Taxi (1978) s01e02 Episode Script

( theme music playing ) Okay, Luche, you got 212.
Perleman, you got cab 814.
Susman, you got Nine fifty-one.
And Zelinko, you got cab 636, and wash it! Come on.
Come on.
Let's get this garage moving here.
Latka.
It hurts me to see you not working.
It makes me want to press a nerve in your neck.
( speaking native language ) Says you.
Did you fix this cab? ( speaking native language ) It's all fixed? Let me take a look here.
I don't need that.
Everything works? ( speaking native language ) Whistle-clean? ( weak whistle ) So there's nothing more to do.
Ooh! Now you can put that back.
And you know why I did that, Latka? Because you are a terrible person.
Yes.
I'm telling you, Tony.
I booked $120.
Never.
Hey, man.
It's the truth.
Now, I was really hot tonight, and I booked $110.
Now, what can I tell you? The truth.
You know, I can't believe it.
I just can't believe the man's standing here telling me to my face that I can't book $100.
I mean, I just can't believe it.
Oh, man, you always lie about your bookings.
On whose life? On whose life should I swear that I booked $90, huh? On whose life? Hey, Bob, what'd you book? Eighty.
LOUIE: Hey, Rieger! Haul your sweaty carcass over here this second.
Did you detect mellowing? ( gravely voice ): All right, Louie.
I'm coming.
Hey, John, how you doing? Well, I'm trying to figure this out Look I'm going to have to let your buddy John go.
I thought I'd tell you first, 'cause he's your boy.
You brought him in, so I'm giving you the choice.
I can leave a note in his pay envelope saying "You're through, loser.
" That's the nice way.
Or I could simply Look, Louie, Louie.
All I ask is give him some time.
He'll get his bookings up.
No way.
Come on, Louie.
Be fair.
And start a precedent? All right, look.
You lose him, you lose me.
Got it? Whoo! A threat.
I heard a threat.
And I'm your best booker.
Ooh, a threat with an explanation.
Louie he goes, I go.
A threat that worked.
Banta, I got a phone message for you.
Yeah? What was it? You know the rules.
Give me a buck.
( mumbling ) Here's a dollar.
Your gym called.
Oh! What'd they say? That information will cost you another buck.
Here's another buck.
They didn't say nothing.
Well, if they're so unhappy with me, why haven't they let me go? John, that possibility has not been overlooked.
Gee, I didn't know it was that serious.
Alex, if I lose this job, I'll have to drop out of school All right, come on, come on, just relax.
Look, you're not that far from making it.
All you need is a little street savvy-- I mean, something that only experience can teach you.
All right, now look, the first thing you got to know Hey, you guys talking dirty? No.
Oh.
Alex is just teaching me some taxi tricks he's learned over the years.
Yeah, this might be good for you, too.
Come on, sit down.
Sure.
Now don't feel bad if you don't know this stuff.
This is ten years talking to you now.
Okay, now, first, your airports.
The best day to go to the airport is Sunday, because the traffic is light, and the wait is short.
There are also times you shouldn't go to the airport.
Now, not many people know this Hey, hey, hey you want a great tip? Here it is.
Never pick up a cripple.
Louie! That is the rottenest thing I ever heard.
You know, I'm not even going to bother to tell you why, but first of all, you don't call them "cripples.
" You call them "handicapped persons.
" You're right.
I'm embarrassed.
ELAINE: Okay.
Okay, John, forget what I said.
The people you should never pick up are handicapped persons.
The reason is, in the time it takes you to help one of them in and out of your cab, you could pick up maybe ten guys who could get in and out all by themselves.
So, no handicapped persons.
Cabs are only for people who can walk.
You have to forgive Louie.
He's himself today.
Hey, great news! I just called the gym.
They want me to spar with Carlos Navarone.
The champ? Oh, wow! Imagine, the champ hitting my face.
Wow, hey, this is real.
I've never seen anything like this before.
* Down in the valley * Where the green grass grows * * There sat Elaine, pretty as a * Hey, it was just a joke, you know.
I was just being silly.
Hey, come on.
Haven't you ever felt like being silly? Well, good luck on your career.
( conversing quietly ) I don't know, I still think we went a little bit overboard with the present.
I mean, uh, what's the big deal here? It's a big deal to Tony.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I guess.
I Well, at least it was smart getting him a robe, huh? He can wear it when he's fighting and when he's convalescing.
Hey, here's our man now.
Hey, Tony! Tony! Tony! Hey, Tony! Gee, it's great to see you guys.
Uh, listen, Tony, we got you something to commemorate the occasion.
It's from everybody down at the garage except for, uh, Louie, Vince, Charlie, and Ed.
They refused to cough up.
( giggling ) Aw, man.
My name, too! Oh, it's okay.
You know, I was going to put, like, "Killer Banta," "Tiger Banta" No, no, I found it's best not to wear a robe that makes your opponent crazy.
Well, come on, try it on.
Yeah.
I'll help you.
Ooh, ooh.
Ooh, turn around.
Beautiful! Beautiful.
Oh, man.
BOBBY: Feels good, huh? You know, I never had a robe before, of my own.
I'd go in with just a towel wrapped around my neck.
Once, the announcer said: "In this corner, Holiday Inn.
" I guess what I'm trying to say is thanks.
Aw, well.
Mr.
Banta.
Here.
Oh Jerry Martin.
Oh, sure, I read about you in the papers, Mr.
Martin.
Hey, this is the champ's manager and these are my friends.
Elaine Nardo.
Hi, How do you do? Jerry Martin.
And Alex Rieger.
Hi.
Jerry Martin.
And Bobby Wheeler.
Jerry Martin.
Hi.
How you doing, man? Look, what's your name, son? Anthony Mark Banta.
I see.
And, uh, what do your friends call you, son? Tony.
What would you like me to call you, son? I like "son.
" Well, you'll be going next and today, we're using the 16-ounce glove.
Let me help you with those.
You'll be going three rounds with Carlos and I'd like you to concentrate, if you will, on the body.
We're trying to toughen the midsection.
That's fine, but I think I better warn you.
I've got a pretty good left hand.
Do you? Well, you know, I just didn't want to surprise him with it.
I'm going to let him know.
I still can't believe it.
Me in the same ring with Carlos Navarone.
His last fight, I couldn't get in the same stadium.
Hey, what about your headgear? Hey, man, I'm a pro.
I've fought dozens of times.
You know, what do I need to, uh We all wear them.
JERRY: Son! Son! He's calling you over there.
Son! Oh, yeah, Jerry.
Okay, see you.
Yeah.
Go ahead, Tony.
Have a good time, huh? Now listen, I want to see you really work on the inside.
Keep banging away at that midsection.
Remember, we got less than a week, so let's really pull out the stops.
( bell rings ) Hey, Alex, could you help me with this robe? Oh, yeah.
Go! No.
Not yet.
ELAINE: Wait a minute.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Try it from the gloves.
Try it from right Let me do it! I told you to get big sleeves.
All the ones with big sleeves had Japanese paintings on them.
Excuse me, can I try something? ( fabric ripping ) Oh This is humiliating.
JERRY: Okay, get going.
Okay.
( bell rings ) ELAINE: Come on, Tony.
You look good.
ALEX: Hit another left.
Come on, Tony! All right! Come on, baby.
Come on, baby.
Come on, Tony.
( whooping ) ALEX: Come on! Inside! Inside! Inside! Inside! No, oh-oh! ( whooping ) He looks pretty good in there, huh? Yeah! Almost not embarrassing.
Hey, you know, I bet you it's like who you're in there with, you know? I mean, like, like, when I act with a real pro, I get better.
Yeah, it's the same with tennis.
When I play with an "A" player, I get better.
Yeah, it's the same with sex.
You get better? They do.
All right, son.
Go for the body.
The body.
ALEX: Did you see that? He knocked him down! Champ, I'm sorry I hit you so hard.
It's all right, kid.
Forget it.
( whooping ) ( singing in native language ) ( singing continues ) Latka! Cheer down.
Louie Louie What? Got tell you something.
What? I in love.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Louie! Louie! What? Meet girl then we go out then Wait.
Dining Eh dancing Then go my place then Wait.
Word not here.
I get the picture.
And that's not love.
That's lust.
No love? No love.
Better.
I'm teaching you good.
Always remember, lust is better than love.
Okay.
Thank you very much.
Okay.
Hey, Latka, how's it going? I in lust.
What else is new? ( clearing throat ) Ooh, Nardo! You had a good night.
I had you pegged for a washout.
So sorry to disappoint you.
I don't know what's going on.
Women cabbies booking a lot.
A bum fighter gets a fight with a major contender just because he gets in one lucky punch.
The world's gone crazy.
I think it's the spray cans.
Here he is, ladies and gentlemen: pound for pound, the greatest fighter I know personally-- Tony "One Punch" Banta! ( all cheering ) ( all singing Rocky theme ) All right, All right.
No dancing in the garage.
Hey, how you feel, Tony? Oh, I feel great.
Man, this is the biggest week of my life.
( whooping ) You know what I'm going to do? What? Buy a new cup.
You sure know how to celebrate.
Hey, Tony, this Frankie Wallace-- I hear he's pretty good.
You know how good he is? I looked up his record.
And? He's so good you can look up his record.
You know, Ring Magazine's got him eighth in the world.
I'm not even eighth in the gym.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, who got the big fight? Me.
Who's getting paid 1,500 bucks? Me.
Who floored the champ? Me.
Well? I got a shot.
( all cheering ) Baloney.
Once a bum, always a bum.
Oh, yeah? Yeah? I say Tony's got a good chance.
I know he's got a good chance.
I say he can win.
Want to bet? Well, uh ( laughing ) ( laughing ) All right, I'll bet.
How much? Five dollars.
Whoo, Mr.
Big Booker bets five whole dollars on his friend who he's sure is going to win.
All right, all right, a hundred bucks.
Money in the bank.
I hope you're going to be at the fight, Louie.
I'd like to collect on the spot.
You're going to give up a Friday night-- the busiest night of the week-- to go watch the macaroni pony fight? Yeah, and you know what? Everybody from the garage is going to be there.
You think for friendship they're going to do that? Not where the old pocketbook's involved.
Tomorrow night, I'll be up to my ears in drivers as per usual.
All right, Belson, I know you're hiding.
Come on out, Cohen.
Let's hit the streets.
All right, Beniquez, in the cab.
Let's go.
Nobody.
I was sure someone would show.
Latka! Is anybody here? Is anybody here? Nobody's here.
Nobody's here.
* From this moment on * You and I, babe * We'll be riding high, babe * Every care is gone Come on, take it home now! * From this Hip, hip, hip! * Moment on.
Yeah! Always wanted to do that.
You know, Alex, I still can't believe I'm here.
Ever since I'm 14, not a day goes by I don't spend three hours in the gym.
Yeah? I thought I'd win the Golden Gloves.
Yeah? I didn't.
I thought I'd win the Olympics.
I didn't.
I didn't even see the Olympics.
My set blew out.
You ever try to listen to the Olympics on the radio? Ah, but it doesn't matter.
It's all okay, 'cause it got me here today.
Hey, how did it happen? I guess it's destiny, huh? Well, personally, I think it's my management.
Boy, this is a bigger fight than I thought.
The Bee Gees are singing the National Anthem.
No kidding? Oh, you son of a gun.
Isn't he something? You win this fight, you're never going to have to drive a cab again.
You're gonna be the first one to make it out of the garage.
Aw, I can't be the first one.
Paulie made it.
I'm not sure that shingling houses with your father-in-law counts for making it.
Get ready, Banta.
There's a guy in there bleeding like a pig.
I think they're going to stop it.
You know, I like the theater better.
They just say "five minutes.
" Hey, uh good luck.
Thanks, Bob.
It's okay, Tone.
Hey, Champ, you came.
Yeah, I just wanted to wish you good luck.
Oh, thanks.
Hey, Mr.
Martin, how are you? How you doing? CARLOS: I see you still got that great robe.
Oh, yeah.
Those are nice vents you got there.
Hey, hey, and don't worry about your title.
I won't be ready for a couple years yet, but when I am, look out.
Right, and, uh, hey, listen, thanks.
For what? You know, that little trick in the gym.
What do you mean? Hey, didn't he know? I guess it's okay to tell him now.
It's real simple, kid.
We were taking in less money than we should because Carlos is considered unbeatable.
So having him sit down when you punched him during the sparring match helped us out.
Hey, run that by me again.
You didn't knock down the champ.
I don't believe you.
I hit you good.
You're just trying to cover up with some crummy story 'cause you don't like being knocked down by somebody with no record.
Yeah, I think we made a mistake.
I don't believe it! I hit you good! With what? A left hook to the body.
I'll show you.
Hit me.
If I hit you, you'll go down like you did in the gym.
Come on, hit me.
You keep it up, and I will.
You're sure you don't mind? ( grunting ) Man, what a dirty trick, building me up like that.
Man, I'm going to teach this guy a lesson.
You only get one for free.
No, Tony, Tony, Tony.
Now, Mr.
Navarone, you have no idea how frightened I am right now.
Hey, Tony, I can't even hold him.
Look, now, why don't you just laugh this off, huh? Let him go! I'll let him go.
Go ahead.
You crazy, Tony? Yeah! Okay, Banta, your turn to fight.
What's wrong with him? Hey, don't you know enough not to interrupt a man at prayer? Hey, you all right? Hey, would you give me a hand with him? Sure.
You think you'll be able to go ahead with the fight? I think I'll be all right if I could just stay away from him for the first couple of rounds.
Yeah.
Hey, but don't say anything.
Oh, no, I won't.
Hey, who are you, anyway? Your opponent.
Nice to meet you.
What's your name? Tony Banta.
How many fingers am I holding up? Stick to the easy ones.
I came late.
What happened? I lost.
I know.
I saw every minute.
Here's your Ah, come on, are you kidding? I was rooting for him myself.
Come on, I lost, I want to pay up.
Come on, are you kidding? We're from the same garage.
This is the last time I'm going to offer you.
Gimme.
Well, maybe I won't be the first guy to make it out of the garage but I'm going to make it.
I'm going to get a rematch with this guy and I'm going to be right back here fighting.
And I'm going to be right back here managing you.
And I'm going to be here rooting for you.
And I'm going to be here.
And I'm going to be here.
And I'm going to be here-- making a fortune.
( theme music playing ) WOMAN: Night, Mr.
Walters.
( grunts )