Star vs. the Forces of Evil (2015) s01e02 Episode Script

1 It's gonna get a little weird Gonna get a little wild I ain't from round here I'm from another dimension It's gonna get a little weird Gonna have a good time! I ain't from round here I'm from another Whoo-hoo! Yea-ah! I'm talking rainbows I'm talking puppies Puh-puh-puh-puh-puh- puh-puh-pu-uuhh! It's gonna get a little weird gonna get a little wild I ain't from round here I'm from another dimension! 1x02a - "Matchmaker" I like red, I like hoodies.
So I bought a dozen of them.
Hey, it's that magic girl! - Hey, what's up, Star? - Hi, new friends.
Hi! Everyone's so cool here, Marco.
It makes me wish my parents had tossed me out of the castle years ago.
Oh, you haven't even met the coolest guys.
Alfonzo and Ferguson.
- Quick, here she comes.
- Hey, hey.
Are those books? Where are you going with those books? Do you like to read? - Oh, dear.
- They're usually cooler.
- I need to fix Ferguson up.
- No.
Jackie Lynn Thomas! - Hey, Star Butterfly.
- Hi, Jackie! I need to fix you up.
- What? - Oh, come on.
I'm almost as good at matchmaking as I am with magic.
I'm good.
Look, look, look, look, look! It's my name.
It's my name.
With a star inside of a butterfly and two hearts and a spider.
As you can see, class, most of you have done a pathetic job.
Not me! I got an "F" for fantastic! - That's an "F" for fail.
- Huh? What? You don't have tests on Mewni? Uh So what grade did you get? Only the best grade you can get.
A-plus, with a smiley face.
- Ooh, I want the best one, too.
- Wait, don't! Oh, Miss Skullnick! Hey, Skullzie! Can you please do me a teeny favor and turn my "F" into an "A"? You're whining about a lousy grade? I'd finally got a guy with a boat, and he left me at the dock.
- A dock? - The dock isn't the important part.
I guess I'm doomed to dry land.
I got it! I'll cast a spell to get you the perfect guy, and you can give me the perfect grade.
- What? - Man - Wait! - Left arm! Star, what did you do? - I think I turned her into a troll.
- Wha? Star Butterfly rules! - I'm hideous! - Quick! Change her back.
Oh, okay yeah, right Okay, yeah.
Lightning Change Back! - Huh.
Where are we? - You just zapped us back to the house! Oh.
I wish I knew how I did that.
It could really come in handy if I don't feel like using my legs.
Ludo, Master.
Star Butterfly has come home from school early today and she seems distracted.
Distracted? Excellent! This is the moment I've been waiting for.
No one's at their best when they're distracted! Finally! I'll get my hands on that glorious wand! When it transforms, it will match my hat.
And I'll get my big boy body.
Kick down the tower.
Zip, zap, zip, zip.
And I'm a lifeguard.
One, two, three - Is that CPR? - Silence! Yes, unfortunately, I was too late.
Please don't cry, Miss Skullnick.
Star, we can't keep stalling.
You're gonna have to call your mom.
She'll know how to reverse the spell.
No! I can't ask for help.
If my parents find out about this, they're gonna send me to Saint Olga's Reform School for Wayward Princesses.
It's a terrible, horrible place and no one who goes there ever comes out the same! - Is it all out yet? - Almost.
- Okay, I'm done.
- Look, Star, you just need to get the information without letting her know what's going on.
- You know, dance around the truth.
- I'm a great dancer.
Mirror, Mirror on the wall call Mom.
Calling Tom.
- Star! - No.
No.
- Oh, wait.
You're here.
I'm here - I said, call Mom, not Tom.
No, Star.
Don't hang up.
I really got to delete him off my mirror.
Oh, Star, darling, what a pleasant surprise! So, Mom.
Let's just say that someone accidentally turned someone into a troll with a wand.
Not that I would do that, no, because that would be completely irresponsible - Star, what is going on? - Gotta go, bye.
What happened? She jumped out the window! Wow, good job, Marco.
Wow, good job, Marco.
Ludo, what are you doing here? - Catching you at your most distracted! - What? I have been way more distracted than this.
I don't know, you seem pretty distracted.
- Nah, not really.
- Oh, well - What's that over there? - What? Where? Get her! Dagger Crystal Heart Attack! Feel the love.
I'm obligated to warn you, I'm a green belt with a stripe.
Ow! Ow! Rainbow Blast! Narwhal Blast! Narwhal Blast! Aww.
Narwhal blast.
Well, uh, I should probably be getting back.
Kids ain't gonna fight themselves, you know.
Maybe I'll see you around sometime.
Hey, Marco, you can handle this for a minute - on your own, right? - Oh, yeah, no problem.
- Cool, thanks! - Wait - Oh, Miss Skullnick! - What? See that monster over there? - He thinks you're cute.
- Really? - Ooh, what should I do? - Wait right here.
Hey there, Monster Guy.
See that troll over there? - Star! - Get him! Get him! Hey, guys! I think you forgot something.
Get the wand! Turbo Nuclear Butterfly Blast! Not again! - Ugh.
- Wow! - Oh.
- Get up! Get up! Told you I wasn't distract - Wait, did I just kill that guy? - No, he's not dead.
He's probably just bleeding internally and being a total baby about it.
Open wide.
Get up you, dipsticks! Ooh, you're so muscle-y.
- Ugh! - Ooooh! So now that I hooked you up, how about that "A"? Honey, please! I'd give you an "A plus" if I was still a teacher.
I'm setting sail with Captain Triceps here.
- What about my "A"? - Try studying.
So anyway, long story short, Skullnick ran off with this weird man-bull-guy thing to another dimension.
And now she is gone forever! Star Butterfly rules! Wow, Star, that is so rad, girl.
Thanks, but actually it's Marco who deserves all the credit.
Really? That's awesome! Ugh.
- Miss Skullnick? - He dumped me, I think.
I don't know.
I couldn't understand a word he was saying.
Welcome back, Skullzers.
Get ready for the worst pop quiz of your lives! Oh, man.
Sorry, Marco.
I didn't mean to embarrass you in front of Jackie.
Are you kidding? That's the most she's ever talked to me! Then that means I'm even better at matchmaking than I am with magic.
1x02b - "School Spirit" Oh, my gosh! I can't wait.
I can't wait.
My very first pep rally.
I am so excited.
- When aren't you excited? - Shh.
And now, Brittany Wong, who became head cheerleader on her own and not because her dad made a generous donation to the school.
Go, Echo Creek! Let's try not to get beat! Go, Echo Creek! Let's try not to get beat! Go, go, go, go, yeah! Make some noise if you love the Awesome Opossums! I love opossums.
They carry their babies on their backs.
You know she's talking about our football team, right? We're going up against the Warriors.
- Warriors? - Our rivals from Silver Hill Prep.
Every year their team slaughters our guys.
It's gonna be a bloodbath.
That's terrible! We must do something! Well, you could join the Spirit Committee.
Those kids are relentless when it comes to supporting the team.
Opossums! - Relentless.
- What a great idea.
We better pick up some supplies.
As fun as that sounds, you can go without me.
Okay.
Hey, Sculzy, what's your favorite weapon? Battle axe.
And now, our new mascot, that I never approved of, the Awesome Opossum.
Whoo-whoo! All right! Come on, Opossum No.
Where's the real possum? Did the Warriors steal it again? - Those jerks.
- Sadly, the real possum wasn't playing possum.
I hiss, I bite, I shake my tail like that! Hey, that's Ferguson! - He's our new mascot.
- Oh, no! That means the Warriors are gonna steal him! - Oh, that's silly.
- The only thing that's silly is how the Warriors are gonna look when they try to steal my friend! Oh so many brave young men, so many tragic losses.
Alpha Team One, commencing security sweep for the Warriors, over.
- Oh, Marco.
- Oh.
Hiyah! Ow.
How can we prevent another tragic loss to our team? Well, if I knew anything about football, I'd use the element of surprise.
- Of course, of course, of course.
- Surprise them.
- Bring out the kitty cat outfits.
- Yes! - Maybe even throw a couple of big bombs.
- Bombs! Yeah, I've got to go tell that to the Spirit Committee.
Bye.
We have an all clear.
Move! Move! Move! This is not the respect a guy in a possum suit deserves.
Don't worry, Sabrina.
The spirit boys are gonna catch you.
Grow some pom-poms.
- Huh? - Ugh.
- What the - Do these explode? Maybe we can set them on fire.
Uh we're kind of in the middle of something.
You're the leader? What's the plan? This year, we have a secret weapon.
We're gonna distract them with our booty-shaking dance moves.
Do you know nothing of combat? No Warrior's gonna be distracted by Chandelle's booty! - What? - Lucky for you, my mom assigned the Royal Guards as my babysitters.
You know you've done it right, when you hear the neck snap.
Yay! I know on planet Moo-ni, or wherever it is you're from, it may be okay to be stupid, but no pesky magical foreigner is gonna question my leadership! You are officially banned from the Spirit Committee! Fine.
It looks like it's all up to me.
Okay, thanks for coming out.
Come back never! Okay, if a Warrior tries to kidnap you, - blow on this stranger danger whistle.
- This is ridiculous.
I just wanted to dress up like a possum to pick up on ladies.
Hey, this whistle's gonna save your life! Put it in your mouth! Do it! - No! - Blow it! - Never! You get it away from me.
- Let me hear you blow.
Get the whistle away from me.
You guys ready to be part of my kitty cat offense? Oh, fine.
Then I guess we got to do this the hard way.
Kitty! I got you now! Why can't I go home? Dude, it's Taco Wednesday, it's a day we eat all the leftovers from Taco Tuesday! Because your house would be the first place the Warriors would look when they try to kidnap you! It kind of feels like you're trying to kidnap me.
I'd watch that talk if you ever want to see your parents again! Marco! Hey, Marco, do you have any highly flammable liquids? I don't know.
Check the garage.
Cool.
Thanks.
- All right - Man, I bet I could get a lot of action - if I had a real prehensile tail.
- Oh, yeah.
Hey, ladies, you care for a drink? Two, four, six, eight, distract them with our booty shake.
Oh, oh.
It's almost game time and thanks to me, no Warriors have even gotten close to you.
Who's ready for a bloody, bloody, bloodbath? What's with that crazed look in your eyes? What do you mean? Watch, Ferguson.
I need to talk to Princess Cuckoo Pants.
Stranger danger.
Stranger danger! - Okay, Star, what are you up to? - Exactly what you said.
- I booby-trapped the battlefield.
- What?! Star, the Warriors weren't actually going to kill our team, they were just gonna beat them in football, - which is a game! - Oh Oh, no.
Everything's going according to plan.
Let me guess, the kitty cat offense? We have to do something! All right.
Dude, you're awesome! Uh Thanks, bro.
- Marco! - No, no, no.
No! Mending Heart Hurricane! Out of my way! I'm too pretty to die! Mending Heart Hurricane! Nuclear Heart Healing Hurricane! Come on, fellas, can't we discuss this man to possum?! Hey, Marco, you were right, they were trying to kidnap me! - Ferguson, get off the field! - What? I can't hear you through all the explosions.
Ferguson! No, buddy! I'm sorry.
I failed you.
Look at me.
Dude! I was just playing possum! - Huh? - It's what we do! You're alive! This is why you only have two friends! - I really messed up.
- You mean, we really messed up.
I should have been watching out for you.
Let's get out of here! Hey, they just forfeited! We win! Yeah! Why do I have this weird feeling I'm forgetting something.
That was it.