Small Time Gangster (2011) s01e02 Episode Script

You've been in our crew for, what, 20 years? A fuckin' orphan waif to our best.
And now you'll take my son on your jobs, take him under your wing.
You're gonna show me how to waste some guys, huh? Tony, get me some cream and your arse home.
Right now.
No, Tony! Look, Artie, just calm down, mate.
Alright? I never thought you'd do this to me, mate.
I thought we were mates.
Artie! What? What's wrong? Nothing.
No, no.
All good.
Full steam ahead.
OK.
Fuck! I can't concentrate.
There's a din.
A din? Yes, a din.
There's a loud bloody din.
It's like a fuckin' Acca Dacca concert.
Hey, hey, hey.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Relax.
OK, OK.
Shh.
Is it hot in here? I wish.
Christ.
I don't get it.
I mean, you could set your watch by it, you know? Every morning at exactly the same time, up the mast and a full salute.
Alright.
OK.
Can we just stop with that? Can you just tell me why you're so stressed? It's just work.
Oi! Dickhead! Jesus, Dean! You're gonna give me a heart attack.
Haven't you got a home to go to? Well, yeah.
But it's not as good as this home.
Couldn't wait for the break to finish so we could get back to work.
Perfect.
Nice and hot.
You ready to go? Just a sec Now? Oh, yeah.
Noisy fuckin' dickhead! Tony! Here you go.
Do your worst.
Am I a monster? I mean, is that how people actually see me? You wouldn't be much use to me if you weren't, hon.
You OK? You seem stressed.
I'm picking up Barry's wannabe gangster son.
Break a leg.
Someone else's.
Boom! First day on the job.
This is the fuckin' shit.
My dad showed me that movie last night, 'The Mechanic'.
Have you seen it? You'd love it.
I'll burn it for you.
You're like the old bloke in it who gets killed.
I'm like the sick young apprentice who kills him.
Before we kick off, we've got ground rules, alright? I've got it.
Master and apprentice.
Look, I'm not a hit man.
Tell me, is this poofter jumpsuit so you don't get splattered with blood and brains and shit? 'Cause shit, yeah, if it is.
I am not a hit man and neither are you, OK? 'Heavy', 'standover man', 'debt collector' - sure, all of the above - that's me.
But the suit, the van, the apprentice in the van - they're all cover, OK? You've been practising that.
I've got it, bro.
Don't worry.
You're a standover man who pretends to be a carpet cleaner, yeah? Yeah.
Gay.
Hey, you just do what I tell you, capisce? Oooh, shit! Son, 'capisce'? Baby, I capisce like a mofo, eh? I love the wog lingo.
One, don't talk like a gangster.
You got a silver spoon halfway up your arse and it makes you sound like a dick! And two, the work we do we keep quiet, OK? Dean in the van doesn't know anything about anything and that is the way it stays.
Bro! Is he retarded? No, he's a Kiwi.
Am I sacked? 'Sicked'? No-one's sacked.
'Cause if I am, I've gotta tell Centrelink, otherwise I get in trouble, eh? Oi, shut the fuck up, Gollum, or I'll fuckin' chuck ya into the fires of Mount Doom, baby! Dean, Charlie.
Charlie, Dean.
You swear a lot.
What's the best way to get blood out of carpet, fellas? Stay.
What are we doing here? Good tradesmen use only the best tools.
Tools? What, you mean like guns and Glocks and shit? Yeah, yeah, yeah, except I don't need a gun.
Staying small-time, that's the key.
You get the job done, fly under the radar.
It's the only way to survive.
Fuck.
I'm getting a hard-on.
Tone, Tone, Tone.
Get it off! Get it off! Gary, Gary, it's alright, mate.
Antonio, who is this little prick? Charlie.
Charlie who? Barry's boy.
Barry Barry? Yeah.
Bit late in the day, isn't it? Want a fuckin' Red Bull or what? Come on.
Bloody headaches.
I can't get rid of them.
It's like termites leakin' out me brain.
I tell ya, I'd be a nervous wreck if it wasn't for the goey.
Ohhh, shit.
Oh, wicked.
No, you don't.
I got I got cash, bro.
Why didn't you say so, mate? Now, our Israeli friends don't spend all their time skinning their gherkins.
They also produce this little gem.
Ceramic, believe it or not.
Get you through detectors, no worries.
Check this out.
Shoots around corners.
He doesn't need hardware.
Maybe a set of training wheels.
Coke? H? Crank? Crack? Ice? No, Gaz.
I can get you a new Hummer.
55K.
With rego, no more to pay, drive away.
Totally sweet, mate.
I know a guy who knows a guy in Broady.
Hey, Gary.
Completely fuckin' guaranteed.
Gary! What? I need something powerful but non-lethal.
You're normally a hands-on kind of guy.
Oh, scare factor.
Alright.
I've got just the thing.
How ya been, mate? Yeah, good, good.
Havin' trouble filling out my fuckin' BAS, but you know, what's new? You ever wake up one day, you know, just feeling like you need a break? Yeah.
That's the problem with our line of work.
No holiday pay, no accident compo.
Everyone says so-and-so's got a contract out on them but you ever seen a fuckin' contract? Know what I mean? I rest my point.
Gotcha! Man, this is a good one, Tones.
Plenty to do in there, eh? You right on your own, mate? I've got some running around to do.
Be pretty boring.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
No worries.
Look, we might be a while, mate.
Why don't you grab yourself a burger? Oh, Tones.
Watch out for the apple pies this time.
They're hot, remember? Oh, yeah.
Got it.
I know everything about you.
You know that? Is that right? Everyone knows Tony P.
Little orphan boy.
Used to get a hard time on the street.
Came in with old Les.
He was the best in the business.
Now you are.
You're a machine.
Live alone in a factory downtown.
Nobody knows which one, though.
Decked out with, like, weapons and shitloads of martial arts shit.
The boys reckon you're a stone-cold killer.
And I'm talking, like, fuckin' Biggie and Tupac-style.
Fuck, Tupac.
Well? Well, what? Is the fuckin' shit true? Yeah.
It's just me.
No family.
That's the way I like it.
Fuck.
I knew it.
I knew it.
Fuck.
No ties, no hassles.
You're a machine, alright.
That's Come on.
Hey, not so fast, mate.
First, we gotta survey the location from cover.
What? Why don't we just go in there and fuck 'em up, huh? Hey, I'm not a cowboy.
This is a craft.
How long are we gonna wait? As long as it takes.
Come on.
This'll be fun.
Come on.
Why do we have to come along? Shh.
There you go.
Jesus, Mum.
Here.
Hold this.
Don't know why you need us here.
Hello.
Hi! I'm Cathy Piccolo, from next door.
And this is my son Matthew and my daughter Melanie.
I'm Brent.
Brent.
Yeah, that's right.
Oh.
I see that you're new to the area.
Where from? Oh, nowhere as nice as this.
Oh, the kids have done some baking to say welcome to the neighbourhood.
That's very thoughtful.
Thank you.
It was, wasn't it? So we'll just, you know, we'll let you settle in.
As in, our family.
The kids and my husband, Tony, who I think that you probably met this morning in the van.
He was really late for work and he's not usually that grumpy.
Sometimes he's Mum, you're rambling.
Look, you'll have to come in.
I'll make Japanese tea.
Have you had matcha? I've actually gotta go.
I'm waiting for a call.
Don't make me strangle you in front of the new neighbour, Mel.
Great! Great.
Entrez vous.
Righto, then.
Kill me now.
It'd be something, wouldn't it, Wendy? My name's not Wendy.
Whoa! What the fuck?! Who are you? Barry sent me.
Oh, fuck.
Money.
Now.
Just give me a bit more time.
No, mate.
Time's up.
Come on, mate.
I've got expenses, you know? Lube, dildos, new cameras, catered fuckin' lunches.
Give me the money now.
No.
You give me more time.
Shut up.
You give me more time! Artie.
Please, Tony, please! Who the fuck is Artie? Well, if you're gonna do it, do it.
In the words of Pat Benatar, "Hit me with your best shot.
" What kind of a useless enforcer are you, you weak prick? You've got a serious problem, haven't you, mate? A serious problemo.
You know what? I'm gonna give you another one.
You'll have to excuse the mess.
The place isn't usually such a tip.
So What does your husband do? Oh, he's a carpet cleaner.
He's one of the best in Melbourne.
Is he? And he, uh, has to work today, on a glorious Saturday? Mmm.
He works all sorts of crazy hours.
Yeah, really? Where's he based? I'm bored.
Mel! No, it's fine.
I just want you guys to make yourselves at home.
It's fine.
OK, then.
Oh, no.
I won't.
I have to get back to the gym later today.
Not that I go as often as I should.
Well, I could work out a home program, if you like.
We we could work out in your lounge room.
Are you a personal trainer? Oh, God, no.
Only in my dreams.
Um, can I go to the bathroom? Sure.
Down the hall, second to the left.
So, you were saying that you did business Mmm.
I did accounting for two years.
I really loved it, but then this one came along.
So you do your husband's books? No.
Tony does the accounts.
But if you've got the skills Oh, well, you know.
Don't get me wrong.
Tony, you know, includes me.
It's just that I'm very busy.
You know raising a family.
And it's it's a full-time job.
Give me the gun.
What happened in there? The usual - cat and mouse.
Which one were you? I had it under control.
Gary's gun.
Now.
We need to get rid of it.
It's got your prints all over it.
Looked to me like he was gonna fuck you up.
Yeah, that's the way I was playin' it till you barged in and stuffed it all up.
What?! He can't pay if he's dead.
If he's dead, he can't pay.
You get it? I'd prefer to keep this quiet, you understand? D-do you think he's alright? Oh, yeah.
He'll be fine.
Do you mind? Oh, not at all.
What? Nothing.
People that, um, run their businesses from home, they seem to make a killing.
I think you'd be really good.
Look at you.
You're blushing.
I can't believe you were flirting like a sex-starved, repressed housewife.
Hey! I'm not repressed.
Yeah, and he's not gay.
What on earth would make you think he was gay? Just because he waxes and drinks tea? Yeah, well, whatever he is, at least he's interesting.
My thoughts exactly, Matthew.
Can we stop talking about this? It's really weirding me out.
Fuckin' hurry up, Dean! Comin', Tones.
Oh, Jesus! I'll get it! Thanks, Tones.
G'day, Dean.
How'd you go, mate? Ah, yeah.
Really good, eh? You've known Tone for a while, yeah? Uh, yeah, yeah.
Where does he live? Dean? I said, where does he live? I promised Tony that I wouldn't speak about family stuff, so You right? Yeah.
I'm gonna have to have a chat with your old man, mate.
I'm I'm more of a solo operator, you know? It's nothing personal, just, uh I don't know, you get used to to working a certain way, you know? Your heart's thumping.
Tony.
It's nothing.
It's not nothing.
Uh We haven't been intimate since before Christmas.
Maybe maybe you should see a doctor.
I'm having some hassles at work.
Like what? I don't know.
Dramas with staff.
Getting people to pay up.
It's just I've got a lot on my plate, OK? It's fine.
Fuck! Oh, mate, you know, he knows what I'm there for.
He's looking at me.
I look him straight in his eye, I mean, straight in his eye.
And I Hey, mate.
Hey, mate.
You got a sec? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, mate.
Sorry, boys.
Thanks, boys.
Hey, did you hear that car horn? Kids, mate.
They have no respect for anything these days.
You should sort them out.
What's up? Mate, I, um I think I've got a bit of a problem.
In fact, I, uh I know I do.
Cath and the neighbour.
I knew it.
No, no, no.
It's work.
Ah.
You know, look you went a bit far with Artie, I heard.
Hazard of the game, mate.
No, it's the opposite, actually.
What do you mean, it's the opposite? Come on, out with it.
It's always just been a job, you know? Like you taught me.
But lately I've been I don't know, I've been feeling bad about it, you know? I've been feeling bad about hurting them, mate.
I don't know if I can anymore.
In fact, I know I fuckin' well can't! Oi.
Oi, oi, oi.
Come here.
You fuckin' listen to me, alright? I don't ever wanna hear you talk like that again.
Especially in here.
Alright? That kind of talk can get a man killed, or worse.
Mate, you've got a fine family, boy.
You've got a lot to protect.
Les, you don't understand, mate.
This particular problem, alright Hey.
Mates like you, mates like me, we don't have problems.
'Cause if we've got problems, we're no fuckin' use to anyone.
Alright? And we know too fuckin' much.
So keep your mouth shut.
Darlene, how are you? Always a pleasure.
Everything OK? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Good.
Great, yeah.
Barry called.
He wants to see you.
Right now.
Did he say what it was about, love? Only that it was none of my business.
Fuckin' Charlie.
Barry's boy? What happened? Nothin'.
It's alright.
Don't worry about it.
It's alright.
Did you collect? From the porn guy? Nah.
Nah.
He, uh He wouldn't cooperate, so I had to you know, sort him out.
Is there anything else you need to tell me about? In my position, I have to be very Careful.
So do you.
I know.
Better go and see the boss, hey? Too late.
Charlie told me what happened.
You let him pop his cherry.
On his first job and everything! Mate, what a day! W-w-what about the money? Oh, fuck the money! My boy's become a man.
Yeah, well, he's a He's a great kid.
He's got lots of potential, Barry.
You should be very proud, mate.
I am, Tones.
And grateful.
Just think - this is just the start for you two.
A couple of years' time, he'll be ordering us both around.
Yeah.
Great, yeah, yeah.
He's, uh Is he, um is he here? No, no, no, no.
He's with his mates.
I gave him a present for graduating.
And, uh And for you To say thanks.
Oh, it's it's it's too much, Barry.
Call me Baz.
Baz.
We're all but family now.
Great family.
Thank you.
Anyway, so then I said to myself Oh! Here he is! What's up, T? I can't believe you.
What? You didn't tell me you had a new apprentice.
Uh, no.
Expand the business.
Do more jobs.
Charlie's just been telling me all about it.
Has he? You lied to me, boss.
You never told me you had such a such a beautiful home.
Hey? Gorgeous wife.
Beautiful family.
You're a lucky man.
Mate, can I have a quick word outside? Yeah, of course.
Hey, thank you so much for this.
After you, Tone.
No.
After you.
How'd you find out? You know, it wasn't that hard.
Anyone could.
If they wanted to.
You know, it's funny how you never told Dad about this.
Or her inside about him.
I wonder why.
What the fuck are you playing at? Oh, I'm just trying to get to know my boss, Tone, huh? Seeing as we're gonna be working together.
You listen to me And what are you gonna do if I don't, Tone, huh? You gonna have a cry? Yeah? Freak out? You gonna call me Artie? There's heaps you can teach me, Tone.
'Cause I gotta say you're the world fuckin' heavyweight champion of liars to pull this shit off.
Then losing it with that fool yesterday.
And me keeping my dad sweet, not telling him about this or anything.
You're not getting rid of me, Tone.
You owe me.
Hi, Dad.
Hi, honey.
How was your day? Oh, boring.
You remember Ella? Hi, Ella.
Hi.
I'm Mel.
Yes, you are.
Hey.
I'm Charlie.
I work with your dad.
Hi, Charlie.
Is that your car? The Hummer? Yeah.
Yeah, you like it? Oh, my God.
It is SO cool.
Yeah, little knockabout.
Off you go now, girls.
Charlie and I, we're just having a little chat, OK? Bye.
You stay away from here.
And you stay away from her.
Don't worry.
I'll keep your secret.
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Just remember, Tone I am my father's son.
And you and me, Tony we're the master and apprentice.
Just like that movie.
I'll see you at work, boss.