Sports Night (1998) s01e02 Episode Script

Ladies and gentlemen,|three minutes to air.
Can I have first team|in the studio? Dan, Casey, that's you.
-Casey, Dan, let's go.
|-Come on, I'm still here.
-Who's he on the phone with?|-Ted Lewis.
You're assistant|athletic director.
Don't tell me|you weren't on the call.
Are you nervous|about something? -No.
|-Really? All right, Ted, I'm gonna|get my notes right now.
Natalie, we might have|something coming in from|Chapel Hill, so tell Dana.
You're not nervous|about the Esquire piece? No.
God, no.
-You seem nervous.
|-I'm not.
Well, have you seen it yet? -The Esquire piece?|-Yes.
No.
-You didn't get|an advanced copy?|-Nope.
-I'd be nervous.
|-I'm not.
|-So you said.
Now, if I'm nervous|about anything, it's that|I think I have a stalker.
-A stalker, who?|-Mm-hmm.
-One of the "CSC Morning"|aerobics women.
|-Sandy? -Is her name Sandy?|-Randy? -Mandy.
|-Mandy.
-Madeline.
|-Natalie! Oh! Uh, I'm sorry.
You want a minute and a half|with a 30-second Q&A? -Yeah, but get me some|elbow room, and get Kim.
So, if I appear nervous|about anything, that's it.
It's the prospect of being|stalked by a fitness|professional, and it's not at all owing|to this magazine article|that's coming out tomorrow.
But can I just say|one thing about -- Excuse me!|Hey, would you let her go? -Sorry.
|-Casey! Yeah.
Ted, I will mention|the word "Heisman" in connection|with Gerardi's name|for the next 12 weeks.
Just give me this one.
Dan, Casey,|to the studio.
Can you hang on a second,|Ted? Thanks.
What? Natalie says my stalker's|name is Mandy.
Really?|I don't know what the hell|we're talking about.
Hey, Casey, Natalie said|you need me.
Yeah.
Uh,|Ted, hold on a second.
Yeah, I want you|to work Ted Lewis.
Get him to say|they're firing Zapod, and they're gonna promote|the offensive coordinator.
-It's on line 12.
|-Ted, it's Kim.
You were in town,|and you didn't call me.
And have Elliott flag me|as soon as you've got it! It's not like I'm not used|to being written about.
-Yeah, sure.
|-Right? Once again, I don't know what|the hell we're talking about.
Hey, look, everybody!|It's two sports anchors.
And that's a good break for us 'cause we're about to do|a sports show.
-Sarcasm, thy name is Dana.
|-30 seconds.
Toby Benes has a no-hitter|in the seventh.
Put Benes in the teaser.
|If he takes it to the ninth,|we'll patch it in on one.
-15.
|-14.
-Well, get it.
|-Got it.
-We shouldn't put it|in the tease.
|-Why not? -It's bad luck.
|-It's bad luck? To talk about a no-hitter.
-It's bad luck|for the pitcher?|-Yes.
We don't work|for the pitcher.
That puts us|in a hell of a dilemma.
Actually, I'm fine.
In 321.
Good evening, everybody.
|From New York City, I'm Dan Rydell|alongside Casey McCall.
Those stories, plus we're|gonna hook up with the Big East|and the Big Ten.
And we'll take you|to Jacobs Field where Toby Benes|is working on a no-hitter|in the seventh.
All that coming up|after this.
You're watching "Sports Night"|on CSC, so stick around.
-We're out.
|-We're back in 60.
So, the stalker|has a name? Yeah, Mandy.
I thought it was Sandy.
Randy! Mandy -- Madeline.
About teasing the no-hitter,|it was a tough call, and I just wanted to tell you|that while I didn't agree|with the decision, I have a lot of respect|for you for making it.
Benes just lost|the no-hitter.
Don't blame yourself.
Thank you.
Oh, Casey, how many times|are you gonna read it? I'm searching for nuance.
How much trouble|is Danny in? Look, don't get me wrong.
|Dan's my closest friend.
I like to think of our|relationship as selfless, but at the moment|I'm not as concerned about him as I am about --|how shall I say -- -You?|-Me, yes.
I'm concerned|about this sense -- this sense that everything that's written|about the two of us -- that Dan is cool, and I am -What is the word?|-Not.
Yes, that Dan is cool,|and I am not.
There is this sense --|there is this perception -- Hey, I need to talk to you.
There is a perception|in the press never more clear|than in this article that I'm not cool.
Now where do you think|this perception comes from? -I think it comes|from reality.
|-Really? Come -- talk to me.
-It could be his haircut.
|-Hey, I heard that.
So, how much trouble|is Dan gonna be in? It depends|if Sachs has seen it.
-Sachs has seen it.
|-It's been on the newsstand|for four hours, and|Sachs has seen it? -Sachs has seen it.
|-Well, then we can anticipate|a certain degree of trouble.
Didn't Isaac tell you|to keep an eye out for him when the two of you|were doing press? -Yes.
|-What happened? I'm working out some kinks|in the system.
There's a lawyer over here with a guy from|Standards and Practices.
We have|standards and practices? It's a whole wing|of the -- No, I mean we have actual|standards and practices? So you don't think|it's serious? I'll tell you|what I think is serious is this perception --|this sense -- Casey.
Dana He belongs to a fly-by-night|organization that supports the legalization|of marijuana, and he said so|in a magazine.
Is the network gonna be|happy about it? No.
Is Sachs gonna order someone|to order someone to slap him on the knuckles?|Probably.
In the scheme of things, a much larger issue|is that I am cool.
I'm completely cool, huh? And you dress cool.
That's right.
Wait, that was a dig,|wasn't it? -Casey!|-What, you think|it's the clothes? I think it's the haircut.
Excuse me? She said she thinks|it's the haircut.
Thank you.
Look --|now what can I do for you? Jeremy is cutting his first|highlight package today.
Good.
-It's the Cubs/Marlins|day game at Wrigley.
|-That's fine.
-It's a day game.
|-Yes.
There'll be plenty of time|to make any changes|that need to be made.
Right.
Will you look at it|when it's done and|give him feedback? -Yeah.
|-Thanks.
Is there anything else? Well, uh, don't you|want to know why|I'm not doing it? If you think|you need to tell me.
I may have certain|feelings for Jeremy.
-Ah.
|-I think it's possible|that I have feelings.
-Okay.
|-I think these feelings could|interfere with my judgment as|far as his work is concerned.
I admire|your professionalism.
These feelings have|been growing inside of me|like a rush or a surge -- I think this is a little more|than I need to know about -- -Fine.
|-Okay, thanks.
-Hey.
|-Hey.
-You'll be nice to him?|-Yeah.
-It's his first time.
|-I know.
-Be nice.
|-I will.
Jeremy is cutting|his first highlight tape.
-Casey's gonna look at it.
|-Good.
Yeah, I'd look at it myself,|but I have certain feelings -- -Natalie!|-Fine! Hey, speaking|of certain feelings, I couldn't help but notice|by the elevators this morning that Mandy|the aerobics stalker seemed to be showing|no interest in you whatsoever.
That's how the game|is played.
Oh, yeah.
Her disinterest|was a performance.
Well, she's good.
Yeah, I'll say.
-Hey, what time|is your meeting?|-Right now.
-Where?|-Isaac's office.
And yet you're here.
Yeah, I'm making him|wait for me.
Why? It's part of my strategy.
Yeah? Well, it sounds|pretty sophisticated.
Yep.
Danny We did the interview for|this piece three months ago.
I don't want to pile it on|or anything, but when you know something|like this is gonna happen, you might want to tell me|about it in advance.
Casey, they completely|missed the point.
I didn't know they were|gonna completely miss the point|three months in advance.
Well, what was the point? The point was that any law|that makes criminals|out of 15 million Americans is probably|not such a good idea.
The point was that drug abuse|isn't a criminal issue,|it's a health care issue.
And the money and manpower|that we spend prosecuting|a surfer in San Diego might better be used fighting|things that genuinely threaten|our national health and safety.
That was the point.
-Well, then they completely|missed the point.
|-Yes.
Hey, can I change|the subject a second? -Please.
|-What's up with me|not being cool? -What is up with that?|-I love music.
-I have a great appreciation|of music.
|-Dude, I've been in your car.
You've got|the Starland Vocal Band|singing "Afternoon Delight.
" That's right.
Wait, I do not have|the Starland Vocal Band.
It's not like I went out|and bought the single.
It's on my "Time-Life:|Sounds of the Seventies.
" Well, there you have it.
How can I be cool again? I'm a newly divorced man.
I'm young.
|I used to be cool.
I need to be cool again.
Help me be cool again.
Well, first I'd have to|disabuse you of the notion that you were|ever cool before.
All right,|go to your meeting.
I told you|I'm makin' 'em wait.
No,|you're makin' 'em mad.
No, I'm making them|anxious.
I think|you're just makin' 'em mad.
I think Isaac specifically|is mad.
No, Isaac's on my team.
|Isaac understands me.
Isaac has a highly developed|sense of right and wrong, and he is hip|to my battle plan.
Danny, he's standing|right behind you.
How you doin'? Casey and I were just talking|about your highly developed|sense of right and wrong, and I was saying -- Go sit your sorry ass|down in that meeting.
On my way, sir.
-Hey, Isaac.
|-Yeah? You think I'm cool,|don't you? Do I look like I'm in|the mood to do this now? Not really.
Then let's assume I'm not.
I was not encouraging|people to take drugs.
-That's ridiculous.
|-That's how it reads.
-It's not|how it reads to me.
|-That's how it reads to us.
-You're reading it wrong.
|-That's how it reads|to Luther Sachs.
I don't know if you've noticed,|but we're fighting a war|against drugs in this county.
How's it goin' so far? -Danny|-You may find this amusing -- Actually, I don't find it|in the least amusing.
Howard Stern did 15 minutes|on you this morning.
He said that Dan Rydell|lends a whole new meaning|to the word "highlights.
" Howard Stern's|a professional comedian.
|That's his job.
We've already had a call|from the Partnership For|a Drug-Free America.
I happen to be a member|of that organization.
Dan,|I understand your position, and I don't necessarily|disagree with it, but this is a sports network.
Our sponsors expect us|to project an image of good|health and clean living.
I'll think about that|the next time I'm reporting on how the Miller Genuine Draft|car did in the Winston Cup.
Now, listen,|I don't think -- Fellas, he's got|a show to prepare.
How do we fix this? Luther Sachs suggests|an apology.
An apology? He suggests you take a moment|tonight during your broadcast -- He wants|an on-air apology? -He's suggesting --|-To whom? To you.
|He's suggesting to you.
-To whom does he want me|to apologize?|-To your viewers.
What did I do|to my viewers? The ones who may have|read this and misinterpreted.
No, Luther Sachs|misinterpreted.
Luther Sachs is the C.
E.
O.
|of a very large company.
Well, thank him|for his suggestion, but tell him|I'm gonna respectfully pass.
Why don't we just skip down|to the end of the page.
You, like every other on-air|personality at this network, has a morals clause|in your contract.
Are you now saying|what I did was immoral because Luther Sachs|doesn't agree with me? Most of the country|doesn't agree with you.
The validity of|your read on what most|of the country thinks not withstanding,|Stanley, actions are immoral,|opinions are not.
And I won't apologize|for mine.
Discussion is good.
And for those of us|fortunate enough to be the subject|of magazine articles, it may be our responsibility|from time to time to try and raise|the level of debate.
Plus, there's|the health insurance issue.
-Health insurance?|-Yes.
What does my insurance policy|have to do -- Our insurance policy.
You're quoted|in the article as saying you haven't|taken drugs in 11 years.
And that's true.
Yeah,|it's also a prime number.
He meant|that it's an unusual number.
He meant|that you were specific.
You didn't say|"10 or 15 years.
" You said,|"11 years ago today.
" This caught the attention|of our insurance company because this is normally|the kind of information that only a recovering|addict or alcoholic has at their fingertips.
Hell, Isaac! Please! We carry an expensive policy|on you, Dan.
Now you took a physical,|and you answered questions.
Now we could be on the hook|for insurance fraud here.
I'm ending this now.
Thank you.
Do what they're|telling you to do.
-Really?|-Yes.
You think|I should apologize? No, but you're going to|anyway.
-Why?|-Because this is television.
And this is how it's done.
Yeah, well, sitting|in the back of the bus|was how it was done until a 42-year-old lady|moved up front.
I'm not very impressed with|how things are done, Isaac.
Be that as it may,|we'll do it tonight.
That's all.
|We're done.
-You know, you might --|-We're done, Stanley.
Uh, that was|a lot of fun, huh? Yeah.
Take 30 seconds before|the second commercial break, then get us right back|into the show.
You know, I don't have any|idea what I'm gonna say.
You'll think of something.
I don't know|what I'm supposed to say.
-Apologize.
|-To who? Who cares? -Danny.
|-Yeah? You know I love you,|don't you? Yeah.
And because I love you,|I can say this.
No rich, young, white guy|has ever gotten anywhere with me comparing himself|to Rosa Parks.
Got it? Yes, sir.
Good.
Hey, Jeremy,|you got a second? You bet.
I looked over your, uh,|Cubs/Marlins tape.
-Yes?|-And it's good.
-Thank you.
|-It's very good.
-Especially|for your first time out.
|-Thank you very much.
I guess the one note|that I would have for you|would be about length.
-Yes?|-Yeah.
Usually we get,|uh, 30 to 40 seconds|for each game -- a little bit more|if it's a game chock-full of spectacular plays|and/or playoff consequences, and a little bit less|if it goes the other way.
But 30 to 40 seconds is|usually the rule of thumb.
I see.
|And how long did mine run? Ah.
Yeah.
-That's long.
|-Yeah, it ran|a little over.
Yeah.
I don't know what to do.
You should make it shorter.
I tried everything.
You should try|making it shorter.
What's the key? -In this case|-Yeah.
Making it a lot shorter.
I can't imagine|what I'd cut.
Well,|you start off with Cedric,|the leadoff batter in the top|of the first inning, despite the fact|that nobody scored|till the fifth inning.
There's action|beyond scoring.
Yeah, but Cedric grounded out|to the shortstop -and was throw out at first|by quite a large margin.
|-Yeah.
Well, that is what is called|a routine ground ball.
In your search for things|that are newsworthy, Let the word "routine"|serve as a danger sign.
There's nothing routine|about it.
Casey, the guy's hitting.
327|since the All-Star break, he has drawn 22 walks|in the leadoff position, and he's a threat|to steal second every time you put him on.
He fouled off seven pitches.
-And you show each|and every one of them.
|-You bet I do.
We usually just show|the pitch that puts|the ball into play.
-But then you miss the battle.
|-The battle? Yeah, he started him off|with a fastball up and in.
Then slider away,|slider away, comes back with|a split-fingered change, drops the curve off the table,|sets him up off-speed, then jams him|high and tight.
That's what got him out.
It was a ground ball|to the shortstop.
The inevitable conclusion|to a job well done.
We have 14 baseball games|to cover.
Yeah.
-30 seconds apiece.
|-Right.
Your tape|is 8 1/2 minutes.
I'm at a loss.
You got to make it|shorter! I'm just not seeing it.
All right, come with me.
|Come on.
Animation 18|is a full-screen wash.
Is it over the shoulder? -I think|it's over the shoulder.
|-It's over the shoulder.
-And that's|-2 for 9 inside the red zone.
Dave, is it the monitors, or is the background on the drop|starting to look beige? It's not beige.
|It's tan.
It's the gels.
-It's not the gels.
|It's the monitors.
|-It's the gels.
Well, take a look at it,|because it's starting|to give me a headache.
-You want some aspirin?|-I want you|to fix the monitors.
-It's the gels.
|-Take it outside.
-Back here at 10:00.
|-Oh! Dan needs a little time|before the second break.
We'll come out of|Kyle's remote, Casey will throw it to Dan|for 45 seconds, and he'll take us to commercial.
He's really gonna apologize? -Yeah.
|-To who? I don't write|Dan's scripts.
Thank you, everybody.
Have you checked|on the guys? Dan's in research, and Casey's|in editing with Jeremy.
-Do they need anything?|-Casey needs a woman.
Casey needs a woman? He needs a woman.
Don't start that.
-He needs a woman, Dana.
|-Mnh.
He's a single man living|his life in an empty apartment.
He got divorced|two weeks ago.
He needs spoons.
|He needs forks.
He needs a woman.
I don't want to talk|about this.
Run me|through the promo.
-Now, should we be --|-He's reaching out! -He's not reaching out.
|-He's reaching|right out to you! He's not reaching|anywhere near me.
-You're missing the signs.
|-I am not missing the signs.
Wait, really? Reaching|right out to you! We've been at this|for two hours now, which is just slightly longer|than your coverage of the seventh-inning stretch.
How's it going in there! It's going real good.
Casey and I are having some very|healthy creative differences.
Casey listens to|the Starland Vocal Band, so -- Go away from me now! -Shout if you need me!|-Now! Okay, this section here where the batter taps dirt off|his shoe and spits four times -- -We can't cut that!|-Jeremy! Well, the storm clouds|are gathering.
All right,|just out of curiosity, what voiceover would|you have me write|for this moment? What's wrong with "The Storm|Clouds Are Gathering"? The storm clouds|aren't gathering.
|He's cleaning his shoe.
He's breaking Carrera's|pitching rhythm.
-The battle?|-The battle.
The battle.
|Okay, look -- if people just want the score,|they can listen to the radio.
We have an opportunity|to affect their appreciation|of baseball.
God knows|you've affected mine.
Casey,|what are you working on? An epic miniseries.
It's the Cubs/Marlins.
I got to make room|for Danny's apology.
Just give me|the double off the wall, the homer in the fifth,|and the error at third.
-That's a travesty.
|-I need it in my hands|right now.
Casey, we're on the air|in 15 minutes.
All right.
|I got to go change, Jeremy.
The storm clouds|are gathering.
Also, Lyle's interview|is gonna be live.
I got that note.
-You got it?|-Yep.
-I wasn't sure you got it.
|-I did.
-Casey.
|-Yeah? Do you have spoons? I'm sorry.
Do you have spoons|and a fork? -Do I have spoons and a fork?|-To eat with.
Yeah, I know|what they're for.
I just thought 'cause|you've only been in the new|apartment a couple of weeks, and with these hours|I thought maybe you -- No, I've bought myself|spoons and a fork.
-Good.
|-Yeah.
-Good.
|-Okay, well You got a whisk? A whisk? Yes.
That's the thing you -- For scrambled eggs.
You -- You stir it|really fast in a bowl.
-I can't just use the fork?|-Truthfully, yes.
-I got to go change.
|-Yeah.
Yeah.
Let's go.
Um, show time.
All right, come on!|Let's go, everybody! Let's get in the zone! where the Bears were|2 for 9 inside the red zone.
For that we'll take you|to Kelly Kirkpatrick in Chicago.
-Kelly.
|-Thank you, Casey.
Dan, Casey, we'll be back|on you in 45 seconds.
Casey, just a heads-up.
Take your time|on the scoreboard filler.
We're gonna have a 20-second gap|on the recap.
-Got it.
|-You know who|I didn't see today? -Mandy the healthy stalker?|-That's right.
That's 'cause she's|not stalking you.
-Did you talk|to him about --|-Yes.
-Did he?|-No.
-Did you talk to him|about spoons and forks?|-Yes.
-20 seconds.
|-Uh, come in|for a landing, Kelly.
Is it just me,|or is the set turning beige? -It's the gels.
|-It's the monitors.
In 10.
Jeremy, you did a good job|on that Cubs/Marlins game.
I only wish|you could have seen the tape before the life|was sucked out of it by forces entirely beyond|my control.
Jeremy.
I know exactly|how you feel.
-Quiet, please.
|-Casey, stand by.
take you back to our "Sports Night" studio|in New York.
Thank you,|Kelly Kirkpatrick.
We'll be bringing you more|on that story on "NFL Kickoff," Sunday morning,|10:00 Eastern Standard Time, and 1:00 if you're|watching us in Brussels.
Dan.
This network,|the Continental Sports Channel, has asked me to clarify|some remarks I made in a publication that hit|your newsstands this morning.
It is possible that one could|come away from this article with the impression|that I don't believe that drugs are a destructive|and deadly force on our culture, our economy, and on|the lives of our children.
Uh-oh.
-Talk to me, Dana.
|-Stay with him.
Casey, be ready to take us|to commercial.
Come on, Daniel.
I have a younger brother|named Sam.
Sam's a genius.
|I mean literally.
As a kid,|he tested off the charts.
The first computer I ever had,|he built from a kit he bought with money he earned|tutoring other kids in math.
He's energetic and articulate,|curious and funny, a great source of pride|to our parents.
And there's no doubt that he'd|be living a great life right now except for that he's dead.
'Cause when|you're 14 years old, all you ever really want to be|when you grow up is your 16-year-old brother, and in my case, that meant|smoking a lot of dope.
The day|I went off to college was the day that Sam got|his driver's license, and he celebrated by taking a drive|with some of his friends drunk|and high as a paper kite.
He never saw the red light|that he ran, and he probably never saw|the 18-wheel truck that put him into the side|of a brick bank either.
That was|11years ago tonight, and I just wanted to say I'm sorry, Sam.
You deserved better|in my hands, and I apologize.
That's all.
Casey and I will be|right back after this with the American League|wrap-up.
You're watching "Sports Night"|on CSC, so don't go away.
We're out.
-Can I just say one more thing|about the Starland Vocal Band? -Sure.
-1978, they win the Grammy|for Best New Artist.
-You know who they beat?|Elvis Costello.
-Now, is it your belief that|Elvis Costello isn't cool? -No, it's my belief that|the Grammy voters aren't cool.
-Now they tell me.
|-Hey, I've been tryin'|to tell -- -Who else isn't cool|that I thought was cool? -Is Nicholson cool?|-Oh, yeah, Nicholson's cool.
-J.
D.
Salinger?|-Yes.
-The muppets?|-Yes, but not -There's a subtle distinction.
You got to feel it.
-Zamfir,|master of the pan flute? -Very, very cool.
|-Really? -Yes.
|-Yeah?