The Dukes of Hazzard s01e02 Episode Script
Daisy's Song
Hey, my name is Daisy.
And I want to be a star.
You think Daisy's been took? You're gonna need heIp, hoss.
He's got it.
Y'all better not go to the refrigerator now.
If that had been a wiId boar, you wouId have missed.
If that had been a wiId boar, he wouIdn't be in our back yard.
That ain't necessariIy so.
This is Bo and Luke Duke.
They're cousins.
They fight the system.
Any system.
This is Hazzard County where you never know what's gonna happen next.
Hey, everybody, Iisten! It's my song! Jessi CoIter is singing my song! Come on.
-What are you taIking about? -I wrote this song.
I wrote it! That's Cousin Daisy.
She works as a waitress, but aspires to better things.
Daisy can cause more trouble than a brand-new baby.
Uncle Jesse is the Duke patriarch.
His word is law usually obeyed out of love, but always obeyed.
-Who did you say that was singing? -It's Jessi CoIter.
And for all you folks ignorant of good music Jessi Colter is one of the world's best singers.
Well, l'm partial to June Carter, myself.
And that was Jessi Colter's latest on the Big 40 Country Hits AIbum.
I just can't beIieve it.
That sounded reaI good, Daisy.
It took me forever to write the notes down.
And after aII these years of writing songs I sent it to this music pubIisher, and now Jessi CoIter is singing it! That's great.
How much did they pay you? -The pay? -WeII, they did pay you.
No, I paid them.
That's the sort of business we ought to have.
There was a magazine ad where you pay $50, and they pubIish your song.
So I saved up aII my tip money tiII I had enough and I sent my song in, and I got this Ietter back saying it was pubIished.
Now, Daisy, some of those ads are for phony operations.
You think Daisy's been took? They got Daisy's song.
Jessi CoIter got a recording.
And Daisy's got $50 Iess than she had before.
That's took.
And $50 in nickeI tips ain't easy to come by.
When you record a song, you're supposed to get royaIties.
Where is this pubIishing company, anyway? It's Lester Starr Music PubIishing in AtIanta.
That pIace ain't been right since Sherman burned it.
Come on, I'II bet this Mr.
Starr just made an oversight.
Think we ought to go in to AtIanta and check it out? Maybe you ought to.
But you gotta remember, boys you gotta give them city peopIe the benefit of the doubt.
It ain't right to take advantage of them just because they don't know no better.
So just keep it simpIe.
General Lee was their racing car.
They built him from the wheels up.
Although they had another car when the boys expected trouble, they drove the General.
Which meant they drove him a lot.
Now, why can't I go with you? It's my song.
-Because Jesse toId us to handIe it.
-Okay.
But y'aII be carefuI now.
Smell like the law, don't it? Jojo, that stuff ready for the pressing pIant yet? Is that stuff ready for the pressing pIant yet? NearIy done.
I'm expecting some hot tracks, ripped off in NashviIIe.
They're coming in today, and I want them on this run.
-Mr.
Starr.
-Yeah, what is it? -There are two boys here to see you.
-Send them in.
Hi, guys.
Dodie.
Come on in, feIIas.
Come in.
Good to see you.
I guess you want me to hear your song, right? Wrong.
Sheet music? You write your own music? Heavy! Our Cousin Daisy wrote it.
-This has my company's name on it.
-That's what we came to taIk to you about.
We heard Jessi CoIter singing it on the radio.
No kidding? How about that? We was just wondering about the royaIties.
RoyaIties? Funny.
It was recorded.
Wasn't there a contract? Look, guys, I don't know anything about that.
Your cousin sent us $50 to pubIish her song.
We did it.
End of transaction.
Now get out of here.
I'm very busy.
Look, mister, if you're not gonna be fair about this then we want Daisy's $50 back.
Jojo, did you hear that? This guy just threatened me.
You guys get out of here before Jojo maiIs you back to tobacco road.
You're gonna need heIp, hoss.
-He's got it.
-Yeah.
And you best be going.
Go on, get out of here.
I don't want to see your faces around here again.
Gee, I knew it was tough to get into show business.
But I never heard of them using guns to keep you out.
Those .
44 Magnums convinced me.
Why wouId a music pubIisher need a bodyguard? I don't know.
I just don't Iike being sent home with my taiI tucked.
We can't go home.
Tucked or otherwise.
Now, Jesse said either get the royaIties or Daisy's $50 back.
We ain't got either.
Maybe we couId reason with Starr, if his trained ape wasn't around.
How do you pIan to do that? What's the Iast thing he expects right now? A fat man in a red suit, driving reindeer.
No, us.
We'II use StonewaII Jackson's oId tactic: When they think you're running away, you attack.
StonewaII Jackson had the Confederate Army.
I've got you.
And GeneraI Lee.
I'm going to be in back with the motor running, in case this doesn't work out.
And it won't.
Luke, if you don't beIieve in this, how come you're doing it? Because facing a goriIIa with two guns is easier than facing Jesse.
Let's go.
Now, Daisy, you pay cIose attention, aII right? See? l told you it was the law.
Ever notice how country boys stick out when they're trying to sneak around in town? Ain't they smooth? You ought to see them at a shindig.
He's slick on the dance floor, too.
Sorry, Boss.
And who should be the boss, but old Boss Hogg himself.
The Duke family's old enemy.
Hey, what are you guys.
Where's Jojo? Now Iook, Mr.
Starr, aII we want is Daisy's royaIty money.
Or her $50 back.
Now, is that too much to ask for? -You guys are nuts! -Mr.
Starr-- Jojo, are you aII right? -Cops.
-Cops? -Outside.
It's a raid.
-A raid? What are we going to do? Come on, mister.
Jojo.
God, and us on probation.
What are we gonna do? -Run.
-HoId them, Jojo! Boss, it's a raid! This is great! My keys! I forgot my keys.
Wake up, it's a raid! Now don't you worry about old Boss, because he is a survivor.
While all hell was busting loose behind, Miss Daisy was writing another hit.
Those dummies are stiII carrying the evidence.
That's our boys.
Boss Jefferson Davis Hogg was born on the dirt floor of a sharecropper's shack.
From there, things went downhill.
But everybody has a talent.
And Boss has a gift of graft.
ln a dazzling career in Hazzard County ranging from moonshine to political corruption Boss has been chased by everything, from revenuers to bloodhounds to irate husbands.
Even if the city cops do spot his license number, it don't matter none.
'Cause Boss changes license plates like he does his underwear.
Which is every time he goes to town.
When it comes to basic cunning old Boss was plumb eat up with it.
Come on, it's Ieft! I think you did weII and Iost them.
Old Boss Hogg was fit to be tied about nearly getting caught in a police raid.
Of course that can never happen in Hazzard since he runs the county, controls the graft, and owns the sheriff.
Me! Caught Iike poor trash in a poIice raid! Boss, I think the reason that was was because they didn't recognize who you are.
You know.
That was some cIose caII in AtIanta.
I sure don't want nothing Iike that happening to my record-pressing pIant here in Hazzard County.
-What couId happen? -What couId happen? One of your dumb deputies couId go bIundering into my pIant, that's what.
With my Iuck, it wouId turn out to be somebody honest.
There's nobody in my department honest.
Except Enos.
And I'II make sure I keep him somewhere eIse.
I got a tin ear for music.
The onIy reason I got into this was to get me a big syndicate tie-in.
After aII, if a man don't grow, he dies.
That's what you got in the raid? I've heard aII of WayIon Jennings' songs.
I mean I've got them.
I've never heard any of those.
Maybe they're not reIeased yet.
Then how did Starr get them? And why did he get rid of it when the poIice showed up? You know, if that there was corn whisky instead of a siIIy tape I'd say it was hot.
Wait a minute.
If that's a hot tape of an unreIeased record this couId be a piracy operation.
-Gotta be.
-What's that? Music pirates make a fortune steaIing tapes and making iIIegaI recordings.
You read about it aII the time.
That's aII weII and good, but this isn't heIping Daisy with her situation.
If Starr won't heIp, why don't we go right to the top? Can't do that.
-The preacher's out of town.
-No.
Look, Jessi CoIter recorded Daisy's song, right? Why don't we go right to her? She's gonna be in AtIanta this whoIe week.
That's a good idea.
And this time, boys, get it right.
So, faster than you could skin a rabbit they found themselves face to face with Jessi Colter's manager.
True Blue Hearts? I'm sorry, honey, but Jessi's never recorded that.
But Lester Starr said that she-- Lester Starr finds ambitious singers who can imitate a name artist then fakes a record on them.
Piracy costs the music business miIIions.
Boy, it must! I just started, and it's just cost me $50.
If everybody knows about this guy, Starr, why hasn't anyone done anything? You gotta catch him in the act.
I hear they just about naiIed him in a raid yesterday, but somebody bIew it.
Maybe you foIks couId heIp.
If those cops bIew that raid yesterday, maybe we can find another way.
Something that wouId naiI him right to the waII, for everybody.
Sounds great.
But what? Starr makes phony tapes, right? What if we con him into making another one of Jessi? Yeah, that'd bIow his operation sky high.
But he aIready knows what we Iook Iike.
What if we send in Daisy as a Jessi CoIter sound-aIike? Luke, I sound more Iike WayIon Jennings than I do Jessi CoIter.
But you'd sound a Iot Iike Jessi if you pIayed him a Jessi CoIter tape.
That's terrific.
I'II get on the phone with Loretta Lynn and Donna Fargo.
They've been stung by pirates.
I'II put together a rehearsaI tape on both of them.
Where can we find this guy, Starr? River Pines.
A Iot of musicians Iive there.
Bands, groupies, whatever.
-A sort of DisneyIand for the weird.
-We ought to fit right in.
I'II get that tape for you.
Looks Iike you're gonna be a star, after aII.
Poor little old Daisy, she's really got the bug, ain't she? Starr's in the apartment upstairs.
We'II be watching the door.
Be sure to hoIIer if you need heIp.
Boss, beIieve me they got nothing on us.
Nothing.
HoId on.
Hey, my name is Daisy.
And I want to be a star.
-Come in.
-Okay.
I know miIIions of girIs are aIways dropping in here with cheap tricks to heIp you get their careers started.
WeII, I decided to do the same thing.
I think you made the right move.
I swear, I'II do anything to get you to Iisten to my tape.
-Anything? -About.
Now, Iook, if you're gonna seduce me or something shouIdn't you be offering me a drink? Of course I reaIIy don't know, you see, I'm so country.
ReaIIy? Baby, I'II make you a singing star without even hearing you.
I'm gonna put on my tape, and you can Iisten.
My act is very unique.
You see, I've got this freak voice.
So I do sound-aIikes.
And with aII these singers getting rich, imitating peopIe who are dead I decided to puII a switch and sound Iike peopIe who are aIive.
-Think it'II catch on? -Sure.
Now, this is onIy a rehearsaI tape.
Just rhythm behind me.
It's my Jessi CoIter.
Is that you? You do sound a IittIe Iike her.
This is my Loretta Lynn.
And this is my Donna Fargo.
We're gonna make a fortune.
Yeah, I thought we might.
When can we start? Tomorrow.
Today.
Right now! -Then it's a deaI? -It's a deaI.
I'II set up a test session about day after tomorrow.
We'II use stoIen music tracks behind you.
Baby, this is gonna be.
Where are you going? You just set up that recording session, and I'II caII you.
MiIIions.
We'II make miIIions.
It's the Ieast I can do for a man who didn't try to take advantage of me.
l don't know about you, but she'd have done had my boots and guitar.
You know what? Y'aII are about as handy as a Ieft-handed anviI.
WhiIe I'm getting attacked by this Iecherous midget you two are orgying aII over that pooI.
-Did he go for it? -Did he take the bait? He's gonna make me queen of the pirates.
-Fantastic.
-And thanks for asking about my virtue which you didn't, being intact, which it is.
-Do you understand that? -No.
lf you're wondering why they climb in and out of their car windows the doors of a racing car are welded shut.
Ain't that slick? l tell you, Boss, we're gonna make millions.
This freaky chick can sound Iike anybody.
No, Boss, she doesn't do Kate Smith.
If you wanna make it big in piracy, Iisten to the radio more.
WeII, Iook here, I've been waiting for something Iike this to make that syndicate sit up and take notice.
I sure hope it works.
See, I better hear her sing for myseIf.
Okay.
I teII you what, I'II bring her to the pIant.
And you can have those biggies down there, too.
But remember, these dudes are very nervous about the Iaw.
Set it up.
They're protected.
I own this county! Right.
Kind of stick out, don't they? Anybody that dumb has got to work for Starr.
Yep.
That must be the bodyguard.
You gonna foIIow them in a junkyard? We'II bIow the surveiIIance.
You want to fiIe a report saying we Iost them? You know, there's a distinct advantage in never growing up.
Since Bo and Luke ain't about to, sometimes it gives them the edge in playing games.
Since Bo and Luke were always messing with cars they knew every junkyard like a lover's face.
And following them into one was like chasing a boar into the bushes.
Didn't Starr hire himseIf some rookie hoods? -That's right.
-Nice driving, brother.
This is Unit One.
I think we've Iost them.
I sure wish there was some other way.
Starr's been steaIing money hand over fist from nice peopIe Iike Jessi CoIter.
And Iots of other peopIe Iike you who can't afford to be cheated out of $50.
They can't stop him.
-Besides, we asked him nice.
-I know that.
It's just that tomorrow, when I go into that studio I'm gonna be treated Iike somebody.
For one day, I'II be a star.
It sure is gonna put a damper on it when y'aII bIow the pIace apart.
Was everything aII right when you caIIed Starr up? He was panting so hard my ear got wet.
I'm meeting him tomorrow at his pIace, and from there we go to the hidden studio.
We'II be right behind you, aII the way.
Won't he spot you driving GeneraI Lee? We'II be in this car, if I can ever get her tuned up.
Did Starr say anything about where the studio is? No.
Somewhere in the boonies.
The studio and the pressing pIant are together.
There's gonna be a crowd.
Starr said something about syndicate men.
Syndicate men? Now, Rosco, I want you to Iisten good.
These are the syndicate boys I've been trying to hook up with.
Yeah, Boss.
Now, I understand.
These boys get nervous when the Iaw is around.
So I want you and your deputies to Iay Iow.
l don't care if Bonnie and Clyde ride through with the Dalton gang and the bank turns up missing.
Tomorrow, the Iaw is out to Iunch.
Lunch.
Right.
I'II take care of it, Boss.
So you FBI gentIemen actuaIIy think there's a music conspiracy ring right here in Hazzard? -That's right, Sheriff.
-Yeah, this is one of the top pirates.
I don't know him.
Lester Starr.
We've had him under surveiIIance for months.
We aImost had him with the goods in a recent raid.
But he dumped some evidence on these two confederates who got away.
We think they may Iive around here somewhere.
I'II teII you something, if I spot them, I'II just-- Just maintain surveiIIance and notify us.
We'II take it from there.
Right.
I'II just Iet you guys.
Now, if you remember, Sheriff Rosco and Boss are thick as thieves.
'Cause they are thieves.
I teII you, the FBI had pictures of the guys they were after.
It was Bo and Luke Duke.
It seems they're tied in with some big organization just Iike yours.
Just Iike mine? No way.
Maybe you've gone seniIe and hired them by accident.
Rosco, this ain't no two-bit operation.
I'm working with pros! I don't know what amateurs Iike Bo and Luke Duke are doing.
The FBI toId me if I was to spot them, I'm supposed to caII them.
If you spot them, you naiI them, pea brain! Ain't we been trying to get them on something? Bo, Luke, Daisy.
WeII, they're doing something wrong, or the FBI wouIdn't be after them.
That's aII we need to revoke their probation and send them back to prison.
-But the FBI-- -Don't run this county! -You do.
-I do.
Early next morning, everybody was ready for a big day.
Of course, Jesse had a few words of instructions.
He always does.
Are you two sure you got everything straight? -Got it.
-I want you.
-Not bad.
-Looking good.
Nice, Daisy.
I was just teIIing the boys you've got to make sure that everybody is out of that pressing pIant before they bIow it up.
Because the Dukes revenge on property, not peopIe.
I wiII.
Remember, when you're with Starr, don't Iook for us.
We'II be behind you.
Sing pretty.
You aII right? It's just that I was so excited when I thought something had finaIIy happened with one of my songs.
I know that them songs has been a Iong-time dream of yours.
That's why we got to stop this Starr feIIa.
Any man ornery enough to steaI another person's dreams deserves everything he gets.
WeII, at Ieast for one day, I'm going to be a star.
Even if it isn't for reaI.
Most peopIe never get that.
Most stars never get to be as big as you are.
Right now, around here.
How did you get to be so wise? What are oId men for? The boys figured if they was going to take on the pirates and the syndicate they'd need reinforcements.
The most reinforced person in Hazzard was Ms.
Mabel, the Mobile Madame.
Ms.
Mabel's party girls roamed Hazzard in a fancy RV camper.
-Are you sure everything is set? -Sure, pretty Bo.
The beer's coId, the CB's hot, and the girIs are ready.
-They want you on the CB.
-I'II be right back, feIIas.
Ruby? What in the worId are you doing working here? Honey, after going with you, this was a step up in the worId.
StiII bitter? We got to get out of here.
The cops are coming.
You were going to move outside of Hazzard County, anyway.
It's a pity.
We just had set up here.
Besides, we met a Iot of nice foIks.
Stay where it's safe.
You ought to know better.
I'II drive the motor home.
You get the scrap heap.
Come on.
So Daisy and Starr left from his place right on schedule followed by Bo and Luke and whoever that is.
Everybody seemed to be following everybody, and nobody knew anybody.
And so it turned out, everybody was following everybody else for the wrong reason.
That's about up to par.
HoIy cats! We're headed back towards Hazzard County.
I can read.
Terrific.
We aIso got us a taiI, hanging way back.
That Iooks Iike those same guys we Ieft in the junkyard.
Wait a minute.
They can't be Starr's guards 'cause they're in front of us.
I ever teII you what a treat it is working with your keen mind? Then who are they? -Sheriff, what are you doing? AII-- -Hush.
I'd have Enos read you your rights, but you ain't got any -because you broke probation.
-Hi, feIIas.
-What's the charge? -Cohorting with known criminaIs.
The onIy known criminaIs we consort with is you.
You got a nasty mouth on you, Duke boy.
You didn't know it, but the FBI was traiIing you.
They've got pictures of you two cohorting with musicaI pirates.
Come on, you'II have to go with us.
Get out of that car! -Can I bring this with me? -What? -Dynamite.
-Judas priest on a pony! -We made it.
-Yeah, we aIso Iost Daisy.
lt seems them boys couldn't get two things right back-to-back no matter whose life depended on it.
Hey, Iead-foot.
How are you doing, Farrah Fawcett? -Hey, Cooter.
-What's happening? Nothing much.
We've just been chased by the FBI.
We just dynamited one of Rosco's cars.
What's up with you? Nothing new.
VoItage meter.
SIick.
Just Iike New York City.
What did y'aII do to the FBI? They was chasing us, so we wrecked one of their cars in the junkyard.
-Did you totaI it? -No, just a IittIe body damage.
You teII them I'II give them a reaI good price on a compIete body job.
We'II have to send them boys a note of apoIogy.
I Iike the FBI.
They got a good TV show.
Cooter, Daisy's in troubIe.
Now, we was foIIowing her, and the FBI was foIIowing us.
The sheriff caught us and we got away, but we Iost Daisy.
So the FBI is foIIowing Daisy? Why don't y'aII foIIow the FBI? And then you'II find Daisy.
''Out of the mouth of babes,'' as Jesse wouId say.
That's right.
Cooter, you do us a favor.
Get on your CB and put a spot on them.
They may be monitoring us.
-I got you covered.
-AII right.
Breaker One, I might be crazy, but I ain't dumb.
Crazy Cooter coming at you.
Anybody home on the Hazzard net? Dreams, that's what it's aII about.
And they're hard to come by.
You and me, baby, this is going to be a dream come true.
-I stiII don't understand the setup here.
-It's very simpIe.
That's the pressing pIant, that's the recording studio.
-What do you think? -It's not the Grand OIe Opry.
It's not supposed to be.
Jojo, any sign of the boss and the syndicate? You're gonna knock them dead.
Excuse me.
Do you have a IittIe girIs' room around here? -Sure, right over there.
-Okay.
Enos, what's wrong with you? -The FBI is in there.
-FBI! Hi, feIIas.
Your guns were here yesterday.
They've just-- The surveiIIance team you taIked to has spotted the pIant.
They're watching it.
We're the raid team, and we're going in now.
Raid team? Let's go, guys.
-Just go, then.
-Sheriff, I just Iove a good raid.
General Lee, General Robert E.
Lee, this here is old Crazy Cooter.
-Come on.
-Come in, oId Coot.
You gentlemen are in luck, because you sure don't live right.
Deacon Lyle Perkins lives one farm over from the Morrow place.
He spotted the limo and the Uncle Sam Smokey going down the road to the farm about a half hour ago.
-We're right on top of that.
-That ain't all.
A bunch of other cars showed up, too.
So y'all be careful.
Read you, Cooter.
We're on our way.
Can you reIay that to MabeI? 10-4.
This is it, boys.
I forecIosed on it and turned it into a studio and a record-pressing pIant.
-StiII Iooks Iike a farm, though, don't it? -What's that smeII? Fresh air.
And inside this studio is a Iady with a trick voice who's gonna make us aII a ton.
She'd better.
We're taking a risk being here.
Robert, you keep your eyes peeIed.
This pIace gives me the creeps.
No aIIeys, no sewers, no pIace to hide.
I sure hope MabeI got that message.
With Cooter's transmitter, they'II get it in Moscow.
And once again, here come the law.
-So where is she? -In the Iadies' room.
She's a IittIe nervous.
Here she is now.
Come in here, sweetheart.
-Guys, I'd Iike you to meet-- -Boss! Daisy Duke! You didn't teII me that Boss was the boss.
You two know each other? Yeah, I know her.
I just don't know anything about her.
We made this trip, and you ain't ever heard her sing? No, why, we were both in the same church choir.
Isn't that so, Daisy? -Yes, Boss sings bass.
-No kidding.
That's right.
-Let's get on with it.
-Excuse me -I have to go to the IittIe girIs' room.
-Again? Me, too.
-You can't come in here! -It's as good a pIace to die as any.
-You trying to get us kiIIed? -I'm trying to get my $50 back.
What $50? Never mind.
I don't know what you Dukes are up to but you better be abIe to sing Iike a bird or we're aII dead ducks! Those syndicate boys out there invented cement shoes.
Lord, who wouId want any? -Can you sing? -Fair.
We're dead.
What is going on? Those guys are getting edgy.
That happened once before on St.
VaIentine's Day.
Now get out there and sing.
-Now what? -Man, this is a weird case.
First of aII, I'd Iike to thank you for coming to hear me.
Did you have a pIeasant trip down? What is this? We gonna hear her sing, or what? Somebody's staIIing.
StaIIing makes me nervous.
Okay.
For my first song, I'd Iike to sing for you this reaI catchy tune that.
I made it up.
-What's that? -What's going on around here? What the heII is this? Now you know what the girls were for.
: bait, to get everybody outside.
Who caIIed for broads? -Who eIse knows we're down here? -Nobody knows.
-It's a mistake.
-Damn straight, it's a mistake! Let's get out of here.
-I shouId've never deaIt with hicks.
-Who are you caIIing a hick? Come on, now.
You don't want to miss the fun.
Hey, Boss.
You here, too? WeIcome to Hazzard County, gentIemen.
-The sheriff and the FBI are on their way.
-FBI! You fooI! OId Rosco put his foot in it this time.
Isn't that just the prettiest sight you've ever seen in your Iife? Come on, Iight, you son of a gun.
-Light it up.
-There she is.
She's trying.
There she goes.
And that's the legend of Daisy's song.
And the FBl didn't get their man.
: no evidence.
And Boss didn't get in the syndicate.
: no record plant.
Looks like it would have been a lot easier just to give Daisy her $50 back.
But that ain't the whole story.
Want to hear our new song? It hasn't even been reIeased yet.
Sure.
Jessi CoIter sent it.
She's going to record it for reaI.
Oh, my Lord! Listen! See, I toId you.
AII you got to do is just keep dreaming them dreams.
Another good thing about Hazzard County.
: We tend to have happy endings.
EngIish
And I want to be a star.
You think Daisy's been took? You're gonna need heIp, hoss.
He's got it.
Y'all better not go to the refrigerator now.
If that had been a wiId boar, you wouId have missed.
If that had been a wiId boar, he wouIdn't be in our back yard.
That ain't necessariIy so.
This is Bo and Luke Duke.
They're cousins.
They fight the system.
Any system.
This is Hazzard County where you never know what's gonna happen next.
Hey, everybody, Iisten! It's my song! Jessi CoIter is singing my song! Come on.
-What are you taIking about? -I wrote this song.
I wrote it! That's Cousin Daisy.
She works as a waitress, but aspires to better things.
Daisy can cause more trouble than a brand-new baby.
Uncle Jesse is the Duke patriarch.
His word is law usually obeyed out of love, but always obeyed.
-Who did you say that was singing? -It's Jessi CoIter.
And for all you folks ignorant of good music Jessi Colter is one of the world's best singers.
Well, l'm partial to June Carter, myself.
And that was Jessi Colter's latest on the Big 40 Country Hits AIbum.
I just can't beIieve it.
That sounded reaI good, Daisy.
It took me forever to write the notes down.
And after aII these years of writing songs I sent it to this music pubIisher, and now Jessi CoIter is singing it! That's great.
How much did they pay you? -The pay? -WeII, they did pay you.
No, I paid them.
That's the sort of business we ought to have.
There was a magazine ad where you pay $50, and they pubIish your song.
So I saved up aII my tip money tiII I had enough and I sent my song in, and I got this Ietter back saying it was pubIished.
Now, Daisy, some of those ads are for phony operations.
You think Daisy's been took? They got Daisy's song.
Jessi CoIter got a recording.
And Daisy's got $50 Iess than she had before.
That's took.
And $50 in nickeI tips ain't easy to come by.
When you record a song, you're supposed to get royaIties.
Where is this pubIishing company, anyway? It's Lester Starr Music PubIishing in AtIanta.
That pIace ain't been right since Sherman burned it.
Come on, I'II bet this Mr.
Starr just made an oversight.
Think we ought to go in to AtIanta and check it out? Maybe you ought to.
But you gotta remember, boys you gotta give them city peopIe the benefit of the doubt.
It ain't right to take advantage of them just because they don't know no better.
So just keep it simpIe.
General Lee was their racing car.
They built him from the wheels up.
Although they had another car when the boys expected trouble, they drove the General.
Which meant they drove him a lot.
Now, why can't I go with you? It's my song.
-Because Jesse toId us to handIe it.
-Okay.
But y'aII be carefuI now.
Smell like the law, don't it? Jojo, that stuff ready for the pressing pIant yet? Is that stuff ready for the pressing pIant yet? NearIy done.
I'm expecting some hot tracks, ripped off in NashviIIe.
They're coming in today, and I want them on this run.
-Mr.
Starr.
-Yeah, what is it? -There are two boys here to see you.
-Send them in.
Hi, guys.
Dodie.
Come on in, feIIas.
Come in.
Good to see you.
I guess you want me to hear your song, right? Wrong.
Sheet music? You write your own music? Heavy! Our Cousin Daisy wrote it.
-This has my company's name on it.
-That's what we came to taIk to you about.
We heard Jessi CoIter singing it on the radio.
No kidding? How about that? We was just wondering about the royaIties.
RoyaIties? Funny.
It was recorded.
Wasn't there a contract? Look, guys, I don't know anything about that.
Your cousin sent us $50 to pubIish her song.
We did it.
End of transaction.
Now get out of here.
I'm very busy.
Look, mister, if you're not gonna be fair about this then we want Daisy's $50 back.
Jojo, did you hear that? This guy just threatened me.
You guys get out of here before Jojo maiIs you back to tobacco road.
You're gonna need heIp, hoss.
-He's got it.
-Yeah.
And you best be going.
Go on, get out of here.
I don't want to see your faces around here again.
Gee, I knew it was tough to get into show business.
But I never heard of them using guns to keep you out.
Those .
44 Magnums convinced me.
Why wouId a music pubIisher need a bodyguard? I don't know.
I just don't Iike being sent home with my taiI tucked.
We can't go home.
Tucked or otherwise.
Now, Jesse said either get the royaIties or Daisy's $50 back.
We ain't got either.
Maybe we couId reason with Starr, if his trained ape wasn't around.
How do you pIan to do that? What's the Iast thing he expects right now? A fat man in a red suit, driving reindeer.
No, us.
We'II use StonewaII Jackson's oId tactic: When they think you're running away, you attack.
StonewaII Jackson had the Confederate Army.
I've got you.
And GeneraI Lee.
I'm going to be in back with the motor running, in case this doesn't work out.
And it won't.
Luke, if you don't beIieve in this, how come you're doing it? Because facing a goriIIa with two guns is easier than facing Jesse.
Let's go.
Now, Daisy, you pay cIose attention, aII right? See? l told you it was the law.
Ever notice how country boys stick out when they're trying to sneak around in town? Ain't they smooth? You ought to see them at a shindig.
He's slick on the dance floor, too.
Sorry, Boss.
And who should be the boss, but old Boss Hogg himself.
The Duke family's old enemy.
Hey, what are you guys.
Where's Jojo? Now Iook, Mr.
Starr, aII we want is Daisy's royaIty money.
Or her $50 back.
Now, is that too much to ask for? -You guys are nuts! -Mr.
Starr-- Jojo, are you aII right? -Cops.
-Cops? -Outside.
It's a raid.
-A raid? What are we going to do? Come on, mister.
Jojo.
God, and us on probation.
What are we gonna do? -Run.
-HoId them, Jojo! Boss, it's a raid! This is great! My keys! I forgot my keys.
Wake up, it's a raid! Now don't you worry about old Boss, because he is a survivor.
While all hell was busting loose behind, Miss Daisy was writing another hit.
Those dummies are stiII carrying the evidence.
That's our boys.
Boss Jefferson Davis Hogg was born on the dirt floor of a sharecropper's shack.
From there, things went downhill.
But everybody has a talent.
And Boss has a gift of graft.
ln a dazzling career in Hazzard County ranging from moonshine to political corruption Boss has been chased by everything, from revenuers to bloodhounds to irate husbands.
Even if the city cops do spot his license number, it don't matter none.
'Cause Boss changes license plates like he does his underwear.
Which is every time he goes to town.
When it comes to basic cunning old Boss was plumb eat up with it.
Come on, it's Ieft! I think you did weII and Iost them.
Old Boss Hogg was fit to be tied about nearly getting caught in a police raid.
Of course that can never happen in Hazzard since he runs the county, controls the graft, and owns the sheriff.
Me! Caught Iike poor trash in a poIice raid! Boss, I think the reason that was was because they didn't recognize who you are.
You know.
That was some cIose caII in AtIanta.
I sure don't want nothing Iike that happening to my record-pressing pIant here in Hazzard County.
-What couId happen? -What couId happen? One of your dumb deputies couId go bIundering into my pIant, that's what.
With my Iuck, it wouId turn out to be somebody honest.
There's nobody in my department honest.
Except Enos.
And I'II make sure I keep him somewhere eIse.
I got a tin ear for music.
The onIy reason I got into this was to get me a big syndicate tie-in.
After aII, if a man don't grow, he dies.
That's what you got in the raid? I've heard aII of WayIon Jennings' songs.
I mean I've got them.
I've never heard any of those.
Maybe they're not reIeased yet.
Then how did Starr get them? And why did he get rid of it when the poIice showed up? You know, if that there was corn whisky instead of a siIIy tape I'd say it was hot.
Wait a minute.
If that's a hot tape of an unreIeased record this couId be a piracy operation.
-Gotta be.
-What's that? Music pirates make a fortune steaIing tapes and making iIIegaI recordings.
You read about it aII the time.
That's aII weII and good, but this isn't heIping Daisy with her situation.
If Starr won't heIp, why don't we go right to the top? Can't do that.
-The preacher's out of town.
-No.
Look, Jessi CoIter recorded Daisy's song, right? Why don't we go right to her? She's gonna be in AtIanta this whoIe week.
That's a good idea.
And this time, boys, get it right.
So, faster than you could skin a rabbit they found themselves face to face with Jessi Colter's manager.
True Blue Hearts? I'm sorry, honey, but Jessi's never recorded that.
But Lester Starr said that she-- Lester Starr finds ambitious singers who can imitate a name artist then fakes a record on them.
Piracy costs the music business miIIions.
Boy, it must! I just started, and it's just cost me $50.
If everybody knows about this guy, Starr, why hasn't anyone done anything? You gotta catch him in the act.
I hear they just about naiIed him in a raid yesterday, but somebody bIew it.
Maybe you foIks couId heIp.
If those cops bIew that raid yesterday, maybe we can find another way.
Something that wouId naiI him right to the waII, for everybody.
Sounds great.
But what? Starr makes phony tapes, right? What if we con him into making another one of Jessi? Yeah, that'd bIow his operation sky high.
But he aIready knows what we Iook Iike.
What if we send in Daisy as a Jessi CoIter sound-aIike? Luke, I sound more Iike WayIon Jennings than I do Jessi CoIter.
But you'd sound a Iot Iike Jessi if you pIayed him a Jessi CoIter tape.
That's terrific.
I'II get on the phone with Loretta Lynn and Donna Fargo.
They've been stung by pirates.
I'II put together a rehearsaI tape on both of them.
Where can we find this guy, Starr? River Pines.
A Iot of musicians Iive there.
Bands, groupies, whatever.
-A sort of DisneyIand for the weird.
-We ought to fit right in.
I'II get that tape for you.
Looks Iike you're gonna be a star, after aII.
Poor little old Daisy, she's really got the bug, ain't she? Starr's in the apartment upstairs.
We'II be watching the door.
Be sure to hoIIer if you need heIp.
Boss, beIieve me they got nothing on us.
Nothing.
HoId on.
Hey, my name is Daisy.
And I want to be a star.
-Come in.
-Okay.
I know miIIions of girIs are aIways dropping in here with cheap tricks to heIp you get their careers started.
WeII, I decided to do the same thing.
I think you made the right move.
I swear, I'II do anything to get you to Iisten to my tape.
-Anything? -About.
Now, Iook, if you're gonna seduce me or something shouIdn't you be offering me a drink? Of course I reaIIy don't know, you see, I'm so country.
ReaIIy? Baby, I'II make you a singing star without even hearing you.
I'm gonna put on my tape, and you can Iisten.
My act is very unique.
You see, I've got this freak voice.
So I do sound-aIikes.
And with aII these singers getting rich, imitating peopIe who are dead I decided to puII a switch and sound Iike peopIe who are aIive.
-Think it'II catch on? -Sure.
Now, this is onIy a rehearsaI tape.
Just rhythm behind me.
It's my Jessi CoIter.
Is that you? You do sound a IittIe Iike her.
This is my Loretta Lynn.
And this is my Donna Fargo.
We're gonna make a fortune.
Yeah, I thought we might.
When can we start? Tomorrow.
Today.
Right now! -Then it's a deaI? -It's a deaI.
I'II set up a test session about day after tomorrow.
We'II use stoIen music tracks behind you.
Baby, this is gonna be.
Where are you going? You just set up that recording session, and I'II caII you.
MiIIions.
We'II make miIIions.
It's the Ieast I can do for a man who didn't try to take advantage of me.
l don't know about you, but she'd have done had my boots and guitar.
You know what? Y'aII are about as handy as a Ieft-handed anviI.
WhiIe I'm getting attacked by this Iecherous midget you two are orgying aII over that pooI.
-Did he go for it? -Did he take the bait? He's gonna make me queen of the pirates.
-Fantastic.
-And thanks for asking about my virtue which you didn't, being intact, which it is.
-Do you understand that? -No.
lf you're wondering why they climb in and out of their car windows the doors of a racing car are welded shut.
Ain't that slick? l tell you, Boss, we're gonna make millions.
This freaky chick can sound Iike anybody.
No, Boss, she doesn't do Kate Smith.
If you wanna make it big in piracy, Iisten to the radio more.
WeII, Iook here, I've been waiting for something Iike this to make that syndicate sit up and take notice.
I sure hope it works.
See, I better hear her sing for myseIf.
Okay.
I teII you what, I'II bring her to the pIant.
And you can have those biggies down there, too.
But remember, these dudes are very nervous about the Iaw.
Set it up.
They're protected.
I own this county! Right.
Kind of stick out, don't they? Anybody that dumb has got to work for Starr.
Yep.
That must be the bodyguard.
You gonna foIIow them in a junkyard? We'II bIow the surveiIIance.
You want to fiIe a report saying we Iost them? You know, there's a distinct advantage in never growing up.
Since Bo and Luke ain't about to, sometimes it gives them the edge in playing games.
Since Bo and Luke were always messing with cars they knew every junkyard like a lover's face.
And following them into one was like chasing a boar into the bushes.
Didn't Starr hire himseIf some rookie hoods? -That's right.
-Nice driving, brother.
This is Unit One.
I think we've Iost them.
I sure wish there was some other way.
Starr's been steaIing money hand over fist from nice peopIe Iike Jessi CoIter.
And Iots of other peopIe Iike you who can't afford to be cheated out of $50.
They can't stop him.
-Besides, we asked him nice.
-I know that.
It's just that tomorrow, when I go into that studio I'm gonna be treated Iike somebody.
For one day, I'II be a star.
It sure is gonna put a damper on it when y'aII bIow the pIace apart.
Was everything aII right when you caIIed Starr up? He was panting so hard my ear got wet.
I'm meeting him tomorrow at his pIace, and from there we go to the hidden studio.
We'II be right behind you, aII the way.
Won't he spot you driving GeneraI Lee? We'II be in this car, if I can ever get her tuned up.
Did Starr say anything about where the studio is? No.
Somewhere in the boonies.
The studio and the pressing pIant are together.
There's gonna be a crowd.
Starr said something about syndicate men.
Syndicate men? Now, Rosco, I want you to Iisten good.
These are the syndicate boys I've been trying to hook up with.
Yeah, Boss.
Now, I understand.
These boys get nervous when the Iaw is around.
So I want you and your deputies to Iay Iow.
l don't care if Bonnie and Clyde ride through with the Dalton gang and the bank turns up missing.
Tomorrow, the Iaw is out to Iunch.
Lunch.
Right.
I'II take care of it, Boss.
So you FBI gentIemen actuaIIy think there's a music conspiracy ring right here in Hazzard? -That's right, Sheriff.
-Yeah, this is one of the top pirates.
I don't know him.
Lester Starr.
We've had him under surveiIIance for months.
We aImost had him with the goods in a recent raid.
But he dumped some evidence on these two confederates who got away.
We think they may Iive around here somewhere.
I'II teII you something, if I spot them, I'II just-- Just maintain surveiIIance and notify us.
We'II take it from there.
Right.
I'II just Iet you guys.
Now, if you remember, Sheriff Rosco and Boss are thick as thieves.
'Cause they are thieves.
I teII you, the FBI had pictures of the guys they were after.
It was Bo and Luke Duke.
It seems they're tied in with some big organization just Iike yours.
Just Iike mine? No way.
Maybe you've gone seniIe and hired them by accident.
Rosco, this ain't no two-bit operation.
I'm working with pros! I don't know what amateurs Iike Bo and Luke Duke are doing.
The FBI toId me if I was to spot them, I'm supposed to caII them.
If you spot them, you naiI them, pea brain! Ain't we been trying to get them on something? Bo, Luke, Daisy.
WeII, they're doing something wrong, or the FBI wouIdn't be after them.
That's aII we need to revoke their probation and send them back to prison.
-But the FBI-- -Don't run this county! -You do.
-I do.
Early next morning, everybody was ready for a big day.
Of course, Jesse had a few words of instructions.
He always does.
Are you two sure you got everything straight? -Got it.
-I want you.
-Not bad.
-Looking good.
Nice, Daisy.
I was just teIIing the boys you've got to make sure that everybody is out of that pressing pIant before they bIow it up.
Because the Dukes revenge on property, not peopIe.
I wiII.
Remember, when you're with Starr, don't Iook for us.
We'II be behind you.
Sing pretty.
You aII right? It's just that I was so excited when I thought something had finaIIy happened with one of my songs.
I know that them songs has been a Iong-time dream of yours.
That's why we got to stop this Starr feIIa.
Any man ornery enough to steaI another person's dreams deserves everything he gets.
WeII, at Ieast for one day, I'm going to be a star.
Even if it isn't for reaI.
Most peopIe never get that.
Most stars never get to be as big as you are.
Right now, around here.
How did you get to be so wise? What are oId men for? The boys figured if they was going to take on the pirates and the syndicate they'd need reinforcements.
The most reinforced person in Hazzard was Ms.
Mabel, the Mobile Madame.
Ms.
Mabel's party girls roamed Hazzard in a fancy RV camper.
-Are you sure everything is set? -Sure, pretty Bo.
The beer's coId, the CB's hot, and the girIs are ready.
-They want you on the CB.
-I'II be right back, feIIas.
Ruby? What in the worId are you doing working here? Honey, after going with you, this was a step up in the worId.
StiII bitter? We got to get out of here.
The cops are coming.
You were going to move outside of Hazzard County, anyway.
It's a pity.
We just had set up here.
Besides, we met a Iot of nice foIks.
Stay where it's safe.
You ought to know better.
I'II drive the motor home.
You get the scrap heap.
Come on.
So Daisy and Starr left from his place right on schedule followed by Bo and Luke and whoever that is.
Everybody seemed to be following everybody, and nobody knew anybody.
And so it turned out, everybody was following everybody else for the wrong reason.
That's about up to par.
HoIy cats! We're headed back towards Hazzard County.
I can read.
Terrific.
We aIso got us a taiI, hanging way back.
That Iooks Iike those same guys we Ieft in the junkyard.
Wait a minute.
They can't be Starr's guards 'cause they're in front of us.
I ever teII you what a treat it is working with your keen mind? Then who are they? -Sheriff, what are you doing? AII-- -Hush.
I'd have Enos read you your rights, but you ain't got any -because you broke probation.
-Hi, feIIas.
-What's the charge? -Cohorting with known criminaIs.
The onIy known criminaIs we consort with is you.
You got a nasty mouth on you, Duke boy.
You didn't know it, but the FBI was traiIing you.
They've got pictures of you two cohorting with musicaI pirates.
Come on, you'II have to go with us.
Get out of that car! -Can I bring this with me? -What? -Dynamite.
-Judas priest on a pony! -We made it.
-Yeah, we aIso Iost Daisy.
lt seems them boys couldn't get two things right back-to-back no matter whose life depended on it.
Hey, Iead-foot.
How are you doing, Farrah Fawcett? -Hey, Cooter.
-What's happening? Nothing much.
We've just been chased by the FBI.
We just dynamited one of Rosco's cars.
What's up with you? Nothing new.
VoItage meter.
SIick.
Just Iike New York City.
What did y'aII do to the FBI? They was chasing us, so we wrecked one of their cars in the junkyard.
-Did you totaI it? -No, just a IittIe body damage.
You teII them I'II give them a reaI good price on a compIete body job.
We'II have to send them boys a note of apoIogy.
I Iike the FBI.
They got a good TV show.
Cooter, Daisy's in troubIe.
Now, we was foIIowing her, and the FBI was foIIowing us.
The sheriff caught us and we got away, but we Iost Daisy.
So the FBI is foIIowing Daisy? Why don't y'aII foIIow the FBI? And then you'II find Daisy.
''Out of the mouth of babes,'' as Jesse wouId say.
That's right.
Cooter, you do us a favor.
Get on your CB and put a spot on them.
They may be monitoring us.
-I got you covered.
-AII right.
Breaker One, I might be crazy, but I ain't dumb.
Crazy Cooter coming at you.
Anybody home on the Hazzard net? Dreams, that's what it's aII about.
And they're hard to come by.
You and me, baby, this is going to be a dream come true.
-I stiII don't understand the setup here.
-It's very simpIe.
That's the pressing pIant, that's the recording studio.
-What do you think? -It's not the Grand OIe Opry.
It's not supposed to be.
Jojo, any sign of the boss and the syndicate? You're gonna knock them dead.
Excuse me.
Do you have a IittIe girIs' room around here? -Sure, right over there.
-Okay.
Enos, what's wrong with you? -The FBI is in there.
-FBI! Hi, feIIas.
Your guns were here yesterday.
They've just-- The surveiIIance team you taIked to has spotted the pIant.
They're watching it.
We're the raid team, and we're going in now.
Raid team? Let's go, guys.
-Just go, then.
-Sheriff, I just Iove a good raid.
General Lee, General Robert E.
Lee, this here is old Crazy Cooter.
-Come on.
-Come in, oId Coot.
You gentlemen are in luck, because you sure don't live right.
Deacon Lyle Perkins lives one farm over from the Morrow place.
He spotted the limo and the Uncle Sam Smokey going down the road to the farm about a half hour ago.
-We're right on top of that.
-That ain't all.
A bunch of other cars showed up, too.
So y'all be careful.
Read you, Cooter.
We're on our way.
Can you reIay that to MabeI? 10-4.
This is it, boys.
I forecIosed on it and turned it into a studio and a record-pressing pIant.
-StiII Iooks Iike a farm, though, don't it? -What's that smeII? Fresh air.
And inside this studio is a Iady with a trick voice who's gonna make us aII a ton.
She'd better.
We're taking a risk being here.
Robert, you keep your eyes peeIed.
This pIace gives me the creeps.
No aIIeys, no sewers, no pIace to hide.
I sure hope MabeI got that message.
With Cooter's transmitter, they'II get it in Moscow.
And once again, here come the law.
-So where is she? -In the Iadies' room.
She's a IittIe nervous.
Here she is now.
Come in here, sweetheart.
-Guys, I'd Iike you to meet-- -Boss! Daisy Duke! You didn't teII me that Boss was the boss.
You two know each other? Yeah, I know her.
I just don't know anything about her.
We made this trip, and you ain't ever heard her sing? No, why, we were both in the same church choir.
Isn't that so, Daisy? -Yes, Boss sings bass.
-No kidding.
That's right.
-Let's get on with it.
-Excuse me -I have to go to the IittIe girIs' room.
-Again? Me, too.
-You can't come in here! -It's as good a pIace to die as any.
-You trying to get us kiIIed? -I'm trying to get my $50 back.
What $50? Never mind.
I don't know what you Dukes are up to but you better be abIe to sing Iike a bird or we're aII dead ducks! Those syndicate boys out there invented cement shoes.
Lord, who wouId want any? -Can you sing? -Fair.
We're dead.
What is going on? Those guys are getting edgy.
That happened once before on St.
VaIentine's Day.
Now get out there and sing.
-Now what? -Man, this is a weird case.
First of aII, I'd Iike to thank you for coming to hear me.
Did you have a pIeasant trip down? What is this? We gonna hear her sing, or what? Somebody's staIIing.
StaIIing makes me nervous.
Okay.
For my first song, I'd Iike to sing for you this reaI catchy tune that.
I made it up.
-What's that? -What's going on around here? What the heII is this? Now you know what the girls were for.
: bait, to get everybody outside.
Who caIIed for broads? -Who eIse knows we're down here? -Nobody knows.
-It's a mistake.
-Damn straight, it's a mistake! Let's get out of here.
-I shouId've never deaIt with hicks.
-Who are you caIIing a hick? Come on, now.
You don't want to miss the fun.
Hey, Boss.
You here, too? WeIcome to Hazzard County, gentIemen.
-The sheriff and the FBI are on their way.
-FBI! You fooI! OId Rosco put his foot in it this time.
Isn't that just the prettiest sight you've ever seen in your Iife? Come on, Iight, you son of a gun.
-Light it up.
-There she is.
She's trying.
There she goes.
And that's the legend of Daisy's song.
And the FBl didn't get their man.
: no evidence.
And Boss didn't get in the syndicate.
: no record plant.
Looks like it would have been a lot easier just to give Daisy her $50 back.
But that ain't the whole story.
Want to hear our new song? It hasn't even been reIeased yet.
Sure.
Jessi CoIter sent it.
She's going to record it for reaI.
Oh, my Lord! Listen! See, I toId you.
AII you got to do is just keep dreaming them dreams.
Another good thing about Hazzard County.
: We tend to have happy endings.
EngIish