The Couple Next Door (2023) s01e02 Episode Script

1
Morning.
Are you OK?
Cup of tea?
Ah!
You two were spotted by a colleague
riding your bikes
when you weren't on a shift.
And what were you doing in Holbeck?
Don't bullshit me.
On a job, ma'am. Just heading back.
In the complete opposite direction
to the station?
No, we were actually heading
to South Leeds station, ma'am,
on a social,
and we were just running a bit late.
Oh. Cos your colleague thought
you were in convoy.
Convoy? No.
Police bikes are the property
of this unit.
They're not used
for you to ride about town
like a couple of
pissy little new recruits,
ferrying you to random social events
when you're off duty.
Of course, ma'am. I expect better.
It won't happen again, ma'am.
No, it won't,
or you'll be facing a disciplinary.
Got it? Yes, ma'am.
Got away with that, mate!
We could have been caught,
you prick!
Yeah, all right! Keep your hair on!
I guess that means you're out, then.
Got that right.
That's a shame.
Good money to be made - for anyone
with the balls to do it.
Miss, did you see me
do a handstand?
I did, Molly. You were amazing!
Miss, are you sad about your baby?
A little bit. Yeah.
Me, too.
Maybe you could have another one.
Yeah, maybe.
They're really cut up about it.
And they sent you
as celestial messenger.
You know they're not good
at this kind of thing,
butthey're hurting, Evie.
Bloody hell, Rach!
Do you think I'm not?
I am done with this judgment!
I am done with this love that comes
with conditions attached!
If they want to patch things up
with me, they can do it themselves.
Hi! Hi, gorgeous!
Hiya, love! You all right?
Nice to see you! You, too!
This is my sister Rachel.
This is Becka. Hello!
It's lovely to meet you!
Sorry, I'm probably quite sweaty. I
was just taking the girls for a run.
Can I tell you what a joy it is
to have your sister on the street?
She's an absolute babe!
I have to go, though.
Oh, yeah. Catch them up!
Wow!
"Absolute babe!"
Who was that?
It's my neighbour. She's great.
Really?
She doesn't seem your type.
You are just like them, aren't you?
You are so judgmental!
I didn't mean it like that, Evie.
I was
Becka has been more of a support
to me than any of you lot.
I'm really sorry.
I'm sorry.
Come on. Let's head back.
Can we not do this on the doorstep?
You can pay me direct debit
if you like,
but then you'd have
to tell your missus.
Can I come in?
One step at a time.
I need to know I can rely on you,
andI need more than this.
I'm doing my best, Lena.
It's no reason to not let me in.
No, I'm not. No. Not yet.
Let's not part on bad terms.
No, I really don't want to.
Come here!
It'll be OK.
It's not that. It's not
I need to tell you something,
and I'mI'm dreading it.
What is it?
Rachel, just tell me
what's going on.
I'm pregnant.
What?
That's amazing news!
I was so worried about telling you.
Don't be silly!
That is the best news ever!
I'm so happy for you both!
How far along are you?
Just over three months.
We wanted to wait
till we'd had the scans,
just to make sure that
everything was OK.
And it will be.
It will be.
Thank you!
A baby is always a blessing.
You are both blessed.
God! I'm good! Hmm?
Check this out.
What am I looking at?
This company -
Colossus Building Supplies.
Registered to an Eddie Smallwood,
also a co-director
of Robbie Spencer's parent company.
Head office is here in Leeds.
Er, so?
SoEddie Smallwood
..doesn't exist.
Or if he does, he's hiding.
No Facebook profile,
no internet presence,
no bank records, no home address.
Mm.
Oh! Nice!
Nice!
What?
OK, why would Spencer have
a co-director who doesn't exist?
Well, why don't we take a look
at the mythical Mr Smallwood's
head office and find out?
Oh, look at you, Sherlock Holmes!
All right. If you don't want to be
my Watson, I'll find someone else.
Oh!
Wait, wait! Are we?
What? Are we going now?
Afternoon, Alan.
Gloria.
Say good afternoon, Mr Snuffles.
I don't think they're in.
Hey! Hey.
Yeah, we were just wondering
if you're free tomorrow, but
Are you OK?
Yeah, yeah. Come in.
So, Olly's on sleepover tomorrow
and the forecast is good,
so we're thinking of going to the
seaside, if you fancy joining us.
Wow! Um
Yeah.
Yeah, thatthat sounds lovely.
You feeling all right?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Do you ever feel like you just don't
know who you are any more?
Like you're driving into the
darkness and you just can't stop?
Sorry! Sorry.
You must think I'm crazy.
No.
No, actually, I really get it.
Do you?
God! You've no idea!
Every day I do
..I do something
I don't understand.
Evie, you'd be crazy
if you didn't feel like that
after what you've been through.
Well, what do you do
when that feeling comes up?
I bury it,
ignore it, hope it goes away.
But Pete - I mean,
he likes to talk about things
Oh. ..get things out in the air,
and I just don't.
I am a firm believer
in the power of bottling things up!
Bury it deep
and get on with your life.
Thank you.
And yes to tomorrow.
It sounds lovely.
Yeah.
Well
..I'd better get going.
Yeah.
Why don't we do something nice
this weekend?
I said we'd go to the coast
with the neighbours.
They're very keen.
We said we wanted to make friends,
babe, and we have.
All right.
I saw Rach.
Cool.
She's pregnant.
Oh, Evie Isn't that lovely news?
Babe, are you OK about that?
Yeah.
But But nothing.
We should be very happy for them.
What the hell? Wow!
Borrowed it from a friend.
Yeah, it's nice. Check it out.
Wow! Yeah. Good? It's amazing!
What have we got there?
Travelling in style.
I really like it here. Yeah.
It's weird that you picked this spot.
It's the exact spot I used
to come with my parents.
Oh.
Yeah.
Happy memories?
OK.
Let's go and have some wine.
You know, this was my dad's
only concession to a holiday,
and he hated every second of it.
Honestly, he would sit
on a deckchair over there
and he would count the minutes
till he could go home to the farm.
Did he not ever play with you?
Goodness, no. Thank you.
Little kids - far too full of sin.
Oh, yeah, we were never doing what
we were told. Always being naughty.
No offence but
..your old man sounds like
a right piece of work.
Yeah, he is. No fun in my childhood.
But I am trying
to make up for that now.
Good. Hey, we do all right.
Ah, we do.
And it's all this one's fault.
Yeah, so there was I,
a fresher at uni,
desperate to escape the church,
and into these sinful arms I fell.
Sorry, not sorry.
Anyone?
Oh, go on, Pete. Go on.
Come on.
Game on. Oh, Pete!
Oh, come on.
Oh, here we go.
Come on. Yeah.
Now we're talking.
Ooh, he caught it. Not bad.
Thought I couldn't catch?
Oh, yeah, what about that?
You think this is for our benefit?
I am afraid it might be. Mm-hm.
Ready?
Aargh. Oh!
Yes!
Fuck.
Why are men such show-offs?
Well, there's an evolutionary theory.
Ah? Yeah.
Yeah, it's so that the, uh,
the female of the species,
they notice them
and they can't resist
their masculine prowess.
Right.
Oh. On the head!
Oh! Ah! Fuck!
Yes! I knew there was another one.
All right, here you go. Oh!
So, Evie Mm-hm?
Was Pete your only boyfriend?
Yes, my He was my
my only serious one.
Only sexual one
Pete! ..she means.
You must think I'm such a saddo.
No, I think it's admirable -
you knew exactly what you wanted.
What about you two?
Well Um
I was in a relationship when we met.
Ooh. That's awkward.
Well, it was and it wasn't.
It was a non-monogamous
relationship.
Andhow did that work?
Sorry if, uh
I mean, I'm just curious, so
Well, we, dated each other,
but we also saw other people,
as long as we were clear
on the boundaries.
And did it work?
It did.
Until Danny. Um
I think my ex realised that he was
more possessive than he thought,
and he asked me to choose,
and I did.
And how did you feel
about that set-up?
Pete, will you stop being
so flipping nosy?
No, don't be daft. It's fine.
I'm glad you're interested.
What do you want to know?
Well, what did it?
What did it feel like
being with someone who
who didn't want to be monogamous?
Confusing at first, but
..then I spent more time with Becks
and got my head around it and
..realised we'd both
be much happier.
Now, here we are,
still happily non-monogamous.
Wow.
You still just date
whoever you want?
No, we realised that dating
other people wasn't for us.
Mm-hm. In Becka's fantasy world,
everyone would be able
to date whoever they like,
whenever they like,
without consequence.
Yeah.
Yeah, right.
And, look, to answer your question,
for us, well, we're allowed to
play with other people
as long as we're both present.
And is that cos you think
monogamy is afalse construct?
It just It just didn't work
for us.
I would never judge
anybody's choices.
Doesn't stop them judging us, sadly.
Oh, I hope I hope you don't
think we're Yeah.
..judging you. We I mean,
we don't have to talk about it.
No, not at all. I mean,
I really like talking about it.
I think
I think it can be
a really healthy way to live.
I mean, our neighbours
might not think so.
They're They're really
lovely people. Oh.
No, I get it. They're nosy buggers.
Every time I go out, I feel like
they're twitching their curtains.
Right? Oh, my God, I thought
it was just me being paranoid.
It's like I can never escape them.
And now the guy at number 37
has started taking my yoga classes.
Did he now? Mm-mm.
Look, it's
It's an OK place to live.
I'm not saying that it isn't.
Well, we promise not
to twitch our curtains at you.
Oh, darling,
you can twitch all you like.
Ah, now, she probably means that.
Am I right? I do.
Yeah, she does. I knew it!
Let's say we smoke this,
go back to t'camper van,
get the party started?
This day is getting better
by the minute.
Isn't it, Pete? Yeah.
Oh! Mmm.
Alan?
What would you like
for lunch, love?
I don't mind.
OK, well, it won't be long.
I'll be down in a minute.
Thanks for waiting.
Yes, that date is available.
We'll send an engineer
to assess the property
before we install the stairlift.
Oh, that sounds wonderful.
Thanks. Let's get that booked in,
shall we?
Of course. Will do now.
See you then.
Come on, then, darling.
That's gone straight to my head.
I feel like we're hanging out
with two horny teenagers.
We are.
Are you having fun, though?
I am.
I love you, Evie.
Why? What's wrong?
Nothing. Can't I just tell you?
Oi, come on!
I'm coming.
Oh, yes!
Who wants the last one? Go on.
Oh, my God.
Go on, then. Just a bite.
I'll just have a bite.
All right, Petey? Mm-hm.
Oh, yeah! Mmm, does it get
any better than this?
Ah, well, now,
there is one thing missing.
Mm-mm?
Tequila! Whoo!
Yes, come on. Right?
No way. Salut.
That's not fair.
Becka's got to drive.
Oh, no, no, darling.
I am high on life.
Go on, Pete. No way!
Eh, gringo, you want tequila?
Petey, Petey, Petey
I'm not drinking tequila
in the middle of the afternoon.
Um, anyway, where was I? Um
Yes, that's what All
All I'm saying is that
we shouldn't say birdbrain,
because birds are
actually incredibly smart.
Birds are smart.
It doesn't make sense.
Are you a?
Are you a bird watcher, mate?
Aah! Peter, Peter
I bet I bet you are.
Whoo! OK, Becks. All right, babe.
Whoa!
It's going everywhere!
There you go.
Oh, fucking hell, there you go.
Come on!
Come on.
Come on. Yeah.
Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on, Pete.
She's here. Yes!
Whoo!
Right.
- Another drink?
- Yeah.
Well, all right.
Oh, that's great. Yes! We made it.
Oh, look at the state
of you.
Gosh. Oh, what a day.
You're welcome.
Here you go, mate.
Take your man-bag.
Thank you so much! You're welcome.
That was amazing.
Nice one. It was great, thanks.
Bye.
Thanks. See you later. Come on.
Oh, my God!
Day drinking has finished me.
Aw! I was gonna suggest
another littlenightcap.
Oh, you're not serious?
Come on, Petey. We have got
so much to talk about!
That was quite the revelation.
Hmm. I knew, you know.
Well, I
I'd seen them have visitors
and I'd maybe
..glimpsed something.
You never told me that!
Ah. Iwasn't sure.
Oh.
It's funny, isn't it -
what we don't tell each other?
Is it?
We're pretty open.
Oh, come on!
Think about all the discussions
we have never had.
Like what?
Have you ever fantasised about me
and another woman at the same time?
What? You couldn't wait
to ask Becka all these questions.
Well, I was justfascinated.
Yeah, clearly.
Have you ever thought about
..acting on that fascination?
Bloody hell, Evie. I don't know.
Are you saying this is something
you'd actually want to try?
I don't know. I don't know.
That's what's crazy -
is that I've never actually
thought about it.
We've never even talked about it
in all these years.
I guess I just never questioned it.
Well, maybe we should start
questioning it.
What are you saying?
I'm not enough for you?
Course you are.
OK. Well
What? What do you want?
Like, what?
What are youfantasising about?
Let's find out.
Hmm.
That was a lot of fun.
It was.
I know you too well.
What? Not guilty.
Not with friends.
God! You know what?
I am so bored of the rules.
We've gotten so suburban.
We used to be wild and spontaneous,
and I miss that.
I miss those freedoms.
And, you know,
she was all over you. Mm-hm.
And I have a raging hard-on
for a bookish intellectual type.
Mmm.
Becks, they've had a rough time.
Could be dangerous. In what way?
It could get messy with friends.
Well, I thought you lived
for a bit of danger.
I'm serious.
I like 'em. So do you.
So don't jeopardise it.
I'm not jeopardising anything.
No, the rules are there
for a reason.
They work, so
..let's stick to 'em.
OK.
I should issue you a ticket.
What for?
Bin's causing obstruction.
To whom?
Other residents.
Yeah, well I pick litter on
the street every day
to keep our neighbourhood
Bins out on bin day only.
You serious?
Deadly.
OK.
Oh, and, uh
..stop going to my wife's yoga
classes and perving over her.
How dare you?
I was doing nothing of the sort.
I'm a I'm a happily married man.
Oh.
You got a sudden interest in yoga?
Am Am I not allowed to try
and stay fit?
Is that a crime?
This is a free country
and I will go to whatever class
I want.
Is that right?
Fucking creep.
Well, at least they're open
this time.
Only two reasons you run
a business under a fake name.
Mm-hm. You're either creaming off
the profits
or you're money laundering.
Exactly. Mm-hm.
What is with the security, though?
And armed.
Like that's legal.
It's a timberyard, not a bank.
Exactly.
Uh, random question.
Yeah?
You know anyone
in an open relationship?
Um
..yeah.
Yeah, loads of my mates, actually,
um
In fact, three of them
are in a throuple.
Meaning?
What do you mean, meaning?
Meaning there's three
of them, not two, Grandad.
And how does that work?
I don't bloody know,
but apparently it does, so
Not your vibe?
Sorry. That was, um
That was very personal.
No. What? No, it's
Look, I'm I'm bi, but I'm also
an old-fashioned saddo
who only has room in her heart
for one person at a time.
There you go. That's just me.
I didn't know you were, um
I mean, it's It's cool.
Obviously. Um
OK. Well, um
..thank you for the blessing,
boomer,
I feel really sexually validated
right now.
Bloody hell. That's Spencer.
Are those guys cops?
I think we should drive on.
Where'd you get these from, then?
One of Robbie's lot sorted 'em
Ah.
Look, fake number plates, the lot.
Oh.
Christ.
Think of the money.
Five grand each.
We'll be home in no time.
Come on, admit it.
Like clockwork, right?
Yeah, I told you - stay sharp.
Get back in position.
OK, all right, all right.
Keep your pants on.
Heads-up.
There's a vehicle on
the wrong side of the road.
I'm gonna check it out.
Yeah, copy that, mate. Eyes on.
Fuck. Fuck!
Clear.
Clear.
Evie?