No Activity (2017) s01e02 Episode Script
Deep Sea Fishing
1 WOMAN [OVER RADIO.]
: Confirming the docks are compromised.
We're winding down Operation Spearfish.
For now, let's keep Car 27 in place to await further orders.
JANICE: Car 27, please respond.
Car 27.
This is Car 27.
Go ahead.
Yeah, please be advised that Internal Affairs Investigator Leon Fordham is en route to the scene.
What? Wh-Why's he coming here? Over.
He's there to take a statement.
And my guess is because you shot a suspect's ear off and you compromised your entire team's surveillance operation.
Oh, shit.
Um Okay, but who-who is this guy? Do you know? Over.
I don't know.
He's new.
All right, look, let me ask around.
Okay, thanks, Dispatch.
Car 27 out.
[EXHALES.]
You okay? What am I gonna do? Huh? Tell him the truth? Which is I panicked? It-it was all a blur? No, Jesus, you can't say that.
Come on, take a breath, all right? You know what we need to do? We need to do, like, a practice interview, okay? I don't want to relive it.
It's too painful.
I understand that, - but we fucking have to.
Okay? Okay.
- Okay.
Okay.
- I'll tell you what, I'll get in the back.
- Yes.
- Okay.
Okay.
- Get in the back.
Don't slam it.
- [DOOR SLAMS.]
- [SIGHS.]
[DEEP VOICE.]
: Evening, Detective.
How are you this evening? My name is Detective Fordham.
- Right.
- My name is meh - Hmm.
Ah.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
- That's [NORMAL VOICE.]
: I can't.
I'm gonna hurt my throat that way.
- Okay.
- You know what? Okay.
I'll just do, I'll just do, like, breathy.
I'll just do, like, I'll do like Batman.
- All right.
Fine.
- Okay.
[DEEP, BREATHY VOICE.]
: Hello, my name is Detective Leon Fordham.
Take me through the events of the night in question Is he gonna be breathing like that? He may.
I don't know.
Well, uh I approached the-the suspect.
Um - he looked kind of suspicious.
- Okay.
- He, uh, drew his weapon.
- Right.
- I pulled out mine.
- Okay.
Shot him.
Simple.
End of story.
- And that's it? - Yup.
Isn't it true you told your partner that you panicked, and it was all a blur? Wait.
How would he know that? Maybe he got it out of me.
How did he get He got it out of you? - How? - I don't know this guy, but he's obviously good at getting people to talk.
I'm gonna get suspended from the force.
Maybe.
I don't know.
- Maybe? - If you don't keep your mouth shut.
I can keep my mouth shut.
You better keep your mouth shut.
- I'm keeping my - Oh! That's him.
That's got to be him.
- I think that's him.
- Okay, okay, okay, shit, okay.
- Hurry up.
- It's okay, it's okay.
Fuck me.
Okay.
All right.
You know what? I'm getting sick.
- No, stay calm.
- Let's call in sick.
- Stay calm.
- I don't want to let's go home.
Start the car, let's go.
Get out of here.
- If we go now, he won't even see us.
- [TURNS IGNITION.]
- What are you talking about? - He's here.
You're being crazy.
Okay.
He's oh, he's coming, he's coming.
Chill out.
La-di-da Oh Dee-dee-dee.
- Hi.
- Hi.
You must be Leon.
Inspector Fordham? Yeah.
Yeah, you want to buckle in.
Please act like I'm not here, Detectives.
I'm just gonna silently observe you.
- Cool.
- Okay.
JANICE [OVER RADIO.]
: Car 27, apparently this guy is, like, a total maniac and just very intense.
He's not well-liked at all.
- Yeah, have fun.
- Okay, and that's it.
Over.
Uh, Twenty Car 27 all good.
Bye.
Copy that.
["HAPPINESS, MISSOURI" BY EL VY PLAYING.]
While away while someone counts the minutes Happiness, Missouri, I got to get your mind off By the way, I told you we were in this Happiness, Missouri, I got to get your mind off it.
MAN: Intel reporting Las Hormigas Cartel activity in the Otay Mesa area.
There are several known holding warehouses there.
Might be worth putting a few units on it.
ADRIAN: Hey, we should get a stereo - going, right? - No.
Warehouse party, yeah! Get some mad beats going.
No, we're not here to listen to music.
We're here to dig a hole, Adrian.
Wait, an actual hole? Yeah, that's what I told you.
We're here to dig a hole.
I assumed that was code for something else.
What would that be code for? Something not bullshit, like hole digging.
I'm not dressed for digging a hole.
Well, that's what we're here doing, so, uh Well, I'm-I'm not.
I would've put on hole-digging clothes, fuck, if I knew that was the case.
You mind telling me what this hole's for? Uh, I-I don't know what the fucking hole is for.
It doesn't matter, we're supposed to dig a hole and then wait for further instructions.
Okay? Are you sure that we're not digging our own graves? That happens all the time in movies.
We're not digging our own graves.
You know what? Actually this is kind of nice.
You and I get to spend some time together, without the old ball and chain.
She's not my ball and chain.
She's my mom.
No, I know.
No-no disrespect.
I love your mom.
I really do.
I mean, she changed me.
I've had a lot of women, I'm not gonna lie to you.
A lot maybe too many.
Stop fucking talking, okay? You're not my buddy.
You're my mom's boyfriend.
I'm doing this as a favor to you.
Wait, ho Did you just say as a favor to me? - I'm doing this as a favor to you.
- No, no, no, no, no.
I'm doing this as a favor to you.
You haven't worked in, like, two and a half years.
- I'm giving you a job.
- Two and a half years? I haven't worked in three and a half years, okay? Heck, let's call it four.
Unemployed, four years.
This is what I heard.
I heard that you fucked up.
Yep.
That your boy got shot.
Too afraid to tell your boss, so here I am covering, so you don't get in trouble.
Does that sound familiar at all? Yeah, that's what I thought.
Okay - who shot your boy? - It doesn't matter.
The point is, we're here now, and we have a hole to dig, a job to do.
Hell yeah, we do.
We got a job to do.
Fuck shit up, revenge style.
Right? No.
We dig a hole.
No, your boy Marco wants revenge.
My boy Marco wants to get paid, so we dig.
Your boy Marco has to share half his money with me.
You dig? If you want to get paid, you dig.
- Do we dig? - Yes.
A fucking hole.
I But do you dig where I'm coming at? I will dig if I know I'm getting some jack on the other end of my digging.
- That I dig.
- I already told you I already told you, you will get paid if you dig.
I feel like we're using "you dig" differently.
I know what you're doing.
Oh.
You're just delaying the fact - that we're here to dig a hole.
- Okay.
- You got me.
- Is that what's happening? I like wordplay.
- I like to do wordplay.
- That's funny.
But hey, that's something you-you know about me now.
I-I dig wordplay.
- [LAUGHS.]
- There it is again.
That's the first thing you know about me, right? [SIGHS.]
I can't reiterate enough, I'm not dressed for this.
Yeah, Adrian, I said, "We're digging a hole, are you sure you want to wear this fucking outfit?" ADRIAN: I wasn't listening.
GREG [ON RADIO.]
: Hi, this is Greg from Port Security.
Uh, negative, Greg, this is not a good time.
Over and out.
I'm here to observe your normal behavior take the call.
Well, I normally, I Take the call.
Yes, Greg, go ahead.
[CHUCKLES.]
You know what I love about walkie-talkies? There's no voice mail.
The person always answers.
And another thing, you don't have someone's eyes burrowing into you as you speak to them.
That is a burden lifted.
I think I would have been a much better conversationalist when I was younger if I could have blindfolded myself, or the person I was talking to.
Do you want to hear my, uh, Sean Connery impression? - No, thanks.
- Say yes.
- Yes, please.
- Great.
[AS SEAN CONNERY.]
: Load the missiles.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
: Hunt for Red October.
I'm not sure if he actually said that, but he didn't bother to learn a Russian accent, why should I? Okay, that's great.
Thanks, Greg.
Over and out.
Okay, one more thing.
You really got to get over here tonight and see the moonlight on the ocean from my office.
It is shimmering like no man's business.
It's like diamonds cast over a black velvet cloth.
That actually sounds pretty good, Greg.
- I'll see you right there.
- What? Hey, where you going? Where you go? You son of a bitch.
[CHUCKLES.]
He loves to see the moonlight shimmering on the water.
He's a nut for it, so I wish I'd have thought of that.
I would have loved to have gotten out of here to see that, too, so now I Do you generally just narrate your life, Detective? Who are you talking to? I'm not here.
See, I don't understand why this quadrant isn't You can't see the highlight as well, but it is the mirror image of this one.
Do you see what I'm Janice.
[SIGHS.]
What? Do you uh, what's go Are you okay? [SCOFFS.]
I'm doing Kegel exercises.
I'm tightening my vaginal floor.
- Mm-hmm.
- After I had Mason, things got stretched out.
- Yeah.
- So I read in a magazine, - Mm-hmm.
- that when you're at work, you can actually do a Kegel exercise and tighten it back up.
Do you have to look straight at me while you're doing it? Well, I have to look in a straight line, and that's what I was doing until you backed up into it.
See, you just kind of went into my point of view, but if you look back at the screen, - you'd be out of my eyesight.
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah, but your eye contact it feels very intimate.
Could you do me a big favor and stop talking? 'Cause you're making it super weird for me right now.
[GRUNTING AND GROANING.]
[CLATTERING IN DISTANCE.]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
- Come in.
- [DOOR OPENS.]
Hey! - Hey.
Oh.
- Ha-ho! Hey.
You're more handsome than I thought.
Thank you.
Did you ever meet somebody and immediately know you're gonna open a bar with them? - No.
- That's what I'm feeling, - right here.
- Oh - Like, not a bar.
- Right.
Like, a with drinks.
A café.
No, a bar.
That's a bad idea, right? Maybe that's why we should do it, because, hey, nobody ever thought skiing would take off.
[CHUCKLES.]
Not with the cold and all the Right? Hey, sit down.
Sit down.
- Sit down.
- Oh, no, I got - Come on.
- Yeah, okay.
Yeah.
- H-Hey.
- Hey.
I'm warning I am not good with business or with numbers.
- Right.
- But people tell me I have "design flair," whatever that is.
But right now, I'm picturing our two faces on a bar napkin.
And you might think that's an extravagant and again, I'm not good with numbers but I think it's surprisingly affordable.
And I'm talking too much.
[LAUGHS.]
- No, no.
- I'm blowing this! [CHUCKLES.]
Can I just tell you one thing? Okay.
You know the 2003 film Stuck on You, with Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear, about conjoined twins? No.
Well, that was my idea and they stole it.
And that's my ax to grind.
And, um, people tell me I tend to go on about it, but now it's out there, and, uh, if I say it again, you just I'll just shut up.
[CHUCKLES.]
- [SMACKS TABLE.]
- [SIGHS.]
Hey, bu wh-what about that moonlight you promised me? Where's that? - That's something.
- Yeah.
That was You're right.
What'd you call that? It's diamonds on black velvet cloth.
Oh.
Yeah.
It is.
Look at that.
That's exactly what that looks like.
- Like, like diamonds.
- Yeah.
You said that.
- That really - Maybe that's the name of the bar.
The bar? Yeah.
Right.
The bar that you - that we were talking about.
- Call it, uh The Moon.
You Said That.
People love those kinds of phrases, like, "You said that.
" "Hey, let's meet at You Said That's.
" "You said that.
" Comedy night, Tuesday nights.
- Yeah.
- Two dollars.
- Right.
- Cover.
I'd better get going back to the car.
Lot on tonight.
It's-it's a weird night.
It's a weird night, so stay vigilant.
[THUDS.]
Oh, it's, uh, got a remote lock on it.
I got a button right here.
- Oh.
- No.
- You got to do it at the same time.
- Right.
- Okay, can you do it? - All right, I'm gonna count it off.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
I'm doing it on "two.
" Okay.
One, two, three.
- Here we go.
- Yeah.
- On "two"? Right.
- 1,001.
- 1,002, 1,003 - Is - I'll do it on Mississi - Right.
So that was on "three"? Let's do Mississippi.
One Mississippi.
Two Mississippi.
On "Mississippi"? Hey, look at this one.
"One, two, three, ready, set, go.
" - Go.
- That gives you plenty of prep time.
- Right.
So we're doing what? - One, two, three - Three - Ready, set, go.
Ready, set, go.
Why don't we just drop - Doing it on "set.
" - the one, two, three yeah.
- One, two, three.
- One, two, three.
- Ready, set, go.
- Ready, set.
Yeah.
- You know what? - Yeah.
The button's broken.
ADRIAN: Okay.
All right.
Now I know.
You've been just a little edgy with me.
A little chippy.
And now I know why.
You heard our fight this morning.
- No.
What? - No.
- It's okay.
I get it, yeah.
- What the fuck are you talking about? Look, did your mom and I have a fight this morning? Yes, we did.
Was it sexual in nature? You bet.
At one point, were we grunting like two grizzly bears? Not a question.
Did the neighbor, Dawn and Patty, come over, and say, "What's going on? - Let's call 911"? - S-Seriously.
- They did.
- Adrian, stop.
Okay.
Right, 'cause it's your mom.
- Right.
- Yeah.
I get it.
And I'm new.
It's like a new sheriff in town.
I'm taking up space; you don't know my rhythms, my movements, my habits.
But I'm happy to answer any question I-I have no questions.
And I can't state that, uh, more.
I can't state that I have no questions.
- No questions.
- You have zero questions? None.
Like what that noise from the bathroom was around 3:30 in the morning? I don't know what you're talking about.
Sounded like a, a dentist drill? [IMITATES DRILLING NOISE.]
Here's the here's the God's honest truth.
We have something very special in that department.
However, even I have my limits.
You know, I'm not Superman.
But your mom ooh when it comes to the human body, I mean, she just She wants you to to push yourself to the limit.
I can't sit on my own elbow.
Why that would be pleasurable Just, A stop! Adrian.
Stop.
That's what she said.
- I'm joking.
You set me up.
- That's funny.
Yeah.
I mean, that's a classic.
Everyone loves "That's what she said.
" Right? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Uh, fun fact.
Uh, you heard of Jonestown massacre? - Detective.
- Yeah? - I'm not here.
- Right.
Why are you talking to me? I'm just gonna say okay to Do you hear me? I'm not here.
GREG: Since you're here, why don't we go over our case? CULLEN: I can't stress this enough: it's not our case, Greg, it's my case.
You know what? I've been trying to pretend that your naked hostility is just collegial banter, but it's not.
And I'm not gonna get into a pissing contest with you.
Because you'll win.
You got the badge, you got the car, you got the partner.
You guys have each other, you know? You got backup.
Do I have backup? I don't think so.
Have I ever had backup? No.
My backup is up here, it's in here.
And it's in the Meanwhile, you know what he's thinking, he knows what you're thinking.
Does anyone know what I'm thinking?! - Okay.
- No! I don't have a sidekick to narrate my exploits.
I they don't even give me a guard dog to keep me company.
Who's gonna give me CPR, huh? Who's gonna apply pressure to my wound? All right.
And God forbid God forbid one of you uses disproportionate force, one of you will cover for the crime.
Do I have anyone to cover for my crime? You can't cover for your own crime.
That's just lying.
That's just filling the space in an interrogation 'cause you can't handle the pressure.
Then, what's my point? What's my point?! My point is, everything, the drug, uh, stakeout.
It's drugs, right? I knew it was drugs.
I always did.
Uh, the whole thing, it's just uh, pointless.
What matters is this moment right here.
That's all.
[EXHALES.]
I-I hear you.
I do.
Um, but I'm gonna need you to unlock the door.
[SIGHS.]
Th-There's no There's no button, that's a It just sticks on the bottom.
I just made that up.
You just have to kick it.
Okay.
[SIGHS.]
[THUDS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Hey, ladies.
- Ugh.
- FATIMA: Hey, Tony.
Uh, Fatima, there is a spot left on the softball team.
- Oh, great.
Thank you.
- Yeah, when is that? Uh, Sundays.
Oh, Sundays.
Uh, she can't go.
She's got cooking classes.
I do? Yeah.
Well, cat's out of the bag now, but it was a present as welcome to the job, I got you gourmet cooking classes, and it's every Sunday.
Wh-What-what, uh, what time? 8:00 till 8:00.
A.
m.
till p.
m.
? JANICE: That's right.
It's a long class.
Well, it's a gourmet, premium class.
It costs a lot of money, involves a lot of cream sauces, - so it's special.
- TONY: Well, that's a shame.
Uh, well, you two ladies enjoy your classes, and, uh, I will Bye-bye.
- Yeah.
I see.
Okay.
- Yeah.
- Bye, ladies.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Bye, Tony.
- Okay.
You owe me.
Really? Is he that bad? He seems so nice.
Are you kidding me? He's a complete asshole.
- Oh.
Wha? - And by the way, I am pretty sure he doesn't even need that chair.
Oh.
LEON: Do you want to go deep-sea fishing? Well [CLEARS THROAT.]
- I've never been.
- No.
I've never been.
Yeah, me neither.
Well, maybe we could learn together.
Have you ever given yourself over to love? I mean actually just submitted to love and let everything else go? - No.
- I have.
LEON: I'll never forget seeing his profile for the first time.
I'd been on Grindr for ah, three or four months, I guess, but I didn't think I'd ever seriously consider acting on it and-and and then I saw him.
And everything changed.
He was all I could think about.
He was the-the last thought, the last image in my head every night when I went to sleep.
The first thing I thought about every morning.
I imagined him when I was making love to my wife.
Imagine that.
Making love to my wife and thinking about some man I've never met, who's on the other side of the country.
I finally, I just it just got to the point where-where I-I I had to act on it.
And I started making plans, I I, uh, put in for a transfer to San Diego PD, as you know.
I, uh, made things right with my family as right as I could.
And, uh and then I just got in the car and I drove.
- 39 hours.
- Mm.
Straight to his house.
And I sat there in front and I was was trembling.
I almost turned around, but I'd come this far.
So, I-I I gathered up my nerve, I went, I knocked on the front door, and he opens the door.
And I was breathless.
I I mean, we'd-we'd been chatting online for over a year by this time, but this was the first time I'd ever seen him, you know, in-in RW.
And I just stood there and stared, and finally he says, "Can I help you?" And I laughed.
[LAUGHS.]
'Cause that was, that was his sense of humor.
He was, uh, you know, he liked to play dumb and, uh, and tease me.
So I said "Yes.
I think you can help me.
" And I smiled.
And-and he didn't smile back.
He just kept looking at me and-and then he says again, "Can I help you?" And I can tell that he's not joking.
And then I hear a woman's voice inside saying, "Honey, who's at the door?" And then she's there, next to him, in front of me, and I'm thinking, "Oh, my God.
He's married.
" [CHUCKLES.]
He-he-he-he didn't tell me he was married.
I told him I was married.
I mean, I-I divulged my soul to him.
I held nothing back.
But he didn't tell me that.
So I-I-I-I say, "I-I-It's me.
It's-it's-it's Leon.
I-I've come to-to be with you.
I love you.
" And he again says, "I-I, you know, I don't know who you are.
" You know, he's-he's-he's denying that-that any of this ever happened.
And-And he's scared.
Okay, he's He just didn't have the courage, and-and I understand that.
I mean, I I'd been there.
But I wasn't about to just let this go.
I said, "Just tell her the truth.
She'll understand.
" You know, but he just, he just keeps going on and on, "I-I don't know you.
I, uh" Telling her, "I don't know who this guy is.
" And-And then he finally, he says, "Get the fuck off my porch.
" And shoves me and slams the door in my face.
I mean, what am I gonna do? At that point I'm [TAKES DEEP BREATH.]
I got in the car and checked into the Vista Motel.
Drink, pass out.
Drink, pass out for the next 48 hours.
And then this morning I, uh, I get up.
First day on the new job.
New city.
My freshly ruined life.
And on the way out of the motel, in the lobby, I, uh I picked up this brochure.
Says, uh "San Diego offers some of the best deep-sea fishing in the world.
" I don't regret what I did.
Okay? I-I-I did it for love.
And I will not apologize for that.
And now I would like to go deep-sea fishing and I'm asking if you would like to go with me on Sunday.
Um yeah, we'll come.
Uh, I won't, but thank you.
I'm I get seasick.
But, uh, you guys have fun.
Okay.
I'll see you then.
[CAR DOOR CLOSES.]
Whoa! What the fuck.
Yeah.
Weird guy.
No.
Why aren't you coming with me? Wha are you kidding? I-I'm Go deep-sea fishing with that guy? Not in a million years.
But I'm going.
Yeah, why are you? After that story, I felt like we had to go.
After that story, I was pretty sure I was never gonna go anywhere with that guy.
He is weird and creepy.
And now you're gonna go on a boat with him.
[SIGHS.]
I'll just cancel.
Yeah.
Cancel on that guy.
He seems to take rejection pretty well.
[SIGHS.]
Oh, man.
Say "Drug tunnel.
" [SPEAKS SPANISH.]
: Confirming the docks are compromised.
We're winding down Operation Spearfish.
For now, let's keep Car 27 in place to await further orders.
JANICE: Car 27, please respond.
Car 27.
This is Car 27.
Go ahead.
Yeah, please be advised that Internal Affairs Investigator Leon Fordham is en route to the scene.
What? Wh-Why's he coming here? Over.
He's there to take a statement.
And my guess is because you shot a suspect's ear off and you compromised your entire team's surveillance operation.
Oh, shit.
Um Okay, but who-who is this guy? Do you know? Over.
I don't know.
He's new.
All right, look, let me ask around.
Okay, thanks, Dispatch.
Car 27 out.
[EXHALES.]
You okay? What am I gonna do? Huh? Tell him the truth? Which is I panicked? It-it was all a blur? No, Jesus, you can't say that.
Come on, take a breath, all right? You know what we need to do? We need to do, like, a practice interview, okay? I don't want to relive it.
It's too painful.
I understand that, - but we fucking have to.
Okay? Okay.
- Okay.
Okay.
- I'll tell you what, I'll get in the back.
- Yes.
- Okay.
Okay.
- Get in the back.
Don't slam it.
- [DOOR SLAMS.]
- [SIGHS.]
[DEEP VOICE.]
: Evening, Detective.
How are you this evening? My name is Detective Fordham.
- Right.
- My name is meh - Hmm.
Ah.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
- That's [NORMAL VOICE.]
: I can't.
I'm gonna hurt my throat that way.
- Okay.
- You know what? Okay.
I'll just do, I'll just do, like, breathy.
I'll just do, like, I'll do like Batman.
- All right.
Fine.
- Okay.
[DEEP, BREATHY VOICE.]
: Hello, my name is Detective Leon Fordham.
Take me through the events of the night in question Is he gonna be breathing like that? He may.
I don't know.
Well, uh I approached the-the suspect.
Um - he looked kind of suspicious.
- Okay.
- He, uh, drew his weapon.
- Right.
- I pulled out mine.
- Okay.
Shot him.
Simple.
End of story.
- And that's it? - Yup.
Isn't it true you told your partner that you panicked, and it was all a blur? Wait.
How would he know that? Maybe he got it out of me.
How did he get He got it out of you? - How? - I don't know this guy, but he's obviously good at getting people to talk.
I'm gonna get suspended from the force.
Maybe.
I don't know.
- Maybe? - If you don't keep your mouth shut.
I can keep my mouth shut.
You better keep your mouth shut.
- I'm keeping my - Oh! That's him.
That's got to be him.
- I think that's him.
- Okay, okay, okay, shit, okay.
- Hurry up.
- It's okay, it's okay.
Fuck me.
Okay.
All right.
You know what? I'm getting sick.
- No, stay calm.
- Let's call in sick.
- Stay calm.
- I don't want to let's go home.
Start the car, let's go.
Get out of here.
- If we go now, he won't even see us.
- [TURNS IGNITION.]
- What are you talking about? - He's here.
You're being crazy.
Okay.
He's oh, he's coming, he's coming.
Chill out.
La-di-da Oh Dee-dee-dee.
- Hi.
- Hi.
You must be Leon.
Inspector Fordham? Yeah.
Yeah, you want to buckle in.
Please act like I'm not here, Detectives.
I'm just gonna silently observe you.
- Cool.
- Okay.
JANICE [OVER RADIO.]
: Car 27, apparently this guy is, like, a total maniac and just very intense.
He's not well-liked at all.
- Yeah, have fun.
- Okay, and that's it.
Over.
Uh, Twenty Car 27 all good.
Bye.
Copy that.
["HAPPINESS, MISSOURI" BY EL VY PLAYING.]
While away while someone counts the minutes Happiness, Missouri, I got to get your mind off By the way, I told you we were in this Happiness, Missouri, I got to get your mind off it.
MAN: Intel reporting Las Hormigas Cartel activity in the Otay Mesa area.
There are several known holding warehouses there.
Might be worth putting a few units on it.
ADRIAN: Hey, we should get a stereo - going, right? - No.
Warehouse party, yeah! Get some mad beats going.
No, we're not here to listen to music.
We're here to dig a hole, Adrian.
Wait, an actual hole? Yeah, that's what I told you.
We're here to dig a hole.
I assumed that was code for something else.
What would that be code for? Something not bullshit, like hole digging.
I'm not dressed for digging a hole.
Well, that's what we're here doing, so, uh Well, I'm-I'm not.
I would've put on hole-digging clothes, fuck, if I knew that was the case.
You mind telling me what this hole's for? Uh, I-I don't know what the fucking hole is for.
It doesn't matter, we're supposed to dig a hole and then wait for further instructions.
Okay? Are you sure that we're not digging our own graves? That happens all the time in movies.
We're not digging our own graves.
You know what? Actually this is kind of nice.
You and I get to spend some time together, without the old ball and chain.
She's not my ball and chain.
She's my mom.
No, I know.
No-no disrespect.
I love your mom.
I really do.
I mean, she changed me.
I've had a lot of women, I'm not gonna lie to you.
A lot maybe too many.
Stop fucking talking, okay? You're not my buddy.
You're my mom's boyfriend.
I'm doing this as a favor to you.
Wait, ho Did you just say as a favor to me? - I'm doing this as a favor to you.
- No, no, no, no, no.
I'm doing this as a favor to you.
You haven't worked in, like, two and a half years.
- I'm giving you a job.
- Two and a half years? I haven't worked in three and a half years, okay? Heck, let's call it four.
Unemployed, four years.
This is what I heard.
I heard that you fucked up.
Yep.
That your boy got shot.
Too afraid to tell your boss, so here I am covering, so you don't get in trouble.
Does that sound familiar at all? Yeah, that's what I thought.
Okay - who shot your boy? - It doesn't matter.
The point is, we're here now, and we have a hole to dig, a job to do.
Hell yeah, we do.
We got a job to do.
Fuck shit up, revenge style.
Right? No.
We dig a hole.
No, your boy Marco wants revenge.
My boy Marco wants to get paid, so we dig.
Your boy Marco has to share half his money with me.
You dig? If you want to get paid, you dig.
- Do we dig? - Yes.
A fucking hole.
I But do you dig where I'm coming at? I will dig if I know I'm getting some jack on the other end of my digging.
- That I dig.
- I already told you I already told you, you will get paid if you dig.
I feel like we're using "you dig" differently.
I know what you're doing.
Oh.
You're just delaying the fact - that we're here to dig a hole.
- Okay.
- You got me.
- Is that what's happening? I like wordplay.
- I like to do wordplay.
- That's funny.
But hey, that's something you-you know about me now.
I-I dig wordplay.
- [LAUGHS.]
- There it is again.
That's the first thing you know about me, right? [SIGHS.]
I can't reiterate enough, I'm not dressed for this.
Yeah, Adrian, I said, "We're digging a hole, are you sure you want to wear this fucking outfit?" ADRIAN: I wasn't listening.
GREG [ON RADIO.]
: Hi, this is Greg from Port Security.
Uh, negative, Greg, this is not a good time.
Over and out.
I'm here to observe your normal behavior take the call.
Well, I normally, I Take the call.
Yes, Greg, go ahead.
[CHUCKLES.]
You know what I love about walkie-talkies? There's no voice mail.
The person always answers.
And another thing, you don't have someone's eyes burrowing into you as you speak to them.
That is a burden lifted.
I think I would have been a much better conversationalist when I was younger if I could have blindfolded myself, or the person I was talking to.
Do you want to hear my, uh, Sean Connery impression? - No, thanks.
- Say yes.
- Yes, please.
- Great.
[AS SEAN CONNERY.]
: Load the missiles.
[NORMAL VOICE.]
: Hunt for Red October.
I'm not sure if he actually said that, but he didn't bother to learn a Russian accent, why should I? Okay, that's great.
Thanks, Greg.
Over and out.
Okay, one more thing.
You really got to get over here tonight and see the moonlight on the ocean from my office.
It is shimmering like no man's business.
It's like diamonds cast over a black velvet cloth.
That actually sounds pretty good, Greg.
- I'll see you right there.
- What? Hey, where you going? Where you go? You son of a bitch.
[CHUCKLES.]
He loves to see the moonlight shimmering on the water.
He's a nut for it, so I wish I'd have thought of that.
I would have loved to have gotten out of here to see that, too, so now I Do you generally just narrate your life, Detective? Who are you talking to? I'm not here.
See, I don't understand why this quadrant isn't You can't see the highlight as well, but it is the mirror image of this one.
Do you see what I'm Janice.
[SIGHS.]
What? Do you uh, what's go Are you okay? [SCOFFS.]
I'm doing Kegel exercises.
I'm tightening my vaginal floor.
- Mm-hmm.
- After I had Mason, things got stretched out.
- Yeah.
- So I read in a magazine, - Mm-hmm.
- that when you're at work, you can actually do a Kegel exercise and tighten it back up.
Do you have to look straight at me while you're doing it? Well, I have to look in a straight line, and that's what I was doing until you backed up into it.
See, you just kind of went into my point of view, but if you look back at the screen, - you'd be out of my eyesight.
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah, but your eye contact it feels very intimate.
Could you do me a big favor and stop talking? 'Cause you're making it super weird for me right now.
[GRUNTING AND GROANING.]
[CLATTERING IN DISTANCE.]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR.]
- Come in.
- [DOOR OPENS.]
Hey! - Hey.
Oh.
- Ha-ho! Hey.
You're more handsome than I thought.
Thank you.
Did you ever meet somebody and immediately know you're gonna open a bar with them? - No.
- That's what I'm feeling, - right here.
- Oh - Like, not a bar.
- Right.
Like, a with drinks.
A café.
No, a bar.
That's a bad idea, right? Maybe that's why we should do it, because, hey, nobody ever thought skiing would take off.
[CHUCKLES.]
Not with the cold and all the Right? Hey, sit down.
Sit down.
- Sit down.
- Oh, no, I got - Come on.
- Yeah, okay.
Yeah.
- H-Hey.
- Hey.
I'm warning I am not good with business or with numbers.
- Right.
- But people tell me I have "design flair," whatever that is.
But right now, I'm picturing our two faces on a bar napkin.
And you might think that's an extravagant and again, I'm not good with numbers but I think it's surprisingly affordable.
And I'm talking too much.
[LAUGHS.]
- No, no.
- I'm blowing this! [CHUCKLES.]
Can I just tell you one thing? Okay.
You know the 2003 film Stuck on You, with Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear, about conjoined twins? No.
Well, that was my idea and they stole it.
And that's my ax to grind.
And, um, people tell me I tend to go on about it, but now it's out there, and, uh, if I say it again, you just I'll just shut up.
[CHUCKLES.]
- [SMACKS TABLE.]
- [SIGHS.]
Hey, bu wh-what about that moonlight you promised me? Where's that? - That's something.
- Yeah.
That was You're right.
What'd you call that? It's diamonds on black velvet cloth.
Oh.
Yeah.
It is.
Look at that.
That's exactly what that looks like.
- Like, like diamonds.
- Yeah.
You said that.
- That really - Maybe that's the name of the bar.
The bar? Yeah.
Right.
The bar that you - that we were talking about.
- Call it, uh The Moon.
You Said That.
People love those kinds of phrases, like, "You said that.
" "Hey, let's meet at You Said That's.
" "You said that.
" Comedy night, Tuesday nights.
- Yeah.
- Two dollars.
- Right.
- Cover.
I'd better get going back to the car.
Lot on tonight.
It's-it's a weird night.
It's a weird night, so stay vigilant.
[THUDS.]
Oh, it's, uh, got a remote lock on it.
I got a button right here.
- Oh.
- No.
- You got to do it at the same time.
- Right.
- Okay, can you do it? - All right, I'm gonna count it off.
One, two, three.
One, two, three.
I'm doing it on "two.
" Okay.
One, two, three.
- Here we go.
- Yeah.
- On "two"? Right.
- 1,001.
- 1,002, 1,003 - Is - I'll do it on Mississi - Right.
So that was on "three"? Let's do Mississippi.
One Mississippi.
Two Mississippi.
On "Mississippi"? Hey, look at this one.
"One, two, three, ready, set, go.
" - Go.
- That gives you plenty of prep time.
- Right.
So we're doing what? - One, two, three - Three - Ready, set, go.
Ready, set, go.
Why don't we just drop - Doing it on "set.
" - the one, two, three yeah.
- One, two, three.
- One, two, three.
- Ready, set, go.
- Ready, set.
Yeah.
- You know what? - Yeah.
The button's broken.
ADRIAN: Okay.
All right.
Now I know.
You've been just a little edgy with me.
A little chippy.
And now I know why.
You heard our fight this morning.
- No.
What? - No.
- It's okay.
I get it, yeah.
- What the fuck are you talking about? Look, did your mom and I have a fight this morning? Yes, we did.
Was it sexual in nature? You bet.
At one point, were we grunting like two grizzly bears? Not a question.
Did the neighbor, Dawn and Patty, come over, and say, "What's going on? - Let's call 911"? - S-Seriously.
- They did.
- Adrian, stop.
Okay.
Right, 'cause it's your mom.
- Right.
- Yeah.
I get it.
And I'm new.
It's like a new sheriff in town.
I'm taking up space; you don't know my rhythms, my movements, my habits.
But I'm happy to answer any question I-I have no questions.
And I can't state that, uh, more.
I can't state that I have no questions.
- No questions.
- You have zero questions? None.
Like what that noise from the bathroom was around 3:30 in the morning? I don't know what you're talking about.
Sounded like a, a dentist drill? [IMITATES DRILLING NOISE.]
Here's the here's the God's honest truth.
We have something very special in that department.
However, even I have my limits.
You know, I'm not Superman.
But your mom ooh when it comes to the human body, I mean, she just She wants you to to push yourself to the limit.
I can't sit on my own elbow.
Why that would be pleasurable Just, A stop! Adrian.
Stop.
That's what she said.
- I'm joking.
You set me up.
- That's funny.
Yeah.
I mean, that's a classic.
Everyone loves "That's what she said.
" Right? [CLEARS THROAT.]
Uh, fun fact.
Uh, you heard of Jonestown massacre? - Detective.
- Yeah? - I'm not here.
- Right.
Why are you talking to me? I'm just gonna say okay to Do you hear me? I'm not here.
GREG: Since you're here, why don't we go over our case? CULLEN: I can't stress this enough: it's not our case, Greg, it's my case.
You know what? I've been trying to pretend that your naked hostility is just collegial banter, but it's not.
And I'm not gonna get into a pissing contest with you.
Because you'll win.
You got the badge, you got the car, you got the partner.
You guys have each other, you know? You got backup.
Do I have backup? I don't think so.
Have I ever had backup? No.
My backup is up here, it's in here.
And it's in the Meanwhile, you know what he's thinking, he knows what you're thinking.
Does anyone know what I'm thinking?! - Okay.
- No! I don't have a sidekick to narrate my exploits.
I they don't even give me a guard dog to keep me company.
Who's gonna give me CPR, huh? Who's gonna apply pressure to my wound? All right.
And God forbid God forbid one of you uses disproportionate force, one of you will cover for the crime.
Do I have anyone to cover for my crime? You can't cover for your own crime.
That's just lying.
That's just filling the space in an interrogation 'cause you can't handle the pressure.
Then, what's my point? What's my point?! My point is, everything, the drug, uh, stakeout.
It's drugs, right? I knew it was drugs.
I always did.
Uh, the whole thing, it's just uh, pointless.
What matters is this moment right here.
That's all.
[EXHALES.]
I-I hear you.
I do.
Um, but I'm gonna need you to unlock the door.
[SIGHS.]
Th-There's no There's no button, that's a It just sticks on the bottom.
I just made that up.
You just have to kick it.
Okay.
[SIGHS.]
[THUDS.]
[DOOR CLOSES.]
Hey, ladies.
- Ugh.
- FATIMA: Hey, Tony.
Uh, Fatima, there is a spot left on the softball team.
- Oh, great.
Thank you.
- Yeah, when is that? Uh, Sundays.
Oh, Sundays.
Uh, she can't go.
She's got cooking classes.
I do? Yeah.
Well, cat's out of the bag now, but it was a present as welcome to the job, I got you gourmet cooking classes, and it's every Sunday.
Wh-What-what, uh, what time? 8:00 till 8:00.
A.
m.
till p.
m.
? JANICE: That's right.
It's a long class.
Well, it's a gourmet, premium class.
It costs a lot of money, involves a lot of cream sauces, - so it's special.
- TONY: Well, that's a shame.
Uh, well, you two ladies enjoy your classes, and, uh, I will Bye-bye.
- Yeah.
I see.
Okay.
- Yeah.
- Bye, ladies.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Bye, Tony.
- Okay.
You owe me.
Really? Is he that bad? He seems so nice.
Are you kidding me? He's a complete asshole.
- Oh.
Wha? - And by the way, I am pretty sure he doesn't even need that chair.
Oh.
LEON: Do you want to go deep-sea fishing? Well [CLEARS THROAT.]
- I've never been.
- No.
I've never been.
Yeah, me neither.
Well, maybe we could learn together.
Have you ever given yourself over to love? I mean actually just submitted to love and let everything else go? - No.
- I have.
LEON: I'll never forget seeing his profile for the first time.
I'd been on Grindr for ah, three or four months, I guess, but I didn't think I'd ever seriously consider acting on it and-and and then I saw him.
And everything changed.
He was all I could think about.
He was the-the last thought, the last image in my head every night when I went to sleep.
The first thing I thought about every morning.
I imagined him when I was making love to my wife.
Imagine that.
Making love to my wife and thinking about some man I've never met, who's on the other side of the country.
I finally, I just it just got to the point where-where I-I I had to act on it.
And I started making plans, I I, uh, put in for a transfer to San Diego PD, as you know.
I, uh, made things right with my family as right as I could.
And, uh and then I just got in the car and I drove.
- 39 hours.
- Mm.
Straight to his house.
And I sat there in front and I was was trembling.
I almost turned around, but I'd come this far.
So, I-I I gathered up my nerve, I went, I knocked on the front door, and he opens the door.
And I was breathless.
I I mean, we'd-we'd been chatting online for over a year by this time, but this was the first time I'd ever seen him, you know, in-in RW.
And I just stood there and stared, and finally he says, "Can I help you?" And I laughed.
[LAUGHS.]
'Cause that was, that was his sense of humor.
He was, uh, you know, he liked to play dumb and, uh, and tease me.
So I said "Yes.
I think you can help me.
" And I smiled.
And-and he didn't smile back.
He just kept looking at me and-and then he says again, "Can I help you?" And I can tell that he's not joking.
And then I hear a woman's voice inside saying, "Honey, who's at the door?" And then she's there, next to him, in front of me, and I'm thinking, "Oh, my God.
He's married.
" [CHUCKLES.]
He-he-he-he didn't tell me he was married.
I told him I was married.
I mean, I-I divulged my soul to him.
I held nothing back.
But he didn't tell me that.
So I-I-I-I say, "I-I-It's me.
It's-it's-it's Leon.
I-I've come to-to be with you.
I love you.
" And he again says, "I-I, you know, I don't know who you are.
" You know, he's-he's-he's denying that-that any of this ever happened.
And-And he's scared.
Okay, he's He just didn't have the courage, and-and I understand that.
I mean, I I'd been there.
But I wasn't about to just let this go.
I said, "Just tell her the truth.
She'll understand.
" You know, but he just, he just keeps going on and on, "I-I don't know you.
I, uh" Telling her, "I don't know who this guy is.
" And-And then he finally, he says, "Get the fuck off my porch.
" And shoves me and slams the door in my face.
I mean, what am I gonna do? At that point I'm [TAKES DEEP BREATH.]
I got in the car and checked into the Vista Motel.
Drink, pass out.
Drink, pass out for the next 48 hours.
And then this morning I, uh, I get up.
First day on the new job.
New city.
My freshly ruined life.
And on the way out of the motel, in the lobby, I, uh I picked up this brochure.
Says, uh "San Diego offers some of the best deep-sea fishing in the world.
" I don't regret what I did.
Okay? I-I-I did it for love.
And I will not apologize for that.
And now I would like to go deep-sea fishing and I'm asking if you would like to go with me on Sunday.
Um yeah, we'll come.
Uh, I won't, but thank you.
I'm I get seasick.
But, uh, you guys have fun.
Okay.
I'll see you then.
[CAR DOOR CLOSES.]
Whoa! What the fuck.
Yeah.
Weird guy.
No.
Why aren't you coming with me? Wha are you kidding? I-I'm Go deep-sea fishing with that guy? Not in a million years.
But I'm going.
Yeah, why are you? After that story, I felt like we had to go.
After that story, I was pretty sure I was never gonna go anywhere with that guy.
He is weird and creepy.
And now you're gonna go on a boat with him.
[SIGHS.]
I'll just cancel.
Yeah.
Cancel on that guy.
He seems to take rejection pretty well.
[SIGHS.]
Oh, man.
Say "Drug tunnel.
" [SPEAKS SPANISH.]