Sherri (2009) s01e02 Episode Script

la, la, la, la la, la, la, la la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Oh, this muffin is awful.
One of the blueberries is moving.
Well, you want to try and sneak up to the lawyers' break room, See what kind of muffins they have? Ooh, lawyer muffins.
But i can't.
I have to leave for that audition soon.
What for? Oh, it's one of the "law & orders".
I'd be playing uncooperative witness number one.
You're always uncooperative.
I know.
I'm perfect.
Oh, but i'm really nervous.
I haven't booked any acting jobs since i kicked kevin out.
You'll get this one.
I better.
There's this one woman I feel like i always lose parts to Traci fabricant.
Easy, there.
Stop fussing with your hair.
It's flawless.
Thank you.
It's desiree, my lucky audition wig.
She has never let me down.
I sported her when they let me co-Headline at carolines mm-Hmm.
when i got those two lines on "ugly betty," And when i did not get that last eddie murphy movie.
Thank you, wig.
It's a lifesaver.
It's a godsend.
It's a miracle.
Mm.
What's under there? It's a train wreck.
And if summer asks where i am You're bringing a brief to court.
i'm bringing a brief to court.
Right.
Mr.
Davis, can i talk to you for a second? Go.
Okay, "i am proudly participating In the breast-Health-Awareness walkathon.
" Where's that alfano brief? I'll have it for you next week.
"A generous pledge from you "Would not only help me reach my goal, "But it would help raise awareness Of the important issue of breast health.
" Yeah, sure.
Sign me up.
Thank you.
Angie, i'm sure mr.
Davis has a schedule to keep.
It's a 10k.
How much can i put you down for? 25 bucks a "k.
" That's $250.
Angie, you have your pledge.
Stop hovering.
And, sir, i put the proofed contracts on your desk One day earlier than requested.
Thanks, uh Summer.
[ Laughs .]
Summer dickie.
Paralegal office manager for the past nine years.
Nine years, wow.
How is it we've never met? We have, just every monday in the weekly staff meeting.
Well, welcome aboard.
Aw, skip.
[ Laughs .]
Funny skip.
[ Laughs .]
Skip the kidder.
[ Laughs .]
He knows me.
No, he don't.
Well, celia, it's time i go to court to deliver that brief.
In your fancy hair? [ Chuckles .]
You think i didn't notice the desiree? Of course you did.
I feel so foolish trying to put one over on you.
As you should.
Honestly, summer, I don't deserve a manager as kind as you are.
There is no reason for me to sneak off to an audition When all you want is the best for me.
When i was a little girl, My dream was to become an actress.
And if not for you, it would stay just a dream And have no chance of ever coming true.
You've got 45 minutes.
For the record, i was with you through "little girl.
" Then it got hammy.
Good luck, sherri.
Go get that job.
Go get them.
[ Voice breaking .]
"officer, when i left, he was alive.
" [ Normal voice .]
"officer, when i left, he was alive.
" Traci fabricant.
They're expecting me.
Traci fabricant.
Sherri robinson.
Hi! Traci! Where have you been? I thought you fell off the face of the earth.
Auditioning, same as you.
Remember i saw you at the "all my children" call two weeks ago? Oh, that's right.
Did you get it? Oh, no, wait.
I did.
[ Laughs .]
Fabricant, they're ready for you.
Oh, why don't we let sherri go first? I'm sure she has to get back to some little day job.
Actually, traci, i don't have a day job anymore.
Oh, you poor thing.
Laid off? Quit.
My dream came true.
I'm making enough money to be a full-Time actress.
Oh, really? In fact, If any of you have day jobs you have to get back to, Feel free to go ahead of us.
[ Chuckles .]
Oh, that's great.
Good luck to you all.
You're stress paper-Clipping.
Oh, it's just a necklace.
Jump rope.
I was supposed to hear about that audition today.
Come on, phone, ring.
Ring, damn it.
Br-R-Ing! [ Laughs .]
Sike! Good morning.
Okay, so get this.
One "k" really far.
And 10 of them in a row like, why? You know, i almost quit a million times.
But summer was there, every step of the way, cheering me on.
Oh, wow, that was really sweet of you.
Sweet, my fat fanny.
If i'm paying, i want to make sure she's walking.
No one's gonna rip summer off again.
It's a charity.
You can't get ripped off.
Oh, sure, and then before you know it, That kid in the subway Who sold you candy so he can go to band camp Has taken your credit-Card numbers And bought himself a russian escort and a snow-Cone machine.
Here's my check, angie.
Every little bit helps.
Good, 'cause it's just a little bit.
Oh, mr.
Davis.
Not now.
Okay, i need that $250 that you pledged.
Remember when i said not now? Still not now.
Somebody's here to see me.
Glad you could make it.
My office is just this way.
[ Door closes .]
Um, sherri? Oh, here i am.
Oh, that was just weird.
I just got turned around there for a second.
No, you ran and hid.
Is she gone? Who? Fabricant that actress i always see at every audition.
I thought i recognized her.
She's in everything.
She is not in everything! Sherri, why were you hiding? Okay, so, maybe i told her i was so successful I didn't have to work a day job anymore.
But you're a paralegal.
That's a great job.
Of course it is.
Yet you just tried to file yourself.
Yeah, like you're embarrassed to be seen here.
No, that's not it at all.
She was being so competitive.
And i wanted to take the high road.
So in the interest of time, i lied.
Now, you know i love working here.
I love the people i work with, And this is cold! For all the money that i pay this firm, This coffee can't be hot? Sherri? Hi, traci! What are you doing here? Oh, just picking up an enormous royalty check.
And you? Oh, tv contracts been signing all morning.
Ow.
I guess you heard the news about the audition.
No.
I got the part.
[ Chuckles .]
What's that expression? Again! Oh.
Great.
Congratulations.
Well, i'm off to a meeting on a set with a director.
Good day, paralegals.
You do meaningful and relevant work.
So, that sherri, huh? [ Chuckles .]
Pretending she's not a paralegal? Forget her.
We can hang out, the three of us bffs.
Hey, vulture, i'm wounded, not dead.
I saw an opening.
I come bearing upstairs muffins.
I am so sorry about the way i behaved.
Why do i worry about what people think of me Especially fabricant? Fabricant you know, she didn't need that job.
I needed that job.
You'll get the next one, sweetie.
And what if i don't? How many more times can i put myself through this? Oh, hey, hey, hey, no.
You're just a little off your game, But you're not out of the game.
Maybe i want to be.
You don't mean that.
I'll tell you, there's nothing like having your husband Knock up a 23-Year-Old sandwich maker To rattle your confidence.
I've lost my mojo.
No, you haven't.
No, mnh-Mnh.
You're sherri robinson.
You are mojo.
[ Cellphone rings .]
Perfect.
My agent.
Well, answer it.
Hi.
Another audition? You know what? I can't do this anymore.
Oh, sherri, you can't give up acting.
It's your dream.
Which i'm not even close to getting.
I'm not in the ballpark of my dreams.
I'm not even in the parking lot.
I'm, like, on the subway getting to the shuttle Across the street.
We get it.
Your dreams haven't materialized.
Yeah, and who are you telling? I thought by now i would have hooked up with jon bon jovi.
Yeah, that's exactly the same thing.
I know what you need.
You need a dream board.
Yeah, i read about it in a magazine at the salon.
See, you find pictures of things that you want, You paste them on the board, and then you get them.
You didn't get to the part where you get on the unicorn And ride to the magical land of rainbows and candy.
The magazine said it worked.
And you know what? We can do it together.
Yeah, dream-Board parties are very in right now.
All you need is magazines, scissors, and glue.
It's like making a ransom note.
Come on, sherri.
Come on, it's worth a shot.
It'll be fun.
Wow.
Bo's with my dad tonight.
So i guess we could order in.
Yeah, i'm confused.
You're sitting, but break time ended two minutes ago.
You know, we could get some scissors and stuff from the supply closet.
Oh, and maybe there's some puffy paint in there, too! At a law firm? Maybe.
Nobody is getting any supplies Without an approved requisition form.
I was hoping we could use them at a party tonight Us girls all us girls.
All.
Me, too? Wouldn't feel right without you.
You know, if i had one ounce of self-Respect, I'd tell you how much it hurts That you think i am so easily manipulated That i would abandon my integrity Just to have five minutes at the cool kids' table.
But lucky you.
I'll bring the wine.
Ooh, look, a coach wallet for my dream board.
I may never be a star, But at least my madison op art checkbook holder Will be fabulous.
I'm putting lisa rinna's abs on mine.
Her lips are weird.
Oh, yeah, i cut those off.
I still don't understand the rules of this party.
Summer, don't worry about the rules.
It'll help take the edge off things.
All i am is edge.
Take it off, i disappear.
It's really easy to do, see? I cut out this picture of a church.
It's bigger than the one the reverend has now.
And he also needs a new keyboard.
Wait a minute.
This is not the reverend's dream board.
This is yours.
But he's my husband.
His dreams are my dreams.
You can't say that with a straight face.
This is me, remember? What is your dream? Okay, well, sometimes after serving my community And doing the lord's work, I just want to knock somebody out.
What? That's right.
I said it.
My dream is to be a lady boxer.
[ Bell dings .]
Well, it's not all the time, Just after i've done a lot of good.
So, here's my board.
Glitter, because it's pretty.
Highlights, because they're pretty.
And this.
A mallet? You want to play whack-A-Mole? No.
It's a gavel.
I want to be a judge.
Wow, i did not see that one coming.
When i was a kid, my brothers got away with murder.
And i got in trouble for every little thing.
All my life, i've been saying it's not fair, Like this lawyer who won't pay me The money he owes me for the walkathon.
I want to bring skip davis to justice.
Announcer: real trials.
Real verdicts.
Judge angie.
Okay, mr.
Davis, i've read the complaint.
You sponsored a gorgeous young woman In a breast-Health-Awareness walkathon But then refused to pay.
Well i'm listening.
Well, your honor, i You're an idiot, sir.
Judgment in favor of the plaintiff In the amount of $250.
And, bailiff, throw his ass in jail Just because i can.
Oh, i get it.
So you want to be a tv judge? Oh, real court takes forever.
I don't want to sound rude, But i am dream bored.
That's because you've been staring At a blank poster board all night.
Put something on it.
Yeah, one wish you always wanted to come true.
Well, i'd love to be able to digest wheat.
Sherri, what's on your dream board? Well This is such a thrill for me.
I've always dreamed of being on your show, mr.
Philbin.
Listen, i'm reading in page six Some interesting things about you.
Yeah, you're engaged to lenny kravitz.
[ Laughs .]
whoa! That must feel pretty good after that divorce, huh? Oh, way better than good.
It felt great! She really is on fire, you know Tony award, oscar, emmy, people's choice award.
Well, regis, if that was a question, Then the answer is yes i have those.
You know, you really are the most accomplished woman Of our time of our generation.
What's your secret? First of all [ sighs .]
It is true.
I have accomplished a tremendous amount.
And my secret i believe in myself.
You know, you've got a lot of mojo.
That's good.
Excuse me, regis.
Can i cut in a sec? Of course.
Joining us now is sherri's best friend, celia.
Why do i know that? Hey, i was in the middle of an interview.
I don't understand.
Your dream is that you want to believe in yourself? Yeah.
Well, then, believe in yourself.
Come on, sherri i mean, the outside Of your life may have changed.
But what's inside you that never changes.
Oh, that is so good.
That needs to be on a mug.
You know what else should be on a mug? Wheat is hard to eat.
Sherri, don't give up.
You know you'll regret it.
You're right.
What was i thinking? I'm going to call my agent.
I'm gonna go to that audition.
And i'm gonna get the part.
Mm-Hmm.
So thank you.
Thank you for making me do this.
Thank you for supporting my dream.
Oh, my god.
How much fun was last night? It was, but drinking and staying out late On a monday who do i think i am? Me.
I sure hope sherri's audition is going well.
Ooh, coffee.
Uh-Oh, poor summer hangover? No, thanks, i already have one.
Have you been in those clothes all night? Oh, one can only hope.
I woke up on the staten island ferry With a giant yankees beer hat And a handful of chips from an indian casino.
The rest is a blur.
Want to hear something freaky? I think we just did.
My dream board is coming true.
I figured out how to get justice from skip davis.
If he wants this brief for court, He will fork over that $250.
And justiceis served.
[ Laughs .]
Whoo! I got the part! All right! Honest, they hired me right there in the room.
They sent everybody home.
That has never happened to me before.
Oh! Bam, pow! That's how we do! Great.
What's the part? It doesn't matter.
I went in there, and i nailed it.
And i didn't even wear desiree.
Okay, but what's the part? Something medical, blah, blah, blah that's not the point.
The point is it's a national commercial, and i got it.
I'm very Focus on the victory! Who's the genius who made a ransom note with glitter? Genius? Thank you.
Give me my alfano brief.
Well, give me my $250 dollars.
That's blackmail.
It's charity.
Well played.
Damn straight.
Bailiff, get him out of here.
[ Giggles .]
Wait.
Mr.
Davis? What? I just have to ask.
How big was traci fabricant's royalty check? Again, what? Your client she was in here yesterday.
She's not my client.
She's my dog walker.
I owed her three months' pay.
[ Laughs .]
Dog walker? [ Laughter .]
Why do i come down here? I can't wait to see her at my next audition.
Fabricant! Announcer: don't let embarrassing moments Keep you from living life.
I got to pee.
I got to pee.
I got to pee right now! Oh! Announcer: streaminex may cause dry mouth And abdominal cramping, rapid weight gain, And erections lasting more than four hours.
Streaminex is an exclusive product Of lederman laboratories.
Yay, my mommy's the "i got to pee" lady.
I guess so.
Let's just hope celia didn't see it.
[ Telephone rings .]
Yeah, she saw it.
[ Telephone beeps .]
Hello, celia.
[ Celia laughing .]
I got to pee! I got to pee! I got to pee! I'll see you tomorrow, celia.
[ Laughs .]