Muppets Now (2020) s01e02 Episode Script
Fever Pitch
KERMIT: You're watching Muppets Now
streaming from--
(RINGING)
Scooter! Got a second?
Uh, no, not really, Fozzie.
I'm about to upload Muppets Now, now.
Glad I caught you. I got some
great show ideas to pitch to you.
Uh, I'm about to upload
to the streaming service.
-(ALERT RINGS)
-It's late in the game, Fozzie.
Huh, that's what Kermit said
when he sent me your way.
(NOTIFICATION POPS)
Uh, sorry, right now,
I am literally dragging and dropping.
No, wait! Listen to this.
How about a game show
where people try to guess who a--
Yeah, sorry, Fozzie.
We have a game show and I need--
-Hold on, I've got more!
-I'm sure you do, Fozzie.
And now it's time for
(SCOOTER SPEAKING)
I'm your announcer, Scooter.
And now, here he is,
your host from just off the coast,
Pepe the King Prawn!
(PEPE LAUGHING)
-Gracias! Gracias, everyone. Huh?
-SCOOTER: Mmm-hmm.
(CANNED APPLAUSE)
Scooper, where's the audience?
Uh, it's the audio guy in the booth.
-If we need applause
-(APPLAUSE)
-or laughter
-(CANNED LAUGHTER)
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
Or maybe some boos? Let's hear the boos.
-(CANNED BOOING)
-(PEPE CHUCKLES)
Give me scared.
-(SCREAMING)
-(CHUCKLES)
Airplane flight 135 takeoff!
-RECORDED VOICE: Flight clear for takeoff.
-There it goes!
I love this, okay.
Let's meet our contestants.
Hola! What is your name?
-I'm Brie.
-PEPE: Ooh!
-Like the lovely cheese.
-Mmm-hmm.
-Where are you from, Brie?
-Dallas, Texas.
-And why?
-I was born there.
-Ah, and what is your name, sir?
-Artoun.
-Cartoons? Do you love cartoons?
-I love cartoons.
-Did you invent the cartoons?
-No.
No. Why are you buttoned up to the top?
Will you be putting a tie on today?
Uh, no. Just looks nice.
-It's a style?
-Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
-Let's play, shall we?
-SCOOTER: Yes.
-Scooper, how do we do this?
-It's straightforward.
Uh, in round one,
you'll be quizzed in a variety of topics.
Science, arts, humanities, history,
and for each correct answer,
you'll receive one advantage point.
Aye, aye, aye.
SCOOTER: And now for round two,
there'll be a buzzer beater bonus!
Okay, stop it!
-It's too confusing, okay?
-(STAMMERING)
-We'll do something else.
-This was network approved.
(PEPE SPEAKING)
Yes, a staring contest.
Who wants to do a staring contest?
(PEPE LAUGHING)
Okay. Here we go.
Now, you two turn and look at each other,
and the first one to laugh will lose.
Sorry, this is not on the schedule.
I need a referee.
Do we have a referee?
-I didn't arrange a referee.
-(SQUAWKS)
Oh. Oh, there he is. Okay. Terrific.
When did you set this up?
Okay, folks, here we go.
I'm gonna count you in.
-Three, two, one. Stare!
-(SQUAWKING RHYTHMICALLY)
PEPE: That's it. Don't blink.
Staring a little closer now.
Get a little closer.
Don't be afraid of each other.
Cartoons, he looks
like he's holding strong,
but he looks like he's eating a candy.
-Get little closer. That's it, that's it.
-(REFEREE SQUAWKS)
Oh, someone's gonna break!
Look at Brie!
Her mouth is starting to smile.
I can feel it.
No, no, no. Now it's Cartoons.
Cartoons is looking puffy.
He's looking a little swollen.
Looks like they could both break.
Who's gonna go first?
-Cartoon broke!
-(REFEREE SQUAWKS)
Okay. Okay, and Brie is the winner
on this one, okay?
-(ALL LAUGHING)
-Terrific. Well done.
-Okay, Brie, you get 17 points.
-Yay!
And, Cartoon, you get, uh,
I don't know, 32 points, okay.
You can't just award random points, Pepe.
-Why not?
-That's not how I've organized the game.
It doesn't matter. This is my show.
This is my show.
-(CANNED APPLAUSE)
-(LAUGHING)
Who wants points? Raise your hand.
-Okay. You get 500 points, Cartoon.
-(SQUAWKS)
And, Brie, you get 1,700 points, okay?
-This is not how the game goes.
-PEPE: It's trivia time.
SCOOTER: Oh. Oh, okay, good.
We're back on format. Yes.
Today's category is musical theater.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Let's do, uh
-(SIGHS)
-Let's do something physicals.
But we've already licensed the show tunes.
But since today is laundry day,
I had someone round up
all the Muppets' socks.
It happens to be Beauregard.
Come on in, Bo.
-SCOOTER: When did you arrange this?
-Some of them were being worn.
-Uh-huh.
-But I think I got all the feet out.
PEPE: Oh, good. Terrific. Okay.
What are you doing?
I'm finished.
-Well, get out!
-Oh!
-Where?
-Okay, peoples. Here we go.
Now, whoever throws more socks
into the hamper wins the points.
Bring out the hamper!
Uh, she's not a hamper. Her name is Carol.
Yeah, yeah. Carol the Hamper.
Let's put time on the clock.
-How much time?
-Who cares?
In three, two, one. Throw socks!
-That's very good. Cartoons got a few.
-(CAROL GRUNTING)
PEPE: Oh, look at Brie, she's going fast.
Faster than you, Cartoons.
Now Cartoons is throwing a lot more.
Brie is trying to catch up.
Okay, what? That's a slipper.
You lose points.
We're running out of time. Here we go.
Five, four, three, two, one. Socks down!
(PEPE CHUCKLES)
Scooper, tally up the points.
Uh, how do you want me to do this?
Well, hairstyle, teeth color,
I don't care.
-SCOOTER: Just trying to--
-Let's determine our winner.
-I'm still doing the math.
-Do it on your own time.
We're doing a game show now.
(CAROL BURPING LOUDLY)
Aye, aye, aye.
Okay, please take the lunch breath
off the stage. Gracias.
-SCOOTER: Thank you, Carol.
-Thank you, Carol the Hamper.
I'm very sorry, Carol.
Okay. Are you ready
for the Final Question?
-Yes.
-Yes.
-Are you ready?
-BOTH: Yes.
-Sure you're ready?
-BOTH: Yes.
-Sure that you're really ready?
-BOTH: Yes!
Okay. Here comes the question.
-Who should win?
-Me!
Oh, Cartoon. Cartoon wins!
-Cartoon wins! He answered correctly!
-(BRIE GROANS)
-(ARTOUN LAUGHING)
-I'm sorry, Brie. The answer was, "Me,"
and the fastest person to say, "Me,"
is the winner, okay?
I'm gonna offer up a blanket apology
for getting you involved in this.
Okay. Please head over
to the losers table please.
-Uh, where is the losers table?
-Uh, with you, of course.
Okay, Cartoon, did you ever dream
that when you were watching cartoons
and you change your name
that you would be the winner?
No. No.
Join me. We're going to the
Bonus round
The bonus round
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Okay, now, this is the Bonus Round.
This is where you play with
a secret partner, for a secret prize.
-And can you guess who today's partner is?
-Robert Downey Jr.
Oh, that would have been nice.
But, no! It's Gonzo!
Hey! Congratulations!
Your name is really Cartoon?
-No. It's, uh, Artoun.
-Oh!
Okay, come on. Let's play.
All right. Listen, I want you
to meet my chickens, Camilla
-(CLUCKS)
-and this is Miss Stephens
-(CLUCKS)
-and this is Priscilla. Okay?
-(CLUCKS)
-Before we get to your challenge,
we have prepared a lovely musical number
for your enjoyment.
-(GASPS)
-Take it away, ladies!
-(CHICKENS CLUCKING)
-PEPE: Oh, this is gonna be great.
Okay, go.
-(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
-(ALL CLUCKING ALONG)
Oh, and now for the Bonus Challenge.
Which of these chickens is Camilla?
-(CLOCK TICKING)
-(GASPS)
Take your time. Don't rush it, okay?
-Don't rush.
-Remember the choreography.
-Uh, this one.
-You are correct!
-PEPE: What?
-(ANGRY CLUCKING)
Oh, no, no, no, sorry, sorry, sorry.
-This one!
-(ANGRY CLUCKING)
-Wait, wait.
-What's going on?
-Oh, it was her all along!
-What's going
Oh, geez. It's gonna be
an awkward car ride home. (GROANS)
Aye, aye, aye.
Okay, well, I'm sorry, Cartoons,
you didn't win the secret prize.
(CANNED GROANING)
But then, since it's a secret,
you don't know what you're missing.
Yeah. And we don't either.
You were making this whole thing up.
Yeah, well, that's true.
-So, I guess it's the end.
-(MUSIC PLAYING)
-What do you mean?
-It's the end. Good night!
-Just like that, it ends?
-It's over.
-SCOOTER: It can't end like that.
-Why?
Let's do something like freeze
(TYPING)
Ugh.
I can't unsee that. I can't unsee that!
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Welcome to the
Okey Dokey Kookin challenge!
I am your host, Beverly Plume.
And today, two masters of mealtime do
combat in the kitchen for your appetite.
The first competitor
is our very own Swedish Chef!
Versus action icon, actor,
entrepreneur, restaurateur,
and owner of the best mustache
in the business, Danny Trejo.
Oh, isn't he magnificent? Hello!
-(GASPS)
-Eh? Uh-oh.
Oh, now. Now, now.
-(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
-No! No, no, no!
-(BEVERLY YELPING)
-(DANNY GROWLING)
Gentlemen, this is not
a mustache competition!
Now, today our experts will create
a dish that has made Tuesdays famous.
A simple yet versatile meal
we call the "taco."
Today we will be preparing the Mole Taco.
Traditional Latin meal,
very, very delicious.
-Probably better than anything in Sweden.
-BEVERLY: Ooh!
(EXCLAIMS ANGRILY)
(BEVERLY YELPING)
Boys! Boys! Boys! Boys!
Now, let's stick to your sides! Please!
-(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
-(BEVERLY EXCLAIMING)
(GOBBLES)
-And let us begin.
-(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
So, why did you choose this recipe?
Everybody loves chicken mole.
Ooh! So excited! I can't wait to start.
DANNY: First, the delicious chicken broth.
Hmm, oh, all right.
DANNY: Second, mole.
This has a secret sauce.
BEVERLY: Ooh! What's inside?
If I told you, I would have to, uh
Hmm?
Marry you, sweep you away,
and make sure you could never talk.
(GIGGLING) Ooh!
(SWEDISH CHEF HUMMING)
Oh! Introducing a little heat, are we?
Hmm. It's spicy!
Oh! How spicy are they?
Oh, very spicy.
Well, then,
I recommend you wear some gloves
while you're handling those very spicy
What?
(LAUGHING)
For the spicy, wear the gloves?
-Wear the gloves for the spicy? (LAUGHS)
-BEVERLY: Well
(SCOFFS)
All righty, then. (CLEARS THROAT)
DANNY: We're gonna incorporate chicken.
BEVERLY: Mmm.
DANNY: Some sugar.
Peanut butter.
-Yoo-hoo.
-Eh?
Pepper gloven.
Spicy pepper gloven.
(SWEDISH CHEF SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
(BLOWING)
-Well, I salute your culinary fortitude!
-(LAUGHING)
-Oh, spicy. It's so spicy.
-Oh.
(CLEARS THROAT) How worried are you about
competing against the Swedish Chef?
(LAUGHING)
-Meatballs, schmeatballs. Come on!
-(BEVERLY GIGGLES)
(SWEDISH CHEF GROANING)
BEVERLY: Do you have a personal connection
to this recipe?
DANNY: Well, my mother actually made it,
and, you know, we loved it.
This was a Sunday evening meal, really.
One of the key is a little bit of salt.
(VOCALIZES)
-Whoo! That was very good.
-(DANNY CHUCKLES)
(CONTINUES GROANING)
Now I think it's time for me
to start warming my tortillas.
(SWEDISH CHEF GROANING)
Spicy.
Oh.
(YELPING)
We warned him, didn't we?
Yeah. (CHUCKLES) I heard you.
DANNY: I think we're ready.
BEVERLY: Ready to plate?
-I'm gonna put a taco together.
-Ooh!
There are so many ways a chef can use mole
to express their unique culinary
point of view.
And here is one now.
-Here the mole.
-Oh, my!
-Hi.
-Here's a tortilla.
-With the mole.
-This is cozy.
(GIGGLES) That tickles.
DANNY: Next, cheese.
(SWEDISH CHEF SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
(DANNY SPEAKING)
(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
DANNY: Avocado.
Make sure to make me a taco.
(SWEDISH CHEF SPEAKS GIBBERISH
AND LAUGHS)
BEVERLY: Oh, it's like art!
-(SWEDISH CHEF SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
-What's that? Oh!
DANNY: Now this does not take a lot.
The spicy.
Hmm?
All right, Danny. Tell us about your dish.
DANNY: Here we have
our lusciously beautiful taco.
-(GIGGLES) Lovely!
-May I?
Yes, yes. Absolutely.
-Mmm.
-Mmm! (GIGGLES)
Delicious.
And, Chef, what do you have to present?
MOLE: Cilantro?
I don't really like cilan
(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
I thought there was
method to this madness,
but it appears to be just madness.
Well, I believe Mr. Trejo
has you on presentation
and likely taste as well.
-No, no, no, no, no!
-No, no, no, no, no?
-Mmm. (SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
-Oh. Oh!
-Uh-oh.
-(SWEDISH CHEF GROANS)
-Moo-moo!
-Moo what?
-Moo-moo!
-Moo-moo?
-(SHOUTING) Moo-moo!
-Milk! He needs milk!
It's too hot. He needs milk.
(SWEDISH CHEF GROANING)
Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
BEVERLY: There you have it.
As you plan your next Taco Tuesday,
or Taco Any Day
-DANNY: You okay?
-which one would you like to make?
Thank you for joining us, Mr. Trejo.
-Thank you!
-BEVERLY: A pleasure.
See you next time. Adiós!
MOLE: (MUFFLED) Adiós!
Yes, thank you.
(NOTIFICATION POPS)
AUTOMATED VOICE:
You have one new voice message.
FOZZIE: Hiya, Scooter. Know you're busy,
but you'll love this one.
(SCOOTER SIGHS)
It's a show
where all I do is measure things.
-(GROANS)
-It's called Bear-o-metric. Huh?
-Yeah.
-AUTOMATED VOICE: Okay.
You're done. I'm hanging up.
Thank you!
FOZZIE: Wow! Tough room.
KERMIT: Before Muppet Labs,
it's time for "do-not-try-this-at-home"
from our lawyer, Joe.
Deposition of party of the first part,
habeas corpus, yeah.
Not a lot of stage presence,
but good at legal disclaimers.
Hmm, I rest my case.
Hmm, good grief.
-(LAUGHING)
-Huh?
(GROANS)
(SCREAMING)
Welcome to Muppet Labs Field Test.
I am Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
and this is my assistant.
(BEAKER MEEPING)
Oh, sorry, Beaker, I didn't mean you.
I mean my smart assistant Beak-R.
BEAK-R: Meep. It is a pleasure to be here.
-(MEEPING)
-(LAUGHS)
What incredible diction.
Now, Beak-R,
what's on the calendar for today?
BEAK-R: You have one scheduled event
on your calendar for today.
-Light things on fire.
-Oh, goodie!
The nature of heat was discovered through
Sir Benjamin Thompson's
close work with cannons,
setting a new trajectory
for thermodynamics.
Ta-da!
But let's stop learning,
and let's start burning.
Prepare the infern-o-matic.
BEAK-R: Meep, I am unable to do that.
I don't have hands.
Beaker 1.0, would you do the honors?
BEAK-R: Agreed.
Beaker 1.0 is expendable
in case of an accident.
You heard it, Beaky.
(BEAKER SIGHS)
(IMITATING BEAK-R MOCKINGLY)
Tut-tut-tut-tut-tut. No sassing.
Now, what do we burn?
Hmm.
-Oh, a scented candle!
-Mmm-hmm.
BEAK-R: Beaker 1.0 has accidentally
stumbled onto something
scientifically important.
-Oh, Beaky. Isn't she wonderful?
-(MEEPING)
BEAK-R: Relax, and I'll tell you.
A candle is important
because it both melts and burns.
(SCREAMS)
Melting is simply
an object changing forms.
But if an object burns,
it's undergoing a chemical change
involving oxygen: incineration.
Another marvelous explanation.
And a perfect introduction to my favorite
game, "Will It Melt or Will It Burn?"
-(GAS HISSING)
-BOTH: Whoo!
(DR. BUNSEN SPEAKING)
(BEAK-R SPEAKING)
-Oh, dear.
-Mmm-hmm.
(DR. BUNSEN SPEAKING)
BEAK-R: Meep, burn.
-DR. BUNSEN: A clock.
-(BEAKER MEEPING)
(BEAK-R SPEAKING)
-(BOTH GASP)
-(BEAK-R SPEAKING)
DR. BUNSEN: I have marshmallow roast.
(BEAKER MEEPING)
(BEAK-R SPEAKING)
Would you like to learn more about fire?
Oh, yes, yes, I would.
BEAK-R: A fire needs
three things to ignite:
heat, oxygen, and fuel.
Heat comes from the infern-o-matic,
oxygen comes from the air around us,
and fuel from objects we procure.
That can mean only one thing.
Meep, we need more things to burn.
Yes. Yes. More things to burn.
BEAK-R: Wooden spoons
are not made for high heat.
BEAKER: Oh.
Isn't this wonderful?
BEAK-R: The Swedish Chef
will not miss those.
-DR. BUNSEN: How do you like your eggs?
-(BEAKER GRUNTS)
BEAK-R: Beaker 1.0 is over easy.
I prefer incinerated.
Ah! Ooh, I love a duet.
BEAKER: Ooh!
BEAK-R: This beat is lit.
Oh, dear.
That's a lot of heat.
Beak-R, would you please
supervise Beaker 1.0
in the cleanup process?
BEAK-R: Yes, sir. Beaker 1.0, get to work.
(IMITATING BEAK-R ANGRILY)
I understand.
You don't have the burning desire
to be the ultimate assistant.
(BEAKER GASPS)
(BEAKER HUMMING)
BEAK-R: What are you doing, Beaker 1.0?
(BEAKER MEEPING IN SING-SONG)
Beaker 1.0, what are you doing?
I am on fire.
Meep, this is not the end, Beaker 1.0.
Meep, you will never defeat me
(DISTORTED) I live in the cloud.
-BEAKER: Mmm-hmm.
-Uh Um
Where's Beak-R?
(MEEPING)
SCOOTER: Hmm.
You gotta be kidding me.
Nope. Mmm-mmm.
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
-(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
-Hey, guys. In this episode of Lifestyle,
we'll work out the secrets
to health and fitness.
(PANTING)
As soon as I catch my breath.
That draws even more attention to it.
I want that "le" to be sparkly
like the rest of the title.
-"Sparkly." Got it.
-Yeah.
Staying fit,
how do you do it today,
without personal trainers, dietitians,
chefs, coaches, masseuses
You have all of those.
None of them are here.
Who is gonna talk? You?
(MISS PIGGY SPEAKING)
Like this exercise ball
I replaced my chair whoa, whoa, whoa!
(MISS PIGGY SPEAKING)
And water doesn't have to be boring.
Add something special
to make you feel special.
-Oh, Deadly, could I have a little lemon?
-Of course.
-And some cucumber?
-Yes.
A little ginger.
And some fresh berries would be nice.
A sprig of mint?
And let's get some cinnamon in there.
Just put it over there,
I'm not that thirsty.
(UNCLE DEADLY GROWLING)
Get a fitness buddy
to share your fitness journey, and
What are you doing here?
Can I be your fitness buddy?
Do you have an exercise ball?
-I do not, but maybe I could use yours.
-What? No!
-Let me just--
-Don't sit on me!
(BALL POPS AND HISSES)
(MISS PIGGY GROANING)
I think I broke your ball.
Get off of me! I can't breathe!
Get off, get off!
Hot yoga with Taye Diggs.
Now our room has been warmed
to over 38 degrees centigrade.
Are you kidding? I'm burning up in here.
Because it's 100 degrees Fahrenheit.
Indeed, Taye Diggs.
A deep sweat is good for stress relief,
and tension release.
Uh, no.
Sweat happens to other people.
I actually enjoy a deep sweat.
Oh (GIGGLES) Do you, now?
Trust me, you'll feel like a new woman
after hot yoga.
You're all the heat I need, Taye.
(GIGGLING)
And now, we pose.
-Mountain pose.
-(MISS PIGGY GRUNTS)
-UNCLE DEADLY: Warrior pose.
-(MISS PIGGY GRUNTING)
-UNCLE DEADLY: Half Moon.
-(GRUNTING CONTINUES)
-UNCLE DEADLY: Standing Bow-Pulling pose.
-(GRUNTING SHAKILY)
-(SCREAMS)
-(THUD)
That's an excellent Corpse pose, Piggy.
Piggy.
Piggy?
-Is she gonna be okay?
-Eh.
We have to discuss fitness today,
Yolanda
-Yeah! How you doing?
-Camilla,
and, as always, my new bestie,
Linda Cardellini!
-Welcome!
-Hi, Piggy. This is Jeff, too.
-Wait a minute. Who's that, Cardellini?
-LINDA: Oh, hi! Hi!
-YOLANDA: You know her?
-We went to high school.
-YOLANDA: What? Are you kidding?
-Yep.
Cardellini, you still do those jump
in the air, come down, land in a split?
-Oh, yeah.
-YOLANDA: Wow.
-That's what she used to do.
-They call that a Cardellini.
Okay, okay. Let's just start this
healthy discussion, shall we?
-Sure.
-Linda.
(MISS PIGGY SPEAKING)
-Jeff always says
-(SQUAWKS)
to stay active.
You take advice from a bird who can't fly.
He's in good shape.
(CLUCKING)
Deadly, you've got fan questions?
(UNCLE DEADLY SPEAKING)
I think a good, healthy snack is
I love fruit.
-(JEFF SQUAWKS)
-(CLUCKS)
Baked ziti.
-Allergic to fruit.
-Baked ziti.
And most vegetables.
-Calzones are nice. Calzones are good.
-Yeah.
I love caviar.
(UNCLE DEADLY SPEAKING)
(MISS PIGGY CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
-I say we move on past that one.
-We're just gonna move on from that.
Not gonna dignify it with an answer.
-What's she doing?
-I don't know.
(SIGHS) All right, all right.
We're done here!
Thank you very much, Yolanda the rat,
Camilla the chicken,
and Linda the Cardellini.
See you next time!
-See you later.
-Bye-bye.
Can we hit the gym?
BUBBA: Cats.
Well, that's that!
Thank you for watching
this fabulous episode.
I feel fitter already.
Stay healthy and remember
to be the best me you can be. (BLOWS KISS)
Oh, don't forget to tell your fans
that you're not actually a health expert.
You don't forget my sundae.
I need that, like, yesterday.
You had one yesterday.
Want a banana split lip?
One sundae coming up.
-All right! Digital deliveries are done.
-(DOORBELL RINGS)
Oh, and dinner delivery is here.
-Uh, I'll be--
-I know how busy you are.
You don't have time for my emails.
-So I thought I'd come to you.
-(SIGHS)
Well, come to think of it, this is a show.
Def Comedy Door Jam. (CHUCKLES)
I know how to bring down a house!
Whoa-ho!
I'll blow the roof off the place.
(CHUCKLES)
Lemme give you a sample.
Why did the chimney
feel under the weather?
Because he had a flue!
Ah, wocka wocka.
Ah
Uh
Scooter? Are you there?
Just buzz me in.
streaming from--
(RINGING)
Scooter! Got a second?
Uh, no, not really, Fozzie.
I'm about to upload Muppets Now, now.
Glad I caught you. I got some
great show ideas to pitch to you.
Uh, I'm about to upload
to the streaming service.
-(ALERT RINGS)
-It's late in the game, Fozzie.
Huh, that's what Kermit said
when he sent me your way.
(NOTIFICATION POPS)
Uh, sorry, right now,
I am literally dragging and dropping.
No, wait! Listen to this.
How about a game show
where people try to guess who a--
Yeah, sorry, Fozzie.
We have a game show and I need--
-Hold on, I've got more!
-I'm sure you do, Fozzie.
And now it's time for
(SCOOTER SPEAKING)
I'm your announcer, Scooter.
And now, here he is,
your host from just off the coast,
Pepe the King Prawn!
(PEPE LAUGHING)
-Gracias! Gracias, everyone. Huh?
-SCOOTER: Mmm-hmm.
(CANNED APPLAUSE)
Scooper, where's the audience?
Uh, it's the audio guy in the booth.
-If we need applause
-(APPLAUSE)
-or laughter
-(CANNED LAUGHTER)
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
Or maybe some boos? Let's hear the boos.
-(CANNED BOOING)
-(PEPE CHUCKLES)
Give me scared.
-(SCREAMING)
-(CHUCKLES)
Airplane flight 135 takeoff!
-RECORDED VOICE: Flight clear for takeoff.
-There it goes!
I love this, okay.
Let's meet our contestants.
Hola! What is your name?
-I'm Brie.
-PEPE: Ooh!
-Like the lovely cheese.
-Mmm-hmm.
-Where are you from, Brie?
-Dallas, Texas.
-And why?
-I was born there.
-Ah, and what is your name, sir?
-Artoun.
-Cartoons? Do you love cartoons?
-I love cartoons.
-Did you invent the cartoons?
-No.
No. Why are you buttoned up to the top?
Will you be putting a tie on today?
Uh, no. Just looks nice.
-It's a style?
-Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
-Let's play, shall we?
-SCOOTER: Yes.
-Scooper, how do we do this?
-It's straightforward.
Uh, in round one,
you'll be quizzed in a variety of topics.
Science, arts, humanities, history,
and for each correct answer,
you'll receive one advantage point.
Aye, aye, aye.
SCOOTER: And now for round two,
there'll be a buzzer beater bonus!
Okay, stop it!
-It's too confusing, okay?
-(STAMMERING)
-We'll do something else.
-This was network approved.
(PEPE SPEAKING)
Yes, a staring contest.
Who wants to do a staring contest?
(PEPE LAUGHING)
Okay. Here we go.
Now, you two turn and look at each other,
and the first one to laugh will lose.
Sorry, this is not on the schedule.
I need a referee.
Do we have a referee?
-I didn't arrange a referee.
-(SQUAWKS)
Oh. Oh, there he is. Okay. Terrific.
When did you set this up?
Okay, folks, here we go.
I'm gonna count you in.
-Three, two, one. Stare!
-(SQUAWKING RHYTHMICALLY)
PEPE: That's it. Don't blink.
Staring a little closer now.
Get a little closer.
Don't be afraid of each other.
Cartoons, he looks
like he's holding strong,
but he looks like he's eating a candy.
-Get little closer. That's it, that's it.
-(REFEREE SQUAWKS)
Oh, someone's gonna break!
Look at Brie!
Her mouth is starting to smile.
I can feel it.
No, no, no. Now it's Cartoons.
Cartoons is looking puffy.
He's looking a little swollen.
Looks like they could both break.
Who's gonna go first?
-Cartoon broke!
-(REFEREE SQUAWKS)
Okay. Okay, and Brie is the winner
on this one, okay?
-(ALL LAUGHING)
-Terrific. Well done.
-Okay, Brie, you get 17 points.
-Yay!
And, Cartoon, you get, uh,
I don't know, 32 points, okay.
You can't just award random points, Pepe.
-Why not?
-That's not how I've organized the game.
It doesn't matter. This is my show.
This is my show.
-(CANNED APPLAUSE)
-(LAUGHING)
Who wants points? Raise your hand.
-Okay. You get 500 points, Cartoon.
-(SQUAWKS)
And, Brie, you get 1,700 points, okay?
-This is not how the game goes.
-PEPE: It's trivia time.
SCOOTER: Oh. Oh, okay, good.
We're back on format. Yes.
Today's category is musical theater.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Let's do, uh
-(SIGHS)
-Let's do something physicals.
But we've already licensed the show tunes.
But since today is laundry day,
I had someone round up
all the Muppets' socks.
It happens to be Beauregard.
Come on in, Bo.
-SCOOTER: When did you arrange this?
-Some of them were being worn.
-Uh-huh.
-But I think I got all the feet out.
PEPE: Oh, good. Terrific. Okay.
What are you doing?
I'm finished.
-Well, get out!
-Oh!
-Where?
-Okay, peoples. Here we go.
Now, whoever throws more socks
into the hamper wins the points.
Bring out the hamper!
Uh, she's not a hamper. Her name is Carol.
Yeah, yeah. Carol the Hamper.
Let's put time on the clock.
-How much time?
-Who cares?
In three, two, one. Throw socks!
-That's very good. Cartoons got a few.
-(CAROL GRUNTING)
PEPE: Oh, look at Brie, she's going fast.
Faster than you, Cartoons.
Now Cartoons is throwing a lot more.
Brie is trying to catch up.
Okay, what? That's a slipper.
You lose points.
We're running out of time. Here we go.
Five, four, three, two, one. Socks down!
(PEPE CHUCKLES)
Scooper, tally up the points.
Uh, how do you want me to do this?
Well, hairstyle, teeth color,
I don't care.
-SCOOTER: Just trying to--
-Let's determine our winner.
-I'm still doing the math.
-Do it on your own time.
We're doing a game show now.
(CAROL BURPING LOUDLY)
Aye, aye, aye.
Okay, please take the lunch breath
off the stage. Gracias.
-SCOOTER: Thank you, Carol.
-Thank you, Carol the Hamper.
I'm very sorry, Carol.
Okay. Are you ready
for the Final Question?
-Yes.
-Yes.
-Are you ready?
-BOTH: Yes.
-Sure you're ready?
-BOTH: Yes.
-Sure that you're really ready?
-BOTH: Yes!
Okay. Here comes the question.
-Who should win?
-Me!
Oh, Cartoon. Cartoon wins!
-Cartoon wins! He answered correctly!
-(BRIE GROANS)
-(ARTOUN LAUGHING)
-I'm sorry, Brie. The answer was, "Me,"
and the fastest person to say, "Me,"
is the winner, okay?
I'm gonna offer up a blanket apology
for getting you involved in this.
Okay. Please head over
to the losers table please.
-Uh, where is the losers table?
-Uh, with you, of course.
Okay, Cartoon, did you ever dream
that when you were watching cartoons
and you change your name
that you would be the winner?
No. No.
Join me. We're going to the
Bonus round
The bonus round
(BOTH LAUGHING)
Okay, now, this is the Bonus Round.
This is where you play with
a secret partner, for a secret prize.
-And can you guess who today's partner is?
-Robert Downey Jr.
Oh, that would have been nice.
But, no! It's Gonzo!
Hey! Congratulations!
Your name is really Cartoon?
-No. It's, uh, Artoun.
-Oh!
Okay, come on. Let's play.
All right. Listen, I want you
to meet my chickens, Camilla
-(CLUCKS)
-and this is Miss Stephens
-(CLUCKS)
-and this is Priscilla. Okay?
-(CLUCKS)
-Before we get to your challenge,
we have prepared a lovely musical number
for your enjoyment.
-(GASPS)
-Take it away, ladies!
-(CHICKENS CLUCKING)
-PEPE: Oh, this is gonna be great.
Okay, go.
-(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
-(ALL CLUCKING ALONG)
Oh, and now for the Bonus Challenge.
Which of these chickens is Camilla?
-(CLOCK TICKING)
-(GASPS)
Take your time. Don't rush it, okay?
-Don't rush.
-Remember the choreography.
-Uh, this one.
-You are correct!
-PEPE: What?
-(ANGRY CLUCKING)
Oh, no, no, no, sorry, sorry, sorry.
-This one!
-(ANGRY CLUCKING)
-Wait, wait.
-What's going on?
-Oh, it was her all along!
-What's going
Oh, geez. It's gonna be
an awkward car ride home. (GROANS)
Aye, aye, aye.
Okay, well, I'm sorry, Cartoons,
you didn't win the secret prize.
(CANNED GROANING)
But then, since it's a secret,
you don't know what you're missing.
Yeah. And we don't either.
You were making this whole thing up.
Yeah, well, that's true.
-So, I guess it's the end.
-(MUSIC PLAYING)
-What do you mean?
-It's the end. Good night!
-Just like that, it ends?
-It's over.
-SCOOTER: It can't end like that.
-Why?
Let's do something like freeze
(TYPING)
Ugh.
I can't unsee that. I can't unsee that!
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Welcome to the
Okey Dokey Kookin challenge!
I am your host, Beverly Plume.
And today, two masters of mealtime do
combat in the kitchen for your appetite.
The first competitor
is our very own Swedish Chef!
Versus action icon, actor,
entrepreneur, restaurateur,
and owner of the best mustache
in the business, Danny Trejo.
Oh, isn't he magnificent? Hello!
-(GASPS)
-Eh? Uh-oh.
Oh, now. Now, now.
-(SPEAKING GIBBERISH)
-No! No, no, no!
-(BEVERLY YELPING)
-(DANNY GROWLING)
Gentlemen, this is not
a mustache competition!
Now, today our experts will create
a dish that has made Tuesdays famous.
A simple yet versatile meal
we call the "taco."
Today we will be preparing the Mole Taco.
Traditional Latin meal,
very, very delicious.
-Probably better than anything in Sweden.
-BEVERLY: Ooh!
(EXCLAIMS ANGRILY)
(BEVERLY YELPING)
Boys! Boys! Boys! Boys!
Now, let's stick to your sides! Please!
-(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
-(BEVERLY EXCLAIMING)
(GOBBLES)
-And let us begin.
-(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
So, why did you choose this recipe?
Everybody loves chicken mole.
Ooh! So excited! I can't wait to start.
DANNY: First, the delicious chicken broth.
Hmm, oh, all right.
DANNY: Second, mole.
This has a secret sauce.
BEVERLY: Ooh! What's inside?
If I told you, I would have to, uh
Hmm?
Marry you, sweep you away,
and make sure you could never talk.
(GIGGLING) Ooh!
(SWEDISH CHEF HUMMING)
Oh! Introducing a little heat, are we?
Hmm. It's spicy!
Oh! How spicy are they?
Oh, very spicy.
Well, then,
I recommend you wear some gloves
while you're handling those very spicy
What?
(LAUGHING)
For the spicy, wear the gloves?
-Wear the gloves for the spicy? (LAUGHS)
-BEVERLY: Well
(SCOFFS)
All righty, then. (CLEARS THROAT)
DANNY: We're gonna incorporate chicken.
BEVERLY: Mmm.
DANNY: Some sugar.
Peanut butter.
-Yoo-hoo.
-Eh?
Pepper gloven.
Spicy pepper gloven.
(SWEDISH CHEF SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
(BLOWING)
-Well, I salute your culinary fortitude!
-(LAUGHING)
-Oh, spicy. It's so spicy.
-Oh.
(CLEARS THROAT) How worried are you about
competing against the Swedish Chef?
(LAUGHING)
-Meatballs, schmeatballs. Come on!
-(BEVERLY GIGGLES)
(SWEDISH CHEF GROANING)
BEVERLY: Do you have a personal connection
to this recipe?
DANNY: Well, my mother actually made it,
and, you know, we loved it.
This was a Sunday evening meal, really.
One of the key is a little bit of salt.
(VOCALIZES)
-Whoo! That was very good.
-(DANNY CHUCKLES)
(CONTINUES GROANING)
Now I think it's time for me
to start warming my tortillas.
(SWEDISH CHEF GROANING)
Spicy.
Oh.
(YELPING)
We warned him, didn't we?
Yeah. (CHUCKLES) I heard you.
DANNY: I think we're ready.
BEVERLY: Ready to plate?
-I'm gonna put a taco together.
-Ooh!
There are so many ways a chef can use mole
to express their unique culinary
point of view.
And here is one now.
-Here the mole.
-Oh, my!
-Hi.
-Here's a tortilla.
-With the mole.
-This is cozy.
(GIGGLES) That tickles.
DANNY: Next, cheese.
(SWEDISH CHEF SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
(DANNY SPEAKING)
(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
DANNY: Avocado.
Make sure to make me a taco.
(SWEDISH CHEF SPEAKS GIBBERISH
AND LAUGHS)
BEVERLY: Oh, it's like art!
-(SWEDISH CHEF SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
-What's that? Oh!
DANNY: Now this does not take a lot.
The spicy.
Hmm?
All right, Danny. Tell us about your dish.
DANNY: Here we have
our lusciously beautiful taco.
-(GIGGLES) Lovely!
-May I?
Yes, yes. Absolutely.
-Mmm.
-Mmm! (GIGGLES)
Delicious.
And, Chef, what do you have to present?
MOLE: Cilantro?
I don't really like cilan
(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
I thought there was
method to this madness,
but it appears to be just madness.
Well, I believe Mr. Trejo
has you on presentation
and likely taste as well.
-No, no, no, no, no!
-No, no, no, no, no?
-Mmm. (SPEAKS GIBBERISH)
-Oh. Oh!
-Uh-oh.
-(SWEDISH CHEF GROANS)
-Moo-moo!
-Moo what?
-Moo-moo!
-Moo-moo?
-(SHOUTING) Moo-moo!
-Milk! He needs milk!
It's too hot. He needs milk.
(SWEDISH CHEF GROANING)
Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
BEVERLY: There you have it.
As you plan your next Taco Tuesday,
or Taco Any Day
-DANNY: You okay?
-which one would you like to make?
Thank you for joining us, Mr. Trejo.
-Thank you!
-BEVERLY: A pleasure.
See you next time. Adiós!
MOLE: (MUFFLED) Adiós!
Yes, thank you.
(NOTIFICATION POPS)
AUTOMATED VOICE:
You have one new voice message.
FOZZIE: Hiya, Scooter. Know you're busy,
but you'll love this one.
(SCOOTER SIGHS)
It's a show
where all I do is measure things.
-(GROANS)
-It's called Bear-o-metric. Huh?
-Yeah.
-AUTOMATED VOICE: Okay.
You're done. I'm hanging up.
Thank you!
FOZZIE: Wow! Tough room.
KERMIT: Before Muppet Labs,
it's time for "do-not-try-this-at-home"
from our lawyer, Joe.
Deposition of party of the first part,
habeas corpus, yeah.
Not a lot of stage presence,
but good at legal disclaimers.
Hmm, I rest my case.
Hmm, good grief.
-(LAUGHING)
-Huh?
(GROANS)
(SCREAMING)
Welcome to Muppet Labs Field Test.
I am Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
and this is my assistant.
(BEAKER MEEPING)
Oh, sorry, Beaker, I didn't mean you.
I mean my smart assistant Beak-R.
BEAK-R: Meep. It is a pleasure to be here.
-(MEEPING)
-(LAUGHS)
What incredible diction.
Now, Beak-R,
what's on the calendar for today?
BEAK-R: You have one scheduled event
on your calendar for today.
-Light things on fire.
-Oh, goodie!
The nature of heat was discovered through
Sir Benjamin Thompson's
close work with cannons,
setting a new trajectory
for thermodynamics.
Ta-da!
But let's stop learning,
and let's start burning.
Prepare the infern-o-matic.
BEAK-R: Meep, I am unable to do that.
I don't have hands.
Beaker 1.0, would you do the honors?
BEAK-R: Agreed.
Beaker 1.0 is expendable
in case of an accident.
You heard it, Beaky.
(BEAKER SIGHS)
(IMITATING BEAK-R MOCKINGLY)
Tut-tut-tut-tut-tut. No sassing.
Now, what do we burn?
Hmm.
-Oh, a scented candle!
-Mmm-hmm.
BEAK-R: Beaker 1.0 has accidentally
stumbled onto something
scientifically important.
-Oh, Beaky. Isn't she wonderful?
-(MEEPING)
BEAK-R: Relax, and I'll tell you.
A candle is important
because it both melts and burns.
(SCREAMS)
Melting is simply
an object changing forms.
But if an object burns,
it's undergoing a chemical change
involving oxygen: incineration.
Another marvelous explanation.
And a perfect introduction to my favorite
game, "Will It Melt or Will It Burn?"
-(GAS HISSING)
-BOTH: Whoo!
(DR. BUNSEN SPEAKING)
(BEAK-R SPEAKING)
-Oh, dear.
-Mmm-hmm.
(DR. BUNSEN SPEAKING)
BEAK-R: Meep, burn.
-DR. BUNSEN: A clock.
-(BEAKER MEEPING)
(BEAK-R SPEAKING)
-(BOTH GASP)
-(BEAK-R SPEAKING)
DR. BUNSEN: I have marshmallow roast.
(BEAKER MEEPING)
(BEAK-R SPEAKING)
Would you like to learn more about fire?
Oh, yes, yes, I would.
BEAK-R: A fire needs
three things to ignite:
heat, oxygen, and fuel.
Heat comes from the infern-o-matic,
oxygen comes from the air around us,
and fuel from objects we procure.
That can mean only one thing.
Meep, we need more things to burn.
Yes. Yes. More things to burn.
BEAK-R: Wooden spoons
are not made for high heat.
BEAKER: Oh.
Isn't this wonderful?
BEAK-R: The Swedish Chef
will not miss those.
-DR. BUNSEN: How do you like your eggs?
-(BEAKER GRUNTS)
BEAK-R: Beaker 1.0 is over easy.
I prefer incinerated.
Ah! Ooh, I love a duet.
BEAKER: Ooh!
BEAK-R: This beat is lit.
Oh, dear.
That's a lot of heat.
Beak-R, would you please
supervise Beaker 1.0
in the cleanup process?
BEAK-R: Yes, sir. Beaker 1.0, get to work.
(IMITATING BEAK-R ANGRILY)
I understand.
You don't have the burning desire
to be the ultimate assistant.
(BEAKER GASPS)
(BEAKER HUMMING)
BEAK-R: What are you doing, Beaker 1.0?
(BEAKER MEEPING IN SING-SONG)
Beaker 1.0, what are you doing?
I am on fire.
Meep, this is not the end, Beaker 1.0.
Meep, you will never defeat me
(DISTORTED) I live in the cloud.
-BEAKER: Mmm-hmm.
-Uh Um
Where's Beak-R?
(MEEPING)
SCOOTER: Hmm.
You gotta be kidding me.
Nope. Mmm-mmm.
Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope.
-(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
-Hey, guys. In this episode of Lifestyle,
we'll work out the secrets
to health and fitness.
(PANTING)
As soon as I catch my breath.
That draws even more attention to it.
I want that "le" to be sparkly
like the rest of the title.
-"Sparkly." Got it.
-Yeah.
Staying fit,
how do you do it today,
without personal trainers, dietitians,
chefs, coaches, masseuses
You have all of those.
None of them are here.
Who is gonna talk? You?
(MISS PIGGY SPEAKING)
Like this exercise ball
I replaced my chair whoa, whoa, whoa!
(MISS PIGGY SPEAKING)
And water doesn't have to be boring.
Add something special
to make you feel special.
-Oh, Deadly, could I have a little lemon?
-Of course.
-And some cucumber?
-Yes.
A little ginger.
And some fresh berries would be nice.
A sprig of mint?
And let's get some cinnamon in there.
Just put it over there,
I'm not that thirsty.
(UNCLE DEADLY GROWLING)
Get a fitness buddy
to share your fitness journey, and
What are you doing here?
Can I be your fitness buddy?
Do you have an exercise ball?
-I do not, but maybe I could use yours.
-What? No!
-Let me just--
-Don't sit on me!
(BALL POPS AND HISSES)
(MISS PIGGY GROANING)
I think I broke your ball.
Get off of me! I can't breathe!
Get off, get off!
Hot yoga with Taye Diggs.
Now our room has been warmed
to over 38 degrees centigrade.
Are you kidding? I'm burning up in here.
Because it's 100 degrees Fahrenheit.
Indeed, Taye Diggs.
A deep sweat is good for stress relief,
and tension release.
Uh, no.
Sweat happens to other people.
I actually enjoy a deep sweat.
Oh (GIGGLES) Do you, now?
Trust me, you'll feel like a new woman
after hot yoga.
You're all the heat I need, Taye.
(GIGGLING)
And now, we pose.
-Mountain pose.
-(MISS PIGGY GRUNTS)
-UNCLE DEADLY: Warrior pose.
-(MISS PIGGY GRUNTING)
-UNCLE DEADLY: Half Moon.
-(GRUNTING CONTINUES)
-UNCLE DEADLY: Standing Bow-Pulling pose.
-(GRUNTING SHAKILY)
-(SCREAMS)
-(THUD)
That's an excellent Corpse pose, Piggy.
Piggy.
Piggy?
-Is she gonna be okay?
-Eh.
We have to discuss fitness today,
Yolanda
-Yeah! How you doing?
-Camilla,
and, as always, my new bestie,
Linda Cardellini!
-Welcome!
-Hi, Piggy. This is Jeff, too.
-Wait a minute. Who's that, Cardellini?
-LINDA: Oh, hi! Hi!
-YOLANDA: You know her?
-We went to high school.
-YOLANDA: What? Are you kidding?
-Yep.
Cardellini, you still do those jump
in the air, come down, land in a split?
-Oh, yeah.
-YOLANDA: Wow.
-That's what she used to do.
-They call that a Cardellini.
Okay, okay. Let's just start this
healthy discussion, shall we?
-Sure.
-Linda.
(MISS PIGGY SPEAKING)
-Jeff always says
-(SQUAWKS)
to stay active.
You take advice from a bird who can't fly.
He's in good shape.
(CLUCKING)
Deadly, you've got fan questions?
(UNCLE DEADLY SPEAKING)
I think a good, healthy snack is
I love fruit.
-(JEFF SQUAWKS)
-(CLUCKS)
Baked ziti.
-Allergic to fruit.
-Baked ziti.
And most vegetables.
-Calzones are nice. Calzones are good.
-Yeah.
I love caviar.
(UNCLE DEADLY SPEAKING)
(MISS PIGGY CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
-I say we move on past that one.
-We're just gonna move on from that.
Not gonna dignify it with an answer.
-What's she doing?
-I don't know.
(SIGHS) All right, all right.
We're done here!
Thank you very much, Yolanda the rat,
Camilla the chicken,
and Linda the Cardellini.
See you next time!
-See you later.
-Bye-bye.
Can we hit the gym?
BUBBA: Cats.
Well, that's that!
Thank you for watching
this fabulous episode.
I feel fitter already.
Stay healthy and remember
to be the best me you can be. (BLOWS KISS)
Oh, don't forget to tell your fans
that you're not actually a health expert.
You don't forget my sundae.
I need that, like, yesterday.
You had one yesterday.
Want a banana split lip?
One sundae coming up.
-All right! Digital deliveries are done.
-(DOORBELL RINGS)
Oh, and dinner delivery is here.
-Uh, I'll be--
-I know how busy you are.
You don't have time for my emails.
-So I thought I'd come to you.
-(SIGHS)
Well, come to think of it, this is a show.
Def Comedy Door Jam. (CHUCKLES)
I know how to bring down a house!
Whoa-ho!
I'll blow the roof off the place.
(CHUCKLES)
Lemme give you a sample.
Why did the chimney
feel under the weather?
Because he had a flue!
Ah, wocka wocka.
Ah
Uh
Scooter? Are you there?
Just buzz me in.