Single Drunk Female (2022) s01e02 Episode Script

1 Samantha.
I can see you.
Oh, I just I thought I left a box back here.
I hate to play the manager card, but when you're on the clock, I expect you to work the whole time.
I know, I'm sorry.
I haven't slept in days, okay? How many days since your last drink? Why does everybody keep asking me that? Nine very boring and miserable days.
You're a newborn.
You're basically in the birth canal.
I don't know if you remember the birth canal, but I do.
It's my first memory.
Let's start with a meeting.
At Club 24/7.
I promised your sponsor aka my sponsor first that I'd keep an eye on you.
I miss being a drunk.
There was a lot less accountability.
All right.
- Hi.
- Hey, you're still here.
Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence.
- Oh, dude, no, I just meant that - It's fine.
I'm fairly impressed with myself, as well.
Okay.
Okay.
- Cool.
I'm gonna go sit over there.
- All right, yeah.
If anybody asks where you are, I can let them know.
Oh, that's so cute.
No.
No offense at all intended, but you can't sit with me until you work on your aesthetic.
But you brought me here.
In this room, I'm not your boss.
I'm your chic friend who needs you to try a little harder.
Yikes, that had to hurt.
- I am so sorry, yeah.
- Yeah, mm-hmm.
No one told me this was like the high school cafeteria all over again, except this time I'm way less cute.
Oh.
So you were at the good table at your high school cafeteria? Well, I was the good table at my high school cafeteria.
Little tip, though? - Mm-hmm? - Just put, like, your set of keys or, like, a business card on a chair so nobody takes your seat.
Yeah, I think it's safe to say I don't have a business card.
Or keys.
Hmm.
You can borrow mine.
Is this you giving me your number? Uh, no, that is for you to put on a chair so that nobody takes your seat.
Like I just said, yeah? Good morning.
Is there coffee? - I'll get it.
- Thank you.
Couldn't sleep? Not in ten days.
You know I should have changed that mattress.
We've had that since, what, 1998? I thought about it over the years, but then I figured nobody's ever gonna sleep in there again, so, you know.
I get it you'd love for me to leave.
That is not what I meant.
I love that you're here.
I just hate that you have to be here.
For you.
Look, we're on the same team, okay? You want me out, I want to be out.
I'm saving money already.
Not a lot of money, but give it a few months.
You know, I'll get a real job, start paying rent somewhere.
Don't rush it.
I want you to be healthy.
So, what is the usual time frame for being recovered? Got to get out of Carol's house.
She says she doesn't want me out, but I know she does.
You know I'd put you up, but I got my kid and the salon, and I just don't really want to.
Yeah, I don't blame you.
Okay, so, uh, how we doing this? You go up to the front and buy this and I'll just act really chill and we can meet behind the dumpsters? It's an employee discount, not a bank heist.
You just get me when you're ready to check out.
- Everybody does it.
- Oh, cool.
Oh, shit, I forgot the Saran.
Okay, so, look.
This is the meat slicer.
She's gorgeous.
Oh, she's a she? Yes, obviously, just didn't want to name her, 'cause that would've been creepy.
Of course.
All right, come on, give it a go, come on.
Oh, yeah, listen, no, it's, like, super nice of you to show me the ropes and everything, but I'm actually not gonna be working here that long.
You know, it's kind of a temporary thing for me.
Okay, don't look at it like that, because you might actually be good at this.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, I just think this might be a waste of your time.
Don't be afraid to succeed.
Come on, step on up.
- Okay.
- Okay.
We gonna take this, put that in your hand, because you're gonna catch the meat.
All right.
That there? Okay.
The best piece of advice I can give you never ask the customers how thin they want it.
You do not want to deal with the politics.
All right, now.
There you go, let it fall nicely.
All right, all about the meat.
It's all in the shoulders, girl.
But you keep practicing, okay? You got this.
Okay.
Sam! Sammy.
Get out! Abort! What? What are you doing? No way Sam! What's up? - It-it's been a minute.
- You're not wrong.
Yeah, Brit told me you were back in town.
I was gonna call you, but, uh I-I didn't.
Hell Hey, Sam.
Hey.
It's great to see you guys.
Yeah.
No, we were just, we were just we were, uh, grocery shopping and I know that sounds obvious.
But, um this is great.
This is great.
You got a job.
And at Giovanni's.
I mean such good produce.
Really, really good, impressive.
Yeah, but she's just volunteering.
She usually helps the elderly with their groceries and such.
But I'm sure she could help you out just this once.
- At a meat counter? - Felicia, it's fine.
Not just at the meat counter, Brit.
She's in all different departments, right? I just, I work here, that's it.
I work here, you know? This is my hairnet.
What? Since when? I can never keep up with her, right? I'm gonna leave you to it.
So, uh, can we order something? Or we don't have to Oh, yeah.
Mm-hmm.
- Sure.
- Cool, uh, half a pound of that turkey pastrami, please.
Uh, how's your dad's contracting business going? Uh, you know what, it's actually Joel's business now.
Huh.
Yeah, my dad had to have his hips replaced, so I'm pretty lucky.
It's, um it's a little more than half a pound.
- Sorry about that.
- It's okay.
It's perfect, great.
I'm really proud of you, Samantha.
I know that it's not easy to start over.
Do you know where the tortillas are? I don't.
Okay.
I'll find 'em.
It'll be fun, like a game or something.
- Yeah.
- See ya.
So, it's really lucky that I ran into you, 'cause the insurance didn't totally cover the damage to the party bus and your part's $5,000.
You want me to pay you $5,000? - Yeah.
- Brit come on, are you serious? You think I would be doing this if I had $5,000? Look, I'm sorry, but you did the damage, so you're gonna have to figure it out.
Look, this isn't my dream to have to ask you.
This is really hard.
It doesn't have to all be at once.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Ooh, that was rough.
You ready to do the discount? Hey, Mindy, um, I've recently been hit with some unexpected expenses, and that plus what I owe the city well, it's a lot.
Uh-huh.
You know, I'm not sure if you kept my résumé, but if you did, you'd know that I graduated magna cum laude from NYU and I've managed teams of people, so yeah I'd love to throw my hat in the ring for that assistant management position.
Despite what you may have heard or witnessed, uh, I think I could hit this out of the park, in exchange for just a small salary bump.
You don't have a salary.
- What? - Samantha, you can't even slice meat.
Okay, it's actually a lot more difficult than it looks, And I'm learning how to slice meat 'cause Doris is a wonderful mentor.
I-I just Look, I am in a little bit of trouble here.
So if there is anything like, really anything I would just love the chance to show you that I can excel here.
I will totally do that if you start doing even your job.
But great energy here.
Hi.
Oh, hi, sorry.
Uh, I'm Samantha.
I'm looking for Olivia.
Oh, I thought you were my burrito.
- Oh.
- Oh, hey.
Hey, sorry, I tried calling.
Oh.
Yeah.
We're about to go jogging.
This is Samantha.
She's one my sponsees.
Oh, hi, Samantha.
I'm Stephanie.
Hi, Stephanie, it's nice to meet you.
It's pronounced "Stefani," like Gwen.
Sorry.
- It's okay.
- Baby, can I have five minutes? I thought we said no more sponsees in the house, 'cause it's like you're the coach - in Friday Night Lights.
- I know, but you love - that character.
- I know, but I don't love - being married to that character.
- I know, but be my Connie Britton and just give me this five Okay, Kyle Chandler, I love you.
Five minutes.
- Okay, I love you so much.
- Love you back.
- You're my world.
I love you.
- I love you.
Beyond, beyond.
Yes.
Okay, come on in.
Cool leggings.
Thanks.
My wife makes these.
She's launching a girl-power athleisure company.
Girl Boss-ton.
Anyway, it's very funny, it's extremely cute.
- And I think it's got a great message.
- Plus she's super hot.
We've been together forever and I'm obsessed with her still.
Anyway, we have to go quick or she'll kill me.
What's up? Basically, I need money.
Like, a lot of it.
'Cause Brit wants me to pay for the party bus.
You'd think she'd be able to let that go since she's marrying my ex-boyfriend, but no.
She hit me up today, while I was wearing a hairnet, - elbow deep in meat.
- That's a tough day.
And, um, I can't ask my mom for money again, 'cause she'll own me, so Well, the good news is you don't have to do that.
Oh, okay, good.
What do I do? Oh, um, I don't know.
What do you mean? Well, I'm not your financial advisor.
Part of your recovery is to act like an adult in the world and figure out a solution.
Um, so Sorry, but what is the point of talking to you? - Pardon? - It's just, like, you can't help me figure out the money stuff.
You only tell me what not to do, so I'm just trying to figure out, like, what do you actually do? I help you stay sober in this moment.
Did you drink today? - No, but - Did you want to drink? Yes, that's why I came here.
That's great.
I'm good at my job.
What about everything else? All of those problems your mom, the money, your friends, your ex those all stem from your drinking.
So so what do I do? Don't drink.
Right.
Okay, so I have to ask my mom for money.
Ooh, who said that? Sorry to interrupt.
I'm just grabbing Josh.
Thought you guys would be done now.
So Hi, baby, hi.
Hi, Joshy boy.
Baby, we just need two more minutes.
Okay.
Okay, you are smart and you don't need to solve this problem right now.
The only thing you need to do is to stay sober today.
One day at a time.
Oh, boy, okay.
Thank you.
Really nice to meet you.
Love the leggings.
Oh my God, thank you.
Wait, don't leave, don't leave.
I'll get you a pair.
No, honestly, it's fine.
- Take Josh.
- Yep.
Okay.
Um, what size are you? - A small? - I would've guessed that.
They're so cute.
Hey, Mom? - Sam? - I need s Yeah? You're early.
- For what? - For nothing.
For I was I wasn't expecting you home.
I thought you had one of your meetings.
Oh, no, I only had two today.
'Cause I'm killing it.
You must be Samantha.
I am.
Who are you? Bob.
Bob Wolcowicz.
- Bob is in my spiritual book club.
- Yeah.
- Ah.
- We're seeing each other.
Romantically.
Well, I'm very happy for you both.
You did lie.
You lied.
You want me out.
So you can slut, slut, slut! You you keep your voice down.
He doesn't need to know how volatile you are! Me? I'm the problem.
You are the one who is kicking out your own daughter, your terribly in-debt daughter, who might wind up in jail because she can't pay.
But, ooh, you would love that, wouldn't you? So you could be alone with Bob! Not about Bob! It's about me! I want to be alone in my own house sometimes.
It's not your house, it's Dad's house, it's all of our house! And now you want to talk about dad.
Samantha, I want to get my groove back.
I can't get my groove back when you are always here.
You are 28.
Why do you care who I date?! I don't know! Wow.
That was fast.
Eh, it's either this or 90-Day Fiancé.
I just I can't believe I got that close.
You're fine.
I've done so much worse.
- No, you haven't.
- Sam, I used to blackout and steal dogs.
Like, I would wake up just with a dog and not remember how it got there.
I just I feel like that's kind of cute.
- I'm a felon.
- Yeah, I could've been.
They would've called me, like, the Doggy Bandit or something.
But they didn't.
- They did not.
- You got away with it.
I got away with it.
I have so many dogs now.
- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh! And this one time I took a little bit of my friend's mom's ashes and spread them in the Charles, because I thought it was a nice thing to do.
Okay, that makes me feel a little bit better, 'cause I don't think I've ever spread anyone's ashes.
Like, not even my own dad's.
He's just sitting on my mom's side table.
Although she would probably hit it now that she's schtupping her friend Bob.
It's always a Bob.
My mom has a Bob, but his name's Daryl.
Which is the Bob of Black people.
I didn't I didn't know that.
Yeah.
Thank you for picking me up.
Yeah, of course.
I just wanted to show you my car, though.
It's nice.
We could just go to Good Time Sally's and relive that night I have absolutely no memory of.
Yeah, let's-let's go relapse together, great.
Well, we could skip the relapse part and just do the sex thing.
That sounds great.
But I can't.
Because you're kind of untouchable until you're a year and a day sober.
You're serious? Yeah.
It's, like, a famous thing.
And I kind of have to be a rules guys.
Well, I would like to go on the record as saying that rule blows.
- Mm.
- Who can I complain to? Uh no one.
They just had to get that day in there.
Dicks.
I never believed in ghosts - until I saw Ghost.
- Love that movie.
- Right? - Yes.
And it's true, they-they are around.
I have one in my house right now as we speak, I mean, he's not haunting me or anything.
He's just kind of hanging out.
Like a college roommate who's girlfriend lives in a better dorm.
I always wanted to see ghosts, but they never came to see me.
I was sure my Aunt Nan was gonna haunt me.
She was such a bitch.
It would be just like her to come back from the other side and torture me.
Well, maybe you have to come over to my place and meet my ghost roommate.
- That could be good.
- Yeah.
We could get little spooky.
Yes, we can.
- Mmm.
- I'm gonna go pee.
You stay here and don't a move a muscle.
Okay.
Oil can.
If it isn't you again.
Oh, it is you again.
I like that we're becoming more playful with each other.
Where's my mom, Bob? I killed her.
I'm kidding.
I wouldn't kill her.
I might.
Uh, all right, I'm gonna - go to my room.
- Okay.
Hey, uh, before you go, I-I just wanted to say that I think you're doing a really great job.
Thanks? I hit my bottom a few years back.
Not with alcohol.
But with a near-death experience.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, I was skydiving, and you know at the end, when you land and you run for a little bit? Well, I fell over instead and got dragged and I broke my tibia.
The near-death experience was breaking your tibia? Yes.
It was a near-death experience until it wasn't.
So, anyway, I went to physical therapy, and healed my tibia and I discovered my true passion in life, which is helping other people.
And I became a personal trainer, started reading a lot of Glennon Doyle, which led the new me to book club, which led me to Carol, your mom, and I've never been happier.
And that could be you.
Well, thank you for the pep talk, Bob.
Well, I hope it was helpful.
- It was.
- Okay.
I'm glad that we got a chance to chat, because your mom speaks so so very highly of you.
Mm, I bet.
She told me all about how you were the star of your soccer high school team and your time in New York and working at that website Bzzzzzzzzzz.
That's a that's an awesome name.
We even took one of your quizzes the other day.
What was the name of the quiz we did the other day? "Which Ariana Grande boyfriend are you?" Yes! That's right! I was, uh, Pete Davidson.
Which makes sense, because I am covered in crappy tattoos.
You are not.
All will be revealed in the fullness of time.
You know what, actually, I think I'm gonna go to Felicia's 'cause I haven't seen her in a little while, so - love you.
- Love you.
Nice initiative, Samantha.
Yeah, it's, uh, not as easy as it looks when Doris does it.
Anyway, here's your paycheck.
- Oh.
- It is, in all honesty, a very tiny amount of money.
But I'll slot you in for a few extra shifts next week.
They're yours if you like cash.
Yes, please, thank you.
I'll take anything.
That's your first sober paycheck.
You should be proud.