Royalties (2020) s01e02 Episode Script
Break It In
1
Da-da-da-da-da-da ♪
Do-do-do-do-do ♪
Da-da-da-da-da-da ♪
Da-do-ba-doobie-do ♪
This is the theme song ♪
This is the theme song ♪
Yeah. ♪
KENDRA: I'm gonna come right out
and ask the question that is on the lips
of everyone in this industry.
Where have you two been hiding?
Nowhere.
We've been here this whole time.
You two are like Bigfoot.
You exist, obviously.
Your tracks are everywhere.
The evidence is overwhelming.
But you have not been
seen by the right people.
That's where I come in.
You're gonna find Bigfoot?
Pierce, I think I already have.
But let's talk about you two right now.
You have the talent.
"Just That Good" proved it.
The only thing you lack is a
manager with the connections
to make it happen for you.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Look at my phone. Go on.
I have managed some of the
industry's biggest writers.
SARA: Elia Peck? He's, like,
the songwriter of our generation.
Is he? [SCOFFS]
Eh, he's not; I used to manage him.
Let me just block that quick.
[SIGHS] Listen, guys.
I'm a natural skeptic, but I
believe with every fiber of my being
that I am looking at the future
songwriters of our generation.
The only thing I need to know is:
When can we get started?
Kendra, this sounds amazing.
I mean, I know, personally, I would
love to have you in our corner.
Uh, but the the thing is
uh, we sort of already have a
a manager.
I can't believe you said no to Kendra.
Well, I can't believe you
would even consider firing Papa.
He's like family.
Yeah, but he's not family.
- He picked us up when we were nobodies.
- And we're still nobodies,
and that's his fault.
Pierce, this is about our future.
Okay, look, I've made a
list of all the reasons
Kendra is better than Papa.
Don't say that word "better."
Just, uh, say "different."
Okay, strengths of Kendra.
One, she has a phone
that she knows how to use.
- Papa has a phone.
- That she knows how to use.
Two, you can have a conversation
with Kendra without it devolving
into her crying for no reason.
Well, you don't know that.
We've only had one
conversation with Kendra.
Look, Kendra's one of these sleek,
sexy, sophisticated professionals
that knows how to get things done.
- Where was I going with?
- Yeah, she's great, I know.
No! No! No, you know what
she is? She's a name-dropper.
All right? She's all talk, whereas Papa
actually has a gig lined up for us.
So, what we should do is
just hear what he has to say
before we make any rash decisions.
- I'll humor you, that's fine.
- Thank you.
Yeah. [VOCALIZING]
- Hey!
- Hey!
Hi, Papa.
Who's got kisses for Papa?
Hey. We do.
- Ah, Pierce. Ah, Sara.
- Hey.
Oh, you've grown into such
a beautiful young woman.
- Oh, Papa.
- Oh
[SOBBING]
Please don't cry.
[PAPA BABBLING] PIERCE: Papa,
you said that you had
a job lined up for us.
You have a job?
Oh, that's great.
How many dollars am I gonna get?
Oh, no, you said that you had a
songwriting gig for us on the phone.
On the phone? Oh, yeah.
I don't know what's wrong with it.
Uh, Papa, what'd you do?
Well, I didn't do anything.
It was like that.
Well, what's the job
that you have for us?
Well, it's less of a job than,
uh, you'd be doing me a favor.
You know my sister
with the mattress store?
Well, her business has not
been too good lately, and I, uh,
promised her that you
two would write a song
that she could use as
a brand-new commercial.
Isn't that great?
The song will be seen on radio.
And it'll be great
for the mattress store.
And for our careers?
What about your careers?
- PIERCE: One, two, one, two, three
- [PIANO PLAYING]
BOTH: Break it in, break it in ♪
Come on down and take it in ♪
Break it in, break it in ♪
I hope that you can make it in. ♪
Yeah, I mean, that's that
feels about right, that feels good.
Great job, guys.
I mean, this is really gonna
save the mattress store.
Yeah.
This is absolute bullshit.
"Just That Good" has
given us an opportunity.
And we can either strike
while the iron's hot
and embrace success,
or we can keep writing
dinky-ass jingles for old people.
- Bigfoot.
- [CHUCKLES]
Fucking knew it.
Oh, hi, guys.
I was just in the neighborhood
with a friend of mine.
Have you met Dwayne D?
- Holy shit.
- Whoa.
Ha-ha, yeah, that's right, it's me.
Get happy.
- [LAUGHS]
- Yeah.
What y'all working on now?
Uh, it's a song called,
uh, "Break It In."
It's it's about a mattress.
Like, like breaking in a mattress.
By fucking hard on it.
Uh
Huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that.
'Cause, you know, I like
to fuck hard. [LAUGHS]
That's, no, that's exactly
what the song is about.
There's been a little
rumor going around that, um,
Dwayne D fucks too gently.
- Which ain't true at all.
- No. You?
- No.
- No.
I've been trying to trace
the bread crumbs, you know
what I'm saying, to find out
who's spreading this rumor.
But wait a minute.
Light bulb.
If if I collab with
you guys on this song,
then it would put all
those rumors to bed.
- Yeah.
- Wow.
- Yes.
- Then I wouldn't have to spend
all my money printing these up.
- [WOMAN MOANS]
- KENDRA: Why not do both?
Kendra! We can't have people
thinking I fuck too hard.
KENDRA: Yeah, no, of course not.
Anyhoo, Sara and Pierce, Dwayne D.
This is a match made in heaven, no?
Now, I could set up
a session for you guys
if you want me to.
Um
Uh
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
Can't believe we're doing this.
Pierce, it's the right thing to do.
Hi, Ethel.
Uh, we were just coming
to see your brother.
Oh, you kids didn't hear.
Hal passed away last night.
I can't believe it.
His name was Hal?
Are you kids gonna be okay?
- Oh, we'll get by.
- [RAP MUSIC BEGINS]
Somehow.
- I'm the king of the hard fuck ♪
- King ♪
- Anyone that say different, they don't know, bruh ♪
- They don't know that ♪
- Piledrive the bed like a young buck ♪
- Bang ♪
The way I dick her
down got her lovestruck ♪
Got her lovestruck ♪
If you like feathery shit ♪
Yeah, that's pretty
cool, but I don't need it ♪
Memory foam, not about that ♪
If we gon' smash, better bounce back ♪
- People say I fuck too soft ♪
- Nah ♪
- Sayin' that I can't please a woman ♪
- Nah ♪
- I don't need that kinda shit ♪
- Nah ♪
Imagine what my kids'll think ♪
I'm-a break it in,
break it in, break it in ♪
Mama, we could take
it into the classroom ♪
Give ya ass room,
break it in, break it in ♪
Break it in, break it in, whoo ♪
Goin' batshit on a mattress,
break it in, break it in ♪
Break it in, baby, we could
make it into a function ♪
Where we fuckin',
break it in, break it in ♪
Break it in, break it in, whoo ♪
I'm-a fuck hard but
not, like, too hard ♪
But not too soft, either ♪
Just right ♪
Call me Goldilocks ♪
Bitch! ♪
- [MAN COUGHS]
- Thank you.
Don't fuck too gently, yeah. ♪
Da-da-da-da-da-da ♪
Do-do-do-do-do ♪
Da-da-da-da-da-da ♪
Da-do-ba-doobie-do ♪
This is the theme song ♪
This is the theme song ♪
Yeah. ♪
KENDRA: I'm gonna come right out
and ask the question that is on the lips
of everyone in this industry.
Where have you two been hiding?
Nowhere.
We've been here this whole time.
You two are like Bigfoot.
You exist, obviously.
Your tracks are everywhere.
The evidence is overwhelming.
But you have not been
seen by the right people.
That's where I come in.
You're gonna find Bigfoot?
Pierce, I think I already have.
But let's talk about you two right now.
You have the talent.
"Just That Good" proved it.
The only thing you lack is a
manager with the connections
to make it happen for you.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Look at my phone. Go on.
I have managed some of the
industry's biggest writers.
SARA: Elia Peck? He's, like,
the songwriter of our generation.
Is he? [SCOFFS]
Eh, he's not; I used to manage him.
Let me just block that quick.
[SIGHS] Listen, guys.
I'm a natural skeptic, but I
believe with every fiber of my being
that I am looking at the future
songwriters of our generation.
The only thing I need to know is:
When can we get started?
Kendra, this sounds amazing.
I mean, I know, personally, I would
love to have you in our corner.
Uh, but the the thing is
uh, we sort of already have a
a manager.
I can't believe you said no to Kendra.
Well, I can't believe you
would even consider firing Papa.
He's like family.
Yeah, but he's not family.
- He picked us up when we were nobodies.
- And we're still nobodies,
and that's his fault.
Pierce, this is about our future.
Okay, look, I've made a
list of all the reasons
Kendra is better than Papa.
Don't say that word "better."
Just, uh, say "different."
Okay, strengths of Kendra.
One, she has a phone
that she knows how to use.
- Papa has a phone.
- That she knows how to use.
Two, you can have a conversation
with Kendra without it devolving
into her crying for no reason.
Well, you don't know that.
We've only had one
conversation with Kendra.
Look, Kendra's one of these sleek,
sexy, sophisticated professionals
that knows how to get things done.
- Where was I going with?
- Yeah, she's great, I know.
No! No! No, you know what
she is? She's a name-dropper.
All right? She's all talk, whereas Papa
actually has a gig lined up for us.
So, what we should do is
just hear what he has to say
before we make any rash decisions.
- I'll humor you, that's fine.
- Thank you.
Yeah. [VOCALIZING]
- Hey!
- Hey!
Hi, Papa.
Who's got kisses for Papa?
Hey. We do.
- Ah, Pierce. Ah, Sara.
- Hey.
Oh, you've grown into such
a beautiful young woman.
- Oh, Papa.
- Oh
[SOBBING]
Please don't cry.
[PAPA BABBLING] PIERCE: Papa,
you said that you had
a job lined up for us.
You have a job?
Oh, that's great.
How many dollars am I gonna get?
Oh, no, you said that you had a
songwriting gig for us on the phone.
On the phone? Oh, yeah.
I don't know what's wrong with it.
Uh, Papa, what'd you do?
Well, I didn't do anything.
It was like that.
Well, what's the job
that you have for us?
Well, it's less of a job than,
uh, you'd be doing me a favor.
You know my sister
with the mattress store?
Well, her business has not
been too good lately, and I, uh,
promised her that you
two would write a song
that she could use as
a brand-new commercial.
Isn't that great?
The song will be seen on radio.
And it'll be great
for the mattress store.
And for our careers?
What about your careers?
- PIERCE: One, two, one, two, three
- [PIANO PLAYING]
BOTH: Break it in, break it in ♪
Come on down and take it in ♪
Break it in, break it in ♪
I hope that you can make it in. ♪
Yeah, I mean, that's that
feels about right, that feels good.
Great job, guys.
I mean, this is really gonna
save the mattress store.
Yeah.
This is absolute bullshit.
"Just That Good" has
given us an opportunity.
And we can either strike
while the iron's hot
and embrace success,
or we can keep writing
dinky-ass jingles for old people.
- Bigfoot.
- [CHUCKLES]
Fucking knew it.
Oh, hi, guys.
I was just in the neighborhood
with a friend of mine.
Have you met Dwayne D?
- Holy shit.
- Whoa.
Ha-ha, yeah, that's right, it's me.
Get happy.
- [LAUGHS]
- Yeah.
What y'all working on now?
Uh, it's a song called,
uh, "Break It In."
It's it's about a mattress.
Like, like breaking in a mattress.
By fucking hard on it.
Uh
Huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that.
'Cause, you know, I like
to fuck hard. [LAUGHS]
That's, no, that's exactly
what the song is about.
There's been a little
rumor going around that, um,
Dwayne D fucks too gently.
- Which ain't true at all.
- No. You?
- No.
- No.
I've been trying to trace
the bread crumbs, you know
what I'm saying, to find out
who's spreading this rumor.
But wait a minute.
Light bulb.
If if I collab with
you guys on this song,
then it would put all
those rumors to bed.
- Yeah.
- Wow.
- Yes.
- Then I wouldn't have to spend
all my money printing these up.
- [WOMAN MOANS]
- KENDRA: Why not do both?
Kendra! We can't have people
thinking I fuck too hard.
KENDRA: Yeah, no, of course not.
Anyhoo, Sara and Pierce, Dwayne D.
This is a match made in heaven, no?
Now, I could set up
a session for you guys
if you want me to.
Um
Uh
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
Can't believe we're doing this.
Pierce, it's the right thing to do.
Hi, Ethel.
Uh, we were just coming
to see your brother.
Oh, you kids didn't hear.
Hal passed away last night.
I can't believe it.
His name was Hal?
Are you kids gonna be okay?
- Oh, we'll get by.
- [RAP MUSIC BEGINS]
Somehow.
- I'm the king of the hard fuck ♪
- King ♪
- Anyone that say different, they don't know, bruh ♪
- They don't know that ♪
- Piledrive the bed like a young buck ♪
- Bang ♪
The way I dick her
down got her lovestruck ♪
Got her lovestruck ♪
If you like feathery shit ♪
Yeah, that's pretty
cool, but I don't need it ♪
Memory foam, not about that ♪
If we gon' smash, better bounce back ♪
- People say I fuck too soft ♪
- Nah ♪
- Sayin' that I can't please a woman ♪
- Nah ♪
- I don't need that kinda shit ♪
- Nah ♪
Imagine what my kids'll think ♪
I'm-a break it in,
break it in, break it in ♪
Mama, we could take
it into the classroom ♪
Give ya ass room,
break it in, break it in ♪
Break it in, break it in, whoo ♪
Goin' batshit on a mattress,
break it in, break it in ♪
Break it in, baby, we could
make it into a function ♪
Where we fuckin',
break it in, break it in ♪
Break it in, break it in, whoo ♪
I'm-a fuck hard but
not, like, too hard ♪
But not too soft, either ♪
Just right ♪
Call me Goldilocks ♪
Bitch! ♪
- [MAN COUGHS]
- Thank you.
Don't fuck too gently, yeah. ♪