Pushing Daisies s01e02 Episode Script
Dummy
Previously on Pushing Daisies: - Who are you? - You were my first kiss.
You were my first kiss too.
You touch murder victims, you ask who killed them.
Touch them again, they go back to dead.
- You collect the reward? - In a nutshell.
- Are you the business partner? - Yes, ma'am.
- Doesn't she look a lot like that dead girl? - She looks exactly like that dead girl.
Do you touch anything? I tou I touch lots of things.
Does he touch you? I'd kiss you if it wouldn't kill me.
You in love with her? It's that level of stupid.
I kind of killed her dad when I was 10.
She doesn't know.
I thought my world would be a better place if you were in it.
Is there anything else I should know? No.
At this very moment, in the town of North Thrush Young Ned was 9 years, 33 weeks, He stood on the exact spot where, four weeks and two days previously his father had deposited him at the Longborough School for Boys.
As Young Ned's mother had died recently there was reassuring physical contact and parting words.
"I'll be back.
" He lied.
The sadness and dread which the boy felt were not so much a product of the Longborough School.
Young Ned's acute discomfort came from the knowledge that when he touched a dead thing it came back to life.
The other boys assumed his introverted nature was a product of weakness and coddling.
Thinking of revenge, and also not thinking at all Young Ned volunteered to assist with that day's science project.
Young Ned's secret gift was governed by three simple rules: Touch a dead thing once: Alive.
Touch a dead thing again: Dead forever.
Keep a dead thing alive for more than a minute: And something else has to die.
His gift had once again brought him great distress in place of great joy.
He vowed to keep the strange details of his strange life secret from the world forever.
Are you responsible for this? So Young Ned did what his father had done to him only 31 days before.
No.
He lied.
For the next 19 years, 29 weeks and two days keeping secrets worked beautifully.
The boy became the Pie-Maker and the Pie-Maker deceived with ease.
Until Chuck.
This is strange.
Charlotte Charles had been alive for 28 years 24 weeks, 3 days, before she was murdered.
- Is this strange? - This is not strange.
Unusual, maybe.
Eccentric in a quaint way, like dessert spoons.
Revived by the Pie-Maker and given a second chance at life, she had many questions.
I have so many questions, my mind wanders.
Feed it warm milk and a turkey sandwich let it curl up in a sunny spot and take a nap.
- I miss my aunts.
- Of course.
Do you miss them a lot? A little.
- All the time? - Now and then.
As Chuck spoke, she realized her secrets were: "Really a lot," and, "Every minute," in that order.
- How many people have you touched? - People or animals? Crossing.
Digby doesn't count.
No one's been through as much with me as Digby.
How many people have you brought back to life? It's not like I walk around reviving childhood sweethearts willy-nilly.
What about with Emerson, huh? Oh, coming through.
- You touch lots of people with Emerson.
- For work.
Just because you kill them again doesn't make it any different.
Yes, it does.
Coming through.
Can we not say "kill"? I touch them they snap back the way they're supposed to be.
Am I the rubber band that broke? You're the only human being I've ever made alive again to stay.
He lied.
In fact, the Pie-Maker had kept one other person alive for longer than a minute.
Using the gift to temporarily revive his own mother the unintended effect on Chuck's father had been more permanent.
The Pie-Maker often asked himself if he would ever be able to tell Chuck this secret.
- Your eye's twitching.
- Is it? This is such a small cheese box.
The aunts who had raised Chuck had taught her to believe that the large white appliance in the kitchen had a fairly narrow purpose.
Aunt Lily, is it okay to freeze Camembert? I'd rather not wedge it between Edam and Paneer.
Or I could air out the Gouda.
In fact, Young Chuck did not refer to a refrigerator as anything but a "cheese box" until she was 17.
As Chuck considered the life she could never go back to Olive Snook considered the changes in her own life.
Foremost, the mysterious brunette encroaching on the man she herself loved.
From her perch, the jealous, yet agile, neighbor was able to confirm only one pleasing detail.
There's a surprising lack of physical contact.
Oh, crap.
One mile to the west Emerson Cod was also not thrilled.
During times of stress or anxiety, he liked to knit.
Since the arrival of the dead girl who was not dead he found the stockinette stitch to be especially relaxing.
Emerson Cod.
But no stitch was a substitute for a good murder case.
Thanks.
Got it.
Meet me at the morgue in 15 minutes.
As he finished purling the row, he wished aloud: She better not come.
Hi, Emerson.
Isn't this exciting? Hey.
What's she doing here? Said she didn't climb out of a coffin for me to keep her in a box.
- She the boss of you? - I'm the boss of me.
- Dead girl's gotta go.
- Dead girl's not going.
You don't know nothing about her except she had soft lips.
- That should be enough.
- Well, I don't like it.
Hey.
- What did you talk about? - I'd like to get out of the car.
He upset you brought your childhood sweetheart back to life? He barely knows you're here.
In fact, Emerson Cod had finished knitting a sweater-vest and two handgun cozies in the week since Chuck's return.
Sweet.
- Do I have to sit in back from now on? - It's for your own safety.
- You sound like my dad.
- Lf my hand brushes yours you'd be dead.
He didn't say that.
It's better if you stay in the car for morgue visits.
Someone might recognize you.
You really can't come in.
Did I say can? Because I swallow my consonants sometimes.
Nt.
Nt.
- Can't come in.
- Got that hit-and-run? We're from the government safety place? - Is that a question? - Government safety place.
Mm-hm.
The facts were these: One Bernard Slaybeck, an unmarried automotive safety specialist 35 years, 10 weeks, 7 hours and 3 minutes old was found dead by the side of the road.
The apparent victim of a hit-and-run driver.
As there were no witnesses, the police are offering a reward for information leading to the arrest of the killer.
I'm gonna wait back here.
- You don't like dead bodies, do you? - Not when they sit up and talk.
- Poor man.
- Just touch it.
I'm starting the watch.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Why's everything so blurry? - Because your eyeballs are flat.
- Ask the question.
- Mr.
Slaybeck, do you? Do you have any last requests? Unfinished business we can help with? - Don't let her.
- This heaven? - Could be.
- No, it's not.
- Is that God? - No, it's not.
- I'm confused because I'm a Buddhist.
- Buddhism's fascinating.
- Did it help in your final moments? - She's wasting my minute.
What minute? When did it become your minute? - Sure the hell ain't yours.
- Hey, it's everyone's minute.
Or 22 seconds.
Can you get a message to Earth? Tell Jeanine in Promotions I loved her? - Of course.
- Lf you could remember anything about who was driving the hit-and-run vehicle, we can get you justice.
Hit-and-run? I was killed by a crash-test dummy.
I'm not God, but if I was, I'd be an angry god.
Well, we gave it our best shot.
- So a crash-test dummy killed Bernard.
- Bernard was delusional.
- It's still a clue.
- It's a dead end.
And not the kind you can un-dead and then re-dead again.
- Like you're supposed to.
- It's my fault? When you get all jabberwocky in my minute it's hard to follow up on: "The dummy did it.
" I gotta get some real leads now.
Isn't that what a PI's supposed to do? The fun part? The fun part's counting my money in the bubble bath.
Nice image.
So, what's the poop? - "The poop"? - Poop.
Scoop, the skinny, the haps, the dealio, the 411.
PI lingo.
- Rhubarb.
- What's that mean? PI secret code for, "Get me a damn slice of rhubarb.
" This isn't Pies-R-Us, Pie City, or Thousands-of-Pies-in-One-Place.
This is a bells-on-the-door, pies baking, mom-and-pop place.
We chitchat here.
Chit.
- Chat? - You got it.
So who's the funny girl stuck to Ned? Childhood sweetheart.
Still sweet? His heart? You want the truth? Olive Snook did not want the truth but her heart was so full that it reached up and nodded her head.
He digs her in a way he definitely doesn't dig you.
I'll ju I'll just go get your pie.
- Do they touch much? - Wish they would.
Emerson thinks I'm useless.
You're not useless.
Here, let me.
You sift.
Useless is an empty soap dispenser in a restroom.
Standing around reminding people what you could be doing but doing nothing at all.
- More flour.
- I can't be alive again for no reason.
I mean, I suppose I could be, but where's the fun in that? - We'll find the killer.
- All Emerson cares about is the reward.
- Maybe that's enough.
- It's not.
Enough flour.
What about Jeanine? She needs to know Bernard loved her.
- It was his dying wish.
- It's so sad.
- We'll cushion the blow.
- Not a fan of the blow.
We'll bring pie.
Someone dies, you bring food.
It's what you do.
As the Pie-Maker secretly thought how much better his life had become since Chuck had returned Olive secretly felt the distance between her and the Pie-Maker grow more and more vast until it seemed she might as well be on the other side of the universe.
The Earth is our only home.
If we don't take care of it, who will? Imagine a vehicle so revolutionary it runs on an extraordinary new fuel derived from a renewable plant found everywhere: The dandelion.
Introducing the Dandy Lion SX.
It'll blow you away.
While some came to Dandy Lion Industries to see the car of the future Chuck and the Pie-Maker came with a wish from the past.
A car that runs on dandelions? That's so neat.
- How are we gonna find Jeanine? - This way, people.
Over here.
Jeanine from Promotions? It's a personal matter.
The flower on the turntable.
- Thanks.
- Have a nice day.
Please don't touch.
No smudge-des.
Now, who wants to see all the colors available for the Dandy Lion SX? You speak Japanese? When you take care of shut-ins, you have plenty of time to read.
Don't you have any hidden talents or hobbies? I mean regular ones.
Chuck's love of language had begun upon the discovery of a portable cassette-tape player and several boxes of language courses.
Hi.
Flex your flower power.
Would you like a fact sheet on the Dandy Lion SX, the spores car of tomorrow? Get it? "Spores car"? Well, I think it's cute.
- You Jeanine? - Am I in trouble for making up slogans? I'll say, "Blow you away," but it seemed redundant with the commercial playing.
We're here on a more tragic matter about Bernard Slaybeck.
Maybe you got the wrong flower.
- I didn't know any Bernard.
- She lied.
- Are you're sure? - I know what I know.
Is that pie? It was baked for the recipient of Bernard's message.
Well, it's a shame to waste a perfectly good pie.
Man, that smells good.
- You're drooling.
- Bernard - He's dead, right? - The flower had a secret.
Yeah, he's dead.
Enjoy your pie.
But her training as a display model allowed her to conceal any trace.
Time to move on to the next stop, people.
The Crash Test Facility.
- Crash Test Facility? - Dummies.
- Feel like taking a tour? - Uh-huh.
Safely out of sight, the flower began to weep.
Like the rich, sugary dessert she binged on her tears would remain with her for only the next 10 to fifteen minutes before they would be purged from her body like they had never existed.
Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Dandy Lion Worldwide Crash Test Facility.
Science guys, I'd like you to meet our newest Dandy Lion dealers from a little territory I like to call "Asia.
" Science guy, tell them what happens in here.
This is where we use electronic anthropomorphic units - To test the Dandy Lion SX for structural integrity as well as the viability of all the restraint and impact-initiated safety systems.
We crash things in here.
Now, who wants to pull the lever? As the group thrilled to the sight of twisted metal and simulated loss of life and limb Chuck came upon an equally chilling sight of her own.
One of these dummies is not like the others.
Where did his clothes go? Where did his face go? Maybe Bernard wasn't crazy.
The dummy did it.
Or at least someone in a dummy mask and an orange jumpsuit.
- Chuck found the clue.
- I found the clue.
Clue is a board game.
"Professor did it in the parlor with a rubber mallet.
" That's a clue.
- We find evidence.
- You gotta admit this means something.
Could be a lead.
Who'd have access? Loopy dandelion models, angry technicians.
Could be anybody.
I did some checking on that company.
They got a lot riding on Dandy Lion.
- Lot of angry competitors.
- We gotta get back in there tonight.
- That's not how we do.
- We gotta get back in there tonight.
See if whoever took that dummy mask left any evidence.
- Olive? - Hi.
I'm going out late tonight, a frivolous thing, hardly worth explaining.
Can you close up? I think I just did.
What? See you in the morning.
- Bye, Olive.
Bye, Digby.
Bye.
Olive often imagined there was an orchestra in her heart.
Music heard only by her except when her heart broke open and it spilled out into the world.
Guess mine is not the first heart broken My eyes are not the first to cry I'm not the first to know There's just no getting over you I'm hopelessly devoted Excuse me.
We're closed.
You know, I'm just a fool who's willing To sit around and wait for you Baby, can't you see There's nothing left for me to do I'm hopelessly devoted - Hi, Olive.
- Hi, Manuel.
- Can I do the floors? - Yeah, okay.
But now there's nowhere to hide Since you pushed my love aside I'm not in my head Hopelessly devoted to you Hopelessly devoted to you - Did you say something? - No.
Hopelessly devoted to you While Olive considered how much she loved Digby for paying attention to her when the Pie-Maker would not and Digby considered how much he liked salt the Pie-Maker considered what the sentence would be for breaking and entering with no prior convictions.
Where'd you get that? Contacted the company that makes these doors.
They gave me a sample ID which I digitally altered using the code that matches the serial number of this machine.
Is that cheating? I don't know.
Is this? I gave the security guard a hug goodbye.
My upper body distracted him while these things I call "hands" took this off his belt.
At that moment, the Pie-Maker felt a mixture of happiness and trepidation.
Why is it always a mixture? What do you know about Emerson, besides he investigates? What's so great about knowing? When you lift up a rock, do you find whipped cream? No, you find worms.
- I say no to knowing.
- We haven't seen each other in 20 years.
Don't you wanna know about me? I wanna know about you.
Look, we've all done things we're not proud of.
- We all have secrets.
- What secrets? Skeletons in the closet.
Exactly.
How long have you been listening? There are skeletons in the closet.
- Those aren't skeletons.
Those are dead bodies.
- Hey.
Rick.
Rick Page.
- Hey, Rick.
Do you know what's happening right now? Last thing I remember I was reading sales forecasts in the bath.
Those things are dull.
- Ever heard of the Dandy Lion Company? - Nope.
You wanna open the kimono on why I'm wearing a silver leotard and hanging from a hook? - Have any last requests or thoughts? - Well, I - Hey.
- Hey.
If I wanted to mingle with geeks wearing leotards, I'd have stayed in art school.
- You went to art school? - Didn't know that, did you? Stop it.
I was riding the Ferris wheel at the State Fair.
And the teenager running it said I could ride an extra turn.
You ever hear of the Dandy Lion Car Company? - No.
- Moving on.
Wait a sec.
I did check a box that said I could be used to test automobile safety.
Sounds scary, but when you're dead, you're dead.
Am I dead? There's nothing illegal about that? Why would Dandy Lion replace all their crash-test dummies with dead bodies? And what happened to all the real dummies? Before Emerson Cod could reply with a clever, if slightly insulting, remark Shh, shh.
See that? Jeanine? What? I couldn't tell you before, because they were watching me.
I hid at work to make sure no one would follow me home.
The truth is, Bernie and I were so in love.
It started when he came to see sales training on his break.
It was love at first sight.
I couldn't take my eyes off him.
He mesmerized me.
My heart leapt out of my chest and I just couldn't look away.
I don't know what it was.
I got all misty-eyed, I was like And as Jeanine continued to eat her triple-berry pie she told them the story of her love affair with Bernard Slaybeck.
Present, present, present.
Present, present, present.
And: Good, girls.
They had met when the scientist had come to watch sales training on a long lunch.
The attraction was instantaneous.
And they would both confess to replaying this first encounter as they fell asleep in their beds that night.
He would remember her hair as being slightly redder her sweater slightly tighter, but the smile he would get just right.
Again, and smile.
She would remember his look as shy, but flirtatious.
His tie as red, but very thin.
And that his sandwich was an Angus beef patty with butterhead lettuce, Roma tomatoes on a sesame-seed whole-wheat bun and a glass of 2 percent milk.
As they talked, these are the things she came to know first: The scientist was kind.
The scientist was lonely.
The scientist came alive when he told her about his hobby of catching butterflies.
When he admitted that he always set them free she felt dizzy and giggled for no reason.
The waif and the scientist fell deeply in love hiding their affair from the world like a trade secret.
But Jeanine from Promotions felt a chasm growing between them.
As the launch of the flower car grew closer, Bernard's hours grew longer.
He became distant and hard to reach.
Suspecting her safety scientist of stepping out on her she began to spy.
But there was no other flower, only mysterious trips into the darkness.
Where did she go? - Sorry.
Restroom.
Mint, anyone? - No, thanks.
- Where was Slaybeck going on the drives? - I could never see.
When I confronted him about it, he wouldn't tell me.
I thought he was being paranoid till he turned up dead.
- You gonna finish that? - Yes.
- I wish we knew what he was doing.
- Oh, I figured it out.
It's easier if I show you.
Follow me.
- Shotgun.
- Chuck.
- I hate the back.
- Dead.
Again.
Forever.
Fine.
She's not going very fast.
That car can't have a big engine.
- Maybe she ate it.
- That's not funny.
She obviously has a serious disorder.
- What do you mean? - Seriously? The girl's got a whole secret life in the bathroom.
- And I know exactly how she feels.
- So do I.
I hate having secrets and now I am one.
These disguises, hiding in your apartment all the time.
- I hate secrets too.
- You love secrets.
You wanna marry secrets and have little half-secret, half-human babies.
I have a secret too.
I miss my aunts.
If I can't have them back, all I have is you.
Which is great, but I don't know anything about you since you were 9.
Pretty much I bake pies and wake the dead.
I live a very sheltered life.
I already lived a sheltered life once.
But it wasn't as sheltered as you think.
Aunt Lily had a very extensive collection of historic erotica in the milk cellar.
- The milk cellar? - Cheese floor.
Spooky place under the house, whatever.
I will pay you not to have this conversation in front of me.
It's not in front of you.
It's to the side and behind.
You can't ride in the front, Chuck.
Tragically for Jeanine, it didn't matter where she sat.
There you go.
Good as new.
- Do I look okay? - Runway-ready.
Really? You don't think these bandages make me look fat? - Not at all.
- Oh, that's so sweet.
Is he always this sweet? - I wouldn't know.
- Some crazy car bomber went through a lot to keep you from showing what you wanted to show.
- The bodies.
- What bodies? The dead bodies? - We already found the dead bo - No.
The ones in the big hole.
- How sad.
- Why would somebody do this? One way to find out.
What is all that? Each one of these is fitted with a computer hard drive to record any of the crash-test data.
- Bury the dummies, you bury the data.
- Couldn't they erase it? You never can completely erase anything.
Why are there dead people on hooks and plastic dummies in a grave? The company must've switched to cadavers so there'd be no permanent record of the crash-test results.
Dead people don't talk.
Usually.
As the Pie-Maker's brain crackled with 10,000 volts of electricity and then lost consciousness Olive would have no such luck.
Digby, you awake? I can't sleep either.
Closing her eyes only made her visions of the Pie-Maker's late-night date with the perky brunette from nowhere, more vivid and uncensored.
Oh! Yuck.
Olive decided she was done lying down about this.
We are up.
We are walking.
Uh-oh.
Automobile manufacturing is a dirty business.
Murder was not new for Mark Chase.
Luckily, body bags keep things nice and neat.
The facts were these: Through a series of crash-test experiments Bernard Slaybeck had learned that the Dandy Lion was a deadly dud.
Bernard begged the president to cancel the car's launch but Mark Chase had other plans.
Like a smoking gun the smoking dummies would have to be buried.
The company had invested millions in the Dandy Lion and he knew that keeping this terrible secret would still be cheaper than halting production of the car.
The decision was made, a cover-up undertaken.
If the dummies had to go so would any dummy who got in the way.
As he regained consciousness and hurtled toward the crash-test wall Bernard's only thoughts were of Jeanine and how he wished he'd told her he loved her.
Mark Chase's attention to detail and gift for planning had served him well as a CEO and now, again, as a murderer.
His cover-up complete his only thoughts were that the Dandy Lion SX would bloom on time and no one would stop him.
The Dandy Lion car is the culmination of my life's work.
It is a flower-powered phenomenon born of sleepless nights intense Ritalin abuse and a long-sublimated interest in botany.
So what, if in the unlikely, but not impossible event the car gets to 70 miles an hour with headlights on and seat warmer on low a short-circuit in the radio causes a chain reaction that blows the car and its human cargo to smithereens.
As Mark Chase continued his monologue unaware that it was completely inaudible from within the sealed body bags within the car Chuck pondered why it was she always seemed to die just as things were starting to get good.
Son of a bitch.
- What? - And though he couldn't hear her Ned suddenly wanted to tell her everything.
Pet peeves and favorite foods, his fears, his dreams and all the pure joy she had brought into his life.
Sayonara.
This was the end all over again.
Goodbye.
Emerson Cod did not like to knit in public but he often left the house with needles in his pocket should the opportunity to rib-stitch a ski cap present itself.
Drive! If only the Pie-Maker had heard the killer exclaim that the Dandy Lion SX was much more than an eco-friendly car of the future.
If only he'd heard it was also a deathtrap a dandelion-fueled time bomb.
Come on.
Just a little faster.
Whoa! - Can't this car go any faster? - Some car of the future this is.
The car of the future was supposed to fly.
What happened to flying cars? In the unlikely, but not impossible event of reaching the speed of 70 miles an hour with the headlights on and the seat warmer set to low a short-circuit in the radio would set off a cataclysmic chain reaction that would blow the car and its precious human cargo to smithereens.
Jeanine had been the first unfortunate victim, and now Watch out! The Pie-Maker had never been so happy to see Olive.
Olive had never been so happy to see the Pie-Maker.
You okay? I am now.
Whatever the Pie-Maker had been doing that night did not seem especially romantic.
Can you help us get out of these body bags? Sure.
Mark Chase's chase had come to an end.
His plan foiled and the police now closing in the car-maker tried to flee, only to discover he was out of gas.
Unlike the Pie-Maker and his friends the Dandy Lion Car Company did not survive once its dark secrets were revealed.
Those responsible were punished for their wicked ways.
Others, strengthened by the news that their loved ones had not died in vain reached out for the help and round-the-clock surveillance by a nutrition professional that they needed.
And Emerson Cod realized he would not be not knitting anytime soon as the dead girl who was not dead appeared to be staying put.
A fact the Pie-Maker celebrated.
I'm not giving up, Digby.
Get in.
The front? - You did this? - You can drive now, too, if you want but I kind of love driving.
Really? I didn't know that.
What is that? It's for steering emergencies.
- He lied.
Perfect.
That's what I thought.
She lied too.
You were my first kiss too.
You touch murder victims, you ask who killed them.
Touch them again, they go back to dead.
- You collect the reward? - In a nutshell.
- Are you the business partner? - Yes, ma'am.
- Doesn't she look a lot like that dead girl? - She looks exactly like that dead girl.
Do you touch anything? I tou I touch lots of things.
Does he touch you? I'd kiss you if it wouldn't kill me.
You in love with her? It's that level of stupid.
I kind of killed her dad when I was 10.
She doesn't know.
I thought my world would be a better place if you were in it.
Is there anything else I should know? No.
At this very moment, in the town of North Thrush Young Ned was 9 years, 33 weeks, He stood on the exact spot where, four weeks and two days previously his father had deposited him at the Longborough School for Boys.
As Young Ned's mother had died recently there was reassuring physical contact and parting words.
"I'll be back.
" He lied.
The sadness and dread which the boy felt were not so much a product of the Longborough School.
Young Ned's acute discomfort came from the knowledge that when he touched a dead thing it came back to life.
The other boys assumed his introverted nature was a product of weakness and coddling.
Thinking of revenge, and also not thinking at all Young Ned volunteered to assist with that day's science project.
Young Ned's secret gift was governed by three simple rules: Touch a dead thing once: Alive.
Touch a dead thing again: Dead forever.
Keep a dead thing alive for more than a minute: And something else has to die.
His gift had once again brought him great distress in place of great joy.
He vowed to keep the strange details of his strange life secret from the world forever.
Are you responsible for this? So Young Ned did what his father had done to him only 31 days before.
No.
He lied.
For the next 19 years, 29 weeks and two days keeping secrets worked beautifully.
The boy became the Pie-Maker and the Pie-Maker deceived with ease.
Until Chuck.
This is strange.
Charlotte Charles had been alive for 28 years 24 weeks, 3 days, before she was murdered.
- Is this strange? - This is not strange.
Unusual, maybe.
Eccentric in a quaint way, like dessert spoons.
Revived by the Pie-Maker and given a second chance at life, she had many questions.
I have so many questions, my mind wanders.
Feed it warm milk and a turkey sandwich let it curl up in a sunny spot and take a nap.
- I miss my aunts.
- Of course.
Do you miss them a lot? A little.
- All the time? - Now and then.
As Chuck spoke, she realized her secrets were: "Really a lot," and, "Every minute," in that order.
- How many people have you touched? - People or animals? Crossing.
Digby doesn't count.
No one's been through as much with me as Digby.
How many people have you brought back to life? It's not like I walk around reviving childhood sweethearts willy-nilly.
What about with Emerson, huh? Oh, coming through.
- You touch lots of people with Emerson.
- For work.
Just because you kill them again doesn't make it any different.
Yes, it does.
Coming through.
Can we not say "kill"? I touch them they snap back the way they're supposed to be.
Am I the rubber band that broke? You're the only human being I've ever made alive again to stay.
He lied.
In fact, the Pie-Maker had kept one other person alive for longer than a minute.
Using the gift to temporarily revive his own mother the unintended effect on Chuck's father had been more permanent.
The Pie-Maker often asked himself if he would ever be able to tell Chuck this secret.
- Your eye's twitching.
- Is it? This is such a small cheese box.
The aunts who had raised Chuck had taught her to believe that the large white appliance in the kitchen had a fairly narrow purpose.
Aunt Lily, is it okay to freeze Camembert? I'd rather not wedge it between Edam and Paneer.
Or I could air out the Gouda.
In fact, Young Chuck did not refer to a refrigerator as anything but a "cheese box" until she was 17.
As Chuck considered the life she could never go back to Olive Snook considered the changes in her own life.
Foremost, the mysterious brunette encroaching on the man she herself loved.
From her perch, the jealous, yet agile, neighbor was able to confirm only one pleasing detail.
There's a surprising lack of physical contact.
Oh, crap.
One mile to the west Emerson Cod was also not thrilled.
During times of stress or anxiety, he liked to knit.
Since the arrival of the dead girl who was not dead he found the stockinette stitch to be especially relaxing.
Emerson Cod.
But no stitch was a substitute for a good murder case.
Thanks.
Got it.
Meet me at the morgue in 15 minutes.
As he finished purling the row, he wished aloud: She better not come.
Hi, Emerson.
Isn't this exciting? Hey.
What's she doing here? Said she didn't climb out of a coffin for me to keep her in a box.
- She the boss of you? - I'm the boss of me.
- Dead girl's gotta go.
- Dead girl's not going.
You don't know nothing about her except she had soft lips.
- That should be enough.
- Well, I don't like it.
Hey.
- What did you talk about? - I'd like to get out of the car.
He upset you brought your childhood sweetheart back to life? He barely knows you're here.
In fact, Emerson Cod had finished knitting a sweater-vest and two handgun cozies in the week since Chuck's return.
Sweet.
- Do I have to sit in back from now on? - It's for your own safety.
- You sound like my dad.
- Lf my hand brushes yours you'd be dead.
He didn't say that.
It's better if you stay in the car for morgue visits.
Someone might recognize you.
You really can't come in.
Did I say can? Because I swallow my consonants sometimes.
Nt.
Nt.
- Can't come in.
- Got that hit-and-run? We're from the government safety place? - Is that a question? - Government safety place.
Mm-hm.
The facts were these: One Bernard Slaybeck, an unmarried automotive safety specialist 35 years, 10 weeks, 7 hours and 3 minutes old was found dead by the side of the road.
The apparent victim of a hit-and-run driver.
As there were no witnesses, the police are offering a reward for information leading to the arrest of the killer.
I'm gonna wait back here.
- You don't like dead bodies, do you? - Not when they sit up and talk.
- Poor man.
- Just touch it.
I'm starting the watch.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Why's everything so blurry? - Because your eyeballs are flat.
- Ask the question.
- Mr.
Slaybeck, do you? Do you have any last requests? Unfinished business we can help with? - Don't let her.
- This heaven? - Could be.
- No, it's not.
- Is that God? - No, it's not.
- I'm confused because I'm a Buddhist.
- Buddhism's fascinating.
- Did it help in your final moments? - She's wasting my minute.
What minute? When did it become your minute? - Sure the hell ain't yours.
- Hey, it's everyone's minute.
Or 22 seconds.
Can you get a message to Earth? Tell Jeanine in Promotions I loved her? - Of course.
- Lf you could remember anything about who was driving the hit-and-run vehicle, we can get you justice.
Hit-and-run? I was killed by a crash-test dummy.
I'm not God, but if I was, I'd be an angry god.
Well, we gave it our best shot.
- So a crash-test dummy killed Bernard.
- Bernard was delusional.
- It's still a clue.
- It's a dead end.
And not the kind you can un-dead and then re-dead again.
- Like you're supposed to.
- It's my fault? When you get all jabberwocky in my minute it's hard to follow up on: "The dummy did it.
" I gotta get some real leads now.
Isn't that what a PI's supposed to do? The fun part? The fun part's counting my money in the bubble bath.
Nice image.
So, what's the poop? - "The poop"? - Poop.
Scoop, the skinny, the haps, the dealio, the 411.
PI lingo.
- Rhubarb.
- What's that mean? PI secret code for, "Get me a damn slice of rhubarb.
" This isn't Pies-R-Us, Pie City, or Thousands-of-Pies-in-One-Place.
This is a bells-on-the-door, pies baking, mom-and-pop place.
We chitchat here.
Chit.
- Chat? - You got it.
So who's the funny girl stuck to Ned? Childhood sweetheart.
Still sweet? His heart? You want the truth? Olive Snook did not want the truth but her heart was so full that it reached up and nodded her head.
He digs her in a way he definitely doesn't dig you.
I'll ju I'll just go get your pie.
- Do they touch much? - Wish they would.
Emerson thinks I'm useless.
You're not useless.
Here, let me.
You sift.
Useless is an empty soap dispenser in a restroom.
Standing around reminding people what you could be doing but doing nothing at all.
- More flour.
- I can't be alive again for no reason.
I mean, I suppose I could be, but where's the fun in that? - We'll find the killer.
- All Emerson cares about is the reward.
- Maybe that's enough.
- It's not.
Enough flour.
What about Jeanine? She needs to know Bernard loved her.
- It was his dying wish.
- It's so sad.
- We'll cushion the blow.
- Not a fan of the blow.
We'll bring pie.
Someone dies, you bring food.
It's what you do.
As the Pie-Maker secretly thought how much better his life had become since Chuck had returned Olive secretly felt the distance between her and the Pie-Maker grow more and more vast until it seemed she might as well be on the other side of the universe.
The Earth is our only home.
If we don't take care of it, who will? Imagine a vehicle so revolutionary it runs on an extraordinary new fuel derived from a renewable plant found everywhere: The dandelion.
Introducing the Dandy Lion SX.
It'll blow you away.
While some came to Dandy Lion Industries to see the car of the future Chuck and the Pie-Maker came with a wish from the past.
A car that runs on dandelions? That's so neat.
- How are we gonna find Jeanine? - This way, people.
Over here.
Jeanine from Promotions? It's a personal matter.
The flower on the turntable.
- Thanks.
- Have a nice day.
Please don't touch.
No smudge-des.
Now, who wants to see all the colors available for the Dandy Lion SX? You speak Japanese? When you take care of shut-ins, you have plenty of time to read.
Don't you have any hidden talents or hobbies? I mean regular ones.
Chuck's love of language had begun upon the discovery of a portable cassette-tape player and several boxes of language courses.
Hi.
Flex your flower power.
Would you like a fact sheet on the Dandy Lion SX, the spores car of tomorrow? Get it? "Spores car"? Well, I think it's cute.
- You Jeanine? - Am I in trouble for making up slogans? I'll say, "Blow you away," but it seemed redundant with the commercial playing.
We're here on a more tragic matter about Bernard Slaybeck.
Maybe you got the wrong flower.
- I didn't know any Bernard.
- She lied.
- Are you're sure? - I know what I know.
Is that pie? It was baked for the recipient of Bernard's message.
Well, it's a shame to waste a perfectly good pie.
Man, that smells good.
- You're drooling.
- Bernard - He's dead, right? - The flower had a secret.
Yeah, he's dead.
Enjoy your pie.
But her training as a display model allowed her to conceal any trace.
Time to move on to the next stop, people.
The Crash Test Facility.
- Crash Test Facility? - Dummies.
- Feel like taking a tour? - Uh-huh.
Safely out of sight, the flower began to weep.
Like the rich, sugary dessert she binged on her tears would remain with her for only the next 10 to fifteen minutes before they would be purged from her body like they had never existed.
Ladies and gentlemen welcome to the Dandy Lion Worldwide Crash Test Facility.
Science guys, I'd like you to meet our newest Dandy Lion dealers from a little territory I like to call "Asia.
" Science guy, tell them what happens in here.
This is where we use electronic anthropomorphic units - To test the Dandy Lion SX for structural integrity as well as the viability of all the restraint and impact-initiated safety systems.
We crash things in here.
Now, who wants to pull the lever? As the group thrilled to the sight of twisted metal and simulated loss of life and limb Chuck came upon an equally chilling sight of her own.
One of these dummies is not like the others.
Where did his clothes go? Where did his face go? Maybe Bernard wasn't crazy.
The dummy did it.
Or at least someone in a dummy mask and an orange jumpsuit.
- Chuck found the clue.
- I found the clue.
Clue is a board game.
"Professor did it in the parlor with a rubber mallet.
" That's a clue.
- We find evidence.
- You gotta admit this means something.
Could be a lead.
Who'd have access? Loopy dandelion models, angry technicians.
Could be anybody.
I did some checking on that company.
They got a lot riding on Dandy Lion.
- Lot of angry competitors.
- We gotta get back in there tonight.
- That's not how we do.
- We gotta get back in there tonight.
See if whoever took that dummy mask left any evidence.
- Olive? - Hi.
I'm going out late tonight, a frivolous thing, hardly worth explaining.
Can you close up? I think I just did.
What? See you in the morning.
- Bye, Olive.
Bye, Digby.
Bye.
Olive often imagined there was an orchestra in her heart.
Music heard only by her except when her heart broke open and it spilled out into the world.
Guess mine is not the first heart broken My eyes are not the first to cry I'm not the first to know There's just no getting over you I'm hopelessly devoted Excuse me.
We're closed.
You know, I'm just a fool who's willing To sit around and wait for you Baby, can't you see There's nothing left for me to do I'm hopelessly devoted - Hi, Olive.
- Hi, Manuel.
- Can I do the floors? - Yeah, okay.
But now there's nowhere to hide Since you pushed my love aside I'm not in my head Hopelessly devoted to you Hopelessly devoted to you - Did you say something? - No.
Hopelessly devoted to you While Olive considered how much she loved Digby for paying attention to her when the Pie-Maker would not and Digby considered how much he liked salt the Pie-Maker considered what the sentence would be for breaking and entering with no prior convictions.
Where'd you get that? Contacted the company that makes these doors.
They gave me a sample ID which I digitally altered using the code that matches the serial number of this machine.
Is that cheating? I don't know.
Is this? I gave the security guard a hug goodbye.
My upper body distracted him while these things I call "hands" took this off his belt.
At that moment, the Pie-Maker felt a mixture of happiness and trepidation.
Why is it always a mixture? What do you know about Emerson, besides he investigates? What's so great about knowing? When you lift up a rock, do you find whipped cream? No, you find worms.
- I say no to knowing.
- We haven't seen each other in 20 years.
Don't you wanna know about me? I wanna know about you.
Look, we've all done things we're not proud of.
- We all have secrets.
- What secrets? Skeletons in the closet.
Exactly.
How long have you been listening? There are skeletons in the closet.
- Those aren't skeletons.
Those are dead bodies.
- Hey.
Rick.
Rick Page.
- Hey, Rick.
Do you know what's happening right now? Last thing I remember I was reading sales forecasts in the bath.
Those things are dull.
- Ever heard of the Dandy Lion Company? - Nope.
You wanna open the kimono on why I'm wearing a silver leotard and hanging from a hook? - Have any last requests or thoughts? - Well, I - Hey.
- Hey.
If I wanted to mingle with geeks wearing leotards, I'd have stayed in art school.
- You went to art school? - Didn't know that, did you? Stop it.
I was riding the Ferris wheel at the State Fair.
And the teenager running it said I could ride an extra turn.
You ever hear of the Dandy Lion Car Company? - No.
- Moving on.
Wait a sec.
I did check a box that said I could be used to test automobile safety.
Sounds scary, but when you're dead, you're dead.
Am I dead? There's nothing illegal about that? Why would Dandy Lion replace all their crash-test dummies with dead bodies? And what happened to all the real dummies? Before Emerson Cod could reply with a clever, if slightly insulting, remark Shh, shh.
See that? Jeanine? What? I couldn't tell you before, because they were watching me.
I hid at work to make sure no one would follow me home.
The truth is, Bernie and I were so in love.
It started when he came to see sales training on his break.
It was love at first sight.
I couldn't take my eyes off him.
He mesmerized me.
My heart leapt out of my chest and I just couldn't look away.
I don't know what it was.
I got all misty-eyed, I was like And as Jeanine continued to eat her triple-berry pie she told them the story of her love affair with Bernard Slaybeck.
Present, present, present.
Present, present, present.
And: Good, girls.
They had met when the scientist had come to watch sales training on a long lunch.
The attraction was instantaneous.
And they would both confess to replaying this first encounter as they fell asleep in their beds that night.
He would remember her hair as being slightly redder her sweater slightly tighter, but the smile he would get just right.
Again, and smile.
She would remember his look as shy, but flirtatious.
His tie as red, but very thin.
And that his sandwich was an Angus beef patty with butterhead lettuce, Roma tomatoes on a sesame-seed whole-wheat bun and a glass of 2 percent milk.
As they talked, these are the things she came to know first: The scientist was kind.
The scientist was lonely.
The scientist came alive when he told her about his hobby of catching butterflies.
When he admitted that he always set them free she felt dizzy and giggled for no reason.
The waif and the scientist fell deeply in love hiding their affair from the world like a trade secret.
But Jeanine from Promotions felt a chasm growing between them.
As the launch of the flower car grew closer, Bernard's hours grew longer.
He became distant and hard to reach.
Suspecting her safety scientist of stepping out on her she began to spy.
But there was no other flower, only mysterious trips into the darkness.
Where did she go? - Sorry.
Restroom.
Mint, anyone? - No, thanks.
- Where was Slaybeck going on the drives? - I could never see.
When I confronted him about it, he wouldn't tell me.
I thought he was being paranoid till he turned up dead.
- You gonna finish that? - Yes.
- I wish we knew what he was doing.
- Oh, I figured it out.
It's easier if I show you.
Follow me.
- Shotgun.
- Chuck.
- I hate the back.
- Dead.
Again.
Forever.
Fine.
She's not going very fast.
That car can't have a big engine.
- Maybe she ate it.
- That's not funny.
She obviously has a serious disorder.
- What do you mean? - Seriously? The girl's got a whole secret life in the bathroom.
- And I know exactly how she feels.
- So do I.
I hate having secrets and now I am one.
These disguises, hiding in your apartment all the time.
- I hate secrets too.
- You love secrets.
You wanna marry secrets and have little half-secret, half-human babies.
I have a secret too.
I miss my aunts.
If I can't have them back, all I have is you.
Which is great, but I don't know anything about you since you were 9.
Pretty much I bake pies and wake the dead.
I live a very sheltered life.
I already lived a sheltered life once.
But it wasn't as sheltered as you think.
Aunt Lily had a very extensive collection of historic erotica in the milk cellar.
- The milk cellar? - Cheese floor.
Spooky place under the house, whatever.
I will pay you not to have this conversation in front of me.
It's not in front of you.
It's to the side and behind.
You can't ride in the front, Chuck.
Tragically for Jeanine, it didn't matter where she sat.
There you go.
Good as new.
- Do I look okay? - Runway-ready.
Really? You don't think these bandages make me look fat? - Not at all.
- Oh, that's so sweet.
Is he always this sweet? - I wouldn't know.
- Some crazy car bomber went through a lot to keep you from showing what you wanted to show.
- The bodies.
- What bodies? The dead bodies? - We already found the dead bo - No.
The ones in the big hole.
- How sad.
- Why would somebody do this? One way to find out.
What is all that? Each one of these is fitted with a computer hard drive to record any of the crash-test data.
- Bury the dummies, you bury the data.
- Couldn't they erase it? You never can completely erase anything.
Why are there dead people on hooks and plastic dummies in a grave? The company must've switched to cadavers so there'd be no permanent record of the crash-test results.
Dead people don't talk.
Usually.
As the Pie-Maker's brain crackled with 10,000 volts of electricity and then lost consciousness Olive would have no such luck.
Digby, you awake? I can't sleep either.
Closing her eyes only made her visions of the Pie-Maker's late-night date with the perky brunette from nowhere, more vivid and uncensored.
Oh! Yuck.
Olive decided she was done lying down about this.
We are up.
We are walking.
Uh-oh.
Automobile manufacturing is a dirty business.
Murder was not new for Mark Chase.
Luckily, body bags keep things nice and neat.
The facts were these: Through a series of crash-test experiments Bernard Slaybeck had learned that the Dandy Lion was a deadly dud.
Bernard begged the president to cancel the car's launch but Mark Chase had other plans.
Like a smoking gun the smoking dummies would have to be buried.
The company had invested millions in the Dandy Lion and he knew that keeping this terrible secret would still be cheaper than halting production of the car.
The decision was made, a cover-up undertaken.
If the dummies had to go so would any dummy who got in the way.
As he regained consciousness and hurtled toward the crash-test wall Bernard's only thoughts were of Jeanine and how he wished he'd told her he loved her.
Mark Chase's attention to detail and gift for planning had served him well as a CEO and now, again, as a murderer.
His cover-up complete his only thoughts were that the Dandy Lion SX would bloom on time and no one would stop him.
The Dandy Lion car is the culmination of my life's work.
It is a flower-powered phenomenon born of sleepless nights intense Ritalin abuse and a long-sublimated interest in botany.
So what, if in the unlikely, but not impossible event the car gets to 70 miles an hour with headlights on and seat warmer on low a short-circuit in the radio causes a chain reaction that blows the car and its human cargo to smithereens.
As Mark Chase continued his monologue unaware that it was completely inaudible from within the sealed body bags within the car Chuck pondered why it was she always seemed to die just as things were starting to get good.
Son of a bitch.
- What? - And though he couldn't hear her Ned suddenly wanted to tell her everything.
Pet peeves and favorite foods, his fears, his dreams and all the pure joy she had brought into his life.
Sayonara.
This was the end all over again.
Goodbye.
Emerson Cod did not like to knit in public but he often left the house with needles in his pocket should the opportunity to rib-stitch a ski cap present itself.
Drive! If only the Pie-Maker had heard the killer exclaim that the Dandy Lion SX was much more than an eco-friendly car of the future.
If only he'd heard it was also a deathtrap a dandelion-fueled time bomb.
Come on.
Just a little faster.
Whoa! - Can't this car go any faster? - Some car of the future this is.
The car of the future was supposed to fly.
What happened to flying cars? In the unlikely, but not impossible event of reaching the speed of 70 miles an hour with the headlights on and the seat warmer set to low a short-circuit in the radio would set off a cataclysmic chain reaction that would blow the car and its precious human cargo to smithereens.
Jeanine had been the first unfortunate victim, and now Watch out! The Pie-Maker had never been so happy to see Olive.
Olive had never been so happy to see the Pie-Maker.
You okay? I am now.
Whatever the Pie-Maker had been doing that night did not seem especially romantic.
Can you help us get out of these body bags? Sure.
Mark Chase's chase had come to an end.
His plan foiled and the police now closing in the car-maker tried to flee, only to discover he was out of gas.
Unlike the Pie-Maker and his friends the Dandy Lion Car Company did not survive once its dark secrets were revealed.
Those responsible were punished for their wicked ways.
Others, strengthened by the news that their loved ones had not died in vain reached out for the help and round-the-clock surveillance by a nutrition professional that they needed.
And Emerson Cod realized he would not be not knitting anytime soon as the dead girl who was not dead appeared to be staying put.
A fact the Pie-Maker celebrated.
I'm not giving up, Digby.
Get in.
The front? - You did this? - You can drive now, too, if you want but I kind of love driving.
Really? I didn't know that.
What is that? It's for steering emergencies.
- He lied.
Perfect.
That's what I thought.
She lied too.