The Fall Guy (1981) s01e02 Episode Script
The Meek Shall Inherit Rhonda
WELL, I'M NOT THE KIND TO KISS AND TELL BUT I'VE BEEN SEEN WITH FARRAH I'VE NEVER BEEN WITH ANYTHING LESS THAN A NINE SO FINE I'VE BEEN ON FIRE WITH SALLY FIELD GONE FAS WITH A GIRL NAMED BO BUT SOMEHOW THEY JUS DON'T END UP AS MINE IT'S A DEATH-DEFYIN' LIFE I LEAD I TAKE MY CHANCES I DIE FOR A LIVIN' IN THE MOVIES AND TV [ Siren Wailing .]
BUT THE HARDEST THING I EVER DO IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES KISS SOME OTHER GUY WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE I MIGHT FALL FROM A TALL BUILDIN' I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MADE REDFORD SUCH A STAR [ Women Vocalizing .]
I'VE NEVER SPEN MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL BUT I'VE TAUGH LADIES PLENTY IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY BODY OUT FOR PAY HEY, HEY I'VE GOTTEN BURNED OVER CHERYL TIEGS BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY HEY, HEY I MIGHT JUMP AN OPEN DRAWBRIDGE OR TARZAN FROM A VINE 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MAKES EASTWOOD LOOK SO FINE [ Colt Narrating .]
THIS IS THE STORY OF ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.
YOU'VE CHEERED FOR HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM, WOMEN HAVE WANTED TO DIE FOR HIM.
BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.
HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.
AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN' SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS-- WELL, BECAUSE IT'S ME, COLT SEAVERS.
ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.
SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.
WELL, ONE WAY IS TO WAIT BY THE PHONE AND WAIT AND WAIT.
THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED INNOCEN UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES A LO OF THESE PEOPLE GET OUT OF JAIL ON WHAT WE CALL BAIL.
AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.
THAT'S WHERE I COME IN.
I SOMETIMES PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.
AND THAT REMINDS ME OF A VERY INTERESTING CASE WHERE SOME SKYDIVING SKILLS CAME IN REAL HANDY.
YEAH, THAT LOOKS GOOD.
HOLD HER NICE AND STEADY.
[ Jody On Radio .]
WITH ALL DUE RESPEC TO ROBERT WAGNER, COLT, PLEASE-- ARE YOU SURE YOU WANNA GO THROUGH WITH THIS? WELL, IT'S ONLY THE FIRST STEP THAT'S TRICKY.
I'LL BE SEEING YOU, I HOPE.
HAVE YOU GOT HIM LINED UP? RELAX.
JODY.
I'VE BEEN FLYING SINCE I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.
HOW DO YOU THINK I GOT INTO THE AIR FORCE ACADEMY? WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN? I GOTTA GET BACK TO THE SET.
[ Colt .]
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN WHAT I'M GONNA SHOW YA.
IT'S EXACTLY THE KIND OF STUN YOU NEED ON HART TO HART.
EVERYONE'LL BE TALKIN' ABOUT IT.
COLT, I'D PREFER THA THEY'D COME AWAY TALKING ABOUT ME, NOT YOU.
THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.
THEY'LL THINK IT IS YOU.
- THERE HE IS.
- WHERE? RIGHT THERE.
YOU MADE ME TAKE FOUR HOURS IN THE MIDDLE OF MY DAY TO COME OUT HERE AND WATCH COL DO A SKYDIVE? THAT'S THE OLDEST STUN IN THE WORLD.
HE ISN'T WEARING A PARACHUTE, R.
J.
HE'S NOT WEARING A PARACHUTE? WHAT IS HE, SOME KIND OF A BANANA OR SOME-- HE MUST BE CRAZY.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
HE'S NOT WEARING A CHUTE.
R.
J.
, THE ENDING OF YOUR NEXT HART TO HAR CALLS FOR YOU TO BE FORCED OUT OF THE AIRPLANE WITH A FAULTY PARACHUTE.
THOUGHT I'D SHOW YOU A BETTER WAY TO GO.
WHAT BETTER WAY? YOU'RE GONNA SAVE YOURSELF BY FREE-FALLING TO ANOTHER AIRPLANE.
- COLT, HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING? - INCREASE YOUR SPEED 30 KNOTS, HOWIE.
YOU SLOW DOWN ON ME, I COULD WIND UP IN YOUR PROPELLER.
-YOU KNOW, THAT MAN IS OBVIOUSLY A CARD-CARRYING LUNATIC.
-[ Colt .]
YOU'RE COUNTING.
FIVE, FOUR, THREE-- BETTER SPEED HER UP A LITTLE, HOWIE.
I'M COMIN' IN TOO FAST.
SPEED IT UP.
SPEED IT UP.
LOOK OUT! HE'S GONNA HIT! MY GOD! HE BOUNCED RIGHT OFF US! HE'S GOING IN! COLT! COLT! [ Howie .]
EVERYONE HANG ON.
[ Jody .]
OH, GOD, COLT.
KNOCK IT OFF, JODY.
THAT'S NOT HOW WE PLANNED THE BACKUP.
BACKUP? HOWIE, HE'S UNCONSCIOUS.
COLT TOLD US WHAT TO DO IF SOMETHING WENT WRONG.
YEAH, BUT HE'S PROBABLY DEAD.
PAY ATTENTION.
YOU HAVE WORK TO DO.
LISTEN TO HIM, JODY.
IT'S THE ONLY CHANCE COLT HAS.
GET READY TO JUMP.
OH, GOD.
TEN, NINE, EIGHT-- AND GO! COME ON.
YOU CAN DO IT, JODY.
COLT! COLT! CAN YOU HEAR ME? PLEASE HEAR ME.
PLEASE SAY SOMETHING.
PERFECT, JODY.
PERFECT.
YOU WERE CONSCIOUS THE WHOLE TIME! AND YOU'RE WEARING A CHUTE! WE HAD TO TEST THE BACKUP.
AND YOU WERE IN ON IT TOO, R.
J.
DO YOU THINK I'D GO ALONG WITH IT IF I DIDN'T THINK COLT KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING? - I MEAN, I WOULDN'T DO THAT.
- YOU DIRTY, ROTTEN-- HEY! STUPID MALES.
[ Big Jack .]
I CAME AS SOON AS I HEARD.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? [ Colt .]
JACK, REALLY, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE.
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I CARE ABOUT YOU.
WELL, YOU SURE HIDE IT WELL.
I'M EVEN HEARTBROKEN YOU'LL HAVE TO LAY OFF STUNTS FOR EIGHT WEEKS.
SAID WHO? THE DOCTOR.
IT'LL BE TORTURE FOR YOU TO STAY ON THE SIDELINES THAT LONG, BUT-- BUT NOTHING.
WHAT DO DOCTORS KNOW? I'LL BE READY TO GO BACK TO WORK IN A WEEK.
BUT STILL, A WEEK IS A LONG TIME FOR A MAN LIKE YOU TO LAY AROUND THE HOUSE.
[ Woman On P.
A.
.]
DR.
PARKER, EMERGENCY ROOM.
DR.
PARKER, EMERGENCY ROOM.
- WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT? - WELL, I'M WILLING TO DO YOU A FAVOR, AND GIVE YOU A VERY EASY CASE TO KEEP YOUR MIND OFF YOUR INJURIES.
OH, NO.
FORGET IT, JACK.
LOOK, I'M A STUNTMAN FIRST, NOT A BOUNTY HUNTER.
I SWEAR, COLT, THIS ONE'S A SNAP.
LOOK A THIS HARMLESS LITTLE PUSSYCAT.
HIS NAME IS MILTON BOX.
HE'S A COMPUTER EXPERT.
HE MADE A LITTLE MISTAKE, AND HE RIPPED OFF A BANK FOR FIVE MILLION DOLLARS.
HE GOT CAUGH AND I BAILED HIM OUT.
AND THEN HE MADE ANOTHER LITTLE MISTAKE AND JUMPED BAIL.
LOOK, DO YOU WANT TO EARN AN EASY 10 GRAND OR NOT? YEAH, ABOUT AS EASY AS CATCHING THAT SCHOOLTEACHER FROM PASADENA THAT STOLE HER MOTHER'S CAT.
DON'T BLAME ME FOR THAT.
I HAD NO IDEA IT WAS A CERAMIC CAT.
YEAH, OR THAT IT WAS FILLED WITH HEROIN.
BUT YOU KNEW THE SCHOOLTEACHER WAS A HOOKER.
WELL, ONLY IN HER SPARE TIME.
BUT I HAD NO IDEA HER MOTHER WAS A MADAM.
ALL I KNOW IS I GOT CAUGHT UP IN A CROSS FIRE THAT WOULD HAVE MADE CUSTER FEEL LUCKY.
BUT THIS ONE WILL BE DIFFERENT.
LOOK AT THIS MAN.
CAN YOU TELL ME YOU'RE SCARED OF HIM? COME ON, WHAT'S THE CATCH? WHAT DID HE DO, MURDER HIS MOTHER OR SOMETHING? HE LOVES HIS MOTHER-- AND HE'S DEVOTED TO HIS WIFE.
BUT HOW DID THE POLICE LET HIM GET AWAY? ALL THEY HAD TO DO WAS LET HIM OUT OF JAIL AND FOLLOW HIM TO THE MONEY.
THEY TRIED THAT.
YEAH? AND THEN WHAT? HE GAVE THEM THE SLIP.
UH-HUH.
COLT.
[ Sneezes .]
GOD BLESS YOU.
THANK YOU.
[ Colt .]
THE ONLY LEAD SO FAR IS THA MILTON'S WIFE IS MISSING TOO.
WOW.
RHONDA STARR IS HOT STUFF.
WHAT DOES SHE SEE IN MILTON? RIGHT NOW, FIVE MILLION BUCKS.
THAT COULD HELP CHANGE A GUY'S IMAGE.
YEAH.
WELL, RHONDA'S A MOVIE EXTRA.
THE POLICE QUESTIONED A FRIEND OF HERS, ROSE DANTON.
THEY DIDN'T GET MUCH, EXCEPT THAT RHONDA WALKED OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF A JOB.
FALL GUY, THIS IS JODY.
COLT, I'VE TALKED TO SCREEN EXTRAS GUILD.
- ROSE DANTON'S WORKING ON A MOVIE RIGHT NOW.
- YEAH? WHERE? SHE'S WORKING AT TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX TODAY.
RIGHT.
WE GOT IT, JODY.
THANKS.
YOU THINK YOU CAN GE MORE INFORMATION OU OF THIS ROSE? WITH MY CHARM? ROSE? EXCUSE ME.
ROSE DANTON? YEAH.
I'M COLT SEAVERS.
I UNDERSTAND YOU DO A LITTLE STUNT WORK EVERY NOW AND THEN.
YEAH.
WELL, I'M COORDINATING STUNTS FOR A BIG PICTURE COMING UP.
YEAH? AND I'M GOING TO NEED SOME ESPECIALLY ATTRACTIVE WOMEN WHO CAN DO STUNTS.
ARE YOU INTERESTED? YEAH.
WELL, THE FACT IS, I'M GONNA NEED FOUR GIRLS, AND YOU CAME HIGHLY RECOMMENDED ALONG WITH A GIRL I THINK THAT'S A FRIEND OF YOURS.
YEAH? A RHONDA STARR.
YEAH.
YEAH.
YOU, UH-- COULD YOU HELP PUT ME IN TOUCH WITH HER? NO.
WELL, WHY NOT? SHE'S OUT OF THE COUNTRY.
WELL, HOW FAR OU IS SHE? MEXICO.
SHE'S NOT COMIN' BACK.
WE'LL BE PAYING AWFULLY BIG MONEY.
HEY, COLT, TRUST ME.
THIS TIME SHE THINKS SHE'S HITCHED HER WAGON TO A STAR-- I MEAN A REAL ONE-- JERRY ROME.
THANKS.
YOU'RE A REAL GENTLEMAN.
WOW.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT? HER HUSBAND HASN'T EVEN COME TO TRIAL YET, AND SHE'S RUN OFF WITH SOME ACTOR.
NOW HOW DO WE FIND HIM? OH, ACTORS ARE EASY, KID.
THEY ALWAYS LEAVE A NUMBER.
[ Phone Ringing .]
HELLO? UH, JERRY? COLT SEAVERS.
- WHO? - [ Clears Throat .]
COLT SEAVERS.
I'M A STUNTMAN.
A FRIEND OF MINE DOUBLED YOU IN DEVIL'S REVENGE.
OH! WELL, UH, HOW'D YOU TRACK ME DOWN? WELL, NEVER LEAVE YOUR NUMBER WITH YOUR AGEN IF YOU DON'T WANT WORK.
YOU GOT SOMETHING COMING UP? WELL, NO, IT'S NOT MY PICTURE.
I'M JUST RIGGING THE STUNTS FOR FRANCIS.
OF COURSE, I DID TELL HIM ABOUT THE BOOK.
IT WAS ON THE BEST-SELLER LIS FOR A YEAR.
UH, WAIT A MINUTE, UH, COLT.
ARE WE TALKING ABOUT FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA? WELL, NOW, LOOK.
I'M NOT PROMISING ANYTHING SPECIFIC, BUT, OF COURSE, A LEAD IN ANY ONE OF FRANCIS'S PICTURES IS REALLY A-A BIG BREAK.
LEAD? DID YOU SAY LEAD? WELL, LOOK, I'VE PROBABLY SAID MORE THAN I SHOULD ALREADY.
BUT I'LL BE COMING DOWN AROUND THE WEEKEND TO LOOK OVER THE LOCAL AIRPLANE SITUATION.
WELL, JERRY, THIS IS HARD FOR ME TO SAY TO YOU, BUT I JUST CAN'T LIE.
I'M JUST GONNA COME RIGHT OUT WITH IT.
HE DID ASK ME TO LOOK YOU OVER.
LOOK ME OVER? WELL, JERRY, YOU HAVEN'T HAD A PICTURE IN A WHILE, AND TALK IS AROUND TOWN THAT YOU MIGHT BE JUST A LITTLE OVERWEIGHT.
OVERWEIGHT? ME? [ Chuckles .]
WHO TOLD YOU THAT? WELL, I'D RATHER NOT SAY.
BUT I TELL YOU WHAT.
WE'LL BE DOWN AROUND THE WEEKEND.
I LOOK FORWARD TO IT, PAL.
SEE YOU THEN.
WHEW.
I'VE GOT TO LOSE 10 POUNDS BY SUNDAY.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.
MAKING LOVE IS EQUAL TO AN 11-MILE HIKE.
HOW ABOUT A LITTLE RUN? WHY NOT? SO HOW DOES FINDING JERRY ROME BRING US ANY CLOSER TO MILTON BOX? ACCORDING TO THE POLICE REPORT, MILTON WAS PICKED UP TRYING TO CROSS THE BORDER INTO MEXICO.
WHERE DO WE FIND JERRY ROME AND MRS.
BOX? MEXICO.
PRETTY BIG COINCIDENCE.
WHY WOULD MILTON GO THERE WITH THE MONEY WHEN HIS WIFE RAN OFF WITH JERRY ROME? FOR ALL WE KNOW, THAT WAS PART OF THE PLAN TO THROW HER FRIENDS OFF.
JERRY ROME MAY HAVE EVEN HELPED PULL OFF THE ROBBERY.
IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE HIS LAST PICTURE.
ANYWAY, WHO CARES? WE'RE GOING INTO MEXICO-- PUERTO VALLARTA-- LAND OF MYSTERY, ENCHANTMEN AND DARK-EYED WOMEN.
YEAH, DOWN, BOY.
THIS IS BUSINESS.
AT LEAST, IT BETTER BE IF I HAVE TO STAY HOME, COLT.
IT'S ALL BUSINESS, JODY, AND YOU TOO, KID.
ALL OF THESE CASES ARE DANGEROUS, AND I GUARANTEE THERE'S MORE TO MILTON THAN WE KNOW-- THERE HAS TO BE.
EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
SÃ, MI AMIGO.
UH, I'M LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO STAY.
UH-HUH.
YEAH.
SOMETHING-- SOMETHING SPECIAL.
OH, MUCHO ESPECIAL, MUCHO GRANDE, MUY CALUROSO.
NO, NO.
"WRONG-O.
" NO, UH, MUCHO, UH, BARATO.
OH, CHEAP.
YEAH, CHEAPO.
NO TURISTA.
¿COMPRENDE? SURE, SLICK AMIGO.
CHEAP YOU WANT, CHEAP YOU GET, AMIGO.
[ Speaking Spanish .]
[ Mariachis Playing .]
[ Chattering .]
WHERE HAS THIS COUNTRY BEEN ALL MY LIFE? LOOK AT THE LADIES, COLT.
WE'RE HERE TO WORK, KID, NOT PARTY.
BUT ONE COULDN'T HURT.
COLT? COLT SEAVERS.
HEY, JERRY.
HOW ARE YOU? THIS IS MY YOUNG ASSOCIATE, HOWIE MUNSON.
JERRY ROME.
HOWIE.
[ Howie .]
HOW ARE YOU? YOU'RE A BIG ONE.
I BET YOU'RE A STUNTMAN TOO.
GENTLEMEN, THIS IS MY FIRST LADY, RHONDA.
RHONDA, WHY DON'T YOU SHOW COLT'S FRIEND THE LAYOUT? - WE HAVE SOME BUSINESS TO DISCUSS.
- THAT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE.
VERY PRETTY LADY.
DID YOU MEET HER HERE? HOLLYWOOD, ACTUALLY.
NOW ABOUT THIS PICTURE THEY WANT ME FOR-- YOU KNOW, I MIGH BE INTERESTED.
[ Laughs .]
MY GOD.
WHEN WAS THE LAS TIME YOU ATE? UH, WELL, I DID HAVE LUNCH, BUT IT DIDN'T COMPARE TO THIS.
[ Laughs .]
[ Men Singing In Spanish .]
[ Continues .]
IS SOMETHING WRONG? NO, OF COURSE NOT.
LOOK, HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU JUST, UH, MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME, ALL RIGHT? [ Continues .]
STOP IT! STOP IT, I SAID.
[ Ends .]
WHO TOLD YOU TO PLAY THAT SONG? [ Mariachi .]
[ Gasps .]
MI-- WHA-- I MISSED YOU SO MUCH.
MILTON, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? WHAT AM I DOING HERE? YOU'RE MY WIFE.
OH, MILTON, I-- I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE.
YOU GOTTA LEAVE ME ALONE.
YOU DON'T LOVE ME? AFTER ALL I DID FOR YOU? WELL, I DIDN' ASK YOU TO DO IT.
NOW, LOOK.
YOU'VE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.
JERRY'S GONNA KILL YOU.
I MEAN IT.
YEAH, WELL, MAYBE-- MAYBE I'M THE ONE WHO'LL DO THE KILLING.
YEAH.
GOOD OLD MILTON, HUH? WOULDN'T HURT A FLY.
YOU JUST TELL YOUR FRIEND ONE THING-- HE BETTER BE OUT OF HERE BY MORNING, OR I'LL BE WAITING FOR HIM.
WHAT? YOU JUST GIVE HIM THAT MESSAGE.
FRANCIS ALSO THOUGH THAT YOUR HAVING BEEN A PILOT MIGHT MAKE IT EASIER TO DO ALL THE FLYING STUFF DOWN HERE.
DO YOU STILL HAVE A LICENSE? I EVEN HAVE A PRIVATE PLANE.
[ Chuckles .]
BOY, YOU SURE LIVE THE GOOD LIFE.
COLT? COLT, CAN I SEE YOU FOR A SECOND? IT'S URGENT.
WE JUST GOT A CALL FROM THE BIG GUY AT THE STUDIO.
EXCUSE ME.
WHAT BIG GUY? MILTON BOX-- I JUST SAW HIM.
HERE? YEAH.
NOT FOR LONG.
HE'D BEEN TALKING TO RHONDA, AND HE'S LEAVING.
COME ON.
[ Car Departing .]
GREAT.
WE PARKED OUR TRUCK OUT BACK.
I'LL PARK I FOR YOU, MA'AM.
[ Tires Squeal .]
HEY! ARE YOU GUYS PARKING ATTENDANTS? [ Tires Squeal .]
SEÃOR EL CHEAPO, I THINK SOMEBODY IS FOLLOWING US.
PEDRO, I'LL GIVE YOU DOUBLE THE FARE IF YOU LOSE HIM.
AH, SEÃOR, THIS ROAD IS VERY DANGEROUS, AND FOR A FEW PESOS A MAN SHOULD NO RISK HIS LIFE.
HOW ABOU A FEW HUNDRED PESOS? HUNDRED? SEÃOR, YOU JUS BOUGHT YOURSELF A RIDE WITH THE DEVIL.
WELL, IT WON'T BE THE FIRST TIME.
[ Tires Squeal .]
[ Horn Honks .]
[ Tires Squealing .]
YOU TAKE THE WHEEL.
I'M GETTIN' OUT.
YOU'RE WHAT? THIS IS WHERE I GET OFF.
GO BACK, AMIGO.
THIS TAXI'S TAKEN.
I'M WARNING YOU.
I-I'M GONNA SHOOT.
MILTON, CAN YOU HEAR ME? YEAH, I-I CAN HEAR YOU.
IF I SEE YOU, I'M GONNA SHOOT YOU.
YEAH, WELL, IF YOU DON' THROW THAT GUN AWAY, I'M GONNA SHOOT YOUR DRIVER.
- AY, MAMACITA.
- NO.
NO, YOU WOULDN'T-- B-BECAUSE YOU'D GET KILLED RIGHT ALONG WITH ME.
I'M A STUNTMAN.
I DO THIS FOR A LIVING.
NOW, I'M GONNA COUNT TO FIVE.
- ONE-- - PLEASE, SEÃOR! TWO, THREE-- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
- [ Sighs .]
- NOW, MOVE OVER, MILTON, WILL YA? WELL, I KNOW THIS IS A HELL OF A WAY TO GE TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER, BUT BEFORE WE'RE THROUGH WE COULD BECOME REAL GOOD FRIENDS.
IF YOU'RE A STUNTMAN, WHY ARE YOU CHASING ME? OH, BETWEEN JOBS I DO A LITTLE WORK FOR THE COURTS.
I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'D LIKE TO HEAR MY SIDE OF THE STORY.
WE GOT PLENTY OF TIME FOR THAT ON THE WAY BACK TO LOS ANGELES, BUT RIGHT NOW LET'S JUS GET YOUR STUFF PACKED UP AND GET STARTED, HUH? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MILTON IS HERE? HE'S IN JAIL.
NO, HE'S NOT IN JAIL.
HE'S HERE, AND HE HAS A GUN.
HE WOULDN'T DARE USE A GUN.
HE'S A LITTLE WIMP.
WELL, DID YOU THINK HE'D EVER DARE RIP OFF A GOLD EXCHANGE FOR FIVE MILLION DOLLARS? IT'S PERFECT.
PERFECT? HE HAS A GUN.
WHICH GIVES ME EVERY RIGH TO PROTECT YOU FROM THIS CRAZED MANIAC ON THE LOOSE FROM JAIL IN LOS ANGELES.
HE'S A FELON.
ONCE HE'S DEAD, OUR TROUBLES ARE OVER.
I TOLD YOU THERE WASN'T ANY MONEY IN THE ROOM.
I KNOW WHAT YOU TOLD ME.
IF YOU'D JUST TELL ME WHERE IT IS, IT MIGH GO A LOT BETTER FOR YOU.
OH, YEAH.
YEAH, YOU'D LIKE THAT, WOULDN'T YOU? EVERYBODY WOULD LIKE THAT.
LOOK.
ARE YOU A REASONABLE MAN? I LIKE TO THINK SO, YES.
WELL, I HAVEN'T HAD ANYTHING TO EAT SINCE EARLY THIS MORNING, AND COULDN'T WE HAVE OUR SERIOUS DISCUSSION OVER, SAY, STEAK AND SODA POP? ALL RIGHT-- IF YOU PROMISE TO REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE MY PRISONER, AND I AM ARMED.
I PROMISE.
SODA POP.
[ Mariachi .]
OH, THIS IS COZY.
I THOUGHT WE WERE DUCKING OUT OF TOWN IN A HURRY? SIT DOWN, KID.
MILTON HERE WAS JUST ABOU TO EXPLAIN THE WHEREABOUTS OF A CERTAIN FIVE MILLION DOLLARS.
- I DON'T RECALL SAYING THAT.
- YES, YOU DID-- WHEN I AGREED TO BUY YOU THAT NICE, BIG STEAK AND THE SODA POP.
NO.
NO, I SAID I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOU A PROPOSITION.
H-HOW MUCH DO YOU GUYS GE FOR BRINGING ME IN? $10,000.
[ Chuckling .]
YOU MUST BE KIDDING.
NO, THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT.
$10,000.
PLUS EXPENSES.
- I DON'T SEE WHAT'S SO FUNNY.
- COME ON.
A MAN STEALS FIVE MILLION DOLLARS-- U.
S.
CASH-- AND ALL YOU GE IS A PALTRY $10,000? - YOU MADE A BAD DEAL.
- IT'S MY BUSINESS, AND I'LL RUN IT THE WAY I LIKE.
BESIDES, I DON'T LIKE PUTTING HIGH PRICES ON A MAN'S HEAD.
I MEAN, I CONSIDER WHAT I DO A FORM OF POLICE WORK.
ALL I WANT IS AN HONEST WAGE FOR AN HONEST JOB.
THEN I GUESS YOU WOULDN'T BE INTERESTED IN MY PROPOSITION.
IF IT'S A FAIR-AND-SQUARE OFFER TO RETURN THE MONEY FOR PLEA-BARGAINING, YEAH, I'D BE INTERESTED IN LISTENING TO YOU.
AW, FORGET PLEA-BARGAINING.
I'M OFFERING YOU AND YOUR FRIEND HERE A GOOD SHARE OF THE MONEY I STOLE.
- ARE YOU TRYING TO BRIBE ME? - ABSOLUTELY.
ALL RIGHT, MILTON.
DINNER'S OVER.
THAT'S IT.
LET'S GO.
FIVE PERCENT.
NOT INTERESTED.
TEN PERCENT? NOT INTERESTED.
COLT, THAT'S A HALF MILLION DOLLARS.
I HEARD HIM.
I'M STILL NOT INTERESTED.
GRACIAS, SEÃOR.
WELL, THEN NEITHER AM I.
I'M JUST GONNA STAY HERE.
MILTON, I'M ONLY SAYING THIS ONCE.
GET ON YOUR FEET.
YEAH, I'M SURE YOU'D SHOOT ME RIGHT HERE IN FRON OF ALL THESE INNOCENT PEOPLE.
SOME OF 'EM DON'T LOOK SO INNOCENT.
I'M ONLY TELLING YOU ONE MORE TIME, THEN I'M GONNA PU THIS GUN BEHIND YOUR BACK AND MARCH YOU OUT OF HERE.
- NOW, ON YOUR FEET.
COME ON.
- OKAY.
JUST DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.
UH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
SEÃORES, SEÃORITAS.
- ALTHOUGH I'M NEW TO YOUR QUAINT LITTLE VILLAGE-- - MILTON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I THINK YOU OUGHT TO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE A CROOK IN YOUR MIDST.
[ Chattering .]
- I'M THAT CROOK.
- [ Laughter .]
AND I JUS OFFERED THIS MAN HERE A HALF A MILLION DOLLARS NOT TO TAKE ME BACK TO LOS ANGELES AS HIS PRISONER.
- COLT, I DON'T LIKE THE SOUND OF THIS.
- MILTON, WILL YOU SHUT UP? NOW, Y-YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT HE'S A VERY BRAVE AND COURAGEOUS AND HONEST MAN, BECAUSE HE SAID NO.
BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, HE'S ALSO VERY STUPID.
THAT'S IT.
SO WHAT I'M DOING IS, I'M OFFERING-- I'M OFFERING ALL OF YOU THE SAME HALF A MILLION U.
S.
DOLLARS TO KEEP HIM FROM TAKING ME ACROSS THE BORDER.
THINK ABOUT IT-- A HALF A MILLION BIG ONES.
MILTON, I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT YOU JUST DID.
WELL, ANY POR IN A STORM.
COME ON, GET IN.
COLT, WE ARE IN SERIOUS TROUBLE HERE.
YOU DON'T EXPEC ANYONE IN THERE TO TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY, DO YOU? [ Clamoring .]
MILTON, YOU HAVE JUST MADE THE SECOND-BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE.
¡MUCHACHOS! [ Shouting In Spanish .]
[ Howie .]
I DON'T SEE ANYONE.
I THINK WE GOT AWAY CLEAN.
THAT'S A LITTLE TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.
I WISH THEY'D TAKEN ME.
MILTON, ISN'T A LITTLE JAIL TIME BETTER THAN BEING DEAD? NOT WITHOUT RHONDA.
I-I JUST DON'T WANT TO LIVE IF I CAN'T HAVE HER.
MILTON, I DON'T LIKE TO SAY THIS, BUT I DON'T THINK RHONDA'S BEEN ALTOGETHER LOYAL TO YOU.
DON'T SAY THAT.
DON'T SAY ANYTHING AGAINST RHONDA.
MILTON, I'M WARNING YOU.
MILTON! MILTON-- NO, YOU DON'T.
NO, YOU DON'T.
NOBODY'S EVER GONNA TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME AGAIN.
NO.
I'M NO MORE MR.
PUSHOVER.
I'M IN CHARGE NOW.
MILTON, GIVE ME THE GUN.
LAY ONE HAND ON ME AND I'LL SHOOT.
GO AHEAD.
EVERYONE THINKS I'M WORTHLESS-- EVEN TOTAL STRANGERS.
I DON'T THINK YOU'RE WORTHLESS, MILTON, JUST CROOKED.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN CARE IF I KILLED MYSELF.
NO, I JUST WASN'T WORRIED ABOUT YOU DOING I WITH AN EMPTY GUN.
[ Clicks .]
IS-ISN'T SOMEBODY GONNA GUARD ME? WHERE YOU GONNA GO? YOU REALLY THINK ANYONE'S GONNA TRY AND TAKE HIM AWAY FROM US? FOR A HALF A MILLION DOLLARS? GEEZ.
WE GOTTA BE PREPARED FOR THE WORST.
EVER USE A SEMI-AUTOMATIC? COLT, MY TWO YEARS AT WEST POINT.
I KNOW.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE ASKED.
[ Vehicle Approaching .]
UH-OH.
GET IN.
MR.
SEAVERS, I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING I OUGHT TO TELL YOU.
NOT NOW, MILTON.
YOU'VE ALREADY CREATED ONE MESS FOR US.
YEAH, BUT I MIGHT HAVE CREATED AN EVEN BIGGER MESS OVER THERE.
[ Man .]
MR.
SEAVERS-- - CAN YOU HEAR ME? - THEY KNOW YOUR NAME.
YEAH.
YES, I CAN HEAR YOU.
WHAT DO YOU WANT? YOUR PRISONER-- TURN HIM OVER.
WE WILL LET YOU GO UNHARMED.
I CAN'T DO THAT.
I'M AN OFFICER OF THE COURT.
- NOT IN MEXICO.
- WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER, FRIEND.
HE'S WANTED IN THE UNITED STATES.
HE CROSSED YOUR BORDERS ILLEGALLY.
THAT IS A MATTER FOR OUR COURTS.
I WILL GIVE YOU TWO MINUTES.
- COLT, THERE MUST BE 40 OF THEM.
- I CAN COUNT.
DO AS HE SAYS.
I DON'T WANNA SEE ANYONE GET KILLED.
WE CAN'T TRUST THESE MEN NOT TO KILL YOU ONCE YOU LEAD 'EM TO THE MONEY.
WHERE IS THE MONEY, MILTON? I-I CAN'T TELL YOU.
ONE MINUTE, MR.
SEAVERS.
YOU GUYS GET DOWN QUICK.
[ Engine Starts .]
HOLY-- COLT, WE CAN'T BREAK THROUGH WITHOUT KILLING SOMEONE.
YEAH.
US.
YOUR TIME IS UP.
RELEASE THE PRISONER OR WE WILL TAKE HIM.
DO IT.
DO IT.
MILTON, YOU MAY THINK YOU'RE GONNA BUY 'EM OFF WITH HALF THE MONEY.
YOU'RE NOT.
YEAH, BUT THAT-THAT'S MY PROBLEM.
YOU GUYS JUST GET OUT OF HERE.
SAVE YOURSELVES.
- COLT, WE DON'T HAVE ANY CHOICE.
- MILTON, YOU'LL BE KILLED.
WITHOUT RHONDA, I DON'T CARE.
LOOK, I DON'T LIKE HAVING A PRISONER TAKEN FROM ME AT GUNPOINT.
IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO HIM, I'M GONNA LOOK YOU UP.
I DON'T THINK YOU ARE IN ANY POSITION TO BE MAKING THREATS.
[ Men Whooping, Cheering .]
GRACIAS, SEÃOR SEAVERS.
AND I WOULDN'T RECOMMEND GOING TO THE LOCAL AUTHORITIES.
YOU DIDN'T CHOOSE TO WORK WITH THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.
THEY'RE LIABLE TO PUT YOU IN JAIL FOR CARRYING UNAUTHORIZED WEAPONS.
[ Laughs .]
VÃMONOS.
KID.
YEAH? I CAN'T LET 'EM TAKE HIM.
I KNOW.
CAN'T ASK YOU TO GO WITH ME.
CAN'T STOP ME FROM GOING ALONG EITHER.
THERE'S AN AWFUL LO OF 'EM.
THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE IS ON OUR SIDE.
THEY COULDN'T POSSIBLY THINK WE'D BE STUPID ENOUGH TO TRY AND SAVE AN IDIOT LIKE MILTON.
MAKES SENSE TO ME.
[ Tires Squealing .]
[ Colt .]
THIS MUST BE THE PLACE.
THERE ARE THE TRUCKS.
I'D HAVE TO BE CRAZY TO WALK AROUND WITH FIVE MILLION DOLLARS ON ME.
I-I JUST TOOK ENOUGH TO GET TO MEXICO AND A LITTLE TO SURVIVE ON.
HE'S DOIN' ALL RIGHT.
AT LEAST HE'S ALIVE.
[ Man .]
SEEM TO UNDERSTAND.
- COLT.
- [ Man Continues, Indistinct .]
SOMETHING JUS DOESN'T SMELL RIGH ABOUT THIS OPERATION.
THEY'RE BEING TOO POLITE.
THOSE GUNS LOOKED DOWNRIGHT MEAN TO ME.
IF WE'RE GONNA GET MILTON OUT OF HERE, WE GOTTA CREATE A DISTRACTION.
COME ON.
I ASK YOU FOR THE LAST TIME! WHERE IS THE RES OF THE MONEY? THE $500,000 YOU PROMISED FOR YOUR FREEDOM.
COLT, THAT'S AN AWFUL LO OF PLASTIQUE.
YEAH, WELL, THERE'S AN AWFUL LOT OF GUNS.
WE'LL FIND OU HOW MUCH I KNOW ABOUT SPECIAL EFFECTS IN ABOUT FIVE MINUTES.
[ Clamoring .]
[ Speaking Spanish .]
OKAY, PAL, NOW WE'RE EVEN.
NOT EVEN, SEÃOR SEAVERS.
YOU ARE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.
I DON'T THINK SO.
I DON'T THINK YOUR FRIENDS WILL BE ABLE TO CATCH US.
YOU ARE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.
I AM A POLICE OFFICER.
WHAT DID YOU SAY? IF YOU WILL CHECK THE WALLE IN MY COAT, YOU WILL SEE FOR YOURSELF.
[ Colt .]
OH, NO, MILTON.
- NOW YOU'RE REALLY MADE ME MAD.
- HE NEVER SHOWED ME THAT.
IT WAS OUR PURPOSE TO MAKE HIM THINK WE WERE FELLOW CRIMINALS SO HE WOULD LEAD US TO THE STOLEN MONEY.
ALL THIS IN COOPERATION WITH THE LOS ANGELES POLICE DEPARTMENT.
COLT, COME ON.
THEY'RE ALL HEADING THIS WAY.
BOLT HIM TO THE FLOOR.
YOU ARE TREATING ME LIKE A CRIMINAL.
FOR ALL I KNOW, YOU AND THAT PACK ARE IN BUSINESS TOGETHER.
I WARN YOU, SEÃOR.
OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE IS ONE THING, BUT KIDNAPPING IS QUITE ANOTHER.
¡MUCHACHOS! [ Muffled .]
[ Men Shouting .]
ALL RIGHT, MILTON, THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY WE'RE ALL GONNA GET OUT OF THIS WITHOUT GOING TO JAIL.
YOU'RE GONNA TAKE US TO THE MONEY.
I CAN'T DO THAT.
MILTON.
IT'S THE TRUTH.
I DON'T HAVE IT.
IF YOU DON'T, WHO DOES? RHONDA HAS IT.
I GAVE IT TO HER.
YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING.
I ONLY TOOK I TO WIN HER BACK.
IT WAS ALL PLANNED.
WE WERE GONNA MEET HERE IN MEXICO, LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
WHAT HAPPENED? RHONDA DECIDED SHE'D RATHER LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER WITH JERRY ROME.
I-I CAN'T STAND IT.
IF HE DARES TO LAY A HAND ON HER-- IF THEY KNEW YOU WERE PLANNING ON COMING TO MEXICO, WHY DIDN'T THEY GO SOMEPLACE ELSE? BECAUSE JERRY ROME KNEW HOW I'D GET TO MEXICO AFTER I'D GIVEN RHONDA THE MONEY.
HE PHONED THE POLICE.
TIPPED 'EM OFF.
HE FIGURED I'D BE STUCK IN JAIL WITHOUT ENOUGH MONEY TO RAISE BAIL.
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK IT WAS JERRY THAT TURNED YOU IN AND NOT RHONDA? SHE WOULDN'T DO THAT.
OH, NOT RHONDA.
SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT KNEW YOUR PLANS.
THEN HE MUST HAVE BEAT IT OUT OF HER.
[ Phone Ringing .]
HELLO? THIS IS COLT SEAVERS.
CAN YOU TALK PRIVATELY? - YES.
WHAT IS IT? - IT'S ABOUT RHONDA'S HUSBAND, MILTON.
WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOU HER HUSBAND? I THOUGH YOU WERE HERE ON A PICTURE.
WELL, JERRY, I MAY AS WELL TELL YOU THE TRUTH.
WE MAY BE ALL OUT OF TIME IF I DON'T.
WHO IS IT? IT'S COLT.
IF THAT'S RHONDA YOU'RE TALKING TO, THERE'S NO ROOM FOR HER IN THIS DEAL.
WHAT DEAL? I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
LOOK, JERRY, I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FIVE MILLION DOLLARS.
NOW, I'M WILLING TO DEAL IF YOU'RE WILLING TO LISTEN.
- THEN THE MOVIE WAS ALL A HOAX? - FORGET THE PICTURE.
LOOK, I'M NO EXACTLY MAKING MONEY AS A STUNTMAN, YOU KNOW.
YOU'VE GOT A CHOICE.
IT'S HALF THE MONEY OR JAIL.
THIS IS PREPOSTEROUS.
I'M GONNA CALL THE POLICE RIGHT NOW.
GO AHEAD, WHILE I IMPLICATE YOU IN A MURDER.
MURDER? YEAH.
CALL THE POLICE.
THERE'S A CAPTAIN DELGADO.
- THEY THINK HE'S MISSING.
I KNOW HE'S DEAD.
- WHAT DO YOU WANT? MY PARTNER WAS KILLED IN THE SAME CROSS FIRE AS DELGADO.
NOW THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHERE THE MONEY IS IS MILTON AND YOU AND RHONDA AND ME.
NOW, IF YOU WANNA CUT RHONDA OUT OF ALL THIS WITHOUT MAKING A MESS, JUST TELL HER THA I'M DEMANDING ALL THE MONEY IN RETURN FOR MY SILENCE.
THEN WHAT? THEN YOU GET THE MONEY AND GET YOUR PLANE READY.
I'LL MEET YOU AT THE AIRPORT.
WHERE DO WE GO FROM THERE? AFTER YOU DROP ME OFF, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.
THAT SOUNDS NICE AND NEAT.
BUT, UH, WHAT'S TO PREVENT ME FROM TAKING OFF ON MY OWN? JERRY, I'M A PROFESSIONAL HUNTER, AND FOR THAT KIND OF MONEY, I'LL FIND YOU.
- DO YOU UNDERSTAND? - YES, I GUESS I DO UNDERSTAND.
WHAT WAS ALL THAT ABOUT? COLT SEAVERS IS A BOUNTY HUNTER.
- WHAT? HOW-- HOW COULD HE KNOW? - THAT IDIOT HUSBAND OF YOURS.
[ Groans .]
NOW, LOOK.
WE HAVEN'T A CHOICE.
I HAVE TO GIVE HIM THE MONEY IF YOU AND I ARE EVER GOING TO HAVE ANY HAPPINESS.
NOW GO GET THE MONEY.
ARE YOU READY? READY.
YOU TAKE THIS SEAT.
I'M SURE YOU'RE A BETTER PILOT THAN I.
JUST LET ME SEE THE COLOR OF YOUR MONEY.
WELL, I THINK WE'RE GONNA-- WHAT'S THAT FOR, JERRY? YOU DON'T THINK YOU'RE GONNA FLY THIS THING OUT OF THE COUNTRY HOLDING ME AT GUNPOINT? NO, YOU ARE.
I'LL TURN YOU LOOSE ONCE WE'RE SAFELY OUT OF MEXICO AND IN A NICE COMMUNITY A LITTLE FARTHER SOUTH.
YOU KNOW, IT REALLY ISN'T FAIR TO MAKE YOU FLY THE ENTIRE DISTANCE.
OH, I DON'T MIND.
WHERE ARE WE GOING? LITTLE SPOT SOUTH OF THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC, WHERE I CAN CATCH A COMMERCIAL FLIGH BACK TO LOS ANGELES.
THAT SOUNDS LIKE A REAL NICE PLAN.
I WAS THINKIN' I'D HANG AROUND THE BAHAMAS FOR A WHILE.
SORRY, BUT I CAN'T LEAVE YOU AROUND TO TELL ANYONE WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.
JERRY, I WAS HOPING THAT GUN WAS JUST A PRECAUTION SO THAT I WOULDN'T TAKE THE MONEY AND TURN YOU IN WHILE WE WERE ON THE GROUND.
I'M SORRY.
ONCE YOU'RE GONE, THERE'S NO ONE TO KNOW I HAVE THE MONEY.
THAT SHOULD GIVE ME A NICE, LONG TIME TO GE MY CAREER STARTED AGAIN.
THERE'S ALWAYS RHONDA.
SHE THINKS I'M GIVING ALL THE MONEY TO YOU.
IT WAS YOUR PLAN, REMEMBER? IF I SHOULD EVER SEE HER AGAIN, I'LL JUST PLEAD DESPAIR AT THE WHOLE SORDID AFFAIR.
IF YOU'RE THINKING OF PUTTING A BULLET IN ME, I GOTTA WARN YOU THAT BODIES DO HAVE A WAY OF SHOWING UP.
OH, I DON'T THINK A BULLET IS NECESSARY.
THE FALL SHOULD DO NICELY.
UNLATCH THE DOOR.
AND OUT.
LOOK, YOU, UH-- YOU DON'T THINK THAT I'M GOING TO DO THIS WILLINGLY, DO YOU? GET OUT.
[ Groans .]
[ Delgado .]
YOU ARE ALL GOING TO JAIL FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES.
IF THIS DOESN'T WORK, I'LL BE GLAD TO.
THERE! THERE HE IS.
¡SANTA MARÃA! EVEN SEÃOR SEAVERS, I DO NOT WANT TO SEE HIM DIE LIKE THIS.
HOLD ON.
[ Colt On Radio .]
LOOKING GOOD, HOWIE.
HOLD HER NICE AND STEADY.
HE'S CONSCIOUS.
WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT.
COME ON.
PICK UP SPEED, KID.
I'VE ONLY GOT ONE GOOD SHOT.
HEY, MIND IF I DROP IN? INCREDIBLE, SEÃOR SEAVERS.
GOOD.
THEN THAT'S A PRINT.
SEÃOR ROME.
YES? THERE'S SOMEONE HERE TO SEE YOU.
YOU KNOW, THAT REALLY WASN'T VERY NICE.
YOU DID A GOOD JOB ON THIS ONE, COLT.
[ Milton .]
THERE'S ANOTHER WAY TO LOOK AT IT, RHONDA.
AT LEAST WE'LL BOTH BE GETTING OU ABOUT THE SAME TIME.
OH, MILTON.
I'LL BE AN OLD LADY.
NOT TO ME, YOU WON'T.
OH, MILTON, I'M SO SORRY.
SOMEHOW IT'S-- IT'S ALL GONNA WORK OUT JUST FINE.
RIGHT NOW, I'M THE HAPPIEST GUY IN THE WORLD.
UNBELIEVABLE.
YOU KNOW, I REALLY THINK HE BELIEVES IT.
WELL, HE'S IN LOVE.
HOW MUCH TIME WILL THEY DO? OH, FIRST OFFENSE, WHITE-COLLAR CRIME-- MIGHT NOT BE TOO BAD.
BUT JERRY ROME, ON THE OTHER HAND, IS IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.
BIG JACK, WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR? SURE.
MAKE SURE THAT MILTON GETS A DECENT LAWYER.
OH, DECENT LAWYERS COST MONEY.
HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.
WELL, LET'S JUST SAY THIS ONE'S ON ME, HUH? WHAT? COLT.
SPEAKING AS YOUR MANAGER, YOU'RE GONNA DIE BROKE.
HEY, BROKE OR BROKEN-- WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? AT LEAST I'LL BE SMILING.
RIGHT, JERRY? $100,000.
WHERE AM I GOING TO FIND SOMEONE TO PUT UP $100,000 BAIL FOR ME? JERRY-- OH, COME ON, GUYS.
THAT'S MY LIVING.
COME ON.
[ Man .]
FALL GUY IS A GLEN LARSON PRODUCTION.
BUT THE HARDEST THING I EVER DO IS WATCH MY LEADING LADIES KISS SOME OTHER GUY WHILE I'M BANDAGIN' MY KNEE I MIGHT FALL FROM A TALL BUILDIN' I MIGHT ROLL A BRAND-NEW CAR 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MADE REDFORD SUCH A STAR [ Women Vocalizing .]
I'VE NEVER SPEN MUCH TIME IN SCHOOL BUT I'VE TAUGH LADIES PLENTY IT'S TRUE I HIRE MY BODY OUT FOR PAY HEY, HEY I'VE GOTTEN BURNED OVER CHERYL TIEGS BLOWN UP FOR RAQUEL WELCH BUT WHEN I WIND UP IN THE HAY, IT'S ONLY HAY HEY, HEY I MIGHT JUMP AN OPEN DRAWBRIDGE OR TARZAN FROM A VINE 'CAUSE I'M THE UNKNOWN STUNTMAN THAT MAKES EASTWOOD LOOK SO FINE [ Colt Narrating .]
THIS IS THE STORY OF ONE OF AMERICA'S GREAT UNSUNG HEROES.
I MEAN, YOU'VE SEEN HIM, BUT YOU NEVER KNEW WHO HE WAS.
YOU'VE CHEERED FOR HIM AND CRIED FOR HIM, WOMEN HAVE WANTED TO DIE FOR HIM.
BUT DID HE EVER GET ANY CREDIT? OR THE GIRL? NO.
HE WAS WHAT WE CALL A STUNTMAN.
AND THE REASON I'M TALKIN' SO FONDLY ABOUT HIM IS-- WELL, BECAUSE IT'S ME, COLT SEAVERS.
ANYWAY, PICTURE WORK ISN'T WALL-TO-WALL EMPLOYMENT.
SO MAYBE YOU WONDER HOW A GUY KEEPS HIS HEAD TOGETHER.
WELL, ONE WAY IS TO WAIT BY THE PHONE AND WAIT AND WAIT.
THE OTHER IS TO TAKE AN OCCASIONAL JOB FOR THE COURT SYSTEM OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, WHERE A MAN IS CONSIDERED INNOCEN UNTIL PROVEN GUILTY.
UNFORTUNATELY, SOMETIMES A LO OF THESE PEOPLE GET OUT OF JAIL ON WHAT WE CALL BAIL.
AND THEY RUN LIKE HELL.
THAT'S WHERE I COME IN.
I SOMETIMES PICK UP RENT MONEY TRYIN' TO FIND THEM AND BRING THEM BACK TO JUSTICE.
AND THAT REMINDS ME OF A VERY INTERESTING CASE WHERE SOME SKYDIVING SKILLS CAME IN REAL HANDY.
YEAH, THAT LOOKS GOOD.
HOLD HER NICE AND STEADY.
[ Jody On Radio .]
WITH ALL DUE RESPEC TO ROBERT WAGNER, COLT, PLEASE-- ARE YOU SURE YOU WANNA GO THROUGH WITH THIS? WELL, IT'S ONLY THE FIRST STEP THAT'S TRICKY.
I'LL BE SEEING YOU, I HOPE.
HAVE YOU GOT HIM LINED UP? RELAX.
JODY.
I'VE BEEN FLYING SINCE I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.
HOW DO YOU THINK I GOT INTO THE AIR FORCE ACADEMY? WHAT'S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN? I GOTTA GET BACK TO THE SET.
[ Colt .]
YOU HAVEN'T SEEN WHAT I'M GONNA SHOW YA.
IT'S EXACTLY THE KIND OF STUN YOU NEED ON HART TO HART.
EVERYONE'LL BE TALKIN' ABOUT IT.
COLT, I'D PREFER THA THEY'D COME AWAY TALKING ABOUT ME, NOT YOU.
THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.
THEY'LL THINK IT IS YOU.
- THERE HE IS.
- WHERE? RIGHT THERE.
YOU MADE ME TAKE FOUR HOURS IN THE MIDDLE OF MY DAY TO COME OUT HERE AND WATCH COL DO A SKYDIVE? THAT'S THE OLDEST STUN IN THE WORLD.
HE ISN'T WEARING A PARACHUTE, R.
J.
HE'S NOT WEARING A PARACHUTE? WHAT IS HE, SOME KIND OF A BANANA OR SOME-- HE MUST BE CRAZY.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
HE'S NOT WEARING A CHUTE.
R.
J.
, THE ENDING OF YOUR NEXT HART TO HAR CALLS FOR YOU TO BE FORCED OUT OF THE AIRPLANE WITH A FAULTY PARACHUTE.
THOUGHT I'D SHOW YOU A BETTER WAY TO GO.
WHAT BETTER WAY? YOU'RE GONNA SAVE YOURSELF BY FREE-FALLING TO ANOTHER AIRPLANE.
- COLT, HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING? - INCREASE YOUR SPEED 30 KNOTS, HOWIE.
YOU SLOW DOWN ON ME, I COULD WIND UP IN YOUR PROPELLER.
-YOU KNOW, THAT MAN IS OBVIOUSLY A CARD-CARRYING LUNATIC.
-[ Colt .]
YOU'RE COUNTING.
FIVE, FOUR, THREE-- BETTER SPEED HER UP A LITTLE, HOWIE.
I'M COMIN' IN TOO FAST.
SPEED IT UP.
SPEED IT UP.
LOOK OUT! HE'S GONNA HIT! MY GOD! HE BOUNCED RIGHT OFF US! HE'S GOING IN! COLT! COLT! [ Howie .]
EVERYONE HANG ON.
[ Jody .]
OH, GOD, COLT.
KNOCK IT OFF, JODY.
THAT'S NOT HOW WE PLANNED THE BACKUP.
BACKUP? HOWIE, HE'S UNCONSCIOUS.
COLT TOLD US WHAT TO DO IF SOMETHING WENT WRONG.
YEAH, BUT HE'S PROBABLY DEAD.
PAY ATTENTION.
YOU HAVE WORK TO DO.
LISTEN TO HIM, JODY.
IT'S THE ONLY CHANCE COLT HAS.
GET READY TO JUMP.
OH, GOD.
TEN, NINE, EIGHT-- AND GO! COME ON.
YOU CAN DO IT, JODY.
COLT! COLT! CAN YOU HEAR ME? PLEASE HEAR ME.
PLEASE SAY SOMETHING.
PERFECT, JODY.
PERFECT.
YOU WERE CONSCIOUS THE WHOLE TIME! AND YOU'RE WEARING A CHUTE! WE HAD TO TEST THE BACKUP.
AND YOU WERE IN ON IT TOO, R.
J.
DO YOU THINK I'D GO ALONG WITH IT IF I DIDN'T THINK COLT KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING? - I MEAN, I WOULDN'T DO THAT.
- YOU DIRTY, ROTTEN-- HEY! STUPID MALES.
[ Big Jack .]
I CAME AS SOON AS I HEARD.
ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? [ Colt .]
JACK, REALLY, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE.
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I CARE ABOUT YOU.
WELL, YOU SURE HIDE IT WELL.
I'M EVEN HEARTBROKEN YOU'LL HAVE TO LAY OFF STUNTS FOR EIGHT WEEKS.
SAID WHO? THE DOCTOR.
IT'LL BE TORTURE FOR YOU TO STAY ON THE SIDELINES THAT LONG, BUT-- BUT NOTHING.
WHAT DO DOCTORS KNOW? I'LL BE READY TO GO BACK TO WORK IN A WEEK.
BUT STILL, A WEEK IS A LONG TIME FOR A MAN LIKE YOU TO LAY AROUND THE HOUSE.
[ Woman On P.
A.
.]
DR.
PARKER, EMERGENCY ROOM.
DR.
PARKER, EMERGENCY ROOM.
- WHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT? - WELL, I'M WILLING TO DO YOU A FAVOR, AND GIVE YOU A VERY EASY CASE TO KEEP YOUR MIND OFF YOUR INJURIES.
OH, NO.
FORGET IT, JACK.
LOOK, I'M A STUNTMAN FIRST, NOT A BOUNTY HUNTER.
I SWEAR, COLT, THIS ONE'S A SNAP.
LOOK A THIS HARMLESS LITTLE PUSSYCAT.
HIS NAME IS MILTON BOX.
HE'S A COMPUTER EXPERT.
HE MADE A LITTLE MISTAKE, AND HE RIPPED OFF A BANK FOR FIVE MILLION DOLLARS.
HE GOT CAUGH AND I BAILED HIM OUT.
AND THEN HE MADE ANOTHER LITTLE MISTAKE AND JUMPED BAIL.
LOOK, DO YOU WANT TO EARN AN EASY 10 GRAND OR NOT? YEAH, ABOUT AS EASY AS CATCHING THAT SCHOOLTEACHER FROM PASADENA THAT STOLE HER MOTHER'S CAT.
DON'T BLAME ME FOR THAT.
I HAD NO IDEA IT WAS A CERAMIC CAT.
YEAH, OR THAT IT WAS FILLED WITH HEROIN.
BUT YOU KNEW THE SCHOOLTEACHER WAS A HOOKER.
WELL, ONLY IN HER SPARE TIME.
BUT I HAD NO IDEA HER MOTHER WAS A MADAM.
ALL I KNOW IS I GOT CAUGHT UP IN A CROSS FIRE THAT WOULD HAVE MADE CUSTER FEEL LUCKY.
BUT THIS ONE WILL BE DIFFERENT.
LOOK AT THIS MAN.
CAN YOU TELL ME YOU'RE SCARED OF HIM? COME ON, WHAT'S THE CATCH? WHAT DID HE DO, MURDER HIS MOTHER OR SOMETHING? HE LOVES HIS MOTHER-- AND HE'S DEVOTED TO HIS WIFE.
BUT HOW DID THE POLICE LET HIM GET AWAY? ALL THEY HAD TO DO WAS LET HIM OUT OF JAIL AND FOLLOW HIM TO THE MONEY.
THEY TRIED THAT.
YEAH? AND THEN WHAT? HE GAVE THEM THE SLIP.
UH-HUH.
COLT.
[ Sneezes .]
GOD BLESS YOU.
THANK YOU.
[ Colt .]
THE ONLY LEAD SO FAR IS THA MILTON'S WIFE IS MISSING TOO.
WOW.
RHONDA STARR IS HOT STUFF.
WHAT DOES SHE SEE IN MILTON? RIGHT NOW, FIVE MILLION BUCKS.
THAT COULD HELP CHANGE A GUY'S IMAGE.
YEAH.
WELL, RHONDA'S A MOVIE EXTRA.
THE POLICE QUESTIONED A FRIEND OF HERS, ROSE DANTON.
THEY DIDN'T GET MUCH, EXCEPT THAT RHONDA WALKED OFF IN THE MIDDLE OF A JOB.
FALL GUY, THIS IS JODY.
COLT, I'VE TALKED TO SCREEN EXTRAS GUILD.
- ROSE DANTON'S WORKING ON A MOVIE RIGHT NOW.
- YEAH? WHERE? SHE'S WORKING AT TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX TODAY.
RIGHT.
WE GOT IT, JODY.
THANKS.
YOU THINK YOU CAN GE MORE INFORMATION OU OF THIS ROSE? WITH MY CHARM? ROSE? EXCUSE ME.
ROSE DANTON? YEAH.
I'M COLT SEAVERS.
I UNDERSTAND YOU DO A LITTLE STUNT WORK EVERY NOW AND THEN.
YEAH.
WELL, I'M COORDINATING STUNTS FOR A BIG PICTURE COMING UP.
YEAH? AND I'M GOING TO NEED SOME ESPECIALLY ATTRACTIVE WOMEN WHO CAN DO STUNTS.
ARE YOU INTERESTED? YEAH.
WELL, THE FACT IS, I'M GONNA NEED FOUR GIRLS, AND YOU CAME HIGHLY RECOMMENDED ALONG WITH A GIRL I THINK THAT'S A FRIEND OF YOURS.
YEAH? A RHONDA STARR.
YEAH.
YEAH.
YOU, UH-- COULD YOU HELP PUT ME IN TOUCH WITH HER? NO.
WELL, WHY NOT? SHE'S OUT OF THE COUNTRY.
WELL, HOW FAR OU IS SHE? MEXICO.
SHE'S NOT COMIN' BACK.
WE'LL BE PAYING AWFULLY BIG MONEY.
HEY, COLT, TRUST ME.
THIS TIME SHE THINKS SHE'S HITCHED HER WAGON TO A STAR-- I MEAN A REAL ONE-- JERRY ROME.
THANKS.
YOU'RE A REAL GENTLEMAN.
WOW.
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT? HER HUSBAND HASN'T EVEN COME TO TRIAL YET, AND SHE'S RUN OFF WITH SOME ACTOR.
NOW HOW DO WE FIND HIM? OH, ACTORS ARE EASY, KID.
THEY ALWAYS LEAVE A NUMBER.
[ Phone Ringing .]
HELLO? UH, JERRY? COLT SEAVERS.
- WHO? - [ Clears Throat .]
COLT SEAVERS.
I'M A STUNTMAN.
A FRIEND OF MINE DOUBLED YOU IN DEVIL'S REVENGE.
OH! WELL, UH, HOW'D YOU TRACK ME DOWN? WELL, NEVER LEAVE YOUR NUMBER WITH YOUR AGEN IF YOU DON'T WANT WORK.
YOU GOT SOMETHING COMING UP? WELL, NO, IT'S NOT MY PICTURE.
I'M JUST RIGGING THE STUNTS FOR FRANCIS.
OF COURSE, I DID TELL HIM ABOUT THE BOOK.
IT WAS ON THE BEST-SELLER LIS FOR A YEAR.
UH, WAIT A MINUTE, UH, COLT.
ARE WE TALKING ABOUT FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA? WELL, NOW, LOOK.
I'M NOT PROMISING ANYTHING SPECIFIC, BUT, OF COURSE, A LEAD IN ANY ONE OF FRANCIS'S PICTURES IS REALLY A-A BIG BREAK.
LEAD? DID YOU SAY LEAD? WELL, LOOK, I'VE PROBABLY SAID MORE THAN I SHOULD ALREADY.
BUT I'LL BE COMING DOWN AROUND THE WEEKEND TO LOOK OVER THE LOCAL AIRPLANE SITUATION.
WELL, JERRY, THIS IS HARD FOR ME TO SAY TO YOU, BUT I JUST CAN'T LIE.
I'M JUST GONNA COME RIGHT OUT WITH IT.
HE DID ASK ME TO LOOK YOU OVER.
LOOK ME OVER? WELL, JERRY, YOU HAVEN'T HAD A PICTURE IN A WHILE, AND TALK IS AROUND TOWN THAT YOU MIGHT BE JUST A LITTLE OVERWEIGHT.
OVERWEIGHT? ME? [ Chuckles .]
WHO TOLD YOU THAT? WELL, I'D RATHER NOT SAY.
BUT I TELL YOU WHAT.
WE'LL BE DOWN AROUND THE WEEKEND.
I LOOK FORWARD TO IT, PAL.
SEE YOU THEN.
WHEW.
I'VE GOT TO LOSE 10 POUNDS BY SUNDAY.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY.
MAKING LOVE IS EQUAL TO AN 11-MILE HIKE.
HOW ABOUT A LITTLE RUN? WHY NOT? SO HOW DOES FINDING JERRY ROME BRING US ANY CLOSER TO MILTON BOX? ACCORDING TO THE POLICE REPORT, MILTON WAS PICKED UP TRYING TO CROSS THE BORDER INTO MEXICO.
WHERE DO WE FIND JERRY ROME AND MRS.
BOX? MEXICO.
PRETTY BIG COINCIDENCE.
WHY WOULD MILTON GO THERE WITH THE MONEY WHEN HIS WIFE RAN OFF WITH JERRY ROME? FOR ALL WE KNOW, THAT WAS PART OF THE PLAN TO THROW HER FRIENDS OFF.
JERRY ROME MAY HAVE EVEN HELPED PULL OFF THE ROBBERY.
IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE HIS LAST PICTURE.
ANYWAY, WHO CARES? WE'RE GOING INTO MEXICO-- PUERTO VALLARTA-- LAND OF MYSTERY, ENCHANTMEN AND DARK-EYED WOMEN.
YEAH, DOWN, BOY.
THIS IS BUSINESS.
AT LEAST, IT BETTER BE IF I HAVE TO STAY HOME, COLT.
IT'S ALL BUSINESS, JODY, AND YOU TOO, KID.
ALL OF THESE CASES ARE DANGEROUS, AND I GUARANTEE THERE'S MORE TO MILTON THAN WE KNOW-- THERE HAS TO BE.
EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
SÃ, MI AMIGO.
UH, I'M LOOKING FOR A PLACE TO STAY.
UH-HUH.
YEAH.
SOMETHING-- SOMETHING SPECIAL.
OH, MUCHO ESPECIAL, MUCHO GRANDE, MUY CALUROSO.
NO, NO.
"WRONG-O.
" NO, UH, MUCHO, UH, BARATO.
OH, CHEAP.
YEAH, CHEAPO.
NO TURISTA.
¿COMPRENDE? SURE, SLICK AMIGO.
CHEAP YOU WANT, CHEAP YOU GET, AMIGO.
[ Speaking Spanish .]
[ Mariachis Playing .]
[ Chattering .]
WHERE HAS THIS COUNTRY BEEN ALL MY LIFE? LOOK AT THE LADIES, COLT.
WE'RE HERE TO WORK, KID, NOT PARTY.
BUT ONE COULDN'T HURT.
COLT? COLT SEAVERS.
HEY, JERRY.
HOW ARE YOU? THIS IS MY YOUNG ASSOCIATE, HOWIE MUNSON.
JERRY ROME.
HOWIE.
[ Howie .]
HOW ARE YOU? YOU'RE A BIG ONE.
I BET YOU'RE A STUNTMAN TOO.
GENTLEMEN, THIS IS MY FIRST LADY, RHONDA.
RHONDA, WHY DON'T YOU SHOW COLT'S FRIEND THE LAYOUT? - WE HAVE SOME BUSINESS TO DISCUSS.
- THAT WOULD BE MY PLEASURE.
VERY PRETTY LADY.
DID YOU MEET HER HERE? HOLLYWOOD, ACTUALLY.
NOW ABOUT THIS PICTURE THEY WANT ME FOR-- YOU KNOW, I MIGH BE INTERESTED.
[ Laughs .]
MY GOD.
WHEN WAS THE LAS TIME YOU ATE? UH, WELL, I DID HAVE LUNCH, BUT IT DIDN'T COMPARE TO THIS.
[ Laughs .]
[ Men Singing In Spanish .]
[ Continues .]
IS SOMETHING WRONG? NO, OF COURSE NOT.
LOOK, HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU JUST, UH, MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME, ALL RIGHT? [ Continues .]
STOP IT! STOP IT, I SAID.
[ Ends .]
WHO TOLD YOU TO PLAY THAT SONG? [ Mariachi .]
[ Gasps .]
MI-- WHA-- I MISSED YOU SO MUCH.
MILTON, ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? WHAT AM I DOING HERE? YOU'RE MY WIFE.
OH, MILTON, I-- I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE.
YOU GOTTA LEAVE ME ALONE.
YOU DON'T LOVE ME? AFTER ALL I DID FOR YOU? WELL, I DIDN' ASK YOU TO DO IT.
NOW, LOOK.
YOU'VE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE.
JERRY'S GONNA KILL YOU.
I MEAN IT.
YEAH, WELL, MAYBE-- MAYBE I'M THE ONE WHO'LL DO THE KILLING.
YEAH.
GOOD OLD MILTON, HUH? WOULDN'T HURT A FLY.
YOU JUST TELL YOUR FRIEND ONE THING-- HE BETTER BE OUT OF HERE BY MORNING, OR I'LL BE WAITING FOR HIM.
WHAT? YOU JUST GIVE HIM THAT MESSAGE.
FRANCIS ALSO THOUGH THAT YOUR HAVING BEEN A PILOT MIGHT MAKE IT EASIER TO DO ALL THE FLYING STUFF DOWN HERE.
DO YOU STILL HAVE A LICENSE? I EVEN HAVE A PRIVATE PLANE.
[ Chuckles .]
BOY, YOU SURE LIVE THE GOOD LIFE.
COLT? COLT, CAN I SEE YOU FOR A SECOND? IT'S URGENT.
WE JUST GOT A CALL FROM THE BIG GUY AT THE STUDIO.
EXCUSE ME.
WHAT BIG GUY? MILTON BOX-- I JUST SAW HIM.
HERE? YEAH.
NOT FOR LONG.
HE'D BEEN TALKING TO RHONDA, AND HE'S LEAVING.
COME ON.
[ Car Departing .]
GREAT.
WE PARKED OUR TRUCK OUT BACK.
I'LL PARK I FOR YOU, MA'AM.
[ Tires Squeal .]
HEY! ARE YOU GUYS PARKING ATTENDANTS? [ Tires Squeal .]
SEÃOR EL CHEAPO, I THINK SOMEBODY IS FOLLOWING US.
PEDRO, I'LL GIVE YOU DOUBLE THE FARE IF YOU LOSE HIM.
AH, SEÃOR, THIS ROAD IS VERY DANGEROUS, AND FOR A FEW PESOS A MAN SHOULD NO RISK HIS LIFE.
HOW ABOU A FEW HUNDRED PESOS? HUNDRED? SEÃOR, YOU JUS BOUGHT YOURSELF A RIDE WITH THE DEVIL.
WELL, IT WON'T BE THE FIRST TIME.
[ Tires Squeal .]
[ Horn Honks .]
[ Tires Squealing .]
YOU TAKE THE WHEEL.
I'M GETTIN' OUT.
YOU'RE WHAT? THIS IS WHERE I GET OFF.
GO BACK, AMIGO.
THIS TAXI'S TAKEN.
I'M WARNING YOU.
I-I'M GONNA SHOOT.
MILTON, CAN YOU HEAR ME? YEAH, I-I CAN HEAR YOU.
IF I SEE YOU, I'M GONNA SHOOT YOU.
YEAH, WELL, IF YOU DON' THROW THAT GUN AWAY, I'M GONNA SHOOT YOUR DRIVER.
- AY, MAMACITA.
- NO.
NO, YOU WOULDN'T-- B-BECAUSE YOU'D GET KILLED RIGHT ALONG WITH ME.
I'M A STUNTMAN.
I DO THIS FOR A LIVING.
NOW, I'M GONNA COUNT TO FIVE.
- ONE-- - PLEASE, SEÃOR! TWO, THREE-- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
- [ Sighs .]
- NOW, MOVE OVER, MILTON, WILL YA? WELL, I KNOW THIS IS A HELL OF A WAY TO GE TO KNOW ONE ANOTHER, BUT BEFORE WE'RE THROUGH WE COULD BECOME REAL GOOD FRIENDS.
IF YOU'RE A STUNTMAN, WHY ARE YOU CHASING ME? OH, BETWEEN JOBS I DO A LITTLE WORK FOR THE COURTS.
I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'D LIKE TO HEAR MY SIDE OF THE STORY.
WE GOT PLENTY OF TIME FOR THAT ON THE WAY BACK TO LOS ANGELES, BUT RIGHT NOW LET'S JUS GET YOUR STUFF PACKED UP AND GET STARTED, HUH? WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MILTON IS HERE? HE'S IN JAIL.
NO, HE'S NOT IN JAIL.
HE'S HERE, AND HE HAS A GUN.
HE WOULDN'T DARE USE A GUN.
HE'S A LITTLE WIMP.
WELL, DID YOU THINK HE'D EVER DARE RIP OFF A GOLD EXCHANGE FOR FIVE MILLION DOLLARS? IT'S PERFECT.
PERFECT? HE HAS A GUN.
WHICH GIVES ME EVERY RIGH TO PROTECT YOU FROM THIS CRAZED MANIAC ON THE LOOSE FROM JAIL IN LOS ANGELES.
HE'S A FELON.
ONCE HE'S DEAD, OUR TROUBLES ARE OVER.
I TOLD YOU THERE WASN'T ANY MONEY IN THE ROOM.
I KNOW WHAT YOU TOLD ME.
IF YOU'D JUST TELL ME WHERE IT IS, IT MIGH GO A LOT BETTER FOR YOU.
OH, YEAH.
YEAH, YOU'D LIKE THAT, WOULDN'T YOU? EVERYBODY WOULD LIKE THAT.
LOOK.
ARE YOU A REASONABLE MAN? I LIKE TO THINK SO, YES.
WELL, I HAVEN'T HAD ANYTHING TO EAT SINCE EARLY THIS MORNING, AND COULDN'T WE HAVE OUR SERIOUS DISCUSSION OVER, SAY, STEAK AND SODA POP? ALL RIGHT-- IF YOU PROMISE TO REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE MY PRISONER, AND I AM ARMED.
I PROMISE.
SODA POP.
[ Mariachi .]
OH, THIS IS COZY.
I THOUGHT WE WERE DUCKING OUT OF TOWN IN A HURRY? SIT DOWN, KID.
MILTON HERE WAS JUST ABOU TO EXPLAIN THE WHEREABOUTS OF A CERTAIN FIVE MILLION DOLLARS.
- I DON'T RECALL SAYING THAT.
- YES, YOU DID-- WHEN I AGREED TO BUY YOU THAT NICE, BIG STEAK AND THE SODA POP.
NO.
NO, I SAID I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU ABOU A PROPOSITION.
H-HOW MUCH DO YOU GUYS GE FOR BRINGING ME IN? $10,000.
[ Chuckling .]
YOU MUST BE KIDDING.
NO, THAT'S PRETTY MUCH IT.
$10,000.
PLUS EXPENSES.
- I DON'T SEE WHAT'S SO FUNNY.
- COME ON.
A MAN STEALS FIVE MILLION DOLLARS-- U.
S.
CASH-- AND ALL YOU GE IS A PALTRY $10,000? - YOU MADE A BAD DEAL.
- IT'S MY BUSINESS, AND I'LL RUN IT THE WAY I LIKE.
BESIDES, I DON'T LIKE PUTTING HIGH PRICES ON A MAN'S HEAD.
I MEAN, I CONSIDER WHAT I DO A FORM OF POLICE WORK.
ALL I WANT IS AN HONEST WAGE FOR AN HONEST JOB.
THEN I GUESS YOU WOULDN'T BE INTERESTED IN MY PROPOSITION.
IF IT'S A FAIR-AND-SQUARE OFFER TO RETURN THE MONEY FOR PLEA-BARGAINING, YEAH, I'D BE INTERESTED IN LISTENING TO YOU.
AW, FORGET PLEA-BARGAINING.
I'M OFFERING YOU AND YOUR FRIEND HERE A GOOD SHARE OF THE MONEY I STOLE.
- ARE YOU TRYING TO BRIBE ME? - ABSOLUTELY.
ALL RIGHT, MILTON.
DINNER'S OVER.
THAT'S IT.
LET'S GO.
FIVE PERCENT.
NOT INTERESTED.
TEN PERCENT? NOT INTERESTED.
COLT, THAT'S A HALF MILLION DOLLARS.
I HEARD HIM.
I'M STILL NOT INTERESTED.
GRACIAS, SEÃOR.
WELL, THEN NEITHER AM I.
I'M JUST GONNA STAY HERE.
MILTON, I'M ONLY SAYING THIS ONCE.
GET ON YOUR FEET.
YEAH, I'M SURE YOU'D SHOOT ME RIGHT HERE IN FRON OF ALL THESE INNOCENT PEOPLE.
SOME OF 'EM DON'T LOOK SO INNOCENT.
I'M ONLY TELLING YOU ONE MORE TIME, THEN I'M GONNA PU THIS GUN BEHIND YOUR BACK AND MARCH YOU OUT OF HERE.
- NOW, ON YOUR FEET.
COME ON.
- OKAY.
JUST DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU.
UH, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.
SEÃORES, SEÃORITAS.
- ALTHOUGH I'M NEW TO YOUR QUAINT LITTLE VILLAGE-- - MILTON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I THINK YOU OUGHT TO KNOW THAT YOU HAVE A CROOK IN YOUR MIDST.
[ Chattering .]
- I'M THAT CROOK.
- [ Laughter .]
AND I JUS OFFERED THIS MAN HERE A HALF A MILLION DOLLARS NOT TO TAKE ME BACK TO LOS ANGELES AS HIS PRISONER.
- COLT, I DON'T LIKE THE SOUND OF THIS.
- MILTON, WILL YOU SHUT UP? NOW, Y-YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT HE'S A VERY BRAVE AND COURAGEOUS AND HONEST MAN, BECAUSE HE SAID NO.
BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, HE'S ALSO VERY STUPID.
THAT'S IT.
SO WHAT I'M DOING IS, I'M OFFERING-- I'M OFFERING ALL OF YOU THE SAME HALF A MILLION U.
S.
DOLLARS TO KEEP HIM FROM TAKING ME ACROSS THE BORDER.
THINK ABOUT IT-- A HALF A MILLION BIG ONES.
MILTON, I DON'T BELIEVE WHAT YOU JUST DID.
WELL, ANY POR IN A STORM.
COME ON, GET IN.
COLT, WE ARE IN SERIOUS TROUBLE HERE.
YOU DON'T EXPEC ANYONE IN THERE TO TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY, DO YOU? [ Clamoring .]
MILTON, YOU HAVE JUST MADE THE SECOND-BIGGEST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE.
¡MUCHACHOS! [ Shouting In Spanish .]
[ Howie .]
I DON'T SEE ANYONE.
I THINK WE GOT AWAY CLEAN.
THAT'S A LITTLE TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.
I WISH THEY'D TAKEN ME.
MILTON, ISN'T A LITTLE JAIL TIME BETTER THAN BEING DEAD? NOT WITHOUT RHONDA.
I-I JUST DON'T WANT TO LIVE IF I CAN'T HAVE HER.
MILTON, I DON'T LIKE TO SAY THIS, BUT I DON'T THINK RHONDA'S BEEN ALTOGETHER LOYAL TO YOU.
DON'T SAY THAT.
DON'T SAY ANYTHING AGAINST RHONDA.
MILTON, I'M WARNING YOU.
MILTON! MILTON-- NO, YOU DON'T.
NO, YOU DON'T.
NOBODY'S EVER GONNA TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ME AGAIN.
NO.
I'M NO MORE MR.
PUSHOVER.
I'M IN CHARGE NOW.
MILTON, GIVE ME THE GUN.
LAY ONE HAND ON ME AND I'LL SHOOT.
GO AHEAD.
EVERYONE THINKS I'M WORTHLESS-- EVEN TOTAL STRANGERS.
I DON'T THINK YOU'RE WORTHLESS, MILTON, JUST CROOKED.
YOU DIDN'T EVEN CARE IF I KILLED MYSELF.
NO, I JUST WASN'T WORRIED ABOUT YOU DOING I WITH AN EMPTY GUN.
[ Clicks .]
IS-ISN'T SOMEBODY GONNA GUARD ME? WHERE YOU GONNA GO? YOU REALLY THINK ANYONE'S GONNA TRY AND TAKE HIM AWAY FROM US? FOR A HALF A MILLION DOLLARS? GEEZ.
WE GOTTA BE PREPARED FOR THE WORST.
EVER USE A SEMI-AUTOMATIC? COLT, MY TWO YEARS AT WEST POINT.
I KNOW.
I SHOULDN'T HAVE ASKED.
[ Vehicle Approaching .]
UH-OH.
GET IN.
MR.
SEAVERS, I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING I OUGHT TO TELL YOU.
NOT NOW, MILTON.
YOU'VE ALREADY CREATED ONE MESS FOR US.
YEAH, BUT I MIGHT HAVE CREATED AN EVEN BIGGER MESS OVER THERE.
[ Man .]
MR.
SEAVERS-- - CAN YOU HEAR ME? - THEY KNOW YOUR NAME.
YEAH.
YES, I CAN HEAR YOU.
WHAT DO YOU WANT? YOUR PRISONER-- TURN HIM OVER.
WE WILL LET YOU GO UNHARMED.
I CAN'T DO THAT.
I'M AN OFFICER OF THE COURT.
- NOT IN MEXICO.
- WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER, FRIEND.
HE'S WANTED IN THE UNITED STATES.
HE CROSSED YOUR BORDERS ILLEGALLY.
THAT IS A MATTER FOR OUR COURTS.
I WILL GIVE YOU TWO MINUTES.
- COLT, THERE MUST BE 40 OF THEM.
- I CAN COUNT.
DO AS HE SAYS.
I DON'T WANNA SEE ANYONE GET KILLED.
WE CAN'T TRUST THESE MEN NOT TO KILL YOU ONCE YOU LEAD 'EM TO THE MONEY.
WHERE IS THE MONEY, MILTON? I-I CAN'T TELL YOU.
ONE MINUTE, MR.
SEAVERS.
YOU GUYS GET DOWN QUICK.
[ Engine Starts .]
HOLY-- COLT, WE CAN'T BREAK THROUGH WITHOUT KILLING SOMEONE.
YEAH.
US.
YOUR TIME IS UP.
RELEASE THE PRISONER OR WE WILL TAKE HIM.
DO IT.
DO IT.
MILTON, YOU MAY THINK YOU'RE GONNA BUY 'EM OFF WITH HALF THE MONEY.
YOU'RE NOT.
YEAH, BUT THAT-THAT'S MY PROBLEM.
YOU GUYS JUST GET OUT OF HERE.
SAVE YOURSELVES.
- COLT, WE DON'T HAVE ANY CHOICE.
- MILTON, YOU'LL BE KILLED.
WITHOUT RHONDA, I DON'T CARE.
LOOK, I DON'T LIKE HAVING A PRISONER TAKEN FROM ME AT GUNPOINT.
IF ANYTHING HAPPENS TO HIM, I'M GONNA LOOK YOU UP.
I DON'T THINK YOU ARE IN ANY POSITION TO BE MAKING THREATS.
[ Men Whooping, Cheering .]
GRACIAS, SEÃOR SEAVERS.
AND I WOULDN'T RECOMMEND GOING TO THE LOCAL AUTHORITIES.
YOU DIDN'T CHOOSE TO WORK WITH THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.
THEY'RE LIABLE TO PUT YOU IN JAIL FOR CARRYING UNAUTHORIZED WEAPONS.
[ Laughs .]
VÃMONOS.
KID.
YEAH? I CAN'T LET 'EM TAKE HIM.
I KNOW.
CAN'T ASK YOU TO GO WITH ME.
CAN'T STOP ME FROM GOING ALONG EITHER.
THERE'S AN AWFUL LO OF 'EM.
THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE IS ON OUR SIDE.
THEY COULDN'T POSSIBLY THINK WE'D BE STUPID ENOUGH TO TRY AND SAVE AN IDIOT LIKE MILTON.
MAKES SENSE TO ME.
[ Tires Squealing .]
[ Colt .]
THIS MUST BE THE PLACE.
THERE ARE THE TRUCKS.
I'D HAVE TO BE CRAZY TO WALK AROUND WITH FIVE MILLION DOLLARS ON ME.
I-I JUST TOOK ENOUGH TO GET TO MEXICO AND A LITTLE TO SURVIVE ON.
HE'S DOIN' ALL RIGHT.
AT LEAST HE'S ALIVE.
[ Man .]
SEEM TO UNDERSTAND.
- COLT.
- [ Man Continues, Indistinct .]
SOMETHING JUS DOESN'T SMELL RIGH ABOUT THIS OPERATION.
THEY'RE BEING TOO POLITE.
THOSE GUNS LOOKED DOWNRIGHT MEAN TO ME.
IF WE'RE GONNA GET MILTON OUT OF HERE, WE GOTTA CREATE A DISTRACTION.
COME ON.
I ASK YOU FOR THE LAST TIME! WHERE IS THE RES OF THE MONEY? THE $500,000 YOU PROMISED FOR YOUR FREEDOM.
COLT, THAT'S AN AWFUL LO OF PLASTIQUE.
YEAH, WELL, THERE'S AN AWFUL LOT OF GUNS.
WE'LL FIND OU HOW MUCH I KNOW ABOUT SPECIAL EFFECTS IN ABOUT FIVE MINUTES.
[ Clamoring .]
[ Speaking Spanish .]
OKAY, PAL, NOW WE'RE EVEN.
NOT EVEN, SEÃOR SEAVERS.
YOU ARE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.
I DON'T THINK SO.
I DON'T THINK YOUR FRIENDS WILL BE ABLE TO CATCH US.
YOU ARE IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.
I AM A POLICE OFFICER.
WHAT DID YOU SAY? IF YOU WILL CHECK THE WALLE IN MY COAT, YOU WILL SEE FOR YOURSELF.
[ Colt .]
OH, NO, MILTON.
- NOW YOU'RE REALLY MADE ME MAD.
- HE NEVER SHOWED ME THAT.
IT WAS OUR PURPOSE TO MAKE HIM THINK WE WERE FELLOW CRIMINALS SO HE WOULD LEAD US TO THE STOLEN MONEY.
ALL THIS IN COOPERATION WITH THE LOS ANGELES POLICE DEPARTMENT.
COLT, COME ON.
THEY'RE ALL HEADING THIS WAY.
BOLT HIM TO THE FLOOR.
YOU ARE TREATING ME LIKE A CRIMINAL.
FOR ALL I KNOW, YOU AND THAT PACK ARE IN BUSINESS TOGETHER.
I WARN YOU, SEÃOR.
OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE IS ONE THING, BUT KIDNAPPING IS QUITE ANOTHER.
¡MUCHACHOS! [ Muffled .]
[ Men Shouting .]
ALL RIGHT, MILTON, THERE'S ONLY ONE WAY WE'RE ALL GONNA GET OUT OF THIS WITHOUT GOING TO JAIL.
YOU'RE GONNA TAKE US TO THE MONEY.
I CAN'T DO THAT.
MILTON.
IT'S THE TRUTH.
I DON'T HAVE IT.
IF YOU DON'T, WHO DOES? RHONDA HAS IT.
I GAVE IT TO HER.
YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING.
I ONLY TOOK I TO WIN HER BACK.
IT WAS ALL PLANNED.
WE WERE GONNA MEET HERE IN MEXICO, LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
WHAT HAPPENED? RHONDA DECIDED SHE'D RATHER LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER WITH JERRY ROME.
I-I CAN'T STAND IT.
IF HE DARES TO LAY A HAND ON HER-- IF THEY KNEW YOU WERE PLANNING ON COMING TO MEXICO, WHY DIDN'T THEY GO SOMEPLACE ELSE? BECAUSE JERRY ROME KNEW HOW I'D GET TO MEXICO AFTER I'D GIVEN RHONDA THE MONEY.
HE PHONED THE POLICE.
TIPPED 'EM OFF.
HE FIGURED I'D BE STUCK IN JAIL WITHOUT ENOUGH MONEY TO RAISE BAIL.
WHAT MAKES YOU THINK IT WAS JERRY THAT TURNED YOU IN AND NOT RHONDA? SHE WOULDN'T DO THAT.
OH, NOT RHONDA.
SHE WAS THE ONLY ONE THAT KNEW YOUR PLANS.
THEN HE MUST HAVE BEAT IT OUT OF HER.
[ Phone Ringing .]
HELLO? THIS IS COLT SEAVERS.
CAN YOU TALK PRIVATELY? - YES.
WHAT IS IT? - IT'S ABOUT RHONDA'S HUSBAND, MILTON.
WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOU HER HUSBAND? I THOUGH YOU WERE HERE ON A PICTURE.
WELL, JERRY, I MAY AS WELL TELL YOU THE TRUTH.
WE MAY BE ALL OUT OF TIME IF I DON'T.
WHO IS IT? IT'S COLT.
IF THAT'S RHONDA YOU'RE TALKING TO, THERE'S NO ROOM FOR HER IN THIS DEAL.
WHAT DEAL? I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
LOOK, JERRY, I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FIVE MILLION DOLLARS.
NOW, I'M WILLING TO DEAL IF YOU'RE WILLING TO LISTEN.
- THEN THE MOVIE WAS ALL A HOAX? - FORGET THE PICTURE.
LOOK, I'M NO EXACTLY MAKING MONEY AS A STUNTMAN, YOU KNOW.
YOU'VE GOT A CHOICE.
IT'S HALF THE MONEY OR JAIL.
THIS IS PREPOSTEROUS.
I'M GONNA CALL THE POLICE RIGHT NOW.
GO AHEAD, WHILE I IMPLICATE YOU IN A MURDER.
MURDER? YEAH.
CALL THE POLICE.
THERE'S A CAPTAIN DELGADO.
- THEY THINK HE'S MISSING.
I KNOW HE'S DEAD.
- WHAT DO YOU WANT? MY PARTNER WAS KILLED IN THE SAME CROSS FIRE AS DELGADO.
NOW THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHERE THE MONEY IS IS MILTON AND YOU AND RHONDA AND ME.
NOW, IF YOU WANNA CUT RHONDA OUT OF ALL THIS WITHOUT MAKING A MESS, JUST TELL HER THA I'M DEMANDING ALL THE MONEY IN RETURN FOR MY SILENCE.
THEN WHAT? THEN YOU GET THE MONEY AND GET YOUR PLANE READY.
I'LL MEET YOU AT THE AIRPORT.
WHERE DO WE GO FROM THERE? AFTER YOU DROP ME OFF, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.
THAT SOUNDS NICE AND NEAT.
BUT, UH, WHAT'S TO PREVENT ME FROM TAKING OFF ON MY OWN? JERRY, I'M A PROFESSIONAL HUNTER, AND FOR THAT KIND OF MONEY, I'LL FIND YOU.
- DO YOU UNDERSTAND? - YES, I GUESS I DO UNDERSTAND.
WHAT WAS ALL THAT ABOUT? COLT SEAVERS IS A BOUNTY HUNTER.
- WHAT? HOW-- HOW COULD HE KNOW? - THAT IDIOT HUSBAND OF YOURS.
[ Groans .]
NOW, LOOK.
WE HAVEN'T A CHOICE.
I HAVE TO GIVE HIM THE MONEY IF YOU AND I ARE EVER GOING TO HAVE ANY HAPPINESS.
NOW GO GET THE MONEY.
ARE YOU READY? READY.
YOU TAKE THIS SEAT.
I'M SURE YOU'RE A BETTER PILOT THAN I.
JUST LET ME SEE THE COLOR OF YOUR MONEY.
WELL, I THINK WE'RE GONNA-- WHAT'S THAT FOR, JERRY? YOU DON'T THINK YOU'RE GONNA FLY THIS THING OUT OF THE COUNTRY HOLDING ME AT GUNPOINT? NO, YOU ARE.
I'LL TURN YOU LOOSE ONCE WE'RE SAFELY OUT OF MEXICO AND IN A NICE COMMUNITY A LITTLE FARTHER SOUTH.
YOU KNOW, IT REALLY ISN'T FAIR TO MAKE YOU FLY THE ENTIRE DISTANCE.
OH, I DON'T MIND.
WHERE ARE WE GOING? LITTLE SPOT SOUTH OF THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC, WHERE I CAN CATCH A COMMERCIAL FLIGH BACK TO LOS ANGELES.
THAT SOUNDS LIKE A REAL NICE PLAN.
I WAS THINKIN' I'D HANG AROUND THE BAHAMAS FOR A WHILE.
SORRY, BUT I CAN'T LEAVE YOU AROUND TO TELL ANYONE WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.
JERRY, I WAS HOPING THAT GUN WAS JUST A PRECAUTION SO THAT I WOULDN'T TAKE THE MONEY AND TURN YOU IN WHILE WE WERE ON THE GROUND.
I'M SORRY.
ONCE YOU'RE GONE, THERE'S NO ONE TO KNOW I HAVE THE MONEY.
THAT SHOULD GIVE ME A NICE, LONG TIME TO GE MY CAREER STARTED AGAIN.
THERE'S ALWAYS RHONDA.
SHE THINKS I'M GIVING ALL THE MONEY TO YOU.
IT WAS YOUR PLAN, REMEMBER? IF I SHOULD EVER SEE HER AGAIN, I'LL JUST PLEAD DESPAIR AT THE WHOLE SORDID AFFAIR.
IF YOU'RE THINKING OF PUTTING A BULLET IN ME, I GOTTA WARN YOU THAT BODIES DO HAVE A WAY OF SHOWING UP.
OH, I DON'T THINK A BULLET IS NECESSARY.
THE FALL SHOULD DO NICELY.
UNLATCH THE DOOR.
AND OUT.
LOOK, YOU, UH-- YOU DON'T THINK THAT I'M GOING TO DO THIS WILLINGLY, DO YOU? GET OUT.
[ Groans .]
[ Delgado .]
YOU ARE ALL GOING TO JAIL FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES.
IF THIS DOESN'T WORK, I'LL BE GLAD TO.
THERE! THERE HE IS.
¡SANTA MARÃA! EVEN SEÃOR SEAVERS, I DO NOT WANT TO SEE HIM DIE LIKE THIS.
HOLD ON.
[ Colt On Radio .]
LOOKING GOOD, HOWIE.
HOLD HER NICE AND STEADY.
HE'S CONSCIOUS.
WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT.
COME ON.
PICK UP SPEED, KID.
I'VE ONLY GOT ONE GOOD SHOT.
HEY, MIND IF I DROP IN? INCREDIBLE, SEÃOR SEAVERS.
GOOD.
THEN THAT'S A PRINT.
SEÃOR ROME.
YES? THERE'S SOMEONE HERE TO SEE YOU.
YOU KNOW, THAT REALLY WASN'T VERY NICE.
YOU DID A GOOD JOB ON THIS ONE, COLT.
[ Milton .]
THERE'S ANOTHER WAY TO LOOK AT IT, RHONDA.
AT LEAST WE'LL BOTH BE GETTING OU ABOUT THE SAME TIME.
OH, MILTON.
I'LL BE AN OLD LADY.
NOT TO ME, YOU WON'T.
OH, MILTON, I'M SO SORRY.
SOMEHOW IT'S-- IT'S ALL GONNA WORK OUT JUST FINE.
RIGHT NOW, I'M THE HAPPIEST GUY IN THE WORLD.
UNBELIEVABLE.
YOU KNOW, I REALLY THINK HE BELIEVES IT.
WELL, HE'S IN LOVE.
HOW MUCH TIME WILL THEY DO? OH, FIRST OFFENSE, WHITE-COLLAR CRIME-- MIGHT NOT BE TOO BAD.
BUT JERRY ROME, ON THE OTHER HAND, IS IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.
BIG JACK, WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR? SURE.
MAKE SURE THAT MILTON GETS A DECENT LAWYER.
OH, DECENT LAWYERS COST MONEY.
HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.
WELL, LET'S JUST SAY THIS ONE'S ON ME, HUH? WHAT? COLT.
SPEAKING AS YOUR MANAGER, YOU'RE GONNA DIE BROKE.
HEY, BROKE OR BROKEN-- WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE? AT LEAST I'LL BE SMILING.
RIGHT, JERRY? $100,000.
WHERE AM I GOING TO FIND SOMEONE TO PUT UP $100,000 BAIL FOR ME? JERRY-- OH, COME ON, GUYS.
THAT'S MY LIVING.
COME ON.
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FALL GUY IS A GLEN LARSON PRODUCTION.