Sweet Valley High (1994) s01e02 Episode Script
Oracle on Air
1 Ohh Ohh Look right down any crowded hall You see there's a beauty standing Is she really everywhere Or a reflection? One always calls out to you The other's shy and quiet Could there be two different girls Who look the same at Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High? Meet you at Sweet Valley High Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High Meet you at Sweet Valley High Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High Meet you at Sweet Valley High Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High Meet you at Sweet Valley High (bell rings) Really, Jess, you should find a better class of guy, someone like Todd.
He's dependable, trustworthy, loyal That's not a boyfriend.
That's a Boy Scout.
News show? What's the scoop, Mr.
Collins? The school's installing a new in-class video system.
As of next week, Oracle goes broadcast.
Cool.
Lame.
What a great opportunity.
I'm signing up now.
Hello.
Can I help you? You already have.
Russ Franklin.
I'm the video consultant for the news show.
Oh, you're working on this? Mm-hmm.
Jessica Wakefield, Sweet Valley's next news anchor.
Mind if I check out some of your equipment? Film major at Valley College, huh? Creative men really turn me on.
Must be a really tough program.
Yeah, it's murder.
We have to watch five movies a day.
They actually expect us to pay attention.
Brutal.
This is the nerve center of our operation.
From here I can hook in and put your face in every classroom in the school.
Really? Awesome.
You'd do that for me? Yeah, I would.
First you have to get your audition tape put together, and, uh, Mr.
Collins has final say.
Don't worry about the camera.
I normally only loan it out for a couple of days, but for you, you can keep it for as long as you want it.
Thanks.
Let me know if there's ever anything I can do for you.
Good luck on your audition tape.
I hope we'll be working together soon.
Count on it.
What are you gonna do for your audition tape, Liz? I'm not sure yet.
Something with substance.
Well, I don't know about you guys, but I want to be the director.
How hard can it be? I choreographed all our best cheers this year.
I'm sure I can handle a little news show.
Hello, future fans and news junkies.
Make room for Sweet Valley's new Barbara Walters.
Since when are you interested in journalism? Journalism? It's TV news.
Easy, Babs.
You have to research and write your own stories.
Details, details.
It's a small price to pay for having my face in every classroom.
Hey, Winston! What's up Patman? Now, why so suspicious? "Winston"? What happened to Egghead, Egg-breath, Eggbeater, Eggnog, Egg-brain? Egg salad? Good one.
Ha-ha! Winston, this thing between us is getting out of hand.
I play a trick on you, you try to get me back.
The anger we're building up here could scar us for life.
Here, let me get that.
Sit.
Now, as I was saying, I think we should try to live together peacefully.
You know, let bygones be bygones.
Have you suffered a severe trauma of the head recently, Bruce? What a kidder.
Right, Manny? Yeah.
Truce? (snorts) This is nice.
Hi, guys.
See ya.
Whoa, Eggman, she wants you.
You think? Yeah.
Go talk to her.
(fabric rips) What's the matter, Egghead? Butt too heavy? Aw, gee, empty.
Someone must've spilled glue all over the bench.
Tough break, Eggplant.
(laughs) I'll get you, Patman! Principal Cooper.
Egbert, stop that horseplay and get to class.
Can I quote you on that? Thank you, Mr.
Superintendent.
Elizabeth, you're here late.
Just doing some fact-checking for my audition tape.
Well, I know you'll do a great job.
You asked for it, Patman.
(hissing) (Manny) Hey, Bruce, wait up.
Want to get something to eat? (Bruce) Great idea.
So, why do you want to get involved with this Oracle show, anyway? I want to do the editorials, share my opinions.
I feel like owe it to these simpletons to tell them how to think.
Hey, you're the man.
Of course.
What about the audition tape? Done deal.
Made a call.
I'm bringing in the best director money can buy.
(coughs) Good morning, Sweet Valley High.
Today's top story 3, 2 I've got some news for you I am the one you need Missing school fund discovered.
After a recent probe into the school department's budget Go again.
OK, take 14! I've got the perfect story missing $5,000 fund I've got more babes than Hugh Hefner.
Cut! A director's dream.
Take 52.
This money will now be redirected to Sweet Valley High Activities Committee.
news for you And that's all the news you need to know.
Till next time, Sweet Valley.
So, what did you think? It's OK, I guess.
Let's see yours.
I'd better not.
I wouldn't want to show you up.
Since when? Trust me, Liz.
I'm just trying to spare your feelings here.
I want you to be able to sleep tonight.
(door opens/closes) (Bruce on tape) As if you didn't know, I'm Bruce Patman.
Talk about pompous.
Yeah, every news team needs a windbag.
Ah, Elizabeth's tape.
This should be good.
Hey, there.
Hello.
Hi I can't believe it.
I was counting on her.
I've got someone with real potential.
Jessica Wakefield.
Jessica Wakefield? Yeah.
I've been working with her.
She can carry the whole show.
I'll stake my reputation on it.
Good morning, Sweet Valley.
Today's top story Missing school fund discovered.
After a recent probe Now, there's our anchor.
Hi, Russ.
(boy) Out of the way.
Quit shoving! Editorial! Yes, the Patman does it again.
What's it feel like to be a loser, Egg-wad? There's no justice! Yes, I got anchor! Yes! I got the Fashion Forecast.
Taste finally arrives at Sweet Valley High.
(girl) I know.
She's gonna be great.
(boy) Oh, well (boy #2) OK So, Russ, looks like we'll be working some long hours together.
It'll be my pleasure.
Well, that's a start.
Jessica and Lila got on and I didn't? There must be some mistake.
Maybe you should talk to Mr.
Collins.
OK, news team, come get your story assignments.
Go on.
I will.
Go get your assignment.
I'll be fine.
You did an exceptional job, Jessica.
I was good, wasn't I? So, it looks like a tough assignment.
Maybe you could give me a hand.
Or maybe both hands.
OK, those who didn't get talent positions, there's room on the crew.
Talk to Patty.
I thought my tape was really great.
Elizabeth, some people like yourself excel at the written word.
Not everyone's meant to be an on-air personality.
There's still room on the crew.
Get it together! We've got a show to do here.
Enid, did you get that? (Todd) Man, Patty's really trippingon this director business.
(Patty) People, please! Are you feeling any better? Not really.
You're still The Oracle's star writer.
No one can ever take that away from you.
I wanted it so bad, Todd, and I thought my work was really great.
Well, what did Collins say? There's nothing he can do.
If you ask me, they should change the name from Oracle On-Air to Airheads On-Air.
Hey Present company excluded, of course.
Hi, Liz Todd.
Have you met Russ? Yes, I have.
Well, just wanted to say hi.
Don't forget to watch me tomorrow.
Is it wrong to hate your sister with a passion? In this case, I think it's required.
I'd better get home.
I feel a murder coming on.
Mm, college man.
Hi, I'm Lila.
Which Greek god are you? Lila, Russ and I are trying to talk here.
Russ, is it? (trills) Russ.
Sounds kind of like an animal, doesn't it? Your nose is shiny.
It is? It is not.
Is it? If you're lying Back in a flash.
Let's bail before she comes back and ruptures a hormone.
Bye.
Manny.
And I want a lot of closeups.
Hello? Winston? Are you in this time zone? Hmm? Oh, yeah.
Zooms, closeups, lots of energy Gotta go.
Bye.
Focus here, people, focus.
Remind me to talk to him about his attention span.
What? Here's a little present for you, trashman.
Whoa.
(revving engine) Aah! Principal Cooper? Can you believe these people don't separate their paper from plastic? Egbert, down, now.
Just doing my part to save the environment.
Liz, wake up.
You've got to help me with my stories.
Your stories? Don't tell me you didn't write them.
Of course I wrote them.
OK, so maybe I didn't write them.
Jess.
It's not my fault.
I didn't get in until 3:00.
We went to the movies.
All night? What did you see? I don't know.
Russ was in the way.
Anyway Liz, please.
Here's the pen.
I'm begging.
Why can't you do it? I have to put on my makeup.
You've got two hours.
I know.
It'll be tight, but I can just skip my bikini wax.
I'm sorry, Jess, but this is your assignment.
You'll have to do it yourself.
Oh, I get it.
You wanted this anchor job for yourself, and this is your way of getting back at me.
You'd let your own sister go down in flames just to satisfy your petty jealousy.
All right but this is the last time I bail you out.
You're the greatest.
Afterwards, I'll tell Collins you wrote the stories.
He'll see how good you are, he'll let you write all my stories.
Me in front of the camera and you behind.
We could be a team.
Good morning, Sweet Valley.
Today's top story Jessica.
Have you seen Elizabeth? Nope.
Ten minutes, people.
Jessica, I need to proof your copy.
Sorry, Mr.
C.
Liz is still Xeroxing it.
OK, looks good, Camera One.
Camera Two, zoom out.
Camera Two? Hello, Camera Two? What is that, Manny? Oh, sorry.
Elizabeth, where have you been? I need my stories! These are blank.
They are? Silly me.
I must have mixed up the stories I wrote with the ones you wrote.
Is there some kind of irony here? How can you stand there and pretend you don't know what I'm talking about? Practice? You knew how much I wanted to be anchor, and you switched the tapes just so you could get the job.
Or was it Russ you really wanted? 30 seconds! Where's Jessica? OK, OK.
I admit it.
I was dishonest, selfish and wrong.
Now, can I please just have my stories? Jessica, you're on now.
But the stories! No time to proof them.
I'll just have to trust you.
Now, go, all right? We're live, remember? 5, 4, 3, 2 Hello, I'm Jessica Fakewiel Wakefield with the Oracle On-Air News.
So, here we are our first live broadcast.
This doesn't look good.
Oh, the news.
Well, a lot has happened this week.
Bunches.
And now with details, my sister Elizabeth.
I should've known.
Go get 'em.
(Patty) Manny, pick up Liz as she comes in.
Thank you, Jessica.
Anytime.
Good morning, Sweet Valley.
Today's top story Missing school fund discovered after a recent probe into the school department budget We should talk.
Winston, it still says "Jessica.
" Type in a new card for Elizabeth.
You got it.
the superintendent of schools, this money will now be redirected to Sweet Valley High Activities Committee Great.
You're up next, Bruce.
(mutters) Bruce.
And that's all the news you need to know.
Till next time, Sweet Valley.
And now, with his unique take on Sweet Valley, Bruce Patman.
Thank you, Jess I mean, Elizabeth.
Where's his card? It's coming right up.
Hello, fellow Gladiators.
And as if you didn't know, I'm Bruce Patman, and this is the Patman perspective (giggling) I'm really sorry.
This has to be done.
What did Collins say? I have to talk to the principal.
Can't say you don't deserve it.
Hey, nice move back there.
You really got me.
Yeah, I did, didn't I? I'm impressed.
You're a nightmare.
But I say there's nothing wrong with having money.
(Patty) Winston! I love the way money feels.
I love the way money smells.
I love what money does for me.
I never go anywhere without my money.
I've got more money than money can buy.
It's the best thing in the world besides my Porsche.
Bruce, you were great today.
Those jokes running under your editorial were a howl.
Uh, jokes? Don't be so modest.
Money's the name of your gerbil? That's funny stuff.
(Winston) Gotcha, Patman.
Egbert.
Hey, Russ, now that I'm gonna have more free time, what do you say we spend it together? I'd say, "I don't think so, Jess.
" Well, what's the matter? Jessica, you made a fool out of yourself and you made a fool out of me.
You're just gonna have to excuse me.
Yeah, you don't call me.
I'll call you.
Film geek.
Hey, Rob, wait up.
Look right down any crowded hall You see there's a beauty standing Is she really everywhere Or a reflection? Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High Meet you at Sweet Valley High Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High Meet you at Sweet Valley High
He's dependable, trustworthy, loyal That's not a boyfriend.
That's a Boy Scout.
News show? What's the scoop, Mr.
Collins? The school's installing a new in-class video system.
As of next week, Oracle goes broadcast.
Cool.
Lame.
What a great opportunity.
I'm signing up now.
Hello.
Can I help you? You already have.
Russ Franklin.
I'm the video consultant for the news show.
Oh, you're working on this? Mm-hmm.
Jessica Wakefield, Sweet Valley's next news anchor.
Mind if I check out some of your equipment? Film major at Valley College, huh? Creative men really turn me on.
Must be a really tough program.
Yeah, it's murder.
We have to watch five movies a day.
They actually expect us to pay attention.
Brutal.
This is the nerve center of our operation.
From here I can hook in and put your face in every classroom in the school.
Really? Awesome.
You'd do that for me? Yeah, I would.
First you have to get your audition tape put together, and, uh, Mr.
Collins has final say.
Don't worry about the camera.
I normally only loan it out for a couple of days, but for you, you can keep it for as long as you want it.
Thanks.
Let me know if there's ever anything I can do for you.
Good luck on your audition tape.
I hope we'll be working together soon.
Count on it.
What are you gonna do for your audition tape, Liz? I'm not sure yet.
Something with substance.
Well, I don't know about you guys, but I want to be the director.
How hard can it be? I choreographed all our best cheers this year.
I'm sure I can handle a little news show.
Hello, future fans and news junkies.
Make room for Sweet Valley's new Barbara Walters.
Since when are you interested in journalism? Journalism? It's TV news.
Easy, Babs.
You have to research and write your own stories.
Details, details.
It's a small price to pay for having my face in every classroom.
Hey, Winston! What's up Patman? Now, why so suspicious? "Winston"? What happened to Egghead, Egg-breath, Eggbeater, Eggnog, Egg-brain? Egg salad? Good one.
Ha-ha! Winston, this thing between us is getting out of hand.
I play a trick on you, you try to get me back.
The anger we're building up here could scar us for life.
Here, let me get that.
Sit.
Now, as I was saying, I think we should try to live together peacefully.
You know, let bygones be bygones.
Have you suffered a severe trauma of the head recently, Bruce? What a kidder.
Right, Manny? Yeah.
Truce? (snorts) This is nice.
Hi, guys.
See ya.
Whoa, Eggman, she wants you.
You think? Yeah.
Go talk to her.
(fabric rips) What's the matter, Egghead? Butt too heavy? Aw, gee, empty.
Someone must've spilled glue all over the bench.
Tough break, Eggplant.
(laughs) I'll get you, Patman! Principal Cooper.
Egbert, stop that horseplay and get to class.
Can I quote you on that? Thank you, Mr.
Superintendent.
Elizabeth, you're here late.
Just doing some fact-checking for my audition tape.
Well, I know you'll do a great job.
You asked for it, Patman.
(hissing) (Manny) Hey, Bruce, wait up.
Want to get something to eat? (Bruce) Great idea.
So, why do you want to get involved with this Oracle show, anyway? I want to do the editorials, share my opinions.
I feel like owe it to these simpletons to tell them how to think.
Hey, you're the man.
Of course.
What about the audition tape? Done deal.
Made a call.
I'm bringing in the best director money can buy.
(coughs) Good morning, Sweet Valley High.
Today's top story 3, 2 I've got some news for you I am the one you need Missing school fund discovered.
After a recent probe into the school department's budget Go again.
OK, take 14! I've got the perfect story missing $5,000 fund I've got more babes than Hugh Hefner.
Cut! A director's dream.
Take 52.
This money will now be redirected to Sweet Valley High Activities Committee.
news for you And that's all the news you need to know.
Till next time, Sweet Valley.
So, what did you think? It's OK, I guess.
Let's see yours.
I'd better not.
I wouldn't want to show you up.
Since when? Trust me, Liz.
I'm just trying to spare your feelings here.
I want you to be able to sleep tonight.
(door opens/closes) (Bruce on tape) As if you didn't know, I'm Bruce Patman.
Talk about pompous.
Yeah, every news team needs a windbag.
Ah, Elizabeth's tape.
This should be good.
Hey, there.
Hello.
Hi I can't believe it.
I was counting on her.
I've got someone with real potential.
Jessica Wakefield.
Jessica Wakefield? Yeah.
I've been working with her.
She can carry the whole show.
I'll stake my reputation on it.
Good morning, Sweet Valley.
Today's top story Missing school fund discovered.
After a recent probe Now, there's our anchor.
Hi, Russ.
(boy) Out of the way.
Quit shoving! Editorial! Yes, the Patman does it again.
What's it feel like to be a loser, Egg-wad? There's no justice! Yes, I got anchor! Yes! I got the Fashion Forecast.
Taste finally arrives at Sweet Valley High.
(girl) I know.
She's gonna be great.
(boy) Oh, well (boy #2) OK So, Russ, looks like we'll be working some long hours together.
It'll be my pleasure.
Well, that's a start.
Jessica and Lila got on and I didn't? There must be some mistake.
Maybe you should talk to Mr.
Collins.
OK, news team, come get your story assignments.
Go on.
I will.
Go get your assignment.
I'll be fine.
You did an exceptional job, Jessica.
I was good, wasn't I? So, it looks like a tough assignment.
Maybe you could give me a hand.
Or maybe both hands.
OK, those who didn't get talent positions, there's room on the crew.
Talk to Patty.
I thought my tape was really great.
Elizabeth, some people like yourself excel at the written word.
Not everyone's meant to be an on-air personality.
There's still room on the crew.
Get it together! We've got a show to do here.
Enid, did you get that? (Todd) Man, Patty's really trippingon this director business.
(Patty) People, please! Are you feeling any better? Not really.
You're still The Oracle's star writer.
No one can ever take that away from you.
I wanted it so bad, Todd, and I thought my work was really great.
Well, what did Collins say? There's nothing he can do.
If you ask me, they should change the name from Oracle On-Air to Airheads On-Air.
Hey Present company excluded, of course.
Hi, Liz Todd.
Have you met Russ? Yes, I have.
Well, just wanted to say hi.
Don't forget to watch me tomorrow.
Is it wrong to hate your sister with a passion? In this case, I think it's required.
I'd better get home.
I feel a murder coming on.
Mm, college man.
Hi, I'm Lila.
Which Greek god are you? Lila, Russ and I are trying to talk here.
Russ, is it? (trills) Russ.
Sounds kind of like an animal, doesn't it? Your nose is shiny.
It is? It is not.
Is it? If you're lying Back in a flash.
Let's bail before she comes back and ruptures a hormone.
Bye.
Manny.
And I want a lot of closeups.
Hello? Winston? Are you in this time zone? Hmm? Oh, yeah.
Zooms, closeups, lots of energy Gotta go.
Bye.
Focus here, people, focus.
Remind me to talk to him about his attention span.
What? Here's a little present for you, trashman.
Whoa.
(revving engine) Aah! Principal Cooper? Can you believe these people don't separate their paper from plastic? Egbert, down, now.
Just doing my part to save the environment.
Liz, wake up.
You've got to help me with my stories.
Your stories? Don't tell me you didn't write them.
Of course I wrote them.
OK, so maybe I didn't write them.
Jess.
It's not my fault.
I didn't get in until 3:00.
We went to the movies.
All night? What did you see? I don't know.
Russ was in the way.
Anyway Liz, please.
Here's the pen.
I'm begging.
Why can't you do it? I have to put on my makeup.
You've got two hours.
I know.
It'll be tight, but I can just skip my bikini wax.
I'm sorry, Jess, but this is your assignment.
You'll have to do it yourself.
Oh, I get it.
You wanted this anchor job for yourself, and this is your way of getting back at me.
You'd let your own sister go down in flames just to satisfy your petty jealousy.
All right but this is the last time I bail you out.
You're the greatest.
Afterwards, I'll tell Collins you wrote the stories.
He'll see how good you are, he'll let you write all my stories.
Me in front of the camera and you behind.
We could be a team.
Good morning, Sweet Valley.
Today's top story Jessica.
Have you seen Elizabeth? Nope.
Ten minutes, people.
Jessica, I need to proof your copy.
Sorry, Mr.
C.
Liz is still Xeroxing it.
OK, looks good, Camera One.
Camera Two, zoom out.
Camera Two? Hello, Camera Two? What is that, Manny? Oh, sorry.
Elizabeth, where have you been? I need my stories! These are blank.
They are? Silly me.
I must have mixed up the stories I wrote with the ones you wrote.
Is there some kind of irony here? How can you stand there and pretend you don't know what I'm talking about? Practice? You knew how much I wanted to be anchor, and you switched the tapes just so you could get the job.
Or was it Russ you really wanted? 30 seconds! Where's Jessica? OK, OK.
I admit it.
I was dishonest, selfish and wrong.
Now, can I please just have my stories? Jessica, you're on now.
But the stories! No time to proof them.
I'll just have to trust you.
Now, go, all right? We're live, remember? 5, 4, 3, 2 Hello, I'm Jessica Fakewiel Wakefield with the Oracle On-Air News.
So, here we are our first live broadcast.
This doesn't look good.
Oh, the news.
Well, a lot has happened this week.
Bunches.
And now with details, my sister Elizabeth.
I should've known.
Go get 'em.
(Patty) Manny, pick up Liz as she comes in.
Thank you, Jessica.
Anytime.
Good morning, Sweet Valley.
Today's top story Missing school fund discovered after a recent probe into the school department budget We should talk.
Winston, it still says "Jessica.
" Type in a new card for Elizabeth.
You got it.
the superintendent of schools, this money will now be redirected to Sweet Valley High Activities Committee Great.
You're up next, Bruce.
(mutters) Bruce.
And that's all the news you need to know.
Till next time, Sweet Valley.
And now, with his unique take on Sweet Valley, Bruce Patman.
Thank you, Jess I mean, Elizabeth.
Where's his card? It's coming right up.
Hello, fellow Gladiators.
And as if you didn't know, I'm Bruce Patman, and this is the Patman perspective (giggling) I'm really sorry.
This has to be done.
What did Collins say? I have to talk to the principal.
Can't say you don't deserve it.
Hey, nice move back there.
You really got me.
Yeah, I did, didn't I? I'm impressed.
You're a nightmare.
But I say there's nothing wrong with having money.
(Patty) Winston! I love the way money feels.
I love the way money smells.
I love what money does for me.
I never go anywhere without my money.
I've got more money than money can buy.
It's the best thing in the world besides my Porsche.
Bruce, you were great today.
Those jokes running under your editorial were a howl.
Uh, jokes? Don't be so modest.
Money's the name of your gerbil? That's funny stuff.
(Winston) Gotcha, Patman.
Egbert.
Hey, Russ, now that I'm gonna have more free time, what do you say we spend it together? I'd say, "I don't think so, Jess.
" Well, what's the matter? Jessica, you made a fool out of yourself and you made a fool out of me.
You're just gonna have to excuse me.
Yeah, you don't call me.
I'll call you.
Film geek.
Hey, Rob, wait up.
Look right down any crowded hall You see there's a beauty standing Is she really everywhere Or a reflection? Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High Meet you at Sweet Valley High Sweet Valley Sweet Valley High Meet you at Sweet Valley High