NewsRadio (1995) s01e02 Episode Script
Inappropriate
And Amy Fisher, the so-called Long Island Lolita, who was also implicated in the case, is currently serving five to 15 years at Albion Correctional Facility.
And that's "Where They Are Now" for this Tuesday.
Matthew Brock, WNYX news radio.
Bill? Bill.
Uh, thank you, Matthew, for that unusual report.
WNYX news time 12:45.
Minor delays on the What's going on, guys? Matthew, I think you mispronounced that guy's name a few times.
What? Uh, i-i-it's Joey Butta-- No, it isn't, Matthew.
It's, uh Buttafuoco.
Butta Fook-oh.
Wh-what did I say? Well, Matthew, of all the possible mispronunciations of that name, you seem to have stumbled upon absolutely the worst one.
I--I don't know what you mean.
Think about it.
Nice job, Matthew.
My cab driver really got a kick out of that.
Lisa, I'm on it, okay? Well, if you were really on it, Dave, we wouldn't be doing stories about Joey-butta-fook-oh in the first place.
Oh, my God.
Uh-huh, yeah.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
So you sort of see it now, huh? Oh, God.
That's good.
All right, all right, here's what we're going to do.
That's okay, Lisa, I'll take it from here.
We'll just issue a short correction and a formal apology to Mr.
Buttafuoco.
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry, Lisa, did I miss a memo or something? I'm still the news director, right? Not for long if this is how you're going to run the station.
Look, what is with you? Do you really think you can do this job better? Haven't I been clear on that? Well, all right, it would be easier for you, because you wouldn't have someone like you haranguing you.
Dave, that makes no sense at all.
Well, not as much as I'd hoped it would, but you get the point.
I, for one, am outraged! Oh, my God, Joe, I'm sorry.
Way to go, dude.
I can't believe you pulled it off.
I didn't pull anything off.
That was a mistake, Joe.
Look, I got it on tape.
We can make copies.
What? I got blank tapes in my van.
We'll bang it out over lunch.
It's a big market.
Same people who buy sports bloopers.
Oh, God, Joe, no.
Well, don't worry about your cut.
I'll break you off a piece.
Just keep it up with the "mistakes.
" So, who called first, the FCC or Mr.
Buttafuoco's lawyers? We're airing a short correction and a formal apology, Mr.
James.
No, we're not.
Yes, we are.
No, Lisa, we are not.
Okay, okay, who did I hire as news director here? I'm sorry, Mr.
James.
No, I'm really asking.
I lose track of these things.
That would be me.
Good.
Then you figure out what to do.
Dave, please don't fire me.
Make sure you get Lisa's input.
Lisa, just tell Dave not to fire me.
I'll do the best I can, Matthew, but you know Dave has a mind of his own, God bless him.
Matthew, I'm just glad you didn't do a story about Forrest Tucker.
I--I--I don't get it.
Think about it.
Oh! [GIGGLES.]
Because he thinks I would say Torrest-- [.]
Look, if you don't want my input, then just say so.
I don't want your input.
Too bad.
You know, especially if your input is another 3-hour lecture on the legal rights of a known sleazebag.
Well, what if Mr.
Buttafuoco sues us? For what-- defamation of character? Like we can help him with that.
That is completely beside the point.
Look, it's, like, So I want to get something to eat.
Fine, I can finish this over dinner.
That's not what I meant.
All right, would you rather I call you at 3:00 a.
m.
when I wake up from my recurring nightmare about you running this station into the ground? Well, this is going to be a delightful meal.
Dinner, huh? Why don't you guys just get a room? Shut up, Beth.
Yeah, that kind of insinuation is really inappropriate, and what the hell are you wearing? It only cost me $5.
00.
I'm going to go get my coat.
Well, move it.
Oh, settle down.
Don't tell me to settle down.
Wow, it's like Tracy and Hepburn.
Look, all I'm asking is that you stop arguing with me until I get some food in my stomach.
Fine, then let's go to that sushi place across the street.
Oh, no, I don't want to go for sushi.
I see, I don't even get any input as to where we eat.
Oh, my God.
Morning, boss.
Oh, morning, Beth.
Here's your phone sheet.
You know, you really don't have to call me boss.
I know.
I just do it sarcastically because it amuses me.
Coffee, boss? Oh, yes, please.
Thanks.
So how was your dinner with Lisa? Oh, it was fine.
By the time it got to dessert, I was kind of sick of arguing, so Lisa sort of had to carry the bickering through to the check herself.
He's doing it again.
Tell him to stop.
Doing what, Catherine? He just sits there and stares at me all day long.
Look, Catherine, as we've said before, that is where he sits.
That is where you sit.
You sit opposite each other.
There's not really much I can do.
You guys could switch seats.
Thanks, Joe.
I can't take it anymore.
On Wall Street, the Dow is showing signs of recovering after yesterday's nine-point fall.
After just over an hour of trading Listen, Dave, why don't you and Lisa just bury the hatchet? Oh, I'd love to, but apparently Lisa thinks she should have my job.
Oh, so when a woman's ambitious, she's pushy, but when a man is ambitious-- Oh, Beth, don't go into that.
You're right.
I was actually starting to make myself sick.
Is Cathy out in the hall? Yeah, Bill, but I'd let her go.
She's in kind of a mood.
Don't worry.
I know how to sweet-talk her.
Cathy! Yoo-hoo! Bill, I'd really rather you didn't do that right now.
Oh Hi, Lisa.
Hi, Dave.
Hi.
Uh Coffee.
Yeah, okay.
Would you like some cream for your coffee? Sugar? No, no cream.
I just take it black.
I didn't know that.
You take it black? Have a nice day.
Yeah, you too, yeah.
What was that? What was what? That incredibly awkward little moment with Lisa at the coffee machine.
Look, Beth, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Dave, you do know that I can tell when you're lying.
There's a thing you always do.
Oh, really? And what is this thing I always do when I'm lying? Oh, come on, Beth, there's absolutely nothing going on-- This is it, isn't it? This is the thing? All right.
Lisa and I sort of made out last night.
Oh, my God.
Beth, look, it's very, very important that you don't tell anyone about this, all right? Look, I really don't want anyone to know that we're moving the sports update to 15 after the hour.
Butta-fook-oh.
Butta-fook-oh.
Look, Beth, I'm serious here.
You really have to promise you're not going to tell anyone.
No, I'm not going to have to tell anybody, because they're all going to find out just as soon as you and Lisa have your ugly scene in the office.
There aren't going to be any ugly scenes.
Dave, there's no avoiding it.
When you make out with a coworker, you have an ugly scene in the office, and then next thing you know, I'm at home crying my eyes out, because I'm afraid to come in to work the next morning.
We're not talking about me anymore, are we? No, we're not, Dave.
We're talking about me now.
Y-you and, uh The FedEx guy.
We don't use FedEx.
Not anymore.
Ugly scene? Is it They almost had to call his supervisor in from Memphis.
I don't want to get into it.
Well, look, Lisa and I are not going to have any scenes, all right? We're both, uh, mature adults, and we realize that what happened was inappropriate and, uh, unprofessional, and that it can't go any further, and I am sure that Lisa agrees with me on this fully.
La-da-la-da-la-da.
Now-- Hi.
Oh, hiLisa.
I'm sure you two need to discuss the Buttafuoco situation? Right.
The Butta-fiasco.
Well, I'm sure you want the door closed for that.
Mm-hmm.
Hi.
Hi.
Uh Uh Oh, um Sorry.
It's, uh Oh.
Pretty weird last night, huh? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, uh but nice, though.
Oh, yeah.
It was nice.
Niceand--and weird.
Yeah.
Lisa, I've never done anything like that before.
Oh, me neither.
I mean, I've made out before.
Yeah.
As have I.
But never, you know, never with someone that I work with.
No, me neither.
I have a rule about that, actually.
Me too.
Me too.
I do.
Guys, I'm throwing a surprise birthday party for Catherine at the 12:46 commercial break.
We're back on the air at 12:48, which gives us two minutes for cake, punch, small talk, that kind of thing.
I suggest, if you're interested, you RSVP now.
I'll check my calendar, but I think we can squeeze it in.
Great.
Look forward to seeing you.
Okay.
All right, what we did last night was completely inappropriate And completely unprofessional.
Oh, good, good.
I was so worried we wouldn't be on the same wavelength about this.
Yeah, yeah, so was I.
All right.
So we're agreed then? Yes.
We just cannot Yes, we simply cannot Let anybody find out.
Uh-oh.
Yeah I thought we were both going to say we can't do this anymore.
Oh, yeah.
We--we-- I was.
We were.
I was.
Yes.
Um Excuse me.
Well, then, what was this? That was, um That was a joke.
Get it? Um, I have to go now.
to party time.
Boy, do I love a good party.
You love a good party, Joe? That's why I went to college, sir.
It's also why I didn't graduate.
Yeah, me neither.
So what? Didn't stop me from building a million-dollar empire.
Didn't stop you from becoming a-- What do you do again? I'm an electrician.
Well, things were different in my day.
Beth, want to pour us a round of the old red devil? Lisa, can I talk to you in my office for just a moment, please? Oh, I'm kind of busy-- Hey, hey, hey, Don't you two even think about working.
Here comes the birthday girl! I told you I didn't want a birthday party.
You always say that.
And I always mean it.
Mr.
James.
Present.
Buttafuoco.
Well, Buttafuoco to you, too, Matthew.
If you'd said it that way on the air, we probably wouldn't have lost two sponsors this morning.
Oh, my God.
Listen, Lisa, I really need to speak to-- Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave! You've got to loosen up a little bit.
A good boss has to loosen up every now and again.
Case in point, me.
I'm half loaded right now.
Sir, actually I really need to speak to Lisa in my office right now.
Actually, Dave, you don't.
No, I really do.
No, you really don't.
Catherine, how about a few words from the birthday girl? I am now officially not speaking to you.
She gets a little shy sometimes.
I'm sorry, if you'll all excuse me Perhaps I better go see if my colleague needs some assistance.
Is it just me, or does this party suck? Look, I'm really sorry about earlier, but I really think we should discuss this now.
Look, Dave, can we please just drop it? It's not a big deal.
Look, if it's not a big deal, then why'd we have that scene out there? Well, I'm not the one having a scene out there.
I have dropped it.
See? All over.
Well, we're not leaving this room until we settle this.
Oh, really? Really.
Well, I guess it's settled.
Cake, boss? This is getting ugly.
I know that.
Dave, I am not going to discuss this at the office.
Boss, do you need me to FedEx anything for you? Well, fine.
Then I'll call you at home.
You'll get my machine.
I'll call at 10:00.
get my machine.
You'll still All right, what time will you be home? I'll be home all night, but you'll get my machine.
You two, I don't know what this little dustup's all about-- The Buttafuoco situation.
Correction.
Apology.
Absolutely not.
Fine.
When you two stop sniping at each other, we've still got a station to run, so let's get our priorities straight, okay? Yes.
Yes.
Good.
You going to finish that? No.
Thank you.
Hi, Beth.
Is it still ugly? Well, let's just put it this way-- right now, I'm really wishing I'd made out with the FedEx guy.
Oh, hi, Lisa.
Hi, Dave.
Hi.
Can I get you coffee? No, I'll get it.
Well, um Excuse me.
Have a nice day, Dave.
You too, have a good, um Okay, all right, uh, I know what you just saw out there may have, on the surface, appeared a bit odd to you.
Beth, I'm not hiding anything from you.
For God's sakes, Beth, I'm not even wearing a tie.
That's what tipped me off, Dave.
All right.
Uh Look, Lisa and I, uh We did it.
Wh-what was that? We did it.
Oh, my God! That is so wrong! I know.
I know.
How could you let that happen? Uh, I have no idea.
I just I called Lisa up.
We arranged to meet for coffee to discuss the situation.
Right.
So we, you know, met at the coffee place Right.
And then we went to my place and did it.
Wrong.
I know.
And not terribly romantic, either.
Actually, it was romantic.
It was very romantic.
Afterward we went out for a nice, long walk.
Right.
I walked Lisa back to her place.
And we did it again.
Wrong? Yeah, I thought.
Okay, I think in a former life, you two were some kind of animals that did it a lot.
Well, that's an interesting perspective, Beth, but Lisa and I both know that, uh, this cannot go on, and it absolutely will not.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Come on in, Lisa.
Well, I'm sure you two need to be alone to discuss the What is it again? The Buttafuoco situation.
Right.
The Buttafuoco situation.
You know, I'm beginning to think that Matthew's slip-up was oddly appropriate in your case.
You told her, didn't you? No, no.
I didn't tell her a thing.
Yes, you did.
She knows all about this.
I didn't tell her anything.
I just didn't wear a tie.
I have no idea what that means.
Hey, you two.
What do you mean, "Hey, us two"? I'll count again, but I think I'll get the same result.
Anyway I'm taking the entire staff out to lunch in honor of Catherine's birthday yesterday.
Oh.
Is, uh, Catherine going? No, but it's the thought that counts.
Come on.
Bill, Dave and I are really pretty busy right now.
Okay, but if you finish up, we'll be down at Chico's.
We'll try and catch up with you later.
Super.
What? Okay.
Is Matthew getting fired? No.
No decision yet, Matthew.
Ciao.
I can't believe you told Beth! I can't believe you're making such a big deal out of it.
Well, believe it! Well, unfortunately, I do.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
[POUNDING ON DOOR.]
Yes.
Is the ugliness over? For now.
Are you guys okay? Yes, we're fine.
Apparently, we're fine.
How was lunch? Catherine actually showed up, but Matthew was convinced that it was a surprise going-away party for him.
You really should talk to him.
Yeah, I will.
Okay, here, I brought you guys some burritos.
Just put them on the desk, Beth.
[CLUNK.]
[CLUNK.]
They're better than they sound.
Do you think she noticed anything? No, I don't think so, but your sweater's buttoned up wrong.
God, thank you.
You have a little lipstick on the side of your face.
Where? Here? The other side.
Other side.
Oh, jeez.
Okay, oh, God, let me get that.
What are you doing? I'm just rearranging the cushions.
Okay.
You know, are my nylons in there? Uhare these them? No.
Hmm? Dave! I--I, uh I'm just kidding.
They're mine.
Oh, man.
This is ridiculous.
I mean, I have never Done it in the office while everyone else is out to lunch? Yeah.
Me, neither.
Well, where do we go from here? News booth? Seriously, seriously.
I don't know.
The way I see it, we only have two options.
Either you quit, or I quit, because I am not going to have one of those dirty little secret office affairs.
Well, I'm not quitting.
Well, neither am I.
Well, then, it's out of our hands.
Guess so.
Mm.
This is such a bad idea.
Oh, it's the worst.
I know.
Mm.
No more kissing in the office.
No, this is definitely the last time.
Hello? David It's me, Matthew.
Listen, I want you to know that I know what's going on here.
Huh? There's n-nothing.
Nope.
I'm getting fired, aren't I? Oh Okay, David.
I can't take this anymore.
Would you please just tell me to my face that I am fired? Matthew, you're not getting fired.
Okay, that's fine.
It's been very great working with you, and I'll pack up my desk at a later date.
And did you say Not fired.
Not fired.
Oh, how embarrassing.
Were you just going to let me leave? Mm-hmm.
Oh, my God.
Lisa, have you had lunch yet? No, Dave, I haven't.
Well, great.
I was wondering if you'd like to have lunch with me to discuss those new promos.
Yes.
The new promos.
Let's discuss them over lunch.
Yeah, okay.
Uh, Lisa? Yeah? Could I talk to you for a sec? Yeah.
You do know what you're getting yourself into, don't you? It's a really bad idea.
I know.
Look, no matter what happens, you absolutely cannot What? I'm picking up an overnight delivery from Bill McNeal.
That would be me.
Beth, I absolutely cannot what? I'll talk to you about that later.
So you're the new guy? Bill Bill! Come on.
I'm sorry.
Would you please tell her that from now on, if she needs to tell me anything, a written memo will suffice.
Oh, come on.
What is it this time? Bill, I was not ignoring you at lunch.
I just don't talk much while I'm eating.
A written memo.
Tell her.
Look, would you two just shut up and get back into the booth? Look, you can say whatever you want to me, but you do not tell the lady to shut up! You know, actually, I have some leftovers at my apartment.
If you wanted to, we could go over there and discuss the police corruption probe story at a later date.
Good work, Lisa.
I look forward to your input.
Listen, Dave, I just wanted to apologize for that outburst in there.
Bill, I've been looking for you.
Yeah.
Whatever.
That's a really nice tie.
Oh, please don't patronize me.
Whatever! You two seem to have a very complex relationship.
It's a nightmare.
Why is that? Well, about four years ago, Catherine and I sort of tried to have a secret little office romance.
You know how those things go.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Worst mistake I ever made.
Ruined the entire relationship forever.
Either of you ever been in one of those? No, no.
No, never.
No.
Uh-uh.
[.]
And that's "Where They Are Now" for this Tuesday.
Matthew Brock, WNYX news radio.
Bill? Bill.
Uh, thank you, Matthew, for that unusual report.
WNYX news time 12:45.
Minor delays on the What's going on, guys? Matthew, I think you mispronounced that guy's name a few times.
What? Uh, i-i-it's Joey Butta-- No, it isn't, Matthew.
It's, uh Buttafuoco.
Butta Fook-oh.
Wh-what did I say? Well, Matthew, of all the possible mispronunciations of that name, you seem to have stumbled upon absolutely the worst one.
I--I don't know what you mean.
Think about it.
Nice job, Matthew.
My cab driver really got a kick out of that.
Lisa, I'm on it, okay? Well, if you were really on it, Dave, we wouldn't be doing stories about Joey-butta-fook-oh in the first place.
Oh, my God.
Uh-huh, yeah.
Oh, my God.
Yeah.
Oh, no.
So you sort of see it now, huh? Oh, God.
That's good.
All right, all right, here's what we're going to do.
That's okay, Lisa, I'll take it from here.
We'll just issue a short correction and a formal apology to Mr.
Buttafuoco.
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry, Lisa, did I miss a memo or something? I'm still the news director, right? Not for long if this is how you're going to run the station.
Look, what is with you? Do you really think you can do this job better? Haven't I been clear on that? Well, all right, it would be easier for you, because you wouldn't have someone like you haranguing you.
Dave, that makes no sense at all.
Well, not as much as I'd hoped it would, but you get the point.
I, for one, am outraged! Oh, my God, Joe, I'm sorry.
Way to go, dude.
I can't believe you pulled it off.
I didn't pull anything off.
That was a mistake, Joe.
Look, I got it on tape.
We can make copies.
What? I got blank tapes in my van.
We'll bang it out over lunch.
It's a big market.
Same people who buy sports bloopers.
Oh, God, Joe, no.
Well, don't worry about your cut.
I'll break you off a piece.
Just keep it up with the "mistakes.
" So, who called first, the FCC or Mr.
Buttafuoco's lawyers? We're airing a short correction and a formal apology, Mr.
James.
No, we're not.
Yes, we are.
No, Lisa, we are not.
Okay, okay, who did I hire as news director here? I'm sorry, Mr.
James.
No, I'm really asking.
I lose track of these things.
That would be me.
Good.
Then you figure out what to do.
Dave, please don't fire me.
Make sure you get Lisa's input.
Lisa, just tell Dave not to fire me.
I'll do the best I can, Matthew, but you know Dave has a mind of his own, God bless him.
Matthew, I'm just glad you didn't do a story about Forrest Tucker.
I--I--I don't get it.
Think about it.
Oh! [GIGGLES.]
Because he thinks I would say Torrest-- [.]
Look, if you don't want my input, then just say so.
I don't want your input.
Too bad.
You know, especially if your input is another 3-hour lecture on the legal rights of a known sleazebag.
Well, what if Mr.
Buttafuoco sues us? For what-- defamation of character? Like we can help him with that.
That is completely beside the point.
Look, it's, like, So I want to get something to eat.
Fine, I can finish this over dinner.
That's not what I meant.
All right, would you rather I call you at 3:00 a.
m.
when I wake up from my recurring nightmare about you running this station into the ground? Well, this is going to be a delightful meal.
Dinner, huh? Why don't you guys just get a room? Shut up, Beth.
Yeah, that kind of insinuation is really inappropriate, and what the hell are you wearing? It only cost me $5.
00.
I'm going to go get my coat.
Well, move it.
Oh, settle down.
Don't tell me to settle down.
Wow, it's like Tracy and Hepburn.
Look, all I'm asking is that you stop arguing with me until I get some food in my stomach.
Fine, then let's go to that sushi place across the street.
Oh, no, I don't want to go for sushi.
I see, I don't even get any input as to where we eat.
Oh, my God.
Morning, boss.
Oh, morning, Beth.
Here's your phone sheet.
You know, you really don't have to call me boss.
I know.
I just do it sarcastically because it amuses me.
Coffee, boss? Oh, yes, please.
Thanks.
So how was your dinner with Lisa? Oh, it was fine.
By the time it got to dessert, I was kind of sick of arguing, so Lisa sort of had to carry the bickering through to the check herself.
He's doing it again.
Tell him to stop.
Doing what, Catherine? He just sits there and stares at me all day long.
Look, Catherine, as we've said before, that is where he sits.
That is where you sit.
You sit opposite each other.
There's not really much I can do.
You guys could switch seats.
Thanks, Joe.
I can't take it anymore.
On Wall Street, the Dow is showing signs of recovering after yesterday's nine-point fall.
After just over an hour of trading Listen, Dave, why don't you and Lisa just bury the hatchet? Oh, I'd love to, but apparently Lisa thinks she should have my job.
Oh, so when a woman's ambitious, she's pushy, but when a man is ambitious-- Oh, Beth, don't go into that.
You're right.
I was actually starting to make myself sick.
Is Cathy out in the hall? Yeah, Bill, but I'd let her go.
She's in kind of a mood.
Don't worry.
I know how to sweet-talk her.
Cathy! Yoo-hoo! Bill, I'd really rather you didn't do that right now.
Oh Hi, Lisa.
Hi, Dave.
Hi.
Uh Coffee.
Yeah, okay.
Would you like some cream for your coffee? Sugar? No, no cream.
I just take it black.
I didn't know that.
You take it black? Have a nice day.
Yeah, you too, yeah.
What was that? What was what? That incredibly awkward little moment with Lisa at the coffee machine.
Look, Beth, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Dave, you do know that I can tell when you're lying.
There's a thing you always do.
Oh, really? And what is this thing I always do when I'm lying? Oh, come on, Beth, there's absolutely nothing going on-- This is it, isn't it? This is the thing? All right.
Lisa and I sort of made out last night.
Oh, my God.
Beth, look, it's very, very important that you don't tell anyone about this, all right? Look, I really don't want anyone to know that we're moving the sports update to 15 after the hour.
Butta-fook-oh.
Butta-fook-oh.
Look, Beth, I'm serious here.
You really have to promise you're not going to tell anyone.
No, I'm not going to have to tell anybody, because they're all going to find out just as soon as you and Lisa have your ugly scene in the office.
There aren't going to be any ugly scenes.
Dave, there's no avoiding it.
When you make out with a coworker, you have an ugly scene in the office, and then next thing you know, I'm at home crying my eyes out, because I'm afraid to come in to work the next morning.
We're not talking about me anymore, are we? No, we're not, Dave.
We're talking about me now.
Y-you and, uh The FedEx guy.
We don't use FedEx.
Not anymore.
Ugly scene? Is it They almost had to call his supervisor in from Memphis.
I don't want to get into it.
Well, look, Lisa and I are not going to have any scenes, all right? We're both, uh, mature adults, and we realize that what happened was inappropriate and, uh, unprofessional, and that it can't go any further, and I am sure that Lisa agrees with me on this fully.
La-da-la-da-la-da.
Now-- Hi.
Oh, hiLisa.
I'm sure you two need to discuss the Buttafuoco situation? Right.
The Butta-fiasco.
Well, I'm sure you want the door closed for that.
Mm-hmm.
Hi.
Hi.
Uh Uh Oh, um Sorry.
It's, uh Oh.
Pretty weird last night, huh? Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, uh but nice, though.
Oh, yeah.
It was nice.
Niceand--and weird.
Yeah.
Lisa, I've never done anything like that before.
Oh, me neither.
I mean, I've made out before.
Yeah.
As have I.
But never, you know, never with someone that I work with.
No, me neither.
I have a rule about that, actually.
Me too.
Me too.
I do.
Guys, I'm throwing a surprise birthday party for Catherine at the 12:46 commercial break.
We're back on the air at 12:48, which gives us two minutes for cake, punch, small talk, that kind of thing.
I suggest, if you're interested, you RSVP now.
I'll check my calendar, but I think we can squeeze it in.
Great.
Look forward to seeing you.
Okay.
All right, what we did last night was completely inappropriate And completely unprofessional.
Oh, good, good.
I was so worried we wouldn't be on the same wavelength about this.
Yeah, yeah, so was I.
All right.
So we're agreed then? Yes.
We just cannot Yes, we simply cannot Let anybody find out.
Uh-oh.
Yeah I thought we were both going to say we can't do this anymore.
Oh, yeah.
We--we-- I was.
We were.
I was.
Yes.
Um Excuse me.
Well, then, what was this? That was, um That was a joke.
Get it? Um, I have to go now.
to party time.
Boy, do I love a good party.
You love a good party, Joe? That's why I went to college, sir.
It's also why I didn't graduate.
Yeah, me neither.
So what? Didn't stop me from building a million-dollar empire.
Didn't stop you from becoming a-- What do you do again? I'm an electrician.
Well, things were different in my day.
Beth, want to pour us a round of the old red devil? Lisa, can I talk to you in my office for just a moment, please? Oh, I'm kind of busy-- Hey, hey, hey, Don't you two even think about working.
Here comes the birthday girl! I told you I didn't want a birthday party.
You always say that.
And I always mean it.
Mr.
James.
Present.
Buttafuoco.
Well, Buttafuoco to you, too, Matthew.
If you'd said it that way on the air, we probably wouldn't have lost two sponsors this morning.
Oh, my God.
Listen, Lisa, I really need to speak to-- Dave, Dave, Dave, Dave! You've got to loosen up a little bit.
A good boss has to loosen up every now and again.
Case in point, me.
I'm half loaded right now.
Sir, actually I really need to speak to Lisa in my office right now.
Actually, Dave, you don't.
No, I really do.
No, you really don't.
Catherine, how about a few words from the birthday girl? I am now officially not speaking to you.
She gets a little shy sometimes.
I'm sorry, if you'll all excuse me Perhaps I better go see if my colleague needs some assistance.
Is it just me, or does this party suck? Look, I'm really sorry about earlier, but I really think we should discuss this now.
Look, Dave, can we please just drop it? It's not a big deal.
Look, if it's not a big deal, then why'd we have that scene out there? Well, I'm not the one having a scene out there.
I have dropped it.
See? All over.
Well, we're not leaving this room until we settle this.
Oh, really? Really.
Well, I guess it's settled.
Cake, boss? This is getting ugly.
I know that.
Dave, I am not going to discuss this at the office.
Boss, do you need me to FedEx anything for you? Well, fine.
Then I'll call you at home.
You'll get my machine.
I'll call at 10:00.
get my machine.
You'll still All right, what time will you be home? I'll be home all night, but you'll get my machine.
You two, I don't know what this little dustup's all about-- The Buttafuoco situation.
Correction.
Apology.
Absolutely not.
Fine.
When you two stop sniping at each other, we've still got a station to run, so let's get our priorities straight, okay? Yes.
Yes.
Good.
You going to finish that? No.
Thank you.
Hi, Beth.
Is it still ugly? Well, let's just put it this way-- right now, I'm really wishing I'd made out with the FedEx guy.
Oh, hi, Lisa.
Hi, Dave.
Hi.
Can I get you coffee? No, I'll get it.
Well, um Excuse me.
Have a nice day, Dave.
You too, have a good, um Okay, all right, uh, I know what you just saw out there may have, on the surface, appeared a bit odd to you.
Beth, I'm not hiding anything from you.
For God's sakes, Beth, I'm not even wearing a tie.
That's what tipped me off, Dave.
All right.
Uh Look, Lisa and I, uh We did it.
Wh-what was that? We did it.
Oh, my God! That is so wrong! I know.
I know.
How could you let that happen? Uh, I have no idea.
I just I called Lisa up.
We arranged to meet for coffee to discuss the situation.
Right.
So we, you know, met at the coffee place Right.
And then we went to my place and did it.
Wrong.
I know.
And not terribly romantic, either.
Actually, it was romantic.
It was very romantic.
Afterward we went out for a nice, long walk.
Right.
I walked Lisa back to her place.
And we did it again.
Wrong? Yeah, I thought.
Okay, I think in a former life, you two were some kind of animals that did it a lot.
Well, that's an interesting perspective, Beth, but Lisa and I both know that, uh, this cannot go on, and it absolutely will not.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
Come on in, Lisa.
Well, I'm sure you two need to be alone to discuss the What is it again? The Buttafuoco situation.
Right.
The Buttafuoco situation.
You know, I'm beginning to think that Matthew's slip-up was oddly appropriate in your case.
You told her, didn't you? No, no.
I didn't tell her a thing.
Yes, you did.
She knows all about this.
I didn't tell her anything.
I just didn't wear a tie.
I have no idea what that means.
Hey, you two.
What do you mean, "Hey, us two"? I'll count again, but I think I'll get the same result.
Anyway I'm taking the entire staff out to lunch in honor of Catherine's birthday yesterday.
Oh.
Is, uh, Catherine going? No, but it's the thought that counts.
Come on.
Bill, Dave and I are really pretty busy right now.
Okay, but if you finish up, we'll be down at Chico's.
We'll try and catch up with you later.
Super.
What? Okay.
Is Matthew getting fired? No.
No decision yet, Matthew.
Ciao.
I can't believe you told Beth! I can't believe you're making such a big deal out of it.
Well, believe it! Well, unfortunately, I do.
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
[POUNDING ON DOOR.]
Yes.
Is the ugliness over? For now.
Are you guys okay? Yes, we're fine.
Apparently, we're fine.
How was lunch? Catherine actually showed up, but Matthew was convinced that it was a surprise going-away party for him.
You really should talk to him.
Yeah, I will.
Okay, here, I brought you guys some burritos.
Just put them on the desk, Beth.
[CLUNK.]
[CLUNK.]
They're better than they sound.
Do you think she noticed anything? No, I don't think so, but your sweater's buttoned up wrong.
God, thank you.
You have a little lipstick on the side of your face.
Where? Here? The other side.
Other side.
Oh, jeez.
Okay, oh, God, let me get that.
What are you doing? I'm just rearranging the cushions.
Okay.
You know, are my nylons in there? Uhare these them? No.
Hmm? Dave! I--I, uh I'm just kidding.
They're mine.
Oh, man.
This is ridiculous.
I mean, I have never Done it in the office while everyone else is out to lunch? Yeah.
Me, neither.
Well, where do we go from here? News booth? Seriously, seriously.
I don't know.
The way I see it, we only have two options.
Either you quit, or I quit, because I am not going to have one of those dirty little secret office affairs.
Well, I'm not quitting.
Well, neither am I.
Well, then, it's out of our hands.
Guess so.
Mm.
This is such a bad idea.
Oh, it's the worst.
I know.
Mm.
No more kissing in the office.
No, this is definitely the last time.
Hello? David It's me, Matthew.
Listen, I want you to know that I know what's going on here.
Huh? There's n-nothing.
Nope.
I'm getting fired, aren't I? Oh Okay, David.
I can't take this anymore.
Would you please just tell me to my face that I am fired? Matthew, you're not getting fired.
Okay, that's fine.
It's been very great working with you, and I'll pack up my desk at a later date.
And did you say Not fired.
Not fired.
Oh, how embarrassing.
Were you just going to let me leave? Mm-hmm.
Oh, my God.
Lisa, have you had lunch yet? No, Dave, I haven't.
Well, great.
I was wondering if you'd like to have lunch with me to discuss those new promos.
Yes.
The new promos.
Let's discuss them over lunch.
Yeah, okay.
Uh, Lisa? Yeah? Could I talk to you for a sec? Yeah.
You do know what you're getting yourself into, don't you? It's a really bad idea.
I know.
Look, no matter what happens, you absolutely cannot What? I'm picking up an overnight delivery from Bill McNeal.
That would be me.
Beth, I absolutely cannot what? I'll talk to you about that later.
So you're the new guy? Bill Bill! Come on.
I'm sorry.
Would you please tell her that from now on, if she needs to tell me anything, a written memo will suffice.
Oh, come on.
What is it this time? Bill, I was not ignoring you at lunch.
I just don't talk much while I'm eating.
A written memo.
Tell her.
Look, would you two just shut up and get back into the booth? Look, you can say whatever you want to me, but you do not tell the lady to shut up! You know, actually, I have some leftovers at my apartment.
If you wanted to, we could go over there and discuss the police corruption probe story at a later date.
Good work, Lisa.
I look forward to your input.
Listen, Dave, I just wanted to apologize for that outburst in there.
Bill, I've been looking for you.
Yeah.
Whatever.
That's a really nice tie.
Oh, please don't patronize me.
Whatever! You two seem to have a very complex relationship.
It's a nightmare.
Why is that? Well, about four years ago, Catherine and I sort of tried to have a secret little office romance.
You know how those things go.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Worst mistake I ever made.
Ruined the entire relationship forever.
Either of you ever been in one of those? No, no.
No, never.
No.
Uh-uh.
[.]