The Crew (2021) s01e02 Episode Script

[car engines roaring]
[announcer] And there's the white flag.
Austin Dillon's holding the lead
with one lap to go.
- Good track bar adjustment.
- Fastest lap of the day.
Good race, buddy. Bring it home safe now.
[Jake] Hey, tell Jim I'm sorry
I ran him down in that last pit stop.
He was the only one in the crew
you hadn't hit. He was feeling left out.
Weren't we hoping for better than 23rd?
Well, you know,
Harvick spun him out in stage one,
so he fought his way back. It's not bad.
Well, your dad doesn't buy you a pony
'cause you did "not bad."
- [tires screeching, crashing]
- [announcer] Big trouble in turn three.
- [Chuck] Where is he? What's happening?
- [Catherine] What's going on?
[announcer] …22 as well.
They're all collected.
- Smoke everywhere.
- Go high, Jake. Go high!
- Did he make it through?
- Jake, are you okay? Talk to me.
[Jake] Did you guys see that?
That was sick!
My reflexes are stupid.
I guess everything matches.
All right. We're gonna finish last.
- How many cars finished?
- Nine.
- Top ten, baby! Yeah!
- Oh! [yelps]
Great race, Jake.
That was your best finish since Texas.
How you feeling?
Oh…
[mouthing]
Oh! Feels like I'm ready for a full rack
of ribs from Big Hoof Barbeque.
By the way, the Cajun lime dry rub is back
for a limited time only.
Okay, but how were you feeling
during that wreck?
I just took a deep breath
and kept driving.
And for those
who can't take a deep breath,
the good folks at Symbicort make America's
number one long-acting bronchodilator.
Okay, on to Pocono next week.
How do you strategize?
How do you prepare for that?
I guess, get a good night's sleep
in a Gander RV,
stay hydrated with delicious Coca-Cola,
uh, save 15% off
of my auto insurance with GEICO,
and scratch my left nipple.
So close.
[theme music playing]
It's 9:00 a.m.
Why are all these people in my garage?
Catherine thought it'd be a good idea
to start every Monday with a team meeting.
And I'm smiling while I say it
'cause she could be anywhere.
Team meeting?
That's the biggest waste of time
since my ex-wife
threw me that intervention.
It was a good party, though.
Oh, yeah, it was a great party.
Once she left.
Catherine's new here.
We'll let her have her little meeting.
You know what?
She'll end up punching herself out,
and everything is gonna be fine.
- Jake's not complaining.
- That's 'cause he's sleeping.
I got some industrial tape
if y'all wanna rip his eyebrows off.
Then we can just draw 'em back on.
No. Last time we did that,
we went too straight.
He looked like Bert from Sesame Street.
I'm not sleeping. I was waiting
for someone to notice my new sunglasses.
How badass are these?
- Really?
- [Kevin] Come on, man.
Unless you have a guide dog,
take them off inside, would you?
Good morning, everyone.
Welcome to our new Monday morning meeting.
[both clap]
Congrats to everyone for a top ten finish,
which takes us up from 29th
to 27th in the standings.
- [man] Whoo! There we go!
- Yeah!
- There we go. That's you!
- [all cheering]
And as a thank-you to everyone
for a great week,
I ordered a couple fruit bouquets
from Edible Arrangements.
Oh, I love those. Thank you so much.
[scoffs] Such a kiss-ass.
I think we can build off this.
There's nothing stopping us
from being a top ten team
by the end of the season.
[Kevin] Mmm…
Top 15.
Hey…
Top 20.
Jake can make top 20. Right, Jake?
No. Now he's sleeping.
We had a good race, but I wanna make sure
we're building a winning team.
So, I'm gonna set up times for me
to interview each and every one of you.
But we've already got the jobs.
Haven't we been hired?
Oh, yes. Yeah. Absolutely.
I mean, technically, my dad hired you.
Just think of this
as a friendly conversation,
where you're probably fine.
Great meeting.
Kev, what is happening?
Why are we being interviewed?
This is the best cantaloupe I've ever had.
It's the first I've heard about it.
Everything's gonna be fine.
You gotta do me a favor.
Stop eating it like that.
You look like an ugly baby breastfeeding.
Hey, Beth. Would you mind
setting up those interviews?
We can get mine out of the way right now.
I'm Kevin.
My strength is pretty much everything.
My weakness? Kryptonite.
Put Superman's interview first.
Look, I really appreciate you trying
to get to know everybody,
but when you call them interviews,
people get the idea
they might not get the job.
Yes. That's why I chose that word.
If I wanted to hang out,
I'd invite them to my office
for a playdate.
So you wanna start today?
No. I've got Rob Walton,
our sponsor from Big Hoof, coming in.
Why didn't you tell me Rob's coming?
Okay, you're at an 11.
I need you to bring it down to a two.
That's not an 11.
Eleven was when you replaced my desk chair
with a yoga ball.
That's what it was.
And your posture has never been better.
Okay.
Look, uh, with all due respect,
you may want me to run point on this one.
I'm gonna handle it
because I'm asking him for more money.
We're gonna tour the facilities.
I made reservations
at that new Asian fusion restaurant,
so after some wine
and a couple poke tacos,
he's gonna write me a big fat check.
I know him, and he's allergic
to everything you just said.
If this team's gonna win,
it's gonna take more money,
which means our partners need to step up.
Rob's already our biggest sponsor.
- How much revenue is he responsible for?
- 80%.
Did you make that up?
I did.
You give up fast.
Kevin, I'm gonna need you to support me.
And I do, all right?
But if you whip out the charts and graphs,
you'll lose him.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
We're in 29th place. It's broke.
- After yesterday, it's technically 27th.
- [Catherine] That's what the fruit's for.
Oh, and thank you for those.
They were so pretty and delicious.
[quietly] Who are you?
[rock music plays]
Hey, can you check
the length of the tie rod sleeves for me?
- Amir.
- Want me to goose him with the blowtorch?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'm working on my résumé.
Does overcoming my anxiety
count as a special skill?
Not until you do it.
I know you're nervous about the interview.
I'll help you prep later.
Focus on the engine now, okay?
Look what I found in the lobby.
Oh, Gibsie!
[both laughing]
Good to see you, man.
Gosh, I didn't know where you were.
- Behind her.
- Yes.
Look what I found.
Some Cuban fatties. I'm just not sure
what I should do with them.
Well, they're illegal,
and I don't want 'em in my shop,
so we should probably burn the evidence.
That is why I love you, my brother.
Don't you worry, Chuck Wagon.
I didn't forget about you.
[both grunt]
Oh! Nobody's ever done that.
Hiya. I'm Rob. Nice to meet you.
I'm Amir. We've met seven times.
We're friends on Facebook.
I donated to your horse rescue.
Okay then.
Rob, nice to finally meet you in person.
I'm Catherine Spencer.
Hot. Whoa!
If you're as smart
as you are pretty, we're in good shape.
[chuckles] Yeah, it was my looks
that got me into Stanford.
[Rob laughs]
This baby here got me into
Piedmont Valley Community College.
[Rob] Nice work.
You two get back to work,
and I'll show Rob
the chassis fabrication shop.
Let me guess,
it's a bunch of guys in coveralls,
banging pipes together,
listening to Skynyrd.
You've been there. Oh, okay.
Uh, we upgraded the software on the
Next.
- The hauler?
- Don't care.
- How does lunch sound?
- Now we're getting warmer.
- There's this great Asian fusion place
- No, there's not.
Kevin. Kevin.
I'm… I'm having a brain fart.
That place Bobby used to take us
- Yeah. He wants to go to the Pit Stop.
- Yeah, yeah.
- Why don't we go to the Pit Stop, Rob?
- Way to read the room, Cat.
- Oh, I prefer Catherine.
- Oh, I don't. I'm a nickname guy.
You. You're coming with.
No, no, no.
You and Cat… therine should, uh,
just talk some business,
talk shop, have fun.
That's what I'm trying to avoid.
Come on, Gibsie.
Let's have an assload of ribs
and kill a deer.
[rock music plays]
Hey. You wanted to see me?
Yes. I wanna make sure you're not nervous
about your interview tomorrow.
Nervous is an elevator
with someone I don't know.
This is that same elevator,
but it's full of squids,
and the squids are holding knives.
You're gonna be fine.
We're lucky to have you here.
You're the smartest guy I know.
I know who you know.
I'm terrible at one-on-one interactions.
How do you usually handle it?
I panic and I say, "Oh, my crown broke,"
and then I run out of the room.
- [laughs] That has never worked.
- It worked on Kevin to get this job.
It worked when I proposed to my wife.
Wait. Didn't you break a crown last year
when I tried to sell you
my niece's Girl Scout cookies?
It worked on you.
All right. Let's practice.
Welcome, Amir. I'm Catherine.
I went to Stanford.
You might know that
'cause I mention it every half hour.
- [chuckles] She does say that a lot.
- [Beth giggles]
I know, right? Okay. Um…
As chief engineer, uh,
what are your responsibilities?
Uh, well, I work with the computers.
Although, sometimes it does feel like
I work for the computers.
That's a joke.
You know, I'm obviously in charge.
Until the robot revolution, in which case,
I think I'd be useful to them.
I'm gonna stop you right there. [scoffs]
You sound insane, and you look like
you're trying to land a plane.
- What are you talking about?
- Your hands.
That's literally the last thing
I was worried about
Oh, no. Look at them go. They're
Just, uh, try putting your hands
in your pockets while you talk.
Oh, I like this.
[gasps] This is great.
I feel so much calmer.
- There you go.
- And I found a mint.
Or a Xanax. Either way, it can only help.
[crunching]
Mm. No, it's a pebble.
[rock music plays]
Hendrick, Gibbs, Stewart-Haas.
Those are the big dogs.
We could sit here passively
and do nothing,
or we can activate our team
with the right resources.
One of the things I learned at Stanford
is you can't be reactive,
you have to be proactive.
Oh. I wish our waitress
was a little more proactive.
Maybe you should show her
your little PowerPoint.
You know what? Why don't I pause this
and get us another round?
- Okay. I can get it.
- No. I'm already up.
As long as you're up,
can you check on the tater tots and wings?
Yes.
- Gibsie, she's killing me.
- Yeah. I know.
I'm almost dead and gone.
If she says "activate" one more time,
I'm gonna activate my forehead
right through that wall.
Okay. Don't do it.
You'll knock yourself out, you'll wake up,
and she'll still be talkin'.
Look, she means well, all right?
She wants to make the team better,
which is good for us.
Okay, fine.
But let's at least make it interesting.
So, every time
she does say "activate," you drink.
- I can't. She's my boss, all right?
- Come on.
Listen, things are tense right now.
- I enjoy these trips.
- I know you do.
- Gibsie.
- Yes.
You and me and Bobby, living it up.
- You kissing my ass.
- [Kevin] Always.
- Laughing at all my jokes.
- [chuckles] That was a good one.
I'm… I'm… I'm not sponsoring a team
so that I can get
the hard sell from Little Miss CEO.
If this isn't fun anymore,
I'm just not gonna do it.
- I'm not gonna do it.
- We'll do it.
We'll do it, okay?
We'll have fun. We'll play your game.
- [Rob] Play my game?
- Yes.
Just to make it fair,
I'm gonna drink on "resource," "synergy,"
and because I'm feelin' generous,
"Stanford."
Let's go easy. Be cool.
I don't wanna hurt her feelings.
Ha! "Oh, my name is Kevin,
and I care about feelings."
All right, here you go.
And our waitress apologizes.
Ryan Blaney grabbed your wings
off the bar before she picked them up.
What? Son of a bitch. Ryan Blaney.
Did he flip me off?
I think so.
That's a weird way to lick your fingers.
- Hey! What are you doing?
- We figured you had enough wings.
We just sat down.
No. We mean, like, in life.
Oh, hey, Austin, I didn't see you.
Why don't you hop on Blaney's shoulders
and come as one person?
I'm five-eight. That's average.
If you stand on your helmet, you are.
That helmet won the Daytona 500.
I just wanna have one meal
without you bringing that up, man.
All right. Uh…
Where were we?
Okay, we covered
where the team's positioned.
Okay, now, I think we can talk about,
um, what we can augment.
- [Rob] Drink?
- No.
What we really need to improve
our future chances is extra resources.
- To resources.
- Yeah.
So, I, uh, have a couple of ways I think
that we can activate our potential.
Okay.
Excuse me, Cat.
I missed that last sentence.
I was just saying that I was looking
for ways to activate our potential.
That's just so nice
to learn from you like this.
- [Kevin] She's brilliant.
- I'm a rookie.
- Yeah, okay.
- You're very smart.
You know where she went? Berkeley.
- That's where she learned it all.
- Oh, no. Stanford.
- [both] Ah.
- I went to Stanford.
That's in Connecticut, right?
No, that's Stamford. I went to Stanford.
- [Kevin] Mm-hm.
- [Rob] Mmm.
- [Kevin] There you go.
- Okay, come on.
Can't really catch my breath right now.
- [burps]
- What am I missing?
No. We're just messing around with you.
That's all.
No, something's obviously going on.
Every time you said
one of your fancy words,
like "activate," we had to drink. [laughs]
[Kevin] It was
[both laughing]
- Stop. It is a game.
- It's a game. We played it.
- We're being idiots.
- No, no.
- We're sorry.
- Sounds like fun.
We used to do stuff like that at Stanford.
- Ah.
- The game's over.
[laughs] Stop, all right? Come on.
- I'm sorry. We were messing around.
- No, no.
[chuckles] I was boring myself.
Now let's, uh, knock back some wings
and get out there and kill stuff.
- [Rob laughs]
- Those are ghost pepper.
Yep.
[rock music plays]
Hey, Chuck.
Amir was a little concerned
about his interview tomorrow.
- You okay?
- Peachy.
- Anything you wanna talk about?
- Nope.
Any butterflies in the tum-tum?
Well, that's something
you don't need to do again.
She's gonna wanna know what you do,
and you're gonna have
to tell her something.
I make the car run.
- Okay. What are your strengths?
- I make the car run.
Come on, Chuck!
She's the new boss.
You have to play the game a little.
No, I don't.
- Why not?
- Look around the garage.
You see anybody else here
who can make the car run?
You're on your own.
Look, if anybody's getting fired,
it's gonna be Jake.
You leave him alone
with just a picture of a woman,
eventually he's gonna hit on it.
That's true.
I saw him hit on a mannequin at Old Navy.
Hmm. Some of them mannequins
ain't half bad.
[rock music plays]
[birds chirping]
I'm gonna get the cooler.
Do not shoot me.
You're safe.
Not a lot of deer wearing mom jeans.
[Rob] I like shallow pockets.
- Kevin, what the hell?
- What?
I was joking.
I didn't know they were really mom jeans.
You've been undercutting me all day.
Look, I'm sorry
about the drinking game, okay?
But know what? You were losing him.
I was doing just fine.
Are you kidding me? You were dying.
There were buzzards
circling the conversation, picking at you.
Horrible.
I'm the only reason
he's still here, trust me.
This is not how normal business operates.
And if you think
I'm killing a defenseless animal,
you're crazy.
If you don't wanna kill something, fine.
Just point your gun the other way
and shoot.
But we're out here to do what Rob wants.
Yeah.
I just want this nightmare to be over.
Hope you guys have AAA.
I think I just locked the keys in the car.
- Spray some of that.
- Okay.
- Here.
- Thank you.
Oh! Ooh. This bug spray's horrible.
Well, that's because it's deer urine.
You're supposed to spray it
on the ground to attract the deer.
"Do not eat or get in eyes."
Check and check.
- No, don't touch your face!
- No, I'm fine.
- No. You got ghost pepper on your fingers.
- And deer piss.
[screams]
You got a second?
Check out the detail on this new update.
They even have
the hot dog girl on turn two.
Hey, Stephanie!
I wanna talk about the interview.
Just try talking to her
in a more soothing voice.
'Cause sometimes you sound a bit like
my grandma's fax machine.
Okay, she's not gonna interview me.
I'm the one setting them up.
She's interviewing you.
And you don't play Annie
in the fall spectacular
unless you have the voice of an angel.
I just had a top ten finish. I'm good.
That's true, but the way you talk
to women can be a little problematic.
I have no idea what you're talking about.
- You just hit on a video game.
- I'm simulating real race conditions.
No, no [groans]
I need you to focus.
If you flirt with Catherine
during the interview, she'll fire you.
I'm gonna ask you questions,
and I want you to answer them
without trying to get my phone number.
I haven't tried to get a number in years.
I'm famous and good-looking.
I just walk out of the house and point.
Catherine tried to replace you a week ago.
She's got Jessie ready to go
the instant you screw up.
I appreciate you trying to help,
but one-on-one, when I'm with a woman,
and they look into these eyes,
it's game over.
It's like I got massive boobs,
but on my face.
You have a Michelob on your right eye.
Can I trade you for a Busch Light?
- Oof.
- [Rob] Oy-oy-oy.
Is it bad?
I wouldn't say it looks bad.
Oh, that's jacked up.
Yeah, that's what I'd say.
Shh.
[softly] Deer.
[rifle cocks]
Oh, crap! This sight's gotta be off.
Yeah. You really live and die
by your equipment.
Same thing our team's going through.
- Not the time.
- Yes, it is.
Listen to Kevin.
Look, cards on the table,
you guys have been great,
but we need 20% more to stay competitive.
- Don't care.
- Hear me out. I… I just
[Rob shushes]
Deer.
Your shot.
Oh, no, go ahead. You're a guest.
Your shot.
Take your shot.
Okay…
[sighs, clears throat]
[fires]
Oops. I missed.
- So, as I was saying
- Oh, oh, oh.
Crap. Oh no, you didn't miss.
You just nailed a fawn.
Oh, it
- Is he okay? Let me see.
- Wait, no. You know what?
Let's let the mom
just have a moment alone.
Oh, God, what have I done?
You broke the law
by killing a baby deer, which is not good.
But I'd be lying if I told ya
I didn't wanna know what it tastes like.
- Thanks for staying and helping with this.
- Oh, it's my pleasure.
Full disclosure, I'm still on the clock.
Besides, nobody wants to be alone
after a long day of poaching.
They said they'd bury it,
but I'm pretty sure
it's on a tiny grill somewhere.
[groans]
"Place eyes over the spout
and turn the handle."
- [Catherine yelps]
- Oh!
"Slowly turn the handle."
Slowly. That's on me, sorry.
Oh, my eyes still hurt,
but my sinuses are clear. [chuckles]
Okay.
[groans]
Today couldn't have gone any worse.
Oh, as pathetic as it sounds,
this is actually the best part of my day.
I'm not sure you'd say that
if you could see yourself in the mirror.
The crazy part is,
and you might have noticed this,
I'm really good with people.
[Beth] Uh, yeah.
That's… that's what we've all been saying.
Yeah. Thank you.
[groans]
If all our sponsors are like this
You seem like a fighter.
This is just round one.
I'm glad you're here, Beth.
It's nice to have another woman
to talk to.
Thank you.
You can clock out now.
[rock music plays]
Good morning. You look much better.
Oh. Still kinda smelling
like a deer bachelor party.
- We all set for interviews?
- Absolutely.
[Catherine] Okay. Amir, you're first!
[Amir] Can't wait!
You've been with the company
for almost ten years.
If you had to give yourself a grade,
what would it be?
You obviously want me to say A, right?
But wouldn't that be arrogant?
So, I'm gonna go with B.
But, no. But then why wouldn't you
just hire an A, so, A.
A-. B? B+, but with perfect attendance.
Uh, okay. How do you plan
to get from a B+ to an A?
How do I plan That's a good que Uh…
I should've just said A.
Oh, I knew I should've said
Oh! Uh…
No, my jacket.
- Amir?
- [Amir] Yeah, one second.
[grunts]
I'm sorry. What was the question?
Hello.
Hi. Look, you and I got off
on the wrong foot.
You've proven you're fast.
What can you do to be more consistent?
Oh, I'm always consistent.
But I'm not always fast.
- What?
- Hello.
Jake, I need you to focus here.
This is an interview. I ask you questions,
and you answer them.
Oh. Okay.
If you wanna be part of this team,
I need to see real effort.
I can do that.
So, your reflexes are good,
but you can spend more time training.
Your lap times are up there,
but you can use practice in the simulator.
And your eyesight Your eyes are perfect.
[chuckles] Yeah.
[sighs] They are.
I knew we'd get there eventually.
You have a good day.
I got Chuck for you.
No. I don't need to talk to Chuck.
He's good. He makes the car run.
I tried to tell her.
But if you're available,
we could do yours.
Oh. I… I didn't think I needed one.
I thought we had a moment with the whole,
"I'm glad you're here."
Do you make the car run?
- I make the office run.
- Why don't you have a seat?
Of course.
So, Beth, you're the one
in charge of keeping the books, right?
- I am.
- Okay.
So, over the last three years,
there's $11,000 in miscellaneous expenses?
[chuckles] Oh. Yes, that. Miscellaneous.
I can see why you're asking that. Uh…
Since alcohol isn't tax-deductible,
when we go out for drinks
Not that that's often.
It's not like we're drunks.
Some of us drink
more than others, but not me.
I mean, not that I don't drink,
I don't have a problem.
I don't drink in the morning or anything.
Although, who doesn't love a good mimosa.
[chuckles]
Ow. I think I broke my crown.
Hey. How'd it go?
- Not good.
- The hands?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, they'll get you.
[whimpers]
Everything all right?
Her crown fell out.
She's going to the dentist.
Thief!
[sighs] So, sorry I'm late.
I got tied up saving the day.
By the way, if it makes you feel better,
you didn't kill a fawn.
- I didn't?
- Nope. You killed two.
Brother and sister. Hell of a shot.
- Why would that make me feel better?
- Two deer, one shot? That's epic.
You'll probably get a call
from Ted Nugent.
Anyway, after that, I went out with Rob,
we got drunk,
ended up at the Waffle House,
and I just cranked the charm up.
Guess what happened?
- You made out?
- Close.
He agreed to the 20% increase.
Boom!
Wait.
This is a receipt from the Waffle House.
I'm not paying for that out of pocket.
Just put it under miscellaneous.
- Eight hundred dollars?
- Nah, we did some damage.
- How many waffles did you eat?
- No. Property damage.
They need a new jukebox.
Side note, I love them,
but Rob does not care
for the Bell Biv DeVoe.
Well, congratulations.
Thank you.
By the way, in the future,
we can avoid situations like that
if you just trust the big dog.
Oh, well,
here's what I'm gonna trust you with now.
Go to Rob, and tell him that he's fired.
- You can't fire the hood sponsor.
- I can if I found another one.
But I got the money.
What are you talking about? You…
You're gonna get rid of him
just because you don't like Rob?
Oh, I hate Rob.
Everything about him. Total douche.
But that's not why I'm dropping him.
I'm dropping him
'cause he doesn't care about the team.
Every time I'd tell him
about what we need, he'd say, "Next!"
Plans for the future? "Don't care!"
- Well, let me talk to him then.
- No. I've made my decision. It's done.
You're gonna throw away this relationship
for a few extra bucks?
Well, actually, it's a little less.
But they're serious partners
with potential.
The better we do, the more they'll spend.
Not tying their investment
to how many tater tots
you can fit in your mouth
without dropping any.
It was a philosophical discussion.
There's gotta be something said
for loyalty.
[Catherine] Next!
- They've been our sponsor for 18 years.
- [Catherine] Don't care!
[theme music playing]