Porn and Ice Cream (2022) s01e02 Episode Script

1
Welcome to the world of music.
-Wow.
-Instruments.
Pick whatever you want.
You pay because I'm broke.
PORN and ICE CREAM
-That's cool.
-Thanks.
You must have got laid a lot.
A lot.
So? Which one did you like?
-I don't know. Why don't we ask a sales?
-No need. Take the most expensive one.
-Why?
-Why? Because expensive means good.
-But I don't want to spend so much.
-You have the money, Ramón.
That's my entire savings.
Okay, take an average one.
Let's see how that goes.
-Stop treating me like that.
-You stop it.
Invest in yourself, damn it!
This solo is for a girl
who broke my heart
after she had sex with me
many times.
-Pablo?
-Huh?
-Shall we?
-Yeah. I'll take this one.
-The ugliest one?
-He got laid a lot with this one.
A lot.
-Did you check the price tag?
-No.
Oh.
-What did you get?
-A Spanish guitar. You?
A white keyboard.
White?
-You are so delicate.
-You are.
Look here, guys.
-What for?
-The band's Instagram account.
Do we have one?
Of course. We play on Saturday.
We have to use social media.
-Okay.
-We don't have a name.
-Yes, you do. "The Feeble-Minded." Smile.
-What?
-I think that's very offensive.
-No, Ramón. Relax.
People will love it. It's catchy.
But they'll think we are feeble-minded.
Could you not be so literal?
Do you think The Eagles are real eagles?
That Rat Scabies is a rat with scabies?
Dexys Midnight Runners are
actually running at midnight?
The Butthole Surfers? What even are those?
Little surfers in your butthole
playing tiny violins?
Is Little Richard a teeny-tiny guy
with a miniature piano?
The Raincoats? Is it a raincoat
who formed a band of musical raincoats,
and they go on tour?
The Beastie Boys. Are they just boys?
And are they beastie? Really?
-Do you understand what I try to?
-I still think it's offensive.
-Yeah.
-Smile.
There we go.
PRINTING
-Lip sync is always an option.
-We'll have to cancel, Pablo.
I've never cancelled a gig.
-This is your first gig.
-Exactly. I won't cancel it.
Let's watch some tutorials
and learn how to play.
DANGER - DO NOT TRESPASS
Why are you in my room?
We need to talk. You've been avoiding us.
You can't be in here.
Didn't you see the tape?
This is getting serious, Ceci.
Ceci,
if you don't pay by Friday,
you'll have to leave.
And the 17,000 pesos you owe me.
Who's this guy?
-Hi.
-This is my cousin Wilmar from Venezuela.
If you don't pay, he'll get your room.
Listen, Ceci. Let's do this. If you want,
use my car to drive it as an Uber.
That's the first job I had
when I got to the country.
You think I'd ever drive an Uber?
Are you kidding me?
Come on!
Take your old job back or drive an Uber,
but we want the money.
Vir, calm down. Don't tell me what to do.
I was planning
on going to the store. Today.
-Yeah?
-To get a job. I think it's important.
I'll go today.
Later. Go. You can leave.
I'll pay you on Friday.
-Hi there.
-Oh, my! To what do I owe the pleasure?
-Long time no see, my friend!
-Friend?
I thought I was
an "asshole boss with a dry pussy".
Isn't that what she said?
Maru, as nice as always. I also felt bad
about that. We said nasty things.
-No, we didn't. You did.
-Let's not talk about the past.
What's the use?
Let's talk about the present.
How are you guys?
How's the store? How are sales?
You're not here for a job, are you?
Not at all.
I came to say hi to Maru and you.
And I came to shop.
You know where the clearance basket is.
No, Leti.
Something from the new collection.
I'm a band manager now.
We have a big gig this Saturday.
But it's all so expensive.
Yeah, but I've been looking around and
I like that jacket.
We all like that jacket.
It's the most expensive item in the store.
I'll take it.
How to write the perfect song?
Today I want to talk about inspiration,
and about how to write lyrics.
A song is made up by lyrics and music.
The combination of the two
is what makes pop music.
See? It's easy. And you wanted to cancel.
When writing the lyrics, the best thing is
being honest
Being honest.
Of course.
I can write about Home Warehouse.
At Home Warehouse I sell screws
At Home Warehouse I dream I could
That sounds like a jingle, Ramón.
It lacks emotion, drama
I had a great time with you last night
We made love tenderly
I'm such a hot lad
-You're not being honest.
-Why not?
You didn't make love.
It's about a desire. I honestly desire
to experience that. You know what?
Let's see how the great stars did it.
Charly, Spinetta, Charly García
It's not working?
No, it's not.
It got declined four times.
Is the magnetic strip okay?
You know what? I'll set it aside for you.
-Okay.
-I'll write your name.
-Ceci
-Ceci.
-Thanks.
-You deserve it. It'll be waiting for you.
You're so sweet. Bye, Maru.
Yeah.
Driving through the streets of Guanajuato,
The Ramones run over a lady.
This inspired one of their biggest hits,
"Runover Abuelita Came For Revenge".
Stop it, Ramón. I can't watch
any more music documentaries.
It's on auto play.
There's always a new one playing.
NEX
Cancel it! Come on! Cancel it!
I need to go to sleep.
-I have to be at work in three hours.
-Are you crazy, Ramón?
Our first gig is this Saturday.
Call them and say you have chickenpox.
I already had it as a kid.
Say you have the adult version.
-That's not a thing.
-It doesn't matter!
I took it to the mechanic this week.
-Cool.
-The tires are fine.
-There's the phone stand.
-That's cute!
Please, Cecilia,
if you need anything, let me know.
-Sure.
-I'll be showing Wilmar the city.
Hi, Miss Ceci.
Tell that dwarf not to speak to me.
Your license is up to date, right?
-What was that?
-You first customer.
New trip
So cool! Bye, Haroldo!
Remember, you can't smoke!
FIVE DAYS
TO THE GIG
-Hi.
-What have you brought?
Posters of the greatest musicians
in history.
What for?
This place doesn't inspire us.
This will be better. Trust me.
-Okay.
-Which wall?
SOFT CIGARETTES
Get in, please.
I know. Taxi drivers, right?
If they don't protest, who'd listen?
No one.
A manicurist? I am a manicurist. Look.
They forgot to add "veterinarian".
How old is the puppy?
Have some empathy, people are taking it
to the streets to protest.
Lawyer. Engineer. Thank you so much.
Can I give you a candy?
I don't have 80 pesos.
RESTROOM
ONLY FOR COSTUMERS
-Your coffee.
-Thank you.
Now we're talking.
-Who's that?
-Simon. He's big in the music industry.
-It's getting late. See you tomorrow.
-Sure.
FOUR DAYS
We could talk about what to wear.
-I think writing songs is more important.
-The image is very important, too.
Okay.
New trip
Okay, I should go.
-Wait, Pablo, we have to write a song.
-I know, man! But it's too hard!
-Let's cancel, then!
-No! We won't cancel. Ceci would get mad.
-She scares me.
-Yeah, me too. Let's think.
According to the documentaries,
what did musicians do?
-They did drugs.
-Let's do drugs, then.
Where can we get drugs?
So, my favorite boy is back!
How do you do, Graciela?
We came to buy drugs.
Drugs?
He sells drugs.
Thanks.
Hi, sir.
We wanted to buy some drugs.
Drugs? Sure, I'll sell you some.
How much?
Enough for two.
-I'm not hallucinating.
-Me neither.
This sucks.
-Maybe we need more drugs.
-Sure.
THREE DAYS
I love you so much.
Me too.
Look at this baby.
This guy's crazy, man!
"OXFORD" BAR
SNACKS 24 HOURS
-You scared me!
-You're not an Uber driver, are you?
It's illegal.
No, this is a private car.
I can tell when it's an Uber.
Because you see two people acting awkward?
The cell phone stand.
Oh, no. I use that
to watch the game as I drive.
What's your team?
-Boca.
-Who's Boca's number nine?
I don't know. I just like the penalties.
We're watching you.
-I need some more.
-We're out.
What do you mean?
TWO DAYS
Sorry?
Nothing.
What time is it?
It's 2:00 p.m.
I have priority!
I work, and this guy asks
for coins. Do I beg for coins?
For God's sake, fucking slackers.
Go get a job!
ONE DAY
-How's it going?
-What's up?
-Should we cancel?
-Yeah.
Let me see the sleeve. The sleeve.
Yes. You can fold it. There.
Ceci?
-Leti.
-Ceci, you never came back.
-I was busy.
-Are you an Uber driver?
No. Does this look like an Uber?
-Haroldo?
-Sorry?
-Haroldo.
-Can't you see I'm a woman?
-It's the same licence plate.
-Get lost.
-Okay.
-I came for the jacket.
Well, last time
your card was declined four times.
I have cash.
There's a grocery store
where you can shop.
-It's open 24/7.
-Cool.
This area is always quiet.
Can you get a cab here?
INCESTUOUS
Excuse me. Do you know where the owner is?
Look! There's Nacho.
He's a champ.
It's a piece of cake. Look.
What's your name?
-The music is too loud.
-Sure.
No, he's a genius!
-That guy is out of this world.
-Why don't you go talk to someone?
-What?
-Go talk to a girl.
-No, I'm too shy.
-Don't be a wuss. Go.
-Talk to that one.
-No.
-Yeah, go talk to her.
-But
Go.
Ramón!
I don't feel good!
I don't
It hurts!
Pablo! What's going on?
-What is it?
-Bad
-It hurts so bad.
-Calm down.
We are almost there.
Relax.
I'm good.
-Are you sure?
-Yeah, I feel good now.
-But you just
-Dude!
I'm okay. You should be happy.
-Hey! What's up, guys?
-Cool.
We are having a great time.
Scoring with the ladies.
I made out with like seven chicks already.
One, another
What's your problem, man?
Talking about women
as if they were trophies. Objects?
No, not at all. I talked to all of them.
Had a connection.
If a girl kisses seven men, she's a slut.
But if a man does it, he's a hero?
-No, I don't think I'm a hero. Not at all.
-Move, dumbface.
Don't you wanna talk to some girls?
No, Ramón. Can't you tell I'm a loser?
I can't talk to girls.
-It's not a big deal.
-All my life, I never talked to girls.
-It's such an old dynamic.
-I'd be like you if I were a man.
-It's so hard for me.
-Talking to someone you don't know sucks.
-It's too aggressive.
-Look! There's Sandro.
-What's up, Sandro?
-When I'm bored, I draw.
Where can I find the owner?
Where the fuck is the owner?
-I wanted to talk to you about tomorrow.
-What's wrong?
-Yeah, about that.
-We want to cancel.
No
You crack me up, Ramón.
We want an advance in the payment.
You'll get 30 %
of the money made tomorrow.
So we won't know until after you play.
Right. Sure.
That's the way I do it in my gigs.
Exactly. Look what I made for you guys.
-I look horrible.
-I love it.
It's so liberating for a guy to cry.
Because it's like forbidden.
I could never cry in front of a girl.
Excuse me. Why the drama?
-The guy had a break down.
-He's upset.
What number are they?
All the girls you made out with tonight.
Before you said seven. So 8th and 9th?
I don't understand.
Be careful, girls. He's making a list
of all the girls he made out with.
-We are just talking.
-Do you think we'd make out with him?
-We'll see.
-We're not interested in him sexually.
We felt sorry for him.
He was crying because he's ugly.
-Can't we talk to an ugly dude?
-No need to be so hurtful.
-It was pathetic. He was crying.
-Do you think we need defending?
Okay.
I'm number eight. There.
Pablo, stop staring.
You make me very uncomfortable.
-We had quite a kiss.
-Gross, dude.
What are we going to do tomorrow?
We'll say it's experimental music,
and that's it.
-What are you talking about?
-She wouldn't let me cancel.
-What?
-We made a commitment. It's about honor.
She owes money to her roommates.
-Yeah, that too.
-No, Ceci.
-We went there to cancel. How could you?
-We can't play in public.
Listen, guys. I did this for you.
You may not know how to play. Fine.
It doesn't matter.
You may not be nice to look at.
But the world has to know who you are.
Not everybody plays at Incestuous.
It's a great opportunity, really.
You have something, and I want the world
to see that too. You have
that je ne sais pas.
Trust me.
-You're so pretty when you talk like that.
-Enough, Pablo.
Sorry.
THE DAY OF THE GIG
Ceci.
-Yesterday was Friday.
-Vir, you beat me to it.
-We agreed you'd pay us yesterday.
-Yes, but I was confused about my payday.
-Who's paying you?
-My band plays at Incestuous.
You should come.
I put you guys on the VIP list.
-A band? A concert. That's fun.
-Super fun.
I get paid and I'll pay you.
-Okay.
-Cool.
See you there. Bye.
Are you nervous?
-No.
-I'm proud of you.
-Thanks, Dad.
-I admire you, brother. You're brave.
Thanks, Santi.
Getting on stage in front of a crowd
without knowing how to play. That's brave.
It's not a big deal.
Do you know what it must feel like
to be standing there
with the people waiting for you
to make some music?
Yeah, I can imagine.
Too bad I'm on house arrest.
I'll miss your first gig.
Relax, mom. I'll go live on Instagram
so you and my 870K followers can watch it.
-You're such a sweetheart.
-Let's make a toast. To Pablo.
-To Pablo.
-To my brother.
INCESTUOUS
Come here. Who are you picking up?
I came to Incestuous.
What a coincidence.
A place full of kids who call for an Uber.
-My band plays tonight. I'm a manager.
-A band? I'd like to see it.
-The band?
-Yeah.
Come. For free.
It's called The Feeble-Minded.
-You better have a real band.
-I do. Come.
Hi, my name is Luca and I'll play
a song I wrote called "Fine".
Fine, all right
Now I'm not having such a bad time
That's right
This is why I have just smiled
But I never want to be the good guy
Or the misunderstood one
That's why it's better
To stay silent and speak no more
It's better to speak no more
Fine, all right
-He's very good.
-He's awesome.
Pablo, are you okay?
-This is crazy.
-We should have cancelled.
-Guys, relax. It's gonna be fine.
-I thing I'm going blind.
Pablo, calm down.
That was Luca Marchesi.
Now, please welcome our next band
-Let's go.
-The Feeble-Minded!
Pablo?
-Where's Pablo?
-Running away.
Okay, The Feeble-Minded!
Run, Ramón! Run, you idiot!