No Tomorrow (2016) s01e02 Episode Script
No Crying in Baseball
1 - Oh, I'm Xavier.
With an "X.
" - Your life is so much fun! - Gotta live life while I can.
- What does that mean? Humankind only has eight months and 12 days left on Earth.
- You're serious? - Yeah, the apocalypse is, um, nigh.
(alarm blaring) This is my apocalyst.
This is every last thing I want to do before things go kaput.
(yelling) You in? Previously on No Tomorrow DEIRDRE: I harbor feelings for Hank.
I will require your assistance to win his affection.
Maybe you helped me learn to seize the day, - but I will be seizing at my own pace, thank you very much.
- Okay.
- What's next? - (knocking) Jesse.
I need whatever tool takes these off my body.
Holy smokes! (siren blaring) Officer, please.
You're making a huge mistake.
- You're under arrest.
- No! Okay, Tucker, come eat the oatmeal that Aunt Evie made for you.
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
Start talking.
I've been waiting days to dish.
Tell me everything about this new guy.
Honestly, I don't even know that much about him yet, but he's smart and adventurous and - What? - Well, he's got a bit of an edge.
Cuz, what's the deal with your fox, man? Oh, dude, she's great.
Look at you.
Totally blushing, man.
You're turning the color of this jumpsuit.
She's different.
I don't know.
She's smart, she's really funny.
Yeah, not to mention incredibly Sexy! He pushed me against a wall, and picked me up with one hand, and I just, like, went blind with bliss.
Has that ever happened to you when you and Chris are, like, you know? He once broke his collarbone trying to step out of his briefs.
(groans) Hey.
Thanks again for busting me loose, cuz.
Hey, you're practically my brother.
Got eight months left.
I'm not gonna let you die in jail.
(sighs) Oh, your apocalyst.
You're still crossing one off every day? Yup.
Freeing you was number 38.
Oh, well, thank God for that asteroid, I guess.
- WOMAN (on TV): And now breaking news.
- XAVIER: Wow.
Your mug shot is appalling.
Those cornrows are the only thing I'm guilty of.
XAVIER: You know, you should probably lie low for a while.
I mean, just until the heat dies down.
- (grunts) - I don't know.
This just doesn't seem like you.
What? The hot sauce? (panting) Really livens up the eggs.
The hot guy and the hot sauce.
- It's a new Evie.
- (whimpers) Would you like some milk? Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! (sighs) (moaning) (panting) So was that everything you imagined? The legroom was, like, really tight.
Yeah, maybe we should try it in a phone booth next time.
Oh.
So adding more things to your list? âRun a 5Kâ? âJump off a high diveâ? Yeah, or a medium dive, or a small dive.
I'm not actually picky.
- Oh, I'm glad you're buying in.
- Mmm.
- To the list.
I'm buying into the list.
- Oh, okay.
I love lists, but, you know, doesn't mean that I believe that the apocalypse is coming.
You'll come around.
My place, drinks tonight? Um No? What's wrong? Well, your cousin you do have a plan, right? - Yeah, of course I do.
- Good, 'cause I was feeling a little uneasy about him and the whole situation, really.
Don't worry about it, okay? I'm on top of it.
(laughing): That's funny, 'cause earlier, I was on top of you.
- I'm gonna go.
- Okay.
Mm, mm-mm, mm Mm, mm-mm, mm - (horn honks) - Ow! Mm, mm-mm, mm, mm, mm-mm, mm Operation Hanky Panky is officially underway.
Oh, I don't think we need a code name.
Would you prefer âOperation You Agreed To Have Hank Fall In Love With Me So You Could Keep Your Jobâ? Hanky Panky it is! Excellent.
Now in addition to his raw masculinity, let's say Hank appears to be carrying an unusual amount of stress.
According to our HR guidelines, am I allowed to rub his knotty broad shoulders until the tension is mercifully released? It-it, uh it says here that that would be inappropriate.
Normally, I would applaud such strict employee oversight, but that really limits our options.
You know what? Maybe you could just try to being nice.
Am I not nice? No.
You are.
It's just occasionally, you can come off a little intimidating.
Because you're such a strong, powerful, impressive woman.
I suppose I could work on more accessibility.
Unless there's anything else You know what? Actually, um there is just one more thing.
I was hoping to officially toss my CyberHugs hat into the CyberHugs ring.
You can't.
All hiring is frozen until further notice.
- Why? - There's a briefing at 3:00.
Due to your underwhelming performance, corporate has hired an outside consulting firm Our friends here from Excessive Solutions To conduct employee interviews over the course of the next few days.
There will be layoffs.
But we will emerge from this process a leaner, more efficient Cybermart.
That is all.
KAREEMA: Is it just me, or were those Excessive Solutions execs excessively sexy? It's just you.
I wouldn't mind one of them laying me off.
You know what I mean? Do you think our evaluations are gonna be with all eight of those executives at once? - God, I hope so.
- I'm gonna lock up.
I'm horrible in high-pressure situations.
It's always been a thing for me.
I just I panic and go mute.
No kidding.
You couldn't even handle game night.
TIMOTHY: Your favorite band when you were 12.
Posh, Sporty, Sperry Bikey, uh, uh Oregano Gals! I really, really, really want you to guess this.
- Baby! Ooh - Two-word young women.
- Cinnamon Chicks! - Pass.
- You went to the concert.
- I didn't even Oh, hey, I am a way better clue-giver than I am a guesser! Well, you're not that good of a clue-giver either.
I'm toast.
(sighs) I don't know, Mary-Anne.
Maybe you should just save your money.
Friggin' Barry always wins SOTY.
Salesman of the Year, to you laymen.
The guy could sell a washer-dryer combo to a nudist colony.
Well, you're never gonna win with that attitude, Dad.
You know what, I'm not just gonna buy this toaster today.
Sign me up for the extended warranty.
You mean it, sweetie? Dad Take him down.
(whispering) Watch this.
Ma'am Ma'am, when it comes to blenders, it's all about variable speed control.
Hi.
Yeah.
So, Dad is wigging out about SOTY again.
Well, at least he has a stable job.
What's that mean? Nothing, just layoffs.
But it'll be fine.
And, you know, we'll do something nice for Dad if Barry wins, which he will because Barry always wins.
But, hey, I have to go, okay.
Hot date with Mr.
Tapatio? Señor Sriracha? Chief Cholula? I'm trying out nicknames for him.
Yeah, and you're 0 for three.
Hey, wait, um, seriously I'm.
.
'm I'm really happy that you're so happy about this guy.
Me, too.
Bye.
I have to say, this is pretty dang romantic.
Yeah, it just sort of puts things in perspective, doesn't it? So, where is your asteroid? Uh, well this star field's a bit outdated, but probably somewhere over by that light.
You really think it's gonna hit us? (sighs) Yeah, I've done the math, Evie.
Eventually, you, and NASA and Twitter will catch up, but until then, let's just savor every second.
(loud banging) What was that? (Jesse grunts) Sorry, guys.
(grunts) I underestimated the raw girth of this new recliner.
Perfect timing, Jesse.
Thank you, cuz.
Craigslist.
Guy wanted $60.
Uh-uh.
$45.
(lightly chuckles) I, uh I thought you had a plan.
Yeah, I do.
He's gonna live in the basement.
That's that's the plan.
Wh for how long? Indefinitely.
Well not indefinitely.
More like eight months and seven days.
What? You're gonna let an escaped cri cnal live in your basement? It's perfect.
There are no windows, there's loads of space, and we'll still get to hang out.
Hey, I'm gonna help out with utilities and stuff.
Some of the utilities and stuff.
Gas, maybe the trash.
I don't know yet, but we'll talk about it.
Can I just can I talk to you over there for a second? You're harboring a fugitive.
He's family, all right? He's practically my brother.
We spent every summer together as kids.
No, he is a convicted felon.
He stole millions.
Actually, technically, I reappropriated millions.
I took it from the crooked CEO pot and then put it into the little guy's pot.
I mean, as felonies go, that's pretty noble.
Yeah, and I said I was sorry at the trial.
Look, we've got eight months left to live.
Okay? I'm not going to let him rot in jail.
It's practically a death sentence.
Well, what if you get caught? Then you'll both be in jail when the world ends.
If the world ends, which it might not, - by the way.
- It will.
You're risking everything on a hunch! Well, some risks are worth taking, Evie.
We all get to decide what's important to us.
End of the world or not.
And he's important to me.
And he's not going anywhere.
So, I hope you can make peace with that.
I should call and turn him in.
What are you doing? If you knew someone who was mixed up in an illegal activity, would you alert the authorities? - No way.
- Depends.
What's the activity? Uh an illegal pet in the basement.
Are we talking, like, large predator, hoofed mammal, non-native amphibian? I don't know, like a ferret.
Ah, well, a ferret's completely legal in this state.
It's not actually a ferret, like a ferret.
Okay, bottom line, don't turn the person in.
Nobody likes a rat.
Also, illegal pet, for the record.
Okay I heard Lorenzo's getting fired.
Want to come watch? Oh, I don't think so.
I feel like it'll make me more anxious about my own evaluation.
Okay, suit yourself.
Five bucks says he's gonna cry.
I'm in.
So, how are things going with Xavier? - It's pronounced âZavier.
â - I thought it was with an âXâ" It's spelled with an âX,â but it sounds like a âZ.
â How are things with Zavier? It's kinda tricky.
Because he got a ferret? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Yikes.
Well, you know, uh, I just gotta I need to get I'm gonna go over here for a minute.
(sighs) (whispering): âXâ does not mark the spot! Hank, is that you? I said âXâ does not mark the spot! What spot? What are you talking about? Evie's new guy They're on the rocks.
You still got a shot.
- Really? - Yeah, get in there! Then I don't have to choose between you guys.
- You look tense.
- Whoa! I am.
I'm, uh, not going to rub your shoulders.
That would be inappropriate.
Here it is.
Cheese! You blinked.
- Again? - Yes.
XAVIER: Maybe try doing one without the flash.
Anything to move this along.
I've gotta pick up my kid at kindergarten in 20 minutes.
Perfect! There is your new driver's license photo.
Oh, well, it's better than your mug shot.
JESSE: Gorgeous.
Can I pick my own name? Knock yourself out.
Okay.
Steve.
No, Harvey.
Steve Harvey.
Like the comedian? God! Yeah, crap.
Um Harvey Stevens.
Harvey Stevens, born Sioux City, Iowa, 1981, in a hospital What do you think? FORGER: I'll have your license in 24 hours.
Ten grand, cash, on delivery.
Dude, I don't have that.
I put my life on plastic.
I know where to find some cheddar.
Lorenzo didn't cry.
But he did get fired.
DEIRDRE: May I join the group? Of course.
I know I'm the boss, but I've been working on getting in touch with my ordinary side.
And what better way than to have lunch with you three? I'm going to check my e-mail.
Hank what kind of music do you like? I don't really like music.
Actually I like certain noises and sound effects.
I guess that counts as music.
I like noises, too.
You know, I was just curious if anyone at the table has any hidden talents.
I can pretend I'm interested in mundane conversations.
I know Morse code.
Wow, that's really interesting, Hank! Deirdre, do you have any hidden talents? Thank you very much for asking, Evie.
And, yes, I do.
My favorite being the ability to tie a cherry stem into a knot with just my tongue.
All right, I'm gonna go get some more mashed potatoes.
That's against HR guideli ines.
Why? Yeah, Evie, why? I don't know.
What what That conversation was a total disaster.
No I thought it was a strong first step.
But maybe next time you could just try doing something nice for him.
Within HR guidelines.
Dude, you kept all my stuff! Yeah, I don't know why.
JESSE: Here we go.
What are you gonna do with all this? Whoa.
I thought you gave all this away.
Yeah, there's a broker's fee on every transaction.
- Uh-huh.
- Hand me a bag.
That's a lot of money.
Yeah.
Dude what? Our time capsule! You were supposed to bury this.
Yeah, I mean, I kinda did in a way, right? You are ridiculous.
Open that up.
Look at this.
The first beer we stole! What? Randy Johnson? Look at these two Randy Johnsons.
XAVIER: Look at us! We were handsome lads, man.
(chuckles) XAVIER: Oh, my gosh.
Is that from your mom? Yeah.
Did you know she put it in there? No, no.
No, she must have slipped it in.
I don't even know how you'd watch one of those anymore.
I think you'd need, like, a camcorder or something.
(sighs) JESSE: That's heavy, man.
(sighs) Timothy, hey.
What are you doing here? Uh, you, um you left some of your stuff at my house.
Thought you might want it back.
I remember this.
I still have this sweater.
Me, too.
Anyways, I actually don't This isn't mine.
The frame's yours.
So, you might you might as well just hold onto the picture.
Okay, well thanks.
Bye.
Well, actually, uh I think you I think you might have some of my stuff, too.
Really? Yeah, I can come in and grab it.
(chuckles) So how's the new guy? Fine.
Just just fine? Yep.
- Cool.
Cool.
- (awkward chuckle) Is there anything else? Um yeah.
The the battery in your smoke detector.
Yeah, I bought it.
Sure.
Yeah.
Here, I'll support you.
I always will.
What? Can I ask you a question? What do you see in him? Oh uh I don't really feel comfortable Hank says that he's super handsome and dangerous.
Well, you're handsome, too.
But not dangerous? You always made me feel safe.
And that was one of my favorite things about you.
(electrical zap) Guess there's still a little spark.
Hank, âXâ does not mark the spot.
âTâ does.
Let's do this.
We can get her back.
It's Timothy, by the way.
(classic music plays) (classical music continues through headphones) - (rustling) - Oh! Ooh! (groans) Oh I saw that going smoother.
What are you doing? Why did you just come through the window? It played out differently in my mind.
I did try knocking, like, a lot, but you didn't answer.
And this is kind of important.
Okay, well, you're here, so what's up? I want you and Jesse to bond.
Okay? If you're ever gonna get comfortable with this situation No, I don't have time.
- Then just listen.
- I don't have time.
No, none of us do.
That's the point.
No, you don't understand.
On Monday, I have to justify my job to an eight-person panel of executives, and I'm probably gonna blow it and lock up, like I always do.
Well, you're not gonna find the answer in a book.
Well, that's all I have, so (chuckles) Okay if Jesse and I help you with this, will you come on an adventure with us? Help how? So before Jesse was incarcerated, he worked as a financial advisor for Simonson Sacks in the city.
So he knows a lot about high-pressure work environments.
I can't believe I'm doing this.
- Okay, you ready? - Yeah, I guess so.
Jesse you're up.
Ms.
Covington I've had a chance to look over your résumé.
How did you get a copy of my résumé? Are you calling me a liar, Ms.
Covington? No.
Strike one! Now What Strike one? How many gallons, Ms.
Covington, of white paint do you think are sold in the United States each year? I I Do you understand why I'm asking you that question, Ms.
Covington? (sighs) To assess your ability to attack a problem with no immediate answer, and to observe your critical thinking skills.
Now, Ms.
Covington, how many gallons of white paint? The paint! Answer the question about the paint! XAVIER: Okay, time out.
Maybe we need a different approach.
For the record, I would've accepted any answer.
You keep locking up because you're getting stuck in your head.
Physical activity will clear your mind.
So one of us is gonna throw the ball, while the other asks a question.
You try to answer and hit the ball - at the same time, got it? - You ready? - Okay.
- What are your strengths and weaknesses? I, uh Oh! Why do we even need a quality control department? - Because Oh.
- What are your goals - within this company? - A-plus quality control! Oh! I hit one! Ha! - Why don't we fire you on the spot? - Because my dedication - to ingenuity! Oh! - Ugh! Oh! Oh! - Oh! - Aw, Jesse.
You all right? Did I catch it? I'm so sorry! It's okay.
I'm good, I'm good.
It's fine, between this and the wig, nobody'll recognize me.
HANK: Let's see the new you! T-Nasty? TIMOTHY: I don't feel great about this.
You want to win her back, this is the type of guy she's into now.
Yeah.
You're looking all cool.
- (chuckles) - You sure he dresses like this? He is so fashion-forward.
It's like he's in the past and in the future at the same time.
I can't even fit my cellphone in these pants.
You just have to ask yourself: would you rather have your cell phone, or the woman you love? Woman I love.
Okay.
Good choice.
Now We're almost there.
There's just one more thing - You were great out there.
- (chuckles) With a little more prep, you're gonna crush this interview.
Bit like you crushed Jesse's face.
Oh, no! I feel so bad about that.
I hope he's okay.
EVIE: Do you think the swelling's gone down? Nope.
But I did find this camcorder in the basement, if you want to watch the video.
So Good night, lovebirds.
Night! Make sure you keep the Ice on it, to numb the pain.
Oh! It's cold.
It's worth it.
You're gonna look fly.
Okay, I can do this.
I can do this.
Okay.
Make me a badass.
I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, Quiet T.
Oh, uh, make me a badass.
Still not getting it.
Make me a badass! Whoo! Look out, world! Because we got ourselves a stud! (both screaming) (screams echo) (crickets chirping) Hey there, Bugs.
(laughs) As soon as you and Jesse dig this up, you call me.
You're probably an adult now and you don't call me enough Morning! Hey.
(chuckles) Sorry again for breaking your nose.
Oh, don't sweat it.
- It'll give my face some character.
- Oh! Well, I still feel bad.
I would gladly sacrifice my schnoz to help a friend in need.
You're gonna kick some serious tail in that evaluation.
I think I really misjudged you.
Yeah.
It kind of hurt my feelings, but (exhales) You also could've turned me into the fuzz at any time, and you didn't.
So, we're even.
Can I ask you something? I'm a open friggin' book.
Last night, Xavier was watching a home video and Mm.
I'm gonna stop you right there, and close the friggin' book.
Okay.
You have to ask him if you want to know about his mom.
Oh.
Okay.
Can I ask you just one more thing? Do you believe in his apocalypse theory? It is a little out there, but I will say, if you'd been through the stuff that he has you'd be a little crazy, too.
You know, but let's not get into that.
I will tell you a funny story.
This one time, in Bucharest, Xavier was so drunk on kamikazes that he puked inside my suitcase, but we were late for the flight - so I had to just zip it up and go.
- (chuckles) No way! - Yeah.
Customs was not amused.
- Oh! My two favorite people.
Mm.
Jessie's just telling me all of your embarrassing stories.
- Ah, bugger.
- JESSE: Yeah.
And then, - of course, the time that he - (microwave beeps) - goat, and he got - (beeps) - from the - (beeps) This microwave isn't working.
Evie, do you want to explain that one? - (electrical crackling) - (shrieks) Oh, yeah, we fried it.
But actually, that's great.
Let me buy you a new one.
My dad's vying for Salesman of the Year at his store, so helping you will help him.
Perfect.
We'll give you a lift.
Okay.
We going on a road trip? I'll just run in and out.
EVIE: Balls! Barry sold a hot tub? Yeah.
I've never sold a hot tub.
Nobody sells hot tubs.
I'll never gonna catch him now.
There aren't enough toasters in the world.
Um Dad, are you okay? Yeah.
Never better.
I, uh I decided to take your sister's advice, and pick up some extra shifts.
Every shift, in fact.
I haven't left the store.
I even slept in the hot tub.
Till Barry sold it.
- Oh, boy - Yep! (sighs) I was crashing pretty hard this morning, but Warren, one of the stock boys, gave me some caffeine pills.
(chuckles) I-I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna win the contest, but I will tell you what, I am awake.
(both laugh) Ah Any who, you still want the microwave, sweetie? Yeah.
Yep! She wants it! (chuckles) She wants it! Yeah! JESSE: Oh, man, this thing's got its own baked potato setting.
- That's boss! - EVIE: Well, I'm glad you like it.
I splurged a bit because my dad needed the boost.
(tires screech) Dead Man's Cliff? I can't get that wet.
Wait, wait, wait.
What is happening? Number 56.
What's number 56 Fifty Holy smokes.
XAVIER: Number 56.
Dead Man's Cliff.
We always wanted to do this as kids, but we chickened out every time.
I don't blame you.
It's really high.
Oh, just to be clear, you're coming, too.
Oh, no.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I saw your list.
Number ten.
âJump off a high dive.
â This counts.
No, no, no, no.
This is different.
Okay, a high dive, it's it's in a pool and it's, like, ten feet high and you can see the bottom.
And there's a lifeguard.
No.
This is a cliff, okay? You don't know how deep the water is, or if there are even - rocks under there.
- I'll let you know! - (gasps) - Oh! (whoops) Ooh! - XAVIER: Jesse! - (Evie shrieks) Oh, Jesse! - No, I can't do this, I can't do this! - Yes, you can - Hey, hey, hey, relax! - I can't do this, I can't - (spits) - No rocks! - Evie.
- Hmm.
- Hey.
Can I tell you something? - Yeah.
I heard you asking Jesse this morning about my mum.
She died.
When I was at university.
I'm so sorry.
Actually, I just found this old tape she made me, and I can't even get the whole way through it.
I don't know, it's just It's still She had some family in Seattle.
So we used to spend summers here when I was a kid.
I'll see you at the bottom, Bugs? Okay.
Maybe next summer.
XAVIER: And I never jumped with her.
And my God, I wish I had.
(exhales) But now, I'm here with you, and it's perfect.
Listen if you can face this, all right, you can face that executive panel.
You can face anything.
Come on.
Take, take my hand Come on.
We're coming, Jesse! (whoops) - Yeah? - Yeah! Deep breath.
Yeah.
- (whoops) - (screams) The spirit moves inside of me The spirit moves The spirit moves inside of me (laughter) - Xavier, we did it! - We did it! - Nice! We did it! - We did it! Ooh! Caught a fish.
- 1995 - Ah! Vintage, skunky beer.
Mm.
Ah.
- (can clatters) - (tires screech, siren chirps) (indistinct radio transmission) Oh, Jesse.
You idiot.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
XAVIER (quietly): Oh, great.
(indistinct radio transmission) Afternoon, Officer.
How's it going? License and registration, please.
We're really sorry for the littering.
That was my fault, man.
I-I thought it was biodegradable.
I'm gonna need IDs for everyone.
Let's see Miss, this is a library card.
Sorry Officer.
I'm just a little nervous.
For no reason whatsoever.
(chuckles) I'm not nervous, too, sir.
Harvey Stevens.
You.
Get out of the car.
Hmm? (sighs) Pick up the can.
Don't do it again.
Yes, sir, Officer.
Copy that, thank you.
(grunting): 10-4.
Harvey Stevens, Sioux City, Iowa, does it again.
Let's go.
(sighs) - (engine starts) - I'm so sorry.
Just take me home.
Yeah.
Hey, hang on.
Would you stay there? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Look, I'll take care of it.
All right? For real this time.
What does that mean? Look, it's one thing for me to take a risk, but I can't put you at risk.
(inhales sharply) You matter to me.
Look, I'll get Jesse a new passport, fly him out of the country.
Set him up with a new life.
What is wrong with you? Well, probably a lot, but Fly a fugitive out of the country on a fake passport? That's the riskiest plan of all.
Yeah, but you won't be a part of it.
But you will! And that makes me a part of it because you (sighs) matter to me.
What do you want me to do? I can't turn my back on him, all right? He's family.
And freeing him was part of my list.
You're gonna let that thing dictate your whole life.
You're both just gonna end up in jail.
Evie All right, well, good luck tomorrow.
Thank you for coming in to see us, Ms.
Covington.
You're welcome for having me.
You're in the quality control department? This is correct.
(tape rewinding) Hey there, Bugs! (laughs) As soon as you and Jesse dig this up, you call me.
You're probably an adult now and you don't call me enough.
(sighs) Also, I well, I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you.
I know you're going to end up doing something that changes the world.
You remember that every day is a gift, so always try and follow your heart.
I love you, Bugs.
Mwah.
(laughs): Oh Try and keep your cousin out of jail.
(sighs) MALE EXECUTIVE: How long have you been in your position? Um, five Five-five-ish years.
And in that time, do you feel you've been an asset to your division? Um, well FEMALE EXECUTIVE: Given that your department is rife with problems, why shouldn't we let you go? XAVIER: If you can face this, you can face that executive panel, you can face anything.
There is no one here who knows how this place runs better than me.
I know that the thipping department desperately needs to update their software.
I know that the trucks are sometimes half-full because fulfillment and shipping don't communicate well enough.
And I know that because everyone is hurried and overworked, packages frequently end up in the wrong place, sometimes even the wrong country.
Fly him out of the country.
Set him up with a new life.
Ms.
Covington? My point is, we should fix the kinks in the system before we lay people off.
And unless there's anything else, I should get back to work.
No baloney with that one.
I like that.
Mm-hmm.
HANK: You should just let the clothes wear you.
Wow.
That's-that's good.
Hey, you.
Um, um, Hank and I, we're-we're gonna go grab a bite.
You want to join us? What happened to your ear? Hmm? Oh, uh, pierced it.
Yeah, I was gonna do both but uh it hurt too much.
Doesn't T-bone look cool, huh? Like a real badass? I'm glad you're trying new things, but got to say, I'm a fan of Original T.
I'm sorry, I have to go.
It's okay, man.
Cool pants.
Thanks.
Can I borrow 'em? TIMOTHY: I told you they were women's pants.
HANK: I thought they were men's pants.
TIMOTHY: Look at them! HANK: Well, they had the little rips in them and stuff.
I thought it was just You have very fine legs.
TIMOTHY: Well, thank you.
HANK: You're welcome.
I'm a big girl now, don't try to tell me what to do 'Cause now I'm ready And that's for sure This fire inside me's burning right from in the core Sorry! Than before Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing?! - What are you doing? - I went running to find you! I was running to find you! Okay, listen, - stop just listen.
Had some very good advice to follow my heart.
- Okay.
- I'm gonna let Jesse go on his own.
- No.
Hey, listen.
(panting) You can take certain risks if you think them through.
And, luckily, I'm a think-it-through kind of girl, and I have a plan to get him out of the country.
Just hold on.
Okay, um (pants) (exhales) Okay, um Is Jesse claustrophobic? Um, well, he spent three years in an eight-by-eight cell, so no.
Good.
Hi, Bill.
Hi, Bill.
Oh.
Just lift with your legs.
Leg lift.
(chuckles) - You all right in there, Jesse? - Yeah, snug as a bug in a rug, cuz.
Next stop, Saskatchewan.
The St.
Croix of Central Canada, eh? Fragile cargo, bro.
Don't want you jostling around too much.
I love you, cuz.
- I love you, too, mate.
- Okay.
(chuckles) (laughs) (knocking) - We can all still hang out.
- What? I know you're bummed that Timothy and I split, but everyone still gets to stay friends.
It won't be the same.
It was the three of us.
Now we're like Destiny's Child without Beyoncé.
Aw.
You think I'm the Beyoncé? No, I'm the Beyoncé.
I am Beyoncé.
But the point I'm trying to make is we're one man down.
Look, I know it'll be different.
But it's not the end.
Really? So maybe the three of us can get together - and we can do a game night next week.
- Yeah, I'd love that.
- And then we can all do dinner and a movie.
- Okay, one step at a time.
- All right.
- Hank, I noticed you're carrying some undue stress in your lower back and shoulders, so I bought you this special ergonomic desk chair.
- (chuckles) - (chuckles) (moans) I think you'll find that it provides more than sufficient lumbar support.
Whew.
Man.
Thanks, Deirdre.
That's really nice of you.
Yes.
It is nice.
(Hank sighs) HANK: Am I on vacation or am I at work? I don't even know anymore.
GARY: It's perfect.
- I love it! - Screw Barry and Salesman of the Year.
Even if you didn't get SOTY, you're still our FOTY.
Boy-howdy, do I have a surprise for you.
(gasps) No way! I don't get it.
- You were so far behind Barry.
- I know! But you girls encouraged me, and I don't know I just figured it's y-you know, it's now or never.
Then this-this super nice Australian guy came in.
Or maybe he was British I don't know But he was real handsome and cool, you know? Like a like a professional saxophone player.
And I sold him nine washing machines.
I beat Barry by $14! (laughs) Did he have a beard? Yeah.
Yeah, he had a beard and piercing eyes and he was wearing one of those one of those really cool man beanies.
You rascal! You went to great lengths to help someone I love.
I figured I should do the same.
How did you afford this? - Are you gonna miss these? - No.
Seemed a good way to clean some dirty money.
What are you gonna do with all these washing machines? You ever heard of a Barcelona foam party? I'm the type of girl who runs about town It's time for me to stop and let my hair down I I get what I want You got what I need My heart is on fire so we're going in deep I'm taking my aim and you know it's true I get what I want and I want you.
With an "X.
" - Your life is so much fun! - Gotta live life while I can.
- What does that mean? Humankind only has eight months and 12 days left on Earth.
- You're serious? - Yeah, the apocalypse is, um, nigh.
(alarm blaring) This is my apocalyst.
This is every last thing I want to do before things go kaput.
(yelling) You in? Previously on No Tomorrow DEIRDRE: I harbor feelings for Hank.
I will require your assistance to win his affection.
Maybe you helped me learn to seize the day, - but I will be seizing at my own pace, thank you very much.
- Okay.
- What's next? - (knocking) Jesse.
I need whatever tool takes these off my body.
Holy smokes! (siren blaring) Officer, please.
You're making a huge mistake.
- You're under arrest.
- No! Okay, Tucker, come eat the oatmeal that Aunt Evie made for you.
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
Start talking.
I've been waiting days to dish.
Tell me everything about this new guy.
Honestly, I don't even know that much about him yet, but he's smart and adventurous and - What? - Well, he's got a bit of an edge.
Cuz, what's the deal with your fox, man? Oh, dude, she's great.
Look at you.
Totally blushing, man.
You're turning the color of this jumpsuit.
She's different.
I don't know.
She's smart, she's really funny.
Yeah, not to mention incredibly Sexy! He pushed me against a wall, and picked me up with one hand, and I just, like, went blind with bliss.
Has that ever happened to you when you and Chris are, like, you know? He once broke his collarbone trying to step out of his briefs.
(groans) Hey.
Thanks again for busting me loose, cuz.
Hey, you're practically my brother.
Got eight months left.
I'm not gonna let you die in jail.
(sighs) Oh, your apocalyst.
You're still crossing one off every day? Yup.
Freeing you was number 38.
Oh, well, thank God for that asteroid, I guess.
- WOMAN (on TV): And now breaking news.
- XAVIER: Wow.
Your mug shot is appalling.
Those cornrows are the only thing I'm guilty of.
XAVIER: You know, you should probably lie low for a while.
I mean, just until the heat dies down.
- (grunts) - I don't know.
This just doesn't seem like you.
What? The hot sauce? (panting) Really livens up the eggs.
The hot guy and the hot sauce.
- It's a new Evie.
- (whimpers) Would you like some milk? Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! (sighs) (moaning) (panting) So was that everything you imagined? The legroom was, like, really tight.
Yeah, maybe we should try it in a phone booth next time.
Oh.
So adding more things to your list? âRun a 5Kâ? âJump off a high diveâ? Yeah, or a medium dive, or a small dive.
I'm not actually picky.
- Oh, I'm glad you're buying in.
- Mmm.
- To the list.
I'm buying into the list.
- Oh, okay.
I love lists, but, you know, doesn't mean that I believe that the apocalypse is coming.
You'll come around.
My place, drinks tonight? Um No? What's wrong? Well, your cousin you do have a plan, right? - Yeah, of course I do.
- Good, 'cause I was feeling a little uneasy about him and the whole situation, really.
Don't worry about it, okay? I'm on top of it.
(laughing): That's funny, 'cause earlier, I was on top of you.
- I'm gonna go.
- Okay.
Mm, mm-mm, mm Mm, mm-mm, mm - (horn honks) - Ow! Mm, mm-mm, mm, mm, mm-mm, mm Operation Hanky Panky is officially underway.
Oh, I don't think we need a code name.
Would you prefer âOperation You Agreed To Have Hank Fall In Love With Me So You Could Keep Your Jobâ? Hanky Panky it is! Excellent.
Now in addition to his raw masculinity, let's say Hank appears to be carrying an unusual amount of stress.
According to our HR guidelines, am I allowed to rub his knotty broad shoulders until the tension is mercifully released? It-it, uh it says here that that would be inappropriate.
Normally, I would applaud such strict employee oversight, but that really limits our options.
You know what? Maybe you could just try to being nice.
Am I not nice? No.
You are.
It's just occasionally, you can come off a little intimidating.
Because you're such a strong, powerful, impressive woman.
I suppose I could work on more accessibility.
Unless there's anything else You know what? Actually, um there is just one more thing.
I was hoping to officially toss my CyberHugs hat into the CyberHugs ring.
You can't.
All hiring is frozen until further notice.
- Why? - There's a briefing at 3:00.
Due to your underwhelming performance, corporate has hired an outside consulting firm Our friends here from Excessive Solutions To conduct employee interviews over the course of the next few days.
There will be layoffs.
But we will emerge from this process a leaner, more efficient Cybermart.
That is all.
KAREEMA: Is it just me, or were those Excessive Solutions execs excessively sexy? It's just you.
I wouldn't mind one of them laying me off.
You know what I mean? Do you think our evaluations are gonna be with all eight of those executives at once? - God, I hope so.
- I'm gonna lock up.
I'm horrible in high-pressure situations.
It's always been a thing for me.
I just I panic and go mute.
No kidding.
You couldn't even handle game night.
TIMOTHY: Your favorite band when you were 12.
Posh, Sporty, Sperry Bikey, uh, uh Oregano Gals! I really, really, really want you to guess this.
- Baby! Ooh - Two-word young women.
- Cinnamon Chicks! - Pass.
- You went to the concert.
- I didn't even Oh, hey, I am a way better clue-giver than I am a guesser! Well, you're not that good of a clue-giver either.
I'm toast.
(sighs) I don't know, Mary-Anne.
Maybe you should just save your money.
Friggin' Barry always wins SOTY.
Salesman of the Year, to you laymen.
The guy could sell a washer-dryer combo to a nudist colony.
Well, you're never gonna win with that attitude, Dad.
You know what, I'm not just gonna buy this toaster today.
Sign me up for the extended warranty.
You mean it, sweetie? Dad Take him down.
(whispering) Watch this.
Ma'am Ma'am, when it comes to blenders, it's all about variable speed control.
Hi.
Yeah.
So, Dad is wigging out about SOTY again.
Well, at least he has a stable job.
What's that mean? Nothing, just layoffs.
But it'll be fine.
And, you know, we'll do something nice for Dad if Barry wins, which he will because Barry always wins.
But, hey, I have to go, okay.
Hot date with Mr.
Tapatio? Señor Sriracha? Chief Cholula? I'm trying out nicknames for him.
Yeah, and you're 0 for three.
Hey, wait, um, seriously I'm.
.
'm I'm really happy that you're so happy about this guy.
Me, too.
Bye.
I have to say, this is pretty dang romantic.
Yeah, it just sort of puts things in perspective, doesn't it? So, where is your asteroid? Uh, well this star field's a bit outdated, but probably somewhere over by that light.
You really think it's gonna hit us? (sighs) Yeah, I've done the math, Evie.
Eventually, you, and NASA and Twitter will catch up, but until then, let's just savor every second.
(loud banging) What was that? (Jesse grunts) Sorry, guys.
(grunts) I underestimated the raw girth of this new recliner.
Perfect timing, Jesse.
Thank you, cuz.
Craigslist.
Guy wanted $60.
Uh-uh.
$45.
(lightly chuckles) I, uh I thought you had a plan.
Yeah, I do.
He's gonna live in the basement.
That's that's the plan.
Wh for how long? Indefinitely.
Well not indefinitely.
More like eight months and seven days.
What? You're gonna let an escaped cri cnal live in your basement? It's perfect.
There are no windows, there's loads of space, and we'll still get to hang out.
Hey, I'm gonna help out with utilities and stuff.
Some of the utilities and stuff.
Gas, maybe the trash.
I don't know yet, but we'll talk about it.
Can I just can I talk to you over there for a second? You're harboring a fugitive.
He's family, all right? He's practically my brother.
We spent every summer together as kids.
No, he is a convicted felon.
He stole millions.
Actually, technically, I reappropriated millions.
I took it from the crooked CEO pot and then put it into the little guy's pot.
I mean, as felonies go, that's pretty noble.
Yeah, and I said I was sorry at the trial.
Look, we've got eight months left to live.
Okay? I'm not going to let him rot in jail.
It's practically a death sentence.
Well, what if you get caught? Then you'll both be in jail when the world ends.
If the world ends, which it might not, - by the way.
- It will.
You're risking everything on a hunch! Well, some risks are worth taking, Evie.
We all get to decide what's important to us.
End of the world or not.
And he's important to me.
And he's not going anywhere.
So, I hope you can make peace with that.
I should call and turn him in.
What are you doing? If you knew someone who was mixed up in an illegal activity, would you alert the authorities? - No way.
- Depends.
What's the activity? Uh an illegal pet in the basement.
Are we talking, like, large predator, hoofed mammal, non-native amphibian? I don't know, like a ferret.
Ah, well, a ferret's completely legal in this state.
It's not actually a ferret, like a ferret.
Okay, bottom line, don't turn the person in.
Nobody likes a rat.
Also, illegal pet, for the record.
Okay I heard Lorenzo's getting fired.
Want to come watch? Oh, I don't think so.
I feel like it'll make me more anxious about my own evaluation.
Okay, suit yourself.
Five bucks says he's gonna cry.
I'm in.
So, how are things going with Xavier? - It's pronounced âZavier.
â - I thought it was with an âXâ" It's spelled with an âX,â but it sounds like a âZ.
â How are things with Zavier? It's kinda tricky.
Because he got a ferret? - Yeah.
- Yeah.
Yikes.
Well, you know, uh, I just gotta I need to get I'm gonna go over here for a minute.
(sighs) (whispering): âXâ does not mark the spot! Hank, is that you? I said âXâ does not mark the spot! What spot? What are you talking about? Evie's new guy They're on the rocks.
You still got a shot.
- Really? - Yeah, get in there! Then I don't have to choose between you guys.
- You look tense.
- Whoa! I am.
I'm, uh, not going to rub your shoulders.
That would be inappropriate.
Here it is.
Cheese! You blinked.
- Again? - Yes.
XAVIER: Maybe try doing one without the flash.
Anything to move this along.
I've gotta pick up my kid at kindergarten in 20 minutes.
Perfect! There is your new driver's license photo.
Oh, well, it's better than your mug shot.
JESSE: Gorgeous.
Can I pick my own name? Knock yourself out.
Okay.
Steve.
No, Harvey.
Steve Harvey.
Like the comedian? God! Yeah, crap.
Um Harvey Stevens.
Harvey Stevens, born Sioux City, Iowa, 1981, in a hospital What do you think? FORGER: I'll have your license in 24 hours.
Ten grand, cash, on delivery.
Dude, I don't have that.
I put my life on plastic.
I know where to find some cheddar.
Lorenzo didn't cry.
But he did get fired.
DEIRDRE: May I join the group? Of course.
I know I'm the boss, but I've been working on getting in touch with my ordinary side.
And what better way than to have lunch with you three? I'm going to check my e-mail.
Hank what kind of music do you like? I don't really like music.
Actually I like certain noises and sound effects.
I guess that counts as music.
I like noises, too.
You know, I was just curious if anyone at the table has any hidden talents.
I can pretend I'm interested in mundane conversations.
I know Morse code.
Wow, that's really interesting, Hank! Deirdre, do you have any hidden talents? Thank you very much for asking, Evie.
And, yes, I do.
My favorite being the ability to tie a cherry stem into a knot with just my tongue.
All right, I'm gonna go get some more mashed potatoes.
That's against HR guideli ines.
Why? Yeah, Evie, why? I don't know.
What what That conversation was a total disaster.
No I thought it was a strong first step.
But maybe next time you could just try doing something nice for him.
Within HR guidelines.
Dude, you kept all my stuff! Yeah, I don't know why.
JESSE: Here we go.
What are you gonna do with all this? Whoa.
I thought you gave all this away.
Yeah, there's a broker's fee on every transaction.
- Uh-huh.
- Hand me a bag.
That's a lot of money.
Yeah.
Dude what? Our time capsule! You were supposed to bury this.
Yeah, I mean, I kinda did in a way, right? You are ridiculous.
Open that up.
Look at this.
The first beer we stole! What? Randy Johnson? Look at these two Randy Johnsons.
XAVIER: Look at us! We were handsome lads, man.
(chuckles) XAVIER: Oh, my gosh.
Is that from your mom? Yeah.
Did you know she put it in there? No, no.
No, she must have slipped it in.
I don't even know how you'd watch one of those anymore.
I think you'd need, like, a camcorder or something.
(sighs) JESSE: That's heavy, man.
(sighs) Timothy, hey.
What are you doing here? Uh, you, um you left some of your stuff at my house.
Thought you might want it back.
I remember this.
I still have this sweater.
Me, too.
Anyways, I actually don't This isn't mine.
The frame's yours.
So, you might you might as well just hold onto the picture.
Okay, well thanks.
Bye.
Well, actually, uh I think you I think you might have some of my stuff, too.
Really? Yeah, I can come in and grab it.
(chuckles) So how's the new guy? Fine.
Just just fine? Yep.
- Cool.
Cool.
- (awkward chuckle) Is there anything else? Um yeah.
The the battery in your smoke detector.
Yeah, I bought it.
Sure.
Yeah.
Here, I'll support you.
I always will.
What? Can I ask you a question? What do you see in him? Oh uh I don't really feel comfortable Hank says that he's super handsome and dangerous.
Well, you're handsome, too.
But not dangerous? You always made me feel safe.
And that was one of my favorite things about you.
(electrical zap) Guess there's still a little spark.
Hank, âXâ does not mark the spot.
âTâ does.
Let's do this.
We can get her back.
It's Timothy, by the way.
(classic music plays) (classical music continues through headphones) - (rustling) - Oh! Ooh! (groans) Oh I saw that going smoother.
What are you doing? Why did you just come through the window? It played out differently in my mind.
I did try knocking, like, a lot, but you didn't answer.
And this is kind of important.
Okay, well, you're here, so what's up? I want you and Jesse to bond.
Okay? If you're ever gonna get comfortable with this situation No, I don't have time.
- Then just listen.
- I don't have time.
No, none of us do.
That's the point.
No, you don't understand.
On Monday, I have to justify my job to an eight-person panel of executives, and I'm probably gonna blow it and lock up, like I always do.
Well, you're not gonna find the answer in a book.
Well, that's all I have, so (chuckles) Okay if Jesse and I help you with this, will you come on an adventure with us? Help how? So before Jesse was incarcerated, he worked as a financial advisor for Simonson Sacks in the city.
So he knows a lot about high-pressure work environments.
I can't believe I'm doing this.
- Okay, you ready? - Yeah, I guess so.
Jesse you're up.
Ms.
Covington I've had a chance to look over your résumé.
How did you get a copy of my résumé? Are you calling me a liar, Ms.
Covington? No.
Strike one! Now What Strike one? How many gallons, Ms.
Covington, of white paint do you think are sold in the United States each year? I I Do you understand why I'm asking you that question, Ms.
Covington? (sighs) To assess your ability to attack a problem with no immediate answer, and to observe your critical thinking skills.
Now, Ms.
Covington, how many gallons of white paint? The paint! Answer the question about the paint! XAVIER: Okay, time out.
Maybe we need a different approach.
For the record, I would've accepted any answer.
You keep locking up because you're getting stuck in your head.
Physical activity will clear your mind.
So one of us is gonna throw the ball, while the other asks a question.
You try to answer and hit the ball - at the same time, got it? - You ready? - Okay.
- What are your strengths and weaknesses? I, uh Oh! Why do we even need a quality control department? - Because Oh.
- What are your goals - within this company? - A-plus quality control! Oh! I hit one! Ha! - Why don't we fire you on the spot? - Because my dedication - to ingenuity! Oh! - Ugh! Oh! Oh! - Oh! - Aw, Jesse.
You all right? Did I catch it? I'm so sorry! It's okay.
I'm good, I'm good.
It's fine, between this and the wig, nobody'll recognize me.
HANK: Let's see the new you! T-Nasty? TIMOTHY: I don't feel great about this.
You want to win her back, this is the type of guy she's into now.
Yeah.
You're looking all cool.
- (chuckles) - You sure he dresses like this? He is so fashion-forward.
It's like he's in the past and in the future at the same time.
I can't even fit my cellphone in these pants.
You just have to ask yourself: would you rather have your cell phone, or the woman you love? Woman I love.
Okay.
Good choice.
Now We're almost there.
There's just one more thing - You were great out there.
- (chuckles) With a little more prep, you're gonna crush this interview.
Bit like you crushed Jesse's face.
Oh, no! I feel so bad about that.
I hope he's okay.
EVIE: Do you think the swelling's gone down? Nope.
But I did find this camcorder in the basement, if you want to watch the video.
So Good night, lovebirds.
Night! Make sure you keep the Ice on it, to numb the pain.
Oh! It's cold.
It's worth it.
You're gonna look fly.
Okay, I can do this.
I can do this.
Okay.
Make me a badass.
I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, Quiet T.
Oh, uh, make me a badass.
Still not getting it.
Make me a badass! Whoo! Look out, world! Because we got ourselves a stud! (both screaming) (screams echo) (crickets chirping) Hey there, Bugs.
(laughs) As soon as you and Jesse dig this up, you call me.
You're probably an adult now and you don't call me enough Morning! Hey.
(chuckles) Sorry again for breaking your nose.
Oh, don't sweat it.
- It'll give my face some character.
- Oh! Well, I still feel bad.
I would gladly sacrifice my schnoz to help a friend in need.
You're gonna kick some serious tail in that evaluation.
I think I really misjudged you.
Yeah.
It kind of hurt my feelings, but (exhales) You also could've turned me into the fuzz at any time, and you didn't.
So, we're even.
Can I ask you something? I'm a open friggin' book.
Last night, Xavier was watching a home video and Mm.
I'm gonna stop you right there, and close the friggin' book.
Okay.
You have to ask him if you want to know about his mom.
Oh.
Okay.
Can I ask you just one more thing? Do you believe in his apocalypse theory? It is a little out there, but I will say, if you'd been through the stuff that he has you'd be a little crazy, too.
You know, but let's not get into that.
I will tell you a funny story.
This one time, in Bucharest, Xavier was so drunk on kamikazes that he puked inside my suitcase, but we were late for the flight - so I had to just zip it up and go.
- (chuckles) No way! - Yeah.
Customs was not amused.
- Oh! My two favorite people.
Mm.
Jessie's just telling me all of your embarrassing stories.
- Ah, bugger.
- JESSE: Yeah.
And then, - of course, the time that he - (microwave beeps) - goat, and he got - (beeps) - from the - (beeps) This microwave isn't working.
Evie, do you want to explain that one? - (electrical crackling) - (shrieks) Oh, yeah, we fried it.
But actually, that's great.
Let me buy you a new one.
My dad's vying for Salesman of the Year at his store, so helping you will help him.
Perfect.
We'll give you a lift.
Okay.
We going on a road trip? I'll just run in and out.
EVIE: Balls! Barry sold a hot tub? Yeah.
I've never sold a hot tub.
Nobody sells hot tubs.
I'll never gonna catch him now.
There aren't enough toasters in the world.
Um Dad, are you okay? Yeah.
Never better.
I, uh I decided to take your sister's advice, and pick up some extra shifts.
Every shift, in fact.
I haven't left the store.
I even slept in the hot tub.
Till Barry sold it.
- Oh, boy - Yep! (sighs) I was crashing pretty hard this morning, but Warren, one of the stock boys, gave me some caffeine pills.
(chuckles) I-I'm pretty sure I'm not gonna win the contest, but I will tell you what, I am awake.
(both laugh) Ah Any who, you still want the microwave, sweetie? Yeah.
Yep! She wants it! (chuckles) She wants it! Yeah! JESSE: Oh, man, this thing's got its own baked potato setting.
- That's boss! - EVIE: Well, I'm glad you like it.
I splurged a bit because my dad needed the boost.
(tires screech) Dead Man's Cliff? I can't get that wet.
Wait, wait, wait.
What is happening? Number 56.
What's number 56 Fifty Holy smokes.
XAVIER: Number 56.
Dead Man's Cliff.
We always wanted to do this as kids, but we chickened out every time.
I don't blame you.
It's really high.
Oh, just to be clear, you're coming, too.
Oh, no.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
I saw your list.
Number ten.
âJump off a high dive.
â This counts.
No, no, no, no.
This is different.
Okay, a high dive, it's it's in a pool and it's, like, ten feet high and you can see the bottom.
And there's a lifeguard.
No.
This is a cliff, okay? You don't know how deep the water is, or if there are even - rocks under there.
- I'll let you know! - (gasps) - Oh! (whoops) Ooh! - XAVIER: Jesse! - (Evie shrieks) Oh, Jesse! - No, I can't do this, I can't do this! - Yes, you can - Hey, hey, hey, relax! - I can't do this, I can't - (spits) - No rocks! - Evie.
- Hmm.
- Hey.
Can I tell you something? - Yeah.
I heard you asking Jesse this morning about my mum.
She died.
When I was at university.
I'm so sorry.
Actually, I just found this old tape she made me, and I can't even get the whole way through it.
I don't know, it's just It's still She had some family in Seattle.
So we used to spend summers here when I was a kid.
I'll see you at the bottom, Bugs? Okay.
Maybe next summer.
XAVIER: And I never jumped with her.
And my God, I wish I had.
(exhales) But now, I'm here with you, and it's perfect.
Listen if you can face this, all right, you can face that executive panel.
You can face anything.
Come on.
Take, take my hand Come on.
We're coming, Jesse! (whoops) - Yeah? - Yeah! Deep breath.
Yeah.
- (whoops) - (screams) The spirit moves inside of me The spirit moves The spirit moves inside of me (laughter) - Xavier, we did it! - We did it! - Nice! We did it! - We did it! Ooh! Caught a fish.
- 1995 - Ah! Vintage, skunky beer.
Mm.
Ah.
- (can clatters) - (tires screech, siren chirps) (indistinct radio transmission) Oh, Jesse.
You idiot.
Oh, God.
Oh, my God.
XAVIER (quietly): Oh, great.
(indistinct radio transmission) Afternoon, Officer.
How's it going? License and registration, please.
We're really sorry for the littering.
That was my fault, man.
I-I thought it was biodegradable.
I'm gonna need IDs for everyone.
Let's see Miss, this is a library card.
Sorry Officer.
I'm just a little nervous.
For no reason whatsoever.
(chuckles) I'm not nervous, too, sir.
Harvey Stevens.
You.
Get out of the car.
Hmm? (sighs) Pick up the can.
Don't do it again.
Yes, sir, Officer.
Copy that, thank you.
(grunting): 10-4.
Harvey Stevens, Sioux City, Iowa, does it again.
Let's go.
(sighs) - (engine starts) - I'm so sorry.
Just take me home.
Yeah.
Hey, hang on.
Would you stay there? Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Look, I'll take care of it.
All right? For real this time.
What does that mean? Look, it's one thing for me to take a risk, but I can't put you at risk.
(inhales sharply) You matter to me.
Look, I'll get Jesse a new passport, fly him out of the country.
Set him up with a new life.
What is wrong with you? Well, probably a lot, but Fly a fugitive out of the country on a fake passport? That's the riskiest plan of all.
Yeah, but you won't be a part of it.
But you will! And that makes me a part of it because you (sighs) matter to me.
What do you want me to do? I can't turn my back on him, all right? He's family.
And freeing him was part of my list.
You're gonna let that thing dictate your whole life.
You're both just gonna end up in jail.
Evie All right, well, good luck tomorrow.
Thank you for coming in to see us, Ms.
Covington.
You're welcome for having me.
You're in the quality control department? This is correct.
(tape rewinding) Hey there, Bugs! (laughs) As soon as you and Jesse dig this up, you call me.
You're probably an adult now and you don't call me enough.
(sighs) Also, I well, I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you.
I know you're going to end up doing something that changes the world.
You remember that every day is a gift, so always try and follow your heart.
I love you, Bugs.
Mwah.
(laughs): Oh Try and keep your cousin out of jail.
(sighs) MALE EXECUTIVE: How long have you been in your position? Um, five Five-five-ish years.
And in that time, do you feel you've been an asset to your division? Um, well FEMALE EXECUTIVE: Given that your department is rife with problems, why shouldn't we let you go? XAVIER: If you can face this, you can face that executive panel, you can face anything.
There is no one here who knows how this place runs better than me.
I know that the thipping department desperately needs to update their software.
I know that the trucks are sometimes half-full because fulfillment and shipping don't communicate well enough.
And I know that because everyone is hurried and overworked, packages frequently end up in the wrong place, sometimes even the wrong country.
Fly him out of the country.
Set him up with a new life.
Ms.
Covington? My point is, we should fix the kinks in the system before we lay people off.
And unless there's anything else, I should get back to work.
No baloney with that one.
I like that.
Mm-hmm.
HANK: You should just let the clothes wear you.
Wow.
That's-that's good.
Hey, you.
Um, um, Hank and I, we're-we're gonna go grab a bite.
You want to join us? What happened to your ear? Hmm? Oh, uh, pierced it.
Yeah, I was gonna do both but uh it hurt too much.
Doesn't T-bone look cool, huh? Like a real badass? I'm glad you're trying new things, but got to say, I'm a fan of Original T.
I'm sorry, I have to go.
It's okay, man.
Cool pants.
Thanks.
Can I borrow 'em? TIMOTHY: I told you they were women's pants.
HANK: I thought they were men's pants.
TIMOTHY: Look at them! HANK: Well, they had the little rips in them and stuff.
I thought it was just You have very fine legs.
TIMOTHY: Well, thank you.
HANK: You're welcome.
I'm a big girl now, don't try to tell me what to do 'Cause now I'm ready And that's for sure This fire inside me's burning right from in the core Sorry! Than before Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing?! - What are you doing? - I went running to find you! I was running to find you! Okay, listen, - stop just listen.
Had some very good advice to follow my heart.
- Okay.
- I'm gonna let Jesse go on his own.
- No.
Hey, listen.
(panting) You can take certain risks if you think them through.
And, luckily, I'm a think-it-through kind of girl, and I have a plan to get him out of the country.
Just hold on.
Okay, um (pants) (exhales) Okay, um Is Jesse claustrophobic? Um, well, he spent three years in an eight-by-eight cell, so no.
Good.
Hi, Bill.
Hi, Bill.
Oh.
Just lift with your legs.
Leg lift.
(chuckles) - You all right in there, Jesse? - Yeah, snug as a bug in a rug, cuz.
Next stop, Saskatchewan.
The St.
Croix of Central Canada, eh? Fragile cargo, bro.
Don't want you jostling around too much.
I love you, cuz.
- I love you, too, mate.
- Okay.
(chuckles) (laughs) (knocking) - We can all still hang out.
- What? I know you're bummed that Timothy and I split, but everyone still gets to stay friends.
It won't be the same.
It was the three of us.
Now we're like Destiny's Child without Beyoncé.
Aw.
You think I'm the Beyoncé? No, I'm the Beyoncé.
I am Beyoncé.
But the point I'm trying to make is we're one man down.
Look, I know it'll be different.
But it's not the end.
Really? So maybe the three of us can get together - and we can do a game night next week.
- Yeah, I'd love that.
- And then we can all do dinner and a movie.
- Okay, one step at a time.
- All right.
- Hank, I noticed you're carrying some undue stress in your lower back and shoulders, so I bought you this special ergonomic desk chair.
- (chuckles) - (chuckles) (moans) I think you'll find that it provides more than sufficient lumbar support.
Whew.
Man.
Thanks, Deirdre.
That's really nice of you.
Yes.
It is nice.
(Hank sighs) HANK: Am I on vacation or am I at work? I don't even know anymore.
GARY: It's perfect.
- I love it! - Screw Barry and Salesman of the Year.
Even if you didn't get SOTY, you're still our FOTY.
Boy-howdy, do I have a surprise for you.
(gasps) No way! I don't get it.
- You were so far behind Barry.
- I know! But you girls encouraged me, and I don't know I just figured it's y-you know, it's now or never.
Then this-this super nice Australian guy came in.
Or maybe he was British I don't know But he was real handsome and cool, you know? Like a like a professional saxophone player.
And I sold him nine washing machines.
I beat Barry by $14! (laughs) Did he have a beard? Yeah.
Yeah, he had a beard and piercing eyes and he was wearing one of those one of those really cool man beanies.
You rascal! You went to great lengths to help someone I love.
I figured I should do the same.
How did you afford this? - Are you gonna miss these? - No.
Seemed a good way to clean some dirty money.
What are you gonna do with all these washing machines? You ever heard of a Barcelona foam party? I'm the type of girl who runs about town It's time for me to stop and let my hair down I I get what I want You got what I need My heart is on fire so we're going in deep I'm taking my aim and you know it's true I get what I want and I want you.