Miseducation (2023) s01e02 Episode Script

1
How did I miss
that he has a fucking girlfriend?
He was totally giving me vibes.
Girl, he is all over her page.
Clingy much?
What in the telenovela
is happening in my life?
"My booed-up crush
is my high school enemy's
adopted black brother?"
Fuck yes. I'd watch that.
- Jay, focus!
- Hmm!
How do I still win Sivu after this?
You don't.
Men will just
use you and hurt you
and basically assault you and then
act like nothing happened.
Jay, you can trust me.
You can tell me who hurt you.
It was Caesar.
- Caesar? Really?
- Yeah.
Did Makhanda break my gaydar?
Okay, but you have to report him.
Especially since
he's standing for re-election.
- Jay, you have to.
- No.
I wont I was outed, okay?
And I would never do that to anyone.
Not even a dick like him.
But please tell me more
about your home wrecking plans.
Don't call it that.
And Pearl is not a mountain.
Okay? She can be moved.
Natalie just needs
to not fuck this up for me.
You need to stop
leaving your clothes
- lying everywhere.
- My side, my rules, honey.
I'm serious, Mbali,
I'm not going to clean up after you.
Are you sure about that?
This one as well.
Thanks, doll.
Who the fuck was that?
Oh, my roommate.
First, you piss off Natalie
on the first day. And now this?
You really know
how to make friends, eh? Cheers.
Oh please,
Natalie is a breeze.
Girls like her worship me.
Okay Purr!
You need to cover
my ST-Uber trips tonight for me.
I have a date.
- A date?
- Mm-hmm.
- Even after the
- Mm-mm.
I am done wasting away
my varsity life for some asshole.
Fuck this romance bullshit.
From now on the only feeling is horny.
Fine. It's not like
you got customers anyway.
Hold on.
Why the hell are we
at the Engineering block?
Because I downloaded Natalie's time table.
- So you are stalking her.
- I have a plan.
Oh my God, Mbali.
Oops!
So sorry. Didn't see you there.
What are you doing here?
Okay, look, I'm ready to forgive you
for telling everybody who my mother is
and for us to be friends.
Let's have drinks together. It'd be fun.
I'd rather rewatch
the finale of Game of Thrones.
Can Can you believe her?!
Not you making drinks
your whole plan, please.
Shut up.
Two months in a cast isn't so bad, eh?
I'm out for the rest of the season.
- You you can go ahead, Pearl.
- No, you're his mom.
The moment of truth.
Who is Sivu's true first lady?
Actually, I can feed myself.
Can somebody say something
that's not about my hand?
Natalie is joining the Labia Lab.
Hey!
You're joining that antiquated club
that excludes trans women?
Unfortunately.
But you are absolutely right, Pearl.
Maybe we should, um,
we should table this, Natalie.
Fighting for the rights
of women who don't have labias.
Can we not talk about labias at dinner?
Are you ready
for the presidential debate?
I don't feel like running
for president anymore.
Oh, your injured hand
shouldn't affect your ability
to run, Sivu.
James, he needs the rest.
Didn't you hear the doctor?
That in the
They said he may never row again.
- I'm encouraging him.
- Sivu
This is a safe space.
Bottling your emotions
isn't going to help.
What ever it is, let it out.
Are you going to fix my hand?
My career? Give me back my life?
No, you're not.
So how is talking going to help anyone?
Oh, you know what?
No, you go.
Of course, you go. Of course.
Do you know about Piaget's theory
of cognitive development?
Are you about to psycho-analyze me now?
Hear me out.
It's basically two processes,
assimilation and accommodation.
Assimilation is when
we change our realities to fit us.
And accommodation is
when we change ourselves
to fit our realities.
Why do I get so turned on
when you geek out on me?
You, have to find a way
to accommodate your new reality.
Just like how, right now,
you're at my mercy.
So, what are you going to do about it?
- Well
- Hmmm!
Not much while I'm still in this.
You could still win the election.
We can do it together.
You know what I can definitely still do?
- Hmm?
- This.
Um, your parents
could walk in anytime now.
You'd better keep quiet then.
Oh please, as if I'm the loud one.
If you were my only one
I would worship you. I will worship you ♪
Ah, ah ♪
Are you going to order more,
or you have your hands full?
Yes, another round.
Hey, listen, I'm really hard right now.
Good. It's gonna make it so easy
for me to take advantage of you.
That sounds a bit rapey.
Hey, relax.
I want your full verbal
enthusiastic consent
when I touch you. You hear me?
I'm done with this place. In two minutes,
act like you're going
to the toilet and slip out.
Meet me at my car.
- Do you understand?
- Okay.
Good boy.
Wait, um, what about paying?
Where's your sense of adventure? Hey!
What the fuck?!
- That was wild!
- I told you it was gonna be fun.
Oh my God!
Let's go back to my place. Now!
Did you see table three?
I think they just left.
I'm sorry girl,
you have been played.
You know it's coming off your tips, right?
Fuck!
- Mbali!
- Hmm!
Where is that
idiot friend of yours?
- What?
- The Indian one with the big mouth.
Oh! Darling,
he's gay and has taste.
You don't stand a chance.
Your friend and his boyfriend
skipped on a very
expensive bill and I had to pay for it.
Aphiwe, why am I in it?
I can't afford it, Mbali.
I have to save each
and every cent that I get
to stay here in school.
Hmm, cent, huh?
Here you go.
That should last you for the week.
Wow!
You are such an idiot. You know that?
Why do you say that?
How is bevvy going to help my hand?
- Vodka fixes everything, my friend.
- Mm-hmm.
Except you.
For smashing that first year girl
Okay, firstly,
I did not smash and
I don't like seeing
people getting bullied.
- Give me that.
- Okay, Pearl.
- Don't call me Pearl. Fuck you, bro!
- If you say so.
Pearl says that
- maybe it's time for me
- Yeah, okay. Here we go again.
You know I'm being serious, bro.
She said that maybe it's time for me to
realign and just focus more on the
election and the campaign debates.
Well, we need you
to take down that fucking Caesar
guy and his racist politics.
Like, can't we all just get along, huh?
Ubuntu vibes, huh? You know what I mean?
Yes.
So you think I could win it?
Listen to me, man.
You are Sivu Olympic Levin.
You got the campus
and you got the boytjies
What else do you need, huh? You got this.
How's Coach taking all of this?
He's fucking bleak, man.
He thinks that we might lose this season.
But um,
he'll speak to you later.
Don't worry, bro.
I'm your captain. I got you guys.
- Yeah, man.
- I got you.
But on a serious note, though
how are you gonna wank, huh?
Aww!
Come on, man. Come get a swim.
So, did Diet Company X
persuade or manipulate
their customers into believing
that they can lose
10kgs within the first month.
Manipulative.
I mean their success
stories were already thin.
They followed
a healthy diet and they exercised.
It wasn't the diet pill that worked alone.
They simply sold a lie.
Oh, hang on!
I mean, it's not like the company
said you shouldn't exercise and eat well.
Did they lie or did they just
omit some information?
Isn't it the same thing?
Well, you can't really blame
the company if you fall for anything.
Spoken like a true Hadebe.
Hey!
This isn't personal.
This is supposed to be a debate.
That's what we as marketers do.
We zone in on the shared interests
and values of the customer
to win them over.
That's why personal data
and browsing histories
are valued very highly.
What if the said customer
is super annoying
and dresses like a ten-year-old boy
but you really need them on your side?
Totally hypothetical.
Hypothetically, you do your research
and you reach them on their level.
And that's how you persuade them.
Remember guys, marketing is
about the needs and wants
of the customers. You need to understand
their desires in order to
Mbali, what are you doing?
Hey, I didn't see you there.
Don't see me one more time
and I'll get a restraining order.
I was just listening to this dope band.
You know the Medicine Dolls?
Have you ever heard of them?
Sing one of their songs.
Okay. Um
My vicious little sister ♪
Stabbed me and then I die ♪
wow wow wow wow woo ♪
Hmm!
You really do know them.
- Really?
- No.
- What do you want?
- For you to stop being such a bitch.
Oh, me a bitch?!
And for us to move on. Look,
- let me help you with these banners.
- No.
- Let me help you please.
- Let go! Please.
Why won't you give
our friendship a chance?
Let it go!
When he say it's just the tip. Am I right?
This took me hours to do!
Hours, Nats? And you only
gave it that many inches?
Fuck off.
What the hell is going on here?
Um, it was all her fault.
Oh. Easy, right?
Blame the Black girl.
Your privilege is peaking.
Wow! There's no need for that
"pseudo-woke" racial policing here.
Oh, really?
Ladies and gentlemen,
a round of applause.
We have a tea girl in the house, huh!
- I'm about to strike a rock
- Okay. Listen
No one is striking anyone, okay?
Look, Zanele, I'm really sorry.
It was a mistake.
Do you know what the real mistake is?
You.
We should never
have allowed you into our society.
You are not a culture fit.
You're not an LL.
My mom founded the LL.
You know what?
Don't forget to take your friend with you.
She's not my friend!
Okay remember ladies, you need
to bring it straight to your C-cups.
Straight to the C-cups.
Watch the leg.
- Straight to your C-cups.
- Come on, you green machine!
Come on, guys. You can't win
by looking at me. Keep rowing.
Jay, into the chest.
Hey, buddy.
Didn't the docs put you on bed rest?
You know me, Coach.
A captain can never abandon his team.
Um, quick chat, in my office.
Coach,
what's going on?
Okes, so let's get in the water.
Come on!
You heard the man. Double time.
Move your legs!
Okay.
It's like this.
I cannot afford
to have a captain who can't row.
So
Kyle will be stepping in as Captain.
Yeah?
I'll leave you boys to it.
Listen Sivu, I
- I wanted to tell you. It's just that
- No words.
It's okay.
Listen,
you're still a part of the team, my boy.
Yeah.
And we'll be there for you at the debates.
We're still cool, right?
- Yeah. Cool, thanks.
- Yeah, man!
Bring it in.
Hey, go. Go lead the guys. Kill it!
You know I kind of love how
everyone uses Colonel Graham as ashtray.
Uh, it's what he deserves.
Oh?
And how about men
who skip out on their bill?
Shit. You heard about that?
You can never come to my room again.
Aphiwe will kill you.
- I want my money.
- Not you with literal receipts!
Look, I can explain.
I'm trying to see graduation.
And that won't happen
if rich kids like you steal from me.
I'm not rich yet.
But thank you for believing in my vision.
My money.
Look, I don't have
the cash right now. Okay?
You have until tonight.
Otherwise,
I'm reporting this to the police.
Geez. She's intense.
See now what I have to go through.
You gonna get me back into LL.
Talk to Zanele. Do what you need to do.
She was looking
for any reason to exclude you, dude.
You're not a "culture fit," remember?
You're saying that
you want to be my friend?
Now is the time to prove it.
Yeah, prove it.
We got pivot your brand
from white supremacist to
pro-Black revolutionary.
And we use this colonialist asshole to do
no, to do it.
Okay wait, try that again
but in English just for us.
We steal the bust,
and we give it to the LL.
Okay, Mbali, that is crazy, stupid
and will definitely get us expelled.
No way.
Fucking with statues
of old white dudes is peak fashion.
Besides, your white
privilege will protect you.
We can do it tonight during the debate.
I don't know.
Do you want back in
that stupid club of yours or not?
You'd be considered an ally.
Thanks.
Okay.
I didn't call you
for an afternoon quickie.
Please.
It's never quick with me, baby.
Listen, the waitress from last night
confronted me. It was a mess.
So?
So, I need your
other half of the bill money.
She'll live, okay?
I'm not so sure she will.
And it was
your idea to dine and dash. Okay?
I just need your half please.
Just charge it to the game.
Well, the game can suck my dick!
Already did that.
Seriously, just pay Aphiwe.
It's the principle of the whole thing.
Okay, Mr. Ethics.
Oh, but hurry up.
We have to meet Natalie after this.
Sure, can you just keep a look out for me?
Come on!
- Shit, but that was awesome!
- That was amazing!
I think you're my soulmate.
I love this for us.
Now let's get
that motherfucking bust.
Welcome to the 2023
SRC underground debate.
I keep it burning all day,
and lit all night.
I'm the host with the most, Rizzla!
Alright. This is how
it's going to work tonight.
The loudest applause picks the winner.
No applause,
you get to show your nuts
on campus and let them hang.
So this is what's going to happen,
our candidates
are going to go at each other.
I'm gonna give them 30 seconds to debate
and make sure
that they've got a fire point.
This we call,
The Chili Champion.
I've got the hottest wings
you all can find in Makhanda
to make sure that your points are
on fire because the wings
will burn you!
But before we get into that,
please allow me to welcome
the hottest girl on campus, Raeesah.
- Oh girl, you looking fly.
- Thank you.
- You ready? Pick one.
- Alright.
- It's getting hot.
- Mmm.
"What's your plan to help
finance underprivileged students
facing exclusion?"
Yes, ask them.
- Yeah.
- That's a hot topic.
Brother Caesar,
it's on you. The stage is all yours, Sir.
You see, the exclusion of the black child
is a miscarriage of justice!
We don't have looted monies
acquired on the backs of black laborers
that allow us to be able
to afford this institution.
Yes. Sure.
Therefore I call,
for the complete and unadulterated
erasure of all historical student debts.
Onwards and upwards.
- Power!
- To the people!
Up next we have Sivu Levin,
the only Black man
you'll find in the water, by choice.
The stage is yours.
You see, the university has things
in place already for the underprivileged
things like the financial aid
and scholarships that can actually
help the people who are underprivileged.
And don't have White parents!
Hey! Go fuck yourself, okay?
I don't know you,
you don't know me.
Fuck yourself.
You don't know me.
Guys! Guys!
Listen, calm guys,
calm down. This is not about race,
or who your parents are.
Cause all lives matter.
Yes!
Sivu!
What do we have?
A pre-revolutionary.
Mmusi better have
My money in the bank! ♪
Money in the bank,
money in the bank. ♪
Alright.
Up next, the brother
with one name and one name only.
Brother Mubarak. Make some noise!
We pay for education,
because they are poisoning us.
Using micro-chips
that they put in our water
and brainwashing us.
Emancipate your minds.
Don't drink water!
So, all we have to do
is unscrew it and dig it out.
This is all I could get
under such a short notice.
It's fucking amateur hour.
Okay, take this.
Shit, guard! Come!
What the fuck?
Yeah!
I got it from my dad's tool box.
I'm going to blow the thing,
and then it'll slide right off.
What? I learnt it on TikTok.
Why would your algorithms even be show
- You know what? It doesn't even matter.
- Alright.
Let's go.
Let's get it!
- Okay.
- Are you ready, guys?
Listen.
How will you
prioritize the mental health
of students as the president
accompanied by the favorite on campus,
FW de twerk!
- No! Comrade!
- Twerk.
We are not going to be doing that.
That was canceled
from the roster of the debates.
All the candidates
have to participate in the
Twerk!
- Twerk!
- That is the problem.
They make us dance for airtime and chicken
and now they want us
to dance for democracy,
after something is named
after an apartheid denialist!
Yeah. Let's go.
What's your problem?
Is there a chicken here?
Are scared because
you don't have any moves?
Coconut! I am not the token black here.
Run!
That's the only running
you'll be doing this year. So run.
In the absence
of Caesar Mokoena,
we know who the winner is.
Sivu Levin!
Sivu!
Brother, you know what you got to do.
As the loser, he's got to
- Take it off!
- Come on!
- Come on!
- Take it off!
Take it off!
So heavy!
- Why is this head so heavy?
- Oh tell me about it.
- Pick up your feet Natalie!
- I'm trying.
What, the fuck was that?
Shit! The fucking debate must be over.
So soon?
No,
we have to go to the car!
- Back. I'm going. Step back!
- Okay, put it. Put it.
- Back off!
- Oh, fuck!
Get up, Natalie!
Did I just see
Mubarak's full frontal penis?
Uncut! I like it!
Huh! Is it better?
Yeah. More to love.
Seriously, we need
to get you a dick, friend.
- Let's go.
- Fast! Remember the bust!
Come on. Move on. Let's go.
- Oh, fuck you, Graham. One
- Damn!
two, three.
- Stupid big head!
- Fucking Graham.
So, now what?
Well, Nat will present it
to the LL and deliver
a revolutionary, anti-colonial speech.
And that will get her back in.
I never wanted to be a part of the LL.
No, seriously.
This was all just for my mom.
With this stupid society she gave
more than two shits about me.
So? That's normal.
I mean, my mom gave one shit about me.
No. Actually, no shits.
She was constipated.
Well I wish my mom would
just stop giving shits about me.
Look, Nat, this is
only worth it if you want it.
- But, what about my mom?
- Fuck her.
Fuck them all! Look,
we're adults now, okay?
We are living for ourselves.
Look, what I found.
Mom, knock!
This is what Nelson Mandela
went to prison for.
Well, Professor Levin,
if we're keeping it 100,
he went to prison for terrorism.
But okay.
Mbali, you should join the Labia Lab.
They could use your spiritedness.
Mom, no one is joining the LL.
Not Mbali, and especially not me.
And I won't be joining either.
- Not that anybody asked.
- And Jay.
But the
- The Labia Lab is our thing.
- Mm-mm.
Of course, you're joining.
No, I'm an adult now.
I can live for myself.
So fuck all of you!
Oh girl, you're not actually
supposed to say to her.
I respect you're
finding a voice.
I'm also very disappointed.
Yeah, well, at least
that's something you're used to.
Yeah.
Guys, I'm fucking free!
I can do whatever the fuck I want.
I can try MDMA, and lose my virginity,
I kiss a girl maybe.
Okay, pause. Pause!
Mbali, you might wanna take this request.
Oh. Okay, Nat.
- Duty calls, my dear.
- No, what about the bust?
We'll figure something out.
- Do you want to go?
- No. Mbali, please wait for me.
I still have
some pills to sell at the bar!
Baby, it wasn't that bad.
- Wait. Hold on.
- What's that?
It's zero-one-three.
It's okay, it's fine.
I'll open it for you.
Baby, wait. I'll open it for you.
There you go.
Okay.
Thank you, sir.
You're going to take us home.
Hey Mbali!
Baby, it's Mbali.
- Hey.
- Hey It's you?
Well, we're still mad at you.
We are?
Yeah, look what she did to you.
I am not mad at her.
If I'm mad, then
you're mad. That's love, babe.
How can I thank you
for defending my honor?
You can start by giving us a free ride.
Okay,
- Baby, it's not
- Clearly, the debate went well.
For Caesar,
who knew I had to do more than just smile.
Well, it's a really good smile.
Thanks to his orthodontist.
Hey, baby.
Don't you want to take a nap?
- Let's take a nap.
- No.
We need to brainstorm better answers
for your next debate because
Well that was bad.
I'm gonna need
something bigger than answers.
You are bigger than answers.
Hey, no. No fucking.
It's, ST-Uber policy.
Oh, I love the hair.
You were serious
about this Natalie 2.0 thing.
Oh, for real. Look,
I made a list of everything
I want to do and gave it deadlines.
- Look.
- Oh Nat,
only you would turn
having fun into homework. Ah!
So listen,
I think we should dump
the bust on campus after dark.
That way not too many people will realize.
Ours is simple, my brother.
We fully support the removal
of the bust of Colonel Graham
as an act of political warfare
against this institution's
colonialist rule.
- Yes!
- I think it's too late.
Furthermore,
along with this revolutionary act,
we call for the
renaming of this institution
to Makhanda University,
Yes!
in honor of the people that
originally owned this land.
Yes!
- Power!
- To the people!
To be clear,
is it you who stole the statue?
That,
is not important, my brother.
What is important is that once
I'm elected as the SRC president,
- Caesar!
- I wish to instill
and inspire this kind of radical
understanding with my people.
- Power!
- To the people!
I can't believe
he's twisting this to an election.
- So, who stole the bust?
- Er
- Sivu Levin!
- Shut up! What the fuck are you doing?
Uh-uh!
Mm-mm.
No. Don't fool us.
Don't fool us!
We know,
that Mr. Rainbow Nation
doesn't have the balls
to carry out an act such as this one.
Furthermore, he's just a sellout,
like his hero, Nelson Mandela.
Not only does he have
bigger balls than you, Caesar,
Oh?
but he strongly believes
in the decolonization of this campus.
He knows that to obtain
true and real freedom,
these colonial symbols must be destroyed.
Tell Sivu Levin
to bring it here and prove it.
Yes, prove it!
We had a plan.
I couldn't just stand here and
let Caesar twist it to his own benefit.
- He's a liar.
- Yeah, now you're a liar.
- You're making Sivu a liar.
- Okay okay
we are all liars, so what do we do?
This is a good way
to eclipse Caesar in the election
and to get the student body on your side.
I mean, you're already
trending on The Spill.
Our plan is more nuanced
than just trending.
We need to work on your messaging,
Sivu, and lying isn't a part of it.
Politics is lying!
Is that you talking or your mother?
Uh, Pearl, just pull it back.
Why did you guys steal
the bust in the first place?
Now, that's a long a story.
I think it started when
my parents couldn't conceive
Natalie! Arrgh!
Look, you wanted something bigger.
This is it.
Mbali,
what do we do now?
This Sivu guy wants to buy our votes.
He thinks we're in a crèche.
There's your girl.
No, Sivu is fooling us.
Who does he think we are?
- Where is he and this bust?
- My goodness!
You obviously
have a death wish,
to come back to me 12 hours later.
Oh, so much drama!
And please don't spend it all on clothes.
Or maybe maybe you should.
Here is this fraud.
Here is this fraud. He can't row anymore.
Thank you to you.
So many of my peers.
talk about decolonizing education.
All talk.
I am a man of action.
A leader
that leads from the front.
And I have taken the first step.
You should never be a SRC President.
The first step that'll change the course
of this election.
The first step for the people.
Put it on, boys.
Yeah.
This is how
I take out the trash.
How, with your one arm?
That dramatic reveal
was all you, wasn't it?
- Oh, you know it.
- All our education matters.
So vote for me as your SRC president,
- Never.
- and together we can take
- out the trash.
- This guy is being ridiculous.
Take out the trash!
Take out the trash!
Take out the trash!
Take out the trash!
- Take out the trash!
- If this is a game you want to play,
then you better be careful.
Because I 've been
doing this far longer than you.
You're nearly 30.
Shouldn't you be
paying out your retirement annuity?
Carry on.
When I am your president,
all student lives will matter.
When I am your president
We will build
We will build
a safe space for all students
here at GU.
Because this GU
- belongs to all of us.
- Hey, Hey,
it's your girl, Rae.
Welcome to The Spill,
where we dive into the tea,
The whole tea and nothing but the tea.
Raenbows, in studio with me today,
we have Junior Gumede.
And he's got some tea of his own to spill.
Junior, take it away.
The rowing team of this university
led by Olympian, Sivu Levin,
is toxic.
The initiation practice is cruel
and disgusting.
I was victimized,
and Sivu just told me
to shut up and take it.
That's the kind of person that he is.
And he should never be the SRC president.
Sivu Levin should just be canceled.
It's about to go down.
Subtitle translation by: Regina Njoku