Operation Good Guys (1997) s01e02 Episode Script
Radio Silence
- Target spotted, one hundred yards.
- Yes! That's the one.
- We normally don't - Ssh! Stay still.
Steady.
He's coming! He's coming! Go, go, go, go, go! Come on, come on.
Straight down.
(CHEERING) Oi, you muppet! What a shot! Classic! # The Good Guys! # Ladies, gentlemen, eyes front, please.
Thank you, Ray.
Thank you, gentlemen.
And lady.
You will notice there is an empty seat where Roy Leyton should be sitting.
He can't be with us as he's a little wet.
# That ol' man river # I don't think it's funny! Strategies change.
They evolve and develop and we learn by our mistakes.
That's what police work is about.
Ever changing.
Doing Thank you, Ray.
And, em, we have a new strategy now, which is going to take us from the bottom to the top.
We're going to grab a foot soldier and he will, in due course, lead us all the way to Smiler McCarthy at the top.
I'm going to hand over to the expert, Bones, to take us through what should be a typical drugs raid.
Ray will bear me out - we have a team here that are specialists at going in at the bottom level.
They're chameleon-like.
They're silent, they're odourless.
It's a remarkable thing that they have.
This is something I've worked out.
The three Ts.
Number one, timing.
Number two, teamwork.
Number three, truncheons.
- I'm sorry.
- No, no, it's all right.
Just not when Did you get everything you wanted? Was it fluid? Yeah, yeah, I felt it - Don't pick things off me.
- Sorry, sir.
Sorry about that.
- It's all right.
Anyway - Sorry.
The golden rule with the buy is you should always get the goods before you hand over the money.
Mark Kemp is going to be the person that does the drugs raid or exchange of money for drugs.
He's a new kid, he's fresh-faced.
Nobody knows him.
He's a rising star.
And he's going places.
Bones, what make of car are 1 and 2? - What does that matter? - Number 1 looks slightly bigger.
I dunno.
Can Car 1 see Car 2? We'll get Smiler eventually, but we'll do it our way.
We'll go underneath first.
Bones, on a more serious point One second, darling.
As you've been designated our expert on this drugs buy, though I've done a few, I've got to contradict you, mate.
You've no back-up on your south side.
They could just run off.
You've got four compass points, but you're only using three.
(BONES) Just for argument's sake Easy, easy! Easy, son! Calm down! Bloody knee! Right.
That's better.
Nothing wrong with aggression, as long as it's used in the right way.
- Understand me? - Yes, sir.
OK.
Can I have a word with you? Ray? Can we just? There's no need toto print that.
That wasn't a typical em, demonstration of police behaviour at a meeting.
If you like, I'm sure we'd be quite happy - would we not, Ray? - to re-do that or go for a second take, as you'd say.
Mock you up a good one, rather than a breakdown like that.
I think I'll have a word with them.
Listen, we're gonna go with another one.
This time, you know, really, no fighting.
(STRINGS) He's gotta suss it out first.
Hang on.
- No, no, you hang on.
- No, no, no.
- What do you mean, no? - He's gonna get it wrong.
- This is my technique.
- The expert (!) I'm much more experienced at this.
- More than me? - Yes.
No, my wife, she's She don't She don't give it out.
We haven't had sex for six months.
- It's not just length of service, is it? - I'm trying to explain.
Suss it out before you go in.
- Eye contact, right? - Not necessarily.
- It can be.
- It's body language, Mark.
It could be body language.
- You're very attractive.
She's losing out.
- Well, I'd love to tell her that.
Love to.
I'd love to tell her you said that.
- Be aware.
- I'll take that on board.
- Wow.
- What do you mean? Don't get sarky.
- You were a rebel? - Before I got married.
Believe it or not.
I was ammmm! You know? All right, Russell? Russell - he never stops rustling.
Want to take this? Thank you.
Roy, we need ã2,000 for this drugs buy.
Simple as that.
I can't repeat again how low we are on budget.
I can squeeze next quarter's, but it's bottom of the barrel time, sir.
- Scrape the barrel.
We need two grand.
- If you insist.
Could you just sign this? - How much is two grand? - If it was nifties, it'd be like that.
- What? - About that thick.
- Nifties is what? - ã50 notes.
You couldn't wear anything tight-fitting.
I don't know about fifties.
I can get you twenties.
- No, twenties are too thick.
- That'd be much thicker.
- The bank normally give twenties.
- Imagine that in your pocket.
Ridiculous.
I'll try to get fifties.
It ruins the jacket.
Anyway, I'll just Thanks, sir.
- I'll be off and sort out the money.
- Thank you, Roy.
Now you need the slang.
Charlie.
Charlie.
Bolivian marching powder.
- Beep! Wrong.
- What's all this? Are you Bob Holness all of a sudden? - Morning, boys.
- They're having a laugh with this car.
- It's a bit little.
- We're not gonna get our bags in here.
- Where's the Range Rover? - We've got to get the camera in as well.
- Can't we ditch it? - Guv'nor's orders.
Right.
This is my position.
I'll keep an eye on Mark.
I can get down to the buy in case anything goes wrong.
Various officers are dotted all around.
Me being experienced, I bring along a few luxuries - my flask of hot soup, my air pillow and my rug.
Right.
Now, time to blend in like a chameleon and make myself comfy.
It could be a long wait.
- Oh.
- Police officer.
- Mm.
- Sorry, love.
There's a drug buy going on and - Is all this on as well? - They're making a documentary.
- Bones! - Can you move over a bit? - No, I can't! You move over.
- This is the O.
P.
and I can't see nothing! - Can't you sit over there? - I gotta keep an eye on you.
Excuse me, sirs, would you like a cup of tea and a biscuit? - Thanks very much.
- I hope it's nice and hot.
- Having one with us? - I have one out there at the moment.
Maybe one of these fellas Would you like a cup of tea? Want a cup of tea? - All right? - Yeah, not bad.
- Got the money? - Yeah.
Let's see it, then.
- Give me it here.
- It's all there.
Listen, mate, our friend is there, round the corner.
We'll get the stuff, be back.
- You wait here.
We're safe.
- All right.
It's Mark.
Nice to meet you, man.
See you in a minute.
That O.
P.
point is perfect.
Me and Bones spent four hours finding that yesterday.
If they can't nick this one, they can't do anything.
I hope Mark keeps his head above water.
You know what they say.
Patience is the virtue, innit? Does that material scratch, Kim? A little bit around the edges.
Can you wear nothing underneath? - Yeah, it's not too bad.
- Lovely colour.
- I can't stand it.
It's hideous.
- Do you find me domineering? - Pardon? - Do you find me domineering? # Discarded letters on my bedroom floor # - Put the air conditioning on.
- It's coming through.
- It's not coming through to the back.
- It's on, Sarge.
- There's two of us in the back.
- Come on.
- I've got it on! - You can hear when it's on.
Not, like, you know, dominating.
More domineering.
Aren't you worried about what's going on? You know what Mark's like.
Why? Sorry.
Oh Ohcor blimey! My lumbago.
Got a chill off the concrete.
Bloody freezing.
# Just like Ground Control # Could you keep quiet, please? Turn the telly on or read a book.
- I'm relaxing.
- You're a copper, not a pop star.
- Florence likes it.
- It's putting me off.
Sorry, Florence.
Don't get upset, love, but we're on a job.
Four hours it's been! Four poxy hours! - It is as well.
- It'll be dark soon.
- Oi, you! - It's lovely.
Give me your bloody guitar! It's nice.
Yes, what Mark did was technically wrong.
I admit that.
I'll be the first person to say he didn't get it right.
You're very quick to apportion blame and criticise, but something very positive came out of this.
We know who we're dealing with.
We've got the right people.
They took the money.
We know we've got the right people.
There's always a positive side to these things.
You handed over the money before you got any of the merchandise or anything? You know I did.
Why are you asking? After everything that we went through with you, you did that.
Why didn't you get on the line? We were there.
Nearly six hours.
(STRINGS) We're here to find out what went wrong.
Mark's made us all look like mugs.
(ARGUING CONTINUES) (MARK) I didn't mean it, did I? (STRINGS) De Sade, take your hands from round his throat now! Stop it! Sir? Sir, I'd just like to say now that you've sent a boy to do a man's job and the idiot's bungled it - I don't like your tone, Bones.
- I understand that, sir.
You know, but I think the professionals should be back at the helm.
- OK, I like your enthusiasm.
You do it.
- Well, I'll need another two grand.
- He's got rid of that money.
- You do the job, but take Mark with you.
OK? That's an order.
You're taking him with you.
I want him to learn.
Switch that off.
I need ã2,000 and I need it now, mate.
Where is it? - Did you get a docket? - A (BLEEP) docket?! I'm going to introduce you to a very clever surveillance technique which enables us to view a crime scene without being seen.
We use a car boot.
We peer out of two very cleverly concealed holes in the number plate.
Where are they? There's no holes.
I can't see any holes in that.
Can you? See if there's anything inside (ALARM BEEPS) Sorry about this.
I set the alarm off.
- I'll have to go to the bank.
- How long's that gonna bloody take?! About half an hour.
I'll see you there.
- You better be there, son.
- Trust me.
You still have no docket? (BLEEP) - This was ours.
We had this car.
- Yours is round the corner.
- Where? - Just round the corner.
Keys inside.
- In the far car park? - Yeah.
Good luck.
Cheers.
(ALARM BEEPS) Bloody hell! - Oh, (BLEEP) hell! - Sarge, they're having a laugh.
I mean They'll come and sort it out.
(ALARM BEEPS) Em Sarge, are these yours? Oh! Let's get the gear in the boot.
The guv'nor must have lent it to his wife or his mother.
- Perhaps they're the guv'nor's.
- Em, let's get in, anyway.
Will it go in the boot? Let's have that in the back.
All right, let's do it.
Go, go, go.
Hold on.
Hold on.
My gun's stuck.
Hold on.
That's it, done it.
Can you get the camera in? All right, let's have it.
OK, close the door.
Yeah, this'll work.
OK, now we're all in position, I want to wish you good luck and, more importantly, everyone must maintain radio silence at all times.
I repeat, maintain radio silence at all costs.
Good luck, Good Guys.
# Just like Ground Control that spoke to you # I am speaking to you, too # To all acceptable aliens # That's lovely.
- You've heard of David Bowie? - Yes.
It's an homage to him.
Because the pound's quite strong, when we get there Just do us a favour, will you? Just keep it shut.
I'm really worried.
He's supposed to be here with the readies about half an hour ago.
I don't know what he's up to, this geezer.
No, excuse me.
Kim, Gary? In here now, please.
Now.
Where did you last see it? - I was in my office - Everybody calm for a second.
- What's the matter? - ã2,000 has gone missing.
We don't know if it's stolen or missing.
Where is he? He was supposed to go to the bank three-quarters of an hour ago! - That's a bit fast.
- Too fast? You like the slower ones? I thought so.
Sarge, are you receiving me? Over.
(HEAVY BREATHING) Receiving you.
Em, Leyton ain't arrived with the readies yet, Sarge.
Ohhh! I'm sure he'll come.
Hurry it along.
It's really hot in here.
Don't give me that "brother" (BLEEP)! If you took that two grand, I'll have you on a charge before you say Sammy bloody Davis bloody Junior! - Two grand doesn't go walkabout! - I thought I left it in the office.
Well, look for something, then! It's so dark It's hot.
Oh, I can't breathe! Call yourself an accountant! You're a prat! - No need to be offensive.
- (BLEEP) idiot! - Jesus Christ! - Here's a fiver.
They're coming.
'Ere, turn that off.
(DEALER) That's your man.
Cool bloke.
He's all right.
Right, guys.
How's it hanging? All right? - Not bad, man.
- All right? So where's the money? (RADIO ) Anybody out there? What's that? What's that? There's someone in there.
- Turn the (BLEEP) radio off! - Is that a radio? - Turn the (BLEEP) thing off! - What's that? Sounds like somebody's been kidnapped.
What are you trying to (BLEEP) do?! Old Bill! Go! Go, go, go, go, go! Are you all right, sonny? Help me! Ohhh! Ohhh Help! - This is awful.
- I'm devastated, sir.
These (BLEEP) have it all on camera.
- I'm sure it will turn up.
- I've no doubt.
I'm quite confident.
At least I might be able to persuade them not to broadcast that.
- What are we gonna do? - I'll have to find it by myself.
- You can't, sir.
- I have to, and I will.
- I'll put up the money myself.
- I'll put 40 quid towards it, sir.
Thank you, Ray, but 40 quid isn't going to put much of a hole in this.
Put it away.
But the thing we have to concentrate on now is looking after the bloody money, because it's mine, not coming out of Roy Leyton's fund.
It's my personal money.
- For God's sake, keep your eye on it.
- I'll be chained to it.
- God, this is awful.
- I'm so sorry.
The ã2,000 that we had originally for the exchange for the drugs has been mislaid.
It's disappeared - temporarily.
It will turn up, I'm sure.
I've decided that we need to go ahead, and I have managed to secure monies from another source, so we're OK.
We're still up and running.
- (CAMERAMAN) What source is that? - I don't really want to go into that.
You don't spend 20 years on the Force without knowing how to secure funds as and when you need them.
Hello.
I'd like to organise an overdraft on behalf of my mother for ã2,000.
Are you authorised to do that, sir? - Yes, I'm a signatory.
- OK, that's fine.
- All right, Mal? - I've got a real difficult one here.
If I put the camera up there with the leaves, you'll be seen.
I thought of putting it here, but there's a dead rat inside.
- Where are we, then? - The only place I can put it, down there.
- Under the car? - That's terrific.
That's terrible! - You'll get their knees.
We need faces.
- That's a lovely little camera.
- That's all I can do.
You've no budget.
- They're gonna clock that, Sarge.
- Is that the smallest one we've got? - Yeah.
Just do the deal on the floor.
Sorry? You want us to sit on the floor? Sarge, there's no way we can sit - It'll be all right.
- With these nutters? You've done a fantastic job.
Thank you.
It will be all right.
I will make it work.
The alligators are hungry.
We are awaiting the wildebeests.
Over.
You ever shot anyone? It's funny how these villains are never punctual.
The pick-up was at 1400.
It's now 1404.
- Do you like football? - Keep it quiet.
Quiet! - Shut it! - I support Arsenal myself.
Ray, you have got that money safe? It's as safe as the Crown Jewels, sir.
Over.
Guv'nor, I didn't know he was out.
- Who? - Reggie Kray.
Is that with a C or a K? Let's have a look.
- Whereabouts? - He looks good for his age.
It's Martin Kemp, Sarge! Martin! Martin, innit? - Strings.
- Can I have your autograph? One of your biggest fans, mate.
Put it "To D.
I.
Beach".
- Beach? - B-E-A-C-H.
Ohh! Oh! It's hot, innit? The Dynamic Duo have arrived (!) 14.
37.
Springboks approaching the water's edge.
We are going to try to get them to sit down with the alligators.
Over.
- Over here.
- I don't believe this.
- All right, mate? How's it going? - You got the money? - In the picnic basket.
- Who's he? - My partner.
- Like a cup of tea? - Are you having a laugh?! - Sit down, relax.
A picnic in a cash and carry car park? Are you sure? - You're drawing attention - Not like this! Are you mad? - Got the gear? - Yes! I've come to do a deal! Target acquired.
Right.
I think we're on, boys.
- Cucumber sandwich? - Stuff your sandwiches! Ain't done the exchange yet.
Wait for it.
- What does this do? - Don't touch that! (BLEEP) I ain't sitting down to do a deal! - It's all (BLEEP) coming out of it! - I'm sorry! 'Ere, what's all that bloody smoke? - The car's on fire! - Oh, my God! - What's that? - Old Bill! - Get Mark! - Come back with our guv'nor's money! - It's all gone pear-shaped.
- Ray, do you still have the money? Oh, no! Oh, my God! Come in.
Have you still got my money? - My eyes! - Bring back the picnic basket! ASH! Stop mucking about! RAY! Oh, Guv! Yes, I'm sorry.
I'm Mum? - Mum - Tell her you'll get it back.
Mum, I'm sorry.
Yes, I know it is.
It is a lot of money.
I could probably get most of it back to you before the end of the year.
And Mum? Mum? - That be a help, sir? - No.
Everything's going to be all right, sir.
# Ready or not, here I come # I'm gonna get you # Ready or not, here I come # I'm gonna get you # Ready or not, here I come # I'm gonna get you, get you, get you # I'm gonna get you # Get you! # Mum? Mum? Answer the door, Mum.
Come on, Mum.
You can't be mad for ever.
- Yes! That's the one.
- We normally don't - Ssh! Stay still.
Steady.
He's coming! He's coming! Go, go, go, go, go! Come on, come on.
Straight down.
(CHEERING) Oi, you muppet! What a shot! Classic! # The Good Guys! # Ladies, gentlemen, eyes front, please.
Thank you, Ray.
Thank you, gentlemen.
And lady.
You will notice there is an empty seat where Roy Leyton should be sitting.
He can't be with us as he's a little wet.
# That ol' man river # I don't think it's funny! Strategies change.
They evolve and develop and we learn by our mistakes.
That's what police work is about.
Ever changing.
Doing Thank you, Ray.
And, em, we have a new strategy now, which is going to take us from the bottom to the top.
We're going to grab a foot soldier and he will, in due course, lead us all the way to Smiler McCarthy at the top.
I'm going to hand over to the expert, Bones, to take us through what should be a typical drugs raid.
Ray will bear me out - we have a team here that are specialists at going in at the bottom level.
They're chameleon-like.
They're silent, they're odourless.
It's a remarkable thing that they have.
This is something I've worked out.
The three Ts.
Number one, timing.
Number two, teamwork.
Number three, truncheons.
- I'm sorry.
- No, no, it's all right.
Just not when Did you get everything you wanted? Was it fluid? Yeah, yeah, I felt it - Don't pick things off me.
- Sorry, sir.
Sorry about that.
- It's all right.
Anyway - Sorry.
The golden rule with the buy is you should always get the goods before you hand over the money.
Mark Kemp is going to be the person that does the drugs raid or exchange of money for drugs.
He's a new kid, he's fresh-faced.
Nobody knows him.
He's a rising star.
And he's going places.
Bones, what make of car are 1 and 2? - What does that matter? - Number 1 looks slightly bigger.
I dunno.
Can Car 1 see Car 2? We'll get Smiler eventually, but we'll do it our way.
We'll go underneath first.
Bones, on a more serious point One second, darling.
As you've been designated our expert on this drugs buy, though I've done a few, I've got to contradict you, mate.
You've no back-up on your south side.
They could just run off.
You've got four compass points, but you're only using three.
(BONES) Just for argument's sake Easy, easy! Easy, son! Calm down! Bloody knee! Right.
That's better.
Nothing wrong with aggression, as long as it's used in the right way.
- Understand me? - Yes, sir.
OK.
Can I have a word with you? Ray? Can we just? There's no need toto print that.
That wasn't a typical em, demonstration of police behaviour at a meeting.
If you like, I'm sure we'd be quite happy - would we not, Ray? - to re-do that or go for a second take, as you'd say.
Mock you up a good one, rather than a breakdown like that.
I think I'll have a word with them.
Listen, we're gonna go with another one.
This time, you know, really, no fighting.
(STRINGS) He's gotta suss it out first.
Hang on.
- No, no, you hang on.
- No, no, no.
- What do you mean, no? - He's gonna get it wrong.
- This is my technique.
- The expert (!) I'm much more experienced at this.
- More than me? - Yes.
No, my wife, she's She don't She don't give it out.
We haven't had sex for six months.
- It's not just length of service, is it? - I'm trying to explain.
Suss it out before you go in.
- Eye contact, right? - Not necessarily.
- It can be.
- It's body language, Mark.
It could be body language.
- You're very attractive.
She's losing out.
- Well, I'd love to tell her that.
Love to.
I'd love to tell her you said that.
- Be aware.
- I'll take that on board.
- Wow.
- What do you mean? Don't get sarky.
- You were a rebel? - Before I got married.
Believe it or not.
I was ammmm! You know? All right, Russell? Russell - he never stops rustling.
Want to take this? Thank you.
Roy, we need ã2,000 for this drugs buy.
Simple as that.
I can't repeat again how low we are on budget.
I can squeeze next quarter's, but it's bottom of the barrel time, sir.
- Scrape the barrel.
We need two grand.
- If you insist.
Could you just sign this? - How much is two grand? - If it was nifties, it'd be like that.
- What? - About that thick.
- Nifties is what? - ã50 notes.
You couldn't wear anything tight-fitting.
I don't know about fifties.
I can get you twenties.
- No, twenties are too thick.
- That'd be much thicker.
- The bank normally give twenties.
- Imagine that in your pocket.
Ridiculous.
I'll try to get fifties.
It ruins the jacket.
Anyway, I'll just Thanks, sir.
- I'll be off and sort out the money.
- Thank you, Roy.
Now you need the slang.
Charlie.
Charlie.
Bolivian marching powder.
- Beep! Wrong.
- What's all this? Are you Bob Holness all of a sudden? - Morning, boys.
- They're having a laugh with this car.
- It's a bit little.
- We're not gonna get our bags in here.
- Where's the Range Rover? - We've got to get the camera in as well.
- Can't we ditch it? - Guv'nor's orders.
Right.
This is my position.
I'll keep an eye on Mark.
I can get down to the buy in case anything goes wrong.
Various officers are dotted all around.
Me being experienced, I bring along a few luxuries - my flask of hot soup, my air pillow and my rug.
Right.
Now, time to blend in like a chameleon and make myself comfy.
It could be a long wait.
- Oh.
- Police officer.
- Mm.
- Sorry, love.
There's a drug buy going on and - Is all this on as well? - They're making a documentary.
- Bones! - Can you move over a bit? - No, I can't! You move over.
- This is the O.
P.
and I can't see nothing! - Can't you sit over there? - I gotta keep an eye on you.
Excuse me, sirs, would you like a cup of tea and a biscuit? - Thanks very much.
- I hope it's nice and hot.
- Having one with us? - I have one out there at the moment.
Maybe one of these fellas Would you like a cup of tea? Want a cup of tea? - All right? - Yeah, not bad.
- Got the money? - Yeah.
Let's see it, then.
- Give me it here.
- It's all there.
Listen, mate, our friend is there, round the corner.
We'll get the stuff, be back.
- You wait here.
We're safe.
- All right.
It's Mark.
Nice to meet you, man.
See you in a minute.
That O.
P.
point is perfect.
Me and Bones spent four hours finding that yesterday.
If they can't nick this one, they can't do anything.
I hope Mark keeps his head above water.
You know what they say.
Patience is the virtue, innit? Does that material scratch, Kim? A little bit around the edges.
Can you wear nothing underneath? - Yeah, it's not too bad.
- Lovely colour.
- I can't stand it.
It's hideous.
- Do you find me domineering? - Pardon? - Do you find me domineering? # Discarded letters on my bedroom floor # - Put the air conditioning on.
- It's coming through.
- It's not coming through to the back.
- It's on, Sarge.
- There's two of us in the back.
- Come on.
- I've got it on! - You can hear when it's on.
Not, like, you know, dominating.
More domineering.
Aren't you worried about what's going on? You know what Mark's like.
Why? Sorry.
Oh Ohcor blimey! My lumbago.
Got a chill off the concrete.
Bloody freezing.
# Just like Ground Control # Could you keep quiet, please? Turn the telly on or read a book.
- I'm relaxing.
- You're a copper, not a pop star.
- Florence likes it.
- It's putting me off.
Sorry, Florence.
Don't get upset, love, but we're on a job.
Four hours it's been! Four poxy hours! - It is as well.
- It'll be dark soon.
- Oi, you! - It's lovely.
Give me your bloody guitar! It's nice.
Yes, what Mark did was technically wrong.
I admit that.
I'll be the first person to say he didn't get it right.
You're very quick to apportion blame and criticise, but something very positive came out of this.
We know who we're dealing with.
We've got the right people.
They took the money.
We know we've got the right people.
There's always a positive side to these things.
You handed over the money before you got any of the merchandise or anything? You know I did.
Why are you asking? After everything that we went through with you, you did that.
Why didn't you get on the line? We were there.
Nearly six hours.
(STRINGS) We're here to find out what went wrong.
Mark's made us all look like mugs.
(ARGUING CONTINUES) (MARK) I didn't mean it, did I? (STRINGS) De Sade, take your hands from round his throat now! Stop it! Sir? Sir, I'd just like to say now that you've sent a boy to do a man's job and the idiot's bungled it - I don't like your tone, Bones.
- I understand that, sir.
You know, but I think the professionals should be back at the helm.
- OK, I like your enthusiasm.
You do it.
- Well, I'll need another two grand.
- He's got rid of that money.
- You do the job, but take Mark with you.
OK? That's an order.
You're taking him with you.
I want him to learn.
Switch that off.
I need ã2,000 and I need it now, mate.
Where is it? - Did you get a docket? - A (BLEEP) docket?! I'm going to introduce you to a very clever surveillance technique which enables us to view a crime scene without being seen.
We use a car boot.
We peer out of two very cleverly concealed holes in the number plate.
Where are they? There's no holes.
I can't see any holes in that.
Can you? See if there's anything inside (ALARM BEEPS) Sorry about this.
I set the alarm off.
- I'll have to go to the bank.
- How long's that gonna bloody take?! About half an hour.
I'll see you there.
- You better be there, son.
- Trust me.
You still have no docket? (BLEEP) - This was ours.
We had this car.
- Yours is round the corner.
- Where? - Just round the corner.
Keys inside.
- In the far car park? - Yeah.
Good luck.
Cheers.
(ALARM BEEPS) Bloody hell! - Oh, (BLEEP) hell! - Sarge, they're having a laugh.
I mean They'll come and sort it out.
(ALARM BEEPS) Em Sarge, are these yours? Oh! Let's get the gear in the boot.
The guv'nor must have lent it to his wife or his mother.
- Perhaps they're the guv'nor's.
- Em, let's get in, anyway.
Will it go in the boot? Let's have that in the back.
All right, let's do it.
Go, go, go.
Hold on.
Hold on.
My gun's stuck.
Hold on.
That's it, done it.
Can you get the camera in? All right, let's have it.
OK, close the door.
Yeah, this'll work.
OK, now we're all in position, I want to wish you good luck and, more importantly, everyone must maintain radio silence at all times.
I repeat, maintain radio silence at all costs.
Good luck, Good Guys.
# Just like Ground Control that spoke to you # I am speaking to you, too # To all acceptable aliens # That's lovely.
- You've heard of David Bowie? - Yes.
It's an homage to him.
Because the pound's quite strong, when we get there Just do us a favour, will you? Just keep it shut.
I'm really worried.
He's supposed to be here with the readies about half an hour ago.
I don't know what he's up to, this geezer.
No, excuse me.
Kim, Gary? In here now, please.
Now.
Where did you last see it? - I was in my office - Everybody calm for a second.
- What's the matter? - ã2,000 has gone missing.
We don't know if it's stolen or missing.
Where is he? He was supposed to go to the bank three-quarters of an hour ago! - That's a bit fast.
- Too fast? You like the slower ones? I thought so.
Sarge, are you receiving me? Over.
(HEAVY BREATHING) Receiving you.
Em, Leyton ain't arrived with the readies yet, Sarge.
Ohhh! I'm sure he'll come.
Hurry it along.
It's really hot in here.
Don't give me that "brother" (BLEEP)! If you took that two grand, I'll have you on a charge before you say Sammy bloody Davis bloody Junior! - Two grand doesn't go walkabout! - I thought I left it in the office.
Well, look for something, then! It's so dark It's hot.
Oh, I can't breathe! Call yourself an accountant! You're a prat! - No need to be offensive.
- (BLEEP) idiot! - Jesus Christ! - Here's a fiver.
They're coming.
'Ere, turn that off.
(DEALER) That's your man.
Cool bloke.
He's all right.
Right, guys.
How's it hanging? All right? - Not bad, man.
- All right? So where's the money? (RADIO ) Anybody out there? What's that? What's that? There's someone in there.
- Turn the (BLEEP) radio off! - Is that a radio? - Turn the (BLEEP) thing off! - What's that? Sounds like somebody's been kidnapped.
What are you trying to (BLEEP) do?! Old Bill! Go! Go, go, go, go, go! Are you all right, sonny? Help me! Ohhh! Ohhh Help! - This is awful.
- I'm devastated, sir.
These (BLEEP) have it all on camera.
- I'm sure it will turn up.
- I've no doubt.
I'm quite confident.
At least I might be able to persuade them not to broadcast that.
- What are we gonna do? - I'll have to find it by myself.
- You can't, sir.
- I have to, and I will.
- I'll put up the money myself.
- I'll put 40 quid towards it, sir.
Thank you, Ray, but 40 quid isn't going to put much of a hole in this.
Put it away.
But the thing we have to concentrate on now is looking after the bloody money, because it's mine, not coming out of Roy Leyton's fund.
It's my personal money.
- For God's sake, keep your eye on it.
- I'll be chained to it.
- God, this is awful.
- I'm so sorry.
The ã2,000 that we had originally for the exchange for the drugs has been mislaid.
It's disappeared - temporarily.
It will turn up, I'm sure.
I've decided that we need to go ahead, and I have managed to secure monies from another source, so we're OK.
We're still up and running.
- (CAMERAMAN) What source is that? - I don't really want to go into that.
You don't spend 20 years on the Force without knowing how to secure funds as and when you need them.
Hello.
I'd like to organise an overdraft on behalf of my mother for ã2,000.
Are you authorised to do that, sir? - Yes, I'm a signatory.
- OK, that's fine.
- All right, Mal? - I've got a real difficult one here.
If I put the camera up there with the leaves, you'll be seen.
I thought of putting it here, but there's a dead rat inside.
- Where are we, then? - The only place I can put it, down there.
- Under the car? - That's terrific.
That's terrible! - You'll get their knees.
We need faces.
- That's a lovely little camera.
- That's all I can do.
You've no budget.
- They're gonna clock that, Sarge.
- Is that the smallest one we've got? - Yeah.
Just do the deal on the floor.
Sorry? You want us to sit on the floor? Sarge, there's no way we can sit - It'll be all right.
- With these nutters? You've done a fantastic job.
Thank you.
It will be all right.
I will make it work.
The alligators are hungry.
We are awaiting the wildebeests.
Over.
You ever shot anyone? It's funny how these villains are never punctual.
The pick-up was at 1400.
It's now 1404.
- Do you like football? - Keep it quiet.
Quiet! - Shut it! - I support Arsenal myself.
Ray, you have got that money safe? It's as safe as the Crown Jewels, sir.
Over.
Guv'nor, I didn't know he was out.
- Who? - Reggie Kray.
Is that with a C or a K? Let's have a look.
- Whereabouts? - He looks good for his age.
It's Martin Kemp, Sarge! Martin! Martin, innit? - Strings.
- Can I have your autograph? One of your biggest fans, mate.
Put it "To D.
I.
Beach".
- Beach? - B-E-A-C-H.
Ohh! Oh! It's hot, innit? The Dynamic Duo have arrived (!) 14.
37.
Springboks approaching the water's edge.
We are going to try to get them to sit down with the alligators.
Over.
- Over here.
- I don't believe this.
- All right, mate? How's it going? - You got the money? - In the picnic basket.
- Who's he? - My partner.
- Like a cup of tea? - Are you having a laugh?! - Sit down, relax.
A picnic in a cash and carry car park? Are you sure? - You're drawing attention - Not like this! Are you mad? - Got the gear? - Yes! I've come to do a deal! Target acquired.
Right.
I think we're on, boys.
- Cucumber sandwich? - Stuff your sandwiches! Ain't done the exchange yet.
Wait for it.
- What does this do? - Don't touch that! (BLEEP) I ain't sitting down to do a deal! - It's all (BLEEP) coming out of it! - I'm sorry! 'Ere, what's all that bloody smoke? - The car's on fire! - Oh, my God! - What's that? - Old Bill! - Get Mark! - Come back with our guv'nor's money! - It's all gone pear-shaped.
- Ray, do you still have the money? Oh, no! Oh, my God! Come in.
Have you still got my money? - My eyes! - Bring back the picnic basket! ASH! Stop mucking about! RAY! Oh, Guv! Yes, I'm sorry.
I'm Mum? - Mum - Tell her you'll get it back.
Mum, I'm sorry.
Yes, I know it is.
It is a lot of money.
I could probably get most of it back to you before the end of the year.
And Mum? Mum? - That be a help, sir? - No.
Everything's going to be all right, sir.
# Ready or not, here I come # I'm gonna get you # Ready or not, here I come # I'm gonna get you # Ready or not, here I come # I'm gonna get you, get you, get you # I'm gonna get you # Get you! # Mum? Mum? Answer the door, Mum.
Come on, Mum.
You can't be mad for ever.