Teenage Bounty Hunters (2020) s01e02 Episode Script
What's a Jennings
[dramatic music]
[breathing deeply]
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Right here.
Clear!
[groans] You're still doing it wrong.
You have to go into the room,
look around, see if it's clear,
and then yell, "Clear!"
-I did that.
-No, you didn't.
You just didn't see.
I'm a speed reader. My eyes work fast.
Also, I know that it's going to be hard
for you to pull this off,
but you have to at least pretend
like you're going to be intimidating.
You don't seem like you're
going to use deadly force at all.
Uh, my gun's better than your gun.
Olive Bear isn't a gun.
She's nunchucks. Okay?
Watch me. Mm.
Not clear!
I told you I'd smoke you out.
You're going to jail, buddy.
That is no fair. You didn't tell me
the skip was under there.
I decided in the moment.
Your room is such a mess,
there could be skips everywhere.
Also bedbugs.
Why does my clock say it's 9:48?
That can't be right.
That would mean that
church starts in twelve minutes.
Mom and Dad are gonna kill us.
I have to shower!
[horn honks]
[tires screech]
If we don’t survive this,
I want you to know
that I’ve cherished our time together.
Same. I love you!
-Stop it!
-I won't.
And I'm sorry that I lost
your Bratz doll on that roller coaster.
When we reached the loop, my hands let go!
[theme music]
[vocalizing]
[folksy guitar music]
[man] I'm on my knees ♪
For the throne ♪
And I'm struck by your love ♪
[whispering] You're late.
[both] Sorry.
Oh, I'm struck by your love ♪
I'm on my knees ♪
I'm on my knees ♪
I'm on my knees ♪
Mmm ♪
[song ends]
What a wonderful ministry of song.
Thank you, brothers and sisters.
Beloved!
Before I begin,
today's sermon is a bit adult-themed.
So, if you would like to avoid
some uncomfortable questions at brunch,
please send your little ones off
to visit with the Youth pastor.
Now, y'all see me up here every Sunday,
so you know I like to talk.
[light laughter]
Something you may not know about me
is that most nights I like to go home,
watch Wheel of Fortune
and have sex.
-[light gasps and chuckling]
-I know. I know.
Hard word to hear
in the house of the Lord,
but why? Why?
I am a Christian man
with love in my heart,
and I am married
to this beautiful creature.
Beloved, sex is a gift from God.
So, I say to my married
brothers and sisters out there,
take time to celebrate this gift
and do God's will.
In fact, I'm gonna issue you a challenge.
Every single day this week,
I want y'all married folks to have sex.
[light laughter]
Oh, I know,
you're going to be tired from work.
-You're already doing the challenge.
-Shh.
What? He knows you've had sex.
He probably watched, too.
He sees everything.
It's so weird that nobody's
at the Stevens' pew.
I know, right?
They're besmirched by scandal,
but they're not dead.
Do you think anyone knows what happened?
Mm-mm.
[man] I hope his wife
and kids forgive him,
but it's hard coming back
from beating up a one-legged hooker.
She was a "leggy" hooker, Vernon.
Yeah, but it-- it-- it's just awful,
but we shouldn't rush to judgment.
It is easy for people to lose their way.
Amen.
Do you think
Do you think God's mad that
we're doing the challenge?
No. No, he knows that we're
going to get married.
One day.
We're just being good students
and getting an early start.
Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
[chuckles]
You know, I miss you already.
I wish we could FaceTime when we sleep.
-We can!
-Mm-hm.
All right, I'll FaceTime you later.
-Okay.
-Okay.
So, what did y'all think of the sermon?
Seems pretty clear.
Have sex if you're married
and only if you're married.
-Right.
-Yeah, then we got it.
-We got it.
-Got it.
Good. It gives you all something
to look forward to.
-Yeah.
-Being married and all.
That's right.
[both chuckle]
-Okay, bye!
-Ew.
-Wait, where are you going?
-To work.
You have two gainfully employed
daughters now, remember?
Yeah, we could be out running wild
in the streets,
but instead,
we're stimulating the local economy.
Good.
Y'all can pay me back this week.
For the truck.
Yeah.
-Wow. He's really holding a grudge.
-Yeah, like, let it go.
You know, a week is a long time if you
think about it.
What, you didn't get a clear enough visual
of Mom and Dad making love?
-You want to talk about it some more?
- I can't help it.
I've got peen on the brain.
I thought it would have happened
for me and Jennings by now,
but you beat me to the punch
and Pastor Booth is waving it in my face.
Bowser, when was the last time
you stuck a fork in a pork bun?
Not this, not with you.
Okay, so recently.
-No!
-So a while then? That's not good.
Would you please just leave me out of
whatever the hell it is
you're yakking about?
She's upset because she hasn't
sealed the deal with Jennings yet.
What's a Jennings?
My freaking boyfriend, Bowser.
Yeah, but she isn't considering
is the fact the people around her
having sex are in love.
Wait, what?
Well, Luke, and I
didn't even think of doing it
until we professed
our love for each other.
And after that, it was kind of game on.
Right. Of course.
I just need a little intimacy
to grease the wheels.
If it happened for you,
it'll definitely happen for me.
Obviously.
So, how do we fall in love
as fast as humanly possible?
Uh
[sighs] Anyway,
my bondswoman is coming over.
-What's that?
-A bondswoman is someone who puts up bail,
-AKA, a bond, for criminals.
-Oh.
If they miss their court date,
she calls us,
we catch the skip, everybody gets paid.
Seems like we're doing her dirty work,
but go on.
What we need to do now
is get our story straight
about who you are.
Okay? Now I'm thinking
maybe you're my interns,
and the reason you look so young
is because your mama
smoked when she was pregnant.
Hard no. Not even in a lie.
Cigarettes are bad.
Yeah, they'll kill you. We're not kidding.
Let's say that we look really young
because we stayed out of the sun.
Yeah.
Ooh, and maybe we're former gymnasts.
As long as my thing can be balance beam.
Yeah, of course!
I'm more of a vaulter anyway.
So after the Olympic trials,
they studied criminal justice
in hopes of being licensed one day
as bounty hunters in the
wonderful state of Georgia.
If we ever infiltrate a Brownie troop,
I suppose you'll be useful.
How'd you meet Bowser?
Uh, same way you did, probably.
[Blair] Yes, totally the same way.
[chuckles]
[all laugh]
What?
-Mr. Bowser and I--
-Worked together. In a club.
-[woman] And then--
-Became friends.
Bumped uglies until he married
my straight-up crazy sister.
-[gasps]
-Wh? Plot twist. You're married?
Was.
Mm-hm.
Chose the wrong door on that game show.
So work?
[woman]
Kenneth Chu. Twenty-seven years old,
facing two counts of counterfeiting.
No known social media activity,
but we do have an address that he used
to send himself stuff from Amazon.
Spry toothpaste, pool float.
Sounds like a freak.
Which brings me to our undercover work.
Above
I have a finger wave,
a stacked bob
or, ooh--
A little red pixie that can go either
street teen, dog lover-- woof--
or lost Russian tourist.
[with accent] "Hello, where is the Marta?"
Okay, Carmen Sandiego,
we're not detectives or spies.
Go on and put away your little drag bag.
What? No, I want the good stuff,
like kicking down doors and shit,
like Terrance Coin.
[dramatic music]
So, the skip's inside.
Apparently, he's a big bitch.
Luckily, I eat big bitch for breakfast.
-[slurping sound]
-Let's go.
[faint chatter]
Let's rope that skip.
["Down With the Sickness" playing]
Get up
Come on get down with the sickness ♪
Get up
Come on get down with the sickness ♪
Get up
Come on get down with the sickness ♪
[exhales deeply]
Night-night.
He's a punk and a clown.
And that catchphrase?
You're jealous because he has
15,000 subscribers
and your mama won't even
like your Instagram posts.
My mama hates sunsets!
Listen to me,
maybe one time out of a hundred,
you gotta trust your gut
and kick in a door.
-Yeah.
-[Bowser] No.
For the most part,
bounty hunting is a slow, steady race.
And I'm hard.
Then sit out this case.
[both] No!
[Bowser] Yes!
As my interns, it is your job to learn.
You can ride along with me,
ask me questions,
but don't touch my radio.
-And no snacks in the car.
-But--
You can chew gum,
but only if you save your wrapper to spit.
For the record, I smashed him
when he was fun.
You were fun?
[Blair] Okay, I found this article
in the failing New York Times
called, "Thirty-six Questions
That Lead to Love."
-[music playing]
-Sweet.
Why?
If you answer the questions
with your partner,
you gain intimacy.
And then, like, we get to do it.
And then we get to fall in love.
Then we get to do it.
Blair, have I ever told you
you're the coolest girl in school?
No, you are.
Okay, um
First question.
What would constitute
a perfect day for you?
Being with you.
Same.
Oh, my God, it's working.
I like you so much.
[gasps] Mm.
-[Blair] We almost did it.
-[Sterling] But you didn't?
We kissed for a really long time
and then the bell rang.
But his thing was, like,
throbbing on my hip.
It had a heartbeat.
Hey! Would y'all shut up?
Jesus. What the hell?
Sorry, ma'am. Yes, teenagers.
Um, listen, I'd like to just come by
as a general guest.
-You're basically there.
-Yeah, I know.
-[Blair squeals]
-Okay.
No, I got it.
Thank you.
For nothing.
All right, so this is the last address
Kenneth Chu used.
-An old home?
-Mm-hm.
It's not a residence,
so we don't have legal grounds to enter.
And the home won't
allow unregistered guests,
so we can't even go in and poke around.
[Blair] That's okay.
Sterling and I can create a diversion
while you sneak in.
She can Irish step dance.
I'm not above flashing.
I'm thinking of something
that won't get us arrested.
Bounty hunters can get arrested?
Yes.
Now listen to me.
As my interns,
I'm gonna give you an assignment.
This is the bounty hunting equivalent
of you getting me coffee.
-You ready?
-Yeah.
For you to take time out of your studies
to come read scripture to our folks,
that just warms my heart.
Come on, right this way.
-[chatter]
-[music playing]
Hm. It doesn't smell as old
as I thought it would.
Hi mister, are you lost?
[grumbles]
You're welcome.
Here you go.
Um No, thank you.
But old people love coffee.
I don't drink on the job.
Okay? It makes me want
to go to the bathroom.
You don't drink water?
No. I can self-hydrate.
I'm doing it now.
Mm.
Thank you.
So the receptionist confirmed
that there is no Kenneth Chu here.
But there is a Linda Chu.
Shall we go read the Word of God to her?
Don't say it like that, all sarcastic.
I wasn't being sarcastic.
[woman] My grandson sends stuff here?
What is it? Porn? Drugs?
According to our sources,
it was Spry toothpaste and a pool float.
What do those items mean to you?
[stammers] Ma'am, when was the last time
you spoke to him?
I haven't seen him in a year.
Do you know anyone who's kept in touch
with your grandson?
Tookie doesn't have any friends.
All he cares about is money.
I wish he'd send some my way
-so I could upgrade from this dump.
-[groans]
The Nixon Wing is the crappiest one
in this place.
I mean the Reagan Wing, the Truman,
that's where it's at.
Anything but the Lincoln Wing.
That's where they move you
when you're about to
complete your final act
Like Miguel there.
Eh, I love you, too.
Asshole.
Okay. Well, thank you very much.
Oh, and they skimp on our toilets too.
-[groans] She was a yapper.
-Yeah.
Although I get where she's coming from.
I know faux granite when I see it.
Yeah, Kenneth Chu
must have a lifeline out there.
Yeah, but how do we find out who that is
if he doesn't have
a single social media account?
Also, how can you not have a single
social media account?
-Tookie!
-[Bowser] What's a tookie?
She called him, "Tookie."
What?
-[tapping on cell phone]
-[gasps]
Okay, can we just take a second
to acknowledge how smart I am?
I mean, I really should be
doing better in school.
Uh-huh. So, he does have a life.
And it looks like this Melissa
is his piece.
You shouldn't talk about women like that.
She's wearing a scrunchie as a shirt.
But okay, she's the love of his life.
She works at a salon in East Lake.
Wait.
Should we do a stakeout? Please.
-Oh.
-Pretty please, can we do a stakeout?
Okay, Okay,
I'll find out when her shift is,
but this is not a 007
sexy recon mission, nuh-uh.
No. No. No.
This is gonna be you guys,
without your phones,
doing exactly as I tell you.
Do you understand?
[with accent]
Yes, Sire. Your wish is my wish.
Okay, that was not Russian.
That sounded like Chinese up in there.
What is happening here?
So that's the thing about Ephesians.
It says there should not be
even a hint of sexual immorality
or any kind of impurity.
Or of greed.
So, if any of you are coveting things
then let's talk about that.
[quiet chatter]
I-- I took my brother's bandana.
Which I guess is stealing, not coveting.
Oh.
Uh, Veronica Lopez debuted
a new spiral notebook
and for a second,
I wished that I had bought it first.
Oh, well, the fact that you're,
uh, talking about it
proves that you've already repented.
So, thank you Hannah B.
Mm, and thank you Sterling W.
Let's give her a hand, guys.
This was a great way to start Fellowship.
Oh, we're gonna have
so much fun this year!
Yeah.
And you know what? I was thinking
you should totally just
use my parking space.
Yes, because I'm scootering these days,
so the curb is fine by me.
Yes, I am. I'm scootering, guys.
Scootering, that's pretty cool, isn't it?
Uh, thank you, but I don't
need any special treatment.
I'm here to minister.
So beloved, let's end with a prayer.
Yes.
Okay.
[breathes deeply]
Dear Lord, please guide us
as we start our journey in Fellowship.
Awaken us, especially our
brothers and sisters in need,
like April,
no matter when she comes back,
if at all ever.
Bless her wherever the winds may take her.
[April] Touching.
-[gasps]
-[Sterling] April!
I guess those ble-- blessed winds
brought you back.
What are you doing here?
I had a stomach bug,
which is why I must look
thinner than usual.
-Yeah, I see it.
-Turn to the side, and you're gone.
And I heard there was weird talk
about my dad,
but he left for a long work trip to Tokyo,
so I don't know
where that was coming from.
Why is she back?
Okay, I know you're panicking,
but there's a bright side.
-Which is?
-She's lying.
-So?
-So?
She doesn't know we turned her dad in.
-Oh.
-See?
So, we just the same everyone else
-and play dumb?
-Absolutely.
Okay. Yeah, I can do that.
The weather in Asia's
supposed to be really great.
[school bell rings]
Be cool.
-[students chattering]
-Okay.
[whispering] Great job.
Oh, thank you.
I'm really glad that you're
feeling better, April.
Don't pretend like you care.
There's not a genuine bone in your body.
Unless you're counting Luke's.
Are you preserving that?
I'm not gonna let this thing roll around
in my bag and riddle it with herpes.
What do you want?
What I've always wanted. Your position.
So, resign as Fellowship Leader by Friday,
or this puppy goes wide.
Girls, goodnight.
We are gonna turn in early.
-Chloe's gonna stay with y'all tonight.
-Why? She likes your bed.
Oh, well, we don't want her
watching us sleep.
[Debbie] Right, because we're turning in
early to rest and dream.
[Debbie and Anderson chuckle]
Okay. Goodnight.
They are obviously going to bang.
Gross!
At least we saved your eyeballs
from catching on fire. Yes, we did.
[whimpers]
What is wrong?
I'm quitting Fellowship.
Stop. We've been through this.
Yeah, well, maybe I decided that it's
not worth the fight.
April will be a fine leader.
Are you kidding me?
She'll make it all about herself.
She doesn't care about Christianity.
Well, apparently she cares more than I do
because she's willing to spread
a rumor about me.
I mean, it's not a rumor, but still.
No A rumor.
That's all it is.
[people shouting]
Hey, did y'all hear what happened
in Fellowship yesterday?
Someone dropped a condom wrapper.
[girls gasp]
[cell phone bleeps]
-Oh.
-[cell phone bleeps]
No, Veronica, I heard it was a used condom
and that it was found in Band.
Or was it Drama?
Hey, Tiffany
[chattering]
[cell phones bleep and chime]
Should we say it's mine?
I mean, it sounds like something I'd do.
[cell phones continue bleeping
and chiming]
What's going on?
You haven't heard?
Tammy DeWitt found a love glove
in Woodshop!
No, it was Horny Lorna in Gym
and it wasn't just one. It was a box.
This is the weirdest game of Clue ever.
I don't understand.
Ooh, what is your
greatest accomplishment in life?
Well, I do have the most kills out of all
my friends on Fortnite.
What about you?
Being a completely original person.
Okay, "What would you like
to be famous for?
Rapping, for sure.
Check it.
Young Jennings
Cash pending, sale pending ♪
Mind-bendin' ♪
Something like that, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
You?
Um
TBD, but something that completely changes
the course of humankind.
You know what? These are too broad. Um
Oh, here's a good one.
"How is your relationship
with your mother?"
My mom's, like, my soulmate, you know?
She's, like, my rock.
[breathes deeply]
[sniffs]
What about you? [chuckles]
Yeah, um
she's more like a boulder
than a-- a rock,
but same.
Make ou t.
Please. Yeah.
How much longer do we have to
watch this woman frost bangs?
I can only take so much.
Shift was supposed to be over an hour ago.
Maybe she got pulled into a double.
[breathing deeply]
[whispering] What's wrong with you?
Oh, that?
I, uh drank a smoothie earlier.
Didn't know it had liquid in it.
You know you can go to the bathroom
like a normal person?
-There's a gas station down the street.
-No.
-Bowser, it's really bad for your body--
-I'm fine.
Please,
just talk amongst yourselves, will ya?
What does it mean
when you kiss with your eyes open?
Okay, I'm out.
I'll be back in ten.
Seriously, what do you think it means?
Do you kiss Luke like that?
I'm sure I have.
Um
-I haven't.
-Shit!
Jennings is the only guy at school
that could even remotely get me.
What if we're not falling in love?
You are.
Well, it's not happening quick enough.
I'm literally dying of horniness.
I'm going in.
What? No! We don't even know what to ask.
"Where is Kenneth Chu?"
Sounds clear to me.
[music playing]
Hey there. Do you have time for a wax?
Sure. Lip?
Brow.
Really?
Ow.
Getting ready for a date.
My boyfriend's taking me out
for American food.
Ow.
He says I'm lucky to have him
even buy me a potato skin.
You tell him to go suck a butt.
No man should ever talk to you like that.
[sighs]
Um, he's so controlling,
but it's probably
just because he loves me, right?
No, that kind of love is a lie.
Are you in love?
Ish.
My dude does all this shady shit
and says it's for me and our future.
Although I want to believe it,
I know it's a lie, too.
Yeah, where does he get off
telling you that?
Literally, where does he live
to have learned such a thing?
-What?
-I mean, his values are awful.
What neighborhood does that come from?
Druid Hills? Decatur?
What's his address?
Ow!
You know what?
I left something in the back.
Give me one sec.
Okay.
[gasps]
Oh, shit! I blew it.
Shit! Shit! Shit.
According to her mother,
Melissa has fled
to her uncle's in North Carolina,
with Kenneth presumably riding shotgun.
-Does that mean that she's involved?
-It doesn't matter.
He's the skip.
The only way I get paid
is if I bring him in.
I'm sorry, dude,
but I was trying to help.
No! You were in such a goddamn rush
to kick down doors that you
anti-helped.
You hindered!
So, do you think it's going
to slow down our paycheck?
What about this don't you understand?
Hm? If I don't get paid,
you don't get paid.
But our parents have been asking about
the money and--
Oh. Well, you tell your parents
that you messed up at work, huh?
That wouldn't be a lie.
Cathy, do with them what you wish.
Have you met the fudge pump?
So, I guess if I could wake up tomorrow
with, like, one special ability,
it would be
to see through things, you know?
Mm-hm.
Look, Jennings--
We're not in love.
No.
I felt it or-- or I didn't,
but I really wanted to.
Yeah.
It's like this one time
I was in Drama class
and I was supposed to
laugh at the end of the scene,
but I got so excited
that I laughed through all of the scene
and I got an F.
I feel you.
I messed up my boss' project at work,
but it was only because
I really wanted to finish it.
Of course, you've got passion.
And you've got instincts.
Hey, screw Mr. Pearl for failing you.
Laughing through a scene
can definitely be an arc.
I've just, like, never been able to share
this stuff with a girl before.
Me either.
With a boy.
That's why I feel comfortable
just being, like
"I don't like you."
Really? 'Cause, um I hate you.
Your answers were strange.
Yours were stupid.
You have deeply rooted issues
with your mom.
And you're going to bone yours one day.
So, we're breaking up, right?
It already happened, babe.
I should never have underestimated
her fortitude.
In third grade, she held a burp
all through Easter worship.
What do you mean her "fortitude"?
Oh.
Like, the rumor mill
completely passed her by,
even though every other
person got hit with shrapnel.
Yeah. The last one I heard
was that we found the condom and used it.
[chuckling]
I mean, can you even imagine?
I'd rather not, so
[Hannah B] Well, maybe Sterling is lucky.
Some people in the world just are.
I don't believe in luck.
Need some help?
I miss the days of just "trash."
Right?
There's a bin for everything now.
Paper, glass
Latex.
Then again,
without some rules and structure
guiding principles
it'd be anarchy.
Are we, um
Are we still talking about trash?
I know you and Sterling have strayed.
And that might be fine
for heathens and Yankees,
but she's head of fellowship
and you're captain of the golf team.
If you two aren't walking the walk,
how can you expect anyone else to?
I don't know what-- What are you--
I don't know what you're ta--
I know. I know.
Let me explain.
Unbelievable.
Thank you. I did a sheet mask.
You threatened Luke.
No, I exploited the weak spot.
Like we're taught in Forensics.
We aren't playing for trophies here.
Luke is a person.
A sweet, sensitive person.
He can't handle the pressure.
Which is why
I'll spare outing him and you,
if you resign.
Why are you acting like this?
Is it because of what's going on
with your family?
We go to the same church,
I know what happened.
What John did is his problem.
-He's still your dad.
-I don't care.
He beat up a prostitute.
I'm not a fan of sex workers,
but they deserve to be safe.
Just not allowed to vote.
-April--
-What?
I'm sorry.
Resign or pretty boy walks the plank.
And there are sharks in the waters
and, like, rough coral reef.
[Debbie] Girls?
Oh.
-Hey, girls.
-[video game sounds on cell phone]
How are you?
[clears throat]
Okay, well um, your father was
walking upstairs
and he tweaked his back,
and our heating pad is finally kaput.
Twenty-two years is a good run. [chuckles]
So do you mind going to the drugstore
and getting him a new one?
We're beat, Mom.
I'm sorry,
I shouldn't have asked it like that.
Go to the drugstore and get him a new one.
That's not fair.
Our breadwinner has a seized rhomboid.
Honey, that is not fair.
You know, we had very emotional days
and you didn't even ask about them.
-We worked all week.
-Yeah.
Really? Well, we wouldn't know.
We haven't seen a penny of your wages.
Oh, we're saving it
um, so that we can give you
one big payment on Friday.
Mm-hm.
Oh, well, that's responsible
and inspiring and
I'm proud of you.
And you're still going to the drugstore.
Chop-chop, girls.
[yawns]
-Sad.
-Very.
-Should we tell him?
-He has a right to know.
Those are bad for you, sir.
Yeah, they'll kill you,
and we're not kidding.
[both] Pastor Booth! Hi!
The Wesley girls.
Always nice to see people out in the wild.
Oh, I know. They're terrible.
Oh, we're just joking
because we knew it was you.
Yeah, we love cigarettes.
We talk about them all the time.
No need to make me feel better,
I know the dangers of my habit.
What can I say? It's hard to stop.
But The Bible tells us
if we humble ourselves before the Lord,
He will lift us up.
Eventually.
We'll pray for you.
Nah, save your prayers
for those that need them.
This is between me and my maker.
See y'all Sunday.
Mm-hm.
Hi.
$25.39.
Do I look stupid?
It's pretty hard to tell
just from looking.
These bills are fake.
Don't bring this shit into my store.
Next.
This was the change I got
from the old folks' home.
[gasps]
Kenneth.
Bowser, the change from the food stand
at the old folks home is fake.
Kenneth Chu had to have been there.
No, no, wait a minute.
-We already checked.
-But we have proof.
There's counterfeit money in rotation.
All right, maybe we missed something.
You know what?
Meet me out front at the home.
I'm gonna waterboard that Linda Chu lady
with a super fizzy can of Sprite.
Blair, don't you pour no soda
on that old woman.
-I got a better idea.
-[Blair] Oh, what is it?
Aww. What is it? I want to know the plan.
We have to text Mom.
Yeah, tell her we're going
to another drugstore.
-[tapping on cell phone]
- We'll need a whole list of alibis.
And aliases.
-[cell phone bleeps]
-"Black Heart." That'll be one of mine.
Bowser said no undercover stuff.
Well, Bowser is a grown man
who can tell the truth to people
about why he's not home right now
with a new heating pad.
We are going to have to
make up excuses sometimes.
Don't you think we should tell someone
what we're really doing, though?
Maybe Luke?
In case we end up missing
or in serious danger?
No. No way.
I mean, we obviously have a gift
for this line of work.
Bowser gets it,
but we can't expect other people to.
This has to remain top secret.
You're right.
It's like we've been recruited.
The best of the best get recruited.
Like football players, the CIA.
-National Merit Scholars.
-And models!
I do think this whole thing was kind of,
like, meant to be.
I've never been so excited
about, like, work.
Working.
It's kind of like we found our calling.
Most people don't know what they want
to do with their lives till they're old,
like, twenty-five.
Yeah. What if we become
the best bounty hunters in Atlanta?
Or the whole state?
-Or the whole country? What's stopping us?
-[chuckles]
I wish we could tell Mom and Dad.
-They'd be so proud.
-But we never will.
This could all go away if people find out.
Yeah, okay, never telling.
Never telling.
[both] Twin swear.
[Sterling] You sure he's in here?
She said the Lincoln Wing
is where folks go to rot.
This is where I'd hide.
Uh-uh. What are doing?
No. No. No. No. Hey.
Put that away.
Okay.
You might have caught my attention
with your Annie Oakley antics,
but guns are serious business.
Only as a last resort. Understood?
-Mm-mm.
-Good.
All right. Sometimes an intimidating flash
is all you need.
Hello?
He could be in any of these.
You wanted to kick down doors, didn't ya?
Yeah.
[chuckles]
Let's rope that skip.
[exhales deeply]
["Down With the Sickness" playing]
Get up
Come on get down with the sickness ♪
[grunts]
Come on get down with the sickness ♪
[grunts]
Come on get down with the sickness ♪
[grunts]
Get down with the sickness ♪
[grunts]
-[Blair] Holy shit!
-[Bowser] Get back! Get back!
Kenneth Chu, I'm a bail enforcement agent.
I've come to take you into--
-[grunts]
-[girls scream]
-Get him! Get him!
-[Sterling] Okay, wait!
[Blair] Sterling, keep up!
[Linda] Tookie!
[screaming]
Wait up!
Get back here!
[alarm blares]
[Sterling] Slow down!
-[grunts]
-Excuse me! Coming through.
-I'm so sorry.
-Actually--
-I love your scrubs!
Get him, Bowser!
[gasps]
Stop!
[people gasp]
Turn over!
-[grunts]
-[people gasp]
I've had a bad day.
-[grunts]
-[people gasp]
[chuckling]
Turn over, you little fuck.
Try me now, motherfucker.
So then, we chased him,
and everybody was, like, "Aaah!"
and we were all "Uggh!"
and then she sealed off the exit.
I sealed off the exit.
Nice. Now was that before or after you
got attacked by that latte?
Oh, hold on. It was a ceramic mug
-and it was sixteen ounces, all right?
-Hmm.
Good as new.
All right, thank you, Nurse Ratchet.
Ah, can I buy you a sundae?
Tacaño. Don't you have any Cointreau?
[chuckles]
I got some soju and some gummi bears.
I can make that work.
All right then.
I'll show you where it's at.
[sighs] Well, at least we can
pay Mom and Dad back now.
And maybe that'll make them forget
that we didn't get the heating pad.
Oh.
Are you still thinking about
Pastor Booth's cancer sticks?
Totally.
It's like we peeked behind the curtain
and the Wizard smokes.
[exhales deeply]
Although, we shouldn't judge.
It's easy for people to lose their way.
We gave him a pass.
If you put someone on a pedestal,
sometimes it's hard to see them
in a different light,
even if they're doing something bad.
I don't get it.
I'm on a pedestal in Fellowship,
so maybe I can own my sins
and still keep my reputation intact.
Wait, you're going to own your sins?
Like, for real?
Uh I'm not sure about this.
We can never be sure of anything.
But God never gives us
more than we can handle.
Remember that golf tournament when you
got lemon juice in your eye?
Nature's hot sauce.
-It was the hardest win of my life.
-But it was a win,
and you looked very cute
holding that trophy.
You're right. I did look cute.
God was taking care of you that day
in his own way.
We can do this.
Just talk fast or I'll change my mind.
I know there's been a lot of gossip
around here lately,
so I'd like to set the record straight.
In fact, Ellen?
[muffled] Mm-hm.
This is going to be
a little more teen-themed,
so if you wouldn't mind leaving?
Really? Oh, yeah. Sure.
Yeah, I could-- I gotta get my steps in,
so I'll just step on out.
Here if you need me.
[door closes]
The condom wrapper was mine.
Luke and I are having sex.
[snickering]
Come on.
[everyone laughs]
-What are you doing?
-Confessing.
You're not doing it right.
Yeah, again y'all,
we're having sexual relations
um, in the janitor's closet,
in, uh, his car
in this room, actually.
- [chuckles] Right, Luke?
-Yeah, I wouldn't sit on that couch.
No! No! No!
She is telling the truth.
This is hers.
It's beautiful.
-It's disgusting.
-Oh.
So why do you have it?
Because she dropped it
and I picked it up.
And decided to put it in a little baggie,
like baby teeth?
That is disgusting.
-[boy] Yeah.
-[April scoffs]
It's not mine.
Hannah B, tell them.
Um
It-- It isn't?
April, if it's yours, admit it.
Yeah, just tell us the truth.
I don't understand why you carry
it in your purse.
-[girl] Tell us the truth.
-[boy] God knows anyway.
[overlapping chatter]
[boy] It's disgusting.
Stop. I'm not kidding. It really is mine.
God doesn't care.
I'm a good person
and that's all that matters, right?
This is what you wanted.
Congratulations, it's all yours.
Sterling.
-You're actually getting your steps in.
-Oh, sure am.
And 24,000.
Time for a Fig Newton break.
How can I help you, Sterling?
I need, or want, to step down
as Fellowship leader.
What? How come?
Did Ezequiel bully you
about your ponytail?
Because I think
it's at the perfect height.
I've just got a lot on my plate right now
with Debate and, um, and AP Chem.
And my mom and my dad just added dishes
to my wedge in my chore wheel,
so I'm like-- I'm like totally swamped.
I get it. Believe me.
I was elected VP of my condo board
and it's worn me down
to a tiny little nub.
So you're not disappointed in me?
No.
You're taking care of you.
I think that's admirable.
I'm still learning to hear my own voice.
I applaud your ability to know yourself,
know your desires.
My desires.
Yes.
["Rainbow" plays]
Thank you.
When it rains it pours ♪
But you didn't even notice ♪
It ain't raining anymore ♪
It's hard to breathe
when all you know is ♪
The struggle of staying above ♪
The rising water line ♪
Well, the sky is finally opened ♪
The rain and wind stopped blowing ♪
But you're stuck out
in the same old storm again ♪
You hold tight to your umbrella ♪
Well, darling,
I'm just trying to tell ya ♪
That's there's always been a rainbow ♪
Hanging over your head ♪
Well, the sky is finally opened ♪
The rain and wind stopped blowing ♪
But you're stuck out
in the same old storm again ♪
Let go of your umbrella ♪
'Cause darling,
I'm just trying to tell ya ♪
That's there's always been a rainbow ♪
Hanging over your head ♪
Yeah, there's always been a rainbow ♪
Hanging over ♪
You're head ♪
[vocalizing]
It'll all be all right ♪
[breathing deeply]
Go! Go! Go! Go!
Right here.
Clear!
[groans] You're still doing it wrong.
You have to go into the room,
look around, see if it's clear,
and then yell, "Clear!"
-I did that.
-No, you didn't.
You just didn't see.
I'm a speed reader. My eyes work fast.
Also, I know that it's going to be hard
for you to pull this off,
but you have to at least pretend
like you're going to be intimidating.
You don't seem like you're
going to use deadly force at all.
Uh, my gun's better than your gun.
Olive Bear isn't a gun.
She's nunchucks. Okay?
Watch me. Mm.
Not clear!
I told you I'd smoke you out.
You're going to jail, buddy.
That is no fair. You didn't tell me
the skip was under there.
I decided in the moment.
Your room is such a mess,
there could be skips everywhere.
Also bedbugs.
Why does my clock say it's 9:48?
That can't be right.
That would mean that
church starts in twelve minutes.
Mom and Dad are gonna kill us.
I have to shower!
[horn honks]
[tires screech]
If we don’t survive this,
I want you to know
that I’ve cherished our time together.
Same. I love you!
-Stop it!
-I won't.
And I'm sorry that I lost
your Bratz doll on that roller coaster.
When we reached the loop, my hands let go!
[theme music]
[vocalizing]
[folksy guitar music]
[man] I'm on my knees ♪
For the throne ♪
And I'm struck by your love ♪
[whispering] You're late.
[both] Sorry.
Oh, I'm struck by your love ♪
I'm on my knees ♪
I'm on my knees ♪
I'm on my knees ♪
Mmm ♪
[song ends]
What a wonderful ministry of song.
Thank you, brothers and sisters.
Beloved!
Before I begin,
today's sermon is a bit adult-themed.
So, if you would like to avoid
some uncomfortable questions at brunch,
please send your little ones off
to visit with the Youth pastor.
Now, y'all see me up here every Sunday,
so you know I like to talk.
[light laughter]
Something you may not know about me
is that most nights I like to go home,
watch Wheel of Fortune
and have sex.
-[light gasps and chuckling]
-I know. I know.
Hard word to hear
in the house of the Lord,
but why? Why?
I am a Christian man
with love in my heart,
and I am married
to this beautiful creature.
Beloved, sex is a gift from God.
So, I say to my married
brothers and sisters out there,
take time to celebrate this gift
and do God's will.
In fact, I'm gonna issue you a challenge.
Every single day this week,
I want y'all married folks to have sex.
[light laughter]
Oh, I know,
you're going to be tired from work.
-You're already doing the challenge.
-Shh.
What? He knows you've had sex.
He probably watched, too.
He sees everything.
It's so weird that nobody's
at the Stevens' pew.
I know, right?
They're besmirched by scandal,
but they're not dead.
Do you think anyone knows what happened?
Mm-mm.
[man] I hope his wife
and kids forgive him,
but it's hard coming back
from beating up a one-legged hooker.
She was a "leggy" hooker, Vernon.
Yeah, but it-- it-- it's just awful,
but we shouldn't rush to judgment.
It is easy for people to lose their way.
Amen.
Do you think
Do you think God's mad that
we're doing the challenge?
No. No, he knows that we're
going to get married.
One day.
We're just being good students
and getting an early start.
Yeah. Yeah, you're right.
[chuckles]
You know, I miss you already.
I wish we could FaceTime when we sleep.
-We can!
-Mm-hm.
All right, I'll FaceTime you later.
-Okay.
-Okay.
So, what did y'all think of the sermon?
Seems pretty clear.
Have sex if you're married
and only if you're married.
-Right.
-Yeah, then we got it.
-We got it.
-Got it.
Good. It gives you all something
to look forward to.
-Yeah.
-Being married and all.
That's right.
[both chuckle]
-Okay, bye!
-Ew.
-Wait, where are you going?
-To work.
You have two gainfully employed
daughters now, remember?
Yeah, we could be out running wild
in the streets,
but instead,
we're stimulating the local economy.
Good.
Y'all can pay me back this week.
For the truck.
Yeah.
-Wow. He's really holding a grudge.
-Yeah, like, let it go.
You know, a week is a long time if you
think about it.
What, you didn't get a clear enough visual
of Mom and Dad making love?
-You want to talk about it some more?
- I can't help it.
I've got peen on the brain.
I thought it would have happened
for me and Jennings by now,
but you beat me to the punch
and Pastor Booth is waving it in my face.
Bowser, when was the last time
you stuck a fork in a pork bun?
Not this, not with you.
Okay, so recently.
-No!
-So a while then? That's not good.
Would you please just leave me out of
whatever the hell it is
you're yakking about?
She's upset because she hasn't
sealed the deal with Jennings yet.
What's a Jennings?
My freaking boyfriend, Bowser.
Yeah, but she isn't considering
is the fact the people around her
having sex are in love.
Wait, what?
Well, Luke, and I
didn't even think of doing it
until we professed
our love for each other.
And after that, it was kind of game on.
Right. Of course.
I just need a little intimacy
to grease the wheels.
If it happened for you,
it'll definitely happen for me.
Obviously.
So, how do we fall in love
as fast as humanly possible?
Uh
[sighs] Anyway,
my bondswoman is coming over.
-What's that?
-A bondswoman is someone who puts up bail,
-AKA, a bond, for criminals.
-Oh.
If they miss their court date,
she calls us,
we catch the skip, everybody gets paid.
Seems like we're doing her dirty work,
but go on.
What we need to do now
is get our story straight
about who you are.
Okay? Now I'm thinking
maybe you're my interns,
and the reason you look so young
is because your mama
smoked when she was pregnant.
Hard no. Not even in a lie.
Cigarettes are bad.
Yeah, they'll kill you. We're not kidding.
Let's say that we look really young
because we stayed out of the sun.
Yeah.
Ooh, and maybe we're former gymnasts.
As long as my thing can be balance beam.
Yeah, of course!
I'm more of a vaulter anyway.
So after the Olympic trials,
they studied criminal justice
in hopes of being licensed one day
as bounty hunters in the
wonderful state of Georgia.
If we ever infiltrate a Brownie troop,
I suppose you'll be useful.
How'd you meet Bowser?
Uh, same way you did, probably.
[Blair] Yes, totally the same way.
[chuckles]
[all laugh]
What?
-Mr. Bowser and I--
-Worked together. In a club.
-[woman] And then--
-Became friends.
Bumped uglies until he married
my straight-up crazy sister.
-[gasps]
-Wh? Plot twist. You're married?
Was.
Mm-hm.
Chose the wrong door on that game show.
So work?
[woman]
Kenneth Chu. Twenty-seven years old,
facing two counts of counterfeiting.
No known social media activity,
but we do have an address that he used
to send himself stuff from Amazon.
Spry toothpaste, pool float.
Sounds like a freak.
Which brings me to our undercover work.
Above
I have a finger wave,
a stacked bob
or, ooh--
A little red pixie that can go either
street teen, dog lover-- woof--
or lost Russian tourist.
[with accent] "Hello, where is the Marta?"
Okay, Carmen Sandiego,
we're not detectives or spies.
Go on and put away your little drag bag.
What? No, I want the good stuff,
like kicking down doors and shit,
like Terrance Coin.
[dramatic music]
So, the skip's inside.
Apparently, he's a big bitch.
Luckily, I eat big bitch for breakfast.
-[slurping sound]
-Let's go.
[faint chatter]
Let's rope that skip.
["Down With the Sickness" playing]
Get up
Come on get down with the sickness ♪
Get up
Come on get down with the sickness ♪
Get up
Come on get down with the sickness ♪
[exhales deeply]
Night-night.
He's a punk and a clown.
And that catchphrase?
You're jealous because he has
15,000 subscribers
and your mama won't even
like your Instagram posts.
My mama hates sunsets!
Listen to me,
maybe one time out of a hundred,
you gotta trust your gut
and kick in a door.
-Yeah.
-[Bowser] No.
For the most part,
bounty hunting is a slow, steady race.
And I'm hard.
Then sit out this case.
[both] No!
[Bowser] Yes!
As my interns, it is your job to learn.
You can ride along with me,
ask me questions,
but don't touch my radio.
-And no snacks in the car.
-But--
You can chew gum,
but only if you save your wrapper to spit.
For the record, I smashed him
when he was fun.
You were fun?
[Blair] Okay, I found this article
in the failing New York Times
called, "Thirty-six Questions
That Lead to Love."
-[music playing]
-Sweet.
Why?
If you answer the questions
with your partner,
you gain intimacy.
And then, like, we get to do it.
And then we get to fall in love.
Then we get to do it.
Blair, have I ever told you
you're the coolest girl in school?
No, you are.
Okay, um
First question.
What would constitute
a perfect day for you?
Being with you.
Same.
Oh, my God, it's working.
I like you so much.
[gasps] Mm.
-[Blair] We almost did it.
-[Sterling] But you didn't?
We kissed for a really long time
and then the bell rang.
But his thing was, like,
throbbing on my hip.
It had a heartbeat.
Hey! Would y'all shut up?
Jesus. What the hell?
Sorry, ma'am. Yes, teenagers.
Um, listen, I'd like to just come by
as a general guest.
-You're basically there.
-Yeah, I know.
-[Blair squeals]
-Okay.
No, I got it.
Thank you.
For nothing.
All right, so this is the last address
Kenneth Chu used.
-An old home?
-Mm-hm.
It's not a residence,
so we don't have legal grounds to enter.
And the home won't
allow unregistered guests,
so we can't even go in and poke around.
[Blair] That's okay.
Sterling and I can create a diversion
while you sneak in.
She can Irish step dance.
I'm not above flashing.
I'm thinking of something
that won't get us arrested.
Bounty hunters can get arrested?
Yes.
Now listen to me.
As my interns,
I'm gonna give you an assignment.
This is the bounty hunting equivalent
of you getting me coffee.
-You ready?
-Yeah.
For you to take time out of your studies
to come read scripture to our folks,
that just warms my heart.
Come on, right this way.
-[chatter]
-[music playing]
Hm. It doesn't smell as old
as I thought it would.
Hi mister, are you lost?
[grumbles]
You're welcome.
Here you go.
Um No, thank you.
But old people love coffee.
I don't drink on the job.
Okay? It makes me want
to go to the bathroom.
You don't drink water?
No. I can self-hydrate.
I'm doing it now.
Mm.
Thank you.
So the receptionist confirmed
that there is no Kenneth Chu here.
But there is a Linda Chu.
Shall we go read the Word of God to her?
Don't say it like that, all sarcastic.
I wasn't being sarcastic.
[woman] My grandson sends stuff here?
What is it? Porn? Drugs?
According to our sources,
it was Spry toothpaste and a pool float.
What do those items mean to you?
[stammers] Ma'am, when was the last time
you spoke to him?
I haven't seen him in a year.
Do you know anyone who's kept in touch
with your grandson?
Tookie doesn't have any friends.
All he cares about is money.
I wish he'd send some my way
-so I could upgrade from this dump.
-[groans]
The Nixon Wing is the crappiest one
in this place.
I mean the Reagan Wing, the Truman,
that's where it's at.
Anything but the Lincoln Wing.
That's where they move you
when you're about to
complete your final act
Like Miguel there.
Eh, I love you, too.
Asshole.
Okay. Well, thank you very much.
Oh, and they skimp on our toilets too.
-[groans] She was a yapper.
-Yeah.
Although I get where she's coming from.
I know faux granite when I see it.
Yeah, Kenneth Chu
must have a lifeline out there.
Yeah, but how do we find out who that is
if he doesn't have
a single social media account?
Also, how can you not have a single
social media account?
-Tookie!
-[Bowser] What's a tookie?
She called him, "Tookie."
What?
-[tapping on cell phone]
-[gasps]
Okay, can we just take a second
to acknowledge how smart I am?
I mean, I really should be
doing better in school.
Uh-huh. So, he does have a life.
And it looks like this Melissa
is his piece.
You shouldn't talk about women like that.
She's wearing a scrunchie as a shirt.
But okay, she's the love of his life.
She works at a salon in East Lake.
Wait.
Should we do a stakeout? Please.
-Oh.
-Pretty please, can we do a stakeout?
Okay, Okay,
I'll find out when her shift is,
but this is not a 007
sexy recon mission, nuh-uh.
No. No. No.
This is gonna be you guys,
without your phones,
doing exactly as I tell you.
Do you understand?
[with accent]
Yes, Sire. Your wish is my wish.
Okay, that was not Russian.
That sounded like Chinese up in there.
What is happening here?
So that's the thing about Ephesians.
It says there should not be
even a hint of sexual immorality
or any kind of impurity.
Or of greed.
So, if any of you are coveting things
then let's talk about that.
[quiet chatter]
I-- I took my brother's bandana.
Which I guess is stealing, not coveting.
Oh.
Uh, Veronica Lopez debuted
a new spiral notebook
and for a second,
I wished that I had bought it first.
Oh, well, the fact that you're,
uh, talking about it
proves that you've already repented.
So, thank you Hannah B.
Mm, and thank you Sterling W.
Let's give her a hand, guys.
This was a great way to start Fellowship.
Oh, we're gonna have
so much fun this year!
Yeah.
And you know what? I was thinking
you should totally just
use my parking space.
Yes, because I'm scootering these days,
so the curb is fine by me.
Yes, I am. I'm scootering, guys.
Scootering, that's pretty cool, isn't it?
Uh, thank you, but I don't
need any special treatment.
I'm here to minister.
So beloved, let's end with a prayer.
Yes.
Okay.
[breathes deeply]
Dear Lord, please guide us
as we start our journey in Fellowship.
Awaken us, especially our
brothers and sisters in need,
like April,
no matter when she comes back,
if at all ever.
Bless her wherever the winds may take her.
[April] Touching.
-[gasps]
-[Sterling] April!
I guess those ble-- blessed winds
brought you back.
What are you doing here?
I had a stomach bug,
which is why I must look
thinner than usual.
-Yeah, I see it.
-Turn to the side, and you're gone.
And I heard there was weird talk
about my dad,
but he left for a long work trip to Tokyo,
so I don't know
where that was coming from.
Why is she back?
Okay, I know you're panicking,
but there's a bright side.
-Which is?
-She's lying.
-So?
-So?
She doesn't know we turned her dad in.
-Oh.
-See?
So, we just the same everyone else
-and play dumb?
-Absolutely.
Okay. Yeah, I can do that.
The weather in Asia's
supposed to be really great.
[school bell rings]
Be cool.
-[students chattering]
-Okay.
[whispering] Great job.
Oh, thank you.
I'm really glad that you're
feeling better, April.
Don't pretend like you care.
There's not a genuine bone in your body.
Unless you're counting Luke's.
Are you preserving that?
I'm not gonna let this thing roll around
in my bag and riddle it with herpes.
What do you want?
What I've always wanted. Your position.
So, resign as Fellowship Leader by Friday,
or this puppy goes wide.
Girls, goodnight.
We are gonna turn in early.
-Chloe's gonna stay with y'all tonight.
-Why? She likes your bed.
Oh, well, we don't want her
watching us sleep.
[Debbie] Right, because we're turning in
early to rest and dream.
[Debbie and Anderson chuckle]
Okay. Goodnight.
They are obviously going to bang.
Gross!
At least we saved your eyeballs
from catching on fire. Yes, we did.
[whimpers]
What is wrong?
I'm quitting Fellowship.
Stop. We've been through this.
Yeah, well, maybe I decided that it's
not worth the fight.
April will be a fine leader.
Are you kidding me?
She'll make it all about herself.
She doesn't care about Christianity.
Well, apparently she cares more than I do
because she's willing to spread
a rumor about me.
I mean, it's not a rumor, but still.
No A rumor.
That's all it is.
[people shouting]
Hey, did y'all hear what happened
in Fellowship yesterday?
Someone dropped a condom wrapper.
[girls gasp]
[cell phone bleeps]
-Oh.
-[cell phone bleeps]
No, Veronica, I heard it was a used condom
and that it was found in Band.
Or was it Drama?
Hey, Tiffany
[chattering]
[cell phones bleep and chime]
Should we say it's mine?
I mean, it sounds like something I'd do.
[cell phones continue bleeping
and chiming]
What's going on?
You haven't heard?
Tammy DeWitt found a love glove
in Woodshop!
No, it was Horny Lorna in Gym
and it wasn't just one. It was a box.
This is the weirdest game of Clue ever.
I don't understand.
Ooh, what is your
greatest accomplishment in life?
Well, I do have the most kills out of all
my friends on Fortnite.
What about you?
Being a completely original person.
Okay, "What would you like
to be famous for?
Rapping, for sure.
Check it.
Young Jennings
Cash pending, sale pending ♪
Mind-bendin' ♪
Something like that, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
You?
Um
TBD, but something that completely changes
the course of humankind.
You know what? These are too broad. Um
Oh, here's a good one.
"How is your relationship
with your mother?"
My mom's, like, my soulmate, you know?
She's, like, my rock.
[breathes deeply]
[sniffs]
What about you? [chuckles]
Yeah, um
she's more like a boulder
than a-- a rock,
but same.
Make ou t.
Please. Yeah.
How much longer do we have to
watch this woman frost bangs?
I can only take so much.
Shift was supposed to be over an hour ago.
Maybe she got pulled into a double.
[breathing deeply]
[whispering] What's wrong with you?
Oh, that?
I, uh drank a smoothie earlier.
Didn't know it had liquid in it.
You know you can go to the bathroom
like a normal person?
-There's a gas station down the street.
-No.
-Bowser, it's really bad for your body--
-I'm fine.
Please,
just talk amongst yourselves, will ya?
What does it mean
when you kiss with your eyes open?
Okay, I'm out.
I'll be back in ten.
Seriously, what do you think it means?
Do you kiss Luke like that?
I'm sure I have.
Um
-I haven't.
-Shit!
Jennings is the only guy at school
that could even remotely get me.
What if we're not falling in love?
You are.
Well, it's not happening quick enough.
I'm literally dying of horniness.
I'm going in.
What? No! We don't even know what to ask.
"Where is Kenneth Chu?"
Sounds clear to me.
[music playing]
Hey there. Do you have time for a wax?
Sure. Lip?
Brow.
Really?
Ow.
Getting ready for a date.
My boyfriend's taking me out
for American food.
Ow.
He says I'm lucky to have him
even buy me a potato skin.
You tell him to go suck a butt.
No man should ever talk to you like that.
[sighs]
Um, he's so controlling,
but it's probably
just because he loves me, right?
No, that kind of love is a lie.
Are you in love?
Ish.
My dude does all this shady shit
and says it's for me and our future.
Although I want to believe it,
I know it's a lie, too.
Yeah, where does he get off
telling you that?
Literally, where does he live
to have learned such a thing?
-What?
-I mean, his values are awful.
What neighborhood does that come from?
Druid Hills? Decatur?
What's his address?
Ow!
You know what?
I left something in the back.
Give me one sec.
Okay.
[gasps]
Oh, shit! I blew it.
Shit! Shit! Shit.
According to her mother,
Melissa has fled
to her uncle's in North Carolina,
with Kenneth presumably riding shotgun.
-Does that mean that she's involved?
-It doesn't matter.
He's the skip.
The only way I get paid
is if I bring him in.
I'm sorry, dude,
but I was trying to help.
No! You were in such a goddamn rush
to kick down doors that you
anti-helped.
You hindered!
So, do you think it's going
to slow down our paycheck?
What about this don't you understand?
Hm? If I don't get paid,
you don't get paid.
But our parents have been asking about
the money and--
Oh. Well, you tell your parents
that you messed up at work, huh?
That wouldn't be a lie.
Cathy, do with them what you wish.
Have you met the fudge pump?
So, I guess if I could wake up tomorrow
with, like, one special ability,
it would be
to see through things, you know?
Mm-hm.
Look, Jennings--
We're not in love.
No.
I felt it or-- or I didn't,
but I really wanted to.
Yeah.
It's like this one time
I was in Drama class
and I was supposed to
laugh at the end of the scene,
but I got so excited
that I laughed through all of the scene
and I got an F.
I feel you.
I messed up my boss' project at work,
but it was only because
I really wanted to finish it.
Of course, you've got passion.
And you've got instincts.
Hey, screw Mr. Pearl for failing you.
Laughing through a scene
can definitely be an arc.
I've just, like, never been able to share
this stuff with a girl before.
Me either.
With a boy.
That's why I feel comfortable
just being, like
"I don't like you."
Really? 'Cause, um I hate you.
Your answers were strange.
Yours were stupid.
You have deeply rooted issues
with your mom.
And you're going to bone yours one day.
So, we're breaking up, right?
It already happened, babe.
I should never have underestimated
her fortitude.
In third grade, she held a burp
all through Easter worship.
What do you mean her "fortitude"?
Oh.
Like, the rumor mill
completely passed her by,
even though every other
person got hit with shrapnel.
Yeah. The last one I heard
was that we found the condom and used it.
[chuckling]
I mean, can you even imagine?
I'd rather not, so
[Hannah B] Well, maybe Sterling is lucky.
Some people in the world just are.
I don't believe in luck.
Need some help?
I miss the days of just "trash."
Right?
There's a bin for everything now.
Paper, glass
Latex.
Then again,
without some rules and structure
guiding principles
it'd be anarchy.
Are we, um
Are we still talking about trash?
I know you and Sterling have strayed.
And that might be fine
for heathens and Yankees,
but she's head of fellowship
and you're captain of the golf team.
If you two aren't walking the walk,
how can you expect anyone else to?
I don't know what-- What are you--
I don't know what you're ta--
I know. I know.
Let me explain.
Unbelievable.
Thank you. I did a sheet mask.
You threatened Luke.
No, I exploited the weak spot.
Like we're taught in Forensics.
We aren't playing for trophies here.
Luke is a person.
A sweet, sensitive person.
He can't handle the pressure.
Which is why
I'll spare outing him and you,
if you resign.
Why are you acting like this?
Is it because of what's going on
with your family?
We go to the same church,
I know what happened.
What John did is his problem.
-He's still your dad.
-I don't care.
He beat up a prostitute.
I'm not a fan of sex workers,
but they deserve to be safe.
Just not allowed to vote.
-April--
-What?
I'm sorry.
Resign or pretty boy walks the plank.
And there are sharks in the waters
and, like, rough coral reef.
[Debbie] Girls?
Oh.
-Hey, girls.
-[video game sounds on cell phone]
How are you?
[clears throat]
Okay, well um, your father was
walking upstairs
and he tweaked his back,
and our heating pad is finally kaput.
Twenty-two years is a good run. [chuckles]
So do you mind going to the drugstore
and getting him a new one?
We're beat, Mom.
I'm sorry,
I shouldn't have asked it like that.
Go to the drugstore and get him a new one.
That's not fair.
Our breadwinner has a seized rhomboid.
Honey, that is not fair.
You know, we had very emotional days
and you didn't even ask about them.
-We worked all week.
-Yeah.
Really? Well, we wouldn't know.
We haven't seen a penny of your wages.
Oh, we're saving it
um, so that we can give you
one big payment on Friday.
Mm-hm.
Oh, well, that's responsible
and inspiring and
I'm proud of you.
And you're still going to the drugstore.
Chop-chop, girls.
[yawns]
-Sad.
-Very.
-Should we tell him?
-He has a right to know.
Those are bad for you, sir.
Yeah, they'll kill you,
and we're not kidding.
[both] Pastor Booth! Hi!
The Wesley girls.
Always nice to see people out in the wild.
Oh, I know. They're terrible.
Oh, we're just joking
because we knew it was you.
Yeah, we love cigarettes.
We talk about them all the time.
No need to make me feel better,
I know the dangers of my habit.
What can I say? It's hard to stop.
But The Bible tells us
if we humble ourselves before the Lord,
He will lift us up.
Eventually.
We'll pray for you.
Nah, save your prayers
for those that need them.
This is between me and my maker.
See y'all Sunday.
Mm-hm.
Hi.
$25.39.
Do I look stupid?
It's pretty hard to tell
just from looking.
These bills are fake.
Don't bring this shit into my store.
Next.
This was the change I got
from the old folks' home.
[gasps]
Kenneth.
Bowser, the change from the food stand
at the old folks home is fake.
Kenneth Chu had to have been there.
No, no, wait a minute.
-We already checked.
-But we have proof.
There's counterfeit money in rotation.
All right, maybe we missed something.
You know what?
Meet me out front at the home.
I'm gonna waterboard that Linda Chu lady
with a super fizzy can of Sprite.
Blair, don't you pour no soda
on that old woman.
-I got a better idea.
-[Blair] Oh, what is it?
Aww. What is it? I want to know the plan.
We have to text Mom.
Yeah, tell her we're going
to another drugstore.
-[tapping on cell phone]
- We'll need a whole list of alibis.
And aliases.
-[cell phone bleeps]
-"Black Heart." That'll be one of mine.
Bowser said no undercover stuff.
Well, Bowser is a grown man
who can tell the truth to people
about why he's not home right now
with a new heating pad.
We are going to have to
make up excuses sometimes.
Don't you think we should tell someone
what we're really doing, though?
Maybe Luke?
In case we end up missing
or in serious danger?
No. No way.
I mean, we obviously have a gift
for this line of work.
Bowser gets it,
but we can't expect other people to.
This has to remain top secret.
You're right.
It's like we've been recruited.
The best of the best get recruited.
Like football players, the CIA.
-National Merit Scholars.
-And models!
I do think this whole thing was kind of,
like, meant to be.
I've never been so excited
about, like, work.
Working.
It's kind of like we found our calling.
Most people don't know what they want
to do with their lives till they're old,
like, twenty-five.
Yeah. What if we become
the best bounty hunters in Atlanta?
Or the whole state?
-Or the whole country? What's stopping us?
-[chuckles]
I wish we could tell Mom and Dad.
-They'd be so proud.
-But we never will.
This could all go away if people find out.
Yeah, okay, never telling.
Never telling.
[both] Twin swear.
[Sterling] You sure he's in here?
She said the Lincoln Wing
is where folks go to rot.
This is where I'd hide.
Uh-uh. What are doing?
No. No. No. No. Hey.
Put that away.
Okay.
You might have caught my attention
with your Annie Oakley antics,
but guns are serious business.
Only as a last resort. Understood?
-Mm-mm.
-Good.
All right. Sometimes an intimidating flash
is all you need.
Hello?
He could be in any of these.
You wanted to kick down doors, didn't ya?
Yeah.
[chuckles]
Let's rope that skip.
[exhales deeply]
["Down With the Sickness" playing]
Get up
Come on get down with the sickness ♪
[grunts]
Come on get down with the sickness ♪
[grunts]
Come on get down with the sickness ♪
[grunts]
Get down with the sickness ♪
[grunts]
-[Blair] Holy shit!
-[Bowser] Get back! Get back!
Kenneth Chu, I'm a bail enforcement agent.
I've come to take you into--
-[grunts]
-[girls scream]
-Get him! Get him!
-[Sterling] Okay, wait!
[Blair] Sterling, keep up!
[Linda] Tookie!
[screaming]
Wait up!
Get back here!
[alarm blares]
[Sterling] Slow down!
-[grunts]
-Excuse me! Coming through.
-I'm so sorry.
-Actually--
-I love your scrubs!
Get him, Bowser!
[gasps]
Stop!
[people gasp]
Turn over!
-[grunts]
-[people gasp]
I've had a bad day.
-[grunts]
-[people gasp]
[chuckling]
Turn over, you little fuck.
Try me now, motherfucker.
So then, we chased him,
and everybody was, like, "Aaah!"
and we were all "Uggh!"
and then she sealed off the exit.
I sealed off the exit.
Nice. Now was that before or after you
got attacked by that latte?
Oh, hold on. It was a ceramic mug
-and it was sixteen ounces, all right?
-Hmm.
Good as new.
All right, thank you, Nurse Ratchet.
Ah, can I buy you a sundae?
Tacaño. Don't you have any Cointreau?
[chuckles]
I got some soju and some gummi bears.
I can make that work.
All right then.
I'll show you where it's at.
[sighs] Well, at least we can
pay Mom and Dad back now.
And maybe that'll make them forget
that we didn't get the heating pad.
Oh.
Are you still thinking about
Pastor Booth's cancer sticks?
Totally.
It's like we peeked behind the curtain
and the Wizard smokes.
[exhales deeply]
Although, we shouldn't judge.
It's easy for people to lose their way.
We gave him a pass.
If you put someone on a pedestal,
sometimes it's hard to see them
in a different light,
even if they're doing something bad.
I don't get it.
I'm on a pedestal in Fellowship,
so maybe I can own my sins
and still keep my reputation intact.
Wait, you're going to own your sins?
Like, for real?
Uh I'm not sure about this.
We can never be sure of anything.
But God never gives us
more than we can handle.
Remember that golf tournament when you
got lemon juice in your eye?
Nature's hot sauce.
-It was the hardest win of my life.
-But it was a win,
and you looked very cute
holding that trophy.
You're right. I did look cute.
God was taking care of you that day
in his own way.
We can do this.
Just talk fast or I'll change my mind.
I know there's been a lot of gossip
around here lately,
so I'd like to set the record straight.
In fact, Ellen?
[muffled] Mm-hm.
This is going to be
a little more teen-themed,
so if you wouldn't mind leaving?
Really? Oh, yeah. Sure.
Yeah, I could-- I gotta get my steps in,
so I'll just step on out.
Here if you need me.
[door closes]
The condom wrapper was mine.
Luke and I are having sex.
[snickering]
Come on.
[everyone laughs]
-What are you doing?
-Confessing.
You're not doing it right.
Yeah, again y'all,
we're having sexual relations
um, in the janitor's closet,
in, uh, his car
in this room, actually.
- [chuckles] Right, Luke?
-Yeah, I wouldn't sit on that couch.
No! No! No!
She is telling the truth.
This is hers.
It's beautiful.
-It's disgusting.
-Oh.
So why do you have it?
Because she dropped it
and I picked it up.
And decided to put it in a little baggie,
like baby teeth?
That is disgusting.
-[boy] Yeah.
-[April scoffs]
It's not mine.
Hannah B, tell them.
Um
It-- It isn't?
April, if it's yours, admit it.
Yeah, just tell us the truth.
I don't understand why you carry
it in your purse.
-[girl] Tell us the truth.
-[boy] God knows anyway.
[overlapping chatter]
[boy] It's disgusting.
Stop. I'm not kidding. It really is mine.
God doesn't care.
I'm a good person
and that's all that matters, right?
This is what you wanted.
Congratulations, it's all yours.
Sterling.
-You're actually getting your steps in.
-Oh, sure am.
And 24,000.
Time for a Fig Newton break.
How can I help you, Sterling?
I need, or want, to step down
as Fellowship leader.
What? How come?
Did Ezequiel bully you
about your ponytail?
Because I think
it's at the perfect height.
I've just got a lot on my plate right now
with Debate and, um, and AP Chem.
And my mom and my dad just added dishes
to my wedge in my chore wheel,
so I'm like-- I'm like totally swamped.
I get it. Believe me.
I was elected VP of my condo board
and it's worn me down
to a tiny little nub.
So you're not disappointed in me?
No.
You're taking care of you.
I think that's admirable.
I'm still learning to hear my own voice.
I applaud your ability to know yourself,
know your desires.
My desires.
Yes.
["Rainbow" plays]
Thank you.
When it rains it pours ♪
But you didn't even notice ♪
It ain't raining anymore ♪
It's hard to breathe
when all you know is ♪
The struggle of staying above ♪
The rising water line ♪
Well, the sky is finally opened ♪
The rain and wind stopped blowing ♪
But you're stuck out
in the same old storm again ♪
You hold tight to your umbrella ♪
Well, darling,
I'm just trying to tell ya ♪
That's there's always been a rainbow ♪
Hanging over your head ♪
Well, the sky is finally opened ♪
The rain and wind stopped blowing ♪
But you're stuck out
in the same old storm again ♪
Let go of your umbrella ♪
'Cause darling,
I'm just trying to tell ya ♪
That's there's always been a rainbow ♪
Hanging over your head ♪
Yeah, there's always been a rainbow ♪
Hanging over ♪
You're head ♪
[vocalizing]
It'll all be all right ♪