yes, Megan, you look cute.
What is that smell? Smell? I don't smell anything.
Maybe you just forgot to put on your human stink repellant.
It wouldn't be the first time.
No.
No.
No.
You know, it smells more like my Uncle Jack's farm in Montana, like horses.
Horses? No, I just used the bathroom.
I made a number-four, so Okay, I got to do the laundry.
Oh, mom Liz, I'll do the laundry.
- You work way too hard.
- Oh.
Just go grab a book and go to that coffee shop you love.
Oh, you are so sweet, Marvin.
Always thinking of God.
Man, that is some number-Four.
Whoo.
Oh, hey, Marvin.
Remember how I told you about that contest that I really, really want to win? - Well, I need your help.
- Uh, yeah, not a good time.
What's with the giant bag of oats? Bag of oats? No, it's a new cereal I bought at the bulk-Food store.
I bet it has a really big prize at the bottom? - What? - Let's not talk about this.
What was your problem? Oh, I need you to try out my latest Sticky budz prototype.
Okay.
What do you think? No! No! Bad idea.
Get back.
You sound just like Brianna.
If you don't want to get caught, you have to work with me.
And where's your disguise? You ate it? That's the third time today.
Flowers do not grow on trees, you know.
Hey, Marvin.
Henry, you've got to help me with something.
I've got a little problem.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
This is way too much heat for me.
I'm already grounded.
I can't be involved with grand theft horse.
Seriously, though, a horse in the house? Respect.
Until the heat calms down, we're gonna have to lay low.
But we can still have fun.
What do you want to do? Well, it's Marvin and improbable story A boy and his horse bound for glory It's not impossible Just a little improbable Marvin and improbable story Giddyup! Take it, horse! Oh, hey! Check out sticky budz.
You don't want those stinky budz.
You want the hair bandit.
No, you don't.
They make bad hair days worse.
Ooh, these look interesting.
Wireless and worry-Less, because you won't have to worry about losing them.
Ah.
Ow! What's wrong? They just ripped out my ear hair.
I could give you that back.
Here, why don't you try my invention? It's pain-free.
Great idea.
How did you think of this, go outside and see people wearing headbands? I can't believe we're fighting over sticky budz and hair bandits.
I know.
I feel terrible.
Me too.
I'm sorry I dissed your idea.
And I'm sorry I dissed yours and said your hair was too shiny.
I never heard that.
Oh, okay then.
Just give me a hug, you.
I'm here to help you guys.
- Oh, you're so sweet.
- No.
Mom said she'd knock off a couple weeks of my grounding if I helped.
Well, we're officially out of business.
Hey, what's this? Whoa, headband earbuds? This is so cool.
Now I can listen to music in class and my teachers won't know.
Wait.
Mom and dad put you up to this.
This is some kind of hidden microphone.
Nice try, But my hands are clean.
Clean! Headband earbuds, the perfect invention.
And now we're so going to win.
Give me a high-five.
My MP3 player! Wait.
I think it's okay.
Oh, maybe not.
Well, without that music player, our invention won't work.
Okay, don't worry.
I know what to do.
Forman residence.
You're on speakerphone.
Marvin, it's an emergency.
I know! You forgot some of Brianna's hair bandits.
And you are still on speakerphone.
No, I need someone to bring me dad's MP3 player.
Oh, it's right here.
- But no one's home right now.
- Shh! And by the way, that was not a horse.
That was me just practicing my animal languages.
Meh.
Meh.
Ooh-Ooh! Ahh-Ahh! Meow.
Rarf, rarf, rarf! We need to hurry.
The judges are four booths away.
Marvin, isn't there anything you can do? I mean, I could walk, but it would take a while.
Thanks anyway.
Man, I really wish There was something I could do - to help Teri.
- What? Are you naying what I think you're naying? Giddyup! Hey, get that horse out of the hallway! It's okay.
He has a hall pass.
Psst.
Teri, it's me, Marvin.
Yeah, I know.
What are you doing here? Shh.
I'm here in secret.
You never saw me.
No one saw me.
Okay.
All right.
I brought you this.
Oh, my music.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
I like the hair bandits.
It wasn't my idea.
It was improba I mean, Megan's idea.
Do I even ask where you found a horse? He found me, Teri.
He found me.
You.
Well, hello, stupid.
Don't call my son stupid.
I was talking to the horse This time.
Why is he here? He wants his horse back.
But how could he have possibly found me? I recognized my horse on the news, riding through town, despite your brilliant disguise.
We won! Can you believe it? $1,000.
Oh, that is such good news.
But we have a little situation here.
Mr.
Kotch, I am sure that Marvin has an explanation for all of this.
Actually, I'm not really sure.
It's more that I'm hoping.
The truth is, improbable story has been lonely and miserable because this man treats him terribly.
He makes him run every day until his hooves ache.
And he doesn't even know what his horse wants to do when he grows up.
He wants to be in a motorcycle gang.
Now you want to be an underwater welder? Why do you always have to pick the dangerous jobs? What are you, some kind of horse whisperer? Oh, we don't whisper to each other unless we're telling secrets about the dog.
Now, if you'll excuse me, it's time to get my horse back to his cell I mean, cage - I mean, stable.
- I'll pull the trailer around.
We've got to help that horse.
He is the reason we won the contest.
Wait, we'll buy improbable story.
With what? $1,000.
Oh, that's great.
Now I'll just need another 34 more of those giant checks.
That's crazy.
Where are we ever going to find a giant bank open at this hour? Oh, I bought a lot of expensive things this week, but I do not remember buying a horse.
Did I buy a horse? Wait.
Grandpa has enough money to buy the horse.
Oh, I'd love to help you out, but I need this money for necessities, like a waterbed filled with Champagne.
If it weren't for improbable story, you wouldn't be able to afford that Champagne bed.
You know, Uncle Jack would be really happy to have that horse at his ranch.
Please, grandpa? The horse is all alone, just like another strange creature who showed up at your doorstep in need of help.
I'm talking about me.
- Oh, all right.
- Good-bye, money.
Even though we won't sleep in the same bed together anymore, it doesn't mean I don't love you.
Thanks stupids.
Horse, Stack of money, rich, evil guy; I picked the wrong week to get out of the game.
I know you're sad, buddy, but mom Liz says Uncle Jack's farm up in Montana is real nice.
I'll miss you too.
But I'll visit you next summer.
It's time for your friend to go now.
Say good-Bye, buddy.
Well, this is it.
Oh, don't be silly.
That's what best friends are for, right? Oh, and I got you something so you won't forget me.
Well, it's Marvin and improbable story A boy and his horse bound for glory It's not impossible Just a little improbable Marvin and improbable story Giddyup! Take it, horse!