The End Of The F***ing World (2017) s01e02 Episode Script
Episode 2
1 I needed to find somewhere quiet.
Guess what freedom smells like? What? Cow shit.
Seatbelt? Fuck seatbelts.
So, what do you want to do? I don't know.
Because we can literally do anything, James.
Anything we want.
Die, die, die! VOICEOVER: Ironically, I was not in my element.
Come on! This is shit.
VOICEOVER: Sometimes I look at him and I think, "Are you a bit dead?" Put your tongue in my ear.
What? I like it.
ALYSSA LAUGHS OVER PA SYSTEM: Right, stop that now.
Sorry.
VOICEOVER: Alyssa was really good at annoying people.
Thank God I smashed my phone.
Bet my mum's been calling nonstop.
Stupid bitch.
How long till your dad calls the police? What? About the car.
He won't.
Really? Yeah.
I think they're coming home soon.
He's a prick and everything, but he's pretty optimistic.
What? What? I like food.
OK.
VOICEOVER: My mum says that if food were her boyfriend, she'd be in an abusive relationship.
She says it like it's a joke, but it's not.
What? Did you bring money with you? Didn't you? Yeah, I just spent it at Laser Kill.
That was all your money? I didn't have to pay for you, I was being fucking polite, actually.
What are we going to do? Well, it's just food.
And we haven't eaten all of it.
You haven't.
The only rule with these things is that you never steal from a smaller, independent business.
Whose rule is that? My dad's.
He's basically Robin Hood.
He breaks the law and stuff, but he's really moral.
If it's a chain, it's free rein.
Say it.
If it's a chain, it's free rein.
There you go.
Otherwise, you're basically funding terrorism.
Places like this are all run the Man.
What man? The Man man.
The Man who, you know, owns all the oil, forces Chinese children to make smartphones and hates Palestine.
Are you going to be a pussy? VOICEOVER: Showing willing was the best approach with Alyssa.
No.
VOICEOVER: Shit.
Nice one.
Seatbelt.
Fuck seatbelts.
VOICEOVER: I had her right where I wanted her.
We should have sex.
What, now? Yeah.
Take your top off.
Oh, OK.
VOICEOVER: I had to go along with it.
Should Should we Should we stop? No, keep driving.
VOICEOVER: But I wasn't sure if sex was something you could just go along with - especially not as a man.
It's OK for women.
They can just lie back, think of England.
Us men, we have to be England.
All right, stop.
I think I'm stuck.
Shit.
Why are you laughing? My dad loves this car.
It's the most expensive thing he's ever bought.
VOICEOVER: What the fuck are we gonna do now? Do you think it's going to explode? It's not a film.
Come on.
Where are you going? Well, we can't drive it, can we? Yeah, well, I might be able to fix it.
We can't just leave it here.
Do you reckon you can still fix it? What should we do? VOICEOVER: Go home? Do you wanna go home? VOICEOVER: Hang on, does he want to go home? Are you saying that you want to go home? Cos that's fine, you can if you want.
No, I don't want to, I was just asking if you wanted to.
I don't want to go home, James.
But I don't want to go home! So, what do you want to do? I don't know.
Why don't you fucking think of something for once? VOICEOVER: I couldn't have done it there, the car would have linked me to the crime.
# Walking all day with my mouth on fire # Trying to get talking to you # Walking all day with my mouth on fire # That's what I've got to do # Trying to get talking to you # Walking all day with my feet on fire # Trying to get closer to you # Walking all day with my feet on fire # That's what I've got to do Trying to get closer to you.
Why is no-one stopping? Probably because you've got your tits out.
I'm serious, no-one stops for weirdos, except other weirdos.
And you look like a proper day release.
You all right? Hi.
I'm heading down south, son, if it's any good to you.
Do you want a lift, or not? Yeah, thanks.
Come on, then.
Come on.
Come on.
I am gonna be so fucked off if we get murdered.
'I can't believe he got in the front.
' Grab us that sweatshirt out the back there, love, Chuck it down to your boyfriend.
Who said he's my boyfriend? 'Alyssa was starting to test my patience.
' Are you all right, love? Is she all right? She's fine.
You're funny, you, I like you.
Is that your dog? Nearly, I'm buying her.
She's cute though, ain't she? Yeah.
Not for long, mind.
She's a Cane Corso.
What's that? Number 23 on the top 25 most dangerous dog list.
For fighting.
They expensive? Just a bit.
You know your car smells like feet.
One of the lads had a couple in Fallujah, they're lethal I tell you.
You in the Army? Five years.
Cool.
So tell me then, what you two been up to, eh? Come on, I ain't going to say anything, what's the matter with you? We haven't done anything.
Sure.
I couldn't give a fuck either way.
I'm just making conversation, you know, I'm not a fucking copper.
I just thought, you know, you might want to make a phone call to your mum or something, let her know you're OK.
My mum is dead actually.
I thought you said your mum was in Japan.
So? So it's a bit different from being dead isn't it? This guy is a prick.
What? He's like the worst kind of person.
He's all right.
Why are you defending him? He's a murderer.
What? He was in the Army.
He's murdered people.
And now he's buying a dog to murder other dogs with.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Is that your family? That's the Mrs, Liz.
Abbie, that's baby Jack.
Jack looks like a potato.
You what, love? Joke.
I'm joking.
He looks like a ham.
He does though, doesn't he? No.
You guys are so fucking boring.
Sorry.
Don't be daft, son.
She's a bit full on, isn't she, the bird? Yeah, she can be.
Well, that's women, eh? Yeah.
Maybe.
What was it like in the Army? It's was all right, yeah.
Did you kill people? It's a part of the job, son.
How many? Well, it would be sick to keep count, wouldn't it? 'I'd have definitely kept count.
' I'm going to go to the toilet.
Sure, sure.
I say, son, I might as well join you, put one in the bag, you know.
'I'm bad at apologising to people.
But sometimes I know I should.
' What happened to your hand? 'Sometimes I just let things happen.
Even though I didn't want them to.
' 'I'm not sure why.
' What's going on? Are you gay? No.
It's OK if you are.
I'm not.
But you should tell me if you are.
I'm not gay.
So what are you doing? Where you're going! Well, I got to go, the dogs not going to collect herself, now is she? Give me your wallet.
You what? Give me your wallet.
No.
No.
Give me your wallet or I swear to fuck I'll go and visit Liz, and Abbie, and your weird potato baby and tell them what you like to do with teenage boys in toilets.
You wouldn't do that.
I'll tell the police too.
He put my hand there.
You know, if people want to do stuff to you, you don't have to let them.
Yeah.
Do you? Yeah.
So why did you? Did something bad happen to you when you were small? No.
I'm tired.
A double room.
Yep.
A double room with a double bed for double sex.
'I really need to cry.
' Do you want to watch TV? OK.
Find some porn.
TV HOST: Are you ready to answer the big question? GROANS COMING FROM TV Where you going? Toilet.
TOILET FLUSHES You all right? I'm going to the vending machine.
OK.
PHONE RINGS Hello? Hello? Is that you Alyssa? It is you, isn't it? Can I speak to my mum? She doesn't want to speak to you.
It's good.
SEX NOISES COME FROM TV Can I turn it off? Yeah.
I can't go home, like, ever.
You can.
I don't want to.
Do you want me? What? Do you want me, or do you just go along with things? I want you.
I'm going to go to my dad's, you can come if you want.
Yeah.
OK.
James? Yeah? Will you cuddle me? Police, please.
Guess what freedom smells like? What? Cow shit.
Seatbelt? Fuck seatbelts.
So, what do you want to do? I don't know.
Because we can literally do anything, James.
Anything we want.
Die, die, die! VOICEOVER: Ironically, I was not in my element.
Come on! This is shit.
VOICEOVER: Sometimes I look at him and I think, "Are you a bit dead?" Put your tongue in my ear.
What? I like it.
ALYSSA LAUGHS OVER PA SYSTEM: Right, stop that now.
Sorry.
VOICEOVER: Alyssa was really good at annoying people.
Thank God I smashed my phone.
Bet my mum's been calling nonstop.
Stupid bitch.
How long till your dad calls the police? What? About the car.
He won't.
Really? Yeah.
I think they're coming home soon.
He's a prick and everything, but he's pretty optimistic.
What? What? I like food.
OK.
VOICEOVER: My mum says that if food were her boyfriend, she'd be in an abusive relationship.
She says it like it's a joke, but it's not.
What? Did you bring money with you? Didn't you? Yeah, I just spent it at Laser Kill.
That was all your money? I didn't have to pay for you, I was being fucking polite, actually.
What are we going to do? Well, it's just food.
And we haven't eaten all of it.
You haven't.
The only rule with these things is that you never steal from a smaller, independent business.
Whose rule is that? My dad's.
He's basically Robin Hood.
He breaks the law and stuff, but he's really moral.
If it's a chain, it's free rein.
Say it.
If it's a chain, it's free rein.
There you go.
Otherwise, you're basically funding terrorism.
Places like this are all run the Man.
What man? The Man man.
The Man who, you know, owns all the oil, forces Chinese children to make smartphones and hates Palestine.
Are you going to be a pussy? VOICEOVER: Showing willing was the best approach with Alyssa.
No.
VOICEOVER: Shit.
Nice one.
Seatbelt.
Fuck seatbelts.
VOICEOVER: I had her right where I wanted her.
We should have sex.
What, now? Yeah.
Take your top off.
Oh, OK.
VOICEOVER: I had to go along with it.
Should Should we Should we stop? No, keep driving.
VOICEOVER: But I wasn't sure if sex was something you could just go along with - especially not as a man.
It's OK for women.
They can just lie back, think of England.
Us men, we have to be England.
All right, stop.
I think I'm stuck.
Shit.
Why are you laughing? My dad loves this car.
It's the most expensive thing he's ever bought.
VOICEOVER: What the fuck are we gonna do now? Do you think it's going to explode? It's not a film.
Come on.
Where are you going? Well, we can't drive it, can we? Yeah, well, I might be able to fix it.
We can't just leave it here.
Do you reckon you can still fix it? What should we do? VOICEOVER: Go home? Do you wanna go home? VOICEOVER: Hang on, does he want to go home? Are you saying that you want to go home? Cos that's fine, you can if you want.
No, I don't want to, I was just asking if you wanted to.
I don't want to go home, James.
But I don't want to go home! So, what do you want to do? I don't know.
Why don't you fucking think of something for once? VOICEOVER: I couldn't have done it there, the car would have linked me to the crime.
# Walking all day with my mouth on fire # Trying to get talking to you # Walking all day with my mouth on fire # That's what I've got to do # Trying to get talking to you # Walking all day with my feet on fire # Trying to get closer to you # Walking all day with my feet on fire # That's what I've got to do Trying to get closer to you.
Why is no-one stopping? Probably because you've got your tits out.
I'm serious, no-one stops for weirdos, except other weirdos.
And you look like a proper day release.
You all right? Hi.
I'm heading down south, son, if it's any good to you.
Do you want a lift, or not? Yeah, thanks.
Come on, then.
Come on.
Come on.
I am gonna be so fucked off if we get murdered.
'I can't believe he got in the front.
' Grab us that sweatshirt out the back there, love, Chuck it down to your boyfriend.
Who said he's my boyfriend? 'Alyssa was starting to test my patience.
' Are you all right, love? Is she all right? She's fine.
You're funny, you, I like you.
Is that your dog? Nearly, I'm buying her.
She's cute though, ain't she? Yeah.
Not for long, mind.
She's a Cane Corso.
What's that? Number 23 on the top 25 most dangerous dog list.
For fighting.
They expensive? Just a bit.
You know your car smells like feet.
One of the lads had a couple in Fallujah, they're lethal I tell you.
You in the Army? Five years.
Cool.
So tell me then, what you two been up to, eh? Come on, I ain't going to say anything, what's the matter with you? We haven't done anything.
Sure.
I couldn't give a fuck either way.
I'm just making conversation, you know, I'm not a fucking copper.
I just thought, you know, you might want to make a phone call to your mum or something, let her know you're OK.
My mum is dead actually.
I thought you said your mum was in Japan.
So? So it's a bit different from being dead isn't it? This guy is a prick.
What? He's like the worst kind of person.
He's all right.
Why are you defending him? He's a murderer.
What? He was in the Army.
He's murdered people.
And now he's buying a dog to murder other dogs with.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Is that your family? That's the Mrs, Liz.
Abbie, that's baby Jack.
Jack looks like a potato.
You what, love? Joke.
I'm joking.
He looks like a ham.
He does though, doesn't he? No.
You guys are so fucking boring.
Sorry.
Don't be daft, son.
She's a bit full on, isn't she, the bird? Yeah, she can be.
Well, that's women, eh? Yeah.
Maybe.
What was it like in the Army? It's was all right, yeah.
Did you kill people? It's a part of the job, son.
How many? Well, it would be sick to keep count, wouldn't it? 'I'd have definitely kept count.
' I'm going to go to the toilet.
Sure, sure.
I say, son, I might as well join you, put one in the bag, you know.
'I'm bad at apologising to people.
But sometimes I know I should.
' What happened to your hand? 'Sometimes I just let things happen.
Even though I didn't want them to.
' 'I'm not sure why.
' What's going on? Are you gay? No.
It's OK if you are.
I'm not.
But you should tell me if you are.
I'm not gay.
So what are you doing? Where you're going! Well, I got to go, the dogs not going to collect herself, now is she? Give me your wallet.
You what? Give me your wallet.
No.
No.
Give me your wallet or I swear to fuck I'll go and visit Liz, and Abbie, and your weird potato baby and tell them what you like to do with teenage boys in toilets.
You wouldn't do that.
I'll tell the police too.
He put my hand there.
You know, if people want to do stuff to you, you don't have to let them.
Yeah.
Do you? Yeah.
So why did you? Did something bad happen to you when you were small? No.
I'm tired.
A double room.
Yep.
A double room with a double bed for double sex.
'I really need to cry.
' Do you want to watch TV? OK.
Find some porn.
TV HOST: Are you ready to answer the big question? GROANS COMING FROM TV Where you going? Toilet.
TOILET FLUSHES You all right? I'm going to the vending machine.
OK.
PHONE RINGS Hello? Hello? Is that you Alyssa? It is you, isn't it? Can I speak to my mum? She doesn't want to speak to you.
It's good.
SEX NOISES COME FROM TV Can I turn it off? Yeah.
I can't go home, like, ever.
You can.
I don't want to.
Do you want me? What? Do you want me, or do you just go along with things? I want you.
I'm going to go to my dad's, you can come if you want.
Yeah.
OK.
James? Yeah? Will you cuddle me? Police, please.