Queenie (2024) s01e02 Episode Script

Seriously, Grandad, this
won't be here for long.
It's just that the place that
I'm moving into is teeny.
How long before you move in?
You know there's always
a room for you here.
That's never gonna happen.
I'm sure we're still in a
cost-of-living crisis, Veronica.
Paying for water's so expensive,
make you think you're
paying for wine.
I-I won't need to do that.
Uh, I'll I'll be fine.
I'll be
..uh, fine.
So, someone finally learned to
grow a beard that connects, yeah?
100% organic shea
butter, innit! Yeah.
But I know you Jamaicans
don't know about dem things
Do you know something? I will
have you know that as a Jamaican,
not only do I know about shea
butter, but you can tell.
Uh-huh. Uh Yeah,
yeah, hold that.
Yo, what you say? You've
got Frank. How can I help?
Um, you heard from
Tom? Uh, yeah
No. No, uh, just helping
a friend move, innit?
Not since I told him that
I found my own place.
CLEARS HER THROA
But it's OK, do you
know what I mean?
Like, cos we're just
We're just taking time
and space away from each other right
now, and All right, say less.
Yeah. In a bit.
So, here, what, Monday
Mm-hm? ..I put up,
"Brothers love saying they're dating
you without absolutely no dates."
Yes. Tuesday, Sean
pops up talking about,
"Hey, Empress, let
me take ya out."
Sean? Yeah. Omarion,
but with height.
Oh. Yes, that Sean. Nah,
you guys are rude, cuz.
He's got money, innit? Mm-hm. So,
I put on the black Balmain dress
with the Louboutin thigh-highs.
OK, all right. Mm. So
you wanted him to die?
Of course, I did.
QUEENIE LAUGHS
You see how Kyazike's out here
living her best life? Mm-hm.
And you see how I'm watching
videos of that sausage dog
wearing different shoes to
cheer myself? You like that.
So, he's come out the
BM, white tee. Yes. OK.
Jeans.
Out of season Yeezys.
Next thing you know, we're
parking up in Crystal Palace.
OK And what's wrong with
Crystal Palace? Ends, innit?
Yeah. "Ends, innit?
Ends, innit?" Ah!
Does that sound like an
"ends, innit" type of outfit?
I mean Them
shoes. That dress.
He was taking me to
a Thai restaurant.
Oh. And what's wrong with Thai
food?! You like Thai food.
You like Thai food! Listen,
Frank Ssebendeke, the Second,
I ain't saying I'm too
good for Thai food
I remember mine and
Tom's first date.
And the first time we kissed,
and the first time we
HORN HONKS
On the real, does
Does Grandma know that her
baby's living in the trap house?
Uh, would we call
it a trap house?
Yes. Yeah.
Oh, this is what Tom
has sentenced you to.
He's gonna snack on incompetence
for the rest of his days.
Look, Tom hasn't sentenced
me to anything, you know?
Look, I-I might like it here.
So how comes you've gotta leave
when he could just move in
with his rich-arse parents?
Well, cos they're not r
Look, you think
Kyazike, stop that.
Don't touch, bro.
Do you think I could've
afforded that place on my income
in this economic climate? Tsk.
Plus, it's
It's his place.
Psh, whatever, man.
Your next article Mm?
..could be called "How to
be Bougie in the Bando".
QUEENIE CHUCKLES
Cos this ain't it. Hmm.
This is sending my Caribbean levels
of cleanliness off the scale.
Ah. You good, yeah?
Yeah, man's, good. What,
lift something, innit?
Oh, my gosh. Yeah. It's just
that I die a little bit inside
every time you bang my dresser
on the railings and the walls
and Wow! ..every
other available surface.
Ah, like that, yeah? Can
you not? Can you chill?
Well, maybe you should
try doing some lifting
instead of just touching
up the sides. Mm.
And where did you find this
Antiques Roadshow
looking-arse ting anyway, fam?
Cos you know I can just
take you to get a new one,
you know what I'm saying? Um,
it was my mum's, actually.
Queenie, come see this one.
Thank Jesus you grew into
that forehead, cos Hey!
My forehead was fine. Cos, boy,
life could've been peak for you.
Hey, leave her
forehead alone, fam.
Thank you. Hey, I've got you.
Defend me, yeah. I've got your back.
Although, I can't lie, that
was a bit peak, though. Babes!
HE LAUGHS
You know what I like about you?
INTERNALLY: This is how he
used to draw me out at school.
Most people leave ends to try
and find themselves, but
I feel like you always
knew who you were.
I didn't know who I was then.
And I still don't know now.
OUT LOUD: Wow
So deep.
Oh, so it's not just the facial
hair that changed enough?
All right, I know,
man. HE LAUGHS
PHONE RINGS
What you saying?
Let me just get this one. Sure.
Yeah, how you doing, sweetness?
How did I get here?
You good, sis?
Boy. Have you lot
seen this bath?
DOOR CLOSES
I Hm.
What is all this, cuz?
I really love saying I told
you so, but Then don't.
..this is pathetic.
Please don't.
HEARTBEAT POUNDS
Hey, Tom. I'm I'm all good,
in case you were wondering.
ANIMAL SQUEAKING
Found myself a
great place to live.
Hello! Cup of tea?
It's giving aesthetic.
Really interesting housemates.
Very chatty.
I thought you said we'd be doing
something fun. This IS fun!
In a clearing your head,
releasing negative energy,
and taking new power
sort of way. Cassandra.
Come on, next pose.
Palms pressing into the
ground like starfish.
Cassandra has always been good at
everything and knowing everything.
On the first day of university,
she walked up to me and said,
"As the two minorities
on the course,
"we should stick together,"
and has proceeded to tell me
how to improve my life at
every opportunity since.
You OK?
I don't think so.
You know, I'm so pleased you're free
to finally focus all your energy
on mind, body, and soul. Now find
the lengthening in your back
..and slowly breathe into it.
It's time to do what you want.
It's time to think
and reflect. Yeah.
It's time to not wake up with
a dick poking you in the back.
What's wrong with waking up
to a dick poking in your back?
I liked it.
Plus, Cass, I'm not single, OK? I'm
on a break. It's just temporary.
SHE SIGHS I can't do this.
Queenie
Queenie.
Qu, Queenie
THROUGH CLENCHED TEETH: Queenie!
CORK POPS, CHEERING
I swear, these parties are
like social experiments.
Put a black person in Made in
Chelsea and see what happens.
The demographic is
posh white folk and me.
Oh, and Sam.
Why the fuck does
he always do that?
Sam, we're the only two black people
at these things! Just say hello.
Queenie? Hi!
Who is this? Haven't
seen you in ages!
Where's Tom? I'm asking
myself the same question.
Tell him I said hi, yeah?
Uh, of course.
Hey.
Just made it to Fran and
James' engagement party.
Some random guy said to,
uh, "Tell Tom I said hi."
Lol.
Queenie. Hi. You
made it. Oh, sorry.
Mm. It's OK. Quick, drink this.
Oh, no, Darcy, I'm not really
drinking. It's expensive. I'm
Mm.
No Simon? He's taking a shit.
At a party? Well,
he's older, isn't he?
Oh, Darcy, are you sure that I'm not
third wheeling? There's a lot of
No! No, not at all.
Ugh. So many couples.
How was yoga?
SHE LAUGHS Oh, I see.
Hmm. It's the first time I've
been to one of these things
without Tom in a long time.
Oh, but it's nice
to have you back.
Tom was always pulling you off
into corners to chat at parties.
Mm-hm Let's toast
to a little time out,
after which your relationship will
surely be greater than before.
UNDER HER BREATH: OK.
This is cool. I'm
enjoying myself.
I'm perfectly capable of being at
this kind of party without Tom.
And I'm determined to have
a good, civilised evening.
Hi, Simon.
So sorry to hear
about the break-up.
Whatever happened to
"Hello, good evening"?
It's a break, but thank you.
Thought you weren't
drinking much tonight.
Fuck it.
We'd been together
for three years
SLURRING: and this is the
best that he can do for me.
Do you know what I
mean, right? Ridiculous.
What do you mean I'm
angry? I'm not angry.
I'm not an angry person.
Look at me, do I look angry?
No, babes, you look calm.
No, look. And listen.
Hit me here. Right, OK.
And there's Let me Let me
tell you something else, all right?
I mean, I don't know.
He won't tell me.
Fool me, fool me,
go on and fool me ♪
You know, T-O-M, doesn't get it.
Love me, love me ♪
Maybe he's never got it.
Pretend that you love me ♪
Sorry, but
He just ran away to his mum's.
I'm fucked.
You're not. But you need to be.
What do you? Give me your phone.
Hey! What are you One sec
Hey! Hey, what are you doing?
I'm making you a
LoveBelow profile.
No, no, no, no, no, no,
don't do that. It'll be fun.
Step back. Into the light.
Maybe like, pout your lips.
You're so lucky your lips
are just naturally like that.
CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS
OK OK, maybe smile a bit.
Profile pic, sorted.
Uh, what do you want your
opening statement to say?
I'm here for a good time,
but not a long time.
A sex-positive queen.
We love to see it.
Wait, wait. Hold on, hold
on, hold on. That's
You know what? As thirst
traps go, this can run.
What the actual fuck?
Does he not even miss me?
Huh!
I'll show him clean break.
I'll show him what he's missing.
If Tom doesn't want to see me in
this dress, I know someone who does.
This is fine. This is fun.
This is fine and fun.
Clean break.
Breaking clean.
PHONE VIBRATES
Where is this girl, man?
PHONE VIBRATES
Make me some honey while
my sister's making money
Looking fly with
my suit on ♪
What have you got for us today?
Um, well, I-I thought
about this piece called
"How to Be Bougie in the
Bando". CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY
Um, it was about, uh
..the cost of living for young
Londoners who want to have fun.
Um, also a-a piece called, uh,
"Racial Tension
- the US and Us."
Uh, "Us and the" Uh, no. Ugh.
Sorry. It's, "Racial
Tension - US or Us."
OK. Mm-hm?
Wordplay aside. Mm-hm. What's
the content of the piece?
Uh, well, I thought
I could look into
..people who write about
racial tension in the US,
as if it's only happening abroad,
when here in our back yard,
we can see that
there are many
Sorry. Who are these people?
Oh, they're mostly white, middle
class, hypocritical journalists.
I think I'll stop you
there. No, no, Gina, I
I think this is a really strong
piece, and if I could just
If I could just show you my
notes, I Queenie, you know I
I love your quirkiness.
But I really need you to
focus, compartmentalise,
and get back to being
the plucky, capable
..a-and bright social
media assistant
I actually have a
lot of time for.
Mm-hm.
Basically, what I'm
saying, Queenie, is
..back to your best, OK? Yeah.
Thank you, Gina, I'm
Yes, thank you. Sorry.
Thank you, Gina.
I'll be better.
I'll be good.
PHONE BUZZES
My head hurts.
What is he shouting for?
Coffee, paracetamol, or Berocca?
All three, please.
SHE CHUCKLES
Fran and James aren't
upset, are they?
Uh, yes, they are.
You threw up everywhere. Landlord
says they've lost their deposit.
They can't afford their
honeymoon now. What?!
LOUD THROAT CLEARING
I'm winding you up.
Sorry! Anyway, I'm off.
I have to take pictures of some
more pensioners who are accusing
their retirement home of stealing
and selling their medals.
Hold on, hold on, hold on. Not that
that isn't very important Hmm.
..just Yeah? I got
this message from Tom.
Mm.
OK. Interesting.
W-Well, like, what does it mean?
Well, I guess it
means no communication
and give each other
space until you're ready
to see each other
again, you know?
Like you both agreed.
Am I just being stupid and he's
He's actually done with me?
In my opinion, I-I think you
just need to respect his space
whilst you wait to
get back together.
You all right, Queenie? Nope.
My life is falling
apart bit by bit.
I'm living with people
who don't take their
shoes off at the door.
Plus, I had a miscarriage,
and the person I want to talk
to about it won't text me back.
Yeah. I'm I'm
I'm fine. Sorry.
Maybe just focus on yourself
for now, yeah? Mm-hm.
All right, darling,
I'm off. See ya.
PHONE BUZZES
WOLF WHISTLE
"Hefty" "Hefty"?
Is this what single people
are saying these days?
Does the chocolate thing
ever work on black girls?
It's highly unlikely that I'll
be giving head to a stranger.
SHE SIGHS
Mm, that feels
decidedly racist.
I know who'll help me take
my mind off my heartbreak.
MUSIC: Strike a Pose
by Young T & Bugsey
Girl, you're
kinda cute, you know
Here all alone, girl,
you gotta loosen up
Cos your body
wanna move, you know
Uptight, just loosen up ♪
Didn't Super Freak used to
be a hip-hop night? Yep.
Now it's a bunch of people
pretending to be woke.
Thank you.
Mm. Let's go,
let's go, let's go.
MUSIC: blessing me by Mura
Masa, Pa Salieu, Skillibeng
Baby, how you
move so dangerously?
Don't you know, don't
you know you a dangerous B?
Baby, when you move,
it a stressin' me ♪
Kyazike is literally
black girl goals.
My self-confidence is
negligible in comparison.
Ancestors, if you're listening,
which I think sometimes you're not,
I pray for the spirit
of dancing feet.
You didn't bring me this
far to embarrass me.
Bless, bless, bless me
Coca-Cola shape,
ah nuh Pepsi ♪
Oh Oh, no. Oh, no, no!
Koenigsegg, so me
make you quick
I see the way you
control it, dial it
I know you can go
crazy, work it ♪
So, Frank is handy
in all situations.
Furniture removal and saving
me from weird, starey guys.
..when you elevate,
it feel like magic
Make the kitty wild out
like Tom and Jerry ♪
MUSIC: Psycho Lover by
SHIPS & Brickwork Blue
I wanna be next to you
Wake up
Wake up right next to you ♪
Oh, my God. Is it real? Hey! What
the fuck do you think you're doing?
She hit me! Are you smoking
crack? You'll know if I hit you.
Oh, my days. Hey. I'ma need
you lot to calm down, yeah?
Yeah, we're calm, man. Chat
to her. Fucking hit me!
I was just standing here, doing
nothing. She grabbed my bum.
Oh, so you hit her,
yeah? No! Wow! What?!
It really be your own. Tell
the truth, you little bitch.
I was just trying to be
nice, for fuck's sake.
Hey, hey. OVERLAPPING SHOUTING
If I fuck you up
SHOUTING CONTINUES
Kyazike! Kyazike, Kyazike.
But if I had Kyazike!
Kyazike, we're leaving.
So you're kicking out the
black guys, bruv, what?!
She ain't gonna
give you her number!
So your name's Chi
Da Kidd, right?
A rapper. Yeah!
OK. Um, so how do
you, like, eat?
And like, pay bills?
And stay warm? Babe, my mixtape
is hot enough for the both of us.
Oh, OK. Innit? Mm-hm. Hm!
But obviously, I'm just working
at Claire's Accessories right now.
Till the rap ting blows up.
MOUTHS: No.
OK! What's the staff
discount saying?
I know you're gonna like
that. 50% off for you, innit?
Peckham, you know?
The place where dancehall
music finally goes to die.
I am not doing diaspora wars
with you. Right, uh-huh.
50 Ah!
Hmm!
Got me losing my composure
around you and that. OK. Um
Let me get two number
sixteens, please. Two sixteens?
Yeah. Sure. Thank you.
Clean break, Queenie.
ECHOING VOICE: You will always be
stupid, just like your mother. What?
HEARTBEAT POUNDS
What? What the fuck
did you just say? I
I-I just said why you still
chasing man that left you homeless?
I It was just a
joke. I was just joking.
Oh.
Sorry, I
I thought I heard you
say something else.
Um
It's like six months and
then I think I'll probably
be on that phone
Forgot your juice.
Listen Thank you. Now, I
know for a fact Tom's having
a good time right now. You
should be trying to do the same.
IN BACKGROUND:
OK. QUEENIE SIGHS
Frank's right.
PHONE PINGS, WOLF WHISTLE
I think I'm gonna be
like Jay-Z or something. Oh. OK.
BACKGROUND CHATTER
SOFT R'N'B MUSIC PLAYS
If Tom needs space and
I need distractions,
I know just the person.
Not every day, bruv
Look at Look at everyone
is starting with their salad.
I'm not gonna lie,
it's time to dip.
It's getting late, and I
need my eight hours. Mm.
What you saying, you want a lift?
You could stay at mine if you want.
No, I'm good. Uh,
my Uber's here.
Make sure you call me when
you reach home safe, yeah?
Yes, Auntie. OK.
MUSIC BOOMS FROM CAR
You man ever seen an
Uber like that? No. Nope.
Hey, big batty
gyal, good evening.
I can see that your chicken
needs seasoning. Shh!
Oh, God. Am I really doing this?
What? White not hitting
it right? right?
What, you're trying to get
down with the brown, yeah?
Can you just drive, please?
Why are you in the back for?
Just wanted to be different.
Say nada, my G.
Kissing is way off the
menu. Too intimate.
You You just wanna
get straight to it, yeah?
Sorry. Long johns?
What, is it 1895? Adi,
why are you wearing those?
Allow it, man.
It's cold outside.
Oh, my God.
What do you think?
SHE CHUCKLES
Circumcised. It's really
been a day of firsts for me.
You wanna touch it, yeah?
It's so interesting how weird
dick feels when it's just a penis,
an anatomical penis
from a science book
and not the familiar and less
hostile dick of the person you love.
HE MOANS
It's called The Destroyer.
And guess what?
What?
The Destroyer wants to
be in your mouth. No! No.
Jeez. What's that mean? Does
that mean I can go straight in,
then, yeah, or is
that off limits, too?
Is this a good idea? Hmm?
If you're still longing for
your white man, I got no problem
with dropping you
off to him right now.
No, no, no, no. No No.
We're We're doing this, yeah?
Jee-e-e-ez!
OK, this is me.
Finally stepping my pussy up.
Jee-e-e-e-z!