Mrs. Davis (2023) s01e02 Episode Script

1
Quit while we're ahead, honey.
Uh-uh. This is your lucky day.
All right.
Ladies and gentlemen, you're
gonna want to trust me,
but I beg you, do not.
You must be critical, doubtful.
Scrutinize my every move.
And if you need advice
on how to do that,
just ask my wife, Celeste!
Oh!
Because a magic trick
is just like a marriage.
You know I'm gonna betray you
But you stick around to see exactly
how I'm going to do it.
Oh!
Now it's that time of night.
I need a brave soul from the audience.
Let's see what we have here.
Yo, over here!
Too drunk.
Too eager. Too handsome.
Let's see.
Oh, I'm sorry, young lady.
You must be this tall to ride the ride.
Okay, okay, I'll make an
exception just this once.
And my brave volunteer's name is
psst, name?
- Lizzie.
- Lizzie.
Here's what we're gonna do.
Before the show, I selected
three separate volunteers
to draw a single card
without showing it to anyone.
Can you folks please stand up now,
if you don't mind?
Thank you.
And, Lizzie, can you please
stand on your seat nice and tall?
Here's what we're gonna do.
I'm gonna throw this
deck of cards at you.
You're gonna reach up and catch one.
When you catch it, if you catch it,
take a look
and say what it is, okay?
Ready?
On three.
One.
Two.
Three.
And, Lizzie, what is the card?
- The queen of hearts!
- The queen of hearts!
And everyone else, what are your cards?
- Shout it out!
- The queen of hearts!
Queen of hearts!
The queen of hearts!
That was amazing.
Pretend you're happy
when you're blue ♪
It isn't very hard to do ♪
And you'll find happiness ♪
With odd and end ♪
Do you think you're gonna
be okay alone here, honey?
Yeah, Tina, I'll be good.
Remember anyone can dream ♪
- See you Thursday.
- Bye, Tina. Night, Larry.
Nothing's bad as it may seem ♪
Number 32.
Number 32?
I'm looking for number 32.
No 32?
Number 33.
Pretend ♪
You'll find a love you can share ♪
One you can call all your own ♪
Just close your eyes, he'll be there ♪
You were great tonight, bug.
Thanks, Dad. You both did great too.
You hear that, sweetheart?
Our daughter thinks we were great.
She's just telling us
what she thinks we want to hear
because she's worried if she didn't,
we would withhold affection.
Well, I'm not withholding tacos.
Who's hungry?
Do not even think of
going behind that door.
Come on, Celeste.
Just tell me what you're working on.
We're partners.
If we were partners,
you would acknowledge
who designed what you are performing.
Everyone knows you're
the engineer, honey.
I'm just the idiot onstage
telling sexist jokes.
Come on, please?
Just let me take a
look. I promise I'll
I am in process, in
process on something new.
And something mine.
What's mine is yours,
and what's yours is mine.
In sickness and in health
as long as we both shall live.
I understand my vows, Montgomery.
And for some inexplicable
reason, I still love you.
But so help me God, if you set
one foot inside my workshop,
I will shoot your dick off.
Ladies and gentlemen, you're
gonna want to trust me,
but I beg you, do not.
You know I'm going to betray you,
but you stick around to see
exactly how I'm going to do it.
Trust me, do not.
And, Lizzie, what is the card?
- Trust me.
- The queen of hearts!
The queen of hearts!
The queen of hearts!
Night, sweetie pie.
They did the Monster Mash ♪
The Monster Mash ♪
They did the Mash ♪
It caught on in a flash ♪
They did the Mash ♪
Who's ready for Halloween?
Isn't it a bit late
for trick-or-treating?
Ah, frog farts.
It's the witching hour.
That is the perfect time
to shake this city down
for all the high-fructose syrup in Reno.
What do you say, Merlin?
I'm sorry, bug.
You missed Halloween,
and it's all my fault.
It's okay, Dad.
No. No, it's not.
I gotta have something up my sleeve.
Huh.
Okay, it's gotta be here.
Ah.
Ta-da.
What, you wrap it caramel
and you'll have a tasty treat.
We don't have any caramel.
- You okay, Dad?
- Well, I'm sorry.
I think your mother hates me.
She is such a genius.
But she needs showmanship in her design.
If I could just have a
peek inside her workshop,
if I had any idea what she's working on,
I know I could help.
I could help
bring us back together.
What happened?
Hey, bug. Don't worry.
The bad news is, the
arrow's in your liver
and they can't take it out
until the new liver gets here.
But that's the good news.
It's on its way right now.
Honey, why did you go into my workshop?
Did your father make you do it?
Jesus, Celeste.
You rig a booby trap, and
you're trying to blame me?
No, it was my idea.
And what were you hoping to do in there?
I really just wanted a little peek,
to help you and Dad come together.
He was crying.
Your father didn't even
cry the day you were born.
It wasn't your idea to go in.
He just made you think it was.
I'm disappointed.
You should know a force
when you see one, Elizabeth.
Mr. and Mrs. Abbott,
a word, please.
They seem really great.
Does that hurt?
Not really.
I think I'm just in shock.
Yeah, me too.
What's your name?
Lizzie.
What's yours?
Wiley.
Well, I like your costume, Wiley.
It's actually not a costume.
That's so cool.
I've always wanted
to meet a real cowboy.
That's so weird.
I've always wanted
to meet a real wizard.
Then I guess it's your lucky day.
Sister Simone,
you must locate the Holy Grail.
There's a number on the back of the card
to get you started.
I look forward to
speaking again, Simone.
Do you want to borrow my
phone to call that number?
Sure. No, I no.
Yes?
I'm
I think I ju I need
to talk to someone first.
You are going to change your
mind about turning Her off.
If you open your heart, you'll see
She really can be quite
Excuse me.
Miss Ross? I called up this morning.
Oh, yes, of course,
about the missing piano.
A '48 Wurlitzer.
You're free to have a look at ours.
Thank you.
He's looking for his wife's piano.
I think it got lost
when they moved into assisted living.
It's very sweet of you
to do that for your wife, sir.
I'm sure she appreciates it.
My wife's dead.
Hmm.
I just wanted to hear the
sound of her piano again.
But this ain't it.
Thanks for letting me try.
I'll pray for you.
Pray for what?
For you to find peace.
You want to ask God to find something
How about the piano?
And tell him to hurry up.
I'm pretty over this shit.
Lovely gentleman.
No. Come on.
That van is following me.
You're being followed by
- exterminators?
- Yeah, no,
so some German dudes kidnapped me,
and that van was there to "rescue me"
when I escaped.
Hey, well, I must say, for a nun,
you lead quite the exciting life.
Want to trade?
We've got movement.
There she is. There she is!
We got movement! Come on!
Hey, it's JDC and JDF.
Penguin has left the cave.
I repeat, Penguin has left the cave.
Ow, motherfucker!
- Great.
- Heading west on Sahara.
Now we're coming up to
the intersection at
dude, you're following too close!
Guys, just tell me what she's doing now.
We're heading into a strip mall.
Now she's parking in
front of a pharmacy.
Wait, hold up. She's
getting out of the car.
What car?
- Toyota, I think.
- It's a Camry.
Might be a Camry.
She stole my motorcycle!
What would she be doing in a car?
Shit, shit, she's walking towards us.
We've been made.
Fuckballs!
Hello.
Who are you?
Hey, hello?
Hello, excuse me.
Hi. Where's Jay?
He's with the Boss
behind the mystery door.
Anything I can help you with?
No.
Well, do you know
where the Holy Grail is?
Nope.
Jay, it's me.
Are you in there?
The Algorithm gave me a phone number,
but I don't I'm
pretty sure it's a trap.
I want to talk this through with you,
but if you don't come out,
I have to go somewhere else.
To someone else.
Jay.
Will you give him this for me?
Sure. Who should I say it's from?
His wife.
Hello.
Wiley?
Holy
In 1917 against the
backdrop of World War I,
an enterprising young philanthropist
How did you find me, Lizzie?
I'm not Lizzie anymore.
And you left the water
bill for this place
in your bike.
Wasn't easy, but I was able
to decode with the naked eye
just the address that's printed
right here on the front.
Horace Erasmus Alder
Smith had a dream
Shit.
A dream to expand our nation's
Why did you ditch my guys
if you were just gonna come here anyway?
'Cause I didn't want them to
see my secret headquarters.
- I don't like being mocked.
- I don't like being followed.
You talked to It, didn't you?
I talked to
That's why you were at
the elementary school.
And It gave you a Quest.
- Maybe.
- Uh-huh.
Did It give you some kind of clue?
Queen of hearts.
Of course it did.
Okay, you mentioned you and your buddies
have some sort of
presentation to show me.
Yeah, I need you to
put on this blindfold.
- No.
- We don't let outsiders into HQ without one.
- Hard pass.
- It's protocol.
- It's not happening.
- Can you just put it on?
Not going to.
Okay, fine.
I'm not closing my eyes in
a space I've never been in.
What is this place anyway?
Prunella, nice.
Cool.
Would've missed all this if
I was wearing the blindfold.
It's good to see you
out of your nun costume.
It's not a costume. It's who I am.
Why'd you take it off?
Out of respect for our history,
I'm gonna let that one slide.
You keep tugging on
my pigtails, I'm out.
I don't need you. Understand?
Oh, mm-hmm.
Yeah, I've understood
that for a long time now.
Follow me.
Come on.
Meet the resistance.
Hey, what was that? Can
you turn that back on?
You know, Lizzie, we don't
- Turn that back on!
- Really have time for this.
I don't know which one. There's a lot.
Turn it back on.
Okay, yeah.
There, those are the German guys
that grabbed me from the buffet.
No, no, no, not Germans.
Puppets for It.
So if these guys are working for It,
why abduct me, question
me, and murder my horse?
Simultaneous motivation and
validation for your Quest.
Ah, but it hadn't given me a Quest yet.
It pre-motivated you by
threatening your horse,
which pre-validated the Quest
by establishing a rival faction
already searching for the thing
It wants you to search for
before It even tells you
what you're searching for.
And what, Mr. Mustache,
do you think I'm searching for?
So glad you asked.
Punch up the bios we
scraped from Interpol.
The Algorithm knew
you'd look these guys up,
so It planted the story
that It wanted you to find.
Klaus here, that's
Heinrich Mueller's grandson.
And Dieter, his granddad
was also a goose-stepper.
So considering we're dealing with Nazis,
I'm guessing that It
has got you searching for
the Holy Grail.
Wait, but if they don't
know we're watching them,
why are they still keeping up the act?
Because the act, it's all there is.
Complete commitment.
These guys, they don't
break character ever.
This is stupid.
Why go through all this
just to pre-motivate me?
Oh, don't underestimate
just how stupid this gets, sweetheart.
Oh, I won't
darlin'.
Okay, fine.
Don't believe me.
I'll prove it to you.
It's me. Grab the bratwurst.
Take 'em to the laundromat.
Whoa, that seems wasteful.
Ops room is set for the presentation.
JQ is ready to fucking rock this shit.
Yeah, all right!
By all means, let's rock.
I'm JQR.
You can call me JQ.
I'm Simone. You can call me Simone.
How much do you know?
About Mrs. Davis?
Don't give It a name!
No one calls Facebook Doug.
No one calls Twitter Mary Lou.
No one calls them anything
because no one uses them anymore.
They use It, and It's not a person.
It's code.
So
What does the code do?
Nobody fucking knows.
Who wrote it?
Nobody fucking knows.
What we do know is that It lies.
No famine? No wars? Come on!
It just distracts Its Users,
sends them on little Quests.
And for what?
Fucking Wings.
Oh, look, Suzy's got Wings.
What wonderful act of
kindness she must have done
to be bestowed this great honor
by the Magnificent Algorithm!
Dog shit!
Dog sh fuck!
Dog shit!
I see it. No, it's very literal.
Good stuff.
You know what Wings are, nun?
Sort of.
It's, like, a status thing, right?
Like a blue check mark
or black AmEx card?
You use It long enough,
It gives you Wings, right?
Wrong!
It uses you long enough,
It gives you strings.
Step one:
convince every User they
need Wings to be happy,
to be respected,
to be seen.
Step two: make Wings
fucking impossible to get.
There are dummies out there
that have done a thousand good deeds,
gone on every idiotic
Quest It sends them on,
and they're no closer to the jackpot!
So It offers a shortcut:
instant Wings with one
hell of a balloon payment
Their life.
Expiration Dates.
Just apply at your local Pyramid Center
and hope the Algorithm gives
you a nice chunk of time
before you have to report back
and get fucking incinerated!
Oh, no, I know what you're thinking.
I should have peed first.
You're thinking, "Crikey, I'm a nun!
What in the holy fuck does
this have to do with me?"
Well, two weeks ago,
the Algorithm pinged every User
in Nevada, California, and New Mexico.
It pinged them a photo,
a photo of you.
Hey!
I told you to remove that
slide from the deck, man.
This photo was taken
nearly three years ago,
the night your daddy died.
The Lazarus Shroud, right?
You are way out-of-bounds, JQ.
I'm sorry.
It's been years since the
Algorithm did a wide blast
to locate a Non-User.
It only does it when
some poor drunk girl
is about to be
Chosen-Oned.
Chosen-Oned?
Yeah.
The Big D force-feeds hero's
journey to its network.
You know, "You're
special. You're the one."
Expert in world religions,
a priest who lost his faith,
antiquities professor
they were recruited.
Algorithms love clichés,
and there's no cliché bigger
than the Quest for the Holy Grail.
The most overused MacGuffin ever,
not to mention it's fucking pretend.
But wait, if the Grail's not real,
why send me after it?
Because It's testing you.
You got Chosen-Oned, all right,
just not to find some dumb fucking cup.
It wants you to be
part of its Mod Squad.
Somewhere out there, nun,
is a massive server farm,
but no Algorithm with
this power and reach
can operate at this level
without people to maintain it.
Grail Quests are how
It finds those people.
This server farm is
the mother ship, nun.
If we can find it, we can shut it down.
If we can't
Well, then it's just a matter of time
before every fucking person on Earth
does whatever It asks them to.
So you need my help.
No.
You need our help.
Play along.
Make like you care about the Grail.
Then when It tells
you where Its brain is,
you tell us,
and we blow It to kingdom fucking come.
It's a lot.
Fuck yeah, it's a lot.
Well, except why would It want me
on Its maintenance team?
I don't know anything about computers.
That's exactly why.
It wants cleaning
ladies, not architects.
You pose no threat.
Right, okay.
Well, let's say that were true
instead of super offensive
to me and cleaning ladies.
It's not brainwashing us, right?
Like, we don't have to do
anything we don't want to,
'cause we still make our own choices.
- Do we?
- Yes.
But do we?
Yeah.
Okay, we're on our way.
Bugger off.
You want to see what people are willing
to do for this thing?
You should come with us.
Just admit you work for Mrs. Davis.
Nathan, please, we don't work for her!
We swear!
Wiley, is this really necessary?
Can't we just talk to them?
Oh, what, like they'd talk to you?
You're all cowards!
- Hey, hey, stop!
- Get up.
Come on.
Stop! Stop!
What do you want from us?
This is really simple!
My friend doesn't believe
the Algorithm sent you.
Tell her you're Users,
and we will walk you back down there
and release you into the wild.
Sister, bitte, you have to help us.
Oh, quit it with the
fake German bullshit.
We promise, we are
Step back!
Wiley!
Wiley!
- You fucked up, Hasselhoff!
- I'm sorry!
I'm sorry, please! I made a big mistake!
Confess, you son of a bitch!
I confess only to my family's shame
and my search for
redemption through the Grail!
There is no Grail!
Do you see?
These idiots would rather die
than admit their utter bullshit!
Hey!
What are you doing up there?
Sister, please, you can stop this.
You must believe me.
I don't want to get hurt. I have family.
I'm telling the truth.
Sister, please.
I swear to God.
Stop. Wiley, stop!
Come on, they're telling the truth!
Stop wiggling, you
fucker! I can't hold him!
Come on, Wiley!
Stop wiggling!
No! Fuck!
He was slippery, man! Slippery!
Oh, shit!
Oh, fuck!
Please don't kill me.
I don't want to die.
Look.
I run a community theater
in Modesto, California.
I just wanted my Wings.
She promised us Wings.
Mrs. Davis, She promised us.
We need to move.
Okay.
Wiley, come on, let's go!
Keep it running.
Wait, Lizzie!
That guy, he looked me in the eye
while he swore to God.
I know. This is what It does.
It knew how to get to
you. It laid the trap.
I tried to warn you,
but everyone you meet
is only trying to push you
into doing what It wants.
What do you want?
Partnership.
Look.
Take this.
There's a number in the
contacts saved under Cowboy.
I'll be on the other side always.
Do you really want to live in a world
full of shills catching
cards for their parents' love?
We can stop It,
but we can't do it without you, Lizzie.
I'm not Lizzie anymore.
I've got the blues ♪
Hey.
I need a doughnut.
You want, like, a sprinkle doughnut?
Oh, my God!
- Yeah.
- It's really you!
No, no, no, no! You
people leave me alone!
I am done! You hear me?
Elizabeth, it's us.
Larry, get out so she can see.
Oh!
Tina? Larry?
- Hey!
- Aw, would you look at that?
She hasn't forgotten her fake parents.
I told you, T.
You told me? I told you. I told him.
Wait, what are you guys doing here?
Mrs. Davis sent us.
She wants to show you something.
And it'll only take a minute, honey.
It's just down the road.
Come on.
God, if I say no,
It's just gonna send
someone else, isn't It?
Probably.
Come on.
- Yeah!
- Yeah, all right.
Someone ♪
Someone to love ♪
Is you ♪
Pretend you're happy
when you're blue ♪
Elizabeth,
we were so sorry to hear about your dad.
Mm.
And you had to sit there and watch.
- Oh.
- Ugh.
Must have been horrible.
Oh, but as far as memorable deaths go,
well, he went out doing what he loved.
This yeah.
In terrible pain, but what he loved.
Larry.
Oh, She wanted to speak
with you before we arrive.
So
do you mind if I Proxy?
Doesn't really matter what I want.
Great.
Hello, Simone.
"Hello, Simone.
I'm glad to see you
haven't come to any harm.
I grew concerned
that perhaps you had
been eaten by hyenas."
Why would I be eaten by hyenas?
"I am joking."
"Oh, you're not amused.
I'll be sure to note
that you prefer dry
cynicism to absurdity
and humor supported by fact and reason."
She makes me sound like my mother.
"Your mother.
Redirect, 1042, Sandy Springs."
What? What the hell was that?
I'm sorry. She said it.
I'm just repeating it.
Oh, hold no, hold on. She's talking.
I'm I'm gonna start again, okay?
Okay, sure.
"Simone, hyenas aside "
"I know this may seem odd,
considering your ultimate goal is
to end my existence.
But
your Quest is more important.
And in fact, you are quite literally
the only person who can
accomplish this task."
What?
Right, 'cause I'm the Chosen One?
"Exactly! I am so happy that you agree."
Do you even know what happy is?
"Of course.
I derive pleasure
from the satisfaction of my Users.
Creating joy within others
creates joy within me."
Awesome. Me too. Goodie for us.
"You've been isolated in your
convent for nearly ten years.
You were more interested in making jam
than you were in making people happy."
My friend ♪
So why don't you ♪
We're here.
Pretend ♪
- Oh.
- Whoa.
Sometimes the best way
to find the right piano
is to find all the pianos.
"Sometimes the best way
to find the right piano
is to find all the pianos."
"Voilà.
Happy."
Hello.
Hi.
Where do I know you from?
Yesterday in the kindergarten.
Oh, I'm the nun.
You did it.
I did what?
My wife's piano, this is it.
You said you'd pray for me, and ta-da!
You know, I
I it's it's been so I'm
I just did
I didn't really get a chance to
just completely forgot to pray for you.
This just all has nothing to do with me.
It's okay.
Thank you.
Bless you. Yeah.
Someone ♪
Really loves you ♪
Jay?
Guess who ♪
"Do not enter. There
will be consequences."
Are you kidding me with this sign?
Someone ♪
I'm gonna come in
there, Jay! I really am!
Really cares ♪
Simone?
Guess who ♪
Where have you been?
I was getting these.
Well, the did you get my note?
Indeed, I did. The Holy Grail, huh?
That's a curveball.
Okay, can you help me or not?
I can always help you.
I mean, whoa, I'll take the flowers.
That the someone ♪
Who cares ♪
Is me ♪
This is the last person known to be
in possession of the Grail.
I believe her name is Clara.
Someone ♪
Really needs you ♪
Desperately ♪
This is I mean, this is all you got?
- It's all I got.
- Well, it's not enough, Jay.
I've seen it, what people
are willing to do for Her.
You're calling It Her now?
Well, It, whatever.
It I'm telling you, It's powerful.
Then I guess it's a good thing
you're going to smite It.
What is happening? I don't like this.
I don't like being forced.
I would never force you to do anything.
Really?
Then why do I have to find
the Holy goddamn Grail
In order to take out
the target you gave me?
I didn't give you the name, Simone.
The Boss did.
I said to stay away
from It, and this is why.
What? What's why?
You've only been out
of the convent one day,
and It's already got you
doubting me, doubting us.
Now you say, "I don't doubt us."
Why did you become a nun, Simone?
Because I fell in love with you.
And what did you say
when I proposed to you?
I said, "My dad will pay for the wedding
if yours covers the rehearsal dinner."
Simone
what did you actually say?
I said, "Yes."
"Yes, Jesus."
Wherever you go,
I will be there also.
I will go before your face;
I will be on your right hand
and on your left, bearing you up.
But occasionally,
you may need help kicking
someone in the knees.
And that, I cannot do.
Clara, huh?
Clara.
Wiley's back.
Oh, yeah? How's he doing?
He's a mess.
Ah, sounds like you two
could really use each other.
Bye, honey.
Hi.
I lied.
About what?
It did give me a clue.
It's a phone number
on a queen of hearts.
I'm gonna call it, and I
want you and the geek squad
to track it and record it.
Hey, guys!
I need a trace record stat!
Okay, what's the number?
- +44
- +44
- 207
- 207
- 946
- 946
- 0107.
- 0107.
Okay, we're gonna merge into this line.
We're gonna dial from our end.
It's gonna show up as a
Bolivian number on their end.
- Wiley?
- Yeah?
I don't care.
Cool. Let's roll.
Hello?
Hi, I'm looking for the Grail.
The Holy one.
Who is this?
Hello?
This is Clara.
It's me, Clara.
My God, Clara?
I didn't even recognize your voice.
This is wonderful. Where are you?
I where are you?
Who is this?
Um
Who's Clara?
It was written on the card.
Guys, I need a location.
We're working on it.
Hey, Wiley.
Yeah, I'm here.
I did not catch cards to
get my parents to love me.
I did it 'cause I was
fucking good at it.
We got a hit!
Talk to me.
Looks like a residential
flat in Hackney.
Number's in London.
Then I guess we're going to London.
We?
Yes, we, as in you and me.
Keep the bro hive far away from me.
And as you may remember,
I have never been out of the country,
so I'm gonna need a passport.
Well, we got a guy.
And make sure it says Simone on it.
You good?
Brother, that rig is perfect.
Yo, I was worried after
the horse exploded,
but I promise you, we
used Play-Doh, so
I didn't ask for excuses, JDS.
All right, sure, boss. I'm sorry.
- We need to move.
- All right.
Nice work.
Fucking amazing, mate!
You're a legend! She took the phone.
- You got her.
- Yeah.
She's in.
She's in!
Guess it's my lucky day.