My Place (2009) s01e02 Episode Script

1998 Mohammed

(INTRIGUING PIANO AND CELLO MUSIC) I'm a witch.
Brrrmmmm! I am the magician! I'm not weird.
You're gonna get in so much trouble! (LAUGHTER) GIRL: Oooh! (GIRL SQUEALS) Howzat! (IMAGINARY CROWD CHEERS) My name is Mohammed, and this is my place.
WOMAN: Mohammed! (FUNKY S YNTH POP) WOMAN: Mohammed! (DOG BARKS) WOMAN: Mohammed! I'm coming! Gran.
Darling.
Girls! WOMAN: Mohammed! Yeah, I heard you the first time.
Shane Warne is here, please.
Don't drop Shane, Mum! Well, take him yourself.
You OK, Shane? Emma, box! Box! Make way for Shane! Coming through! GRAN: How's that? GIRL: Great.
But a little crooked.
Long trip, Warney, and you did good.
I know you liked Lakemba, but Dad says here's alright.
But you can play anywhere, can't you, Shane? 'Cause you're the best leg-spin bowler in the world.
GRAN: Until our little Mohammed came along.
Any time you want to talk cricket, my gorgeous boy, you just call me up and I'll be over in a flash.
Mmm.
Omar! Ramadan starts tomorrow.
I want to get as much food in me as I can.
Ramadars not a joke, Omar.
This is the month when the Koran was first discovered by the prophet Mohammed.
Him?! OMAR: Yeah, that's it.
It's your fault, son.
We're all fasting because of you.
But anyway, it's only from dawn till sunset, so it's not like you're going to starve.
I want to do it.
Well, that's very sweet, Mohammed, but you're still a child.
Wait until you're a bit older.
I don't wanna wait.
I want to do it now.
What are you doing? Well, he's not gonna eat it, is he? You can't just take his food! (ALL LAUGH) Watch out.
Hide it! Hide it! Hey.
You're new.
Freaking out? Sultana? Can't.
Why not? I'm fully Ramadan.
What's that? See ya.
Isn't he ugly? Brian Hilliard, the captain of the boys' cricket team.
He thinks he's so hot, but I think he looks like Chewbacca.
I like Chewbacca.
He's loyal.
Yeah, probably being a bit hard on Chewy there.
But he can really bat.
He's a genuine number three, always looking to score and really hard to dismiss.
Do you reckon they'd let me play? (LAUGHS) You're a maniac.
Why not? Mmm, you could ask.
But I'd wear a stackhat.
Beat that! (BELL RINGS) GIRL: See ya.
BO Y: See ya tomorrow.
See ya! Hey, new guy.
Hey, stalker girl.
I'm just trying to be welcoming.
Whatever.
You play cricket? No, I just carry this to look cool.
Cool.
I play cricket.
Thought so.
But the girls don't have a team.
Only the boys have a team.
And I can't play in the boys' team because I'm a girl, which is so discriminated.
What? It's fully discriminated.
Yeah.
Fully.
Tryouts for the boys team are tomorrow, and I can't try out, even though I'm the only genuine all-rounder the school has.
Tryouts are tomorrow? Yeah.
Wish I was you.
Why? 'Cause then I could try out, silly.
And then Danielle said the tryouts are tomorrow for the schoolboys' side.
Mmm.
WOMAN: You know, the last people that were here were very strange.
They played Vietnamese hippy music till all hours.
We'll make sure that we play our music very softly.
Good.
Fair enough.
3:30! Dad! 3:30 tomorrow! GRAN: Might have to make the boy some lunch if he's got tryouts at 3:30.
He won't mind, will he? Mum! You right, Michaelis? Yep.
You, Omar? Dad, can I try out, please? Mohammed, out of the way! Do you bat or bowl, son? I'm a leg-spin bowler.
Ohh! Like Shane Warne, he is.
I won the bowling aggregate for Lakemba five years in a row.
I was Lakemba's best bowler.
Lakemba Cricket didn't have one decent batsman.
Wogs play soccer.
Hey! Watch what you're saying, mate! Mate, you make a mean moussaka, but cricket? Come on! This wog opened the batting for Kogarah 2nds, huh? You got a bat to go with this ball? You get me out first ball, I'll give you the first month rent-free, eh? (LAUGHS) Yeah.
Grandma, mid-on.
You two on the boundary.
Walk in with the bowler! Is it Christmas yet? Yeah, hurry up, son.
Yalla.
Get ready to fetch, Mohammed.
(CHUCKLES) Oh! Whoa! Catch! Catch it! Don't you drop it, Emma! Catch it, Mum! Come on! Come on! Oh, far out, Mum! OMAR: Emma, eyes on the ball! Bad luck, Warney! (LAUGHS) Mum, he's running two! MOHAMMED: Mum, come on! (GROANS) MOHAMMED: A spin bowler is only as good as his fielders, and that day was a big lesson for me - never put your mum at mid-wicket.
(IMAGINARY CROWD ROARS) No, get in behind it, Hamish Samuels.
If you back away, the ball will chase you.
Greg.
Danielle, I've told you, love, this is the boys' side.
And, Greg, I've told you that you're sexist.
So why are we here doing it all again? This is my friend, Mohammed.
He's a leg spinner.
And, get this, he's an actual boy.
You want to try out, son? Yes, I would very much like to, please.
Well, that's a shame, Mohammed, 'cause the team's full.
Yeah, team's full, Mohammed.
But these are the tryouts, aren't they? Yep.
So, can I try out? Look, mate, you can't just stroll in here willy-nilly and expect to start.
These kids have been with the side since the under-6s.
Under 6s.
You're a knob, Hilliard.
What'd you call me? Six balls, Mr Hilliard, is all I ask.
If you don't think I'm good enough after six balls, I'll go home.
Ahh! Six balls in the net.
Bye-bye, Moo hammed! Hey! What're you gonna do, hit a girl? Well, I would! Pad up, son.
What? I said, pad up.
You want six balls in the net, then face six balls from our Bin Thai over there.
But I'm a spin bowler.
We got no room for specialty spinners in the side, Mo.
We need all-rounders.
But I'm an all-rounder! An all-round chick.
Pad up, or file out.
Your call.
Hey, you get bat on ball three times, you're in.
Wide! That was too wide.
Too fast, that's what that was.
(LAUGHS) One! Great play, Mohammed! Nice cover drive.
See that, Greggy? Wide! (GREG LAUGHS) Wide! Wide, wide, wide! And over! You only got bat on ball once.
But, Greg, he just bowled three wides in a row.
Wide of off stump is the perfect place to play your strokes.
Not 1 0 foot outside off! Thanks, Mohammed.
Yeah, don't call us, we'll call you.
Unbelievable.
It's fully corrupt.
Greg Hilliard just picks his son and his sors mates.
Or his own mates' sons.
That's it! Hey, I've got an idea.
What? Kill Greg and Brian Hilliard? Play for the girls' team.
I thought you said the girls don't have a team.
Well, we have a practice team.
A what? We train on Tuesdays, and on Thursdays we have a practice game against ourselves.
Against yourselves? You would be heaps welcome.
I was the best bowler in Lakemba.
I'm just saying Well, don't.
Havert you got your own life? Far out! Why are you being so angry? I'm not angry! Yeah, you are.
You're angry and hungry 'cause of that stupid diet.
Go home! Mohammed, go on.
Eat up.
Not hungry.
Mohammed, you must be hungry.
I knew he shouldn't be doing Ramadan.
He's not strong enough yet.
What are you doing? (SNIFFS) Darling, if you don't want to do Ramadan anymore, you don't have to, OK? No-one's pressuring you.
I hate it here.
Oh, honey.
Ramadan is about trying not to say and do the naughty things we do in everyday life.
What would you know about it? You're not even a proper Muslim! Eat up, Shane.
(KNOCKS) What? Hi.
I've got a present for you.
Fast Wheels, they call them.
We found them in the roof.
Someone must have left them there.
20 years ago, you'd get them in a packet of cereal.
(SARCASTICALLY) Wow.
Look here, you.
In my day there wasrt a girls' cricket team, OK? So you just count yourself lucky.
They're not a proper team.
They play cricket, don't they? I don't want your stupid old advice! You like cars, don't you, Shane? Mohammed, catch it! Mohammed, catch it! (GROANS) Catches win matches, Moo-hammed! You OK? Yeah, I'm fine.
You want to bowl? Of course.
You're next, then.
Watch out for Katrina, big girl on strike.
She's deadly.
Hey, Moo-hammed, where's your skirt? (ALL LAUGH) It's alright.
Bit of a loosener.
I feel dizzy.
What? I can't see straight.
Far out.
OK, I'll go get a Popper from my esky.
No, I can't.
Can't what? I can't have anything till sunset.
If you don't eat, you'll faint.
Yeah.
Have this, then.
That's disgusting.
It's only me.
No way.
Suit yourself.
Hey, Mohammed! Let's see if you can get more hammered! (ALL CHANT) More hammered! More hammered! More hammered! (BO YS CONTINUE CHANTING) More hammered! More hammered! Can I sit here? Thought you couldn't eat till the sun was down.
Suppose that's OK.
Want some? Hey, so, Brian Hilliard was at the game today.
Yeah.
I saw him.
You know why he was at the game? To see me bowl pies? Yeah, but also because the schoolboys' team got picked to play St Patricks Sutherland this weekend.
Whoopee.
Coach Hilliard wants them to play a hit-out game against the girls' team, for practice.
Brian asked if we'd be keen.
What'd you say? I said I'd talk to my players about it.
What'd they say? I've only just told them.
You're a really nice person, Danielle, but I'm not a girl.
Why don't you play soccer? It's the fastest-growing game in the world.
I'm not so sure about that.
Mohammed, what do you reckon about soccer? I'm not good with my feet.
Play goalie.
Goalie? Yeah.
I used to play goalie in Lebanon.
Would you teach me? Yeah.
I'd love to.
You see, Mohammed? Things are looking up for you here, yeah? OMAR: Mmm.
EMMA: Can I have a piece, please? (CROWD SHOUTS FAINTLY IN THE DISTANCE) Come and sit down.
(MUTES THE TV) Next to me.
The ball of the century.
Gran, I've watched this a thousand times.
Old Trafford.
1 993.
Yeah.
Ashes Test Series, his first ball against England.
(SARCASTICALLY) No, really? (SOUND ON TV RETURNS) (CROWD CHEERS) (LAUGHS) Gatting has absolutely no idea where that one's gone, eh? Alright, let's assess this in slo-mo.
Now, after a run up of just a few paces, Warne delivers a standard leg break to the right-handed Gatting.
See there? How the ball initially travels straight down the pitch towards the batsman, but it's spinning so rapidly that the cricket ball drifts to the right.
Due to the Magnus effect.
Exactly, my friend.
You see? Gatting responds by thrusting his left pad at it.
But? But it's spinning more than expected.
Sure does.
It spins so much that it passes Gatting's pad, then the outside edge of his bat Clipping the top of his off-stump, dislodging the bails and making Shane Warne's first ball to England BOTH: the ball of the century! BOTH: Yes! OK, girls, let's build an innings! (ALL CHEER) Howzat! (ALL CHEER) (ALL CHEER) Well, look who's here.
How you feeling? Good, yeah.
(ALL LAUGH) Freak.
There he is.
Oh, there he is! Let's go.
Two! Yalla, Mohammed! Great shot, Mohammed! Great running, Danielle! (FAMILY SHOUTS) Go, Mohammed! (ALL CHEER) OMAR: Come on! (ALL CHEER) (OMINOUS MUSIC) Come on, throw it back! (BOOM!) Over.
We need wickets.
Yeah.
Can you put it on the spot? I know I can.
We can't afford anything short.
I'll put it on the spot.
Set your field.
Are you happy with that, Mohammed, or should we put some more girls on the boundary? Nuh.
OK.
(BO YS CHANT) More hammered! More hammered! More hammered! (BO YS CONTINUE CHANTING) (FAINT, ECHOING RUMBLE) (GROWLS) (BO YS CONTINUE CHANTING) More hammered! More hammered! (ALL CHEER) Yes! (ALL CHEER) Go, Mohammed! Mohammed! Whoo-hoo! (ALL CHANT) Mohammed! Mohammed! Mohammed! (ALL STOP CHANTING) How'd you do that? Ramadan.
Who's Ramadan? He's a Pakistani off-spinner.
Oh, yeah.
No, he's not.
He's strength.
(ALL CHANT) Mohammed! Mohammed! Mohammed! Embarrassment, you are.
(ALL CHEER) In all my hits MOHAMMED: The next day at school, Greg Hilliard asked me if I'd like to play in the boys' team against St Patricks.
I said yes, but only if Danielle could play too.
(INTRIGUING MUSIC) (GIRLS LAUGH) Wait for me! GIRL: It's just like heaven.
(GIRL SQUEALS) Duck for cover! Cover!
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