Remington Steele (1982) s01e02 Episode Script
Tempered Steele
Coach convinced me to install a security system.
We'll start in the morning.
- For a few days' work for, say, um, $10,000? - $10,000? - Your men are very efficient.
- The best in the business.
Are you sure they know what they're doing? I am personally supervising this entire operation.
What could possibly go wrong? [Loud Sawing.]
[Gasping.]
We don't have the budget to cut up every junkie that pigs out on smack.
That stiff That stiff was my friend.
You've got a lot of explaining to do.
L-I know that guy! That's Remington Steele! - [Laura.]
No.
! No.
- It's a setup.
- Grab him, Murphy! - Shouldn't we be calling the police? - Call the police.
- I assure you, Mr.
Meecham I'm gonna sue your agency till it comes up as dry as my last oil well.
[Laura.]
Try this for a deep, dark secret The great detective Remington Steele? He doesn't exist.
I invented him.
Follow I always loved excitement.
So I studied and apprenticed and put my name on an office.
But absolutely nobody knocked down my door.
A female private investigator seemed so feminine.
So I invented a superior.
A decidedly masculine superior.
Suddenly, there were cases around the block.
It was working like a charm.
Until the day he walked in with his blue eyes and mysterious past.
And before I knew it he assumed Remington Steele's identity.
Now I do the work, and he takes the bows.
It's a dangerous way to live but as long as people buy it I can get thejob done.
We never mix business with pleasure.
Well, almost never.
I don't even know his real name.
Thanks.
Thanks.
[Low Whistle.]
Avocado on seven grain with alfalfa sprouts.
Mmm.
Must be yours.
Corned beef and pastrami on a kaiser with horseradish and sauerkraut.
Mmm! Must be yours.
[Loud Scream.]
- [Grunts.]
- You all right? - What is it? Him! Look at those bills! One round-trip chartered jet to Las Vegas $2,000.
One evening gown by Louis of Beverly Hills $6,000.
You know, he's bought her enough flowers to open a botanical garden! - Who? - Her! Nadine the peroxide piranha.
But I thought that was his assignment keep her out of the way until you settled the Randall case.
I hate to admit it, but he seems to be doing an excellent job.
I mean, we haven't seen Nadine in weeks.
We haven't seen Mr.
Steele either and the case has been closed for three days! - Guess he got a little carried away.
- We may never see him again unless his credit or his stamina runs out.
- We know he was in San Francisco two days ago.
- How do we know? - We just got a bill from Ernie's.
- Ooh! Oh! Hold it, Laura.
Calm down, huh? We've got to do something to get his attention.
- ¢Ü¢Û¢Ü¢Û[Piano: : Romantic.]
- [Steele.]
Uh-uh, Nadine.
Never bite.
Always nibble.
- More champagne? - Mm.
- Anything? - Just a cozy place to do some serious nibbling.
- Yes, Mr.
Steele? - Check, please.
Yes, sir.
Sorry, Mr.
Steele, but I'm afraid your account has been closed.
- Closed? - Yes, sir.
Oh.
Very well.
- [Credit Card Slaps.]
- Thank you, sir.
You have made this evening so extraordinarily special.
I'm going to do something I've never done before.
Oh, I hope so.
- A forget-me-not.
- Oh.
Remington.
I'm sorry, Mr.
Steele but I have orders to confiscate your credit card.
- What? - I don't know anything about it, sir.
All they said was that I had to confiscate the card.
Then how am I supposed to settle this? - You could try cash, sir.
- Cash? I never carry cash.
It's so bulky.
I have some money.
- Wow.
[Gasps.]
- Now you've upset the lady.
- I'm terribly sorry, sir.
- If I weren't so annoyed, I'd be embarrassed.
Allow me to repay you over breakfast in the morning, my dear.
Uh.
Claude will have to be taken care of too.
- This all right? - More than adequate.
Thank you, Mr.
Steele.
- Should I, uh - Uh, just a few dollars.
[Clears Throat.]
- Thank you, Mr.
Steele.
- Yeah.
[Blows.]
Mr.
Steele.
- Miss Wolfe.
- [Whispering.]
Foxe.
Mr.
Steele.
It's a pleasure, sir.
I'm Liebowitz.
You know, the Morton matter.
Ah, yes, yes.
A very complex situation.
But it's been resolved.
Uh, complex but easily resolved.
- Miss Wolfe.
- Foxe.
- What? - I'm a Foxe, not a Wolfe.
Bernice Foxe.
- Call me Wolfe one more time, I'll tell Laura you're - Where is she? - Out.
- I can see that.
Where? - That's not for publication.
- You don't seem to grasp the gravity of the situation.
She has closed my checking account.
I am on the brink of financial, not to mention physical oblivion.
- I'll give her the message.
- Very well, Miss Whatever.
How would you like me to personally handle every one of those cases out there? You wouldn't.
Where is she? At a motel on Pico.
- ¢Ü¢Û¢Ü¢Û[Jazz On Radio.]
- [Laughing.]
This is a first for me.
Yeah? Well, you're going to learn to love it.
[Sighs.]
Oh.
If my husband ever found out about this, he'd kill us both.
Well, I won't tell if, uh, you won't.
- [Loud Whisper.]
What is he saying? - Keep talkin', creep.
We already know he's behind it.
Why can't we just call the police? He's gotta ask her to steal the information from your company.
The minute he does, we'll grab him.
- ¢Ü¢Û¢Ü¢Û[Continues.]
- [Exhales.]
Maybe I'll take the rest of the day off.
Uh-uh, baby.
Because your job is going to make us a lot of money.
[Chuckling.]
What do you mean? [Chuckling.]
Well, you see, it's, uh it's like this.
You get me some material You've got a lot of explaining to do.
- What are you doing here? - Are you the husband, fella? - You closed my checking account! - We'll talk about it later.
Hey! W-Wait a minute.
L-I know that guy.
- No, you don't.
- Yeah, I do.
That's Remington Steele.
- [Laura.]
Remington Steele? No.
- It's a setup! - [Whispering.]
What's happening in there? - Don't ask! - Whoa.
- Grab him, Murphy! Shouldn't we be calling the police? - [Laura.]
Murphy.
! - [Steele.]
We're not finished.
! [Grunting, Struggling.]
Will somebody please tell me what's happening? [Groaning.]
- A slight change of plans, Mr.
Dillon.
- [Murphy.]
Hey.
! Why don't you go back to your office and I will give you a complete update in about an hour.
Well, at least it's reassuring to know that Mr.
Steele is personally involved.
[Groans.]
Three weeks playing secretary for nothing! If you'd tell me what cases I'm supposed to be working on I wouldn't have found myself in this embarrassing situation.
You're not working on any cases anymore! Gratitude is not one of your strong suits.
After all I've done for you this is how you repay me cutting off my credit, closing my checking account? You spent $22,000 in a single month a month that doesn't even have 31 days in it.
You asked me to keep Nadine occupied.
Long-stemmed roses, $200-an-ounce perfume, designer gowns.
Perhaps I did go a bit overboard, but it's for the good of the agency.
Well, for the good of the agency, from now on we discuss all expenditures in advance.
Fine.
But I've written checks to people who don't even take checks.
They have names like Bruno and Guido and they do some of their best work in cement.
What kind of shady enterprise are you involved in this time? Danny's Dessert some of the finest horseflesh ever to grace a quarter-mile turn.
Spare me.
The horse comes up lame.
Bruno and his boys want to unload him.
So I put together a group of investors to turn him out to stud.
Thank you.
I'll try to convince Mr.
Dillon that your barging in here was another brilliant Remington Steele tactic.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.
- Thank you.
Uh, what about Danny's Dessert? Buy him some Ben-Gay.
[Buzzing.]
Bruno.
It's just as I suspected.
- Bookkeeping boggle.
- Good to see you, Mr.
Steele.
- I'm - Interrupting.
- I told him you weren't Bruno, do I detect a note of disbelief in your voice? - Stiff? - [Door Closes.]
In what context are you using that word, Bruno? [Uneasy Chuckle.]
Ah, that context.
Noon tomorrow? I'm not sure that my bank - can transfer the funds by - [Phone Line Clicks, Dial Tone.]
Jim Meecham Meecham Exploration and Development.
- Let's huddle.
- See Miss Holt.
She huddles.
I never scrimmage with second-stringers.
My playbook looks like this.
I'm in oil and natural gas, based out of Oklahoma City.
My pencil pusher says diversify so I bought into Dillon Electronics.
Only it seems like ever since I been on that team, it's been third-and-long.
Somebody's been red-doggin' us.
- We don't handle animal cases.
- You're already handlin' this one.
Dillon Jr.
Hired you folks to find out who's stealin'our research.
They were just about to sack the guy in a motel.
Only some airhead busted up the play.
Competent help is hard to find in any profession.
That's why I want you quarterbacking this operation, Mr.
Steele.
It's time to stop pussyfootin' around motels and get to the bottom of this thing.
I, uh, never involve myself directly in a case.
I function best in an advisory capacity.
I subscribe to the George Steinbrenner philosophy of life.
If you want a piece of talent, you buy it.
$25,000 cashier's check.
Made payable to you.
Miss Wolfe, hold my calls.
I'll be in conference.
Thank you.
Mayday.
[Laughter, Muffled.]
[Meecham, Steele Laughing Loudly.]
- Excuse me, Mr.
Steele.
- Ah, come in, Miss Holt.
Come in.
Meech was just telling me about the time he wildcatted up Alaska way.
Uh, Jim Meecham [Clears Throat.]
Laura Holt.
- The tanglefoot from the motel.
- Now, Meech, let's not blitz her buns.
Miss Holt is one of my finest operatives.
Oh, you're too kind, Mr.
Steele.
We're watching the young man's apartment in case he shows up.
Why, that's just fine for the taxi squad but the coach here just convinced me that the only way to stop all these thefts is to install a complete security system.
We'll start first thing in the morning.
May I respectfully remind you, Mr.
Steele that your enormous responsibilities preclude any personal involvement Now, little lady, when I buy seats on the 50-yard line I expect to see the first team play.
You let the coach do what he does best, and you Well, you just do whatever it is you do around here.
I'll just doggie-bag this.
See you later, Steele.
- Are you crazy? - He insisted I handle the case.
- Insisted, my foot.
You couldn't even install a lightbulb.
- Piece of cake.
You're beginning to believe your own publicity.
You are not Remington Steele.
I invented Remington Steele.
He's a figment of my imagination.
I didn't ask you to put my face in your figment.
Do you have any idea how draining it is to be Remington Steele? It must be agonyliving in an apartment I've only seen in the movies.
- We make such a winning combination.
- We have a deal.
- Let's enjoy our success.
- I do the work.
You take the bows.
Allow our passions to erupt into something outrageously fulfilling.
You mean hop in the sack? A little crude, but to the point.
- Love to.
- Well, then? - But I can't.
- Why not? It's tough enough pulling off this little charade without that kind of complication.
As long as we're in business, let's keep it businesslike.
Uh, tell old Meech that the press of other commitments forces you to turn Dillon Electronics over to Murphy and me.
- Love to, but I can't.
- Why not? I gave my word, and everyone knows that Remington Steele's word is his bond.
[No Audible Dialogue.]
Carry on, Miss Wolfe.
That's the worst part of it feelin' sorry for yourselves.
Nobody loves me.
Nobody cares about me except my bottle or my needle.
Oh, yeah.
I know what I'm talkin'about because I know it's gonna be hard to believe but I used to be just like you.
Shootin' up all day and pukin' up all night.
Yeah.
Then I got the message.
There is and was somebody who cared about me the big "C.
" Jesus Christ himself.
I mean, you are lookin' at a living, breathing testimony to the powers of the big fella.
I mean to tell ya, ifhe can lfhe can keep me straight for three years he sure as hell can do the same thing for you bunch of bums.
Why don't you all, uh, get yourself somethin' to eat? - Well, if it ain't my old - Shh, shh, shh.
Remington Steele Detective Agency? - How'd you wind up a detective? - I had the face for it.
- Sure not like the old days, huh - [Clears Throat.]
Uh, Remington.
Sorry.
What a moniker.
I am in desperate need of your talents, Wallace.
Uh, I'm not in that line of endeavor anymore.
- The big fella frowns on it.
- Nothing remotely tainted, I assure you.
Since you've, uh, circumvented so many burglar alarms I thought you'd, uh, be just the chap to install one.
- Sort of poetic justice.
- I don't know.
If I'm not around here, this place turns into a shootin' gallery.
For a few day's work for, say, um, $10,000? $10,000? What I could do for these bums with 10 grand.
My tailor.
Have him whip you up something conservative yet dernier cri.
Charge it to my account.
New name or not, you're the same old highflier.
[Bernice.]
I'm back.
Homework.
Surveillance on Marlene York, insurance description of the Ragotzy jewelry and the wrap-up on the Morton case.
Don't you get enough of the real thing? What? Oh, I happened to come across it on my desk.
Hey, this is me.
Remember? The belle of the ball.
The life of the party.
I've seen that look before.
I've even had it a few times myself.
Who is he? - What was he before he was Remington Steele? - Who cares? He's here.
You're here.
Go for it.
- Then what? - Depends on what you're looking for.
Me, I'm all partied out.
What I want is a slightly dull, filthy-rich husband.
But if I were in the market for a heart-stopping, teeth-rattling eye-rolling fling [Imitates Gunshot.]
You know, it's not just the free ride that keeps this clown around.
It's the challenge.
I'm probably the only woman he's ever met who didn't tumble right into bed with him.
Not a bad way to break the ice.
Yeah.
Hmm.
But I can barely keep him in line now.
Can you imagine what he'd be like if we turn that corner? Might be fun finding out.
I've worked too hard to risk everything just to get my teeth rattled.
- So, where does that leave you? - Mm.
Oh.
Itchy.
[Man On Radio.]
Local dispatcher to Truck Number 10.
On your clearance ticket to Santa Barbara be sure to fill in total mileage and time for entire round-trip.
- Over.
- [Machinery Buzzing, Whirring.]
[Horn Blows.]
- [Hammering.]
- [People Chattering.]
[Man.]
Joe, throw me a tape measure, will ya? Your men are very efficient.
- The best in the business.
- Right.
Tell me, Wallace.
- Where did you first meet Mr.
Steele? - Diplomatic corps.
- [Clears Throat.]
Excuse me? - In Paris it was.
Spring of'77.
Or was it '78? No, no.
Seventy-nine.
That was a good year.
Are you sure it wasn't Dannemora or Leavenworth? - Rats.
- What? They got rats in the Seine big as Volkswagens.
- [Man.]
Hey, Al.
Give me a hand over here.
- Yeah.
Huh.
Are you sure they know what they're doing? Between them, they've over 75 years of experience.
Who are you? Where did you come from? [Scoffing Chuckle.]
Humphrey Bogart to Ingrid Bergman.
Casablanca.
Warner Bros.
1942.
This is no time to be quoting old movies.
- Then stop asking old questions.
- Tea time.
You wanna swill some of this, honey? Thank you, Mrs.
Dillon.
Hanna.
Oh, what a mess.
Packy's probably doin' a three-sixty.
- Packy? - My late husband PatrickJoseph.
We started Dillon Electronics making gyroscopes for the navy in our basement.
[Chuckles.]
Tastes like raw crude, don't it? Yeah.
Packy had it special-blended.
Couldn't stand it myself while he was alive.
But now, it Well, it kinda keeps me close to him.
- Your son seems to be carrying on in the family tradition.
- [No Audible Dialogue.]
Rodger? He's carrying on, all right.
Why the hell are we cartin' all this stuff up here? Stop and smell the flowers.
Santa Barbara's lovely this time of year.
- It seems bush keeping research in a house.
- Dillon's orders.
He may run the company, but the old lady still runs him.
She thinks it's too risky at the plant.
Now, Meech, I am personally supervising this entire operation.
What could possibly go wrong? [Muffled Sawing.]
- [Bells Ringing.]
- [Alarms Blaring.]
[People Shouting, Indistinct.]
The key.
- [Bells, Alarms Stop.]
- [Laughing.]
- [Woman.]
Remington, you - Gentlemen.
If the men who installed the system cannot breach it then I'd have to say it's foolproof.
You've gotta admit he pulled it off.
[Knocking Continues.]
Guess what.
[Sucks Teeth.]
Oh, my.
[Birds Chirping Outdoors.]
Well, don't everybody stand around like it's a time-out.
- Call the police.
- No! No.
No.
If this gets out, we'll lose our government contracts.
You install $50,000 worth of equipment and somebodyjust turns off the main switch and walks out the front door.
You mean this was an insidejob? You're all-pro material, Dillon.
Wallace is gone.
- Where? - South.
I assure you, Mr.
Meecham.
We will get back I'm gonna sue your agency till it comes up as dry as my last oil well.
It seems to me, um [Chuckles.]
We got off on the wrong foot this morning.
You're driving me crazy.
[Nick Charles.]
The murderer is right in this room, sitting at this table.
Why, you dirty little - [Women Screaming.]
- There's your murderer.
- [Nora.]
Nicky, he might have killed you.
! - You sorry he didn't? [Tapping On Keyboard.]
- [Taps Keyboard.]
- [Phone Rings.]
- Hello.
- Steele here.
- What do you want? - Are you alone? No.
Wallace and I are sitting here making paper airplanes out of the research he stole.
That's what I love about you.
No matter how bleak the situation, you never lose your sense of humor.
Does one of us have a reason that I'm talking to you? I think I'm onto something that could change the entire complexion of the case.
- You're leaving town.
- My car will be at your apartment in 45 minutes.
- That give you enough time? - To do what? Make yourself presentable.
We're having dinner.
- Oh, no, we're not having - [Dial Tone.]
- Mr.
Steele's table, please.
- Oh, yes.
This way, please.
Thank you.
All right.
I'm here.
What startling news do you have for me? I'm paying for dinner? You said you had something to tell me about the Dillon case.
- I have.
- Well? - Wallace didn't do it.
- [Pouring Drink.]
- How do you know? - He's of the old school, where there's honor amongst thieves.
- He'd never rip off a fellow miscreant.
- Then where is he? He'll turn up.
That's it? Your foolproof security system lasts exactly three hours and 15 minutes the agency is looking at a $10-million lawsuit I haven't got a clue to where that missing file is and you drag me halfway across town to tell me he'll turn up? Sit down.
There's something I want you to know, Laura.
You're good.
This Dillon thing is merely a temporary setback.
I don't want you, for one moment, to lose heart or confidence because you are a skilled, resourceful and often brilliant investigator.
I've had an opportunity to observe your talents first-hand and I am terribly impressed.
You're practical yet intuitive.
You can see the large canvas without missing the small detail.
Have I said something wrong? I hate it when you're nice to me.
What do I call you when we're alone? Well, I'm quite used to the name that you came up with.
It's from a typewriter and a football team.
Then pick one.
I've probably used it.
[Laughing.]
You know, Murphy thinks you're an international swindler or, at the very least, an ax murderer.
- [Laughing.]
- Hmm.
[Claude.]
Excusez-moi, Miss Holt.
- Telephone for you in the foyer, please.
- Thank you.
- Would you permit me an observation, Mr.
Steele? - Certainly, Claude.
This young lady is by far the finest of a staggering array.
You have exquisite taste, Claude.
Uh, does monsieur intend to bestow a nameplate on her too? Possibly.
They're solid brass, you know and I'm afraid your largesse is beginning to run into big bucks.
Well, if I do, it could very well be the last one I dispense.
Wallace turned up.
- Where did they find him? - Where they find most of them Main Street.
Needle still in his arm, five grand in his sock.
- He must have been celebrating his good fortune.
- He wasn't an addict.
Take a look at those arms.
You could run the Southern Pacific on those tracks.
They're old, at least three years.
- When is the autopsy? - Ever heard of Proposition 13? We don't have the budget to cut up every junkie that pigs out on smack.
You want an autopsy? You get this stiff to your own pathologist.
That stiff once made 27 straight passes in a crap game.
He had a daughter he put through college he liked to fish off King's Point, and he read "The Wizard of Id.
" That stiff was my friend.
Harry.
Harry.
Tonight, you look like a Harry.
[Exhales.]
He didn't wanna do this job.
I soaped him into it.
It wasn't your fault.
Someone planted the money on him to make it appear he sold the papers then killed him.
I'm gonna find that someone.
We'll do it together.
I'll get the front, William.
You get the back.
[Chattering.]
What are we doing here? The minute anything happens down here, everybody knows it.
Let's see what they know about Wallace's death.
Ah, see? I told you.
- What? - You're good.
- Might as well start with them.
- Mm.
How's it goin'? - Excuse me.
Um - [Moaning.]
Excuse me.
Pity about Wallace.
Wallace the fella who ran the mission.
Dead, you know.
[Gulps, Mutters.]
[Object Clatters.]
Hello? [Gasps.]
[Groaning, Choking.]
[Struggling, Gasping.]
- [Coughing.]
- Laura, are you all right? Are you okay? [Coughing.]
Car.
Fred! Block the alley! - [Engine Starts.]
- [Honks Horn.]
- Block the alley! - [Continues Honking Horn.]
[Tires Screeching.]
[Men Muttering.]
[Coughs.]
Did you get the license number? Right here.
How did you know I was in trouble? Actually, I was looking for a pencil.
- Thank you so much for coming, Mr.
Meecham.
- This better be good, Miss Holt.
[Chuckles, Clears Throat.]
What was that, dear? No.
No, no, no.
It's, uh it's all right.
I'll, uh, wait for you out here.
[Clears Throat.]
Takes her forever to get dressed.
Without the research, all you got's a dead thief.
Or a murder victim.
We're waiting for the autopsy report.
[Tumbler Clicks.]
Six, two and even Dillon's the one who's stealing our research.
Why do you say that? Only reason I got my cleats into that company is 'cause he ran it into the ground.
Thank you, honey.
He's a rookie with a penchant for polo ponies, blackjack tables and little pieces of fluff who collect expensive jewelry.
Been nice talkin' to you, Laura.
Uh, wait.
We're not finished yet.
I got my lawyer comin' by with the papers in my suit against your agency.
[Rings.]
- Answer the phone.
- [Line Ringing.]
- [Ringing.]
- Hello.
- [Lowers Voice.]
Who's this? - Who's this? [Line Clicks.]
- Good afternoon, Miss Wolfe.
- You're getting to be a regular fixture around here.
- Any word on that license plate? - They're still running it through the D.
M.
V.
Computer but Murphy's on the phone with the pathologist.
Yeah.
Spell that for me.
Right.
Thanks, Doc.
Call me when you're finished, okay? Well, what do you know? He was right.
Wallace didn't O.
D.
On junk.
He was literally relaxed to death.
Injected with a form of orphenadrine citrate a muscle relaxant, the kind used on horses.
- Dillon's into polo.
- There are stables in back of the house.
- Anything else? - They're going over the contents of Wallace's stomach now.
- That should be done by the end of the day.
- Aha! Not only do we know how and where the murder took place, but who committed it.
- Oh, yeah? - We do? - Absolutely.
Meecham.
His briefcase is bulging with plans to tear down Dillon Electronics and build an industrial park not a bad incentive to bankrupt a company.
- Don't forget Rodger Dillon.
- I think I'm getting the hang of this.
According to Meecham, he needed a lot of cash to float his lifestyle.
Remember Mrs.
Dilloninsisting everything be moved to the house.
That made it a helluva lot easier to steal.
- My money's on Meecham.
Let's nab him.
- [Mouthing Words.]
- I told you this was a mistake.
- We need a little thing called evidence which means that somebody is going to have to get back into that house.
Leave everything to me.
- [Door Opens, Closes.]
- That is a lot more frightening than "Let's nab him.
" Hope you got major medical.
Now, Meech, polo is a contest where gentlemen exhibit the finest qualities of horsemanship and fair play.
- Blow it out your ear.
- Meecham I didn't know you played polo.
Charles and I used to have a go at it whenever I was in London.
- [Grunts.]
- Charles? Now that he's married, we don't play as often as we'd like to.
Thank you.
Happy snooping.
I like your boss.
He has the same kind of flair Packy had.
A little reckless maybe, but lots of sauce.
- Why do you say that? - Rodger's a world-class player.
Well, it's only a game.
Not for 25,000 bucks it ain't.
- 25,000 bucks? - That's what he bet Rodger and Meecham.
- 25,000? - Each.
[Whimpers.]
- [Men Shouting, Indistinct.]
- Come on, Dillon! Get after it! Dillon, move it.
! [Horse Neighs.]
[Kissing.]
Come on.
- [Man.]
Stay with him.
! - Yahoo! Yeah! Sorry, Steele.
Didn't mean to miss ya.
[Horse Neighs.]
[Sniffs.]
[Meecham.]
Come on, Dillon.
! Get in there.
! [Meecham Muttering.]
- Friends of yours? - Rodger's new partners.
- In the electronics company? - No.
Some joint venture.
You don't sound too pleased about it, Mrs.
Dillon.
Rodger calls the shots now.
[Grunts, Groaning.]
- [Groans.]
- Shall we count this as a time-out, gentlemen? - [Exhales.]
- [Clucks Tongue.]
I'm not even going to ask if you know what you're doing.
I know precisely what I'm doing.
William Powell did exactly the same thing in The Thin Man invited all the suspects to a dinner party reconstructed the crime and exposed the murderer.
And may I say, you make a splendid Myrna Loy.
Don't be so cocky.
You're just lucky Dillon and Meecham had to forfeit the match.
Where did you think you'd get $50,000 if you'd lost? - [Doorbell Chimes.]
- I had no intention of losing.
[Clears Throat.]
The completed autopsy report.
Take a peek at page five.
Couldn't you have worn something slightly more appropriate? No.
I didn't have time to change.
Okay, let's get the show on the road.
Well, I'm glad to see that you're finally into the spirit of the evening.
[Chattering.]
[Clears Throat.]
To our guests.
May the conversation be as interesting as the company.
Wallace obviously discovered the killer removing the research from the library.
There was a fierce struggle.
The killer hit Wallace repeatedly.
What Mr.
Steele means is that it could have happened that way, but didn't since the autopsy found no bruises or abrasions on Wallace's body.
- Whatever.
The point is the killer dragged - Lured.
Wallace to the stable where he was injected with a massive overdose of muscle relaxant.
The same type found in this vial using a needle exactly like this one both of which were found in your stable, Mr.
Dillon.
Then the killer transported Wallace's unconscious body to Main Street hoping it would appear that he died of a drug overdose.
Your food is wonderful, but [Chuckling.]
Your theory's absurd.
- None of us has a reason to steal from ourselves.
- [Steele.]
Wrong.
One of you had the strongest possible reason.
Money enormous amounts of the stuff.
Isn't that right, Meecham? And of course, as you pointed out, Mr.
Steele Rodger Dillon had an equally strong motive.
I don't remember pointing that out.
Of course you do, when you learned of his association with those gentlemen at the polo match.
Those gentlemen have nothing to do with Dillon Electronics.
- Why was one of them searching Wallace's room? - Excuse me.
Tell me, Meecham, when Dillon Electronics went under did you plan to buy up the rest of the company? - Damn right.
- You'll never get your hands on my company, Meecham.
Try this, Mrs.
Dillon.
It's only a matter of time till you'll have to punt, Dillon.
Then I'm gonna run with the ball.
How's the tea, Mrs.
Dillon? Tastes like the kind I drink.
It is the kind you drink.
I didn't know anyone else had that recipe.
Ladies, could we shelve the tea talk and get back to business? You wanted that land for an industrial park, didn't you? - You got it.
- Then you admit it.
- I admit I was gonna build an industrial park.
- Where did you get the recipe? - But then you already knew that, didn't you, Steele? - You brewed Wallace a cup - 'Cause you went through my hotel room - right before you killed him.
And that's called breaking and entering.
Sit down.
- [Shrieks.]
- [Murphy.]
Easy, Mrs.
Dillon.
- What the hell's goin' on here? - You little wimp.
- Tell them what business your new partners are in.
- Mother, shut up! They peddle classified American technology to the highest bidder.
Did you think I was gonna let you sell them our discoveries just to keep you in more toys? I'd rather see the company go under than have it run by a traitor.
Mother, you're gonna get us both hung.
I didn't want to hurt that poor man but hejust couldn't understand what I was trying to do.
You saved my life, Steele.
- I thought you were gonna accuse me of the murder.
- You? Don't be absurd.
Awful quick thinkin', buddy.
Well, what else do you expect from Remington Steele? [Steele.]
Really, Laura, this is shocking.
If I were you, I'd have a word with the press.
Do you realize not one of these stories mentions your name? One learns to live with it.
That was nice, donating the money you won in that polo match to Wallace's mission.
He was a nice man [Chuckles.]
And a hell of a burglar.
I think the entire staff can be rather proud of this one.
The entire staff thanks you.
However, there is one small thing that puzzles me.
How did I know it was Mrs.
Dillon and not her son? - Or Meecham.
Remember? - Or Meecham.
She was the only one who drank that tea.
And when it turned up in the stable and Wallace's stomach [Fingers Snap.]
God, I'm good.
[Mews.]
We'll start in the morning.
- For a few days' work for, say, um, $10,000? - $10,000? - Your men are very efficient.
- The best in the business.
Are you sure they know what they're doing? I am personally supervising this entire operation.
What could possibly go wrong? [Loud Sawing.]
[Gasping.]
We don't have the budget to cut up every junkie that pigs out on smack.
That stiff That stiff was my friend.
You've got a lot of explaining to do.
L-I know that guy! That's Remington Steele! - [Laura.]
No.
! No.
- It's a setup.
- Grab him, Murphy! - Shouldn't we be calling the police? - Call the police.
- I assure you, Mr.
Meecham I'm gonna sue your agency till it comes up as dry as my last oil well.
[Laura.]
Try this for a deep, dark secret The great detective Remington Steele? He doesn't exist.
I invented him.
Follow I always loved excitement.
So I studied and apprenticed and put my name on an office.
But absolutely nobody knocked down my door.
A female private investigator seemed so feminine.
So I invented a superior.
A decidedly masculine superior.
Suddenly, there were cases around the block.
It was working like a charm.
Until the day he walked in with his blue eyes and mysterious past.
And before I knew it he assumed Remington Steele's identity.
Now I do the work, and he takes the bows.
It's a dangerous way to live but as long as people buy it I can get thejob done.
We never mix business with pleasure.
Well, almost never.
I don't even know his real name.
Thanks.
Thanks.
[Low Whistle.]
Avocado on seven grain with alfalfa sprouts.
Mmm.
Must be yours.
Corned beef and pastrami on a kaiser with horseradish and sauerkraut.
Mmm! Must be yours.
[Loud Scream.]
- [Grunts.]
- You all right? - What is it? Him! Look at those bills! One round-trip chartered jet to Las Vegas $2,000.
One evening gown by Louis of Beverly Hills $6,000.
You know, he's bought her enough flowers to open a botanical garden! - Who? - Her! Nadine the peroxide piranha.
But I thought that was his assignment keep her out of the way until you settled the Randall case.
I hate to admit it, but he seems to be doing an excellent job.
I mean, we haven't seen Nadine in weeks.
We haven't seen Mr.
Steele either and the case has been closed for three days! - Guess he got a little carried away.
- We may never see him again unless his credit or his stamina runs out.
- We know he was in San Francisco two days ago.
- How do we know? - We just got a bill from Ernie's.
- Ooh! Oh! Hold it, Laura.
Calm down, huh? We've got to do something to get his attention.
- ¢Ü¢Û¢Ü¢Û[Piano: : Romantic.]
- [Steele.]
Uh-uh, Nadine.
Never bite.
Always nibble.
- More champagne? - Mm.
- Anything? - Just a cozy place to do some serious nibbling.
- Yes, Mr.
Steele? - Check, please.
Yes, sir.
Sorry, Mr.
Steele, but I'm afraid your account has been closed.
- Closed? - Yes, sir.
Oh.
Very well.
- [Credit Card Slaps.]
- Thank you, sir.
You have made this evening so extraordinarily special.
I'm going to do something I've never done before.
Oh, I hope so.
- A forget-me-not.
- Oh.
Remington.
I'm sorry, Mr.
Steele but I have orders to confiscate your credit card.
- What? - I don't know anything about it, sir.
All they said was that I had to confiscate the card.
Then how am I supposed to settle this? - You could try cash, sir.
- Cash? I never carry cash.
It's so bulky.
I have some money.
- Wow.
[Gasps.]
- Now you've upset the lady.
- I'm terribly sorry, sir.
- If I weren't so annoyed, I'd be embarrassed.
Allow me to repay you over breakfast in the morning, my dear.
Uh.
Claude will have to be taken care of too.
- This all right? - More than adequate.
Thank you, Mr.
Steele.
- Should I, uh - Uh, just a few dollars.
[Clears Throat.]
- Thank you, Mr.
Steele.
- Yeah.
[Blows.]
Mr.
Steele.
- Miss Wolfe.
- [Whispering.]
Foxe.
Mr.
Steele.
It's a pleasure, sir.
I'm Liebowitz.
You know, the Morton matter.
Ah, yes, yes.
A very complex situation.
But it's been resolved.
Uh, complex but easily resolved.
- Miss Wolfe.
- Foxe.
- What? - I'm a Foxe, not a Wolfe.
Bernice Foxe.
- Call me Wolfe one more time, I'll tell Laura you're - Where is she? - Out.
- I can see that.
Where? - That's not for publication.
- You don't seem to grasp the gravity of the situation.
She has closed my checking account.
I am on the brink of financial, not to mention physical oblivion.
- I'll give her the message.
- Very well, Miss Whatever.
How would you like me to personally handle every one of those cases out there? You wouldn't.
Where is she? At a motel on Pico.
- ¢Ü¢Û¢Ü¢Û[Jazz On Radio.]
- [Laughing.]
This is a first for me.
Yeah? Well, you're going to learn to love it.
[Sighs.]
Oh.
If my husband ever found out about this, he'd kill us both.
Well, I won't tell if, uh, you won't.
- [Loud Whisper.]
What is he saying? - Keep talkin', creep.
We already know he's behind it.
Why can't we just call the police? He's gotta ask her to steal the information from your company.
The minute he does, we'll grab him.
- ¢Ü¢Û¢Ü¢Û[Continues.]
- [Exhales.]
Maybe I'll take the rest of the day off.
Uh-uh, baby.
Because your job is going to make us a lot of money.
[Chuckling.]
What do you mean? [Chuckling.]
Well, you see, it's, uh it's like this.
You get me some material You've got a lot of explaining to do.
- What are you doing here? - Are you the husband, fella? - You closed my checking account! - We'll talk about it later.
Hey! W-Wait a minute.
L-I know that guy.
- No, you don't.
- Yeah, I do.
That's Remington Steele.
- [Laura.]
Remington Steele? No.
- It's a setup! - [Whispering.]
What's happening in there? - Don't ask! - Whoa.
- Grab him, Murphy! Shouldn't we be calling the police? - [Laura.]
Murphy.
! - [Steele.]
We're not finished.
! [Grunting, Struggling.]
Will somebody please tell me what's happening? [Groaning.]
- A slight change of plans, Mr.
Dillon.
- [Murphy.]
Hey.
! Why don't you go back to your office and I will give you a complete update in about an hour.
Well, at least it's reassuring to know that Mr.
Steele is personally involved.
[Groans.]
Three weeks playing secretary for nothing! If you'd tell me what cases I'm supposed to be working on I wouldn't have found myself in this embarrassing situation.
You're not working on any cases anymore! Gratitude is not one of your strong suits.
After all I've done for you this is how you repay me cutting off my credit, closing my checking account? You spent $22,000 in a single month a month that doesn't even have 31 days in it.
You asked me to keep Nadine occupied.
Long-stemmed roses, $200-an-ounce perfume, designer gowns.
Perhaps I did go a bit overboard, but it's for the good of the agency.
Well, for the good of the agency, from now on we discuss all expenditures in advance.
Fine.
But I've written checks to people who don't even take checks.
They have names like Bruno and Guido and they do some of their best work in cement.
What kind of shady enterprise are you involved in this time? Danny's Dessert some of the finest horseflesh ever to grace a quarter-mile turn.
Spare me.
The horse comes up lame.
Bruno and his boys want to unload him.
So I put together a group of investors to turn him out to stud.
Thank you.
I'll try to convince Mr.
Dillon that your barging in here was another brilliant Remington Steele tactic.
- Uh-huh, uh-huh.
- Thank you.
Uh, what about Danny's Dessert? Buy him some Ben-Gay.
[Buzzing.]
Bruno.
It's just as I suspected.
- Bookkeeping boggle.
- Good to see you, Mr.
Steele.
- I'm - Interrupting.
- I told him you weren't Bruno, do I detect a note of disbelief in your voice? - Stiff? - [Door Closes.]
In what context are you using that word, Bruno? [Uneasy Chuckle.]
Ah, that context.
Noon tomorrow? I'm not sure that my bank - can transfer the funds by - [Phone Line Clicks, Dial Tone.]
Jim Meecham Meecham Exploration and Development.
- Let's huddle.
- See Miss Holt.
She huddles.
I never scrimmage with second-stringers.
My playbook looks like this.
I'm in oil and natural gas, based out of Oklahoma City.
My pencil pusher says diversify so I bought into Dillon Electronics.
Only it seems like ever since I been on that team, it's been third-and-long.
Somebody's been red-doggin' us.
- We don't handle animal cases.
- You're already handlin' this one.
Dillon Jr.
Hired you folks to find out who's stealin'our research.
They were just about to sack the guy in a motel.
Only some airhead busted up the play.
Competent help is hard to find in any profession.
That's why I want you quarterbacking this operation, Mr.
Steele.
It's time to stop pussyfootin' around motels and get to the bottom of this thing.
I, uh, never involve myself directly in a case.
I function best in an advisory capacity.
I subscribe to the George Steinbrenner philosophy of life.
If you want a piece of talent, you buy it.
$25,000 cashier's check.
Made payable to you.
Miss Wolfe, hold my calls.
I'll be in conference.
Thank you.
Mayday.
[Laughter, Muffled.]
[Meecham, Steele Laughing Loudly.]
- Excuse me, Mr.
Steele.
- Ah, come in, Miss Holt.
Come in.
Meech was just telling me about the time he wildcatted up Alaska way.
Uh, Jim Meecham [Clears Throat.]
Laura Holt.
- The tanglefoot from the motel.
- Now, Meech, let's not blitz her buns.
Miss Holt is one of my finest operatives.
Oh, you're too kind, Mr.
Steele.
We're watching the young man's apartment in case he shows up.
Why, that's just fine for the taxi squad but the coach here just convinced me that the only way to stop all these thefts is to install a complete security system.
We'll start first thing in the morning.
May I respectfully remind you, Mr.
Steele that your enormous responsibilities preclude any personal involvement Now, little lady, when I buy seats on the 50-yard line I expect to see the first team play.
You let the coach do what he does best, and you Well, you just do whatever it is you do around here.
I'll just doggie-bag this.
See you later, Steele.
- Are you crazy? - He insisted I handle the case.
- Insisted, my foot.
You couldn't even install a lightbulb.
- Piece of cake.
You're beginning to believe your own publicity.
You are not Remington Steele.
I invented Remington Steele.
He's a figment of my imagination.
I didn't ask you to put my face in your figment.
Do you have any idea how draining it is to be Remington Steele? It must be agonyliving in an apartment I've only seen in the movies.
- We make such a winning combination.
- We have a deal.
- Let's enjoy our success.
- I do the work.
You take the bows.
Allow our passions to erupt into something outrageously fulfilling.
You mean hop in the sack? A little crude, but to the point.
- Love to.
- Well, then? - But I can't.
- Why not? It's tough enough pulling off this little charade without that kind of complication.
As long as we're in business, let's keep it businesslike.
Uh, tell old Meech that the press of other commitments forces you to turn Dillon Electronics over to Murphy and me.
- Love to, but I can't.
- Why not? I gave my word, and everyone knows that Remington Steele's word is his bond.
[No Audible Dialogue.]
Carry on, Miss Wolfe.
That's the worst part of it feelin' sorry for yourselves.
Nobody loves me.
Nobody cares about me except my bottle or my needle.
Oh, yeah.
I know what I'm talkin'about because I know it's gonna be hard to believe but I used to be just like you.
Shootin' up all day and pukin' up all night.
Yeah.
Then I got the message.
There is and was somebody who cared about me the big "C.
" Jesus Christ himself.
I mean, you are lookin' at a living, breathing testimony to the powers of the big fella.
I mean to tell ya, ifhe can lfhe can keep me straight for three years he sure as hell can do the same thing for you bunch of bums.
Why don't you all, uh, get yourself somethin' to eat? - Well, if it ain't my old - Shh, shh, shh.
Remington Steele Detective Agency? - How'd you wind up a detective? - I had the face for it.
- Sure not like the old days, huh - [Clears Throat.]
Uh, Remington.
Sorry.
What a moniker.
I am in desperate need of your talents, Wallace.
Uh, I'm not in that line of endeavor anymore.
- The big fella frowns on it.
- Nothing remotely tainted, I assure you.
Since you've, uh, circumvented so many burglar alarms I thought you'd, uh, be just the chap to install one.
- Sort of poetic justice.
- I don't know.
If I'm not around here, this place turns into a shootin' gallery.
For a few day's work for, say, um, $10,000? $10,000? What I could do for these bums with 10 grand.
My tailor.
Have him whip you up something conservative yet dernier cri.
Charge it to my account.
New name or not, you're the same old highflier.
[Bernice.]
I'm back.
Homework.
Surveillance on Marlene York, insurance description of the Ragotzy jewelry and the wrap-up on the Morton case.
Don't you get enough of the real thing? What? Oh, I happened to come across it on my desk.
Hey, this is me.
Remember? The belle of the ball.
The life of the party.
I've seen that look before.
I've even had it a few times myself.
Who is he? - What was he before he was Remington Steele? - Who cares? He's here.
You're here.
Go for it.
- Then what? - Depends on what you're looking for.
Me, I'm all partied out.
What I want is a slightly dull, filthy-rich husband.
But if I were in the market for a heart-stopping, teeth-rattling eye-rolling fling [Imitates Gunshot.]
You know, it's not just the free ride that keeps this clown around.
It's the challenge.
I'm probably the only woman he's ever met who didn't tumble right into bed with him.
Not a bad way to break the ice.
Yeah.
Hmm.
But I can barely keep him in line now.
Can you imagine what he'd be like if we turn that corner? Might be fun finding out.
I've worked too hard to risk everything just to get my teeth rattled.
- So, where does that leave you? - Mm.
Oh.
Itchy.
[Man On Radio.]
Local dispatcher to Truck Number 10.
On your clearance ticket to Santa Barbara be sure to fill in total mileage and time for entire round-trip.
- Over.
- [Machinery Buzzing, Whirring.]
[Horn Blows.]
- [Hammering.]
- [People Chattering.]
[Man.]
Joe, throw me a tape measure, will ya? Your men are very efficient.
- The best in the business.
- Right.
Tell me, Wallace.
- Where did you first meet Mr.
Steele? - Diplomatic corps.
- [Clears Throat.]
Excuse me? - In Paris it was.
Spring of'77.
Or was it '78? No, no.
Seventy-nine.
That was a good year.
Are you sure it wasn't Dannemora or Leavenworth? - Rats.
- What? They got rats in the Seine big as Volkswagens.
- [Man.]
Hey, Al.
Give me a hand over here.
- Yeah.
Huh.
Are you sure they know what they're doing? Between them, they've over 75 years of experience.
Who are you? Where did you come from? [Scoffing Chuckle.]
Humphrey Bogart to Ingrid Bergman.
Casablanca.
Warner Bros.
1942.
This is no time to be quoting old movies.
- Then stop asking old questions.
- Tea time.
You wanna swill some of this, honey? Thank you, Mrs.
Dillon.
Hanna.
Oh, what a mess.
Packy's probably doin' a three-sixty.
- Packy? - My late husband PatrickJoseph.
We started Dillon Electronics making gyroscopes for the navy in our basement.
[Chuckles.]
Tastes like raw crude, don't it? Yeah.
Packy had it special-blended.
Couldn't stand it myself while he was alive.
But now, it Well, it kinda keeps me close to him.
- Your son seems to be carrying on in the family tradition.
- [No Audible Dialogue.]
Rodger? He's carrying on, all right.
Why the hell are we cartin' all this stuff up here? Stop and smell the flowers.
Santa Barbara's lovely this time of year.
- It seems bush keeping research in a house.
- Dillon's orders.
He may run the company, but the old lady still runs him.
She thinks it's too risky at the plant.
Now, Meech, I am personally supervising this entire operation.
What could possibly go wrong? [Muffled Sawing.]
- [Bells Ringing.]
- [Alarms Blaring.]
[People Shouting, Indistinct.]
The key.
- [Bells, Alarms Stop.]
- [Laughing.]
- [Woman.]
Remington, you - Gentlemen.
If the men who installed the system cannot breach it then I'd have to say it's foolproof.
You've gotta admit he pulled it off.
[Knocking Continues.]
Guess what.
[Sucks Teeth.]
Oh, my.
[Birds Chirping Outdoors.]
Well, don't everybody stand around like it's a time-out.
- Call the police.
- No! No.
No.
If this gets out, we'll lose our government contracts.
You install $50,000 worth of equipment and somebodyjust turns off the main switch and walks out the front door.
You mean this was an insidejob? You're all-pro material, Dillon.
Wallace is gone.
- Where? - South.
I assure you, Mr.
Meecham.
We will get back I'm gonna sue your agency till it comes up as dry as my last oil well.
It seems to me, um [Chuckles.]
We got off on the wrong foot this morning.
You're driving me crazy.
[Nick Charles.]
The murderer is right in this room, sitting at this table.
Why, you dirty little - [Women Screaming.]
- There's your murderer.
- [Nora.]
Nicky, he might have killed you.
! - You sorry he didn't? [Tapping On Keyboard.]
- [Taps Keyboard.]
- [Phone Rings.]
- Hello.
- Steele here.
- What do you want? - Are you alone? No.
Wallace and I are sitting here making paper airplanes out of the research he stole.
That's what I love about you.
No matter how bleak the situation, you never lose your sense of humor.
Does one of us have a reason that I'm talking to you? I think I'm onto something that could change the entire complexion of the case.
- You're leaving town.
- My car will be at your apartment in 45 minutes.
- That give you enough time? - To do what? Make yourself presentable.
We're having dinner.
- Oh, no, we're not having - [Dial Tone.]
- Mr.
Steele's table, please.
- Oh, yes.
This way, please.
Thank you.
All right.
I'm here.
What startling news do you have for me? I'm paying for dinner? You said you had something to tell me about the Dillon case.
- I have.
- Well? - Wallace didn't do it.
- [Pouring Drink.]
- How do you know? - He's of the old school, where there's honor amongst thieves.
- He'd never rip off a fellow miscreant.
- Then where is he? He'll turn up.
That's it? Your foolproof security system lasts exactly three hours and 15 minutes the agency is looking at a $10-million lawsuit I haven't got a clue to where that missing file is and you drag me halfway across town to tell me he'll turn up? Sit down.
There's something I want you to know, Laura.
You're good.
This Dillon thing is merely a temporary setback.
I don't want you, for one moment, to lose heart or confidence because you are a skilled, resourceful and often brilliant investigator.
I've had an opportunity to observe your talents first-hand and I am terribly impressed.
You're practical yet intuitive.
You can see the large canvas without missing the small detail.
Have I said something wrong? I hate it when you're nice to me.
What do I call you when we're alone? Well, I'm quite used to the name that you came up with.
It's from a typewriter and a football team.
Then pick one.
I've probably used it.
[Laughing.]
You know, Murphy thinks you're an international swindler or, at the very least, an ax murderer.
- [Laughing.]
- Hmm.
[Claude.]
Excusez-moi, Miss Holt.
- Telephone for you in the foyer, please.
- Thank you.
- Would you permit me an observation, Mr.
Steele? - Certainly, Claude.
This young lady is by far the finest of a staggering array.
You have exquisite taste, Claude.
Uh, does monsieur intend to bestow a nameplate on her too? Possibly.
They're solid brass, you know and I'm afraid your largesse is beginning to run into big bucks.
Well, if I do, it could very well be the last one I dispense.
Wallace turned up.
- Where did they find him? - Where they find most of them Main Street.
Needle still in his arm, five grand in his sock.
- He must have been celebrating his good fortune.
- He wasn't an addict.
Take a look at those arms.
You could run the Southern Pacific on those tracks.
They're old, at least three years.
- When is the autopsy? - Ever heard of Proposition 13? We don't have the budget to cut up every junkie that pigs out on smack.
You want an autopsy? You get this stiff to your own pathologist.
That stiff once made 27 straight passes in a crap game.
He had a daughter he put through college he liked to fish off King's Point, and he read "The Wizard of Id.
" That stiff was my friend.
Harry.
Harry.
Tonight, you look like a Harry.
[Exhales.]
He didn't wanna do this job.
I soaped him into it.
It wasn't your fault.
Someone planted the money on him to make it appear he sold the papers then killed him.
I'm gonna find that someone.
We'll do it together.
I'll get the front, William.
You get the back.
[Chattering.]
What are we doing here? The minute anything happens down here, everybody knows it.
Let's see what they know about Wallace's death.
Ah, see? I told you.
- What? - You're good.
- Might as well start with them.
- Mm.
How's it goin'? - Excuse me.
Um - [Moaning.]
Excuse me.
Pity about Wallace.
Wallace the fella who ran the mission.
Dead, you know.
[Gulps, Mutters.]
[Object Clatters.]
Hello? [Gasps.]
[Groaning, Choking.]
[Struggling, Gasping.]
- [Coughing.]
- Laura, are you all right? Are you okay? [Coughing.]
Car.
Fred! Block the alley! - [Engine Starts.]
- [Honks Horn.]
- Block the alley! - [Continues Honking Horn.]
[Tires Screeching.]
[Men Muttering.]
[Coughs.]
Did you get the license number? Right here.
How did you know I was in trouble? Actually, I was looking for a pencil.
- Thank you so much for coming, Mr.
Meecham.
- This better be good, Miss Holt.
[Chuckles, Clears Throat.]
What was that, dear? No.
No, no, no.
It's, uh it's all right.
I'll, uh, wait for you out here.
[Clears Throat.]
Takes her forever to get dressed.
Without the research, all you got's a dead thief.
Or a murder victim.
We're waiting for the autopsy report.
[Tumbler Clicks.]
Six, two and even Dillon's the one who's stealing our research.
Why do you say that? Only reason I got my cleats into that company is 'cause he ran it into the ground.
Thank you, honey.
He's a rookie with a penchant for polo ponies, blackjack tables and little pieces of fluff who collect expensive jewelry.
Been nice talkin' to you, Laura.
Uh, wait.
We're not finished yet.
I got my lawyer comin' by with the papers in my suit against your agency.
[Rings.]
- Answer the phone.
- [Line Ringing.]
- [Ringing.]
- Hello.
- [Lowers Voice.]
Who's this? - Who's this? [Line Clicks.]
- Good afternoon, Miss Wolfe.
- You're getting to be a regular fixture around here.
- Any word on that license plate? - They're still running it through the D.
M.
V.
Computer but Murphy's on the phone with the pathologist.
Yeah.
Spell that for me.
Right.
Thanks, Doc.
Call me when you're finished, okay? Well, what do you know? He was right.
Wallace didn't O.
D.
On junk.
He was literally relaxed to death.
Injected with a form of orphenadrine citrate a muscle relaxant, the kind used on horses.
- Dillon's into polo.
- There are stables in back of the house.
- Anything else? - They're going over the contents of Wallace's stomach now.
- That should be done by the end of the day.
- Aha! Not only do we know how and where the murder took place, but who committed it.
- Oh, yeah? - We do? - Absolutely.
Meecham.
His briefcase is bulging with plans to tear down Dillon Electronics and build an industrial park not a bad incentive to bankrupt a company.
- Don't forget Rodger Dillon.
- I think I'm getting the hang of this.
According to Meecham, he needed a lot of cash to float his lifestyle.
Remember Mrs.
Dilloninsisting everything be moved to the house.
That made it a helluva lot easier to steal.
- My money's on Meecham.
Let's nab him.
- [Mouthing Words.]
- I told you this was a mistake.
- We need a little thing called evidence which means that somebody is going to have to get back into that house.
Leave everything to me.
- [Door Opens, Closes.]
- That is a lot more frightening than "Let's nab him.
" Hope you got major medical.
Now, Meech, polo is a contest where gentlemen exhibit the finest qualities of horsemanship and fair play.
- Blow it out your ear.
- Meecham I didn't know you played polo.
Charles and I used to have a go at it whenever I was in London.
- [Grunts.]
- Charles? Now that he's married, we don't play as often as we'd like to.
Thank you.
Happy snooping.
I like your boss.
He has the same kind of flair Packy had.
A little reckless maybe, but lots of sauce.
- Why do you say that? - Rodger's a world-class player.
Well, it's only a game.
Not for 25,000 bucks it ain't.
- 25,000 bucks? - That's what he bet Rodger and Meecham.
- 25,000? - Each.
[Whimpers.]
- [Men Shouting, Indistinct.]
- Come on, Dillon! Get after it! Dillon, move it.
! [Horse Neighs.]
[Kissing.]
Come on.
- [Man.]
Stay with him.
! - Yahoo! Yeah! Sorry, Steele.
Didn't mean to miss ya.
[Horse Neighs.]
[Sniffs.]
[Meecham.]
Come on, Dillon.
! Get in there.
! [Meecham Muttering.]
- Friends of yours? - Rodger's new partners.
- In the electronics company? - No.
Some joint venture.
You don't sound too pleased about it, Mrs.
Dillon.
Rodger calls the shots now.
[Grunts, Groaning.]
- [Groans.]
- Shall we count this as a time-out, gentlemen? - [Exhales.]
- [Clucks Tongue.]
I'm not even going to ask if you know what you're doing.
I know precisely what I'm doing.
William Powell did exactly the same thing in The Thin Man invited all the suspects to a dinner party reconstructed the crime and exposed the murderer.
And may I say, you make a splendid Myrna Loy.
Don't be so cocky.
You're just lucky Dillon and Meecham had to forfeit the match.
Where did you think you'd get $50,000 if you'd lost? - [Doorbell Chimes.]
- I had no intention of losing.
[Clears Throat.]
The completed autopsy report.
Take a peek at page five.
Couldn't you have worn something slightly more appropriate? No.
I didn't have time to change.
Okay, let's get the show on the road.
Well, I'm glad to see that you're finally into the spirit of the evening.
[Chattering.]
[Clears Throat.]
To our guests.
May the conversation be as interesting as the company.
Wallace obviously discovered the killer removing the research from the library.
There was a fierce struggle.
The killer hit Wallace repeatedly.
What Mr.
Steele means is that it could have happened that way, but didn't since the autopsy found no bruises or abrasions on Wallace's body.
- Whatever.
The point is the killer dragged - Lured.
Wallace to the stable where he was injected with a massive overdose of muscle relaxant.
The same type found in this vial using a needle exactly like this one both of which were found in your stable, Mr.
Dillon.
Then the killer transported Wallace's unconscious body to Main Street hoping it would appear that he died of a drug overdose.
Your food is wonderful, but [Chuckling.]
Your theory's absurd.
- None of us has a reason to steal from ourselves.
- [Steele.]
Wrong.
One of you had the strongest possible reason.
Money enormous amounts of the stuff.
Isn't that right, Meecham? And of course, as you pointed out, Mr.
Steele Rodger Dillon had an equally strong motive.
I don't remember pointing that out.
Of course you do, when you learned of his association with those gentlemen at the polo match.
Those gentlemen have nothing to do with Dillon Electronics.
- Why was one of them searching Wallace's room? - Excuse me.
Tell me, Meecham, when Dillon Electronics went under did you plan to buy up the rest of the company? - Damn right.
- You'll never get your hands on my company, Meecham.
Try this, Mrs.
Dillon.
It's only a matter of time till you'll have to punt, Dillon.
Then I'm gonna run with the ball.
How's the tea, Mrs.
Dillon? Tastes like the kind I drink.
It is the kind you drink.
I didn't know anyone else had that recipe.
Ladies, could we shelve the tea talk and get back to business? You wanted that land for an industrial park, didn't you? - You got it.
- Then you admit it.
- I admit I was gonna build an industrial park.
- Where did you get the recipe? - But then you already knew that, didn't you, Steele? - You brewed Wallace a cup - 'Cause you went through my hotel room - right before you killed him.
And that's called breaking and entering.
Sit down.
- [Shrieks.]
- [Murphy.]
Easy, Mrs.
Dillon.
- What the hell's goin' on here? - You little wimp.
- Tell them what business your new partners are in.
- Mother, shut up! They peddle classified American technology to the highest bidder.
Did you think I was gonna let you sell them our discoveries just to keep you in more toys? I'd rather see the company go under than have it run by a traitor.
Mother, you're gonna get us both hung.
I didn't want to hurt that poor man but hejust couldn't understand what I was trying to do.
You saved my life, Steele.
- I thought you were gonna accuse me of the murder.
- You? Don't be absurd.
Awful quick thinkin', buddy.
Well, what else do you expect from Remington Steele? [Steele.]
Really, Laura, this is shocking.
If I were you, I'd have a word with the press.
Do you realize not one of these stories mentions your name? One learns to live with it.
That was nice, donating the money you won in that polo match to Wallace's mission.
He was a nice man [Chuckles.]
And a hell of a burglar.
I think the entire staff can be rather proud of this one.
The entire staff thanks you.
However, there is one small thing that puzzles me.
How did I know it was Mrs.
Dillon and not her son? - Or Meecham.
Remember? - Or Meecham.
She was the only one who drank that tea.
And when it turned up in the stable and Wallace's stomach [Fingers Snap.]
God, I'm good.
[Mews.]