School of Thrones (2013) s01e02 Episode Script
Sexposition
Hello, students.
Co-assistant vice-principal Baelish here.
Littlefinger! And as we know, prom approaches.
To bestir and besmolden your young loins.
Thus, a surprise lesson, in sexual education.
Behold! Ah, Sansa! How this reminds me of your mother We were to be prom dates, long ago.
But she determined my clique was beneath even the Tullys.
I was firmly entrenched in the friend zone Whoa, whoa, whoa, cut it out! What? Can't date a Lannister but you get to bro around with Theon Greyjoy? I do not bro around with Ta-da! Theon Greyjoy! Boo! You suck! I hate you already! I thought we weren't talking at school I know, sorry, best dude forever.
But we totally got a party rocking at Renly's this weekend.
You and me? At a Baratheon party? Heck yeah, I can totally sneak us in.
Where was I? Ah, yes, vaginas Hey, Snow, bender in the parking lot after school? Some other time.
Alright.
Tyrion's been passing you a lot of notes lately.
Yeah.
What's his deal anyway? How do I even begin to explain Tyrion Lannister? Tyrion Lannister is a total loner.
And a complete badass.
Dude's got some huge chip on his shoulder.
Probably daddy issues.
All I know is Tyrion Lannister can outdrink any motherfucker in the room.
I hear he does car commercials.
In Pintos.
I hear his hair's insured for like a million gold dragons.
I hear he's secretly a Targaryen.
Tyrion Lannister slapped me in the face.
It was awesome.
Why do you ask? Let me guess.
This has to do with prom, doesn't it? Look, Jon.
The cliques are teetering on the brink of war.
The moment someone opens that envelope, no matter who wins, the school will burn.
Whoo! I see you.
Beauty, have a brew.
Come on, alright.
Yo, Margaery have you seen your brother? - Hey, stud.
- Hey.
- You gotta check this out.
- What? Huh.
Hey, dickface! - No one came to my Lord of Light party.
- No way.
Aren't they awful? Listen.
You're my brother.
Let me make it up to you.
Loras, let's treat my big brother some Arbor red.
No, thank you.
We of the red faith do not imbibe.
I insist.
Hello, fellow Baratheons.
We are here for the Baratheon party.
Ours is the kegger.
Dude, I can't believe you talked me into this.
- I mean if Dad finds out - Hey! You know, who needs to party rock with the popular kids when you're with your best dude forever? I mean, these prom kings, they're just a bunch of tools and weenies, anyways.
Just once, I'd like the crown to rest upon the brow of a true and just bro.
Whoa, epiphany! You should totally run for prom king! - Uh, no, I - Oh yeah, why not? Besides, you'd look super handsome on stage wearing that crown.
I would.
And I could totally show all these punks, punks like Joffrey, who think they can just make out with my sister whenever they want Upon this bestie locket, the Greyjoy water polo team stands beside you until the end.
Best dudes forever! We're best dudes forever, we're the best we can be.
He's my best friend, and his is me.
Coach? Youth now there's a frightening affliction.
Left untended, it leads to depravity, to salacious moral ruin, to heartbreak.
Prom night's pustulent quim will birth nothing sweet, nothing but sorrow.
My council, I beg of you leave this malediction to me.
What are our words? We do not party rock!
Co-assistant vice-principal Baelish here.
Littlefinger! And as we know, prom approaches.
To bestir and besmolden your young loins.
Thus, a surprise lesson, in sexual education.
Behold! Ah, Sansa! How this reminds me of your mother We were to be prom dates, long ago.
But she determined my clique was beneath even the Tullys.
I was firmly entrenched in the friend zone Whoa, whoa, whoa, cut it out! What? Can't date a Lannister but you get to bro around with Theon Greyjoy? I do not bro around with Ta-da! Theon Greyjoy! Boo! You suck! I hate you already! I thought we weren't talking at school I know, sorry, best dude forever.
But we totally got a party rocking at Renly's this weekend.
You and me? At a Baratheon party? Heck yeah, I can totally sneak us in.
Where was I? Ah, yes, vaginas Hey, Snow, bender in the parking lot after school? Some other time.
Alright.
Tyrion's been passing you a lot of notes lately.
Yeah.
What's his deal anyway? How do I even begin to explain Tyrion Lannister? Tyrion Lannister is a total loner.
And a complete badass.
Dude's got some huge chip on his shoulder.
Probably daddy issues.
All I know is Tyrion Lannister can outdrink any motherfucker in the room.
I hear he does car commercials.
In Pintos.
I hear his hair's insured for like a million gold dragons.
I hear he's secretly a Targaryen.
Tyrion Lannister slapped me in the face.
It was awesome.
Why do you ask? Let me guess.
This has to do with prom, doesn't it? Look, Jon.
The cliques are teetering on the brink of war.
The moment someone opens that envelope, no matter who wins, the school will burn.
Whoo! I see you.
Beauty, have a brew.
Come on, alright.
Yo, Margaery have you seen your brother? - Hey, stud.
- Hey.
- You gotta check this out.
- What? Huh.
Hey, dickface! - No one came to my Lord of Light party.
- No way.
Aren't they awful? Listen.
You're my brother.
Let me make it up to you.
Loras, let's treat my big brother some Arbor red.
No, thank you.
We of the red faith do not imbibe.
I insist.
Hello, fellow Baratheons.
We are here for the Baratheon party.
Ours is the kegger.
Dude, I can't believe you talked me into this.
- I mean if Dad finds out - Hey! You know, who needs to party rock with the popular kids when you're with your best dude forever? I mean, these prom kings, they're just a bunch of tools and weenies, anyways.
Just once, I'd like the crown to rest upon the brow of a true and just bro.
Whoa, epiphany! You should totally run for prom king! - Uh, no, I - Oh yeah, why not? Besides, you'd look super handsome on stage wearing that crown.
I would.
And I could totally show all these punks, punks like Joffrey, who think they can just make out with my sister whenever they want Upon this bestie locket, the Greyjoy water polo team stands beside you until the end.
Best dudes forever! We're best dudes forever, we're the best we can be.
He's my best friend, and his is me.
Coach? Youth now there's a frightening affliction.
Left untended, it leads to depravity, to salacious moral ruin, to heartbreak.
Prom night's pustulent quim will birth nothing sweet, nothing but sorrow.
My council, I beg of you leave this malediction to me.
What are our words? We do not party rock!