Roommates s01e02 Episode Script

Good morning.
Good morning.
- What are you eating? - Cereal.
Cereal's great, just great.
I don't care what anybody says.
Are people bad-mouthing cereal? Some people.
Smooth.
You go through the trouble of moving in with the girl of your dreams, and then you recommend cereal.
I came by to pick up my clothes.
Katie and I broke up.
- What are you doing? - I just wanted to say hi to ben.
- Shut the door.
- Sorry, man.
Open the door.
Shut the damn door.
Open the door.
- I think maybe we should - Open it.
Look at yourself.
I know, I have a problem.
I'll just drop off his clothes to him and that will be it.
Nice try Look at me, I'm like a junkie.
- What am I going to do? - Go get your purse.
You need professional help.
And I'll take ben's clothes back to him.
You're such a good friend.
Thank you.
A Tarot Reader? I thought you were bringing me to a shrink.
Please.
Therapy's a bunch of mumbo-jumbo.
Ah ! Two seekers of truth.
Take my hands.
Let madam sapphire feel your energy.
- Are both seekers paying? - Just her.
Let's see what the cards say.
I'm here because hope brought me.
I have this on-again, boyfriend off.
We want to make sure he stays off.
I just need some advice on my love life.
Interesting.
The cards say you've met the one you're gonna spend the rest of your life with.
Really? - Is there a name? - We really need a name.
- Spirits aren't seeing a name.
- They're not? - No clues at all? - Wait Study your dreams.
You will dream about the one very soon.
Sooner if you buy one of my hopi indian dream catchers, for $29.
95.
I got a hopi indian dream catcher.
You can put it next to the navajo money waster.
We got it from a fortune teller.
Fortune teller? That's kind of crazy, isn't it? She told me I've already met the guy I'm destined to spend the rest of my life.
Did she give you any hints? She said to pay attention to my dreams.
- Let's go hang up my dream catcher.
- It's native american.
So spiritual.
How could you pay money for that? What the did you climb up the fire escape? I did.
- So can I meet your roommates? - No, look I'm going to do it, it's just that you're a strong flavor, and I want to make sure I'm on the right footing before introduce a rogue element.
I like that.
I'm a rogue.
So have you made a move on katie yet? So far she thinks of me more as a friend than as a boyfriend.
Have to change that.
- You have to get into katie's dream.
- Were you listening at the window? May I share a nugget of fire-escape wisdom? My mom always said that the last person you see at night is the one you'll dream about.
So you make sure that katie sees you just before she goes to sleep, then she'll dream about you.
Get in her dreams? I guess I could poke my head in, say good night.
Couldn't hurt.
The rogue has spoken.
Katie wants - What are you doing? - Just checking out the window seat.
It's a seat and a window.
You can sit on it and look out of it it's crazy.
Katie wants you to hang the dream catcher.
Great, be right there.
There's a gym bag full of hip and stylish clothes out here.
Thom, those are ben's.
Hope threw them out.
Look at this.
This is so cool.
If spiderman and justin timberlake had a baby that was a hat this would be it.
- Am I interrupting? - No, come in.
Thanks for helping me with the dream catcher.
So do you really believe in all this tarot stuff? I guess I've always believed that there was just one person out there destined for me.
Do you believe in "the one"? - Totally.
- Do you think you've met your one? Maybe.
Really, who is it? Well, I could tell you, but then I'd have to kiss you.
Kill you.
Not kiss, kill.
I'd kill you.
Good night.
Good night.
Are you saying good night to katie that she'll dream about you? Me? What is that about? Something my mom used to say.
Really? Moms - Just wanted to say good night.
- Good night.
I'm gonna turn in.
Sorry, I think I may have left my shoes in here.
You're wearing your shoes.
Right.
They're so comfortable, like walking on air.
Never mind.
Good night.
Mark, did you look in katie's room? You're wearing your shoes, you silly billy.
He found his shoes.
Good night.
Night.
Night.
Good night.
Sweet dreams.
Buonanotte.
Don't let the bedbug-os bite-o.
You got me.
Good night.
Katie, you're up.
Did you have any dreams? Not that I really care, just tell me exactly what they were.
Not that I can oh my gosh.
- I did have a dream.
- Who was in it? Not ben, I hope? It was mark.
Me, really? What was I doing? Kind of embarrassing.
We're all adults.
Plus we're roommates.
We're adult roommates.
We share.
Sort of a sexual dream.
A sexual dream? Awkward.
You and me having sex.
Oh, that is embarrassing.
Go on.
You weren't having sex with me.
OK, not you, OK.
Was she hot? At least smart, with a good personality? Because the brain is the sexiest organ on a woman.
For me it's the big honkin' boobies.
What's going on? Katie had a dream about mark having sex with someone.
Interesting.
You get some in the pretend world.
Who is the and I use this word with care: lucky girl? It wasn't a girl.
It was a guy.
A a guy.
I was doing it with a guy in your dream? This is beautiful.
Who was it? The fat guy in the park who's always flying a kite? Not exactly, no.
It was you.
Check it out.
In Ben's clothes.
I'm like a really hip Ellen Degeneres.
Well, guess what? Katie had a dream about me having sex.
Awesome.
My plan worked.
With James.
I see.
But at least you were having sex.
Yes, gay sex with James.
No, it's okay.
Let her go on thinking you're gay.
Then one night, your boyfriend's at the gym, you've had one too many mimosas, you plant the idea in Katie's head that she can turn you.
And before you know it you've proven you're a lady in the streets, but a freak in the sheets.
This whole tarot thing has been a nightmare.
Katie's going back for another reading, somehow, some way, it'll be a disaster.
Come on, man, cheer up.
It's just I threw my whole life up in the air to move in with Katie, and I feel like i'm getting farther and farther away from her.
Wait, you said Katie's going back for a second reading? Yeah.
With my luck, she'll have a dream about me having sex with Ben.
No shot, Mark.
Ben's all man.
Cackaw.
- Thom, you can't climb in here.
- Are they back yet? - From where? - The tarot reader.
You told me they were going in for another reading, so I bribed her to point Katie in your direction.
You can't bribe a tarot reader.
I just did.
Madam Sapphire was very nice.
I crossed her palms with silver twice.
Why would you do something like that? Go, get out! - You're not going to believe this.
- We went back to madam Sapphire and she gave us the name of the man Katie's meant to be with.
- It's in here.
- That's great.
It's a special occasion.
We're going to open a bottle of wine and then open the envelope.
I'm so excited! - Your name is in that envelope.
- What? Are you serious? Oh my god, thanks.
Good luck.
And cackaw.
Okay, let's open it.
It's time.
I'm going to open it! - Open it, open it.
- Open it, open it.
I don't know, it's kind of scary.
Should we mess with fate? I mean, what if I get all in my head and whenever I see this guy, I get all nervous and screw up? What if I don't like him and I'm supposed to grow to like him, - but I don't like him yet? - What if he meets someone else, while you're asking all these pointless questions? I'm serious.
What if knowing ruins everything, and the person whose name is inside this envelope becomes the last person could ever possibly love? I don't think you should open it.
What are you talking about? You were squealing like a girl Think about it.
Do you really want to learn about the love of your life from a piece of paper in an envelope? Don't you want to let it happen naturally: over a glass of wine; a stolen glance in a used-book store; in the park, when your eyes meet and you just know it's right? Well, I can certainly see how you got James into bed.
So Katie want to sleep without opening the envelope? Yeah.
If she opens it and sees my name, it could throw off the natural course of things.
You know, I once opened a neighbor's envelope by accident.
Their son got into yale, and I forgot to give it to him.
But it all worked out.
He bought a metal detector and combs beaches for treasure.
I have to get the envelope back.
I'll sneak into her room and steal it back.
- What if she catches you? - Please, when I'm wearing Ben's clothes, I feel invincible.
I'm like a superhero Part Spiderman, part Justin Timberlake.
I am Spiderlake.
Cackaw! You don't have to say cackaw when I know you're coming.
- Here you go.
- Thanks, Thom.
I owe you.
The rogue accepts no compensation.
Thom accepts cash or check.
Hello, Mark.
James, hi.
Good night.
What you got there behind your back? My arm, my ha my hand.
Just practicing walking like an english nobleman.
You've got something behind your back.
Now let's see it.
Can't a guy just walk around with an arm behind his back without causing a big hullabaloo? Okay, then.
- Good night, Mark.
- Good night.
You first.
Look, boobs.
Katie's tarot envelope.
Now why would you have this envelope? Because my name's in it, OK? I had a friend bribe the tarot reader to put my name in there.
Manipulating Katie to get some.
My baby's growing up.
What are you guys doing? Just a couple of guys wrestling, that's all.
Perfectly innocent, no big hullabaloo.
Oh my gosh, the envelope.
Where did you get this? I found it on the floor outside your room.
Breeze must have blown it there.
I didn't feel any breezes.
It was one big gust, a zephyr.
I had this dream.
I was lying in bed and I saw a figure climbing out the window.
It was Ben.
He had his hat on.
It had to be a sign.
So I decided to open the envelope, but it was gone.
And now here it is.
I'm supposed to open it.
Hope, get out here! You know, it's late.
We should probably all go to bed.
Night time's when the body repairs itself.
What's going on? I'm going to open the envelope.
I'm going to find out once and for all if ben is the one.
Well, it better not be Ben, or a certain jamaican tarot reader is getting a visit from the I.
N.
S.
Well, - who is it? - It says Clark.
It says Clark not Mark? Why would it say Mark? They just rhyme, that's funny.
It says Clark? That's fantastic.
I've never met a Clark in my life.
Maybe this whole tarot thing is a scam.
- It means nothing.
- Too early to tell.
I'd waste more money on it, then decide.
You know what? This is insane.
Look at me.
I'm looking for answers from tarot readers and dream catchers.
Why do I keep doing this? Why am I in such a hurry to get to my future? - Yeah, what's the rush? - Well, exactly.
- Yeah, you're young.
- Yeah.
There's plenty of time to get tied down with a guy.
For now, I'm just going to focus on me.
Me me me.
Good night.
Good night.
I don't know who your friend is, but that's not an easy mistake to clake.
Clark? How did the name clark get in there? I don't know.
I swear I told her Mark.
- Are you sure? - Yes.
Oh, wait.
Yeah, I might have said Clark.
I got a call from my friend Clark just before I went in.
It's okay.
It's best not to tempt fate anyway.
Check out that hot girl.
No woman says no to Spiderlake.
Oh my god, look, it's Ben with a girl.
I'd know that jacket anywhere.
What a jerk, hitting on a girl right after we broke up.
- Let's just be adults about this.
- We'll go over there, have a beer and talk it out.
What? No.
Hi, Ben.
Let us buy you a beer.
Oh, no.
Katie, hope, say hi to my old roommate Thom.
Can I get your number? So, hows it comming? These pipes are really clogged.
I need another tool.
I've got your tool right here.