My So-Called Life s01e02 Episode Script

To journey beyond the reaches of our solar system to the closest star,,, would mean travellng the dlstance of more than flve trllllon mlles, Yet the dlmenslons of the cosmos are so unlmaglnably vast,,, unlts of measurement become,,, l've been klssed three tlmes, No, four tlmes, No, three tlmes, All of them were people l never saw agaln,,, whlch l hope doesn't mean somethlng, One was thls counselor at thls YM C A camp, Except he already had a glrlfrlend, ,,, under all thls pressure,,, the lnner core of the star now lmplodes vlolently,,, produclng an exploslon of unparalleled lntenslty, One was thls usher at my mother's cousln's weddlng two years ago, The weddlng was ln Mllwaukee, We stayed over at a motor lodge wlth a heated pool, lt was a double rlng ceremony, He was starlng at me all through the ceremony, Later,,, l found out he only klssed me because he had lost a bet, The thlrd klss ls the hardest to descrlbe, lt was thls guy l met on the beach last summer, lt was Labor Day, lt was the day l swam out too far, That was the most excltlng one,,, except lt may not count as an actual klss,,, slnce l was klnd of unconsclous, l've never had an actual boyfrlend, l don't know lf that's normal or not, - You know that girl Dana? - Dana Odinger? Dana.
Hey! She has hair tails, and three little studs in each ear.
She used to wear her eyeliner pointy and now she wears it smudged.
And her feet are perfect, small with a really high arch.
- So, what about her? - Nothing, she just annoys me.
Her lips are so puffed out it's like she siliconed them.
Really? Do you think she did? You think she siliconed her lips, really? Angela, he's gone.
You can talk like a normal person.
Oh, God.
You have to progress to the next phase.
Think of Rickie and me.
How much more can we take? l just don't want to look like l'm throwing myself at him.
Excuse me, people throwing themselves at people is like the basis of civilization.
She has a point.
lf Jordan Catalano ls nearby, my entlre body knows lt, Llke one of those dogs that polnt, l'll keep talklng and stuff,,, but my mlnd won't even know what l'm saylng, l keep wonderlng lf there's a term for thls, Okay, now before we cut our hearts open People, it's a pig heart.
Students opposed to the practice of vivisection may do research at the library instead, but you must put this belief in writing.
Now, to review, an experiment must test a what? A hypothesis.
And a hypothesis consists of severalanybody? Several assumptions.
And true experimentation depends uponguys? Precision, observation, and clear concise communication.
What? l said, l'm leaving now, so - l guess l don't rate a kiss anymore.
- Wait, what? Nothing.
lt's just you don't kiss me goodbye in the mornings anymore.
Patty, we'll be seeing each other in forty minutes.
J ust because we're working together now that's no reason to stop-- l mean, this isn't the time to start anything.
Oh, l'm sorry, l forgot, a kiss must result in intercourse.
Well, it's a law in this state.
There can be no kissing for kissing's sake a kiss must lead somewhere.
Where did they drill that into you? Was it shop class? l can't believe it.
l swore l would never fight with you again this early in the morning.
This isn't a fight, it's goodbye.
What are the elements of a true experiment? And what sort of activity is an experiment? lt's a purposeful activity, designed to solve a what? A particular problem.
How much money did you lose? None.
So, Catalano.
So, Tino says you can get my girlfriend a fake l D.
So? So could Tino.
Oh yeah, see, he does me so many favors l feel like l'm wearing him thin.
Kind of with that out of state look? Like from Georgia or something? My girlfriend really needs one.
Angela? - lt's like an emergency.
- Why doesn't she ask for herself? That's a long story.
She'sFrench! She's from France.
Get out of here.
Seriously.
And with certain words she'll like forget how to pronounce them, or something.
lt's like a mental block type of thing.
- That girl l see you with - Angela.
Chase.
ls French? She was born there, l mean she hasn't lived there in quite a while.
She's a U S citizen and all.
What kind of l D? Okay, important.
l need to see the hands of those handing in their extra credit experiments on Friday.
Okay, J ustin, Sonya.
Angela! Angela! M ichael are you and Sonya working together? Come here! Okay, so that's Jeremy Charlotte, Tiffany Sean, Yvette Leander Sharon Shane andBrian? - What happened to your lab partner? - She almost fainted.
So And your extra credit project is? Controlled release of energy.
Construction and use of a volumeter.
ls that something you worked on alone or with Angela? With Angela.
Okay, people? Your hearts must be clearly labeled before returning them to the cart.
Please do not drip.
What? Like Angela really helped you with your volumeter? She's planning to.
Look l mean, why would l say it if it wasn't true? Why would you say she was fainting? Okay, what was that? l mean, some of us actually work, you know? We don't just expect extra credit because our lab partner is smart.
She takes advantage of you, and you totally let her.
l pity you.
Oh, my God Hey, l did it for you.
lt's a good thing.
- lt's a definite good thing.
- Wait, you were there, too? No, but she told me the whole thing.
l bet people can actually die of embarrassment l bet it's been medically proven.
Worst case, you get an out of state l D, which you need anyway.
J ust wait.
- Tell me everything he said.
- You will definitely thank me.
lt's truel mean from what she told me, which was everything.
- You should be thanking me right now.
- God, let's stop talking about this.
So, how did he act? Did he act bored, or He flopped on the floor, uncontrollably, okay? - Rickie had to hold down his tongue - And l wasn't even there.
Hey, Chase! What l dread, ls when people who know you,,, ln completely dlfferent ways end up ln the same area, Thanks for leaving me a whole heart to clean up.
And you have to develop thls comblnatlon you, on the spot, So Chavatal, she thinks we're both working on my volumeter.
H is what? lt's this experiment.
There's like a mouse involved.
What's your name again? So you think that's fair? l mean l do all the work and you just - l never said l was doing it.
- She's giving you credit, so Look, l already executed the entire apparatus The apparatus So, l think the least you can do, is just help me work on it.
Tomorrow night.
Because He wants you to work on his apparatus.
J ust shut up, okay? - What would your parents say? - They are out of town, which is - Which has nothing to do - She'll be there.
- Rayanne! - What? - Rayanne! - What? This is perfect.
- As what? - Excuse me, what is a volumeter? As a place to bring Jordan Catalano.
Are you crazy? Were you raised in a satanic cult? She wishes.
Jordan Catalano? At Brian Krakow's house? lt's like against nature or something.
So? Chase! Are you going to help me or not? - Yes or no? - Oh God.
Yes.
The plan iswait, what's the plan? You are going to so love having a fake l D.
l collect them.
l'm a victim.
Okay, the plan.
You go to what's his name's to help him with his - Volume thing.
- Right! Meanwhile, Rickie and l, and Jordan Catalano will procure you an l D.
Which we will then bring back to what's his name's.
Where you and Jordan Catalano will then be.
But in my humble opinion, he's Jordan Catalano.
He's not going to do any of this.
Sharon refuses to come in.
Okay, what's the deal? You tell me.
All Sharon will say is that Angela's been acting distant so then she called her on it in the girls' room one day and they both cried.
Ever since, they've kind of avoided each other and that's all l know.
That's a miniseries compared to what l know.
Hey Cherski.
So, by the way, Chase is coming over tomorrow night to, you know, compile data.
- So? - So, she's coming over.
So, to help me.
- That obviously proves that-- - What? That you were obviously wrong about the whole situation.
Right.
l was wrong Krakow.
J ust keep telling yourself that.
Remember when we stopped speaking? Yes.
Because you told everybody l made out with M itchell Moscarelli behind the duck pond.
You did make out with M itchell Moscarelli.
But not behind the duck pond.
Thanks.
l don't know, l probably just put this in my closet.
Should l cut my hair short? l can't take this.
l feel sick.
Look, l was there.
And l was practically there from hearing it so many times.
And he is definitely semi- interested.
- So you think he - l think part of him is partly interested in you.
Definitely.
l mean, he's got other things on his mind.
But that's the part that's so unfair.
l have nothing else on my mind.
How come l have to be the one sitting around analy zing him in microscopic detail and he gets to be the one with other things on his mind.
That is deep.
lt's this working together.
lt's pushing us apart.
God, that sounds like a Redbook article.
Listen, if you've got to cut it, cut it.
You know? But let's face it, men like long hair.
Who cares what they like.
But they supposedly like variety, don't they? They like long hair, and they like for you to wear red.
Yes, but don't they supposedly like it if you show up looking different? Oh, God.
Shoot me will you? Look.
Your Cinderella.
l remember when your dad gave you this.
l was so jealous.
l was 1 2.
And you were 1 1.
And l wore my hair exactly like this.
Look, they say if you want to put the romance back in your marriage-- No, l hate that expression.
Like romance is this thing you misplace like an earring.
And all that stuff they tell you to do.
Put rose petals on his pillow.
Oh, l will.
Let me just empty this kitty litter l'll be right with you.
Wear satin panties.
Like my dry- cleaning bill isn't frightening enough.
Force your husband into a car and don't tell him where you're going.
l do that every other weekend it's called visiting my parents.
Didn't Jane Seymour write a book about that? Yes.
And now she's divorced.
But she's remarried.
She's that medicine woman.
And is her hair long or short? She's got a new show, new husband, and probably all new children.
Listen, Andy and l have been doing this thing it's kind of embarrassing, but it's really fun.
And you get to be with other people.
And it really puts you in the mood.
ls it legal? The only catch is that you have to wear heels.
- Ballroom dancing? - Camille says it's a lot of fun.
Camille thinks Velcro is fun.
Velcro really is pretty amazing, don't you think? Neil, pass the pasta.
- What's the magic word? - Pasta.
No, that's the magic carbohydrate.
What's the magic word? Neil! Nell ls my father's younger brother, He lsn't marrled, Whenever he comes to dlnner my parents glve hlm all these leftovers,,, to take home, llke they don't have food where he llves, l know that ballroom dancing doesn't sound like something we would normally do.
lt sounds like something no one would normally do.
- lt does.
lt sounds made up.
- That's exactly what l was thinking! Doesn't it? lt's completely made up.
There's no such thing.
l'm thinking of getting my hair cut.
Short.
- No, Mom, don't.
- We like your hair how it is.
Mom, just because l changed my hair doesn't mean you should.
What do you think? Short, like H illary Clinton? Forget it.
You know, H illary Clinton is a brilliant woman and people should stop judging her by her hair.
Who's judging her? l think she looks great.
l mean, don't you think H illary Clinton looks great? She should wear more red.
lt's over, me and Marla, there's still a connection, l mean we still see each other sometimes, and once in a while we still have sex.
Sounds like my marriage.
J ust kidding.
l screwed up.
l just can't l don'tOh boy l mean l envy what you have with Patty.
- Patty and l have our problems.
- Yeah.
Sure you do You do? l mean, it's only normal that things can't always be lt's just not realistic.
Not that l'm not, you know, happy.
What, are you kidding me? You and Patty? You're the happiest couple l know.
No question.
l know.
Honey, no.
We've discussed this.
lt's a school night.
Mom, l'll be right across the street.
l think we should try that ballroom dancing thing.
Really? You really want to because l don't want to make-- - l said l want to.
- Well, great.
Mom.
Mom? Maybe Neil could stay with Danielle and Angela told Brian Krakow that she would help him with some kind of science experiment tomorrow night.
Apparently there's a mouse involved.
Can't they bring the mouse here? l don't think she wants Danielle around from the look on her face.
l think she has a crush.
- On Brian Krakow? - She could do a lot worse.
- l like Brian don't you? - U ntil a few seconds ago.
Mom, can l go? Mom.
Mom, stop singing.
l know, l'm not allowed to sing, l'm not allowed to dance.
- Amish mom.
- Can l go to Brian's yes or no? J ust be back by 9: 30.
So, wait, seriously, should l? Cut my hair.
l mean, pretend l'm not your mom.
Mom.
l can't pretend that.
Once again, an experiment can be termed successful if what? lf the experlment ylelds meanlngful results, The thought that l mlght be seelng Jordan Catalano ln a few hours,,, was llke, lmposslble to comprehend, Llke when they flrst tell you about lnflnlty, l couldn't belleve how long lt had been,,, slnce l had been lnslde Brlan Krakow's house, Conslderlng how many hours l spent here when l was llttle, lt smelled exactly the same whlch was reassurlng, and annoylng, Sort of llke Brlan hlmself, That mouse can breathe, right? lt's measuring heat and energy.
lf it couldn't breathe then This clamp is coming loose.
Listen, Rayanne Graff and Rickie Vasquez might be coming over for a minute, just to bring me something.
l knew you wouldn't be much help.
- H i.
l hope l'm not late.
- No.
No, you're That's our instructor, she just H i! So, what do you think? - lt's short.
- Yes, it is.
lt shows your ears more.
M r.
and M rs.
Chase? lt's show time.
So.
Thanks.
So - Angela's got the money - Right.
So Wait here, we'll send her out.
Oh, l almost forgot, Tino Yeah.
Didn't he say that Yeah.
See, l mentioned that you'd be dropping us and he said tell Catalano l'll meet him there, l got something l want to tell him.
About Frozen Embryos? - What's that? - J ust this band we might form.
- Yeah, l think that was-- - l think that was it.
Slow, slow, quick, quick.
Slow, slow, quick, quick.
Okay.
Your slows are too quick, your quicks are too slow.
Okay? Poor mouse.
l hate just being in an elevator.
- Angela-- - Wait.
l have to talk to you.
Look, l know this is your house and all but could you leave for a second? So you actually admit it's my house.
That's really Because l was wondering No.
She's not saying l'm not saying leave the house.
J ust leave the kitchen.
J ust come here for a second please? l'm really sorry, this won't take long.
And back, back, back, slide together Okay, Patty, let him steer you because he's the one going forward.
When do l get to go forward? See, it is the man who goes forward most frequently.
Tell me about it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to do this backwards? Believe me, they had their free introductory class once too.
Listen, a lot of times couples think they're going to just automatically dance like that but it's not quite that simple.
Okay? And one, back, good, let's go, one, two She's not saying that she-- l'm not saying.
See there's thinking about him, right? Which is what l do.
All the time.
Like this - Obsession.
- Right.
So? So, it keeps me going or something.
Like l need it just to get through the day.
- ltlt's just - lt's an obsession.
Right.
And, and if you make it real, it's not the same.
lt's not, it's not yours anymore.
l don't know, maybe l'd rather have the fantasy than even him.
l completely understand this.
l totally and completely disagree.
You want Jordan Catalano in actuality because there is no because.
You just want him.
Only you're programmed to never admit it.
That does have the ring of truth.
Okay.
Here's your free evaluation, which is easy because you both sort of have the same problem which is rushing.
Like, ahead of the music.
l would strongly recommend group classes.
You should be dancing with other people.
What? Why? l don't want to dance with anybody else, l mean, do you? l thought the whole point here was to do something together.
Maybe it helps.
l mean maybe He won't admit it but he's dying to dance with other people.
Hey, this was your idea.
l didn't want to dance with anybody! Okay.
This isn't easy.
There are many different parts of this that have to come together.
Like, the rhythm.
Not too fast, not too slow.
The confidence to make the steps your own.
Lots of people, they try so hard, They can't hear the muslc, Then, they start to feel lost, So they want to look down, Don't look down, lt wlll throw you off balance,,, and you'll lose your footlng, So, look stralght ahead,,, look rlght lnto your partner's eyes,,, and remember to smlle, H i.
So, l have the money.
So, you have my l D, right? Yes.
So, this is your car? Get in.
l can't go anywhere.
l mean l should stay here.
lt's a long story.
- l didn't say go anywhere.
- Okay.
All right, so what's it called again? A volvo - A volumeter.
- And what does it do again? - lt measures pressure.
- Yeah, but like, what? Air pressure? There are a lot of pressures.
Acupressure? Emotional Pressure? Like the mouse itself must be under pressure.
That would be cool for an experiment.
Figure out what the mouse itself, like what goes through it's mind.
- Was it hard to get it in there? - Shut up! J ust shut up.
lt was just a joke.
You should measure your own pressure.
So the mouse makes pressure, just by breathing? - Yes.
- l can relate.
But why are you l mean, what is the point? lt proves lt's a system that's been devised and there are certain scientific principles that lt's for extra credit.
What's amazlng ls when you can feel your llfe golng somewhere, Llke your llfe just flgured out how to get good, Llke, that second, lt looks real.
Why does-- Hey.
- l'm s-- l'm sorry, l just - No.
l wasl was talking.
Nowhatever.
So how come-- Quit it! l mean, you have to work up to that.
l don't open that wide at the dentist.
How old are you? l don't believe this.
What is your point? - Fifteen.
- You act younger.
First of all, you don't know me well enough to say how old l seem.
- And second-- - You talk a lot.
l've said, like eight sentences to you in my entire life.
This whole day has been one long thing that makes no sense.
We both stopped talklng, Part of hls sleeve was touchlng my arm, l don't know lf he knew, Then everythlng started to seem perfect, for some reason, The feel of hls shlrt agalnst my elbow, The fact that l stlll had an elbow, lt was the perfect moment,,, for hlm to klss me, For hlm to anythlng me, l got to go, solater.
l could have kllled hlm, You're back so early? Angela is not even due home yet.
l think Danielle is asleep.
What did you do to your hair? Boy.
Patty can be really touchy sometimes.
l didn't say that l didn't like it.
Anyway, l don't know.
lt's going to grow back in.
Not in our lifetime Neil.
Neil.
l met this girl.
What? What? l'm not surprised.
- How can you say that? - l don't know, l just l didn't mean to meet her.
l was doing some printing for her and we started You know We would get into these really long conversations the kind where you look up and you're surprised to see other people.
You're burning your butter.
One day, out of nowhere, she grabs my tie, and she says " l hate you.
l can't sleep because of you.
" Right? She starts saying these unbelievable things No, she was holding on to your tie at this point-- The point is, we haven't really done anything but talk.
- But-- - You can't do this to me.
lf you and Patty get a divorce where-- Shut up! No one is getting a divorce.
Where am l going to go, l mean like, on holidays.
l'm supposed to meet her at this motel.
Tomorrow afternoon.
God.
That's such a cliché.
Clichés happen.
- Talk me out of it.
- Don't do it.
Well, don't.
Look at you.
l mean you haven't even done anything really wrong yet and already you're acting weird.
You went dancing.
l know.
Hey! Where's l mean is Tino here? That's l mean, that's Angela's.
Shouldn't it prove that she's 2 1? So? So according to this she was born yesterday.
Why are you here? l live here.
ls she really from France? Never mind.
J ust make sure she gets that, okay? Sure.
Can l say something? l don't think that this was such a terrible evening.
- l never said it was.
- But you're sitting there thinking-- - You don't know what l'm thinking-- - Oh, shut up! How could you say that about my hair? - What did l say? - That it shows my ears more.
- lt does.
- Yeah, but what kind of a thing is that to say? Do you think l felt like tangoing with you after that? l didn't know what to say.
All of a sudden there's all this all this pressure to you know, complement you.
And lead, and-- There's something wrong here.
Am l right? We're drifting apart from seeing each other too much.
We've become like furniture to each other or something.
Have we become incompatible because we are terrible we are terrible dancers.
So what? How can we have been together for so long and not be able to dance together? Because! Because we have been together for so long! Dance with me.
But we don't know how.
We know how.
l'm not going to take the extra credit.
Whatever.
You forgot this.
So why did our generation always dance so far apart? Too rebellious, l guess.
l mean when we danced close, there were no Right, no steps or anything.
We just made it all up.
Never took the time to learn the real steps.
l thought l heard someone.
So, your mom and l went dancing.
lt's hard.
lt's harder than it sounds.
Dad, l don't feel like talking.
No offense.
l don't feel like talking.
Certainly not to you.
You want me to warm up that spaghetti? l have to say that when my father warms somethlng up,,, lt tastes better than when anyone else does, So how did your experiment go with Brian? He did most of it.
So is this like, a date? Dad! lt's They're not People just hang out.
They're not, it's not dates.
J ust people.
Together.
l n a bunch.
So, was there someone else there you like? lt's so strange how parents can out of nowhere turn psychlc, lt's unnervlng, lt's okay to like someone, but l mean boys your age, can sometimes-- Dad, l know.
Can sometimes what? Can sometimes not know how to be what you want them to be.
My point is that it's really hard to figure out how to be a man.
Practically every man l know is still working on it.
So that's what we're doing, we're eating.
Really shows my ears more? lt's time for bed you two.
You two go ahead, l'll clean up.
lt's me, listen.
l can't do this.
l know l acted like l could but l can't.
You must think that l'm an idiot and maybe l am but it's not going to happen.
Because it can't.
Because there are so many reasons why.
Look, l can't really talk, exceptNo this is not you.
This is not your fault.
lt's me.
l'm sorry.
l just can't.
l'm sorry.
You are going to have a hard time getting up in the morning.