Stumptown (2019) s01e02 Episode Script

1 - [CLEARS THROAT.]
Ma'am.
- Don't call me ma'am.
- What would you like me to call you? - Dex.
Previously on "Stumptown" Dex, are we gonna be okay? Yeah.
My granddaughter's run away.
I need someone I can trust.
[SCREAMS.]
You gotta know when to quit, lady.
People call the police when something like this happens.
When you hire an amateur, you're gonna get amateur mistakes.
Yeah, I get it.
Good cop, bad cop.
Which one are you? Where is she? HOFFMAN: Things could have really gone bad, and they didn't because of you.
Sometimes people have problems.
The kind of problems that police can't help with.
That's where you come in.
GREY: You, a PI? You can barely find your keys half the time.
Might keep me out of trouble.
To scold me - 'Cause when I'm bad - CLERK: Is that all? Yeah.
I'm so, so bad - [DOORBELL DINGS.]
- ROBBER: Open the register! - Now! Now! - [CASH REGISTER DINGS.]
Come on! Come on! Let's go! [BREATHING HEAVILY.]
- So, let's dance - It's a great show.
- Excuse me? - Your hat.
Fiona X.
At the Roseland.
Yeah.
Yeah, it was.
Yeah, I'm a big fan, obviously.
Hey! Speed it up! Toniiiiiight Yeah, those were the punk days, you know? Before she totally sold out.
Don't they all, right, man? For love Sorry, but, uh, I'm gonna need all your Yep, yep.
Um For romance tonight I'm in between jobs right now, so I don't have, uh That's it.
Oh.
Okay.
I'll just, uh, take the beanie.
You want my beanie? Lady, just give the man your beanie.
Yeah.
'Cause when I'm bad I'm so, so bad - Hey! - [GRUNTS.]
So let's dance The last dance Let's dance The last dance Let's dance The last dance Toniiiiiiiight [BODY THUDS.]
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Yeaaaaah Ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Lady, it's okay.
Take the beer.
Oh, I need you by me Thanks.
To hold me [MAN GROANS.]
- Oh! - Oh! Sh Oh, man.
I'm sorry.
No, I'm sorry.
My fault.
No, that's my fault.
Let's dance toniiiiiiight Can I buy you a beer? [SIREN WAILING.]
Before the cops get us.
[BIRDS CHIRPING.]
GREY: [SNORING.]
[LOCK DISENGAGES.]
[SNORING CONTINUES.]
[WOOD CREAKS.]
[ALARM BLARING.]
[GROANS.]
Okay, don't touch it! The fire department will come.
[BLARING CONTINUES.]
[COUGHS.]
- [BLARING STOPS.]
- [SIGHS.]
- Good morning.
- Sorry.
I-I-I didn't think a place like this would have an alarm, so I That's a nice thing to say.
I'd offer you a Bloody Mary, but, um, I'm starting a detox cleanse today.
- No, thanks.
- If you want any, I have plenty.
No.
I better get going, so But, um, last night was really fun.
Thank you.
Greg.
My name is Greg.
Yeah, I know your name, Greg.
It's actually Grey.
You were close.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Okay, I'm terrible with names.
Well, I will tell you you know your way around a foosball table.
You were 10 for 10 last night.
You're a Sagittarius.
You're in between jobs.
You're afraid of heights.
You hate water chestnuts.
Yeah.
Wow.
Uh you really remembered everything, huh? And you don't remember anything about me.
No, last night is a bit of a blur.
Well, why don't I give you the Cliff Notes? My name is Grey.
Listen, you seem like a really nice person.
But, uh, last night was a Well, it was a night.
It was a fun night, but, um, I It just might be better not to get into the whole You know, because we're probably not gonna see each other again.
Okay.
Well, have a good one.
Yeah.
You too.
- You know where you're going? - Yep.
- [DOOR CLOSES.]
- Dodged that bullet.
[YUNO'S "NO GOING BACK" PLAYS.]
I spend all my time Hey, Grey, it it goes against everything I believe in beer, fun, - good, unclean living.
- Come on.
You say this every year.
We're talking about three days.
Ugh.
That's a perfect pour.
How about a rum floater, just to get the first one down easy? No.
[SIGHS.]
- And don't fight tradition.
Okay? Let the detox begin.
Let's take a big sip.
No going back from it, baby Mm-hmm.
Come on.
You can really taste the bitter melon.
[SLAPS TABLE.]
You guys are so cute together.
No going back from it, baby [BOTH CHUCKLE.]
So, uh, did you call the guy? What guy? The guy from the card that your cop buddy gave you.
Well, first of all, the cop is not my buddy.
And, uh, yeah, the guy wanted me to find out if his wife was cheating, and I said, "Friend, let me save you some time and money.
She is.
" And why didn't you give him that information after he paid you? What kind of soulless monster do you think I am? A broke one.
Yeah, that's a fair point.
Hey, bud.
Hey, buddy! I missed ya.
How are you? I can't find my phone.
Okay, well, if I was $200 that we did not have, where would I be? Not in the belt clip I bought you.
The belt clip is lame.
Yeah, it's super lame.
Don't s It's not It's not lame.
- It's lame.
- It's lame.
- It doesn't look cool.
- It serves a purpose.
Oh, bless you, sir.
That's not for you.
That's for that man right there table five.
You know where I wanna be Ah, enjoy.
I know I would.
Thank you.
Miss Parios? Yeah.
Uh, not sure how much your bartender friend told you, but, um, we got to talking last night, and he said you maybe could help me? Help you with what? A dilemma.
Please.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
So, uh, something happened to me the other evening.
Um, and it's been haunting me ever since.
I know how this may sound, but last Wednesday at about 8:30 I met a woman.
Okay.
We talked for only two or three hours, but, um, we had this connection.
Uh, is there a-a dilemma part? Oh, right, yes.
Well, uh, I took her number, but then the next day, when I called, it seems it wasn't in service.
I don't know if I, you know, took it down wrong or wh what happened.
And you And you want me to do what? - Find her.
- A-A woman you met in a bar? Uh, look.
Um, you seem like a really nice guy.
Is it, uh, possible that maybe she gave you the wrong number because she didn't want you to call? I'll pay you $1,000.
I may need some more details.
Her name is Katrina.
I met her at The Bolo Room.
Blonde, Caucasian, 5'4".
Drank a French 75.
And she had a tattoo of a wild mustang right here.
Subtle.
Okay, how about this? Um, I'll try to find her, and if I do, and for any reason, she doesn't want to see you, I still get paid.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
I thought this kind of thing only happened once in a lifetime.
I had it once, with my late wife.
It's just that if what Katrina and I had was real, I hate to think that I missed it.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
[KNOCK ON DOOR.]
- DEX: Hey.
- Hey.
I thought we were never gonna see each other again.
It's been like 15 seconds.
[CHUCKLES.]
I forgot my car, uh, broke down last week, and Did you also forget that I drove you here last night? And the funny thing is I was actually gonna go look at a car today.
[LAUGHING.]
You want me to drive you?! [SMACKS LIPS.]
And now you find yourself in '82 This tape deck's got a mind of its own.
I think this song is trying to tell me that this is my car.
Are you honestly considering buying this piece of crap? - [DOOR CREAKS, CLOSES.]
- It's got a character.
- Character, yes.
- Yeah.
It's like a dog in the pound that no one's ever gonna adopt.
Okay, look, there are other decent-ish cars in this lot.
This is not the dog for you.
- You got to trust me.
- [INHALES SHARPLY.]
And what makes you such an expert? 'Cause I'm a car guy.
Oh, gross.
I slept with a car guy.
- Heat of the moment - Ugh! Shone in your eyes Kinda dig the color.
Vomit is not a color.
- No offense.
- Ah.
If you buy this car, it's gonna break down, and then I'm gonna have to fix it, and that sucks.
Okay, cool.
Uh, how much? - Only $600.
- $600.
That's a rip-off.
Yeah, I'll take it.
[MUSIC CONTINUES.]
That's a bad purchase.
Ohh, she's so pretty! What were the things you wanted for yourself? - Teenage ambit - [ENGINE SHUTS OFF, MUSIC STOPS.]
Hey, so, she's a little finicky.
Uh, half turn with the key, count to four-one-thousand, pump the gas twice, full turn, or the horn's gonna go I'll just leave it out front.
Yeah, that works, too.
[EXHALES.]
BARTENDER: French 75.
Yeah, I remember her.
She had to tell me how to make it.
Pretty embarrassing.
- And why is that? - I'm a mixologist.
I can't have people telling me how to make drinks.
She was talking some guy's ear off.
He really earned that kiss.
Kat.
Is that it? Yeah, Katrina.
I'm, uh I'm looking for her.
- Why? - Does it really matter? It does if you're a psycho and I help you find her and she ends up in a ditch somewhere and I gotta live with that.
Wow.
Okay.
Well, I'm assuming you carded her, yes? - I'm sorry, can I help you? - I think you can, yeah.
You see, this this lady here, she served a minor.
Only 17 years old.
[INHALES SHARPLY.]
So I'm just wondering how long a place like this will last without a liquor license.
Ooh.
Eye contact.
Good sign.
She took a cab home.
- You mean an Uber? - No, a cab.
How would I know if she took an Uber? How would you know if she took a cab? 'Cause I called one for her? Okay.
Now we're getting somewhere.
You wouldn't happen to know the cab company, would you? This, uh, Katrina person was never here, right? Nope.
Nope.
Hey, hold the door.
Can you hold the door? - [DOOR SLAMS.]
- Come on.
If you had a key, I wouldn't have to.
Can't trust anyone these days.
[SIGHS.]
[RINGING.]
- WOMAN #1: Hello? - Yeah? Delivery.
For what? Chinese.
Uh, food.
[DOOR BUZZES.]
- WOMAN #2: You're being paranoid.
- MAN: What is up with you?! You're being paranoid, and you need to leave.
- No, I'm not being paranoid! - Get out! Get Devon is not there.
You're the only one there.
- [3 ONE OH'S "COME OUT AND PLAY" PLAYS.]
- [GLASS BREAKS.]
- [ARGUING CONTINUES.]
- Oh, geez.
- Come out and play - Hi-ya.
Hi-ya.
Uh, I live down the hall.
Is, uh Is everything okay? Yeah, we're just baking a cake.
Lemon.
Do you like lemon? - I do.
- Great.
Maybe we'll bring you a slice tomorrow, okay? You take care.
- I mean it! - WOMAN #2: Just go! Just go! - Just give it back! - Just go! - Well, give me that one! Aah! - Stop! I've been catchin' vibes so fresh and clean Lady, you are really starting to irritate me.
Oh, gosh, - I am so sorry about that.
Do you want me to come back with the police? - You want to call the police? - Now, let's just take it easy.
- Get out! - Why are you pushing me?! Easy.
All right.
Get your hands off of me! - What are you What are you doing?! - Hey.
- Don't touch me! - Get back inside! That's it! I'm gonna [SCREAMING.]
It's a beautiful day Aah! - Come out and play - Aah! [GRUNTS.]
- Stay there! - Do you see what you've done?! [INDISTINCT SHOUTING.]
[SCREAMS.]
It's a beautiful day Come out and play Aah! I've been watching you watchin' me Lady, I don't know what's your problem.
We've got some things to do [SCREAMING.]
Ohh! Let your hair down, be who you wanna be Aah! We make it look good, so easy - [GROANS.]
- Get out.
DEX: She doesn't want to see you again.
[EXHALES SHARPLY.]
You're crazy.
You're both crazy! [BREATHING HEAVILY.]
You okay? It's a beautiful day Who was that? Doug.
He's my, um, ex.
[SIGHS.]
You Katrina? Yeah.
I'm sorry.
Have we met? No, I was, uh I was hired to find you.
Just give me a second.
Ohh.
[BREATHES DEEPLY.]
It's beautiful Uh, it's unlocked, or it it doesn't lock.
[DOOR CREAKS.]
KATRINA: Wow.
I can't believe Allen hired you.
I was hoping he felt the same.
He was so kind and different.
He stood up from his chair when I went to the restroom.
- I mean - Mm.
what guy does that anymore? - That's when I knew.
- [SEATBELT CLICKS.]
That he had good manners? That I had to give him the wrong number.
Oh.
You did do that on purpose.
Did you ever feel like you weren't worthy of being with the right person? Like you make a mess of everything? I just figured I'd ruin it with Allen in the end, so You know, why put him through that? Well, why meet him now? What's different? You.
Maybe you coming here is the universe telling me that I am worthy.
[ENGINE STARTS.]
[CAPTAIN & TENNILLE'S "LOVE WILL KEEP US TOGETHER" PLAYS.]
Oh! This song is a good omen.
Do you follow the signs? Apparently not.
Love Oh, you got a ticket.
I did.
I did.
Whoa, you have a lot of parking tickets.
Think of me, babe, whenever [DOORBELL CLANGS.]
Some sweet-talking girl comes along Singin' her song Don't mess around You've just got to be strong Just stop Hello again.
Hello.
It's good to see you.
Yeah? Look in my heart and let love keep us together It's a mustang.
Uh, it's beautiful.
- [LAUGHING.]
Yeah? - Yeah.
- [BREATHING HEAVILY.]
- Hi.
Hi.
You belong to me now [CASH REGISTER DINGS.]
Sorry.
I, um, need to get the Uh, sorry.
When those girls start hanging around Thank you, Ms.
Parios.
KATRINA: Thank you.
You two kids have fun.
- Bye! - Bye.
- It's from China.
- You went to China? DEX: I don't know.
The whole thing seemed so crazy.
You know, a-a guy meets a woman in a bar, and after one drink, he is convinced that she's the one.
Yeah.
How many times have I told you not to put coffee grounds in the disposal? I mean, what if they end up together? Do I detect sentimentality? I'm just asking the question.
I mean, if something is too good to be true, - probably is, right? - Well, here's my question What's my cut for hooking you up with this case? - What do I get? - Okay, matchmaking is not a case.
But apparently, that's what I do now.
What are you doing? Having a beer.
I cracked a case.
Oh, so, now it's a case? Put it back.
You're weak.
ANSEL: Hey, Dex.
Hey, buddy.
Did you download it? No.
I'm sorry.
I forgot.
Download what? - [CELLPHONE BUZZES, CHIMES.]
- An app to find my phone.
What?! The check bounced! Can you believe that? No wonder this loser's all alone.
Well, that was a 180.
Maybe it's too good to be true, huh? Can you keep an eye on Ansel? Yeah, where are you going? I'm going to get my money.
[THE PRETENDERS' "BRASS IN POCKET" PLAYS.]
Got brass In pocket Got bottle I'm gonna use it Intention I feel inventive - [CELLPHONE BUZZING.]
- Gonna make you, make you Make you notice [BUZZING CONTINUES.]
Got motion Ah, Ansel.
Been diving - Hello? - Detroit leaning No, Ansel, um no habla Ingles.
[DOORBELL RINGS.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Hello? Hello? Allen? Geez.
Should have doubled my rate.
Hello? This guy's loaded.
[CRACK.]
[OBJECT CLATTERS.]
Allen? [METAL CLANKING SOFTLY.]
[SIGHS.]
[DOG PANTING.]
Oh, God.
Hey, there Millie.
Where's your daddy, huh? [GROWLING.]
HOFFMAN: Sure you're okay? Yeah, I'm fine.
I don't know what I'm still doing here, though.
Well, typically, when the police find someone in a home that they've entered illegally, this is where they end up.
Yeah, but I called the cops.
That's what makes this so ironic.
[SCOFFS.]
Look, my client stiffed me.
I mean, that's a crime, right? So is breaking and entering.
- The door was ajar.
- Still illegal.
So is operating as a private investigator without a license.
This isn't about me, all right? We have the heir to the Brantley Vineyards fortune, a man of means and resources.
Did your client know of your non-professional status before he hired you? He could be in danger, okay? And so could the woman that he wanted me to find.
- In danger from who? - Uh, I don't know.
Here's a wild guess.
Um, the guy who knocked me out.
I thought you didn't see who knocked you out.
Look, the woman, Katrina she has an ex, okay, and he has a terrible temper.
Trust me.
Why don't we locate Mr.
Watkins first? But you No, you need to focus on Katrina and the ex.
I know that sounds like an '80s band name, but that's where your focus should be, okay? Okay.
We'll We'll We'll get into it.
I know his name.
She said it.
It's, uh, Doug Blick.
Doug Blix.
You should check him for priors.
Right away.
Anything else we can do for you, Miss Parios? No, ma'am.
May I be excused? Oh, you know, I'm I'm sorry.
You have this illegal entry charge against you, so [INHALES SHARPLY.]
you can't really go anywhere until that's resolved.
Seriously? Seriously.
Great.
Let's go.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Can't you do something? - Okay, listen.
- [SIGHS.]
Just because we you know You want me to finish that sentence? Okay, it doesn't mean that I can give you special privileges or put my job on the line.
Like I'm asking for that.
Aren't you? Think about it.
- It was one night, not even.
- [SCOFFS.]
I start pulling favors, how's that gonna look? Hi.
Uh, wait by the reception desk.
Yes, sir.
Hey.
Everything all right? I got a speeding ticket.
[CHUCKLES.]
You know I hate dropping your name, but my insurance is gonna go through the roof, so All right.
I'll take care of it.
[CHUCKLES.]
Thank you.
[SNIFFS.]
GREY: So, I got to be honest.
I'm, uh, coming out of a long-term thing.
What, like parole? [CHUCKLES.]
How long were you guys together? - Four years.
- Wow.
- But I just want to be honest because - Let me guess.
Um, you're not, uh, emotionally available right now? Yeah, and the the fun that we had last night, well, it can't happen again 'cause you're still dealing with all that baggage? Yeah, I was gonna say something like that.
Well, I've got some good news for you, bub.
I am not into anything real.
- Like, nothing.
- [CHUCKLES.]
So this is This is not gonna work out great.
Well, that's a match made in heaven.
- Yes, it sure is.
- [CHUCKLES.]
[CHUCKLES.]
But also, I really did do time.
I'm sorry? Grand theft.
The funny thing is that when the Staties caught us, my partner in crime, uh, his great alibi was he said that we were writers for Car and Driver.
- [LAUGHING.]
No.
- [CHUCKLING.]
Yes, he did.
So I did 18 months in the Oregon State Pen.
- Wow.
- Yep.
Well, I've never slept with a convict.
Except for Sammy.
Oh, yeah? What'd he do? She.
Compulsive shoplifter.
- She? - It was really horrible.
We Hello.
Um, I'm gonna get the Asian chicken salad and a scotch and soda.
And my felon friend here Will have the water because I'm on a detox.
- Still? - It's been four hours.
And could you hold the, uh, water chestnuts for the Asian chicken? She doesn't like it.
[LIQUID GURGLES.]
ANSEL: We're closed.
Oh.
[CHUCKLES.]
Yeah.
Well, door was open.
I'm looking for Greyson McConnell.
Grey's not here.
You shouldn't be back there.
Oh, no.
No, me me me and Grey are old pals.
Man! He's done good for himself, hasn't he? You work here, huh? [CHUCKLES.]
Do you Do you have the keys to that that office? You You've been in there, though, right? Well, does Grey have a like, a safe, you know, a place where he puts stuff? [CHUCKLES.]
[SCOFFS.]
[GLASS THUDS.]
This is for you.
Oh.
Okay.
It's a nice bar.
Are these really necessary?! Doug Blix, you're here under suspicion of battery and assault.
I did not hurt anybody! I understand.
I get it.
Your girl, she falls for someone else.
You get pissed.
You go after them both.
[SCOFFS.]
- It's human nature.
No! I found out she was stealing from me, okay? And the crazy thing is this if she would have just asked me, I would have just given her the money.
I loved Kaitlin.
- You mean Katrina? - No.
Kaitlin.
Kaitlin Washko, AKA Katrina, AKA Kendra suspected of financial fraud in three cases over the past six months.
So, she's a con artist.
Yeah, and a good one at that.
She cleaned out several high-net-worth victims.
No charges ever stuck, though.
Well, that's why my check bounced.
So, Kaitlin, Kelly, whatever she had an accomplice.
Victim said the girl was presented as a friend, but she definitely was in on it.
Megan Miller.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I saw her.
- You sure? Yeah, I saw her at Katrina's place.
Wow.
Well, she's run a ton of scams across several states with other partners prior to Katrina, but here's the kicker last year, Megan was tied to the murder of a middle-aged wealthy man, but they couldn't pin it on her.
Okay, so, they have Allen somewhere, just draining him of funds.
They're gonna kill him.
We We We have to find him.
- "We"? - Yeah, "we.
" I dumped this case in your lap.
- Go home, Dex.
- [SIGHS.]
Okay, so, I'm off of probation, Officer? Is that right? That means if we get a break, I'll call you.
Don't bother.
I don't want you doing me any favors.
- Stay out of it, Dex.
- Yep.
Or don't.
OPERATOR: Your call is important to us.
You know, I gotta say I feel a little bit guilty because I'm the one who hooked you up with this guy.
You know what really pisses me off is that I fell for it.
All that meet cute crap.
It's embarrassing.
You think they'd actually kill this guy? It's certainly in their wheelhouse.
It's crazy, right? You meet somebody in a bar one night and you have no idea what you're getting into.
Your call is important to us.
Please hold the line.
We'll be right back with CUSTOMER SERVICE LADY: I see you're trying to add a phone number for fraud alert to your First Frontier Bank accounts.
I just need to verify your account, Mr.
Watkins.
All right? Yeah.
Yes, I'm ready.
Wonderful.
Two security questions Your mother's maiden name? Brantley.
Big wine family.
Yeah, uh, mother's maiden is Brantley.
It's a pretty big wine family.
Okay, great.
And your pet's name? Um [CLICK.]
Um It, uh Oh, it was on the bowl.
Millie.
Millie.
Try Millie.
[CLICK.]
That would be, uh, Millie.
Millie with an "M.
" Okay, Mr.
Watkins.
I'm adding this phone number as a fraud alert contact.
You have a great day.
- You, too.
Sh - You, too.
I can't believe that worked.
Nice job! [SIGHS.]
You know, actually, people can go to jail for what I just did.
- Yeah, as well they should.
- [CHUCKLES.]
I have known you a long time, Hoffman.
She's good.
She's smart.
That's all it is.
I just don't want you compromising your professional integrity for whatever personal dynamic - the two of you might have.
- Never.
And especially with somebody who is such a mess.
- [SIGHS.]
- You like jazz, Lieutenant? I mean, I'm more of a Joni Mitchell fan, but super excited to hear where this is going.
Coltrane.
He was the master of perfectly composed music.
And then there was Mingus.
He was raucous, free-form, rebellious.
Nothing polite about him, rejected the mainstream.
I'm a Mingus guy.
I get him.
I understand him.
So, what you're saying is you got a handle on Dex Parios.
I do.
Until I don't.
But as long as I do, let's see what she can dig up.
[CELLPHONE BUZZES, CHIMES.]
[CLEARS THROAT.]
Whoa.
It worked.
Security alert.
We found them.
Who did we find again? The women.
The The con women.
Somebody just tried to withdraw $50,000 from my client's account.
So, what are you gonna do? Call the cops now? Yeah.
Yeah, on the way.
Dex, call the cops, please! Oh, hey, bud.
Where you been? Practicing outside.
Cool.
ANSEL: Your friend came by.
Oh, yeah? Which friend was that? With the gold tooth.
[TIRES SQUEALING.]
[PARKING BRAKE CLICKS.]
[SIGHS.]
Your check bounced.
- Are you in danger? - Not at all.
Then why did you just withdraw $50,000 in cash? Uh, it's my money.
I'll do with it as I please.
Allen.
Allen, she is a con artist.
Okay.
Your services are no longer needed, and you are no longer under my employ.
Look, I know you care about this woman.
You wouldn't have hired me if you didn't.
But these women have been fleecing guys like you - for years.
- [CAR ALARM DISENGAGES.]
I mean, one ended up dead that they know of.
She wants out.
Out of what? The life.
Look, this woman she's with Megan she's the dangerous one, okay? She's the one who's forced Katrina into this career.
And the only way that Megan is ever gonna leave Katrina alone is if is if she's paid off.
Okay, so, that's what the money is for? Yes! That's why I need to go right now by myself so Katrina and I can be together.
Allen, has Megan ever threatened you? No! No.
At least let the police do the drop with you.
No! No! No, no, no, no, no.
You cannot do this by yourself.
I can, and I will! This is a business transaction between two consenting adults.
And And I don't need anybody's help.
And so so I thank you, and goodbye.
Okay.
All right.
I hope you know what you're doing.
I do! Wait! Your fee.
I forgot.
Oh, I just realized this would short me $1,000, and she's expecting $50,000 even.
Can Can I pay you tomorrow? - Yeah.
- Okay.
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS.]
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.]
[LAUGHS.]
Jack Feeney.
All right! [CHUCKLES.]
Oh, man, what's it been, 10 years? You got to tell me, man.
You been back on the inside? A few times.
Uh, what's up, man? What do you want to talk to me about? I got a call from Frank.
What did Frank want? Kane's calling in his money, and he's getting Frank to come and collect it.
No, that's not right.
Kane's in for life.
He doesn't need the money.
Well, what's the difference? It's his, right? We're We're supposed to be watching out for him, so All right.
Well You didn't do anything stupid with your half, did you, Feeney? $250,000 that's a lot of scratch to sit on.
How much did you blow through? I got like 400 bucks.
Look, I'm wrong.
I'll be the first to admit it.
But I'm I'm wondering if you got the other half of that.
You're looking at it.
How do you think I bought this bar? You know we're both on the hook for this money.
My bar's actually successful.
I-I can pay it off.
[CHUCKLING.]
What do you mean? In In installments? We're talking about half a mil.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kane's not gonna go for that.
You got a better idea? You have fire insurance? Look, Feeney, I'm not burning down my bar.
Okay, well, then we gotta get on the road.
Everything I got is right here.
I'm not going anywhere.
Well, Frank is coming.
Well, then, I'll talk to him.
- Okay.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Okay.
It's about money.
He can handle this.
- Okay.
Yeah, no, good luck.
- This is Great.
I'm out.
A moving target's harder to hit.
You know who used to say that? Who used to say it? You.
- Feeney.
- No.
[HALL AND OATES' "PRIVATE EYES" PLAYS.]
[CELLPHONE BEEPING.]
NAVIGATION: Ansel's iPhone on Burnside Street.
I see you - And you see me - GREY: Last lap.
The final stretch.
- ANSEL: Oh, yeah, you're going down.
- No, I'm still in front of you.
- I'm in front of you.
- Yeah, no, we're clo Oh, no! - I win! - Nice, man! You're pretty good.
You want to do one more? I'm gonna talk to your sis for a sec.
You should have told me that your brother is a shark.
Yeah, he likes his video games.
He's good.
Oh, you know, I was thinking, uh, if you're interested, maybe we can get a real dinner tonight.
Just you and me.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sure.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Great.
So we'll do it tonight.
Is that your sandwich or his? Uh, it's for him.
- Good.
- Thanks.
All right.
I see what you're doing! I saw what you did! - Give it to me! - ANSEL: No.
- Let's go.
Come on.
- No.
No.
All right, here we go.
Oughta know If you're letting me in - Ugh! - Or letting me go - Don't lie - [CELLPHONE BEEPING.]
Ansel's iPhone on North Willamette Boulevard.
You can't escape my private eyes They're watching you They see your every move Baby, private eyes They're watching you I think my husband is in there with another woman.
[SIGHS.]
Please, I-I-I cannot go back to the front desk, okay? This is This whole thing is humiliating.
I don't get paid enough money for this.
Yeah, that's a good point.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
I've been there.
Give him hell.
You're beautiful.
Inside and out.
[DOOR LOCK BEEPS.]
[GRUNTS.]
Help! Help! [SCREAMING.]
[GRUNTING.]
Ohh! Funny how we keep crossing paths.
Hilarious.
I shoulda hit you harder at Allen's house.
[GROANING.]
You're scared.
Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! [GRUNTING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
- [GROANS.]
[BREATHING HEAVILY.]
Allen.
[GASPING.]
Okay.
It's okay.
- [GASPING LOUDLY.]
- Okay.
You're okay.
Okay? You're okay, all right? Where's Katrina? [DOORBELL CHIMES.]
[SIGHS.]
[SIGHS.]
Where's Allen? Is he all right? [SCOFFS.]
I had drinks with him.
And, yeah, he was gonna be a mark.
- To kill? - Fleece.
I've never killed anyone in my life.
But when I met Allen, something just clicked.
So I gave him the wrong number.
I didn't want him to get dragged into my mess.
But when that PI lady brought me back to Allen, I was honest with him.
At the diner, I laid it all out.
Who I was, warts and all.
And do you know what he said? I can't wait to hear.
"I believe you, and I want to save you.
" So we made a plan.
To get enough money to pay Megan off and get her out of my life our life.
Then why did she try to gift-wrap his face with a plastic bag? Because she's a psycho.
And she can't stand to see me with someone else.
I'm just marveling, just a bit, at the fact that this could be your best con yet.
Your partner's going to prison for attempted murder, and you slide off into the sunset with a very wealthy, very naive man.
It pains me physically to say this, but, uh, you had some good instincts on this one.
[SCOFFS.]
Did I? If you want to do this thing for real, do it right.
Put in the hours.
Get yourself a license.
[DOOR OPENS.]
[TELEPHONE RINGS IN DISTANCE.]
Can you explain that to me? [SIGHS.]
I mean, you you don't know what's going on in a relationship unless you're in it.
Even then, there's a lot of guesswork.
Amen.
Seems like you're in a bit of a situation yourself.
Yeah, that.
I-I don't mean to be nosy, but I am an unlicensed semi-professional.
Friend of mine was killed some years back.
His widow.
I help her when I can.
Yo, Hoffman.
Patrol's got a scene.
Fremont Bridge.
You coming? Gotta run.
Yeah.
Sure.
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACH.]
Hi.
Hi.
Are you okay? Hi, Millie! Hi! [SIGHS.]
I know this probably looks like it doesn't make much sense.
- No, it doesn't.
- [CHUCKLES.]
I hope you can find it, too.
[DOOR OPENS.]
GREY: You okay? - Fine.
- Thanks for the ride.
- Sure.
Pretty ballsy to call the guy you stood up for a ride home, but that's cool.
Just had to call someone I, um, trusted, you know? Well, you've known me 24 hours, so that checks out.
[SIGHS.]
I'm sorry.
I don't know what happened.
Well, maybe this connects it.
I asked you on a date, you said yes, and then you went on a bender.
But I don't know.
You know, I had it once, you know? With Benny.
Oh, yeah? Who's, uh, Benny? Benny and I were in high school together.
And, um, you know, I just I thought that he was, uh I thought that he was the one.
We were so young.
Well, it didn't work out, and I-I ran away and enlisted in the Marines, and he followed me.
And, uh And he's, uh He's gone now.
Did he get killed over there? Yeah.
Because of me, so Well, not 'cause of you.
[VOICE BREAKING.]
Yeah.
You know, I, um I do this.
I do this thing, and um You seem like a really nice guy, and this is this is nice, you know? I like But I-I can't cross the line because if I If I do, I mess it up.
I I kill everything.
Well, here's a crazy idea.
Um, what if we just don't cross the line again? Well, what does that make us, then, huh? I mean I think it makes us friends.
[SIGHS.]
Friends.
Guess we just dodged a bullet.
[CHUCKLES.]
I think I'm gonna go.
- You okay? - Yeah, I'm fine.
- You sure? - I'm good.
I'm starting you on that detox tomorrow, all right? Ugh.
Get out of my house.
[GIVERS' "COLLIDE" PLAYS.]
- All right.
- [GLASSES THUD.]
- Hey.
- Hey.
- You okay? - Me? Mm-hmm.
I think so.
Detox is over.
You closed the case.
Life's good, right? It is.
[SIGHS.]
Cheers.
Mm.
- Six years.
- Mm-hmm.
Any regrets? [SMACKS LIPS.]
No.
You? No.
I mean, look at us.
We never crossed the line.
- Dodged that bullet.
- Dodged that bullet.
You feel it collide with your night Well [CLEARS THROAT.]
let's get that retox going, huh? When you see it coming after you, don't hide - [SIRENS WAILING.]
- Can you feel it? - [RADIO CHATTER.]
- collide with your night Can you feel it? [CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS.]
And you feel it collide With your night When you see it coming after you, don't hide Can you feel it