The Artful Dodger (2023) s01e02 Episode Script

MAN: Fire!
(SAILOR 1 SCREAMING)
(SAILOR 2 SCREAMING)
Jack! Dawkins! I
didn't help bust you out
of prison, so you could stand and watch.
(GROANS IN PAIN)
Quick sticks, boy.
No, it's not sharp enough, guv!
(PANTING)
Got it.
- Help me.
- YOUNG DODGER: All right, guv.
- One, two, three, four, five
- (CANNONBALL WHIZZES)
(SHIP RUMBLES)
Nine, ten
(SAILOR 1 GROANS)
Cat gut! Need those
quick fingers of yours.
- Stitch him. Pull his skin over.
- YOUNG DODGER: Right.
- Mother never taught you to sew?
- Never had one, sir.
(SAILOR 1 SCREAMS)
(CANNONBALL WHIZZES)
(SHIP RUMBLES)
- SAILOR 3: Over here, Captain!
- Show me!
- Stay with him, Jack.
- YOUNG DODGER: What do I do?
Nothing. Intestinal
wound is beyond our reach.
- He'll die before we're halfway through.
- So what? I don't
Hold his hand and see
him to the next life.
What?
Wally.
(GROANING)
(SOMBRE MUSIC PLAYING)
(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
(GRUNTS)
Um
Which way to the operating room?
There's no one in there. And
women aren't allowed, ma'am.
No, no, no. No, no, no, wait.
No, give me more time.
For God's sake, man,
I cannot perform surgery
without both of my hands!
It's a shame you didn't factor
that before you took up cards, Jack.
You owe me what you owe
me, and it's considerable.
- Take his right hand.
- No!
DARIUS: Hello, Mrs. Brennan.
Is that young Nathaniel I see there?
- He is growing apace.
- I give you my word.
I will have the funds soon.
What do you think, young Nathaniel?
Do you think we can trust him?
- Nah.
- (GASPS)
I took this hand off another
welcher earlier this morning.
I have rules, see.
I'll allow you the
latitude of Wednesday.
You pay me in full by then, or this.
All right if I have the hand?
- (SIGHS)
- It's a way shy of being useful, innit?
If I run a wire down
to the main lever and
add some of these small twirly things
It's hard to see 'im mastering
the subtlety of surgery
with that thing, Timmy.
It'll be right.
I just made an arm out of
a corset and a few forks.
Ah. You much of an orange eater, Dodge?
- I suppose.
- Shame.
Come.
(WHISPERS) You manage
to flog them rubies yet?
Now, therein lies a hiccup.
You see, I'm not yet familiar with
the comings and goings of this parish
and if you hadn't set yourself
up as a man of standing,
rather than what you're born to,
you might have been able to
steer me in a direction of use.
This is who I am. This
is all that matters to me.
Look, I'll fence them.
You have me solemn oath, it's
just, this is a shrunken town,
and I've gotta make meself a familiar.
I'm relying on you.
(CROWD CLAMOURING)
CROWD: Cut! Cut! Cut!
Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut!
DODGER: If you can't get the money
by Wednesday, then I lose my hand.
FAGIN: My word is my bond.
Your word and your bond are
two very different islands
with a vast ocean in between.
Hands are too tricky, Jack.
Too many moving things.
Any chance you'll swap
for a leg? Stumps are easy.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Perhaps, you wanna get that
while you can still relish the sensation
of a doorknob between your fingertips.
- Funny.
- Respectfully.
Just when you think your day's
reached its full potential.
Care for an orange, my dear?
I've only learned
through trial and error
that they display more
sweetness with the skin off.
I've come here to train.
- Horses?
- This was all I could find in a hurry.
I'm afraid today is not
a very good day for me.
You see, I'm trying to
resolve a personal issue.
It happens to be a very good
day for me. Where do I start?
Hetty will introduce
you to the other nurses
and issue you with a uniform.
No. I'm not here to train as a nurse.
But you are here to teach
me the art of surgery.
DODGER: That was never the deal.
BELLE: That was precisely the deal.
In return for me not handing you
over to my father, the governor,
the man with all the
power and lust for hanging.
You will do what I say.
- Women cannot make surgeons.
- Of course we can.
- She does have both hands.
- Thank you, Hetty.
These are not my rules.
They are society's rules.
Mmm. See, you forget.
Here, I am society.
Professor McGregor
will never accept you.
Did you miss the part where I
said I was the governor's daughter?
See, I'm as close to
royalty as it comes here.
Not in this place, you're not.
Here, you start where
everyone else starts.
(BELLE COUGHING)
(GROANS)
Well done.
Now, if Your Majesty would
take this royal offering
and 30 more like it and place it
in the pit at the rear of the hospital,
that would be excellent, thank you.
You take human excrement from sick
people and dump it outside the door?
Well, you may fashion a quilt
from it, should you desire.
This place is horrendous.
You noticed?
Has no one here heard of cleanliness?
Have you read the literature
coming out about hygiene?
See, we're a little busy
here to get much reading done.
Oh. Then you are killing your patients.
This lot would be safer
living in a pig pen.
The first task of any doctor
is not to panic their patients.
Now, I agree with you.
The ward is less than savoury,
but that is how the Prof likes it.
The professor's a giant
windy pop in an overcoat.
We do agree on something.
- I refuse to work in there.
- Fine.
Thank you for the honour of your visit.
I will need mops.
And I need to address the
nursing and laundry staff.
And, yes, some other clothes.
- (BRAYING)
- (PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
I've died and gone to hell.
Look around you, scum and wastrels,
and I am meant to save them?
And I defend 'em.
And I have to save
their worthless souls.
You know, before I came here,
I rarely indulged in libation.
I was known for my sobriety.
CROOKY: You know, I am a man of
God and even I do not abstain.
- ALISTAIR: Surgery demands a steady hand.
- Don't make me boke.
- CROOKY: As does God.
- ALISTAIR: Mmm.
You can no more shift that lot than
become the Lord of the Highlands.
Everyone knows who they belong to.
Darius's wife.
And no one round here
wants fine jewellery.
Take a look around you.
What a sad sorrow of a country
filled with fine upstanding Irish
and London scoundrels and
not a thing worth stealing.
Gold, rum, baccy, shovels, coins,
snitch me something they can use.
Bring 'em to me and we might talk.
BELLE: Scrub every inch! Every surface!
Open up those windows.
Let in some actual air.
We are forbidden to do that, ma'am,
for fear of contagion and God's wrath.
God sees this as one giant cesspit.
Open them!
And what would ma'am have
us do with these sheets?
Um
Burn them.
Now, I made an
unbreakable vow to the Lord
that if my church becomes
a cathedral and I a bishop,
- I will, thereafter, curtail my drinking.
- Aye, aye.
A solemn vow indeed, but is that likely?
CROOKY: Well, sadly, Port Victory
is not a place of pilgrimage.
There's nothing sacred in
this dog's swill country.
No relics, no icons, no saint's bones.
Just destitute criminals
demanding absolution.
You know, the real money
is with the Protestants.
Yes. Well, I have often
wondered about conversion.
And you can marry if you do.
Yes, there's a downside to everything.
(WATER RINSING)
(BELLE SIGHS)
All that scrubbing has left
you with a hole in your dress.
Then look away.
You know, I am aware of
medical discoveries overseas,
just our head surgeon is not.
Blood and gore, to him,
it's like a badge of honour.
And you'll go along with it even
if it's killing your patients?
He will turn everything you've
done back to the way it was.
And, for a few days,
at least some of the people
in there might survive.
You'll need a map of the human body,
how everything connects
to everything else,
from the big toe, all the
way up to the top of the head.
So, from the hallux to the cranium?
Digit phalanges, tarsus,
crus, patella, femur
Well, no, it's about the
internal organs as well.
Cerebellum, oesophagus,
lungs, heart, liver,
or would you like the
names in Ancient Greek?
I speak Greek, and Latin. Do you?
I've never found the need
to speak to dead Latins.
It isn't about the names.
You just said it was.
No, it is about looking
into the face of a child
knowing they're going to die
and knowing that there is
nothing you can do to help them.
There are more things
to medicine than death.
There is life, and hope.
I'm sorry I was not born
into a life of wealth.
I don't have the luxury of being able
to cause trouble and get away with it.
So, really much better to be
a common thief with your uncle.
Do you know how much they
pay the surgeons here?
Well, no, of course, you
wouldn't. Why would you?
Nothing. I get free
food and accommodation.
- Then, how do you
- By gambling.
I play cards.
That's how I make my money.
And I'm pretty good at it.
Except, last time, I got cheated,
and now, if I don't come up
with a year's worth of income,
then I get my hand cut off.
So, that's why Fagin stole the gems.
You want to be a surgeon?
Then expect nothing in return.
Hey, Dodge, what do you
know about Catholics?
What are they on about?
Have you managed to
flog those rubies yet?
It's in hand, there's a couple
of details still begging.
What do you know about 'em?
- Are you thinking about converting?
- It depends.
There may be something of a
holy conflation between money,
bones and Catholics.
Well, ask one of the
nurses. They're all micks.
Jack, got a sailor who
drank some whitewash.
Why would he do that?
A bet. Painting his internals.
Mix him up an emetic
and give him that bucket
when you've emptied it.
Sister. Sister, excuse me.
I was wondering, as a
man on a journey of faith,
whether I could talk to you about yours?
And you think this is the
right time to ask, do you?
Do what the Pope says,
be nice about the Virgin,
go to confessional
and tell him your sins.
Oh! What area of the
body claims that one?
- Coccyx?
- Yeah.
It's part of a woman's
arse. Leftover bit of tail.
Nellie Corstair's tail,
to be more precise.
You know, she was about to
hang, but the TB got her.
They hung her corpse anyway,
so she learnt her lesson.
ALISTAIR: We are men,
first and foremost.
It was from our rib
that woman was created.
We don't bow to women.
We are, by the grace of
God, the superior being.
Now let's see a woman try
and lift this over her head.
Well, I'd love to see
the naggin' biddy do this.
(LAUGHS DRUNKENLY)
- Oh, dear.
- Now
What?
(GROANS AND SCREAMS)
Now, just relax, Tinkler.
I think what you have here
is a strangulated hernia.
Oh, dear.
Now, no need to operate.
With my expertise, I shall massage
the tuberance back into place.
What the devilment has happened here?
What? Where's my hospital gone?
What is that odious smell?
Cleanliness, sir. It's
apparently a new thing.
And you're responsible for this?
Because if you were, your
employment is terminated.
No, sir. The order came from on high.
Who on high?
The governor's daughter.
She is insisting on it.
Lady Belle, what are you doing here?
My father sent me to observe.
I run this felicity at a gold standard.
I will have you know
that one in every six of my patients
goes on to live a very full life.
- Very impressive numbers.
- I cannot deal with this now.
My friend has a strangulated hernia.
- I shall lay hands on him.
- What?
- Prepare the surgical room.
- TINKLER: No.
(TINKLER GROANS)
Gentlemen, what you have before you,
is a classically-herniated groin.
(CROWD CLAMOURS)
With many lesser practitioners, this
procedure would prove impossible.
But sadly perhaps for you
in the gallery, in my hands,
this procedure will prove brief
and painless for my friend.
- Yeah, pick 'em up, pick 'em up, pick 'em.
- (CROWD LAUGHING)
And lay the patient on the table.
Here. Easy, now.
(FAGIN PRAYING INDISTINCTLY)
What are you doing?
Oh.
Forgive me, Bishop.
I was overcome with religious zeal.
ALISTAIR: Now, I lower
my friend's trousers
and feel gently around the groinal area.
(GROANS)
Mmm. Hello.
Sorry, Tinkler, I didn't
mean to touch that.
Yes, I can feel a sizeable protuberance
to the right of the testicles.
Pass me the hernia tool.
Now, I place the tool
gently onto the skin.
(SKIN CLAMPS)
(SCREAMS)
Yes, well, in a church
of this magnificence,
surely, you are the bishop.
Too far from Rome.
FAGIN: Oh.
Yes, well,
my own days training for
the cloth were equally hard.
You a priest? Find that hard to believe.
Yes, well, these are the
struggles of our faith.
What do we believe?
- I'm locking up now.
- All right, okay.
Well, I'll be on me way.
It's just, you see, I do like
to bless each church that I visit
with me holy relic before I leave.
I thank you, Bishop. Sorry, Priest.
A relic?
Now, just a standard complication
as the blood seeps out.
It's dropping, something I can sop with.
- What's happening?
- His bowel is falling out.
Do something.
Well, nothing more to be done. Just
the to and fro of normal medicine.
He'll die if you don't do something.
- Quick!
- He will die, anyway. It's abdominal.
We can't operate.
- The pain alone would kill him.
- ALISTAIR: Somebody daub as best we can.
At me lowest ebb, broken, destitute,
I was a wanderer without purpose,
until one day, a holy man
appeared to me on Mount Sinai
But I thought you said
you were in Jerusalem.
And told me to go forth unto Jerusalem,
where God would bestow
upon me a great blessing,
but also, a great burden.
And would that I could be rid of it.
Is this real?
It is real as my faith.
And these jewels
Rubies.
And the bone, who does that belong to?
- A martyred saint.
- Which saint?
Saint Coccyx.
- I haven't heard of him.
- Her.
You wouldn't have, very recent.
The Vatican kept her hushed.
She had a power that can't be measured.
Three of the popes owe
their papacy to her.
Well, she touched the popes?
Very often, I suspect.
But I can see that
you're closin' up, so
No, no, no. Stay, stay.
Let me break out the altar wine.
ALISTAIR: Is there anything that you
would like me to say to your wife?
I told you, he refuses
to ether patients.
Yeah, I wasn't thinking of the patient.
You tell her you're a murdering
buffoon who's killed me!
This is just normal behaviour
for someone in a state of shock.
Blood loss will also cause
- You're sweating, sir.
- Thank you.
Or are they manly tears for a comrade?
Here.
(CROWD GROANS)
Take over.
What? But I've never done
abdominal surgery before.
No one has.
He'll die, anyways. His
bowels are around his knees.
Everybody out. Go on.
Tim, can you deal with the Prof?
I have no idea how much ether to use.
So, experiment.
The amount they've been drinking,
they'll be out for weeks.
There, breathe in.
The idiot's perforated his bowel.
I'm gonna have to cut out this
section here and then join it up.
Just a moment.
Hetty, scissors.
(GROANS)
(BREATHING RAGGEDLY)
(SIGHS)
Staunch that blood. I
can't see a damn thing.
I can suture it.
- Are you sure? I don't want you fainting.
- I'm fine.
How's your needlework?
'Cause I'll need you
to stitch up the bowel
- before I can feed it back in.
- I do a lot of embroidery.
(APPLAUDING)
What? Why?
Extraordinary, sir. It was
like you were in a trance.
That is the word. Like
he was out of his body.
We thought your friend would die,
but somehow, you took
control and saved him.
It was a medical miracle.
Oh, you know, (CLEARS
THROAT) the three pillars.
Training, knowledge, and experience.
But, and when that fails,
an instinct kicks in.
Remarkable.
Do you know, I I have almost
no memory of how I achieved it.
But you were exhausted at the end
and slept the sleep of the righteous.
If only you could have seen
yourself as we saw you, sir.
That was truly something in there.
Will he live?
I don't know.
But he survived the
operation, which is remarkable.
I doubt what we did in there
has ever been done before.
You were very good.
As were you.
Mind you, a good surgeon doesn't
get dizzy over the sight of blood.
- Well, it took me two years.
- I'm perfectly fine with blood.
You did very well.
Nice embroidery on that bowel.
That's what we women are good for.
What we did today
was extraordinary.
(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)
I enter with goodly news.
Thank God, you sold the rubies.
Not in so many words.
There is only one
word, Fagin, it's "yes."
But now, I have access
to some bees and honey.
How much bees and honey? 26 pound worth?
Well, that depends on the scratchings
in the Sunday collection plate.
You sold the rubies to a church?
No, I loaned them.
Temporary storage till
I can find a real buyer.
Which church?
Church of the Holy micks.
In return for which I get the
takings of five collection plates.
So, five Sundays?
Fagin, I need the dosh by Wednesday!
The micks don't have any cash.
They're all ex-cons or soldiers
who've blown away all their pay.
This is God telling us to get
back to the ways that we know best.
I'm not going back to thieving.
You used to live for
it! Once in the blood.
- I saved a man's life today.
- Ah, yes.
That only yesterday would've died.
I performed surgery never
before attempted in this country.
Yeah.
There is a whole world
opening up for me.
But I need these.
Well, you know I'd give up
me own meat-hooks to save you.
Excellent, I accept.
Let's go offer them now.
- I did! They wouldn't take 'em.
- No, you didn't.
In a manner of speaking,
I did. I implied.
No. Because you'd never
do anything for me.
You've never done anything for me.
And I'm bloody sure you're taking
more than five collection plates.
Oh, tosh. Come on, you
hurt me to the core.
We're cut from the same
glass. Thicker than blood.
- No, you and I have nothing in common.
- Our history.
Yeah, well, you burnt that when
you left me rotting in Newgate.
What else?
Oliver Twist.
What about him?
We both equal hate him.
Well, yeah, everyone hates
Oliver Twist. He's a wet lettuce.
That by no means qualifies us as having
anything in common with one another.
No, I know what you do, Fagin.
You'd stand by again,
and watch as I go down.
Except this time, I'm
not gonna burn alone.
(HARP PLAYING)
"Me thoughts I heard the robin's
lark, midst the noise of day.
"But t'was in jest a canine's
bark, my companion's call to play.
"But then me thinks I
heard a different cry,
"that seemed to winged,
emanate from the sky."
A-woo! A-woo!
(WHISPERS) Did you forget your
sister organised an evening soiree?
Yes, if I'd remembered,
I'd still be out.
What have you done to yourself?
- I'm fine.
- Jodhpurs.
(HARP PLAYING)
(ALL APPLAUDING)
Open fire! Cannons!
You finished.
Thank God Good, good.
Very good. Yes, wonderful.
Heady stuff. Much, much to ponder. Yes.
Now, honoured guests,
family, dearest companions.
I know, like me, you must
be moist with anticipation,
wondering what treat is
behind these curtains.
With the help of Mr.
Smales and our domestics,
it is my honour to present
a series of tableaux
based on famous art masterpieces.
You think Father would mind awfully
me using a hunting rifle in the house?
First we immortalise Michelangelo's
famous painting of Leda and the Swan.
(IMITATING SWAN)
GOVERNOR: Well. Quite, Fanny.
- There's blood on your shoe.
- Is there?
Are you well, my dear?
(GUESTS APPLAUDING)
Extraordinary.
Will you ever spend
the whole night with me?
Go back to sleep.
CROOKY: In a time of trial, when
the soul is knitted up with cares,
we must turn inside ourselves
and find our strength.
Only then we'll be whole and pure again.
- Amen.
- CONGREGATION: Amen.
And how long before these blessings
of Saint Coccyx begin to work?
It began the moment your
hand touched its divine power.
Just keep it locked in that cage.
Actually, on second thoughts,
on special occasions, just lie
there and hold it to your chest
and let me take over some
of your more priestly duties.
(COUGHS)
GAINES: Bless me,
Father, for I have sinned.
I have committed sins
of thought and deed.
Of rage and torment.
I see the way men
look at my sweet Peggy.
I want to wring their
necks until their eyes pop
and their brains explode
from their nostrils.
Perfectly natural thoughts, my son.
God forgives you.
And now, I must leave my
innocent rose for three days.
Alone in that building.
With 100 soldiers arriving
for their monthly pay.
I can save them hands of yours, Dodge.
What, you got all 26 pounds?
And so much more.
No, not from one collection plate.
No, more from information shared in
the sanctity of the confession box.
But it is a lay-down hand.
- Do you have the money, yes or no?
- Yes, I do. Yes, I do.
It's just, it's a
question of collecting it.
Good. Where from?
From the military barracks.
No, no, no. Hear me out, hear me out.
All we gotta do is break
into the military quarters,
slip past a guard or two.
Stroll into Gaines' abode,
where his missus is in the
gentle arms of Morpheus.
Pinch the payload,
and you will be scoffing
scones and cream with two hands.
And that will be my last meal.
I told you what a madman Gaines is.
Yes, I know it. He opened
up to me intimately.
He's going away for three days.
I've got it all planned out.
Solid, copper-bottomed, foolproof.
You never plan anything.
You just make stuff up on the spot,
and then you hang people out to dry.
No, no, no, you see
before you a changed man.
I am growing, Dodge,
please. Please grow with me.
No, I've made that mistake once before.
You know, you never truly
leave the old ways behind.
You used to positively squeal
with delight after a heist.
Grubby little smile, from ear to ear.
I do not squeal.
Well, in that case, bid a
fond farewell to your hand.
Because without it, you might
as well be talking to the lid.
Strong stuff, this.
Clears you right out.
Sure you need all of it?
Yes. I've been backed
up something awful.
Time to fire a cannonball
through me bowels.
Bless you.
And may the good Lord
protect you tonight,
as you drink in all the
holiness you can manage.
Come on, drink up, lads.
You told me there were
two guards, there's five.
Two, five, what's the difference?
Three.
(SIGHS) I'm gonna scale that
tree, edge along the wall.
Then I'll find somewhere
soft to break my fall.
Take out one of the
guards, nick his keys,
and open the gate. Now, you wait here.
(VOMITING)
On the other hand, you could
always enter by the gate.
(VOMITING CONTINUES)
Hello, my dear. Stressful night?
I think they's all
dying. Is it the plague?
Well, I heard you had some trouble,
so I notified the young
doctor immediately.
Doctor?
There's been a shocking
outbreak of the dyspepsias
among some of our brave lads. I
thought you could be of assistance.
Can he come straight through?
After you.
Give these men some fluids.
DODGER: What did you do?
Little bit of that medication you gave
to the paint swallower the other day.
- How much did you give them?
- Just a cup or two.
Packs a powerful wallop.
You're only supposed
to give 'em a teaspoon.
"At first, do no harm."
Easy as pluckin' a winkle
out of a pigeon's ear.
PEGGY: What do you think you're doing?
SOLDIER: Just checking
the strongroom, ma'am.
PEGGY: Hurry, I'm
entertaining my cousin.
(STOMACH GURGLES)
(WHISPERS) Shadows.
Pilferer's best friend.
Dodge, Dodge.
- Oh.
- "Oh," what?
It's a bloody Durack Jenson.
DODGER: A bloody Durack Jensen.
Neither of us do safes. Did
you not think to check that?
I can't plan everything.
It's empty.
FAGIN: Yes. I noted that.
Someone hit it before us.
- (MAN MOANING IN DISTANCE)
- Let's go above. It's this way.
(PEGGY MOANING)
MAN: Get in there. (CHUCKLES)
Come here.
(PEGGY MOANS)
(PEGGY MOANING)
DARIUS: Come, my wild mare.
(GRUNTS)
(PEGGY MOANS)
(THUMPING)
(PEGGY LAUGHING AND MOANING)
(ROOSTER CROWING)
(DARIUS SNORING)
(DOG BARKING)
This is not the London I knew.
Where's the fog? Where's
the constant drizzle?
It kept the joy in.
Here, it's all blue skies
and not enough scratch.
It's ageing me.
Suppose this watch ought
to be worth a penny or two.
Tuppence.
That wouldn't even save me a finger.
He did display a
certain bounteous vigour.
We could always blackmail the codger.
DODGER: How?
By telling him we broke
in to steal their payload?
They'd hang us up along with Darius.
How much was in your collection plate?
Two pounds, two
shillings and thruppence.
Great. So, only 23 pounds short, then.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Morning!
I made another one for you, Jack.
I got it to hold an egg before.
Still a while to go.
Might take meself back to the
what'sy doovit I made Darius.
Darius doesn't have an artificial hand.
No. No, strange, that.
He wanted it for something else.
Had to go under his Benjamin.
Some sort of magic trick, he said.
That trick we used to
play on the old geezers
- down in Leicester Square.
- The money roll.
Yeah. You reckon you could make
two pound, two shillings and
thruppence look like a 26 pound roll?
- Depends how long we play the bluff.
- No, better,
can you make it look like two rolls?
Now, that would require artfulness.
Tim, show us exactly
how this apparatus works.
(MOANING SOFTLY)
Forgive me, whoever or
whatever is up there.
I done so much terrible and
wrong in this life and I knows it.
I ain't apologising 'cause we both know
I'll do the same again tomorrow,
and you give me this nature, so,
this is as much your
issue as it is mine.
If it be any comfort,
there's scarce a night goes by where me
dreams don't rattle me something awful.
No more than what I did to
Jack when he was a little'un.
You knows what I did.
And you know what I might have
to do to him in the future.
But for tonight, I'm
asking, humble-like,
watch over him.
I need him. With both his hands.
Yeah. Well
That's it.
Have a good night, God.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)
Nice.
Now, as long as we move quickly
and he doesn't notice the
odd bit of hospital bandage
and organ music, we should be fine.
DARIUS: Well, well, well.
Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Jack Dawkins.
The money or the hand,
that's his choice.
You know, Aputi here
brought his axe along.
It's a little bit blunt.
But it should do the job.
Few whacks, I suppose.
Your shigs.
I take it that's the money in full?
You can count it if you like.
There's plenty more
where that came from.
In fact, why don't we up the stakes?
You and me, winner takes all,
and I'll match that one with this
one right here of the same amount.
I'm happy as I am, thanks.
Fine, if you're scared.
Take the money. We're square.
Scared? Of you? Don't make me chuckle.
(MEN SNICKER)
I'm sorry, everyone, I thought
we coulda had a bit of fun,
but it seems that Mr. Darius
Cracksworth's somewhat lacking
- in the backbone department.
- You watch what you're saying, boy.
FAGIN: Not everyone can
be as brave as you, Jack.
FAGIN: Tell you what, why
don't we add a bit of flavour,
double the money and if he
loses, you take both his hands.
One hand, two hand,
what's the difference?
Am I the only one here with timber?
DARIUS: You wouldn't be
able to wipe your own arse.
Maybe that's what your shambles
of a relative is for, eh?
Yeah. Let's not say things
we might have cause to regret.
Are we talking, or are we playing?
You've got a big night ahead of you.
(MEN EXCLAIMING)
So, who's this Captain Gaines geezer?
We're playing cards, Uncle.
It's just a friendly game.
I heard he hung a bloke just
for looking at his missus.
DODGER: You don't even wanna
make eye contact with his missus.
He'll chop you up into little
pieces and feed you to his dog.
Isn't that right?
Two cards, please.
Withdraw the bet. Withdraw
the bet, give him the money.
No, don't work like that,
you hairy carpet bag.
He said he's in, he's in.
Aputi, did you have a
chance to sharpen that blade?
You told me to make
it blunt as possible.
That's right. I did, too.
He's right, Uncle.
I gave him my word.
I have been risk-drunk my entire life.
I always knew I'd end up here.
So, before I face the inevitable,
may the last use of my
hand be to shake yours?
For I know, you to be
a gentleman of honour
and you have taught me a lesson
that I will take to my grave.
(FAGIN COUGHS)
(OBJECTS RATTLING)
(CLEARS THROAT) Beg your pardon.
(STOMPS)
(STOMPS AND GRUNTS)
(STOMPING)
Got the cramps, have you?
Yeah, I get them.
(STOMPS)
Come on, then.
(CROWD CLAMOURING)
- You cheated.
- Cheated?
How dare you, sir? How?
I am not wearing a coat.
I have nothing up my sleeves.
Perhaps you should take off yours.
Yeah, maybe you should remove your
clobber as a gesture of goodwill.
Maybe it was all that
talk of Captain Gaines
and his terrible, awful, vicious,
violent brutalness that put
a dampener on your evening.
I think we should chuff off,
I'm sensing a few hostilenesses.
Thank you, gentlemen.
Come, my wild mare.
Yes, I seen it in your eyes.
The old Dodger, none of that toff talk.
No, you saw nothing.
Yes, I did. It was there.
The thrill, the danger, you live
for it. It's like a craving with you.
It was there from the very
first day I unwrapped you
from that swaddling cloth
and took you under me wing.
You told me I was naked and shivering.
Well, this was after I
wrapped you. It's all one.
- Tonight was fun.
- Yeah.
So, here we are, a team
again. Father and son.
No. That was my last caper.
Now, I am back to being a surgeon.
Nothing in this country
that don't bite ya.
(BREATHING RAGGEDLY)
(MAN COUGHING IN DISTANCE)
(BELLE SIGHS)
He's dying, isn't he?
(TINKLER GROANS)
BELLE: What can we do?
Hold his hand and see
him into the next life.
(TINKLER SHUDDERS)
MONKS: I hear your boy's
got himself in some trouble?
You mind your ears and stop talking.
You need to focus on the task ahead.
For which we needs the Dodge.
- Don't cock this up, Fagin.
- You'll have him.
I just need to win
back the boy's favour.
There's still a few old wounds.
MONKS: So, when can we
have him in our embrace?
Make a move on the ochre?
When I say.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)