Snatch (2017) s01e02 Episode Script

1 - Happy New Year, Dad.
- Happy New Year, Albert.
Take this.
Vic: Albert needs to understand, if he's gonna play the game, he needs to go in heavy.
You keep your beak out of it, Vic Hill.
Albert: Come on, Charlie, you know we need as much cash as we can to bet on Billy's fight tonight.
Charlie: I have a very rare fob watch.
I'd like an appraisal for a sale.
Sonny's got a collection going out this morning.
- I give you the route.
- Charlie: Two trucks? Lotti: You figure out the best place to hit the truck.
- We've rung the bell.
- Hell, yeah.
That's gangsta! (man laughing) Time to hustle, Vic.
We'll come back tomorrow and fill our boots.
One for me, one for the wife, one for Albert, and one for luck.
(both laughing) (loud bang) Put it away.
No.
Let's see who it is and have a nice, quiet word.
- (gunshot) - (glass shatters) - (indistinct shouting) - Get down! Aah! - Freeze! - Stay down! - (gunfire) - (indistinct shouting) Bob? Don't shoot! You dirty son of a bitch! Your double-crossed me, Fink! (theme music playing) Snatch the diamonds Now he's taking the diamonds So, you're telling me there was two trucks? Yeah, two exactly the same trucks, passing me at exactly the same time.
So, uh, which one did you choose, Charlie? The one that looked just like the other one.
Oh, fair play.
Sonny wasn't shipping gold.
So you have no idea whose gold this is? Yeah yeah we do.
It's ours! And this mountain of auriferous has gotta be worth bloody millions.
It's official we can retire.
Can't retire if you've never worked, knob head.
Yeah, of course you can.
My father hasn't worked a day in his life.
Beginning to think I hadn't been so blessed.
Thank you, God! - Nobody's retirin'.
- Oh, here we go.
We have stumbled across a fortune in gold bullion with no clue what dangerous bastard it belongs to.
We have zero experience in trading precious metals, and if we start making inquiries to the wrong fence, we'll come unstuck quicker than shit moves through a goose.
No.
We stash all of it, all of it until we know who and what we're dealing with.
Then what? Suppose you got a spare safe knockin' around here? Shut up.
There are some advantages to being the son of a bank robber.
(laughing) (birds singing) Good boy, Smudger, just stick 'em on the shelf.
Oi.
Be careful, sloppy bollocks.
Shit.
Sorry.
What are you doin'? Watchin' them young tarts and old farts, skinny little pedo? Some kids posted a video clip on Instagram.
It's a security truck gettin' boosted.
Give us that here.
It's impossible to make a dishonest livin' these days without gettin' a camera shoved in your face.
These mobile devices have spawned a generation of grasses.
Hey, Vic, you should take a look at this, mate.
It's a bullion heist.
- Bullion? - Yeah.
Here you are.
Take a look.
Hmm Ah.
I mean, talk about a two-pronged attack, eh? Boom! Opened up that van like a can of beans.
This giving you a stiffy, Peters? (laughing) Speaking' of pricks - You seen it, then? - Yeah, it's called "viral," Bob.
(chuckling) You goin' after it? Uh, Bob, you're CTF.
Isn't there a shipment of BB guns that need confiscatin' somewhere? Listen Teri.
I know about gold heists.
I did a bit of work with Flying Squad, I mean, I I can help.
Yeah.
All right, then, Bob.
I'll have an Americano and an almond croissant.
Right.
I think we should move a couple of ingots for a bit of running about money.
Yeah.
We're all a little bit short, right? No.
Not one single ingot.
Right? No one talks about the gold, nobody knows about the gold, nobody even thinks about the gold.
The gold doesn't exist, are we clear? God, you're such a pill sometimes, Al.
(phone pings) It's Lotti Mott.
- Shit.
- Shit.
(phone ringing) Keep your business off text! Lotti: We need to talk.
- (groans) - (phone ringing) - (phone beeps) - Man: Hello, Sidney? Mr.
Gold? (stammers) Sidney, don't get emotional.
Thanks to all this, I've gotta find someone else for the job today.
Stop, please.
I've always got top results.
Whatever it takes I have no complaints regarding your skills.
In fact, our mutual friend there is something of a legend, and that's a compliment to you, Sidney.
Cost me a pretty penny, I'll tell ya.
Goes by the name of Windrush.
He's the best hired hand money can buy.
No no please, Mr.
Gold! Alas, Sidney, you're something of a schmuck.
Now I know this because having decided that no one's gonna notice if you steal one of my paintings from the Venice job - Saul, please - you go and pinch the middle section of the Whore of Babylon triptych! Please, Mr.
Gold! (shouts) (screaming over phone) (phone rings) Saul Gold and Associates.
Saul.
Vic Hill.
Vic? How's Her Majesty treatin' you, then? Well, I can't grumble, Saul, and if I did, who'd listen? So, what can I do you for? You hear anythin' about the bullion heist last night? Forklifts and piggys.
- I seen the video.
- It's tidy work.
Actually reminded me the sort of work you might've done.
- Anybody ringin' your bell? - Tryin' to move the consignment? Not a peep.
Why the inquiry? Well, I'm just sniffin' about.
It gets a bit stale in here, Saul.
Imagination runs wild.
Well, if you're looking for action, I might have something to put your way.
I need a couple of cool heads for a job this afternoon.
Low risk, going rates.
Got a face that fits? Ah We took a vote.
Decided to pass on your offer.
Yeah, haven't quite reached the armed robbery phase in our projected careers.
We didn't hit your boyfriend's truck.
I know you didn't.
So what's with the sit down? Right place.
Right time.
Wrong truck.
Credit where it's due, you boys are gangsta.
Take another vote, and then come find me.
Follow me into the jungle Thirty thousand views! This thing's breaking the Internet! We're gonna get shot.
Right.
I'm gettin' tooled up! Wait, calm down! Sit down! Sit down.
Sit down.
We're rockin' masks and boiler suits.
No one can know it's us, can they? No.
But what about Lotti Mott? (phone ringing) Huh? Listen, I don't know about her.
Do I? I've gotta think about it.
You keep your eye on her, Bill.
I can do that.
- Albert? - Yeah? Vic's on the blower.
Well, that is all I need, isn't it? We did all right last night, didn't we, boy? - Last night? - The fight, Al.
You got somethin' else in the hopper, son? Oh, no, you're right, sorry, I've I've had a couple - and I'm celebratin'.
- Have a tall one for me.
So what's goin' on? - Saul Gold is goin' on.
- Saul Gold the fence? He's called a job on.
Pick up and drop this afternoon.
Ten grand, son, C.
O.
D.
We will carve it.
Uh, yeah, today's no good.
The job's booked and it's good readies.
I understand that, but today is not a good day, Dad.
Every day is a good day for a bit of graft, Albert.
Yeah, right.
Go on, then.
Yeah, I'll do it.
For seven and a half, though.
You get two and a half for the booking.
You negotiatin' with me, son? This is not a negotiation, Dad.
Six for you, four for me, chop-chop.
(dial tone buzzing) There you are, Mrs.
Reid, your order.
Oh, Lily.
It looks just like his favorite shooter.
You've done us proud.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
John'll love it.
Well would have.
- Just finishing up.
- Won't be a minute.
Course he would've been balls-deep in all that bullion hoo-ha, daft sod.
Worth millions, I heard.
Every face in the manor is sniffin' about.
Oh, bunch of prats.
That much gold's nothing but a travel-card to the coroner.
Or the clink.
Prosperity.
Power.
Punana.
Prosperity.
Power.
Punana.
Sonny? We got company.
You have any idea what it is to dance on the steps of Shangri-la? (snorts) "This town is like a great big pussy, "just waitin' to get fucked!" "Hoo-hah!" You think all Cubans are gangsters? I got my MBA! I graduated summa cum laude.
I speak five languages.
I was voted most likely to succeed.
And succeed you have, my friend.
What do you want, Fink? I wanna talk - about a truck - A truck? Sonny, you and I, we got a good thing goin' here.
This arrangement works well, I stay in my corner, - you play in yours - Get to the fuckin' point.
(phone beeps) (sighs) Ambitious.
- When and where? - Five a.
m.
this morning, the crossroads behind the strip.
A Donmar truck, a little off-the-books spot, under the arches.
Anything else come to mind? Go away, Fink.
I gotta get my shuffle on.
Our truck takes that route at 5 a.
m.
You see somethin'? I didn't see nothing.
(snorting loudly) Aah! Where the fuck is Lotti? Haven't seen her since the fight.
Where is that crazy bitch? Lotti! I lost my teddy bear.
Can I give you a hug instead, darling? Your boss send you to keep an eye on me? No, two eyes.
And he ain't my boss.
You always do what Albert says? When I fancy the job.
I'll get my share of that gold.
One way or another.
Well, I have no idea what you're talkin' about.
Fancy a ride? I don't mess around with the errand boy.
I'll be at the gym on Upper Street when you change your mind.
Girl, you keep on movin' You keep on movin' in and out, girl You keep on movin' Beautiful.
Okay.
Lean into me.
Oh, that's lovely.
Yes! Oh, my angel, that's Love it so, that is gorgeous.
Beautiful, now, yes We have a situation, Master Charles.
Uh, father has misplaced his Volcano vaporizer? The whereabouts of a certain gold fob watch.
Gold fob watch? Lord Cavendish has implied that I purloined the time piece.
After 30 years of loyal appointment, I have been impeached, Master Charles! This century English, please, Staff! The bugger thinks I nicked his blood watch, and unless it's returned he's giving me the boot! Well there there's been a lot of break-ins, in the neighborhood recently.
Now, I mean, it's obvious we've been targeted.
I I I may know a man who might known a man who might know something.
Uh, leave it with me.
- (door buzzing) - Good morning, Mr.
Cavendish-Scott, how are you? About that watch I brought in the other day, I need it returned.
- Oh, it's no longer in stock.
- We sold it.
You sold it? How much did it go for? Decent price book value.
You made out on it, didn't you? Go on, how much? Couple of grand? Five? Ten? We had a very keen buyer.
Ten grand? You only gave me a measly 3,000.
What kind of businesswoman are you? Okay, well, uh, can you get it back? I'll see what I can do.
Okay.
Good.
Good.
Um And I was wondering I mean, um if you've not got any plans this evening and, uh (laughs) we could (doorbell ringing) (door buzzing) - What are you doin' here? - What are you doing here? I got a sit down with Saul.
Huh, Saul Gold? What's the gig? You can go on your way.
Go on, you can jog on now.
Yeah, this one's mine.
Okay? Okay.
You pick up my clients, the Heimels, from the airport, and you bring 'em back directly to me.
That's all.
Couldn't be more simple.
How many Heimels are we expecting, Mr.
Gold? Enough to wipe your ass when you shit yourself, bubbeleh.
Oh, yeah Who cares how many? Just pick 'em up, toss 'em in the van, bring 'em here.
- And that's worth ten grand? - On delivery.
What else are we transportin' other than the Heimels, Mr.
Gold? You're tryin' my patience, boy.
Well, thank you for considerin' us, Mr.
Gold, but with respect, I'm gonna have to decline your offer.
If I don't know what I'm transportin', I cannot guarantee delivery.
You're not like your old man, are you? Ol' Vic, he'd be halfway to Gatwick by now.
Yeah, a lot's changed since my dad's day, Mr.
Gold.
Too many chancers out there lookin' for a quick score nowadays.
I'm sure you're well aware an armored truck got rolled, last night, transport's a risky business.
Diamonds.
A fistful.
Now you in or you out? - I'm in.
- Splendid.
For 15 grand.
- You guarantee delivery? - Guaranteed.
Van, driver, out the back.
Piss off.
Left.
The left, the left, the left! Left side of the road.
(with French accent) Pardon.
This is my first time driving in the UK.
- Really? - Everything's on the wrong bloody side.
You're a Froggy.
Frenchman.
Why why why are you the driver? Uncle Saul wanted a family member on the mission.
Is that all you got for me, McLeod? Pig masks and overalls? Get out! "Is that all you've got for me, McLeod?" Well, I've got something for you all right, darlin'! You know, my father said to me, he said, "Son, it don't matter "if you got a two-inch prick, "just make sure you hold it like a baseball bat.
" You what? It's all right, McLeod, Dwyer does that to all the boys.
- Makes us feel, well - Like dickless twats? Like dickless twats.
Ooh.
Looks painful.
The wee shite trapped my hand in the truck door.
So is Dwyer gonna set up an identity parade, then? She hasn't briefed me yet.
Like I told Dwyer, he was wearin' a pig mask and overalls.
Did he squeal like a pig? (squeals) No.
He put on a silly, wee voice, you know "Oh, no, you bloody well, don't.
" Posh, like.
Posh? (gangsta rap playing) So, I take it you got through customs okay, Mr.
Heimel? You guys must really stand out in those liveries.
Yeah, I would've gone with something a little more incognito.
(with Yiddish accent) Where can we have a little fun around here? - Um - What kind of fun are you referring to? Mad fun! Dawg.
Well, you can have all the mad fun you want once we've dropped you off at Saul Gold's.
All work and no play makes Abel a dull boy.
Turn up the music.
It's tricky to rock a rhyme To rock a rhyme that's right on time It's tricky It's tricky tricky, tricky, tricky It's tricky to rock a rhyme To rock a rhyme that's right on time It's tricky Tricky, tricky, tricky I met this little girly Her hair was kind of curly Went to her house and bust her out, I had to leave real early This girl was really sleazy, all they just say is please me Or spend some time and rock a rhyme, I said "It's not that easy" It's tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that's right on time You don't have any more of those by any chance, do you? (laughs) Molly loves you, dawg.
And I love Molly, pal.
It's tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that's right on time It's tricky Where you been hidin', baby girl? - You're an asshole.
- I'm not talkin' to ya.
- I was thinkin' - you were right.
Your cut of the takings.
What's the catch? No catch.
You earned it.
A truck got heisted last night.
Three banditos, in masks.
Rock and roll.
Truck got hit the exact same time that our truck went out.
On the exact same route.
Maybe they were goin' after your truck and hit the wrong one.
You're a smart girl, Lotti.
But are you too smart? What are you talkin' about, Sonny? Tell me you don't know.
I don't know.
All right? - Well, if you hear anything - from around the way you let me know.
You'll be the first.
(phone buzzing) Ah! Hello, my love.
Hi, darlin'.
What's wrong? Mrs.
Reid not like the wreath? No, no, she liked it, all right.
You missin' me, then? Do you know there's gold on the street, Vic? Armored truck heist.
Well, I um I did hear a rumor.
Just got me thinking, it brought up some feelings.
What kind of feelings? You don't think it was your gold, do you? (laughs) - Sweetheart - (sighs) my gold is long gone.
Fifteen years of battles and bodies have seen to that.
How can you know for sure? (laughs) Am I hearin' right? Year after year you been tellin' me to get it out of my head.
It's taken me 15 years, Lily, but I've done just that.
Now, you want me thinkin' about it again.
What's gotten into you, huh? That much gold bullion doesn't crop up on a daily basis around here, Vic.
It's just a little bit close to home, that's all.
Are you saying you want me to go get it? No, absolutely not.
Because I am stuck in here, Lily.
How the fuck am I gonna get it? I don't want you to get it.
You're not listening.
I was just shaken up by hearing them moan, all their husbands sniffing about for it.
Which husbands? - Who's sniffin'? - Oh, God, Vic, that's not the point.
It doesn't matter who it was.
I want names.
For once can you just let me talk without making it about you.
Domestic, Vic? I'll take that as a yes, then.
(rock music playing) He's in there, love.
(music stops) You really this broke? Or you workin' the "hot struggling fighter livin' in this closet" angle? I didn't think you messed around with the help.
Who says I'm messin' around? (laughing) Charlie, look at your eyes.
What have you done? - Life is a rocky road, Motek.
- Is it? You gotta loosen up your shit.
Boobies! Don't pull over, Serge.
Pull over or I paint the dash.
- I'm pulling over.
- (tires screeching) You got punked, pussy.
(All singing "It's Tricky") I'll keep an eye on them, Al.
Tricky, tricky tricky, tricky Albert: Charlie! Charlie, come here! Sorry, boys.
(phone rings) Saul! Yeah? Peachy, Mr.
Gold, we'll be with you very shortly.
Not you, kid.
It's tricky to rock a rhyme to rock a rhyme that's right on time Ah-ah-ah.
Tricky, tricky tricky, tricky (club music playing) Mr.
Heimel, I'm going to have to insist we get back on the road immediately.
- Mr.
Gold is waiting for us.
- What is your rush, Albert? We're just blowing off a little steam! (laughs) Charlie, come here.
Charlie, get up! Charlie Excuse me can you help me get these lunatics out of here now! Have I have I ever told you I love you! - Ey? - I do.
I mean, sometimes you can be a bit of a crashing bore, and you have a tendency of being a little bit controlling.
I I really do have very deep feelings for you Shut up, come on, sit down there.
Sit down, sit down.
(phone ringing) Come on, Billy, come on, Billy.
Come on, Billy, answer the phone.
Shit! Hey, Boo! What's your sign? Get out before I call the bouncer! I got money to burn, baby girl.
Piss off, kid.
Would a kid have these? Get comfortable.
I'll be right back, baby boy.
(phone ringing) - Hello? - Manny.
- Yeah? - I've got something for you.
Tell Sonny there's diamonds on the scene.
- (club music playing) - Oh! (phone ringing) - Mr.
Gold? - Where are my diamonds? Where the hell are you? We're just stick in a bit of traffic at the minute, we're on the way back into town now.
We won't be long, all right? - Albert - I'll call you soon.
- (dial tone) - Albert Hill! Fuck me! Oh, shit.
(club music playing) Bomb Squad! Tryin' to get you outside the back door! (screaming) Don't shoot! (rapid gunfire) Allez encule! Bad dream! Bad dream! Where is my Schmeckel? And where is my diamonds? Schmeckel! Go after them! They shot the tires out! Abel: They got the pouch! - What pouch? - The bloody stones! - The diamonds? - Yes, the bloody diamonds! - They've got the diamonds? - How did they get the diamonds? - I thought he had the diamonds! - Yes, the diamonds, you Oh, I don't fucking believe this! Shit! Ah ah! Ah Who who were those guys? Dropping pills in a strip club with a bag of diamonds! Might as well have put out an advert, Charlie.
What matters now is the stones are gone.
Saul he's gonna be very pissed.
How are we gonna tell Saul that we lost his stones? You can tell him whatever you want, Motek.
I'll be on my way, back to Brooklyn.
Hey, not a chance.
You are coming with me to Saul to explain this whole shit show.
You took the job of delivering us to Saul.
You didn't do your job.
I'm not taking the fall for you, Bubba.
I didn't do my job? I didn't do my job? I don't remember a part of this job where I shoved those Mollys down your throat! You need to be a little bit more decisive if you're gonna prosper in this line of work Albert.
(phone dings) There you go.
See? You are coming with me to Saul Gold, and that is final! To the airport, or we'll bleed you out like a chazzer.
It's a pig.
Thanks for the good times, Bubba.
You ever in Brooklyn, make sure to look me up.
It's been romantic, dawg.
Ha Sorry, Bubba.
Just just had to be sure.
Peace.
(exhales) So what now, then? Lie low in the Costa Del Sol for a few weeks? You have got to be shitting me! Who's heisted my diamonds? I don't know yet, Mr.
Gold.
What do you know, boy? Are you okay, Mr.
Cavendish-Scott? I've had better days, Chloe.
And please call me Charlie.
Saul: Strip club? Well, I've got some good news that might cheer you up, Charlie.
Oh you have a spare bag of diamonds? I spoke to the man who bought your watch.
Saul: Mollys? Uh and can you get it back? For 20,000 I can.
- (sighs) - Saul: Motorbike gang? Twenty grand? I thought you sold it for 10.
- And resold for 20.
- Don't kill the messenger, I can't control market fluctuation.
Saul: Shot my nephew? I don't have 20,000.
Well do you have access to any other kind of collateral? Possibly.
Why did I trust the Hill family with this? Your old man has always been a liability, and you you done the family legacy proud.
Mr.
Gold, this is on me, not my dad.
Ah, no, no, no.
You made a guarantee.
A guarantee is a guarantee.
It's a famiy affair now, boy.
I want my diamonds back in 48 hours, or I want their market equivalent, which is 250 grand, or I will cut off your cock.
I'll put it in a pickle jar.
Do you understand me, boy? Yeah, I understand you, Mr.
Gold.
I just thought, you know, if I got loved up with the Heimels, I could keep an eye on them.
I thought I was doing the right thing, Al.
You wouldn't know the right thing if it kicked you in the bollocks, Charlie.
Well, that's a bit strong, mate.
No, I'll tell you what's a bit strong Saul Gold threatening to cut my cock off and stick it in a pickle jar unless I get him his stones or 250 grand in 48 hours.
So unless you feel like cashin' in your trust fund to bail me out, how are you gonna help me? You know I don't have a bloody trust fund! So how are you gonna help me? You gonna invite me in for a drink? You wanna get your brains blown out? Billy Ayres hard as nails.
I thought you were leavin' that prick.
I will when the time's right.
How about I call you tomorrow? You can keep two eyes on me all afternoon.
I'll see what I've got on.
Don't go spending my gold.
No idea what you're talkin' about, girl.
Lil' Manny: You ever seen a diamond as sweet as that? Sonny: They're actually sweet, Manny.
I'm gonna make me a crown outta these.
(Lil' Manny laughs) You see, Albert Hill didn't know what hit him, boss.
You did good, man.
(laughs) Put 'em in the safe.
Gotcha.
Well, this is intriguing.
Back alleys and illicit meetings.
What have you got for me, Charlie? What are you doing? Oh, my God.
(Charlie breathing heavily) Oh, my God! Where did you get these? If I told you, I'd have to kill you.
What do you want me to do with them? Sell them, and get me back my watch.
Gold's at a premium right now, I should be able to get you an excellent valuation.
Yeah, one small hitch.
Go on.
They're stolen.
Most likely more than once.
So be very careful who you solicit.
And here I thought you guys were just a couple of small-time hustlers.
Does Albert know about this? Well, I'm growing the operation.
Yeah.
Big things ahead.
And if you play this right, there might be a lot more where that came from.
Posh.
Albert: Happy New Year, Dad.
Take this.
Lucky charm.
Fuck.
Dad's gold.
(fanfare plays)