Planet Sex with Cara Delevingne (2022) s01e02 Episode Script
Out and Proud?
1
My name is Cara. Do I
have to say my whole name?
No. Be ridiculous.
Model, check. Activist/actor, check.
Privileged western white
woman, check, check, check.
That's a lot of labels.
But sexual identity
well, like loads of us,
I'm still working all that out.
I date men, but, oh, do I love
women and everyone in between.
I was born female, but
often feel like a guy.
- Wow.
- Wow.
My sex life, my gender
I'm just living off this queer energy.
my relationships.
A pussy sandwich.
All a bit of a hot mess.
This is the first time I've
spoken like this ever in my life.
So sexy queer-tastic
people of the world
- My vagina.
- That's your vagina!
I'm coming to get ya.
- And I want answers.
- Very quickly.
Like, how many sexual
identities are there?
Yay!
Is monogamy dead?
He's definitely not
faithful. Look at that guy.
What makes us hot or not?
Stunning!
And how can we pleasure seekers
get our hands on more orgasms?
Start masturbating now.
The most important thing about life
is connections with other humans.
Is that not the point of being alive?
A land of clits.
We don't talk enough about
how we can help each other.
Most people won't have ever
had these conversations.
So let's talk about it.
Oh, hello!
Yes, just casually judging
a queer twerking competition.
In the absolute effing
hottest place on Earth
and having a jolly good
time, thank you very much.
Nice crowd. Loving
the crowd's vibe today!
Why am I here?
Well, there's so much to
know about the world of sex,
but I want to start
with sexual orientation.
We love lesbians!
Where does it come from?
Is it fixed or fluid?
I want to meet people who
live openly and authentically,
to unlearn the shame I've
struggled with for years
and accept my identity.
Hold on, it's going to be
a bumpy queer ride folks.
We're just gonna talk about being gay.
Go gay. Queers here.
- Cara Dele-queer.
- Yes.
Serious.
How would I define my sexual identity?
I'm a Q for sure, I don't know.
I always have kind of believed
in the no labels thing,
but have spent a lot
of time then saying,
"I'm bisexual. I'm pansexual."
I am queer.
I'm a hundred percent can
tell you that I'm queer.
I just don't know what else
I can say other than that.
What do you think you'll discover
in this amazing journey we
are on about your sexualities?
Even though I've been queer,
I haven't really been
able to live a queer life.
You know, the internalised
shame or the kind of homophobia
is slightly there still.
When you are in this job
or when you are famous,
or something, it stunts a lot of things,
and, like, I didn't really
develop my queerness.
So I think I'm just
coming to it all very late.
Does that make sense? Cool.
I don't know where I expected
this journey to begin,
but it wasn't slap bang in
the middle of the desert.
What do I know about Palm Springs?
It's hot. It's a desert.
This is a place where
old people go to die.
Joking. That's a joke.
It's hot. It's so hot.
Why do people come here?
It's so hot!
Well, apparently, if you're
LGBTQ+, this is the place for us.
Once a desert hangout for
the 1960's Hollywood Rat Pack,
Palm Springs is now one of
the queerest towns in America
and was the first to have
an all LGBTQ+ council.
So it's a good place to
dip my toe in the water,
at the mother of all queer women events.
- I'm checking in, please.
- Yeah, of course.
Delevingne. D-E-L-E V-I-N-G-N-E.
It's hard to spell.
Yes, it's true.
I've still never been to
Pride or anything like that,
so this will be my very
first proper queer day out.
Sheesh.
So, do you come here often?
So scared. Scared.
- Where are you going?
- Where am I going?
- Am I meant to go this way?
- I'm a Cancer.
- I like long walks on the beach.
- So do I.
Okay, deep breath.
You guys are, like, the
least subtle posse ever.
Like this is not it. Yeah.
I don't really know what to expect.
Go round. A board.
But how intense could it be?
Are we gonna go in, though?
This is the Dinah Shore Weekend,
the biggest lesbian
pool party in the world.
15,000 women, trans and non-binary folk
out here in the desert.
You're coming in and you just see
an ocean of women and titties
and glitter and pasties.
A lot of dancing, a lot of twerking,
a lot of making out,
a lot of happy times.
Different body types. Different
ethnicities. I love it.
It's like Disneyland for lesbians.
It's clear I won't survive
unless I find friends ASAP.
Luckily, I got me some neighbours,
Kimber and Lilly, to hold my hand.
- All right, Dinah on three.
- One, two, three! Dinah!
Oh, my God.
That was the gayest
thing I've ever done.
Really? I don't believe you.
- Let's go!
- Welcome to Dinah Shore.
Soak it in.
And then a twerking contest.
Yeah!
Nice crowd. Loving
the crowd's vibe today!
Look, the whole thing
was face-meltingly loud,
so you'll have to read the next bit.
- This makes me emotional so much.
- Why?
I have never been to anything like this.
Just here's, like, hot
and amazing and fun.
And, like, just like
There's nothing hotter than
people living their best life.
But being here with this gorgeous,
colourful smorgasbord of queer people
has been intense.
What just happened? What didn't happen?
I don't know, I think
I guess I.. I don't know.
I'm out and I'm proud, you
know, to a certain extent.
But in my own life, I didn't
really find a community.
I didn't really speak, like,
experience these sort of things.
I did it in the public eye, which
again allowed myself to be
pointed fingers at,
or feel more of the hate
than I guess the love.
So it's a lot. It's
just a beautiful place.
Obviously, when you look at the footage,
it's arses and everyone dancing
and having the best time,
but for me it feels
so much more than that,
'cause it's just so much
love and that, you know.
Oh, God, this is the journey.
This is the discovery
of I don't know, yeah.
Like, I feel This is
Like, I'm feeling things.
I don't usually do that.
I didn't realise until
now how reassuring it is
to be with people who share
the same feelings as me.
I've been living in my own world,
when there's this whole big
LGBTQ+ wonderland out there.
In today's queer kaleidoscope,
there are a lot of
ways to define yourself.
Bears have a flag. I love that.
And dozens of different
types of sexual orientation.
So chic, darling.
Don't know the difference
between your As and bis and pans?
Don't worry, I'll call a doctor.
Dr Ronx is an ER medic,
queer activist and educator.
They'll help me straighten it all out.
Well, not straight-straighten.
Look, you know what I mean.
I love your trainers, babe.
Just to be clear, gender
is how you feel inside.
Sexual orientation, that's
who you fancy or not.
Okay, let's go!
"Lesbian."
A lesbian is a woman who is
attracted to another woman.
- "Gay."
- A term men use
to say that they are
attracted to other men.
It's also an umbrella term
for anybody that is not heterosexual.
- "Bisexual."
- Bisexual people
- fancy men and women.
- "Pansexual."
People who are attracted
to other people,
regardless of their gender identity.
- "Asexual."
- People who are not sexually attracted
- to other individuals.
- "Queer."
Everybody under the LGBTQI umbrella,
but not everybody identifies as queer.
We've evolved and so has our flag,
from a simple rainbow to
a cornucopia of colours.
Now called the Progress Flag.
It symbolises where as a
society we aim to progress to,
encompassing the whole spectrum
of sexual and gender identities.
I love that there's so
many more types of sexuality
being recognised than ever before,
and more openly queer
people on the planet.
36% of Gen Z say they feel some
level of same sex attraction,
twice as many as their
grandparents' generation.
What's driving this big queer leap?
I think it's because so many more of us
are unlearning the shame and
standing up to be counted.
Here's what I love about Tokyo.
A busy modern city and yet
bang in the middle of it,
ancient traditional scenes like this.
And this the ceremony hall.
Kodo Nishimura is the master
of this Buddhist temple.
- It's like a wedding ceremony.
- I know, look.
I feel like we could be married.
We have shared beliefs.
He grew up right here in this temple.
But even as a child, Kodo felt
different from the other kids.
I noticed that I shouldn't talk
about my interest in boys publicly,
and I felt like a perverted person.
I was constantly feeling
like there was a huge
black cloud above my head.
Back then, gay people couldn't
live as openly in Japan.
Kodo needed to find a place
that accepted who he was.
Moving to the US was
such a liberation for me.
I was learning about the
history of LGBTQ community,
how people in the past
have vote for our rights.
So if I can bring that to
Japan, I felt that would be cool.
Kodo returned to Tokyo in
2013 to champion gay rights,
and discovered to his surprise
the old family business of Buddhism
had been ready to
welcome him in all along.
What I later found out,
Buddhism is very embracing.
It says the mercy of Buddha
is just like the moonlight.
Anybody who looks up to the
moon can appreciate the beauty.
We can prioritise our uniquenesses
and shine in our own colour.
- Here you go.
- Oh, my gosh!
- Wonderful style of shirts.
- Do you want to open these too?
Oh, my gosh, she loves the jewellery!
I think the courage to speak up
is actually cooler than
pretending to be perfect.
- Yes, I completely agree with you.
- So Yeah.
- So
- High five to that.
So, now I'm gonna transform and
Transform away. I will leave you.
I will love you and leave you.
Okay, cool.
Today Kodo is a
celebrity in his homeland
and not just as a Buddhist monk,
but something totally extra.
For his powers of glam
as a makeup artist.
I can approach people's
hearts with Buddhist teachings,
and I can also approach their
outer attributes using makeup.
They both help people to
gain confidence or balance.
Yes, gorgina.
- Oh, my God, you look amazing.
- Thank you.
One foot in fashion and one
foot in ancient tradition.
And, for Kodo, it works.
What would you like for the
future and for the future of Japan?
If I can inspire leaders of the world,
also religious leaders, to
lift laws against LGBTQ people,
that would be wonderful, because
we have to be safe to be us.
And we're not going anywhere.
Society grows naturally like a tree.
So if you just keep watering,
it's gonna grow, and I have hope
that all communities can learn diversity
and celebrate its beauty.
What an incredibly strong
but also wise person he is.
No matter how much the traditional side
has probably stopped him from
wanting to be the certain way,
his heart and his light shone through.
And I really I've just
learnt a lot from him.
It made me very emotional.
It made me just so proud.
Being happy in yourself within yourself
gives you the resources to
be able to help other people,
and that's what is most
important in the world.
There are just little
glimpses into people
who are really brilliant
and radical and rebels,
and it's a beautiful thing.
Radicals and rebels made
same sex relationships legal
in my home country 50 years ago.
But growing up, the messaging
from the people around me
could still be heard loud and clear.
I couldn't talk to anyone
about it, and I definitely had
a lot of, like, internalised
homophobia and shame.
I thought that I was, like, abnormal
and I that I wasn't right.
Everyone else was right and I was wrong,
'cause I wasn't like everyone else.
I thought about ending my life.
Like, I had, like, multiple times.
And, like, I'm so glad I didn't
because if I can help any other
kid, that means the world to me,
that means the world
to that little queer kid
that I was or am.
The thing is, I've always wondered
why I feel so much
shame about my sexuality.
Because, honestly, people,
this stuff is not new.
Since humans have walked the
Earth, there have been queer folk.
From famous gays like Ancient
Greek Alexander the Great
to Aztec god of
homosexuality, Xōchipilli.
Through plenty of British
kings, who are apparently queens.
Two Williams, two Richards,
an Edward, a James,
and, of course, Queen Anne.
Same sex attraction has been around
for a long time and in a lot of places.
So what shapes our sexual orientation?
Is it nature or is it nurture?
Is it something that happened to me
growing up, or was I born this way?
Well, there are plenty
of ideas flying around,
but one person who studies
this area is Dr Gerulf Rieger.
He believes answers lie in our biology.
Think about it like this. The
majority of us are straight.
We need our sexual orientation
to create babies and continue
to thrive as a species.
So the idea that the social environment
has such profound influences
on something so important to us
just doesn't make any sense.
Everything from overbearing
mothers, boarding schools,
being in the Navy and
having older sisters
has been blamed for turning people gay.
But if society really makes you gay,
wouldn't there be a load more of us?
Gerulf thinks our sexual
orientation is set much earlier,
before we're even born, in fact.
- Hello. How's everybody doing today?
- Good, thank you.
Let's get one thing straight.
There's no one factor that makes us gay,
just a big biological cocktail of bits
that shape whether you swing this
way, that way, or another way.
First up, there are
numerous genes involved.
Recently we've had complex
work done on the human genome
that suggests that
there are several genes
that could influence a
homosexual orientation.
There's not just one.
Hormones matter too.
Our number one educated guess is,
it's the level of testosterone
that we're exposed to or react to
as an unborn child.
Let's say a baby girl that was exposed
to unusually high levels of testosterone
is more likely to become homosexual.
Okay, and do you want to
know the baby's gender?
- Yes, please.
- Okay.
- Well, it's definitely a girl.
- Perfect.
Then it gets even weirder.
Another theory is
mothers produce antibodies
in response to male babies.
Maybe we should call them "mantibodies."
When the mother is pregnant
for the first time with a son,
she actually gets exposed
to male typical proteins,
which is something that
her own body isn't used to.
These antibodies stay
in the mother's system.
Then they can affect the
development of the second son
and could therefore disrupt
the regular development
of his sexual orientation.
This suggests the greater number
of older brothers you have,
the more likely you are to be gay,
only by a few percent,
but it's still a vital clue
in this big queer puzzle.
So what does this all add up to?
Well, with so many factors
involved in our sexual orientation,
it's no wonder there's so much diversity
and so many shades of gay.
When it comes to the
question of how innate
is somebody's sexual orientation,
my educated guess is
probably a hundred percent.
It's something that really
comes from within the person.
What exactly are the ingredients,
that's the million dollar question.
You're born this way. I'm born this way.
So you can pack that judginess
away, thank you very much.
It's not a choice, which
is a relief, to be honest.
And it's nothing me, other queer folk
or our parents did wrong.
All right, okay, but next question.
Is our sexuality fixed from birth,
or is it something that evolves
and changes throughout life?
I still am of the belief
that sexuality is definitely a spectrum,
and I feel like mine wavers.
But also I'm probably definitely
more on the side of women.
But I like having sex with
men. I just don't date them.
I might, though. You never know.
But, again, I think it's a beautiful
unwavering wavering beautiful boo.
But if biologically speaking
there are so many shades of gay,
how do I know for sure which one I am?
And what about my
fluctuating sexual fluidity?
Is it my mind choosing
who I want to have sex with
or who my body reacts to?
Sexologist Dr Marieke Dewitte
is an expert on what turns us on. Meow.
- Are you Flemish? I'm Flemish.
- I'm Flemish.
- Fellow Flem.
- Yeah.
So I signed up to her sex
lab to watch a lot of porn,
all in the name of science.
Who wouldn't be excited by
watching a whole lot of porn today?
Come in and welcome to our sex lab.
As you can see, we try to create
kind of a living room effect,
a little bit more cosy.
So, we are going to
present several video clips.
You know what I thought about?
My parents watching this.
Well, maybe you should have
thought about that before.
Try to ignore it. The main thing
is actually what you need
to do, is just sit, relax
and try not to touch
yourself and sit still.
Try not to? I can contain myself.
Try not to touch yourself and
just watch the screen, yeah?
- Okay, perfect.
- Have fun, Cara.
- I will. I will try. Fuck.
- Yeah, definitely.
I'm sorry, this is
what? And it goes where?
When you get sexually aroused,
more blood is being
pumped into your vagina,
and, therefore, the colour
of your vagina wall changes.
And this device
measures the amount of
blood in your vagina cavity.
- Can I ask a question?
- Sure.
Can you read my mind through my vagina?
- No.
- It's going in now.
Right. Jesus!
- Can you guys see that it's in?
- I can see your signal.
Oh, my God! My signal?
What the fuck is happening?
I can see your vagina pulse, yes.
Great. I love that for us.
Okay, try not to think about my parents
or about the camera
12 inches from my face.
My frankly ridiculous task is
to watch different kinds of porn,
while Marieke's vag monitor
records how aroused I am down below,
and I yank a lever
to rate how turned on I
feel up above in my mind.
Okay, fire it up. First,
two guys shagging each other.
Like, I can feel my breath
shortening or whatever crap.
We can see there's something happening.
Then lesbian sex.
Yeah, okay.
My body feels that
shivering feeling again.
Great. Weird. This is strange.
Just had a real big influx of horniness
and then a real big influx of shame.
How bad is that still? Why?
Straight sex.
He's not very good at this.
There's men masturbating.
I'm less horny than I thought I was.
Oh, Lord.
Women masturbating.
That just seems uncomfortable.
So fake nails, bro.
You're gonna say something
different, aren't you, vagina?
Then a surprise little bonus
clip of some hairy monkey sex.
Okay, this is properly weird now.
Oh, my God, what's it doing?
It's called oral sex.
This is wild. Literally.
An hour later, thank
God, that's it, I'm done.
I don't even know how to feel anymore.
- So there she is. How was it?
- Do I look traumatised?
Not at all. Did you
find it traumatising?
No. Maybe.
But what the F does this all mean
when it comes to sexual orientation?
What did you see?
We could clearly see that your body
automatically reacted
to a sexual stimulus.
So the moment there
was something sexual,
you had this automatic
genital arousal response,
because your body, your brain,
recognises this as sexual,
you've learned this is
sexual, so you react.
So it sounds like my genitals
find everything, human and animal, sexy.
But is this to be expected?
Your response actually matched
with what we saw in previous research,
that the genital
arousal response of women
is rather non specific.
It kind of shows that for women
it's sexual activity that matters.
It says nothing about your
sexual orientation or identity.
'Cause matters of the genitals
are not matters of the heart.
So sometimes women who don't
identify as being lesbian,
they get turned on by the women,
and it's like, "Oh,
my God, is this ?"
They get confused.
But it's just this diversity of
Yeah, women get aroused
by different stimuli.
Phew, so this isn't some
secret lust for monkeys.
It's a primal bodily
response to sexual stuff,
one shared by females.
But what was my mind
saying about all of this?
Your reactive sexual
arousal clearly differed
depending on the type of
porn you were watching.
And what we saw in your pattern,
it seems that, especially
the lesbian porn in specific,
really turned you on in
terms of reactive arousal.
Does it match your sexual orientation?
- For sure.
- Do you feel attracted to women?
So generally I think women are
my preferred gender, I suppose.
How you feel, the mental component,
we see that in women,
it's more specific,
that what really turns you on
is kind of a little bit more
tied to what you also prefer.
My mind is much more in sync
with my own sexual orientation.
For males, though,
it's a different story.
Their bodies react only to the
stuff that turns on their minds.
Men actually only respond to stimuli
that match their sexual orientation,
but in women there's much more fluidity
and erotic plasticity, as we call it.
Women's sexuality can
change throughout life,
and they're much more diverse.
So both our bodies and minds
feed into this thing we
call sexual orientation.
And women are more fluid
and varied than men.
But, crucially, none of it is a choice.
I think it's also asking
yourself, or thinking,
"However you're feeling is not natural."
But it is natural
because it's happening.
That's always what I would think,
growing up with a lot of shame,
is thinking, "This isn't
normal. this isn't human."
- But it's, like, it is.
- Yeah. I mean
Yeah, that's the sticky bit, the shame.
The pressure from society and
the world around me growing up
doesn't have the slightest impact
on our innate sexual orientation,
but it sure does affect how you
feel about your sexual identity.
I wrestled with that today.
It did bring up little silly
feelings of self-identifying
and, like, guilt or shame,
and that kind of stuff.
And it kind of also made me
silence myself in that way
because I'm, like, so bored
of that kind of self-projection
and, like, self battery.
The more I tried to deny the fact
that I was in any way homosexual,
the more I hated myself.
What you also try to deny
then kind of rears its head even more.
The thing is, you could
say my sexuality is natural.
I can say, "I'm born
this way. Accept it."
But the truth is I can still
feel the stigma and the shame.
And I know there are
many people out there
who have grown up in far more
difficult circumstances than me.
I want to meet people who have lived
through societal shame and
rejection, and fought back
so I can understand how
to be more self-accepting.
Sound check.
My name is The Darvish,
and I am a Syrian performance artist,
an event organiser,
community changer and an
LGBTQIA+ rights advocate.
And I consider myself a force of nature.
- Hello.
- Hello, my love.
- My man, indeed.
- Hi, my love. Oh, my goodness.
- How are you, my man?
- Pleasure meeting you.
We're now entering the club.
We need to create some magic.
The Darvish is from Syria,
where same sex relationships
are still illegal.
- Whoo, honey.
- Honey.
We need a little bit of
techno, and that's it basically.
It's literally all you need.
I realised when I'm queer
probably in the age of 14.
Up and straight and you
drop it. One and two.
And then the journey started
of me immediately realising
that this is a taboo in the
country that I am in right now,
and that it is dangerous
for me to, you know, own it.
So, yeah, started living, um
more carefully and
cautiously, but gracefully.
And, yella, yeah. Use the hands, okay.
She's getting it. Okay.
When ISIS overtook parts of Syria,
The Darvish had to make a choice.
The war got really serious.
Persecutions and executions
and stuff like that.
That's where it really hit us
we cannot be visible at all.
The decision over me leaving
Syria, that was the hardest thing.
Choosing my life.
And
Yeah.
One second.
I focused on imagining
how my life would be.
You don't have to live a double life.
You don't have to pretend
anymore. You don't have to act.
You can be you. Free.
The Darvish has now been
safe in Berlin for six years.
Your mum, she understood,
though, you leaving, or not?
Well, she didn't want to.
She didn't want to understand.
It was very hard for
her, for me to leave,
but I think I made my point very clear
that if I stay, there is
no future for me, you know?
- It got too dark.
- Yeah.
Right? I don't like it.
Oh, no. I thought you meant life.
I said, "Yes."
I disagree, honey.
I actually have a
little something for you.
This is for you. This
is a little dervish.
- Yeah, whirling dervish!
- Yes.
So, this is to say that you
mean a lot to the community
and we really appreciate you,
and thank you so much
for being with us tonight.
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
I am a whirling dervish.
- Perfect, I'm happy you like it.
- Oh, that's so cute!
Tonight The Darvish will be performing
with their collective called
Queens Against Borders,
working for the Trans and
Queer Refugee Community.
Hello!
Okay. Thank you so much everyone
for being here with
us at this fundraiser.
We're very glad that you're here.
Welcome to the stage, Dornika
and her bad bitch Tram.
Yes.
Whoo!
I think finding and building a
community anywhere in the world,
whatever community
it is, is super vital.
The community that I have built
brought to me everything
that I could ever imagine,
which is me being me.
Yeah!
Please, put your hands together
for the gorgeous, the
stunning, the beautiful,
the one and only, The Darvish!
I never really had any
interest of politics,
but being the person I am is a
political statement by itself.
I am a walking politician, let's say.
I choose my dance and my
passion and my performances
to say something.
I am trying my best to
have the visibility here
in order later to mobilise
it there, in Syria.
I'm beginning to understand
what I've been missing
by not being more
active like The Darvish.
They've unlearned the shame and
surrounded themselves with love.
It's given me so much to think about.
I don't really go to gay
bars. I don't really know
I mean, I'm a shit gay person.
Also because I think that
comes from a deep line
of like not really wanting
to be gay that much.
But like I do, it's just with
every story there's been
It's been plagued with some sort
of, some element of heartbreak,
but then some massive
amount of joy, you know.
And that's the magic of queer people.
I mean, it's an amazing gift
and a curse in so many ways.
It's a double edged sword.
But that's what I always
leave feeling, is joy,
which is that's the
rainbow, that's the community.
Today, across the world,
there are trailblazing countries
where marginalised LGBTQ+ folk
can find that community and that joy.
And South Africa is a known
haven for queer refugees.
One of the first countries to
legalise same sex marriages,
and the only one in Africa.
There are LGBTQ+ church groups
To find an LGBT ministry
within South Africa,
it just makes everything better.
and queer festivals
I actually love it because I
can be whoever that I feel like.
Well, I'm a homosexual, very gay,
over the top, extremely flamboyant.
Spaces like this are
definitely important
because I don't know, I
just feel so much more need.
We wanna get married
and just settle down
and just live a beautiful life.
And have furry babies, 'cause
I don't want actual ones.
I mean, come on, why wouldn't you want
to be a part of this
big old queer family
when it looks like so much fun?
Yet, it's no wonder so
many of us LGBTQ+ folks
still feel shamed,
given that even in
so-called liberal countries,
there are laws being
tabled against queer people.
Don't say "gay," right?
Which is why we need
events like Dinah Shore,
not just to party, but as a refuge.
I'm back with my new
friends, Kimber and Lilly.
I wish I could go back to
myself, back when I was younger,
and just kind of
figuring out my sexuality,
and I wish I could show
myself what my life is today.
I grew up in Tennessee,
in a very conservative
family, very religious,
and being gay was just, like,
absolutely not acceptable.
Here I am all these years later,
and I have an unbelievable
queer community around me.
It's just so important
to not feel alone,
and I feel like a lot of
queer people feel alone.
And you're not gonna feel alone here.
Where we live, there's
not very many places
- It's better now.
- They're starting to accept it,
but you still get a little
bit of a look here and there.
Like, do you walk down
the street holding hands?
Probably not.
It's amazing for me,
especially, like, I didn't
come out until later in life.
- So
- I'm an old lesbian.
So, yeah, for me, like, it's, um
It just feels like very
less, I don't know, stressful.
Like, I don't feel like
I need to hold back.
I'm just I'm pretty
much me everywhere,
but here it's just a little extra.
- Like, just total.
- It's emotional.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She's having a good time.
That's all that matters. Sorry.
It's incredible to be
free just for a few hours.
It feels like a weight has been lifted.
- Hey, Cara!
- Yes?
Welcome to Palm Springs!
Thank you!
Yeah!
We love lesbians!
I now have gay friends.
- What have you learnt?
- So, wait, I'm confused.
Okay, pass me back that. I need it.
Okay, so what have I
learnt about myself?
I love being queer.
You know, this, like,
internalised homophobia
or this repressed, you
know, whatever, um
Yeah, I don't know why I said
that. Being here, I don't know why.
It's something that I put on myself,
not generally to other people.
It's about myself.
But then this experience has really
I've felt like I've made
friends with that in myself.
I think that's what I've learnt,
which is a whole roundabout
way of saying, um
I shouldn't be shameful, I suppose.
So I guess that's my story over, right?
My own journey of
self-acceptance done and dusted
thanks to the amazing
queer people I've met
and the wet and wild
world of Dinah Shore.
Well, not quite.
The thing is LGBTQ+ festivals
are kind of a closed
world, a cosy safe refuge.
It's time to stop hiding
and do what I said at the
start that I've never done.
It's time to go out there and
be visible in a city I love.
Yes, at last, I'm gonna
go to fricking Pride!
I want that outfit. You look amazing.
Look at those models' faces.
The fame.
Do you mind if I interview you?
I'd love to interview you as well.
- I can do that.
- Okay, good.
I've never been to Pride before,
so this is my first Pride.
I've been out for a while, but yeah.
- Happy Pride.
- Happy Pride!
Tell me a bit about your
experience as drag queens.
How old you were when ?
- But we're still only 15.
- Yeah, exactly.
- Me too.
- I'm 12.
- I'm 12.
- No, you aren't.
When did you come out?
26, 27. Don't ask me how old I am.
I wouldn't ask a lady
that. Yeah, I know.
- The last ten years, changing a lot.
- It's changing a lot.
But now marriage, family,
kids. It's wonderful.
Yeah. It's possible.
It's always that one month of
Pride or Pride Week or Pride,
but I think we need
to be proud every day.
- But thank you so much.
- And thanks for spreading the word.
It's a really big deal.
It's a duty, I feel. I
haven't done it until now.
- Happy Pride!
- Happy Pride!
It's emotional for me a little bit,
'cause I think when you're queer
and you spend so much time
being quiet and being silenced,
Pride allows a space for
people to come and feel safe.
The rainbow's a perfect example
of showing their true colours,
showing who they really
are, being able to be loud.
Oh, my God!
Pride has now been running
for more than 50 years.
Since the first one in New York in 1970,
there are dozens of Pride events
around the world every year.
Here, the weather might be gloomy,
but there are rainbows galore,
and I've just seen a familiar face.
- Hello, again!
- Hi! Oh, my gosh!
- Sorry. How are you?
- Hi.
This is amazing, yeah.
Yesterday I saw two men holding hands
for the first time in my life, and
Anybody who sees them will
be like, "Oh, this is "
- This is normal. Not weird.
- Yeah.
What Pride has taught me is,
in so many places in the world,
you can find LGBTQ+ community.
Many of us have been
on similar journeys.
Some individuals can make a difference.
I've met them, and they've inspired me
to say goodbye to that
shame once and for all.
I feel so much more comfortable,
and I feel very proud.
I mean, not just because it was Pride.
It's not like it's changed me.
It's not like I've discovered
new elements of myself.
It's just me being able to
be myself in these situations.
It's just been a real revelation.
I just want to keep being
in this Planet Sex mode.
Meeting people from around the world,
connecting, listening
to people's stories,
trying to imagine their
situation, trying to understand,
and through that,
understand more about myself,
and hopefully ignite or inspire others
to have similar conversations.
I've just never done
anything so personal.
It makes me realise what's important
and how much more active I want to be
in terms of trying to make
some sort of small difference.
Any difference is still
better than nothing.
Okay. No, I'm sad. Is it over?
It's never over. Pride's never
over. Here's to coming out.
It's a really beautiful experience,
and I'm so thankful for it.
Don't, I'll get fucking
emotional. I hate emotions.
What do you want? Just say can't.
Yes.
My name is Cara. Do I
have to say my whole name?
No. Be ridiculous.
Model, check. Activist/actor, check.
Privileged western white
woman, check, check, check.
That's a lot of labels.
But sexual identity
well, like loads of us,
I'm still working all that out.
I date men, but, oh, do I love
women and everyone in between.
I was born female, but
often feel like a guy.
- Wow.
- Wow.
My sex life, my gender
I'm just living off this queer energy.
my relationships.
A pussy sandwich.
All a bit of a hot mess.
This is the first time I've
spoken like this ever in my life.
So sexy queer-tastic
people of the world
- My vagina.
- That's your vagina!
I'm coming to get ya.
- And I want answers.
- Very quickly.
Like, how many sexual
identities are there?
Yay!
Is monogamy dead?
He's definitely not
faithful. Look at that guy.
What makes us hot or not?
Stunning!
And how can we pleasure seekers
get our hands on more orgasms?
Start masturbating now.
The most important thing about life
is connections with other humans.
Is that not the point of being alive?
A land of clits.
We don't talk enough about
how we can help each other.
Most people won't have ever
had these conversations.
So let's talk about it.
Oh, hello!
Yes, just casually judging
a queer twerking competition.
In the absolute effing
hottest place on Earth
and having a jolly good
time, thank you very much.
Nice crowd. Loving
the crowd's vibe today!
Why am I here?
Well, there's so much to
know about the world of sex,
but I want to start
with sexual orientation.
We love lesbians!
Where does it come from?
Is it fixed or fluid?
I want to meet people who
live openly and authentically,
to unlearn the shame I've
struggled with for years
and accept my identity.
Hold on, it's going to be
a bumpy queer ride folks.
We're just gonna talk about being gay.
Go gay. Queers here.
- Cara Dele-queer.
- Yes.
Serious.
How would I define my sexual identity?
I'm a Q for sure, I don't know.
I always have kind of believed
in the no labels thing,
but have spent a lot
of time then saying,
"I'm bisexual. I'm pansexual."
I am queer.
I'm a hundred percent can
tell you that I'm queer.
I just don't know what else
I can say other than that.
What do you think you'll discover
in this amazing journey we
are on about your sexualities?
Even though I've been queer,
I haven't really been
able to live a queer life.
You know, the internalised
shame or the kind of homophobia
is slightly there still.
When you are in this job
or when you are famous,
or something, it stunts a lot of things,
and, like, I didn't really
develop my queerness.
So I think I'm just
coming to it all very late.
Does that make sense? Cool.
I don't know where I expected
this journey to begin,
but it wasn't slap bang in
the middle of the desert.
What do I know about Palm Springs?
It's hot. It's a desert.
This is a place where
old people go to die.
Joking. That's a joke.
It's hot. It's so hot.
Why do people come here?
It's so hot!
Well, apparently, if you're
LGBTQ+, this is the place for us.
Once a desert hangout for
the 1960's Hollywood Rat Pack,
Palm Springs is now one of
the queerest towns in America
and was the first to have
an all LGBTQ+ council.
So it's a good place to
dip my toe in the water,
at the mother of all queer women events.
- I'm checking in, please.
- Yeah, of course.
Delevingne. D-E-L-E V-I-N-G-N-E.
It's hard to spell.
Yes, it's true.
I've still never been to
Pride or anything like that,
so this will be my very
first proper queer day out.
Sheesh.
So, do you come here often?
So scared. Scared.
- Where are you going?
- Where am I going?
- Am I meant to go this way?
- I'm a Cancer.
- I like long walks on the beach.
- So do I.
Okay, deep breath.
You guys are, like, the
least subtle posse ever.
Like this is not it. Yeah.
I don't really know what to expect.
Go round. A board.
But how intense could it be?
Are we gonna go in, though?
This is the Dinah Shore Weekend,
the biggest lesbian
pool party in the world.
15,000 women, trans and non-binary folk
out here in the desert.
You're coming in and you just see
an ocean of women and titties
and glitter and pasties.
A lot of dancing, a lot of twerking,
a lot of making out,
a lot of happy times.
Different body types. Different
ethnicities. I love it.
It's like Disneyland for lesbians.
It's clear I won't survive
unless I find friends ASAP.
Luckily, I got me some neighbours,
Kimber and Lilly, to hold my hand.
- All right, Dinah on three.
- One, two, three! Dinah!
Oh, my God.
That was the gayest
thing I've ever done.
Really? I don't believe you.
- Let's go!
- Welcome to Dinah Shore.
Soak it in.
And then a twerking contest.
Yeah!
Nice crowd. Loving
the crowd's vibe today!
Look, the whole thing
was face-meltingly loud,
so you'll have to read the next bit.
- This makes me emotional so much.
- Why?
I have never been to anything like this.
Just here's, like, hot
and amazing and fun.
And, like, just like
There's nothing hotter than
people living their best life.
But being here with this gorgeous,
colourful smorgasbord of queer people
has been intense.
What just happened? What didn't happen?
I don't know, I think
I guess I.. I don't know.
I'm out and I'm proud, you
know, to a certain extent.
But in my own life, I didn't
really find a community.
I didn't really speak, like,
experience these sort of things.
I did it in the public eye, which
again allowed myself to be
pointed fingers at,
or feel more of the hate
than I guess the love.
So it's a lot. It's
just a beautiful place.
Obviously, when you look at the footage,
it's arses and everyone dancing
and having the best time,
but for me it feels
so much more than that,
'cause it's just so much
love and that, you know.
Oh, God, this is the journey.
This is the discovery
of I don't know, yeah.
Like, I feel This is
Like, I'm feeling things.
I don't usually do that.
I didn't realise until
now how reassuring it is
to be with people who share
the same feelings as me.
I've been living in my own world,
when there's this whole big
LGBTQ+ wonderland out there.
In today's queer kaleidoscope,
there are a lot of
ways to define yourself.
Bears have a flag. I love that.
And dozens of different
types of sexual orientation.
So chic, darling.
Don't know the difference
between your As and bis and pans?
Don't worry, I'll call a doctor.
Dr Ronx is an ER medic,
queer activist and educator.
They'll help me straighten it all out.
Well, not straight-straighten.
Look, you know what I mean.
I love your trainers, babe.
Just to be clear, gender
is how you feel inside.
Sexual orientation, that's
who you fancy or not.
Okay, let's go!
"Lesbian."
A lesbian is a woman who is
attracted to another woman.
- "Gay."
- A term men use
to say that they are
attracted to other men.
It's also an umbrella term
for anybody that is not heterosexual.
- "Bisexual."
- Bisexual people
- fancy men and women.
- "Pansexual."
People who are attracted
to other people,
regardless of their gender identity.
- "Asexual."
- People who are not sexually attracted
- to other individuals.
- "Queer."
Everybody under the LGBTQI umbrella,
but not everybody identifies as queer.
We've evolved and so has our flag,
from a simple rainbow to
a cornucopia of colours.
Now called the Progress Flag.
It symbolises where as a
society we aim to progress to,
encompassing the whole spectrum
of sexual and gender identities.
I love that there's so
many more types of sexuality
being recognised than ever before,
and more openly queer
people on the planet.
36% of Gen Z say they feel some
level of same sex attraction,
twice as many as their
grandparents' generation.
What's driving this big queer leap?
I think it's because so many more of us
are unlearning the shame and
standing up to be counted.
Here's what I love about Tokyo.
A busy modern city and yet
bang in the middle of it,
ancient traditional scenes like this.
And this the ceremony hall.
Kodo Nishimura is the master
of this Buddhist temple.
- It's like a wedding ceremony.
- I know, look.
I feel like we could be married.
We have shared beliefs.
He grew up right here in this temple.
But even as a child, Kodo felt
different from the other kids.
I noticed that I shouldn't talk
about my interest in boys publicly,
and I felt like a perverted person.
I was constantly feeling
like there was a huge
black cloud above my head.
Back then, gay people couldn't
live as openly in Japan.
Kodo needed to find a place
that accepted who he was.
Moving to the US was
such a liberation for me.
I was learning about the
history of LGBTQ community,
how people in the past
have vote for our rights.
So if I can bring that to
Japan, I felt that would be cool.
Kodo returned to Tokyo in
2013 to champion gay rights,
and discovered to his surprise
the old family business of Buddhism
had been ready to
welcome him in all along.
What I later found out,
Buddhism is very embracing.
It says the mercy of Buddha
is just like the moonlight.
Anybody who looks up to the
moon can appreciate the beauty.
We can prioritise our uniquenesses
and shine in our own colour.
- Here you go.
- Oh, my gosh!
- Wonderful style of shirts.
- Do you want to open these too?
Oh, my gosh, she loves the jewellery!
I think the courage to speak up
is actually cooler than
pretending to be perfect.
- Yes, I completely agree with you.
- So Yeah.
- So
- High five to that.
So, now I'm gonna transform and
Transform away. I will leave you.
I will love you and leave you.
Okay, cool.
Today Kodo is a
celebrity in his homeland
and not just as a Buddhist monk,
but something totally extra.
For his powers of glam
as a makeup artist.
I can approach people's
hearts with Buddhist teachings,
and I can also approach their
outer attributes using makeup.
They both help people to
gain confidence or balance.
Yes, gorgina.
- Oh, my God, you look amazing.
- Thank you.
One foot in fashion and one
foot in ancient tradition.
And, for Kodo, it works.
What would you like for the
future and for the future of Japan?
If I can inspire leaders of the world,
also religious leaders, to
lift laws against LGBTQ people,
that would be wonderful, because
we have to be safe to be us.
And we're not going anywhere.
Society grows naturally like a tree.
So if you just keep watering,
it's gonna grow, and I have hope
that all communities can learn diversity
and celebrate its beauty.
What an incredibly strong
but also wise person he is.
No matter how much the traditional side
has probably stopped him from
wanting to be the certain way,
his heart and his light shone through.
And I really I've just
learnt a lot from him.
It made me very emotional.
It made me just so proud.
Being happy in yourself within yourself
gives you the resources to
be able to help other people,
and that's what is most
important in the world.
There are just little
glimpses into people
who are really brilliant
and radical and rebels,
and it's a beautiful thing.
Radicals and rebels made
same sex relationships legal
in my home country 50 years ago.
But growing up, the messaging
from the people around me
could still be heard loud and clear.
I couldn't talk to anyone
about it, and I definitely had
a lot of, like, internalised
homophobia and shame.
I thought that I was, like, abnormal
and I that I wasn't right.
Everyone else was right and I was wrong,
'cause I wasn't like everyone else.
I thought about ending my life.
Like, I had, like, multiple times.
And, like, I'm so glad I didn't
because if I can help any other
kid, that means the world to me,
that means the world
to that little queer kid
that I was or am.
The thing is, I've always wondered
why I feel so much
shame about my sexuality.
Because, honestly, people,
this stuff is not new.
Since humans have walked the
Earth, there have been queer folk.
From famous gays like Ancient
Greek Alexander the Great
to Aztec god of
homosexuality, Xōchipilli.
Through plenty of British
kings, who are apparently queens.
Two Williams, two Richards,
an Edward, a James,
and, of course, Queen Anne.
Same sex attraction has been around
for a long time and in a lot of places.
So what shapes our sexual orientation?
Is it nature or is it nurture?
Is it something that happened to me
growing up, or was I born this way?
Well, there are plenty
of ideas flying around,
but one person who studies
this area is Dr Gerulf Rieger.
He believes answers lie in our biology.
Think about it like this. The
majority of us are straight.
We need our sexual orientation
to create babies and continue
to thrive as a species.
So the idea that the social environment
has such profound influences
on something so important to us
just doesn't make any sense.
Everything from overbearing
mothers, boarding schools,
being in the Navy and
having older sisters
has been blamed for turning people gay.
But if society really makes you gay,
wouldn't there be a load more of us?
Gerulf thinks our sexual
orientation is set much earlier,
before we're even born, in fact.
- Hello. How's everybody doing today?
- Good, thank you.
Let's get one thing straight.
There's no one factor that makes us gay,
just a big biological cocktail of bits
that shape whether you swing this
way, that way, or another way.
First up, there are
numerous genes involved.
Recently we've had complex
work done on the human genome
that suggests that
there are several genes
that could influence a
homosexual orientation.
There's not just one.
Hormones matter too.
Our number one educated guess is,
it's the level of testosterone
that we're exposed to or react to
as an unborn child.
Let's say a baby girl that was exposed
to unusually high levels of testosterone
is more likely to become homosexual.
Okay, and do you want to
know the baby's gender?
- Yes, please.
- Okay.
- Well, it's definitely a girl.
- Perfect.
Then it gets even weirder.
Another theory is
mothers produce antibodies
in response to male babies.
Maybe we should call them "mantibodies."
When the mother is pregnant
for the first time with a son,
she actually gets exposed
to male typical proteins,
which is something that
her own body isn't used to.
These antibodies stay
in the mother's system.
Then they can affect the
development of the second son
and could therefore disrupt
the regular development
of his sexual orientation.
This suggests the greater number
of older brothers you have,
the more likely you are to be gay,
only by a few percent,
but it's still a vital clue
in this big queer puzzle.
So what does this all add up to?
Well, with so many factors
involved in our sexual orientation,
it's no wonder there's so much diversity
and so many shades of gay.
When it comes to the
question of how innate
is somebody's sexual orientation,
my educated guess is
probably a hundred percent.
It's something that really
comes from within the person.
What exactly are the ingredients,
that's the million dollar question.
You're born this way. I'm born this way.
So you can pack that judginess
away, thank you very much.
It's not a choice, which
is a relief, to be honest.
And it's nothing me, other queer folk
or our parents did wrong.
All right, okay, but next question.
Is our sexuality fixed from birth,
or is it something that evolves
and changes throughout life?
I still am of the belief
that sexuality is definitely a spectrum,
and I feel like mine wavers.
But also I'm probably definitely
more on the side of women.
But I like having sex with
men. I just don't date them.
I might, though. You never know.
But, again, I think it's a beautiful
unwavering wavering beautiful boo.
But if biologically speaking
there are so many shades of gay,
how do I know for sure which one I am?
And what about my
fluctuating sexual fluidity?
Is it my mind choosing
who I want to have sex with
or who my body reacts to?
Sexologist Dr Marieke Dewitte
is an expert on what turns us on. Meow.
- Are you Flemish? I'm Flemish.
- I'm Flemish.
- Fellow Flem.
- Yeah.
So I signed up to her sex
lab to watch a lot of porn,
all in the name of science.
Who wouldn't be excited by
watching a whole lot of porn today?
Come in and welcome to our sex lab.
As you can see, we try to create
kind of a living room effect,
a little bit more cosy.
So, we are going to
present several video clips.
You know what I thought about?
My parents watching this.
Well, maybe you should have
thought about that before.
Try to ignore it. The main thing
is actually what you need
to do, is just sit, relax
and try not to touch
yourself and sit still.
Try not to? I can contain myself.
Try not to touch yourself and
just watch the screen, yeah?
- Okay, perfect.
- Have fun, Cara.
- I will. I will try. Fuck.
- Yeah, definitely.
I'm sorry, this is
what? And it goes where?
When you get sexually aroused,
more blood is being
pumped into your vagina,
and, therefore, the colour
of your vagina wall changes.
And this device
measures the amount of
blood in your vagina cavity.
- Can I ask a question?
- Sure.
Can you read my mind through my vagina?
- No.
- It's going in now.
Right. Jesus!
- Can you guys see that it's in?
- I can see your signal.
Oh, my God! My signal?
What the fuck is happening?
I can see your vagina pulse, yes.
Great. I love that for us.
Okay, try not to think about my parents
or about the camera
12 inches from my face.
My frankly ridiculous task is
to watch different kinds of porn,
while Marieke's vag monitor
records how aroused I am down below,
and I yank a lever
to rate how turned on I
feel up above in my mind.
Okay, fire it up. First,
two guys shagging each other.
Like, I can feel my breath
shortening or whatever crap.
We can see there's something happening.
Then lesbian sex.
Yeah, okay.
My body feels that
shivering feeling again.
Great. Weird. This is strange.
Just had a real big influx of horniness
and then a real big influx of shame.
How bad is that still? Why?
Straight sex.
He's not very good at this.
There's men masturbating.
I'm less horny than I thought I was.
Oh, Lord.
Women masturbating.
That just seems uncomfortable.
So fake nails, bro.
You're gonna say something
different, aren't you, vagina?
Then a surprise little bonus
clip of some hairy monkey sex.
Okay, this is properly weird now.
Oh, my God, what's it doing?
It's called oral sex.
This is wild. Literally.
An hour later, thank
God, that's it, I'm done.
I don't even know how to feel anymore.
- So there she is. How was it?
- Do I look traumatised?
Not at all. Did you
find it traumatising?
No. Maybe.
But what the F does this all mean
when it comes to sexual orientation?
What did you see?
We could clearly see that your body
automatically reacted
to a sexual stimulus.
So the moment there
was something sexual,
you had this automatic
genital arousal response,
because your body, your brain,
recognises this as sexual,
you've learned this is
sexual, so you react.
So it sounds like my genitals
find everything, human and animal, sexy.
But is this to be expected?
Your response actually matched
with what we saw in previous research,
that the genital
arousal response of women
is rather non specific.
It kind of shows that for women
it's sexual activity that matters.
It says nothing about your
sexual orientation or identity.
'Cause matters of the genitals
are not matters of the heart.
So sometimes women who don't
identify as being lesbian,
they get turned on by the women,
and it's like, "Oh,
my God, is this ?"
They get confused.
But it's just this diversity of
Yeah, women get aroused
by different stimuli.
Phew, so this isn't some
secret lust for monkeys.
It's a primal bodily
response to sexual stuff,
one shared by females.
But what was my mind
saying about all of this?
Your reactive sexual
arousal clearly differed
depending on the type of
porn you were watching.
And what we saw in your pattern,
it seems that, especially
the lesbian porn in specific,
really turned you on in
terms of reactive arousal.
Does it match your sexual orientation?
- For sure.
- Do you feel attracted to women?
So generally I think women are
my preferred gender, I suppose.
How you feel, the mental component,
we see that in women,
it's more specific,
that what really turns you on
is kind of a little bit more
tied to what you also prefer.
My mind is much more in sync
with my own sexual orientation.
For males, though,
it's a different story.
Their bodies react only to the
stuff that turns on their minds.
Men actually only respond to stimuli
that match their sexual orientation,
but in women there's much more fluidity
and erotic plasticity, as we call it.
Women's sexuality can
change throughout life,
and they're much more diverse.
So both our bodies and minds
feed into this thing we
call sexual orientation.
And women are more fluid
and varied than men.
But, crucially, none of it is a choice.
I think it's also asking
yourself, or thinking,
"However you're feeling is not natural."
But it is natural
because it's happening.
That's always what I would think,
growing up with a lot of shame,
is thinking, "This isn't
normal. this isn't human."
- But it's, like, it is.
- Yeah. I mean
Yeah, that's the sticky bit, the shame.
The pressure from society and
the world around me growing up
doesn't have the slightest impact
on our innate sexual orientation,
but it sure does affect how you
feel about your sexual identity.
I wrestled with that today.
It did bring up little silly
feelings of self-identifying
and, like, guilt or shame,
and that kind of stuff.
And it kind of also made me
silence myself in that way
because I'm, like, so bored
of that kind of self-projection
and, like, self battery.
The more I tried to deny the fact
that I was in any way homosexual,
the more I hated myself.
What you also try to deny
then kind of rears its head even more.
The thing is, you could
say my sexuality is natural.
I can say, "I'm born
this way. Accept it."
But the truth is I can still
feel the stigma and the shame.
And I know there are
many people out there
who have grown up in far more
difficult circumstances than me.
I want to meet people who have lived
through societal shame and
rejection, and fought back
so I can understand how
to be more self-accepting.
Sound check.
My name is The Darvish,
and I am a Syrian performance artist,
an event organiser,
community changer and an
LGBTQIA+ rights advocate.
And I consider myself a force of nature.
- Hello.
- Hello, my love.
- My man, indeed.
- Hi, my love. Oh, my goodness.
- How are you, my man?
- Pleasure meeting you.
We're now entering the club.
We need to create some magic.
The Darvish is from Syria,
where same sex relationships
are still illegal.
- Whoo, honey.
- Honey.
We need a little bit of
techno, and that's it basically.
It's literally all you need.
I realised when I'm queer
probably in the age of 14.
Up and straight and you
drop it. One and two.
And then the journey started
of me immediately realising
that this is a taboo in the
country that I am in right now,
and that it is dangerous
for me to, you know, own it.
So, yeah, started living, um
more carefully and
cautiously, but gracefully.
And, yella, yeah. Use the hands, okay.
She's getting it. Okay.
When ISIS overtook parts of Syria,
The Darvish had to make a choice.
The war got really serious.
Persecutions and executions
and stuff like that.
That's where it really hit us
we cannot be visible at all.
The decision over me leaving
Syria, that was the hardest thing.
Choosing my life.
And
Yeah.
One second.
I focused on imagining
how my life would be.
You don't have to live a double life.
You don't have to pretend
anymore. You don't have to act.
You can be you. Free.
The Darvish has now been
safe in Berlin for six years.
Your mum, she understood,
though, you leaving, or not?
Well, she didn't want to.
She didn't want to understand.
It was very hard for
her, for me to leave,
but I think I made my point very clear
that if I stay, there is
no future for me, you know?
- It got too dark.
- Yeah.
Right? I don't like it.
Oh, no. I thought you meant life.
I said, "Yes."
I disagree, honey.
I actually have a
little something for you.
This is for you. This
is a little dervish.
- Yeah, whirling dervish!
- Yes.
So, this is to say that you
mean a lot to the community
and we really appreciate you,
and thank you so much
for being with us tonight.
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you.
I am a whirling dervish.
- Perfect, I'm happy you like it.
- Oh, that's so cute!
Tonight The Darvish will be performing
with their collective called
Queens Against Borders,
working for the Trans and
Queer Refugee Community.
Hello!
Okay. Thank you so much everyone
for being here with
us at this fundraiser.
We're very glad that you're here.
Welcome to the stage, Dornika
and her bad bitch Tram.
Yes.
Whoo!
I think finding and building a
community anywhere in the world,
whatever community
it is, is super vital.
The community that I have built
brought to me everything
that I could ever imagine,
which is me being me.
Yeah!
Please, put your hands together
for the gorgeous, the
stunning, the beautiful,
the one and only, The Darvish!
I never really had any
interest of politics,
but being the person I am is a
political statement by itself.
I am a walking politician, let's say.
I choose my dance and my
passion and my performances
to say something.
I am trying my best to
have the visibility here
in order later to mobilise
it there, in Syria.
I'm beginning to understand
what I've been missing
by not being more
active like The Darvish.
They've unlearned the shame and
surrounded themselves with love.
It's given me so much to think about.
I don't really go to gay
bars. I don't really know
I mean, I'm a shit gay person.
Also because I think that
comes from a deep line
of like not really wanting
to be gay that much.
But like I do, it's just with
every story there's been
It's been plagued with some sort
of, some element of heartbreak,
but then some massive
amount of joy, you know.
And that's the magic of queer people.
I mean, it's an amazing gift
and a curse in so many ways.
It's a double edged sword.
But that's what I always
leave feeling, is joy,
which is that's the
rainbow, that's the community.
Today, across the world,
there are trailblazing countries
where marginalised LGBTQ+ folk
can find that community and that joy.
And South Africa is a known
haven for queer refugees.
One of the first countries to
legalise same sex marriages,
and the only one in Africa.
There are LGBTQ+ church groups
To find an LGBT ministry
within South Africa,
it just makes everything better.
and queer festivals
I actually love it because I
can be whoever that I feel like.
Well, I'm a homosexual, very gay,
over the top, extremely flamboyant.
Spaces like this are
definitely important
because I don't know, I
just feel so much more need.
We wanna get married
and just settle down
and just live a beautiful life.
And have furry babies, 'cause
I don't want actual ones.
I mean, come on, why wouldn't you want
to be a part of this
big old queer family
when it looks like so much fun?
Yet, it's no wonder so
many of us LGBTQ+ folks
still feel shamed,
given that even in
so-called liberal countries,
there are laws being
tabled against queer people.
Don't say "gay," right?
Which is why we need
events like Dinah Shore,
not just to party, but as a refuge.
I'm back with my new
friends, Kimber and Lilly.
I wish I could go back to
myself, back when I was younger,
and just kind of
figuring out my sexuality,
and I wish I could show
myself what my life is today.
I grew up in Tennessee,
in a very conservative
family, very religious,
and being gay was just, like,
absolutely not acceptable.
Here I am all these years later,
and I have an unbelievable
queer community around me.
It's just so important
to not feel alone,
and I feel like a lot of
queer people feel alone.
And you're not gonna feel alone here.
Where we live, there's
not very many places
- It's better now.
- They're starting to accept it,
but you still get a little
bit of a look here and there.
Like, do you walk down
the street holding hands?
Probably not.
It's amazing for me,
especially, like, I didn't
come out until later in life.
- So
- I'm an old lesbian.
So, yeah, for me, like, it's, um
It just feels like very
less, I don't know, stressful.
Like, I don't feel like
I need to hold back.
I'm just I'm pretty
much me everywhere,
but here it's just a little extra.
- Like, just total.
- It's emotional.
Yeah.
Yeah.
She's having a good time.
That's all that matters. Sorry.
It's incredible to be
free just for a few hours.
It feels like a weight has been lifted.
- Hey, Cara!
- Yes?
Welcome to Palm Springs!
Thank you!
Yeah!
We love lesbians!
I now have gay friends.
- What have you learnt?
- So, wait, I'm confused.
Okay, pass me back that. I need it.
Okay, so what have I
learnt about myself?
I love being queer.
You know, this, like,
internalised homophobia
or this repressed, you
know, whatever, um
Yeah, I don't know why I said
that. Being here, I don't know why.
It's something that I put on myself,
not generally to other people.
It's about myself.
But then this experience has really
I've felt like I've made
friends with that in myself.
I think that's what I've learnt,
which is a whole roundabout
way of saying, um
I shouldn't be shameful, I suppose.
So I guess that's my story over, right?
My own journey of
self-acceptance done and dusted
thanks to the amazing
queer people I've met
and the wet and wild
world of Dinah Shore.
Well, not quite.
The thing is LGBTQ+ festivals
are kind of a closed
world, a cosy safe refuge.
It's time to stop hiding
and do what I said at the
start that I've never done.
It's time to go out there and
be visible in a city I love.
Yes, at last, I'm gonna
go to fricking Pride!
I want that outfit. You look amazing.
Look at those models' faces.
The fame.
Do you mind if I interview you?
I'd love to interview you as well.
- I can do that.
- Okay, good.
I've never been to Pride before,
so this is my first Pride.
I've been out for a while, but yeah.
- Happy Pride.
- Happy Pride!
Tell me a bit about your
experience as drag queens.
How old you were when ?
- But we're still only 15.
- Yeah, exactly.
- Me too.
- I'm 12.
- I'm 12.
- No, you aren't.
When did you come out?
26, 27. Don't ask me how old I am.
I wouldn't ask a lady
that. Yeah, I know.
- The last ten years, changing a lot.
- It's changing a lot.
But now marriage, family,
kids. It's wonderful.
Yeah. It's possible.
It's always that one month of
Pride or Pride Week or Pride,
but I think we need
to be proud every day.
- But thank you so much.
- And thanks for spreading the word.
It's a really big deal.
It's a duty, I feel. I
haven't done it until now.
- Happy Pride!
- Happy Pride!
It's emotional for me a little bit,
'cause I think when you're queer
and you spend so much time
being quiet and being silenced,
Pride allows a space for
people to come and feel safe.
The rainbow's a perfect example
of showing their true colours,
showing who they really
are, being able to be loud.
Oh, my God!
Pride has now been running
for more than 50 years.
Since the first one in New York in 1970,
there are dozens of Pride events
around the world every year.
Here, the weather might be gloomy,
but there are rainbows galore,
and I've just seen a familiar face.
- Hello, again!
- Hi! Oh, my gosh!
- Sorry. How are you?
- Hi.
This is amazing, yeah.
Yesterday I saw two men holding hands
for the first time in my life, and
Anybody who sees them will
be like, "Oh, this is "
- This is normal. Not weird.
- Yeah.
What Pride has taught me is,
in so many places in the world,
you can find LGBTQ+ community.
Many of us have been
on similar journeys.
Some individuals can make a difference.
I've met them, and they've inspired me
to say goodbye to that
shame once and for all.
I feel so much more comfortable,
and I feel very proud.
I mean, not just because it was Pride.
It's not like it's changed me.
It's not like I've discovered
new elements of myself.
It's just me being able to
be myself in these situations.
It's just been a real revelation.
I just want to keep being
in this Planet Sex mode.
Meeting people from around the world,
connecting, listening
to people's stories,
trying to imagine their
situation, trying to understand,
and through that,
understand more about myself,
and hopefully ignite or inspire others
to have similar conversations.
I've just never done
anything so personal.
It makes me realise what's important
and how much more active I want to be
in terms of trying to make
some sort of small difference.
Any difference is still
better than nothing.
Okay. No, I'm sad. Is it over?
It's never over. Pride's never
over. Here's to coming out.
It's a really beautiful experience,
and I'm so thankful for it.
Don't, I'll get fucking
emotional. I hate emotions.
What do you want? Just say can't.
Yes.