Primos (2024) s01e02 Episode Script

1
(OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
- (CAT SNARLING)
- (DOGS BARKING)
(SINGING) Hey! Another day
in my old hood
Summer's starting
and it's gonna be so good
Hey, oh, hey!
I was gonna be so cool
Then you all moved in
And got me looking like a fool, again
CHORUS: Oye, Primos
Why you all up in my face?
CHORUS: Oye, Primos
Get up out my space
CHORUS: Oye, Primos
You're wearing out my brain
You're driving me insane
Not the roll call again
Cousin Bud, Nacho and Lita
Tere, Tabi and Toñita
Scooter, Lotlot and Gordita
Nachito, ChaCha and Lucita
- ALL: Yay
- TATER: No, come on
CHORUS: Oye, Primos
(GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION)
TATER: "Summer of" I can't say that.
BUELA: Psst. "Quehaceres," sweetie.
TATER: Through the years,
women have carved
their names in history,
one legend at a time.
Each woman had a vision,
and to plan her vision,
each woman had a vision board,
Probably. You know,
a sweet collage of inspiration
to fuel their goals and dreams!
And, diary, I have
so many dreams for the Summer of Tater.
My vision board is going to be
(READING)
(STOMACH GROWLS)
Yup, a vision board.
Right after breakfast!
(ALL CHOMPING)
Tia Bibi spins the huevos rancheros.
She eyes Lita's plato.
She shoots and
Goal!
(ALL CHEERING)
(CHEERING CONTINUES)
Dang! Mom looks happy
this morning.
(GASPS)
Fancy cereal!
We never get this!
(SIGHS) Ah, fancy cereal
for the guests.
Yep, plenty of gruel, though.
(GROANS)
- LUCITA: Thanks, Tia!
- NACHITO: What're we doin' today?
Welp, I'm off to visionize! See ya.
Huddle up, Team Humphrey!
With the primos here,
we all have to step up to be good hosts.
Good hosts?
Yes, sweetie!
Clean up after our guests,
keep them entertained,
and make sure they're comfy!
- (YELPS)
- Too bad you didn't visionize this.
But we didn't invite them over!
Yo se, hija.
I invited them! And that's why
we're going to split the duties.
I'll handle all the entertainment,
and you girls can start
by washing the dishes.
Helpful Humphreys
keep guests clean and comfy!
Are we married to that motto?
Why can't we do the entertainment?
Because I already
have it planned, hijitas!
There's gonna be all sorts of fun stuff!
Now who's on dish duty?
I volunteer to fold socks!
Here. Good teams need
good communication.
I guess this is kinda fun.
Helpful Humphreys
keep guests clean and comfy!
If you're lookin' for comfy
Look no further than Humphrey!
- (BABBLES)
- What's that, Baby Bud?
You wanna help your big sis?
(BABY BUD GURGLING)
(CHUCKLES)
(GIGGLES)
Huh. These name-brand boxes
are so sturdy.
You'll make a great base
for my vision board!
Off to my lair!
Whoa!
(YELPS)
Done already? Great.
I need you to pick up
the mess in the hallway.
I'd ask Nellie to do it,
pero la pobre,
she's swamped with laundry duty!
Yeah, I'm sure she is.
I'm so proud of both of my girls
for being such Helpful Humphreys!
I'm off to arts and crafts!
Happy little trees!
- Oh, Nellie
- (GIGGLING)
(SHRIEKS)
(NELLIE SLURPING)
Does this look like navy
or deep cerulean?
- (DOOR OPENS)
- I knew it!
You're fake working!
Me? I'm just doing my duty.
And kinda getting into it!
Looks like you have to enjoy
those chores all by yourself.
Well, "socks" to be you!
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
BIBI: Hay que limpiar
Hay que limpiar Clean it all up
Mom!
TATER: Here's a song for you
if you hate to do chores
Everybody knows they're a bore
But the primos stay
messin' up the hallway
Then Mama comes
asking for favores like
Hay que limpiar, Hay que limpiar
Clean it all up
Ugh! Mom!
Don't you know
I've got a life to live?
And don't you know
I've given all I got to give and
Mom, please you're killing me
Sing along if you agree
chores stink
CHORUS: Hay que limpiar, hay que limpiar
Clean it all up!
All I got to say is
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
CHORUS: Hay que limpiar, hay que limpiar
Clean it all up!
Every single day like
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
CHORUS: Hay que limpiar, hay que limpiar
Clean it all up!
Everybody in the place make
sounds with your mouth
If you hate cleaning house
but your mom insists you must
CHORUS: Clean it all up!
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
Okay. (SIGHS) Finally done.
Now I can get
back to my vision board.
- BIBI: Double, double toil and trouble!
- Huh?
Fire burn and cauldron bubble!
Out, you darn spot.
And that concludes Act five!
(ALL CHEERING)
- That was fanatic.
- I did not see that coming.
Oh, Tater, ay ¡que bueno!
I have a big favor to ask.
(GRUNTS) Yes?
Well, since you've been
so helpful I think (STAMMERS)
(IMITATING LADY SOCK-BETH)
I mean, Lady Sock thinks that
you can handle
the toughest chore yet, ¡el bano!
The closet?
No, hija,
(DISTORTED) the bathroom!
(YELLS) The bathroom?
Mom, I've been
looking everywhere for that sock!
(WHIMPERING)
Tater, porfis.
You see how swamped Nellie is.
Can I count on you
to be a Helpful Humphrey?
Aw, I need a new Lady Sock-Beth.
(IN PIRATE VOICE)
Fishing for pairs, Fishing for pairs.
(GROANS)
Nellie, we need to talk!
Shh! You'll spook the pairs!
Uh You okay?
Listen, I'm looking
for a great white crew sock.
Like this one?
No, that's a gold toe! (GROANS)
I was just trying to get out of work.
But now,
I just want to seek the white
in the sea of blue.
Gentlemen, it's been an honor.
Guess the bathroom's all on me.
- TABI: Bath bomb! (GIGGLES)
- Toñita: Hi, Tater!
(GASPS)
The T-Sisters and their spa days!
(ALL LAUGHING)
Hahaha! You can't hide!
Wow! I'm glad the primos
get fun Bibi!
Mom wants a Helpful Humphrey.
I'll show her
a Helpful Humphrey!
I'm going to help this Humphrey!
I'll just pretend to work.
That's genius, Tater!
Thanks, Holographic Vision Tiger!
There, nearly done! Pretty, huh?
Why, it's just as pretty
as a picture, Tater!
But it sure is empty.
Well, by the end of
the Summer of Tater,
I will be new
and improved and, um, improved, and
Hmm. Sounds like your vision board
doesn't have much of a vision.
Objection!
TATER: Ugh, a mop?
Save that for Bibi!
I bet filling mom's
vision board would be so easy.
It would be all about cleaning
and being a good host!
BIBI: Hey, being a good host
is important!
I'm cleaning, I'm cleaning!
BIBI: I mean I love hosting,
but, oh, Bud,
I'm not sure I can keep going!
No, no, no, no, guerito,
I'm just so exhausted.
I already went through
all my ideas for entertainment!
Si, even Lady Sock-Beth!
- (THUDS)
- (BIBI SOBS)
But she had
the longest list ever! Didn't she?
I was so excited to have
all of the primos here for the summer,
but it's a lot of work
para una persona.
If it wasn't for Tater's help,
I don't know what I'd do.
I guess Mom does need my help.
I could try to clean up a little
- (BANGING ON DOOR)
- BIG NACHO: Open up, it's an emergency!
Uh, hang on!
BIG NACHO: Por fa! I gotta go!
But I'm cleaning!
I'll help clean later!
But you gotta let me in now,
or there will be an even
bigger mess to clean!
Ugh, TMI. Fine, come in.
(DOOR SLAMS)
(RUMBLING)
Phew!
Oh, no, no, no!
(BELLS CHIMING)
Wait. You actually cleaned?
Sure, it's no big for Big Nacho!
These corner spots could
probably use some of my famous musculo.
Hey, I wanna clean tambien!
Aw, you're such a copycat, hermanito.
But hop on!
So, you don't mind cleaning?
Hey! We were raised right!
¡Claro! We're good guests!
Good guests, huh?
It's time for everyone to be
a Helpful Humphrey.
So what I'm asking is, uh,
how good of a guest can you be?
Oh, we always get a five-star
guest rating everywhere we go!
Well, then, you can get
a five-star guest rating
at Casa Humphrey, too.
ALL: Ooh!
COUSIN BUD: I made
this cleaner myself.
It's all natural.
Thanks, Cousin Bud.
That's a spooky
good job. (CHUCKLES)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
Perfect form!
Cleared for takeoff.
(BANGS)
Nice!
Stick around! (GRUNTS)
BOTH: Yay! (GIGGLING)
(CHUCKLING)
Hija, is the blindfold
really necessary?
No, it isn't.
(CLEARS THROAT)
And now, I present to you
(GASPS)
the Helpful Humphreys
Chore Chart
Now with 100% more primos!
(CRYING)
Not the reaction I was expecting.
No, no, no, no, this is great, Tater.
(CRYING LOUDER)
I am just so happy!
This is such a clever idea.
You really stepped up
for me today!
Well, honestly, I just wanted
more time to focus
on my vision board.
Wait, you were trying to make
a vision board today?
Yup. Speaking of which,
do we have any more
old cereal boxes?
No, Tater.
Your vision board deserves supplies
that are as special as you!
In fact, I've been
saving something for you.
Wow, Ma, you're giving me
your fancy art box?
It's your fancy art box now, Tater.
And maybe this board's big enough
for all your hopes and dreams!
Bravissima!
Thanks, Mom!
But, you know, it wasn't all me.
Everyone's helping now!
(SCREAMS) Hey, primos!
New chores are up!
- ALL: Whoo! Yeah!
- BIG NACHO: Musculo time!
Hey, where's Nellie's name?
Actually, where's Nellie?
Phew. What a day!
Glad to be home for some
peace, quiet, and sanity.
- (DOOR RUMBLES)
- Avast, ye landlubber!
(TRUCK STARTING)
Whoo-hoo-hoo! Arr! I've gotcha!
(TATER READING)
TATER: Tater log. Day five.
Another endless barrage of noise,
smells, toenail clippings and
(FART RESONATES)
Ugh. Bodily functions.
Diary, my beloved,
I fear I won't last much
longer in the midst of this
Primo pandemonium!
(COUSINS LAUGHING)
COUSIN BUD:
Little plant babies.
(COUSINS LAUGHING)
(CRASHING)
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
(YELLS)
TABI: Hey! Who moved my conditioner?
BIG NACHO: Come on. Totally.
Nowhere is safe.
How is a cute little dreamer gonna dream
when she can't catch a gosh darn wink?
(SCREAMING) It says "Do not Disturb"!
Ooh.
Hi, Buela.
Hi. (SPEAKING SPANISH)
Like you got the mal de ojo on you.
Mal de whatso?
The evil eye. A curse.
Buela, I don't believe
in curses anymore.
I'm on the path to my final form.
Childhood superstitions
are not becoming
of a wise logical woman
of advanced years.
(LAUGHS) Aren't you nine?
Exagerada.
That's basically a decade.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Grey hairs.
Ow! Knock it off.
(GROANS)
I just need some peace and quiet.
(THUDDING)
(COUSINS SCREAMING)
(GRUNTS) Tengo dolor de cabeza
with all this racket.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
- (CRASHING)
- (COUSINS SCREAMING)
GORDITA: Unfortunate.
Hiss!
(COUSINS SCREAMING)
(WHIMPERS) It's over.
So quiet.
- Are these things on?
- (CLINKING)
Hey, Lotlot,
where'd everyone go?
No one wanted to join my tea party.
Guess it'll just be me and Dolly.
Dolly?
(CHITTERS)
(SCREAMS)
I mean, uh, what's her name?
I just told you. It's Dolly.
It's right there on her tombstone.
EERIE VOICE: Dolly!
Everyone leaves me alone
when I bring her out to play.
Is that so?
ALL: Tater, play with us.
Back, primos!
(SCREAMING)
Me and Dolly, I guess
we're kind of a lot-lot. (CHUCKLES)
I wanna play with Dolly!
But me and Dolly
were having quality time.
Quality time.
You know, my mom told me
that this summer is all about
getting quality time with the primos.
And it's true for you too, Lotlot.
Why don't you
spend some "QT" with those cuties?
You never know what you'll learn
about yourself, or something like that.
And I can watch Dolly for you.
Eh? Nyeh?
Okay. You can watch Dolly.
- Yes!
- But there are rules.
Dolly hates being alone, so you have to
keep her near you at all times.
Easy, we'll be (CHUCKLING)
so inseparable.
You also have to
brush her hair exactly 100 times a night
or the spiders will come out.
Lastly, never, ever
let Dolly lay down on her side.
Why?
It reminds her of the time
she was buried alive. (ECHOES)
(GASPS)
Do you understand the rules?
Y-y-yes, totally.
Now, go be the social butterfly
I see under that crusty chrysalis.
Go fly, Lotlot, fly!
We're gonna do great things
together, Dolly-o.
(TATER READING)
(BLOWS RASPBERRY AND CHUCKLES)
Oh, Dolly, you jokesie little,
uh, jokester.
(GRUNTING) Aqui estas.
We got some new hairdos
to try on you, Tateroo.
Can you do one
for Dolly, too?
(ALL GASPING)
(CHUCKLES) Up top.
(GAGS) Why? (GROANS)
Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go.
DOLLY: Occupied.
(YELPS) Never mind, man.
The backyard is
nature's toilet. (GROANS)
Tater time, and it feels so good!
(GASPS) Refreshed, unburdened.
You've earned it, my friend.
(GROANS)
(ALL LAUGHING)
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
TATER: Here's Dolly!
(ALL SCREAMING)
(SIGHS) The sweet sound
of silence and solitude,
all thanks to you.
(CHUCKLES) You're a total doll.
Now, stand guard while
I sketch up some fan art of future me.
Oh, that's good.
But it needs some more glitter
on the robot arm though.
Oh, my apologies, Dolly!
Wait, weren't you
over there? How'd you
Tater, you've got the
mal de ojo on you.
Ojo, ojo, ojo.
¡Tonta! Ojo means eye.
Eye? (GASPS)
DOLLY: (WHISPERING) I see you.
(SCREAMS) I mean, uh,
maybe I'm too old for dolls.
You know, as a wise logical
woman of advanced years.
Now, back to the robot arm.
DOLLY: Let me out.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
Just the wind.
DOLLY: Let me out!
Oh, gosh, it's real drafty in here.
I don't wanna get sick. So, bye, Dolly!
Hello, family.
(CHUCKLING) What fine cinema
are we enjoying tonight?
Gordita broke the TV again.
I merely borrowed
some wires it didn't need.
Come on!
(ALL GROANING)
(DOLLY LAUGHS)
(SCREAMING)
Did you see Dolly?
She was there.
If this is a prank, it isn't funny.
You know I love me a good prank,
but I ain't going
near that doll. No offense.
I'm flattered. Tater, if you're scared,
I could take her back
I'm not scared of her.
Or her ojo curses.
Just remember to brush her hair,
keep her upright
and in your sight,
and you'll be fine.
Uh, in my sight?
(SHUDDERING) I, uh, forgot something.
If that doll's stayin' up
in your room,
then we're all gonna
sleep downstairs!
Not scary at all!
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
(GROANS)
(SCREAMS)
58, 59, 60.
(ALL SNORING)
(GASPS AND GROANS)
(DOLLY LAUGHING)
How do I stop it?
(SHUDDERING)
Buela! You were right,
it's the ojo thing.
Help me!
I've been preparing
for this moment toda mi vida. Esperate.
(CLUCKS)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
I have no idea
what you're saying, but I like it.
(SNORES)
Ugh. Bapu rub? Really?
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
It works for everything.
(CHICKEN CLUCKS)
Is this really going to save me?
Shh-shh. Trust me.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
It's part of the process.
BOTH: Run!
Well, that's not part of the process.
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(DOLLY LAUGHING)
That muneca is ruining my limpia.
Time to bring out the big guns!
(SCREAMING)
Sage, the biggest gun of them all!
Mal de ojo, turn away
from my granddaughter!
- Hmm?
- (LOTLOT COUGHS)
TATER: Lotlot?
(COUGHS) Dang, Buela,
you're a boss.
Dang right.
Lotlot, I thought
you were asleep.
Wait a second.
Have you been behind
all this spooky stuff?
Don't lie,
I can read body language.
No, yeah, it was totally me.
Well, what about
Dolly's awful laughter?
(DOLLY LAUGHS)
Told you to never tilt her.
Her voice box is kinda wonky.
So, she's not haunted?
I wish, but no. She had help.
Let me out!
You're earning your flies tonight, boys.
(BOTH SCREAMING)
(LAUGHING)
You put a hole in my table?
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
Giving me a heart attack!
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(GROANS) I need some ice cream.
Yeah, what she said!
Lotlot, why did you do all that?
I was just doing what you suggested.
Getting to know
my primos through some quality time.
And I thought I'd start with you.
There are a million
better ways to get to know someone!
Scaring is my love language.
Oh, what about giving gifts?
Words of affirmation?
Not really my style.
- (SIGHS)
- But I think you are.
My style, I mean.
Mmm. Because I'm so easy to scare?
No. I mean, yeah.
But it's more like,
you understand
how nice it is to be
quiet and alone sometimes.
Maybe we could be alone together?
Alone together.
Do you wanna have that tea party?
I'm kind of hungry.
I'll get the gore-d'oeuvres.
(CHUCKLES)
The what now?
TATER: (SIGHS) Eh,
I wasn't that scared.
But the one thing that really
spooked me was the TV stunt.
(CHEWING) How'd you do that?
I didn't do anything with the TV.
(SWALLOWS) Some things in life
I'm never gonna understand, am I?
It's more fun that way.
Tea?
Oh, good, this looks normal.
Blood orange. Extra blood.
(SIPS AND SMACKS LIPS)
Huh, not bad. (SIPS)
Ah. (SPEAKING SPANISH)
Maybe you're more of a blessing
than a curse after all, muneca.
(DOLLY SPEAKING SPANISH)
(CLOSING THEME MUSIC PLAYING)