Murder, She Wrote s01e02 Episode Script

I'm not particularly proud of what I had to do to earn that money, but I did it.
- And I want what's coming to me.
- Don't ever touch me like that again.
- You don't seem exactly broken up over Drake's death.
- Tell you what.
I'll split a bouquet with you.
If I love him, how can I justify spying on him? For your own peace of mind.
No reasonable person could assume for one moment that I had anything to do with Al's death.
No.
Other than the fact that you despised the man.
Catch that killer! Mr.
Drake.
What do you say, kid? Out for some early morning air? I've gotta talk to ya.
So talk.
I need my money.
We already had that conversation.
You'll get it when you're finished.
I'm finished.
Come on now, kid.
We got a deal.
You're in it till I say otherwise.
Now, look.
You listen to me.
I'm not particularly proud of what I had to do to earn that money, but I did it.
- And I want what's comin' to me.
- You're a nice kid, Howard, but don't you ever touch me like that again.
Tonight, you be there, or you don't see a dime, you got that? Fritz.
Come on, Fritz.
You know, Al, too much of that stuff can give you a heart attack.
You worried about me, Mike, or just fantasizing? I thought we had a deal.
We do.
Just be patient.
Yeah, well, I've been patient for about six months.
I think you're jerkin' my string, Al, that's what I think.
- Have you raised the money? - Now, that's my problem, isn't it? Don't push me, Mike.
Things are goin' real good right now.
- But I can live without you.
- Yeah? Well, speaking of living, anybody can live without anybody.
Fritz.
Actually, it's going to be a very simple wedding, intimate.
Intimate.
I see.
Well, we can still make it very festive flowers on each side of the altar God bless you.
Oh, thank you.
I'm allergic to flowers.
Just how intimate a wedding will this be? Uh, well, I just flew in from New York a few days ago, and, uh, my aunt just flew in from Maine and maybe a few of Howard's friends.
Speaking of the groom, I do have choir practice in five minutes.
- I'm sorry I'm late.
- Howard.
I got hung up at the office, and traffic's brutal.
- Sorry, Reverend.
- If we could do a quick run-through How's your aunt? She get in okay? Great.
I checked her into the hotel first thing this morning.
If you'd both stand here, side by side, facing me.
I made dinner reservations at this terrific place on the wharf.
- Oh, damn.
- Howard, not again.
I'm sorry, honey.
I can't make it.
I wish I could.
Howard, this is ridiculous.
I do have the little tots waiting in the rehearsal hall.
It's a very important client.
They can't all be that important.
Every Every night? God bless you.
Honey, if there was any way I could make it, you know I would.
Five nights in a row? We'll do it tomorrow.
Will we, Howard? Maybe you'll be tied up again.
God knows I wouldn't want to drag you away from a client.
Vicky! Are you sure these are Maine lobsters? Certainly, madam.
They're flown in fresh every day.
Maybe they've got jet lag.
Would you care to select one? Well, we'll take the first two that move.
Very good, madam.
Follow me, please.
Would you ladies care for a cocktail? What would you like, Vicky? I think I'd like a glass of white wine.
I think I'll have the same.
Thank you.
Anyway, I met him in New York Gosh, it must have been about a year ago.
He was acting in an off-Broadway show.
Oh, I thought he was in insurance.
Oh, he is now.
But back there he was an actor.
Well, actually, he was mostly a cabdriver.
You see, in college, he played the lead in Charley's Aunt, and I guess it just sort of got in his blood.
And what kind of transfusion led him into life insurance? He wanted to start over again you know, a new career.
See, he didn't want to get married until he could be absolutely sure of his future.
That's why he came out here to San Francisco.
That's sensible enough if that's what he wants.
Oh, believe me, AuntJess.
I would marry Howard no matter what business he was in.
I really love him, and Howard loves me.
He really does.
I mean, I know that for a certainty.
Damn.
You know, Vicky, it's not abnormal to have last-minute doubts.
You've always read me like a book, haven't you? If I'm prying, you just stop me.
Thank you.
Thanks.
You know how they say there's nothing quite so romantic as San Francisco after dark? I wouldn't know.
I've been here for five days, and for five straight nights, Howard has been working.
Well, of course, selling life insurance is I dropped by his office yesterday to surprise him.
They told me that he hadn't worked there for a month.
Oh.
Yesterday, I met him for breakfast, and he had these circles under his eyes, and he smelled like perfume.
Hmm.
Of course, some men do wear cologne.
This afternoon at the chapel, he lent me his handkerchief.
Look.
That's not your shade.
No.
And these matches, from some nightclub? They are all over his apartment.
I wanna go to this place, you know, to find out.
But if I love him, how can I justify spying on him? For your own peace of mind, I think you have to.
Good evening, Mr.
Carter.
Right this way.
Another full house, Mr.
Drake? We're ahead of last week by nine percent.
A man'd be a fool to sell a gold mine like this, right, Barbara? Well, you'll break a lot of hearts if you don't.
As long as I don't break yours, baby.
I'll bring the printout around before I leave.
Al, we gotta talk.
Go away, Patterson.
I'm busy.
I hope you don't think you have Freddy tied up for another four years.
You made the deal for him.
I know who made the deal.
Look, I'm not saying he won't play the club.
Al, Freddy loves you.
Sure.
The whole world loves me.
He just wants some freedom to explore a few more things.
I got him that talk show, and now he's hot.
He's hot because this club made him hot.
Now, you tell Freddy he works here, or he doesn't work anywhere.
Got that? That's what we have courts for.
Ladies? A table for two, please.
- Your name, please? - We don't have a reservation, but we don't mind waiting.
We could seat you at 11:00 next Thursday.
That's a bit longer than we had in mind.
Really? Felix.
Now I'm getting stubborn.
Excuse me.
Mr.
Drake? Excuse me.
I really hate doing this sort of thing, but, uh, my aunt and I just dropped by, and we would really like a table.
That's my aunt right there.
You probably recognize her.
No.
J.
B.
Fletcher.
Oh, really? Really.
Who the hell is J.
B.
Fletcher? Uh, a very famous mystery writer.
She's had six best sellers.
This morning she was on Bay City Breakfast, and tomorrow she appears with Dana Burns and then in the afternoon, she's gonna meet the mayor.
Ms.
Fletcher, so delighted you could join us this evening.
Raymond, a table for Ms.
Fletcher and her party, please.
How very nice.
There's just the two of us.
Table for two.
Of course.
Enjoy the show, ladies.
Thank you.
Merci.
Merci.
It's not a very good view of the stage.
But a great view of the patrons.
How could Howard afford to bring her to a place like this? And now, the one and only, our very own, in his third year Freddy York! Freddy.
Hey.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
My name is Freddy York.
I'm here to give you some yuks.
I wanted to look good for the show tonight, so I went to a barbershop right before the show.
I figured I'd get a shave, a shoe shine and a manicure the works, right? Guy's shavin'me.
I look down at this girl that's giving me a manicure.
She's really cute.
I say, "Listen.
I'm Freddy York.
I'm the comedy star at Les Champignons.
Why don't you come catch the show tonight?" She said, "I'd like to, but I'm married.
" I said, "Come anyway.
Tell your husband you're going out with the girls.
" She said, "You tell him.
He's shaving you.
" I met a girl at the bar last night.
She told me she was into astrology.
- She wanted to meet a Leo, so I introduced her to my accountant.
- What a great crowd.
- Yes.
Tomorrow at 9:00.
Good night.
Mrs.
Drake.
What a pleasant surprise.
I didn't know you were here tonight.
What am I supposed to do? Make an appointment? I'll seat you immediately.
Was Mr.
Drake expecting you? Oh, I doubt it.
Show Mrs.
Drake to her table.
"You're never gonna sell a car with 120,000 miles on it.
Why don't you just lower that odometer, you know, go in and lower it? You'll sell your car.
" I saw him last night.
I said, "Hey, Eddie.
You sell your car?" He said, "No, I'm not gonna sell my car.
I only got 12,000 miles on it.
" Felix.
Find Mr.
Drake.
Tell him his wife is on the premises.
has two rooms reserved at the hotel.
He gets there a little late.
The clerk says, "Sir, Mr.
Jones, I'm sorry.
I only got one room left.
" Felix, what are you doing backstage? I'm supposed to tell Mr.
Drake his wife's here.
His wife? Yeah.
Well, never mind.
I'll tell him.
You go back out front.
They go upstairs.
They take the twin beds.
Middle of the night, the secretary gets up.
She goes, "Psst.
Mr.
Smith, are you sleeping?" He said, "What's the matter?" She said, "I'm chilly.
" He says, "Well, if you're chilly, would you like to pretend that you're Mrs.
Smith tonight?" She says, "Why, Mr.
Smith, I'd love to.
" He said, "Good.
Get up and shut the window yourself.
" And you're a great crowd.
You're really beautiful.
Thank you.
Thank you.
You're great.
I love you.
Stick around for the next show.
I'll see you.
You're beautiful! Victoria, have you noticed there's something a little strange about this place? - What do you mean? - I don't know.
I can't quite put my finger on it.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'm glad you're all having such a great time.
And now, the moment we've all been waiting for, the star of our show, that lovely chanteuse, Michelle Dupont! ? There's a somebody I'm longin' to see? ?I hope that he turns out? Catch that killer! Stop him! He's a murderer! Stop him! - Victoria! - Howard? Howard? L I can explain everything.
Mike.
What the hell's going on? Drake's been shot.
Shot? Who shot him? The new guy Howard.
May I please see Mr.
Griffin? I'm sorry, lady.
Nobody can go in there.
I have to see him.
Can't let you go in.
I have my orders.
Please? Look, we're gonna be married.
- Here.
You can take my purse, and you can search me.
- Vicky? Well, I guess it'll be all right.
Just for a minute.
Thank you.
Oh, Howard.
Oh, Vicky, I'm sorry, honey.
I wanted to tell you, I really did.
It was just a job.
I know! Isn't it wonderful? What? That it was just a job.
I thought that Well, never mind.
Vicky, I didn't I didn't shoot him.
I swear I didn't.
Of course you didn't.
Suspect in there? Yes, sir.
Which one? The tall one.
Bill, take her downtown and book her.
Him.
Whatever.
All right.
Coming through.
Stand aside.
Stand aside.
Coming through.
Step aside, please.
Uh, I'm Lieutenant Novak.
Now, did anybody touch anything in here? - No.
- Well, which one of you saw the killing? I did.
Well, I mean, I walked past the open door, and I saw her him standing over Mr.
Drake with the gun.
This gun? Yes.
I must have screamed, and he dropped it and ran out.
Hmm.
Smooth grip, Charlie.
You might even get some prints.
Yeah.
How 'bout that? Lieutenant Novak, did you notice the small white feather on Mr.
Drake's jacket? - Who are you? - Oh, I'm Jessica Fletcher.
- Did you see the murder? - Well, actually, no.
I was sitting out front watching the show.
Then, Ms.
Fletcher, would you mind doing me a great big favor? - Oh, I'll do absolutely anything I can to help.
- Would you please get out of here? Please, ma'am? Please, ma'am? Okay, Mr.
York.
Now, is there anything you might want to add to this statement? What can I tell you? I was making a living out front; he was dyin' backstage.
Sign it.
You don't seem exactly broken up over Drake's death.
I'll tell you what.
I'll split a bouquet with you.
Pick whatever kind of flowers you want.
Sweet guy.
I hate to tell you this, Floyd, but I think the sun just came up.
Oh, I'm glad you told me.
- Yeah.
Ralph, you got anything on that gun yet? Excuse me.
New York? You sure? Great work, Ralph.
Thanks.
Lieutenant Novak, I've been waiting several hours outside there.
Oh, lady, please.
I haven't slept all night, and I'm tired.
You know, you're not a witness in this case, and I just don't have time for you.
I, too, have been up all night, and I have got jet lag on top of it.
I was supposed to go on a TV show this morning, but I canceled it because I thought that this was more important.
Now, either you find time to talk with me, or I will go on that television show, and my subject will not be my next book it will be the insensitivity and arrogance of the city's homicide division.
All right.
All right.
I'll make it simple.
Okay.
The suspect was seen standing over the victim holding the gun.
The only fingerprints on the gun was his, and it was common knowledge he'd been arguing with Drake about money.
And, oh, yeah, the gun was stolen from a pawnshop about six months ago in New York City, which is where Howard comes from, I believe.
Now you've got the picture? Yes.
Thank you, Lieutenant.
And I'm sure you ran a nitric acid test on Howard's hand to determine whether or not he fired the gun.
- We haven't gotten to that yet.
- Well, I hope you do it soon, because after a few hours, that test is meaningless.
- Now, I'd like to see Howard.
- You can't see him, Mrs.
Fletcher.
He's in the lockup.
That's quite all right, Lieutenant.
Where can I see him? Hey, Princess.
How 'bout a date? How'd you like this shoe for breakfast? Move it, tough guy.
But I just said that.
I mean, didn't you hear me say that? Didn't I just say that? I mean, what am I in? An echo chamber? Look.
Just get it done, okay? Bye.
You've got 10 minutes.
Ms.
Fletcher, I don't know what to say.
I'll tell you what to say.
Now, you sit right down there.
Now, did you or did you not kill that man? - No.
He was dead when I walked in.
- Well, I'd like to believe that.
- On the other hand, you did lie to Victoria.
- I never actually lied.
You told her that you had a job with an insurance firm.
Well, I did for almost six months, but Mrs.
Fletcher, do you know how hard it is to sit in someone's living room when they'd rather be watchin' television and tell 'em how rich they're gonna be after they're dead? They fired me.
Victoria would've understood that.
I know.
That's the trouble.
Vicky'd marry me no matter what I was into, including unemployment, welfare and starvation.
Look, I don't know how to explain this, but I wanna be a performer, and I knew if I didn't give it a shot, a real shot, that I'd be miserable and so would my marriage.
See, that's why I answered the ad to Les Champignons.
Was that a crime? Of course not.
Would you like a coffee? Sure.
It was only supposed to be for two weeks.
I was gonna quit before Victoria got out here.
Mr.
Drake said I was the world's worst female impersonator, but the customers liked me 'cause I was klutzy and I made 'em laugh.
He wouldn't let me quit.
He knew I was broke, so he held back on my wages.
That still doesn't explain why you were standing over him with a murder weapon in your hand.
Well, see, I finished my act, and I went back to his office to quit and get my money Mr.
Drake, I'm not listening to any more excuses.
This is my last night, and I want what you owe me.
Does this belong to you? Mr.
Drake.
You don't have friendly Fritz with you now.
This time, you're gonna talk to me! Murder! Catch that killer! Sure, it was stupid, but I panicked.
All I could see was my picture on page one, getting busted in a dress.
Great.
We can put it in a wedding album next to my mug shot.
Oh, Howard, I am so relieved.
We've only had one killer in our family and the redcoat shot first.
But, you know, I wonder what Miss Stevenson was doing there.
Well, everybody knew that Mr.
Drake and Barbara worked late a lot together.
Yeah, I get the idea.
Now, look.
I've got the name of a very good lawyer, and is there anything else you need? How 'bout a pair of pants? Yeah? Well, hello, Mrs.
Fletcher.
How nice to hear from you again.
Yeah.
I was just wondering how the nitric acid test came out.
Uh, I'm still waiting for the results.
However, you'll be happy to know we've established the time of death.
- Now we're getting somewhere.
- Drake was killed between 9:50 and 10:05.
Fifteen minutes.
Isn't that a little precise, even for the medical examiner? It has nothing to do with the medical examiner, Mrs.
Fletcher.
That's when York was performing.
The banging of his drums covered the sound of the shots.
- Yeah, but - Now, Mrs.
Fletcher, if you'll excuse me now, I have the commissioner on the other line.
Bye.
What is it about that woman that makes me nervous? I think she's kind of cute.
Uh, excuse me.
Yeah? Oh, uh,J.
B.
Fletcher, isn't it? Hi.
Bill Patterson.
Oh.
Nice to meet you.
I did a little checking on you, you know.
Six paperbacks and one movie sale.
Listen, do you have representation on the West Coast? Oh, thank you, Mr.
Patterson.
Yes, I do have an agent.
Actually, I was looking for Miss Barbara Stevenson.
She works in the business office.
Well, I hope they're doing a good job for you.
Through the club, backstage, past the dressing rooms.
Thank you.
Bye.
It's all been a terrible shock, but I know that Al would want us to carry on.
I have to find somebody to replace Howard.
Let me worry about that.
Naturally, all contracts will be honored.
Michelle, we have to do something about your lighting.
You're getting some ugly shadows under your chins.
Well, if you wanna critique my performance, Mrs.
Drake, I'd prefer the privacy of my dressing room.
Don't you turn your back on me! Don't you ever speak to me that way in front of the staff again! I suppose we do have to keep up appearances, don't we, darling? Oh.
Excuse me.
Mrs.
Fletcher, what'd they do? Find another body? I was looking for Miss Stevenson.
Down the hall on the right.
Uh-huh.
You're Howard's aunt, aren't you? Well, very soon, we hope.
That's a shame about this whole thing.
I mean, he's a really nice kid, and he's got a lot of talent.
And I'm not just talkin' about wearin' those dresses either.
Yeah, well, I think you'll be pleased to know that he did not kill Mr.
Drake.
Oh, he didn't? Who did? The bird? You know, you have a wonderful sense of humor, Mr.
York.
It's too bad it's wasted in a dump like this, huh? I wouldn't call this a dump.
What would you call it? You know, in Vegas you think they'd give a star a dressing room like this? They got a llama in one of their shows up there.
The llama's got a better dressing room than this.
Well, at least you got a great view.
I mean, look out there.
You can see Alcatraz.
That's my manager, Patterson.
He couldn't negotiate me more money, so he negotiated a window.
Did you wanna see me about something? - Hmm? Oh, no, no.
No.
Forgive me for interrupting you.
Uh Uh Down the hall on the right.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
If you'd like the figures, I could have them for you in a few minutes.
Dear Barbara.
Always so organized.
You know where the bills are filed and the bodies are buried.
Mrs.
Drake, you misunderstand.
I bet you even type 80 words a minute.
Frankly, Barbara, I don't know how I could ever run this club without you, but I'm gonna try.
You're fired.
- Could I give you a lift? - Oh, I know you.
- Howard's aunt almost.
- Uh, right, right.
Say, that looks heavy.
Jump in.
It's my treat.
Uh, thanks.
I really appreciate this now that I'm on a budget.
I just got fired.
Really? Uh-huh.
It must have been so interesting working at the club.
It was.
You wouldn't believe some of the things that go on.
But the only way to run an office is to learn to keep your mouth shut.
I never divulge company business.
Oh, I wouldn't dream of asking you anything.
However, I, uh, did hear something.
I wouldn't tell a soul.
Well, Mr.
Drake was already dead when Howard came in the room.
No kidding! Then who killed him? Oh, I wouldn't know.
I only got here yesterday.
I wouldn't be surprised if she did it.
Mrs.
Drake? Mm.
I suppose she would inherit the club, but she seems such a nice lady.
Nice? Lucretia Borgia in furs.
Confidentially and, I mean, this is just between you and me she's having an affair with Mike.
Mike.
Michelle.
The female impersonator? Oh.
What a phony.
And nobody's supposed to know this, but Mike was trying to buy the club from Mr.
Drake.
Can you believe that? And behind his back, he and Mrs.
D.
Are slipping off to Lake Tahoe.
But I thought Ohh.
Now, don't ever say you heard this from me, but I wouldn't put it past Bill Patterson to kill 'im.
Oh.
Mr.
York's agent.
Uh-huh.
Why would he The contract.
See, not many people know this, but Mr.
Drake had Freddy under a seven-year contract, and recently, big offers were coming in for Freddy.
I am talking about megabucks.
Except that Mr.
Drake wouldn't let him out of the contract.
Stop at the top of the hill.
Thanks for the lift.
And don't worry.
I won't say a word about what you've told me.
It is so nice to talk to someone who knows how to be discreet.
Thinking ofbuying it or merelyjumping? You kept me waiting.
Is this a sign of things to come? Mike, if we're gonna bicker like an old married couple, let's do it over something important, huh? Is it something I said? No.
It's the way you said it.
You know, I'm not used to being summoned.
Oh, darling, don't pout.
It was merely a request, pure and simple.
I thought we should get our stories straight for that Mrs.
Fletcher.
She is determined to get Howard off the hook by putting someone else on.
Well, surely not me? Nor me! I mean, no reasonable person could assume for one moment that I had anything to do with Al's death.
No.
Other than the fact that you despised the man and that you were talking to a lawyer about divorce proceedings.
And naturally, you didn't care that he reneged on his promise to sell you the club? So here we are.
We both got rid of Al.
Yep.
You have the club and all of his money, and I have you.
A fortuitous turn of events.
Couldn't have worked out better if we'd planned it.
Which of course we didn't Well Darling, is there something I should know just for my own peace of mind? Funny, Mike.
I was about to ask you the same question.
You know, if you did kill him, it wouldn't make any difference.
I'd still feel the same way about you.
My very thought about you, Candice.
Oh, Mike, you don't know how much better I feel now that we've talked.
Me too, darling.
Mike Michelle was backstage getting ready to go on.
Of course, Barbara And I sent Felix backstage at once.
Yeah, but you're sure about Patterson and Mrs.
Drake? They were out front? Everybody saw them.
Right.
Lieutenant? Oh, I'm so glad I caught you.
Any result on the nitric acid test? Uh, it was negative, Mrs.
Fletcher.
Oh, negative.
That means he didn't fire the gun.
Well, maybe he was wearing gloves.
Well, if he'd worn gloves, his fingerprints wouldn't have been all over the gun.
You can't have it both ways, Lieutenant.
Incidentally, have you noticed how many people around this club are wearing gloves? No, but I'm sure you've got a list.
Also, I'm not sure about the time of death.
Now, that's one thing I am sure of.
Oh, you mean your theory that the shot was masked by Freddy York's drum act? Mm.
Well, can you prove that scientifically? How would you do that, Mrs.
Fletcher? Did you hear that? Yes, Mrs.
Fletcher, I heard it.
Well, uh, let's try it with music.
Now, let's just pretend one of the girls is dancing.
Once again, please, Charlie! Oh, dear.
I heard that.
We all heard it, Mrs.
Fletcher.
With the door closed.
With the door open.
With music.
Even with a Mummer's Parade going across the stage.
Face it, Mrs.
Fletcher.
The shot would have been heard except during York's act, when York was playing the drums on the stage.
Yes, I suppose that is the only plausible explanation.
Oh, thank you, Mrs.
Fletcher.
I'm so happy to see that you're satisfied.
- Now, if you'll excuse me - Hey, Lieutenant.
Wait a minute.
I mean, what the hell is going on here? A detective audition? What's this lady trying to suggest? That one of us killed Drake? - Are you all right, Mrs.
Fletcher? - Oh, yes.
Ohh.
Ohh.
Oh, dear.
I woke you up.
Yeah.
Well, when I work all night, I sleep a little during the day, or at least I try to.
I'd like to talk to you about Howard.
You didn't come up here and wake me up to tell me we're holding the wrong man? You already know we are.
Uh, I made some coffee.
You want some? Oh, thank you.
What a pretty cat.
What's her name? George.
Oh, she likes you.
Most people, she hates.
Oh, that's the impression I got about you.
Aha.
Well, that's my office persona.
Well, it just goes to show you can't go by first impressions.
Uh, Mrs.
Fletcher, you're a nice lady, but, uh, I think you're making a big mistake.
- Howard Griffin is guilty.
- Oh, for heaven's sakes.
There were at least four people who had better motives than Howard.
For instance, Mrs.
Drake.
Yes.
She gets the business.
I know.
Freddy York and his agent, Bill Patterson, trying to break Freddy's long-term contract.
I know, Mrs.
Fletcher.
I read the Chronicle.
I suppose you know that Michael Dupont wanted to buy the club.
- Yes.
- And that Michael and Mrs.
Drake were having an affair? Mrs.
Fletcher, you're a bright gal.
You would've been a great cop.
But look.
This is the real world, so please just leave the police work to us.
The last thing in the world I want to do is interfere, Lieutenant.
But that's not what I'm worried about.
Look, we took some lab tests.
The rope that was holding the stage light was eaten through by acid.
It was not an accident.
Oh, dear.
- Somebody wanted to kill Mr.
York.
- Maybe.
Or it could've been meant to hit somebody else.
I don't know how to thank you, Mrs.
Fletcher.
Well, just so you know, if you jump bail, the State of California has an option on my next four books.
And the name is Jessica.
And I really appreciate the suit, Jessica.
Well, I think it made a better impression on the judge.
Let's call Vicky and celebrate.
I think that's a bit premature.
Howard, did you see Mrs.
Drake backstage during Freddy York's act? No.
You're sure? I'm positive, but I did see her comin' in the stage door just before I went on.
Howard, I think that you should take Vicky to lunch yourself, and I'll take a rain check.
Wh Where are you goin'? Oh! Good shot! Oh, my! What a nice dog! What's his name? Fritz, but be careful.
He's had attack training.
That's a very attractive outfit.
I've never seen it done in black.
I'm in mourning, Mrs.
Fletcher.
- You know me? - By now, everyone at the club knows you.
Do please accept my condolences.
Your husband's death must have been a terrible shock.
Yes.
We were very close.
Then I suppose you must have talked to him shortly before the tragic event? No.
I didn't see him.
I arrived during Freddy's act.
Strange.
Someone said they saw you come in the stage door earlier.
They were wrong.
Let me set you straight, lady.
I didn't kill my husband.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Did I suggest that? Look, if you insist on sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, then check on Freddy York and that bloodsucking agent of his.
- Oh, yes.
The contract with the club.
- Not the club.
With Al.
A personal services contract, which is now null and void.
That's right.
I went to the hospital today to bring Freddy flowers, and do you know what he did? He gave me notice.
Then he's well enough to receive visitors.
How nice.
Las Vegas.
Atlantic City! Hollywood! Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
First and foremost, to Al Drake.
I never thought I'd see the day when I'd be drinking to Al Drake.
Oh, am I interrupting? Not at all.
Mrs.
Fletcher, come on in.
Come on in.
How about a bit of the bubbly? Oh, no, no.
Thank you.
Oh, you're looking so much better, Mr.
York.
Well, thank you.
I've been thinking Lourdes.
You met my manager, Bill Patterson.
Oh, yes.
The lady seems to know just about everybody.
Well, what is it this time, Mrs.
Fletcher? Oh, just wanted to wish Mr.
York a speedy recovery and, uh 'And"? And what? Just ask a few more questions, like did I murder Al Drake? The answer is no.
Did Freddy murder Al Drake? The answer is no.
Bill, Bill, take it easy.
It's okay.
I know you're a mystery writer, but I'll tell ya: You're making a fool of yourself.
Why don't you get back to Nantucket? Maine.
Whatever.
My client was onstage when Drake was killed.
As a matter of fact, somebody tried to kill him with a stage light.
Isn't that curious? Michelle Dupont is sure that someone wanted to drop it on him, and Lieutenant Novak thinks they were trying to kill me, and now you think it was meant for Mr.
York.
It is a bit of a puzzler, isn't it? I'm sorry, Vicky.
I think we oughta postpone the wedding.
I thought marriage was supposed to be for better or worse.
That's afterwards.
Darling, I just can't ask you to tie yourself to me with all this hanging over my head.
But you're innocent.
I don't have a job! I don't care.
AuntJessica, tell her.
What do you think, AuntJessica? I think Noah is building his ark in there.
Darlings, I am going to fall on my face unless I go to sleep.
Won't that noise disturb you? Right now, I could sleep through Armageddon.
Now, listen to me, children.
We are going to get to the bottom of this.
I promise you.
There's something I am overlooking.
I just know there is.
But I think it'll come to me if I have a good sleep.
Okay.
We'll talk later.
Of course! It suddenly came to me: The feather.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
- What came to you? - Drake wasn't shot during Freddy York's act.
- Oh, Mrs.
Fletcher, as I recall, we scientific - The killer used a silencer.
They don't make silencers for that gun.
Remember the feather we found on Mr.
Drake's jacket? Yes.
It came from the bird.
No.
Whoever killed Drake used a pillow to muffle the sound of the shot.
- That's why nobody heard it.
- Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
If what you say is true, he could've been shot before Freddy went on the stage.
Exactly.
There's no bullet hole in this pillow.
But this pillow was not in this room when we discovered the body.
Mrs.
Fletcher, please.
Wait, wait, wait.
Don't take my word for it.
Look.
No pillow.
These are police photographs.
Where did you get them? Your partner, Charlie.
You know, he's really a very nice man.
Then someone put this pillow in here after the investigation.
Because Drake's pillow was damaged by the shot.
So the murderer had to get rid of it.
But the murderer was afraid that someone would notice that Drake's pillow was gone, so he put this one there to cover his tracks.
I don't know if you've noticed, but the settees in all the dressing rooms match.
Probably a bulk purchase.
Lieutenant, would you help me to demonstrate something? Please stand right there.
Would you mind telling me what this is all about? It's very important that you don't move.
You haven't moved, have you? I haven't moved.
What were you trying to do? Kill me? Aha! You moved.
- Of course I did! - You heard it descending.
I'm not deaf.
Well, neither was Freddy York.
That was great.
That was I really enjoyed that, you know? You're quite a performer.
You should get yourself a Guild card.
I didn't expect to find you here, Mr.
York.
Well, I heal fast.
You see, I got good genes.
That was very theatrical, diving off the stage when you didn't have to.
Well, it seems to me all you proved is that I could've staged the falling lights.
That doesn't mean I had anything to do with what happened to Al Drake.
You know what? I'd like to stay around and talk, but I gotta fly to Vegas.
I hope my arms don't get tired.
You're beautiful.
I'll see ya.
Will you lighten up? I mean, you both know I was onstage when Drake got hit.
Yeah, but the lady here thinks you shot him before you went on stage.
I think you used Mr.
Drake's pillow to muffle the shot.
Then you removed your fingerprints from the gun, got rid of the pillow and went on stage.
Who writes your material? I mean, who writes this stuff? Your punch lines just don't work.
I think you made one very serious mistake.
I don't have time for this.
I have a plane to catch.
You were afraid that someone would notice that the pillow was gone from Mr.
Drake's room and that they would figure out what had happened.
So you brought in the pillow from your room.
Everybody Everybody in this place has got a pillow just like that.
No.
This is your pillow.
It's the only one that is sun-faded, like the settee, because yours is the only one that is sitting right next to the window.
It's my luck.
It's my dumb luck.
Half the people in this club wanted Drake dead, and your niece's boyfriend's gotta get tagged for it.
I knew you were trouble as soon as I saw you.
What was I gonna do? Spend the rest of my life workin'in this rinky-dink club? You ever try to tell jokes when someone's got their hands on your throat? Surely murder isn't the answer.
Yeah, well, you call it murder.
I call it a career move.
Look at me.
What do you see? I'm not just another comedian.
I'm Freddy York.
I'm the first guy that did his own rim shots.
I'm like the Edison of comedy.
I'm Robert Fulton on the drums.
So Al Drake sees me one night.
He says, "Kid, you're good.
Here's a long-term contract.
It's your shot, your big break.
" He broke my spirit.
That man broke my heart.
I couldn't let him do that.
I'm a creative genius.
Fair is fair.
He gave me a shot.
I gave him a shot.
Ba-dum-bum.
Should've shoved you under that stage light.
- Why did you rig that? - Why don't you ask her? I think Mr.
York was afraid the charges against Howard would be dropped.
They weren't strong enough, so he thought perhaps another murder attempt, particularly against himself, would point to someone else.
Boy, you are good.
I mean, you are really, really good.
You ever think of taking your act on the road? You should play Vegas.
That reminds me.
I better cancel my tickets.
Doesn't look like I'm gonna be goin'.
It's too bad.
I could've knocked 'em dead.
I'm sure you would have.
By the power vested in me by the State of California, I now pronounce you man and wife.
Oh, congratulations.
Thank you.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
Howard, that's wonderful.
I'm sorry about all the problems.
No problem.
- Howard, we're gonna miss you at the club.
You got a lot of talent, buddy.
- Oh, thanks, but I've got a new job lined up, sellin' real estate.
Yes, with just enough time for a honeymoon in Hawaii, thanks to AuntJessica.
- Ah.
- Howard.
Howard.
I got big news for ya, baby.
I've been on the phone for an hour.
I got you a job.
- No way, Bill.
I'm not wearing any more dresses.
- Forget the dresses.
This is an acting job.
Two days a week on a soap.
It's in Hollywood.
Starts on Monday.
- Monday? - What happened with real estate? - And what about Hawaii? - Well, we'll just have to forget about that.
This is what Howard has always wanted and that's what we're gonna do.
What do you think, AuntJessica? Well, I don't usually give advice, but in this case, I say go for it.