The Chinaboy Show (2017) s01e02 Episode Script
Episode 2
1 (DANCE MUSIC POUNDS) Hey, what's wrong, bro? Oh, nothing.
Just greasing off the guys who hit on Stacy.
I got to protect her.
I didn't know you two were dating.
- No, we're not, but I like her.
- Oh, right.
I like her too, bro.
- That's gangsta.
- Gangsta.
Yo! It's the Dim Sim Gang.
- Where are the boys? - Hit them up on a group chat.
Hurry.
They're still outside looking for a guest list.
It's $5 cheaper.
Well, if it isn't the Vietnamese gang.
Are youse guys on a date? Are you guys on a gang bang? Are you looking at my girl Stacy? - Is she your girlfriend? - No.
But I like her.
- I like her too.
- I like her too.
You wanna fight for her? Let's go, man.
(SNAPS FINGERS) My boys are here.
Did you bring the machetes? Come on.
Are you ready? Let's go! Come on.
OK.
(CRACKS NECK) Let's get this party started! Hold me back, boys.
Hold me back.
Come on.
(CRACKS NECK) Let's do this.
Hold up.
A bit softer.
Hold me back, boys! Yeah, come on! Yeah.
Hold me back! (HUMS) - Hi, Mum.
- Oh, hello! Ohh! Oooh.
Like hugging a fat panda.
You hungry? You're hungry.
I make you food! Come on, eat.
- No, no, I've already eaten.
- Ah-ah-ah! - I'm full.
- You eat.
I'll just have some tea.
Oh, good idea.
You need diet so you can get boyfriend.
(LAUGHS) So, Mum .
.
I actually have some news to share with you.
Oh, what is it? Well, you know how I've been conducting research for different strands of proteins that can suppress cancerous tumours? Oh, with the handsome boy, yeah? Yeah.
Yeah.
The committee has reviewed my work and they're going to give me an award for it! That's great, but (SIGHS) Do you have boyfriend yet? Mum, I am curing cancer, and all you care about is a boyfriend? But why no boyfriend? Mum, I am curing cancer! So? Mum, what is wrong with you?! Nothing.
What's wrong with you? Mum, I am curing cancer! You having no children is cancer.
Come on.
Bring it, bro.
Let's go.
- Oh! - Hey! Get your filthy Dim Sim fingers off me, jigger.
Oh, (BLEEP!) Is that Park Im Chow? - It is him.
- Who's he? He owns the club, man.
Boys! Hide your tattoos.
Dress code.
Don't want to get banned.
Pussies.
Don't make me bottle you with this Corona.
That's cheap! I'll bottle you with this bottle of Malibu.
Nice girl drink, bro.
Suits you.
Oi! Bring out the Henney.
Let you know how it feels to be balling.
Gangsta.
Anyong-haseyo.
You like K Pop? I can be your kimchi, girl.
Oi! Kim Jong Small Dong! Heard you guys got the smallest dicks in the world.
- (LAUGHTER) - What did you say? It's true.
There was a survey.
What survey? MAN: Konnichiwa! MEN: Ohayo.
Did someone say something about small dicks?! (BLEEP!) I spoke too soon.
Cooking, cooking Cooking Da-da-da.
Brrp! (GIGGLES) - Hi, Mum.
- Oh! This is Toby.
Oh, hello! This your boyfriend? Yeah.
We've been dating for a few weeks now.
Ahh! White boy.
Nice.
But But what? Why no husband? Mum.
We've only been dating for a few weeks.
(SIGHS HEAVILY) (SIGHS MELODRAMATICALLY) (SIGHS AGAIN) OK.
(SIGHS MELODRAMATICALLY) (SIGHS LOUDLY, MOANS) What's wrong? But why no husband?! Hey, don't forget us.
Anyone call a cab? (HORN BEEPS) - No.
- (BLEEP!) It's the Cambodians.
No, we are the Indian Ganger.
(BOLLYWOOD-STYLE MUSIC) You're not Asian.
Well, technically, India is a part of Asia.
Alright, let's do this.
A big Asian gang bang! I mean fight, big fight.
Alright, let's go! Hold me back! Hold me back! - Come on.
- OK, everyone out! You're all banned.
(ALL GROAN) Hey! Ahh So when are we going to jump these losers? Bro, this is my favourite pho restaurant.
I don't want to get banned.
More chilli, please.
Just greasing off the guys who hit on Stacy.
I got to protect her.
I didn't know you two were dating.
- No, we're not, but I like her.
- Oh, right.
I like her too, bro.
- That's gangsta.
- Gangsta.
Yo! It's the Dim Sim Gang.
- Where are the boys? - Hit them up on a group chat.
Hurry.
They're still outside looking for a guest list.
It's $5 cheaper.
Well, if it isn't the Vietnamese gang.
Are youse guys on a date? Are you guys on a gang bang? Are you looking at my girl Stacy? - Is she your girlfriend? - No.
But I like her.
- I like her too.
- I like her too.
You wanna fight for her? Let's go, man.
(SNAPS FINGERS) My boys are here.
Did you bring the machetes? Come on.
Are you ready? Let's go! Come on.
OK.
(CRACKS NECK) Let's get this party started! Hold me back, boys.
Hold me back.
Come on.
(CRACKS NECK) Let's do this.
Hold up.
A bit softer.
Hold me back, boys! Yeah, come on! Yeah.
Hold me back! (HUMS) - Hi, Mum.
- Oh, hello! Ohh! Oooh.
Like hugging a fat panda.
You hungry? You're hungry.
I make you food! Come on, eat.
- No, no, I've already eaten.
- Ah-ah-ah! - I'm full.
- You eat.
I'll just have some tea.
Oh, good idea.
You need diet so you can get boyfriend.
(LAUGHS) So, Mum .
.
I actually have some news to share with you.
Oh, what is it? Well, you know how I've been conducting research for different strands of proteins that can suppress cancerous tumours? Oh, with the handsome boy, yeah? Yeah.
Yeah.
The committee has reviewed my work and they're going to give me an award for it! That's great, but (SIGHS) Do you have boyfriend yet? Mum, I am curing cancer, and all you care about is a boyfriend? But why no boyfriend? Mum, I am curing cancer! So? Mum, what is wrong with you?! Nothing.
What's wrong with you? Mum, I am curing cancer! You having no children is cancer.
Come on.
Bring it, bro.
Let's go.
- Oh! - Hey! Get your filthy Dim Sim fingers off me, jigger.
Oh, (BLEEP!) Is that Park Im Chow? - It is him.
- Who's he? He owns the club, man.
Boys! Hide your tattoos.
Dress code.
Don't want to get banned.
Pussies.
Don't make me bottle you with this Corona.
That's cheap! I'll bottle you with this bottle of Malibu.
Nice girl drink, bro.
Suits you.
Oi! Bring out the Henney.
Let you know how it feels to be balling.
Gangsta.
Anyong-haseyo.
You like K Pop? I can be your kimchi, girl.
Oi! Kim Jong Small Dong! Heard you guys got the smallest dicks in the world.
- (LAUGHTER) - What did you say? It's true.
There was a survey.
What survey? MAN: Konnichiwa! MEN: Ohayo.
Did someone say something about small dicks?! (BLEEP!) I spoke too soon.
Cooking, cooking Cooking Da-da-da.
Brrp! (GIGGLES) - Hi, Mum.
- Oh! This is Toby.
Oh, hello! This your boyfriend? Yeah.
We've been dating for a few weeks now.
Ahh! White boy.
Nice.
But But what? Why no husband? Mum.
We've only been dating for a few weeks.
(SIGHS HEAVILY) (SIGHS MELODRAMATICALLY) (SIGHS AGAIN) OK.
(SIGHS MELODRAMATICALLY) (SIGHS LOUDLY, MOANS) What's wrong? But why no husband?! Hey, don't forget us.
Anyone call a cab? (HORN BEEPS) - No.
- (BLEEP!) It's the Cambodians.
No, we are the Indian Ganger.
(BOLLYWOOD-STYLE MUSIC) You're not Asian.
Well, technically, India is a part of Asia.
Alright, let's do this.
A big Asian gang bang! I mean fight, big fight.
Alright, let's go! Hold me back! Hold me back! - Come on.
- OK, everyone out! You're all banned.
(ALL GROAN) Hey! Ahh So when are we going to jump these losers? Bro, this is my favourite pho restaurant.
I don't want to get banned.
More chilli, please.