Scarecrow and Mrs. King (1983) s01e02 Episode Script
There Goes the Neighborhood
[MEN CHATTERING.]
[MEN SHOUTING.]
WOMAN [ON PA.]
: Special Agents Lopez and Shane to BILLY: Not much to show for a man's life.
LEE: Oh, don't cry too hard, Billy.
LeMarq is responsible for more widows and orphans than yellow fever.
I wish he hadn't got blown up before we found out his munitions source.
Central America's getting hotter.
It's getting difficult to explain why rebels are running around with U.
S.
Made guns.
Come on, Billy, we've got people down there, don't we? - They'll find out sooner or later.
- It better be sooner.
We hear a rebel assault is due in five days that will rattle all our windows around here.
Our orders are to stop the flow of guns.
I'm putting your department on it immediately.
- Gee, there's a lot of anxiety in the air.
- Here's why.
Just came in, and it's all we have even vaguely in the way of a lead.
We found it on the gunrunner's body.
"Harriet Rosemont.
12374 Inde" Independence Lane.
Isn't that in the Betsy Ross Estates? This was a list of some kind.
We can't make out any names.
Just a couple of streets.
Betsy Ross Estates again.
What could be happening in Betsy Ross Estates? - It's hardly a hotbed of intrigue.
- Precisely what I used to think.
But then when I ran a double check on Betsy Ross Estates the congressional switchboard logged a call from a woman there last night.
She was absolutely hysterical and would speak only to Congressman Holcomb.
- Oh, did he talk to her? - Billy, it was after 6:00.
Bumpy Holcomb would be on the yacht.
Halfway through his soup course.
- Bumpy? - To his more intimate friends, yes.
I'll never know what you see in that guy.
He's hardly your type.
He's got money, looks, power, house in Rio.
He is exactly my type.
Francine, who was this woman and what did she want? All right, her name is Betty Bodeen and, uh, it looks like it had something to do with dangerous hair dryers.
Ha, ha.
They referred her to Ralph Nader.
BILLY: Get over to Betsy Ross Estates.
Check out Harriet Rosemont and this, uh, Bodeen woman.
A day in the suburbs.
Ah, ha, ha.
I welcome the challenge.
As for you, Scarecrow, I think, uh, you have a visitor upstairs.
Someone for me? [SIGHS.]
- Hi.
- Oh.
- Don't do that.
- Say hi? Ha, ha.
Hello.
[CHUCKLES.]
Don't you people ever use real doors? What I really wanna know is, ha, ha, where do you hang your coats? [CHUCKLES.]
Amanda, I'm semi-busy at the moment, so, uh, what's up? Oh, uh, well, I just wanted to bring in the personal profile the Agency asked me to fill out last time we were on a case together.
Amanda, we were not on a case.
We were thrown together by accident, uh, a one-in-a-million kind of thing.
A fluke.
Right.
Anyway, since I can't remember the name of my maternal great-great-grandmother I thought, since you have to check my family tree for security and I have to be on this probationary period while I'm on it, in the meantime maybe you go ahead and I could work for you if you needed me.
[SIGHS.]
So do you need me? Uh-uh.
Oh.
Well, then I guess I'm free to consider other offers.
- Very attractive offers.
- Sure.
Oh.
- So I should call Warren Davenport.
- Warren Davenport? Warren Davenport at Honeycutt Typewriter.
He's the head of personnel.
He wants to interview me for a position.
Great.
And, listen, I'm sure that Billy would write you a letter of recommendation.
No, no, no.
That won't be necessary.
My, uh, my skills speak for themselves.
I type 90 words a minute.
Ah, ha, ha, you'd be happier in an air-conditioned office instead of casing some dive with me.
- No doubt.
As far as I can see, espionage is highly overrated.
- Well - Goodbye.
They don't even pay overtime.
[CHILDREN YELLING.]
Children.
Case is nastier than I thought.
Uh, look, if you're selling Connie Beth Cosmetics we already have more than we need.
Mr.
Bodeen, do I look like I sell? - No, I guess not.
- Ha, ha, I represent the United States.
As such, I'm responding to your wife's call.
- Is Betty about? - No, she's not.
Betty was feeling so down, I made her go to tennis.
And when do you expect her back? Eighteen hours ago.
- Drives own car.
AMANDA: Yes.
[CHUCKLES.]
College degree.
Two children.
Ah.
Divorced.
- Well - Oh, it's perfect.
You know, from where I sit, Mrs.
King, everything looks tiptop.
Oh, well, l I type 80 words a minute, 90 if you don't count typos and I'd really rather not make coffee.
No.
No coffee.
Oh, well, uh, do you have any other questions? Is blue your favorite color? [CHUCKLES.]
Uh - I beg your pardon? - Because it really should be, you know.
And you would look delicious in it.
[CHUCKLES.]
SECRETARY: I'm sorry, Mr.
Davenport is in conference.
No, no, you simply cannot go in there, Mr.
King.
[LEE LAUGHS.]
There you are, you slyboots, ha, ha.
I thought it was agreed, babycakes, no job until the triplets are in nursery school.
The little woman is so eager to earn some pin money.
I told her the first four years of a child's life are more important than a new roof.
Come on, cookie face, it's 2:00, feeding time.
I swear I don't know Timmy, Tammy and Tommy are very hungry.
Bye.
AMANDA: What the Sam Hill you are doing? You cannot get rid of me fast enough then you barge in and drag me out of an interview for a job.
You say you are my husband, which I do not find funny.
Where do you think you are taking me? - We're getting married.
- That's asking too much.
Ah-ah, I've got an assignment to last the next three days.
- You're going to pose as my wife.
- I see.
- Well, find someone else.
- Ha, ha.
That's my exact thought.
- Believe me, it's not my idea.
- Oh, well, thank you.
That makes me feel so much better.
Uh, someone thinks we work pretty well together.
- Someone.
Not you.
- Billy.
He ordered He suggested that we enlist your services for this case.
- Especially since it is right up your alley.
- Really.
- How so? - Well, guns are being smuggled from the United States to guerillas in Central America.
People are getting killed.
We wanna know where those guns are coming from.
Oh, that sounds right up my alley.
Uh There may be a link to some people in the Betsy Ross Estates.
Francine checked out two names we have.
Both are clean.
One of the women is missing.
Billy wants us to pose as a run-of-the-mill suburban couple, see if anything's going on.
He thought it'd be kind of nice if one of us were authentic.
Oh, well, I don't have to ask which one of us that might be.
Look.
I have spent years operating in places like Morocco, Istanbul.
I've mastered French, Dutch, a little Urdu but what do I know about everyday life? So how about it? Three days.
Time off to see my boys? Sure, sure.
And when this is all over, you never have to see me again.
Well, since I obviously just lost a job at Honeycutt Typewriter, all right.
Now remember, as always, for security reasons you are not to mention one word to your family, friends I only wish I had had time to get started on that trainee orientation program.
[CHUCKLES.]
Amanda, you do not need training for this one.
It is a simple case.
Ha, ha, I mean, nothing bad ever happens in the suburbs.
[MAN GRUNTS.]
MAN: Goodbye, Betty Bodeen.
[TIRES SCREECH.]
What do you mean, you didn't get the job at Honeycutt Typewriter? - Didn't the interview go well? - Well, you certainly could say that.
Have you told Dean? You should.
I have always found him a rock in my darkest moment.
You tell my boyfriend your darkest moments? Well, uh, ha, ha, he's so patient.
It's like talking to a registered nurse.
JAMIE: Hi, Mom, hi.
- Hi.
Boys, do you got your homework? JAMIE & PHILIP: Yeah.
Scoot, come on.
Uh, and, uh, Jamie, we have to work on your spelling tonight.
But I've got soccer practice, then play rehearsal.
Then I've got to make a map of Virginia out of dough.
Okay, well, we'll do it after you do all that.
You said we could spend the night at Kenneth's house.
- I did? - [IN UNISON.]
Mm-hm.
[BUS HORN HONKS.]
There's the bus.
Oh, uh, come here, you've forgotten something very important.
ALL: Mwah.
AMANDA: I love you.
JAMIE: Bye, Grandma.
PHILIP: Goodbye, Grandma.
Bye.
You realize I have to make an appointment to see my children? Ha, ha, I know.
It's terrifying how fast they drift away.
You're changing their diapers and the next minute they're off in Honduras, getting tattoos.
Mother, uh, listen.
I'm gonna be a little late tonight so don't wait up for me.
Oh, where will you be? Where will you be? Oh, I'm going to be working at my club's rummage sale and I thought I would donate a few things.
Are you getting rid of this green blouse? Oh, Amanda.
Bless you.
I probably never mentioned the strange things it did to you, did I? No, you never did.
Why didn't you tell me that you were gonna have a rummage sale? I would love to contribute something.
Will you be bringing lots of things from home? I told my mother I was working at a rummage sale.
This is nice.
Is anybody telling these guys where to put things? Yoo-hoo.
Excuse me.
- Here, thanks.
- What? AMANDA: Hello, excuse me.
Um [SIGHS.]
I'm not gonna like this.
[GRUNTS.]
[HAMMER BANGING.]
Well, I have all the boxes unpacked, I have the glasses washed I have the shelf papered down.
Why do I look so messy and you look so good? Beats me.
Lee? - Have you done anything? - Are you kidding? Oh, I'm sorry.
Maybe you better take a break.
We are only gonna be here a couple of days.
I'm not at all sure about this chair.
Who picked this stuff? Oh, that's government issue suburban grouping.
We do this kind of thing a lot, you know.
Stuff's been used before.
AMANDA: Mm-hm.
Oh, yeah, I can see that.
Cigarette burn? Uh, bullet hole.
Our next step is finding a way to get to know these people.
Boy, you really don't know the suburbs, do you? The last thing in the world we have to worry about is meeting people.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
That's probably the welcome wagon right now.
Here, why don't you turn this bullet hole toward the sofa? Yeah.
ALL: Hi, welcome to the neighborhood.
AMANDA: Thank you.
Come on.
Right in the living room.
Hello, how are you? Hello, hi.
Hello.
Come right ahead in.
LEE: Strawberries.
- We're running low on bean dip.
- I wanna talk to that Harriet Rosemont.
It's her name they found on that gunrunner's body.
Mm.
I need two more strawberry daiquiris.
Go easy on the rum.
Where in my contract does it say that I have to make the daiquiris? I hate this assignment.
I want a divorce.
Oh, listen, um, when you're through with this, would you like to barbecue? You're really doing very well.
- Really.
Very well.
- Well AMANDA: Here's your drink.
So, Mrs.
Morton, your husband's in the commodities business, is he? - Well, yes.
- He's done well for himself.
- Well, yeah, he's, he's done - You been married long? Oh, well, it hardly seems like any time at all.
- First marriage, huh? JUD Y: Excuse me.
- Sorry.
- Um, ha, ha.
Looked like you needed rescuing, Amanda.
- Uh, is it Amanda? Oh, good.
- Yes, it is Amanda.
I'm Judy Wainwright.
These are my friends Karen Turkell and Harriet Rosemont.
Harriet.
Your husband was telling me you're anxious to become involved in the neighborhood.
- Oh, he was, was he.
- My Blue Bird troop could use a reptile lady.
Oh, really? Well, I am very anxious to become involved with the neighborhood and I'd like to get to know everybody, but unfortunately I am looking for work, so JUD Y: Are you? Well, Amanda, we might just have the perfect idea for you, don't we, Harriet? - Well, sure.
- Now, Harriet, don't be like that.
Ha, ha.
She's so competitive.
There's always room for one more Connie Beth girl.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
- Connie Beth girl? - I'll get it.
[JUD Y CHUCKLES.]
I'm sorry to bother you, sir, but I saw there was a party.
Is there a Mr.
Frank Bodeen here, by any chance? Yeah.
Uh, Frank? Frank, there's, uh, someone here to see you.
Mr.
Bodeen? I'm afraid we have some bad news, sir.
Yes? Sir, we think that we found your wife's body.
AMANDA: With all that's happened, you may need me here.
Hmm? Do you think I ought to take that job Judy was talking about? Amanda, selling Connie Beth Cosmetics door-to-door is perfect.
- You'll be inside every house in this area.
- Yeah.
I'll have the blisters to prove it too.
If we're gonna search the Bodeens', let's do it.
I'm not gonna call my mother and tell her the rummage sale is still running late.
What are you doing? I'm going to bed.
We can't go over there till 3 or 4 in the morning.
Why not? Frank's not there.
He's at the Rosemonts'.
I don't want anyone up to watch us break in.
- Now, are you coming? - No, I can't sleep here.
How would I explain it? - I'd feel like I was lying and sneaking.
- You are lying and sneaking.
- You're working for the government.
- No.
I mean, I would feel guilty.
You know? Like I was having a thing.
Or something.
- You know? Heh.
- A thing? Yes, you know.
- A thing.
- Like an affair? - Yes, that kind of a thing.
- Well, you're not.
Now, do you like a window open at night? - Lee, I have to consider Dean.
- Okay.
- How does he feel about windows? - Never mind, never mind.
- You don't understand - All I understand is that we are on a job.
Now, this is purely business, is that not correct? Yes, that is correct.
Then one of us gets the bed, the other the couch.
I don't care.
But the important thing is, is that we get some sleep.
You tend to get killed less often that way.
Who gets the bed? The senior agent always gets the bed.
Get your mind out of the gutter, would you? [SIGHS.]
Mom always said I could never keep a secret.
Well, I've kept this one, Mom.
And if you could talk, you'd say, "I'm proud of you, Bobby.
" [DOOR OPENS.]
- Well, they haven't found the body.
- Very, very efficient.
I feel bad, naturally, about poor Mrs.
Bodeen but when she stumbled in on our secret we couldn't have her going to the government people.
- Where's the rest of the shipment? - Probably at her house.
Well, get it.
Without being seen.
I don't want anyone coming here looking for it.
You never said, "I'm proud of you, Bobby.
" But, Mom, I'm gonna be so frightfully rich.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
[WHISPERING.]
Keep it down.
[WHISPERING.]
This gives me the creeps.
This way.
We're looking for letters, diaries, phone numbers, anything unusual.
- I'll check upstairs.
- Where should I check? Just check.
AMANDA: Just check? Excuse me.
[SNIFFING.]
[CAT YOWLING.]
Lee.
[SIGHS.]
[IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Lee.
[METAL CLANGS.]
Lee.
Lee.
[AMANDA SCREAMS.]
Mr.
Bodeen.
Oh, Mr.
Bodeen.
[FRANK GRUNTING AND GASPING.]
Lee! Lee! Lee, they're getting away! [TIRES SCREECHING.]
[MAN GRUNTS.]
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[TIRES SCREECH.]
Hair dryer.
DOTTY: My teacher said I show great promise that probably I should take up pottery as a career.
He's gonna show my stuff at one of those places that makes souvenir plates.
Ah, ah! AMANDA: Boys.
Well, that's wonderful, Mother.
- Come on, boys, stop it.
- What time did you get home last night? - You look exhausted.
- By the time we cleaned up after the rummage sale, it was pretty late.
- Well, Dean just kept calling and calling.
- He kept calling and calling? Well, twice.
I just kept saying, "Not yet, not yet.
" He is patient.
[CAR HORN HONKS.]
Yoo-hoo! Is that you? It is.
They sent over your sample case so I guess you can start your route today.
Isn't that awful about poor Frank getting stabbed? He'd come over to our place but, uh, he just couldn't sleep so he went on home and that's when they got him.
And he was so upset about poor Betty getting strangled.
Well, I've gotta run.
You say hi to your husband.
Bye.
I guess she thought I was someone else.
[AMANDA SIGHS.]
BOBBY: They didn't get a good look at you? - Our faces were covered.
- But you recognized them? - Yes.
And you retrieved the entire shipment from the garage? Good.
L I don't want any trouble at this point.
If we don't finish filling this order, we don't get paid.
I wanna know who those people are, what they saw and what Frank said to them.
And then I want them dead.
Like you always said, Mom, it's a dog-eat-dog world.
Uh, another vodka, straight up.
Well, Amanda.
You should be pleased.
You did very well today.
- Really? - Mm-hm.
- That door-to-door selling is tough.
- Oh, only at first.
But if you stick with Connie Beth you might become a Golden Circle girl.
- Have you made it that far? - Oh, sure.
[AMANDA CHUCKLES.]
So have Karen and Judy.
And poor Betty Bodeen before she died.
Oh, Amanda.
I'm going to help you become a Golden Circle girl.
I know they say I'm competitive, but I'm through with all of that.
- I owe it to Betty.
- You do? Amanda, I've never told this to another living soul but I may have gotten Betty in trouble with the company.
She did something entirely against policy and, uh l I think I may have let that slip to management.
What did she do? I just can't talk about that.
I have to run.
Oh, Harriet, wait.
Please tell me, just, uh If If Golden Circle girls don't sell, ha, ha, what do they do? Well I guess, uh, supply the personal touch to some of our bigger, fussier clients.
I, for example, personally deliver shipments to my local customers.
And for my international clients I clear their orders through customs and make sure it gets on the plane.
You have a lot of clients outside the country who order from Connie Beth? And some of our clients live in sort of primitive places.
I mean, they really appreciate our line of beauty appliances.
Appliances? Well, you know, uh Electric rollers, facial saunas, uh, curling irons.
Hair dryers.
Absolutely.
One of our hottest items.
[HAMMER BANGING.]
There's something strange about this whole Connie Beth thing.
Not only did a murdered woman mention hair dryers but those were her husband's dying words.
And this LeMarq guy has Harriet Rosemont's name on him.
What does Harriet Rosemont do? She works for Connie Beth.
What does Connie Beth sell? Hair dryers.
[LEE CHUCKLES.]
What do you suppose Betty Bodeen did that got her in trouble? It's crooked.
- It is? - Yeah.
Oh.
- What is it? - It's Dean.
On our vacation in Arkansas.
Good likeness.
You and what's-his-name do a lot of fishing, do you? Dean, and yes, we do.
Could we get on with the other conversation? I spent all morning running a recheck on Harriet and her friends Judy and Karen.
All clean as a whistle.
Why did you hang new curtains? The old ones didn't go with the rug that I got and I like my kitchen to be cheery.
Heh.
But, Amanda, this isn't your kitchen.
It's not for real.
I know, but people will come in and out of here and it reflects the kind of people we are, it's the way you do a kitchen.
No, no, no.
How you do a kitchen is you hire a guy with a French name tell him how much you wanna spend, then go skiing.
You know, that's your whole problem.
You're out of touch.
- Out of touch with what? - The way normal people do things.
- I'm normal.
- Oh, sure.
You think sunbathing in Borneo is normal.
People just want to get through a day with healthy kids friends they can count on, a job and a roof over their heads.
Fine.
That normal I'm not.
I don't know how you expect to get to know people.
You never go outside and say "That's a great looking lawn" or, uh, "Who's your tile man?" Or, "Where'd your kid get her braces?" All right.
If you are so damn normal, you solve the case.
- Maybe I will.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- You think so? I'm the one who noticed Betty Bodeen's hair dryer.
I am the one who told you it must have short circuited.
Right.
So it's broken, right? She's standing there, she's got wet hair.
She's desperate.
If she doesn't do something, it's gonna frizz out.
But out in the garage, she's got boxes and boxes of those hair dryers.
So what does she do? I'll tell you what she does.
She goes out there and she opens one of the boxes.
That's what Harriet tells the company and that's what gets her in trouble, killed.
- You just think of that? - Yeah, dumb? - No, good.
- Oh, thanks.
You said Betty Bodeen was one of these people with the special clients? Yeah, that's right.
A Golden Circle girl.
Makes you wonder about these clients, doesn't it? Yeah.
Judy Wainwright's making some deliveries today.
Maybe I'll keep an eye on Judy.
You want me to pick up some groceries? No, no, that's all right.
I have a Connie Beth sales meeting.
Yeah, right.
[LEE CHUCKLES.]
- You know what just happened? - What? We just had our first fight.
As man and wife, that is.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
Right here in our cheery kitchen.
Huh.
- Well, I guess I'll see you later.
- Yup.
- Yeah.
- Okay, yeah.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
- Have a good one.
Yeah, okay.
- Yeah.
You too.
- Yeah.
You know something? - What? I like blue a lot better.
Oh.
Good, I'm I'm glad.
[AMANDA SIGHS.]
WOMAN [ON PA.]
: - for unloading passengers only.
Freight customers, please follow the blue line to their designated dock area.
I'll just be double-parked a sec.
No problem, Mrs.
Wainwright.
You should have your name on this space.
- Let me help you with that box.
JUD Y: Oh, you're so sweet.
OFFICER: There.
JUD Y: Thank you.
Here, I'll get that.
So tell me, how's your family? OFFICER: Oh, fine.
They enjoyed the gift you gave them.
JUD Y: Your kids home for the holidays? OFFICER: Uh, yeah.
Only one, only one.
JUD Y: Uh-huh.
OFFICER: The other is behind in schoolwork.
JUD Y: I'll get this.
OFFICER: Beautiful, thank you.
OFFICER: Oh, can I give you a hand with that? LEE: Uh, no, thank you.
I'm doing fine.
Ha, ha.
Usual shipment, Mrs.
Wainwright? Oh, yeah, give or take a curling iron or two, Bill.
- Uh, be right with you, sir.
LEE: Yeah, thanks.
BILL: Them seòoritas down there must really like what you sell.
JUD Y: Well - Sign these papers and I'll make sure your things go through customs without delay.
JUD Y: Oh, thank you, Bill.
Oh, did your wife like those night-cream samples I gave her? She loved them.
[MAN ON PA SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
Anything look strange to you, Francine? All of it.
I never use domestic creams.
So how is married life treating you, huh? Dinner at 6? Dishes at 7? TV till 9? - Bed.
- Bed? Francine, I've gained a lot of respect for the generosity and stamina of the American housewife.
You're disgusting.
[CHUCKLES.]
Billy, come over here and look at this.
- What's this look like to you? - I don't know.
Part of a hair dryer.
And? - What's this? - More of the same.
Exactly.
This is what they're attached to.
- That's part of a gun.
- Exactly.
They're full of this stuff.
Hidden among the regular dryer parts.
Who knows what they put in their bigger products? That is why LeMarq had Harriet Rosemont's name on him.
She was supplying him, his very own Connie Beth girl.
And that floated by customs because we're looking for whole weapons, not bits and pieces.
And these housewives are the key to the thing.
What generosity and stamina.
But how could Connie Beth smuggle out enough to make it pay? Oh, Billy, are you kidding? In every PTA and carpool in America there are half a dozen Connie Beth representatives.
It's a national network.
Like the Masons.
They They only use the people they can really trust like these Golden Circle Girls who personally ship the orders without knowing it.
Thousands of packages going out every day through thousands of different freight offices.
Very tough to trace.
We gotta get somebody inside Connie Beth and see who's involved.
Oh, and pull the King woman out of this.
Oh, my God, Amanda.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, thank you.
[PHONE RINGING.]
Hello? - Hello, is Amanda King there? DOTTY [O VER PHONE.]
: No.
No, she had to go to some kind of a sales meeting.
- Who is this? - Uh, Honeycutt Typewriter, just calling to double-check on her shorthand.
Ah, how wonderful.
My daughter was afraid she wasn't gonna hear from you.
Uh, look, uh, speaking not as her - Connie Beth Cosmetics.
BILLY: Right.
ALL [SINGING.]
: Connie Beth We salute you Here's to a beautiful world Everyone can be lovely You can ask any Connie Beth girl Show me the way to others Learning to polish the pearl Life can become your oyster Just ask any Connie Beth girl [ALL APPLAUDING.]
[GRETCHEN CLEARS THRO AT.]
GRETCHEN: Now, our final item of business, ladies concerns our new tawny buff bronzer pour les femmes.
HARRIET: Mm.
- Ooh, it's nice.
- Isn't this great? It's fabulous, yes.
Uh, listen, Harriet, um, did you ever open one of the packages that the company gave you for your clients? Oh, Amanda, of course not.
I am a Golden Circle girl.
GRETCHEN: Sample packets may be picked up in the foyer.
Guard them with your lives, ladies.
Everyone wants to get their hands on our BOBBY: Are you sure that's her? - Absolutely.
GRETCHEN: Ladies Then I believe we should have her in.
For a chat.
GRETCHEN: Our new kumquat moisturizer for those trouble spots.
One may apply new apricot astringent.
And finally, a frowning face to that Connie Beth girl who was heard saying that our competition, Lovely Lady, is icky.
[ALL CHATTERING.]
My friends, Lovely Lady is not icky.
They are misguided and deserve our pity.
And soon, we will trample them into the dust.
[ALL LAUGH.]
Because what's our motto? ALL: Sell, sell, sell! Precisely.
Ha, ha! [ALL APPLAUDING.]
Ladies, the magic moment is at hand.
Today we will announce the names of those chosen to enter our golden circle.
[WOMEN GASP AND APPLAUD.]
Now, our new Golden Circle girls will kindly stay behind today for a private meeting with our guide to greatness and younger skin, Mr.
Bobby Bushard.
Rise, ladies, and welcome our sisters into a new light.
Our first Golden Circle candidate is Marge Clapton.
[GASPS.]
ALL [SINGING.]
: She's a Golden Circle girl Yes she is, yes she is She's a Golden Circle girl Yes she is She's a Golden Circle girl She's a Golden Circle girl Glenda Babcock.
[GASPS.]
ALL [SINGING.]
: She's a Golden Circle girl Yes she is, yes she is Marion Malone.
ALL [SINGING.]
: She's a Golden Circle girl Yes she is, yes she is She's a Golden Circle girl, Yes she is She's a Golden Circle girl She's a Golden Circle girl She's a Golden Circle girl Yes she is Oh, and, um, Amanda Morton.
[JUD Y GASPS.]
JUD Y: Morton? Amanda, that's you.
- That's you.
MAN: Let's go JUD Y: Amanda, go for it! - Must be some kind of a mistake Harriet, don't be like that.
ALL [SINGING.]
: Yes she is, yes she is She's a Golden Circle girl Yes she is She's a Golden Circle girl She's a Golden Circle girl She's a Golden Circle girl Yes she is [WOMEN APPLAUDING.]
[GRUNTS.]
LEE: Is Amanda still here? - She's inside with Bobby Bushard.
You know, they made her a Golden Circle girl Uh, Lee.
Let's, uh, start again.
Hmm? What were you doing in the Bodeen house on the night of Frank's little mishap and what are you doing here now? Mr.
Bushard, I'm just a Connie Beth trainee.
Do you know what lying does for your skin? Lying causes stress and stress wrinkles the skin.
Capillaries burst, skin flakes.
A lying face is not a pretty face.
Tell me what you were doing in the house and what did Frank say to you? I went to borrow a cup of sugar and Mr.
Bodeen didn't say anything to me because he was already dead.
Willfulness is even less attractive than lying.
[PHONE BUZZES.]
Yes? Affirmative.
My mom, the late, great Connie Beth Bushard she built an empire knowing the intricate workings of a woman's mind.
Now, thrashing you about, while fun, might yield very little.
On the other hand, thrashing someone you care about may get me what I want posthaste.
AMANDA: Oh, no.
- What are you doing here? - Rescuing you.
BOBBY: Okay, kids, let's take it from the top.
Tell me about yourselves, an And don't skip a bit.
Once I get nasty, not even Connie Beth's top of the line can make those faces adorable again.
[SIGHS.]
Well, I just hope this makes you happy.
Okay.
You caught us.
It's true.
We were spying.
And you listen to me.
You said spying for the competition was so easy.
I never said that.
[SCOFFS.]
He's the one who wanted to do it.
He's the one who said there was money in it.
- What? AMANDA: Yes, that's right.
Yes, oh, yes.
It's true.
I'm not a Connie Beth girl.
I'm a Lovely Lady lady.
Oh, the whole damn thing was her idea.
She was whining, "No, we needed more money," more this, more that.
- My idea.
- Yeah.
I was happy where we were.
I was working in lipstick, I was moving my way up to tweezers.
You said I needed diamonds.
Ha! Oh, I should have known better to trust her.
- I don't like diamonds LEE: She masterminded the whole thing.
I don't even like this stuff.
[SCREAMING.]
LEE: Let's go.
Come on, come on.
Davis, get them! I hate women.
- Hairspray, not bad.
- Mace training.
LEE: Hurry, it's down here.
DAVIS: This way.
Up here.
BOBBY: Quickly, quickly! LEE: Hold it.
They got away.
Get them.
AMANDA: Where now? - I don't know.
BOBBY: Hurry! That way! They went upstairs.
BOBBY: Get them.
Get them.
AMANDA: Oh, no! BOBBY: Hurry up.
BOBBY: There they are! LEE: Quick! Go and get something to bar the door.
[BANGING ON DOOR.]
[GUNFIRE.]
No, not that one.
Get the big one.
Hurry, Amanda.
[LEE GRUNTS.]
Get back.
[GUNFIRE.]
Come on.
LEE: Stay down.
Amanda.
All right.
All right, hold on tight.
AMANDA: Oh, my gosh! LEE: Here we go.
AMANDA: Oh, gosh.
[AMANDA SCREAMING.]
AMANDA: Oh, no, no.
No.
Oh! No! BOBBY: They're getting away.
[SIRENS WAILING.]
LEE: Thanks for the lift.
These guys will explain.
Anderson, Bobby Bushard and his men are up on the roof, go on.
Boy, I thought these guys would never get here.
- Come on.
- Yeah.
[SIREN WAILING.]
- Are you all right? - Oh, I'm I'm fine, yes.
- You're sure? - I'm sure.
I'm really I'm all right.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Well, tell me.
Ha, ha.
What was in those hair dryers, anyway? Heh.
Oh, the terrorist guns we were after.
Look, you wanna get a drink? I'll tell you all about it.
Uh, no, I can't.
Maybe some other time, huh? [AMANDA CHUCKLES.]
Give you this.
I guess we won't be needing it anymore.
Yeah, right.
Ha, ha.
- Yeah, I guess the honeymoon is over, huh? - Right, ha, ha.
I guess so.
You know what the whole problem with our marriage was? Ha, ha, what? Just wasn't very exciting.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
Ha, ha.
Mm-hm.
- L-E-T-L-Y.
Quietly.
Ha, ha.
Terrific, sweetheart.
That's much better.
- How's my math, Mom? - Oh, your math is beautiful.
You're both a couple of geniuses.
Get upstairs, get in bed, I'll tuck you in.
- Goodnight, Grandma.
- Goodnight, loves.
Well, I guess I'd better call Dean before it gets much later.
DOTTY: Hmm.
When you took so long getting home, he got quite concerned.
He tried to pretend that he wasn't, but I could detect that little quiver that vaguely strangled quality in his voice.
Mother.
Amanda, I just think concern is an important quality.
That and dependability.
Dean is dependable, don't you think? - Oh, yes, he is.
- He certainly is.
- Absolutely.
- There is no question about it.
The trouble with some people is they vanish from your life just as quickly as they came.
With some men, you can have an absolutely thrilling evening and there's no guarantee you're going to see them again.
You know what I mean? Heh, yeah.
Tell me about it.
[MEN SHOUTING.]
WOMAN [ON PA.]
: Special Agents Lopez and Shane to BILLY: Not much to show for a man's life.
LEE: Oh, don't cry too hard, Billy.
LeMarq is responsible for more widows and orphans than yellow fever.
I wish he hadn't got blown up before we found out his munitions source.
Central America's getting hotter.
It's getting difficult to explain why rebels are running around with U.
S.
Made guns.
Come on, Billy, we've got people down there, don't we? - They'll find out sooner or later.
- It better be sooner.
We hear a rebel assault is due in five days that will rattle all our windows around here.
Our orders are to stop the flow of guns.
I'm putting your department on it immediately.
- Gee, there's a lot of anxiety in the air.
- Here's why.
Just came in, and it's all we have even vaguely in the way of a lead.
We found it on the gunrunner's body.
"Harriet Rosemont.
12374 Inde" Independence Lane.
Isn't that in the Betsy Ross Estates? This was a list of some kind.
We can't make out any names.
Just a couple of streets.
Betsy Ross Estates again.
What could be happening in Betsy Ross Estates? - It's hardly a hotbed of intrigue.
- Precisely what I used to think.
But then when I ran a double check on Betsy Ross Estates the congressional switchboard logged a call from a woman there last night.
She was absolutely hysterical and would speak only to Congressman Holcomb.
- Oh, did he talk to her? - Billy, it was after 6:00.
Bumpy Holcomb would be on the yacht.
Halfway through his soup course.
- Bumpy? - To his more intimate friends, yes.
I'll never know what you see in that guy.
He's hardly your type.
He's got money, looks, power, house in Rio.
He is exactly my type.
Francine, who was this woman and what did she want? All right, her name is Betty Bodeen and, uh, it looks like it had something to do with dangerous hair dryers.
Ha, ha.
They referred her to Ralph Nader.
BILLY: Get over to Betsy Ross Estates.
Check out Harriet Rosemont and this, uh, Bodeen woman.
A day in the suburbs.
Ah, ha, ha.
I welcome the challenge.
As for you, Scarecrow, I think, uh, you have a visitor upstairs.
Someone for me? [SIGHS.]
- Hi.
- Oh.
- Don't do that.
- Say hi? Ha, ha.
Hello.
[CHUCKLES.]
Don't you people ever use real doors? What I really wanna know is, ha, ha, where do you hang your coats? [CHUCKLES.]
Amanda, I'm semi-busy at the moment, so, uh, what's up? Oh, uh, well, I just wanted to bring in the personal profile the Agency asked me to fill out last time we were on a case together.
Amanda, we were not on a case.
We were thrown together by accident, uh, a one-in-a-million kind of thing.
A fluke.
Right.
Anyway, since I can't remember the name of my maternal great-great-grandmother I thought, since you have to check my family tree for security and I have to be on this probationary period while I'm on it, in the meantime maybe you go ahead and I could work for you if you needed me.
[SIGHS.]
So do you need me? Uh-uh.
Oh.
Well, then I guess I'm free to consider other offers.
- Very attractive offers.
- Sure.
Oh.
- So I should call Warren Davenport.
- Warren Davenport? Warren Davenport at Honeycutt Typewriter.
He's the head of personnel.
He wants to interview me for a position.
Great.
And, listen, I'm sure that Billy would write you a letter of recommendation.
No, no, no.
That won't be necessary.
My, uh, my skills speak for themselves.
I type 90 words a minute.
Ah, ha, ha, you'd be happier in an air-conditioned office instead of casing some dive with me.
- No doubt.
As far as I can see, espionage is highly overrated.
- Well - Goodbye.
They don't even pay overtime.
[CHILDREN YELLING.]
Children.
Case is nastier than I thought.
Uh, look, if you're selling Connie Beth Cosmetics we already have more than we need.
Mr.
Bodeen, do I look like I sell? - No, I guess not.
- Ha, ha, I represent the United States.
As such, I'm responding to your wife's call.
- Is Betty about? - No, she's not.
Betty was feeling so down, I made her go to tennis.
And when do you expect her back? Eighteen hours ago.
- Drives own car.
AMANDA: Yes.
[CHUCKLES.]
College degree.
Two children.
Ah.
Divorced.
- Well - Oh, it's perfect.
You know, from where I sit, Mrs.
King, everything looks tiptop.
Oh, well, l I type 80 words a minute, 90 if you don't count typos and I'd really rather not make coffee.
No.
No coffee.
Oh, well, uh, do you have any other questions? Is blue your favorite color? [CHUCKLES.]
Uh - I beg your pardon? - Because it really should be, you know.
And you would look delicious in it.
[CHUCKLES.]
SECRETARY: I'm sorry, Mr.
Davenport is in conference.
No, no, you simply cannot go in there, Mr.
King.
[LEE LAUGHS.]
There you are, you slyboots, ha, ha.
I thought it was agreed, babycakes, no job until the triplets are in nursery school.
The little woman is so eager to earn some pin money.
I told her the first four years of a child's life are more important than a new roof.
Come on, cookie face, it's 2:00, feeding time.
I swear I don't know Timmy, Tammy and Tommy are very hungry.
Bye.
AMANDA: What the Sam Hill you are doing? You cannot get rid of me fast enough then you barge in and drag me out of an interview for a job.
You say you are my husband, which I do not find funny.
Where do you think you are taking me? - We're getting married.
- That's asking too much.
Ah-ah, I've got an assignment to last the next three days.
- You're going to pose as my wife.
- I see.
- Well, find someone else.
- Ha, ha.
That's my exact thought.
- Believe me, it's not my idea.
- Oh, well, thank you.
That makes me feel so much better.
Uh, someone thinks we work pretty well together.
- Someone.
Not you.
- Billy.
He ordered He suggested that we enlist your services for this case.
- Especially since it is right up your alley.
- Really.
- How so? - Well, guns are being smuggled from the United States to guerillas in Central America.
People are getting killed.
We wanna know where those guns are coming from.
Oh, that sounds right up my alley.
Uh There may be a link to some people in the Betsy Ross Estates.
Francine checked out two names we have.
Both are clean.
One of the women is missing.
Billy wants us to pose as a run-of-the-mill suburban couple, see if anything's going on.
He thought it'd be kind of nice if one of us were authentic.
Oh, well, I don't have to ask which one of us that might be.
Look.
I have spent years operating in places like Morocco, Istanbul.
I've mastered French, Dutch, a little Urdu but what do I know about everyday life? So how about it? Three days.
Time off to see my boys? Sure, sure.
And when this is all over, you never have to see me again.
Well, since I obviously just lost a job at Honeycutt Typewriter, all right.
Now remember, as always, for security reasons you are not to mention one word to your family, friends I only wish I had had time to get started on that trainee orientation program.
[CHUCKLES.]
Amanda, you do not need training for this one.
It is a simple case.
Ha, ha, I mean, nothing bad ever happens in the suburbs.
[MAN GRUNTS.]
MAN: Goodbye, Betty Bodeen.
[TIRES SCREECH.]
What do you mean, you didn't get the job at Honeycutt Typewriter? - Didn't the interview go well? - Well, you certainly could say that.
Have you told Dean? You should.
I have always found him a rock in my darkest moment.
You tell my boyfriend your darkest moments? Well, uh, ha, ha, he's so patient.
It's like talking to a registered nurse.
JAMIE: Hi, Mom, hi.
- Hi.
Boys, do you got your homework? JAMIE & PHILIP: Yeah.
Scoot, come on.
Uh, and, uh, Jamie, we have to work on your spelling tonight.
But I've got soccer practice, then play rehearsal.
Then I've got to make a map of Virginia out of dough.
Okay, well, we'll do it after you do all that.
You said we could spend the night at Kenneth's house.
- I did? - [IN UNISON.]
Mm-hm.
[BUS HORN HONKS.]
There's the bus.
Oh, uh, come here, you've forgotten something very important.
ALL: Mwah.
AMANDA: I love you.
JAMIE: Bye, Grandma.
PHILIP: Goodbye, Grandma.
Bye.
You realize I have to make an appointment to see my children? Ha, ha, I know.
It's terrifying how fast they drift away.
You're changing their diapers and the next minute they're off in Honduras, getting tattoos.
Mother, uh, listen.
I'm gonna be a little late tonight so don't wait up for me.
Oh, where will you be? Where will you be? Oh, I'm going to be working at my club's rummage sale and I thought I would donate a few things.
Are you getting rid of this green blouse? Oh, Amanda.
Bless you.
I probably never mentioned the strange things it did to you, did I? No, you never did.
Why didn't you tell me that you were gonna have a rummage sale? I would love to contribute something.
Will you be bringing lots of things from home? I told my mother I was working at a rummage sale.
This is nice.
Is anybody telling these guys where to put things? Yoo-hoo.
Excuse me.
- Here, thanks.
- What? AMANDA: Hello, excuse me.
Um [SIGHS.]
I'm not gonna like this.
[GRUNTS.]
[HAMMER BANGING.]
Well, I have all the boxes unpacked, I have the glasses washed I have the shelf papered down.
Why do I look so messy and you look so good? Beats me.
Lee? - Have you done anything? - Are you kidding? Oh, I'm sorry.
Maybe you better take a break.
We are only gonna be here a couple of days.
I'm not at all sure about this chair.
Who picked this stuff? Oh, that's government issue suburban grouping.
We do this kind of thing a lot, you know.
Stuff's been used before.
AMANDA: Mm-hm.
Oh, yeah, I can see that.
Cigarette burn? Uh, bullet hole.
Our next step is finding a way to get to know these people.
Boy, you really don't know the suburbs, do you? The last thing in the world we have to worry about is meeting people.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
That's probably the welcome wagon right now.
Here, why don't you turn this bullet hole toward the sofa? Yeah.
ALL: Hi, welcome to the neighborhood.
AMANDA: Thank you.
Come on.
Right in the living room.
Hello, how are you? Hello, hi.
Hello.
Come right ahead in.
LEE: Strawberries.
- We're running low on bean dip.
- I wanna talk to that Harriet Rosemont.
It's her name they found on that gunrunner's body.
Mm.
I need two more strawberry daiquiris.
Go easy on the rum.
Where in my contract does it say that I have to make the daiquiris? I hate this assignment.
I want a divorce.
Oh, listen, um, when you're through with this, would you like to barbecue? You're really doing very well.
- Really.
Very well.
- Well AMANDA: Here's your drink.
So, Mrs.
Morton, your husband's in the commodities business, is he? - Well, yes.
- He's done well for himself.
- Well, yeah, he's, he's done - You been married long? Oh, well, it hardly seems like any time at all.
- First marriage, huh? JUD Y: Excuse me.
- Sorry.
- Um, ha, ha.
Looked like you needed rescuing, Amanda.
- Uh, is it Amanda? Oh, good.
- Yes, it is Amanda.
I'm Judy Wainwright.
These are my friends Karen Turkell and Harriet Rosemont.
Harriet.
Your husband was telling me you're anxious to become involved in the neighborhood.
- Oh, he was, was he.
- My Blue Bird troop could use a reptile lady.
Oh, really? Well, I am very anxious to become involved with the neighborhood and I'd like to get to know everybody, but unfortunately I am looking for work, so JUD Y: Are you? Well, Amanda, we might just have the perfect idea for you, don't we, Harriet? - Well, sure.
- Now, Harriet, don't be like that.
Ha, ha.
She's so competitive.
There's always room for one more Connie Beth girl.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
- Connie Beth girl? - I'll get it.
[JUD Y CHUCKLES.]
I'm sorry to bother you, sir, but I saw there was a party.
Is there a Mr.
Frank Bodeen here, by any chance? Yeah.
Uh, Frank? Frank, there's, uh, someone here to see you.
Mr.
Bodeen? I'm afraid we have some bad news, sir.
Yes? Sir, we think that we found your wife's body.
AMANDA: With all that's happened, you may need me here.
Hmm? Do you think I ought to take that job Judy was talking about? Amanda, selling Connie Beth Cosmetics door-to-door is perfect.
- You'll be inside every house in this area.
- Yeah.
I'll have the blisters to prove it too.
If we're gonna search the Bodeens', let's do it.
I'm not gonna call my mother and tell her the rummage sale is still running late.
What are you doing? I'm going to bed.
We can't go over there till 3 or 4 in the morning.
Why not? Frank's not there.
He's at the Rosemonts'.
I don't want anyone up to watch us break in.
- Now, are you coming? - No, I can't sleep here.
How would I explain it? - I'd feel like I was lying and sneaking.
- You are lying and sneaking.
- You're working for the government.
- No.
I mean, I would feel guilty.
You know? Like I was having a thing.
Or something.
- You know? Heh.
- A thing? Yes, you know.
- A thing.
- Like an affair? - Yes, that kind of a thing.
- Well, you're not.
Now, do you like a window open at night? - Lee, I have to consider Dean.
- Okay.
- How does he feel about windows? - Never mind, never mind.
- You don't understand - All I understand is that we are on a job.
Now, this is purely business, is that not correct? Yes, that is correct.
Then one of us gets the bed, the other the couch.
I don't care.
But the important thing is, is that we get some sleep.
You tend to get killed less often that way.
Who gets the bed? The senior agent always gets the bed.
Get your mind out of the gutter, would you? [SIGHS.]
Mom always said I could never keep a secret.
Well, I've kept this one, Mom.
And if you could talk, you'd say, "I'm proud of you, Bobby.
" [DOOR OPENS.]
- Well, they haven't found the body.
- Very, very efficient.
I feel bad, naturally, about poor Mrs.
Bodeen but when she stumbled in on our secret we couldn't have her going to the government people.
- Where's the rest of the shipment? - Probably at her house.
Well, get it.
Without being seen.
I don't want anyone coming here looking for it.
You never said, "I'm proud of you, Bobby.
" But, Mom, I'm gonna be so frightfully rich.
[CRICKETS CHIRPING.]
[WHISPERING.]
Keep it down.
[WHISPERING.]
This gives me the creeps.
This way.
We're looking for letters, diaries, phone numbers, anything unusual.
- I'll check upstairs.
- Where should I check? Just check.
AMANDA: Just check? Excuse me.
[SNIFFING.]
[CAT YOWLING.]
Lee.
[SIGHS.]
[IN NORMAL VOICE.]
Lee.
[METAL CLANGS.]
Lee.
Lee.
[AMANDA SCREAMS.]
Mr.
Bodeen.
Oh, Mr.
Bodeen.
[FRANK GRUNTING AND GASPING.]
Lee! Lee! Lee, they're getting away! [TIRES SCREECHING.]
[MAN GRUNTS.]
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
[TIRES SCREECH.]
Hair dryer.
DOTTY: My teacher said I show great promise that probably I should take up pottery as a career.
He's gonna show my stuff at one of those places that makes souvenir plates.
Ah, ah! AMANDA: Boys.
Well, that's wonderful, Mother.
- Come on, boys, stop it.
- What time did you get home last night? - You look exhausted.
- By the time we cleaned up after the rummage sale, it was pretty late.
- Well, Dean just kept calling and calling.
- He kept calling and calling? Well, twice.
I just kept saying, "Not yet, not yet.
" He is patient.
[CAR HORN HONKS.]
Yoo-hoo! Is that you? It is.
They sent over your sample case so I guess you can start your route today.
Isn't that awful about poor Frank getting stabbed? He'd come over to our place but, uh, he just couldn't sleep so he went on home and that's when they got him.
And he was so upset about poor Betty getting strangled.
Well, I've gotta run.
You say hi to your husband.
Bye.
I guess she thought I was someone else.
[AMANDA SIGHS.]
BOBBY: They didn't get a good look at you? - Our faces were covered.
- But you recognized them? - Yes.
And you retrieved the entire shipment from the garage? Good.
L I don't want any trouble at this point.
If we don't finish filling this order, we don't get paid.
I wanna know who those people are, what they saw and what Frank said to them.
And then I want them dead.
Like you always said, Mom, it's a dog-eat-dog world.
Uh, another vodka, straight up.
Well, Amanda.
You should be pleased.
You did very well today.
- Really? - Mm-hm.
- That door-to-door selling is tough.
- Oh, only at first.
But if you stick with Connie Beth you might become a Golden Circle girl.
- Have you made it that far? - Oh, sure.
[AMANDA CHUCKLES.]
So have Karen and Judy.
And poor Betty Bodeen before she died.
Oh, Amanda.
I'm going to help you become a Golden Circle girl.
I know they say I'm competitive, but I'm through with all of that.
- I owe it to Betty.
- You do? Amanda, I've never told this to another living soul but I may have gotten Betty in trouble with the company.
She did something entirely against policy and, uh l I think I may have let that slip to management.
What did she do? I just can't talk about that.
I have to run.
Oh, Harriet, wait.
Please tell me, just, uh If If Golden Circle girls don't sell, ha, ha, what do they do? Well I guess, uh, supply the personal touch to some of our bigger, fussier clients.
I, for example, personally deliver shipments to my local customers.
And for my international clients I clear their orders through customs and make sure it gets on the plane.
You have a lot of clients outside the country who order from Connie Beth? And some of our clients live in sort of primitive places.
I mean, they really appreciate our line of beauty appliances.
Appliances? Well, you know, uh Electric rollers, facial saunas, uh, curling irons.
Hair dryers.
Absolutely.
One of our hottest items.
[HAMMER BANGING.]
There's something strange about this whole Connie Beth thing.
Not only did a murdered woman mention hair dryers but those were her husband's dying words.
And this LeMarq guy has Harriet Rosemont's name on him.
What does Harriet Rosemont do? She works for Connie Beth.
What does Connie Beth sell? Hair dryers.
[LEE CHUCKLES.]
What do you suppose Betty Bodeen did that got her in trouble? It's crooked.
- It is? - Yeah.
Oh.
- What is it? - It's Dean.
On our vacation in Arkansas.
Good likeness.
You and what's-his-name do a lot of fishing, do you? Dean, and yes, we do.
Could we get on with the other conversation? I spent all morning running a recheck on Harriet and her friends Judy and Karen.
All clean as a whistle.
Why did you hang new curtains? The old ones didn't go with the rug that I got and I like my kitchen to be cheery.
Heh.
But, Amanda, this isn't your kitchen.
It's not for real.
I know, but people will come in and out of here and it reflects the kind of people we are, it's the way you do a kitchen.
No, no, no.
How you do a kitchen is you hire a guy with a French name tell him how much you wanna spend, then go skiing.
You know, that's your whole problem.
You're out of touch.
- Out of touch with what? - The way normal people do things.
- I'm normal.
- Oh, sure.
You think sunbathing in Borneo is normal.
People just want to get through a day with healthy kids friends they can count on, a job and a roof over their heads.
Fine.
That normal I'm not.
I don't know how you expect to get to know people.
You never go outside and say "That's a great looking lawn" or, uh, "Who's your tile man?" Or, "Where'd your kid get her braces?" All right.
If you are so damn normal, you solve the case.
- Maybe I will.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- You think so? I'm the one who noticed Betty Bodeen's hair dryer.
I am the one who told you it must have short circuited.
Right.
So it's broken, right? She's standing there, she's got wet hair.
She's desperate.
If she doesn't do something, it's gonna frizz out.
But out in the garage, she's got boxes and boxes of those hair dryers.
So what does she do? I'll tell you what she does.
She goes out there and she opens one of the boxes.
That's what Harriet tells the company and that's what gets her in trouble, killed.
- You just think of that? - Yeah, dumb? - No, good.
- Oh, thanks.
You said Betty Bodeen was one of these people with the special clients? Yeah, that's right.
A Golden Circle girl.
Makes you wonder about these clients, doesn't it? Yeah.
Judy Wainwright's making some deliveries today.
Maybe I'll keep an eye on Judy.
You want me to pick up some groceries? No, no, that's all right.
I have a Connie Beth sales meeting.
Yeah, right.
[LEE CHUCKLES.]
- You know what just happened? - What? We just had our first fight.
As man and wife, that is.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
Right here in our cheery kitchen.
Huh.
- Well, I guess I'll see you later.
- Yup.
- Yeah.
- Okay, yeah.
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
- Have a good one.
Yeah, okay.
- Yeah.
You too.
- Yeah.
You know something? - What? I like blue a lot better.
Oh.
Good, I'm I'm glad.
[AMANDA SIGHS.]
WOMAN [ON PA.]
: - for unloading passengers only.
Freight customers, please follow the blue line to their designated dock area.
I'll just be double-parked a sec.
No problem, Mrs.
Wainwright.
You should have your name on this space.
- Let me help you with that box.
JUD Y: Oh, you're so sweet.
OFFICER: There.
JUD Y: Thank you.
Here, I'll get that.
So tell me, how's your family? OFFICER: Oh, fine.
They enjoyed the gift you gave them.
JUD Y: Your kids home for the holidays? OFFICER: Uh, yeah.
Only one, only one.
JUD Y: Uh-huh.
OFFICER: The other is behind in schoolwork.
JUD Y: I'll get this.
OFFICER: Beautiful, thank you.
OFFICER: Oh, can I give you a hand with that? LEE: Uh, no, thank you.
I'm doing fine.
Ha, ha.
Usual shipment, Mrs.
Wainwright? Oh, yeah, give or take a curling iron or two, Bill.
- Uh, be right with you, sir.
LEE: Yeah, thanks.
BILL: Them seòoritas down there must really like what you sell.
JUD Y: Well - Sign these papers and I'll make sure your things go through customs without delay.
JUD Y: Oh, thank you, Bill.
Oh, did your wife like those night-cream samples I gave her? She loved them.
[MAN ON PA SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY.]
Anything look strange to you, Francine? All of it.
I never use domestic creams.
So how is married life treating you, huh? Dinner at 6? Dishes at 7? TV till 9? - Bed.
- Bed? Francine, I've gained a lot of respect for the generosity and stamina of the American housewife.
You're disgusting.
[CHUCKLES.]
Billy, come over here and look at this.
- What's this look like to you? - I don't know.
Part of a hair dryer.
And? - What's this? - More of the same.
Exactly.
This is what they're attached to.
- That's part of a gun.
- Exactly.
They're full of this stuff.
Hidden among the regular dryer parts.
Who knows what they put in their bigger products? That is why LeMarq had Harriet Rosemont's name on him.
She was supplying him, his very own Connie Beth girl.
And that floated by customs because we're looking for whole weapons, not bits and pieces.
And these housewives are the key to the thing.
What generosity and stamina.
But how could Connie Beth smuggle out enough to make it pay? Oh, Billy, are you kidding? In every PTA and carpool in America there are half a dozen Connie Beth representatives.
It's a national network.
Like the Masons.
They They only use the people they can really trust like these Golden Circle Girls who personally ship the orders without knowing it.
Thousands of packages going out every day through thousands of different freight offices.
Very tough to trace.
We gotta get somebody inside Connie Beth and see who's involved.
Oh, and pull the King woman out of this.
Oh, my God, Amanda.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh, thank you.
[PHONE RINGING.]
Hello? - Hello, is Amanda King there? DOTTY [O VER PHONE.]
: No.
No, she had to go to some kind of a sales meeting.
- Who is this? - Uh, Honeycutt Typewriter, just calling to double-check on her shorthand.
Ah, how wonderful.
My daughter was afraid she wasn't gonna hear from you.
Uh, look, uh, speaking not as her - Connie Beth Cosmetics.
BILLY: Right.
ALL [SINGING.]
: Connie Beth We salute you Here's to a beautiful world Everyone can be lovely You can ask any Connie Beth girl Show me the way to others Learning to polish the pearl Life can become your oyster Just ask any Connie Beth girl [ALL APPLAUDING.]
[GRETCHEN CLEARS THRO AT.]
GRETCHEN: Now, our final item of business, ladies concerns our new tawny buff bronzer pour les femmes.
HARRIET: Mm.
- Ooh, it's nice.
- Isn't this great? It's fabulous, yes.
Uh, listen, Harriet, um, did you ever open one of the packages that the company gave you for your clients? Oh, Amanda, of course not.
I am a Golden Circle girl.
GRETCHEN: Sample packets may be picked up in the foyer.
Guard them with your lives, ladies.
Everyone wants to get their hands on our BOBBY: Are you sure that's her? - Absolutely.
GRETCHEN: Ladies Then I believe we should have her in.
For a chat.
GRETCHEN: Our new kumquat moisturizer for those trouble spots.
One may apply new apricot astringent.
And finally, a frowning face to that Connie Beth girl who was heard saying that our competition, Lovely Lady, is icky.
[ALL CHATTERING.]
My friends, Lovely Lady is not icky.
They are misguided and deserve our pity.
And soon, we will trample them into the dust.
[ALL LAUGH.]
Because what's our motto? ALL: Sell, sell, sell! Precisely.
Ha, ha! [ALL APPLAUDING.]
Ladies, the magic moment is at hand.
Today we will announce the names of those chosen to enter our golden circle.
[WOMEN GASP AND APPLAUD.]
Now, our new Golden Circle girls will kindly stay behind today for a private meeting with our guide to greatness and younger skin, Mr.
Bobby Bushard.
Rise, ladies, and welcome our sisters into a new light.
Our first Golden Circle candidate is Marge Clapton.
[GASPS.]
ALL [SINGING.]
: She's a Golden Circle girl Yes she is, yes she is She's a Golden Circle girl Yes she is She's a Golden Circle girl She's a Golden Circle girl Glenda Babcock.
[GASPS.]
ALL [SINGING.]
: She's a Golden Circle girl Yes she is, yes she is Marion Malone.
ALL [SINGING.]
: She's a Golden Circle girl Yes she is, yes she is She's a Golden Circle girl, Yes she is She's a Golden Circle girl She's a Golden Circle girl She's a Golden Circle girl Yes she is Oh, and, um, Amanda Morton.
[JUD Y GASPS.]
JUD Y: Morton? Amanda, that's you.
- That's you.
MAN: Let's go JUD Y: Amanda, go for it! - Must be some kind of a mistake Harriet, don't be like that.
ALL [SINGING.]
: Yes she is, yes she is She's a Golden Circle girl Yes she is She's a Golden Circle girl She's a Golden Circle girl She's a Golden Circle girl Yes she is [WOMEN APPLAUDING.]
[GRUNTS.]
LEE: Is Amanda still here? - She's inside with Bobby Bushard.
You know, they made her a Golden Circle girl Uh, Lee.
Let's, uh, start again.
Hmm? What were you doing in the Bodeen house on the night of Frank's little mishap and what are you doing here now? Mr.
Bushard, I'm just a Connie Beth trainee.
Do you know what lying does for your skin? Lying causes stress and stress wrinkles the skin.
Capillaries burst, skin flakes.
A lying face is not a pretty face.
Tell me what you were doing in the house and what did Frank say to you? I went to borrow a cup of sugar and Mr.
Bodeen didn't say anything to me because he was already dead.
Willfulness is even less attractive than lying.
[PHONE BUZZES.]
Yes? Affirmative.
My mom, the late, great Connie Beth Bushard she built an empire knowing the intricate workings of a woman's mind.
Now, thrashing you about, while fun, might yield very little.
On the other hand, thrashing someone you care about may get me what I want posthaste.
AMANDA: Oh, no.
- What are you doing here? - Rescuing you.
BOBBY: Okay, kids, let's take it from the top.
Tell me about yourselves, an And don't skip a bit.
Once I get nasty, not even Connie Beth's top of the line can make those faces adorable again.
[SIGHS.]
Well, I just hope this makes you happy.
Okay.
You caught us.
It's true.
We were spying.
And you listen to me.
You said spying for the competition was so easy.
I never said that.
[SCOFFS.]
He's the one who wanted to do it.
He's the one who said there was money in it.
- What? AMANDA: Yes, that's right.
Yes, oh, yes.
It's true.
I'm not a Connie Beth girl.
I'm a Lovely Lady lady.
Oh, the whole damn thing was her idea.
She was whining, "No, we needed more money," more this, more that.
- My idea.
- Yeah.
I was happy where we were.
I was working in lipstick, I was moving my way up to tweezers.
You said I needed diamonds.
Ha! Oh, I should have known better to trust her.
- I don't like diamonds LEE: She masterminded the whole thing.
I don't even like this stuff.
[SCREAMING.]
LEE: Let's go.
Come on, come on.
Davis, get them! I hate women.
- Hairspray, not bad.
- Mace training.
LEE: Hurry, it's down here.
DAVIS: This way.
Up here.
BOBBY: Quickly, quickly! LEE: Hold it.
They got away.
Get them.
AMANDA: Where now? - I don't know.
BOBBY: Hurry! That way! They went upstairs.
BOBBY: Get them.
Get them.
AMANDA: Oh, no! BOBBY: Hurry up.
BOBBY: There they are! LEE: Quick! Go and get something to bar the door.
[BANGING ON DOOR.]
[GUNFIRE.]
No, not that one.
Get the big one.
Hurry, Amanda.
[LEE GRUNTS.]
Get back.
[GUNFIRE.]
Come on.
LEE: Stay down.
Amanda.
All right.
All right, hold on tight.
AMANDA: Oh, my gosh! LEE: Here we go.
AMANDA: Oh, gosh.
[AMANDA SCREAMING.]
AMANDA: Oh, no, no.
No.
Oh! No! BOBBY: They're getting away.
[SIRENS WAILING.]
LEE: Thanks for the lift.
These guys will explain.
Anderson, Bobby Bushard and his men are up on the roof, go on.
Boy, I thought these guys would never get here.
- Come on.
- Yeah.
[SIREN WAILING.]
- Are you all right? - Oh, I'm I'm fine, yes.
- You're sure? - I'm sure.
I'm really I'm all right.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Well, tell me.
Ha, ha.
What was in those hair dryers, anyway? Heh.
Oh, the terrorist guns we were after.
Look, you wanna get a drink? I'll tell you all about it.
Uh, no, I can't.
Maybe some other time, huh? [AMANDA CHUCKLES.]
Give you this.
I guess we won't be needing it anymore.
Yeah, right.
Ha, ha.
- Yeah, I guess the honeymoon is over, huh? - Right, ha, ha.
I guess so.
You know what the whole problem with our marriage was? Ha, ha, what? Just wasn't very exciting.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
Ha, ha.
Mm-hm.
- L-E-T-L-Y.
Quietly.
Ha, ha.
Terrific, sweetheart.
That's much better.
- How's my math, Mom? - Oh, your math is beautiful.
You're both a couple of geniuses.
Get upstairs, get in bed, I'll tuck you in.
- Goodnight, Grandma.
- Goodnight, loves.
Well, I guess I'd better call Dean before it gets much later.
DOTTY: Hmm.
When you took so long getting home, he got quite concerned.
He tried to pretend that he wasn't, but I could detect that little quiver that vaguely strangled quality in his voice.
Mother.
Amanda, I just think concern is an important quality.
That and dependability.
Dean is dependable, don't you think? - Oh, yes, he is.
- He certainly is.
- Absolutely.
- There is no question about it.
The trouble with some people is they vanish from your life just as quickly as they came.
With some men, you can have an absolutely thrilling evening and there's no guarantee you're going to see them again.
You know what I mean? Heh, yeah.
Tell me about it.