Star Wars: Skeleton Crew (2024) s01e02 Episode Script

1
[Neel] Can't believe you said
you wanted to be a Jedi when you grow up.
[Wim] So what if I did?
Don't you ever want
to do anything exciting?
I found something buried in the woods.
Wait a minute. Someone's been here.
- You.
- Name's Fern.
She's KB. And this is our find.
If we open it,
then we get to go in and look.
- [Fern] Deal.
- [door clangs]
[whooshes]
- [Fern] It's just a droid.
- [Wim] A dead droid.
[Fern] Do not touch that.
Don't touch anything.
[Fern] Come on. Let's go! Let's go!
[dramatic music playing]
[Fern] It's a starship?
- [Wim] Dad! Dad! Up here!
- Wim!
[all screaming]
[gentle music playing]
[music ends]
- [all screaming]
- [alarms blaring]
You idiot! What did you do?
We're gonna explode into a million pieces!
- I-- I can turn it off. I can turn it off.
- How?
[whooshing]
[alarms stop]
Whoa!
Where are we?
If that was hyperspace, we could be
really, really, really far away.
This is so bad.
We-- We need to turn around
and go home right now.
Okay, okay. Easy.
If you press another button,
- I swear I will--
- [loud clang]
[snarl echoes]
[suspenseful music playing]
[distant metallic clanging]
[clanging getting louder]
What is that?
- [snarls]
- [yelps]
[stutters] Captain!
Intruders in the cockpit!
What should I do with these gremlins?
Snap their necks?
Throw them out of the airlock?
Don't hurt us!
Captain? Captain?
Gotta do everything around here.
- Come along, you lot.
- Ow! [grunts]
- Help! Let me go! Help!
- [Neel] No! No! Let him go!
- [Fern] Let him go.
- [Neel] Where are you taking him?
- To see the captain.
- [Wim] You gotta do something.
- I think he might be malfunctioning.
- [Wim] Neel.
- I can handle a droid. Come on.
- [droid] Captain.
Hey! Your captain's dead.
- [hand creaks]
- [grunts]
[sighs] Impertinent creatures
trying to f-f-fool me.
[Fern] Then why are we here
and he's not?
According to my program,
there can be no ship without a captain.
And the ship,
she's still here, so Captain.
[stutters] Captain. Captain.
Wim, what should we do?
Don't ask him. He's the whole reason
why we're here in the first place.
- Really, it's my fault?
- [droid] Captain.
It definitely is.
- It kind of is.
- [droid] Captain.
I got this. Hey, droid.
What do you want?
[Fern] What's your name?
There are some who call me SM-33.
Well, SM-33, I have some bad news.
- I killed your captain.
- [Neel gasps]
Most unlikely.
You seem ill-favored for combat.
But it's true.
I stabbed him right in the guts
and threw him into space.
Which makes me your new captain. Right?
[SM-33 grunts]
What am I to do with these stowaways?
Captain?
Hey, no fair! I wanted to be the captain.
As crew, you may challenge the captain
to a battle to the death.
Uh, no, that's okay.
Now, SM-33.
- Show me how to fly my ship.
- [SM-33] It's simple.
Primary acceleration, pitch, yaw, roll,
trim control, secondary acceleration,
rear thrusters, side thrusters,
base thrusters, secondary base thrusters,
tertiary thrusters, rear shield,
front shield, and finally, flaps. Got it?
Yeah. Makes complete sense.
- What does this one do?
- [SM-33] No, no. No!
That's the emergency
hull demolition sequencer, you fool!
- Never ever, ever touch that.
- I'm not gonna touch it.
- I wish you hadn't said that.
- Can I fly the ship?
- [Neel] Wim, no!
- [Fern and KB] No!
[Wim] Aw, man.
Can you fly it?
I most humbly suggest we fix
the critical systems as soon as possible.
I know a safe starport where we can get
anything we need, no questions asked.
No starports. Just turn this thing around
and get us home.
Aye, Captain.
- [computer beeps]
- [starship whirring]
Tell me, where is it that you call home?
Just back where we came from.
It's At Attin. Where we just were.
C-Can't say I remember no At Attin.
How does he not know?
Try searching
your memory bank's last location.
Searching, searching, searching,
- searching, searching, searching
- [rat squeaking]
searching, searching
[Neel] I think the rat ate his brain.
searching, searching
Hey, little guy. [screams]
- He-He jumped at me. I'm all right.
- At Attin! Take us to At Attin!
- Might you be thinking of Atollon?
- No.
Al Alcor? Aldhani?
It's a sulfurous bog world.
- No! At Attin!
- [Wim] No! At Attin!
Tell me then, Captain,
which one is At Attin?
We're lost.
We're really lost.
Wim, you promised
we wouldn't get in trouble,
but now we're way,
way out past the Barrier
in so much trouble
that we're lost forever.
Well, it's not all my fault.
Shall I throw him out of the airlock
for insolence, Captain?
Just
Just bring us
to that starport you mentioned.
Someone there can give us directions home.
- Aye, Captain.
- [computers beeping]
Prepare for hyperspace jump
in three, two, one.
[whooshes]
[rustling]
[Safety Droid 1] What was that?
[Safety Droid 2] Primitive lifeform.
Scan is normal.
[Safety Droid 1] Have you scanned
anything abnormal?
[Safety Droid 2] Negative.
There's nothing in this sector.
[Safety Droid 1] Search team four,
reporting in.
Source of seismic disturbance not found.
[rustling]
Wait. Something detected. Moving fast.
[man panting]
Help! Help!
[Safety Droid 1] Sir,
this is a restricted area.
- What are you doing out here?
- [panting]
A starship. A starship. My son.
- Sir, please remain calm.
- Wim and these other kids.
There's three of them.
They just took off in a starship.
[Safety Droid 2] A starship?
[Safety Droid 1] Impossible. Starships
are not permitted to enter or leave the--
Could be out past the Barrier by now!
Breaching the Barrier
is a serious violation.
- The Supervisor will not a--
- You gotta find 'em.
It's not safe out there.
You gotta bring 'em back.
- Of course. Come with us, sir.
- You gotta find my son.
[Neel] Wim!
Wim!
Wim, are you okay? We're in hyperspace.
Wim?
[Neel screams]
[exclaims]
[screams]
Look!
[whispers] I think they died in a duel.
[in normal voice] I wanna show you
something else! Come on!
- [pants]
- I think I found the captain's room.
- Look, we can all sleep in here.
- Ew.
Isn't it wizard?
All these skeletons and things are
are really neat and everything,
but don't you wanna go home?
Go home?
We just got here. Here, hold this.
What about my mom and dad?
They're probably really worried.
And the twins, Jorko and Jobo,
and little baby Tuloo?
Neel, we're in a starship now.
We can go anywhere we want
in the whole wide galaxy.
But there's a skeleto-- [coughing]
[sighs, coughs] All this stuff
is creepy and gross.
And the ship, it smells bad.
Do you really wanna sleep here?
I just wanna get to the starport.
Wait. We are going to the starport?
Ah, Port Borgo.
They say of Borgo, you'll rest well
in a soft bed or a shallow grave.
[thrilling music playing]
[speaking alien language]
[in English] This wee ferryman
will take you to the port.
I'll stay aboard and start repairs.
J-Just be sure
to keep your blaster at the ready.
And trust no one, Captain.
[dinghy hissing]
[Wim] Whoa. Oh.
[thrilling music continues playing]
Wow. Look at all those ships.
[indistinct chatter, clamor]
- [speaking in alien language]
- [gasps]
[in English] I think it wants payment.
Pay it, Wim.
[continues speaking in alien language]
Ooh. [laughing]
Remember,
we need directions home, that's all.
Wim. Wim, what are you doing?
I'm hiding the rest of my dataries.
[man retching]
[all laughing]
[Neel] Oh! Ew.
[Fern] Okay, all we gotta find
is one normal place to ask for directions.
Look, aliens.
[grunts]
They're so weird-looking.
Can't you plug his trunk or something?
Heh. I don't talk with my trunk.
Just stay together.
[thrilling music continues playing]
[grunting]
[sniffs, groans]
[Wim] What about in there?
Just keep walking.
Go. Better ask somewhere else.
[conversing in alien language]
[in English]
Stay close, guys. This place
- [man 1 laughs]
- [man 2] Hold off.
Guys? Guys?
Come on.
[mysterious music playing]
[chitters]
[man] Our prices are light years from
exorbitant and satisfaction is ensured!
Buy now! Buy now!
Before your enemy samples
the famous bargains of Borgo.
Death comes to all,
but these bargains are rare.
Watch the droids dance, friends,
dazzle in their lethality!
Are you suffering
from assassination frustration?
[people exclaim]
[man] Fascinating weaponry.
- Absolutely novel toxicants.
- [bot whirring]
Our prices are light years
from exorbitant! Buy now!
One of your enemies
I said stay together.
Now, where are those stinko boys?
[gasps] Are you, are you children?
- Who brought you here?
- We brought ourselves. Why?
Honey, Borgo is full
of the nastiest pirates
in the sector.
It's not safe here for children.
- [both] Pirates?
- Yes. I have to get you to a transport.
- Do you have any money?
- We got our own ship.
We just need some directions home,
and then we'll be out of here.
Okay, well, where's home?
At Attin.
[scoffs] Come on, seriously, girls,
where are you from?
- [chitters]
- [indistinct chatter]
[Neel sniffs] Ooh. That smells good.
Let's go ask for directions over there.
What do you want?
Um We'll have two of
whatever he's having.
[fry cook] Nibsy,
give me two more specials.
Hey, hey, hey! Not too much, not too much.
- You're always overfillin' it.
- [grunts]
Okay, here we go. Daily special.
- [squelching]
- There, there, nice and tasty.
And one more for you.
Uh, I'm okay.
No topping for me, sir. Um
That'll be two decs.
That'll be what now, sir?
Two decs. Credits?
What do you think this is,
a kriffing charity?
Uh Wim, pay him.
[alien] Come on, kid, pay up.
Okay. [sighs] Is-- Is this enough, sir?
[alien] Whoa!
Where the blazes did you get that?
Oh.
Uh, I mean, uh, this--
this ain't enough.
Premium topping's five decs extra.
And y-you're gonna wanna leave a tip
for, you know, good service.
How much you got on you?
Come on. Let's see.
Watch it. He's trying to cheat ya.
Mind your business, scum!
- [grunts]
- [both yell]
[alien groaning] My arm!
Where'd you two find
an Old Republic credit in mint condition?
- His dad gave it to him for lunch money.
- No. Shh.
[chuckling] Lunch money?
Where are you two from?
Uh, At Attin.
- At Attin. [laughs]
- [all laughing]
Yeah, right.
What? We're just looking
for some directions.
[scoffs] Yeah. You and me both.
Eh, it's gotta be fake.
Looks real enough to me.
Back off or I'll pop yer breathing sac.
See if they got more on 'em.
Um, Wim, do something.
[grunts] Run!
[all exclaiming]
- I'm trying to help you.
- You're trying to kidnap us.
[KB] You're hurting my arm.
Girls, whatever you're running from,
you need a much better story
than At Attin.
- But it's true.
- Really? You're a couple of linderlings
- from the lost planet of eternal treasure?
- Lost planet?
- Eternal treasure?
- [Wim] Help!
- [Fern gasps]
- [aliens shouting distantly]
Help! Help!
Fern! Fern, help! [panting]
Help! Help! Oh!
[grunts]
- No. No! No!
- [Neel whimpering]
Everyone back off.
- Wim, what did you do?
- What? Nothing.
Put it down, little one.
We just want the credits.
There ain't enough to go around
and I saw 'em first.
Unless they really are from At Attin.
Don't be stupid. At Attin's a myth.
[aliens laughing]
[SM-33] Do not touch my captain.
[whirring]
- [feet thudding]
- [dramatic music playing]
Get back to your ship, droid.
- Not without me captain.
- [rat squeaks]
What, her?
And I'm not leaving without KB.
[Wim] Fern!
[sighs] And the boys.
[sighs, groans]
[grunts]
[children gasp]
[groaning]
- [bot whirring]
- Come on. [grunting]
Blast 'em.
[Neel yelps]
[aliens groaning]
- [Wim screams]
- [blaster fire continues]
- [groaning]
- [sizzling]
- [shuddering]
- [screeching]
[screams]
[chirping, chittering]
I humbly suggest we return to the ship.
- This way.
- [grunts]
No! Now look what you've made me do.
It's ruined.
- [man exclaims]
- I mean, it looks perfect to me, sir.
[kids panting]
[Fern] Wim, Wim, pay him.
Why did you bring us here?
To escape to the ship.
No, why did you bring us
to a pirate port full of pirates?
Because we are also pirates.
We are not pirates.
[SM-33] You're not pirates?
- [Fern] We're kids.
- [SM-33] Why cannot kids--
- [blaster fires]
- [electronic whining, crackling]
[gasps] No. No. 33!
[squeaking]
[Brutus growls]
What's a litter of runts
doing in my starport?
We just wanna go home.
How do they have our coordinates?
How did they get past the cannons?
Why didn't you ask our droid
before you shot it?
Don't worry, Captain.
We'll get the truth out of 'em.
See that they don't run off again.
We're right here.
You got a question for us,
ask us yourself.
[softly] Don't make him mad, Fern!
Feisty girl. Cool off in the brig
a day or two. Then we'll talk.
Brig? What's a brig?
This is not what the galaxy
was supposed to be like.
You probably shouldn't lay on there.
I mean, the dirt is really dirty.
Okay, enough moping.
Let's figure out
how to get home step by step.
- [Neel moans]
- Step one. Get out of the brig.
Okay.
[sighs] How are we gonna do that?
Hey, what if we train this little guy
to go get the key over there?
- Uh, we can try.
- Move, move. Let's do it.
Climb up those poles and get the key
and come back. You understand me, right?
- [squeaking]
- [Neel] You got it?
All right. Do it.
It's hanging above there, okay?
[squeaking]
- No, no, no, no, no!
- No, no, the other way.
- The key! Over there!
- This way!
- [Neel] The key. Over there.
- It's hanging right there.
No, no, no.
- No. No. [groans]
- [squeaking]
Anyway. Step two. Find SM-33, fix him,
and get him back to the ship.
- All of that is step two?
- Step three.
We still need directions home,
but everyone thinks At Attin
is some sort of make-believe myth.
That's why those pirates
were laughing at us.
I guess the legend is that At Attin
holds some sort of eternal treasure.
What? That's so dumb.
Who would believe that?
You were the one who hyperspaced us
to the other side of the galaxy
because you thought
we were in a Jedi temple.
[sighs] Look, maybe we can
just buy our way out--
Don't be so dense. Show 'em that,
and they're just gonna steal it.
[scoffs] At least it's a plan.
We wouldn't be in jail
if you didn't order 33
to fly us to a pirate--
[man] Now, now.
- Don't fight.
- [chains rattling]
[footsteps approaching]
Fear not. I only want to help you.
Hey, back off!
I can help you get to your ship.
Find that planet of yours.
All I ask is that you take me with you.
I've been stuck
on this scabby rock far too long.
How are we even gonna get out of here?
The key.
Okay, genius, we can't reach it.
The distance between us and the key
is an illusion.
[keys jingling]
[mysterious music playing]
[softly] You're
You're a Jedi.
[shushes]
Can you keep a secret?
[theme music playing]