The Family Stallone (2023) s01e02 Episode Script

MTV. ♪
♪
(gas hissing)
-Careful.
-(shrieks) Oh, my
(laughs)
You guys ready?
-FRANK: Where do
you want me to sit?
-SOPHIA: Want to sit there?
FRANK:
Hey, looks good.
What are you, like X-ray man?
Now you're (laughs)
-Why are these glasses so bad?
-Oh, God.
I think everyone
digs these glasses, baby.
Here, you're, like,
breaking my balls.
Hi, my name is Frank Stallone.
I'm a musician,
and my older brother
is Sylvester Stallone.
JENNIFER:
Frank is super talented.
He writes great music,
and he's
a phenomenal entertainer.
(laughs) You're killing me, man.
SYLVESTER:
My brother is highly unique.
He's very, very talented.
He's very eccentric.
Kind of runs in the family.
FRANK: Growing up,
we had kind of a goofy, uh
(laughs) relationship.
He would experiment on me.
(imitating Sylvester):
Here, let me try this.
(makes crashing noise)
Rolled me down the hill
in a barrel
and bombarded me
with clay balls.
But the-the relationship
is very deep.
SOPHIA:
My Uncle Frank was more
an annoying younger brother
-What's up!
-than my mentor.
FRANK:
Hey, you know what's
the most important thing, girls?
You're gonna have to give three-
quarters of them to charity.
I don't honestly think
we've had a great relationship,
or a close one.
As I'm getting older,
I think he's starting
to understand
we're adults. I'm an adult.
You can kind of relate to me
a little bit more.
Dad, do you want
some of the salad, too?
SYLVESTER:
No, thanks.
-Ow, ow, ow.
-Move it on the plate.
-You boys are so useless.
-FRANK: On top of my salad?
-You guys act like
you're eight years old.
-This is getting chaotic.
-SCARLET:
I barely said anything.
-Shh.
You see how we're
all talking, like, noise?
Like, "Dah-dah-dah-dah"?
I call that roof brain chatter.
And one of the biggest
complaints people have
is like,
"You're not listening to me.
You're not listening to me."
What I've learned,
when you listen to somebody
and that person says,
"What did I say?"
And you repeat it back,
that's not listening.
So he's parroting, like,
"Polly want a cracker."
(laughs):
"Polly want a cracker."
SISTINE:
Sly, you are the ultimate
dinner grump right now.
Let's lighten it up.
Drink some wine.
No, I'm drinking Scarlet's wine.
FRANK:
I thought he was
being very articulate.
I was being articulate.
You're not 21.
That's water. That is water.
-That's water.
-SISTINE: That is water.
Can I finish this thought?
SISTINE:
No, you've said enough thoughts.
SOPHIA:
It's wine, Scarlet.
SYLVESTER:
Hey, can we have
a sentimental moment here?
No, how about the fact
that we never
actually get this
moment, you guys.
And I'm being serious because
you're in Oklahoma,
we're in L.A.
And I'm down the street.
You're down the street,
but we never hang out.
SOPHIA:
Yeah, but we never see you.
The last time Sistine and I
were probably
at Frank's place was,
I want to say,
like 12 years ago.
It's weird. I have to go see
where this man lives.
I need to see who he is
and what he has, and I really
just want to get
to know him more.
It's nice that we all get to
have this time together
because when we were growing up,
this was every single day.
And now we never get
this moment, and it's sad.
I want to cheer to family.
This is like
the 30th fucking cheer.
Jesus Christ.
I came up with
the most profound thought
(overlapping chatter, groans)
Who cares what he said, anyway?
-What?!
-(overlapping chatter)
Goddamn it, I'm done.
SISTINE:
Cheers to mi familia.
Cheers to mi
Cheers to family.
I love you all.
JENNIFER:
I love you guys.
FRANK:
I drank all my wine.
Come on now,
roll with the crazy ♪
Dance like 1980 ♪
♪
Roll with me, baby ♪
You ain't gonna save me ♪
Ooh, ooh. ♪
♪
SCARLET: There's
a website somewhere
you can sell your feet photos.
SISTINE:
Obviously.
You could sell
anything on the Internet.
One of us has the highest
rating of feet on wikiFeet.
Certainly can't be my feet.
I have Dad's feet.
SOPHIA:
I have very spread-out toes.
SISTINE:
Yeah, you got funky toes.
They said, "Lean left."
(laughs)
SOPHIA:
You're an ass.
I can pick up
anything with my feet.
You know, one time we
were at a restaurant
I know which story
you're gonna tell.
and you picked up
your napkin that fell
With your foot.
It wasn't a classy place,
and I was wearing flip-flops.
(laughter)
Mistake number one:
She wears flip-flops.
(fly buzzing)
-So
-Yeah, what's up?
how's your boyfriend?
At the moment,
I'm actually really happy.
It feels good.
Like, I'm not even
just saying that.
I feel really good with him,
but it's hard 'cause
he's across the country.
I am currently
dating a guy named Grant.
He's my boyfriend,
and he works in finance.
Very normal and very awesome.
I knew the moment I saw him
that he would be my boyfriend.
He is so caring about
everybody else's feelings,
and he's just
the best person ever.
I feel so mushy,
saying all this stuff.
Oh, gosh.
And it's not like
I'm, like, Scarlet's age,
or even your age.
I-I definitely am
in a different mindset
where I'm a bit more
You're not really wanting
to date to date anyone.
No, I've kind of done that.
I went to college.
I did the hot girl summer
for three years.
I'm good, I'm over it.
Not worth it.
Dating with
the last name that I have
is incredibly hard.
You never really know
someone's intention
when you first start dating.
They just think it's
cool to date a Stallone.
One time I dated a guy.
He was wondering how
long it would take
to date me until
he got courtside seats.
And that's when I knew
that I was going to
be in for a really tough ride
in the dating scene.
One guy brought
his résumé on the date.
One guy brought a script.
One guy said he was
an aspiring actor,
and I said,
"Do you want to date me or Sly?"
SOPHIA:
When I met Grant,
I knew that he loved me for me,
and that was the first
time I really felt
safe.
I've been dating Grant
for four months,
just doing long distance.
If you're going to
do long distance,
and you're going to
start out like that,
you want to make sure
that you guys are
both aligned, like,
there is a time
you're coming back,
you know? Like, that's
-That's only fair.
-And it's hard too,
because you guys also
You guys also see each other
four times a month, and
Yeah, and how do you
develop a relationship?
-You don't. You got to see him.
-SOPHIA: And I get people
SCARLET: It's like
the honeymoon phase every time.
Doing long distance
is so tough because
you're in New York, I'm in L.A.,
and the time difference,
and then missing each other's
phone calls,
and then someone's going to bed
when someone's waking up,
someone's going to work
when someone's coming home.
Thankfully, watching
my parents do long distance
for basically their
whole relationship,
I thought, "You know what?
"Because I've lived with it
and I've seen it, it will work."
Mom and Dad have been
married for, what?
-SISTINE: 25 years?
-SOPHIA: 25
That's just marriage.
And think about it, she met him
ten years prior,
so that's 35 years
of knowing each other.
SISTINE:
How do they not get bored?
SOPHIA:
I don't know.
Dad always said you shouldn't
chase a clock and force
something to happen, like,
because someone seems like
they're good right now,
that you have to stick with it.
That, be patient,
because the person will
come at the right time.
Everything you say ♪
I'm rooting
for this relationship.
I want you guys to work.
It's just, I wish he was here.
Say my name, say my name ♪
Baby, you're my remedy ♪
♪
Baby, you're my remedy. ♪
(knocking on door)
-FRANK: Welcome, my cuties.
-Hello!
-How are you?
-Hi, sweetheart.
-SOPHIA: Oh, my gosh.
Nice to see you.
-Hey, babe.
-I like this shirt.
-Thank you.
-SISTINE: Wow.
-SOPHIA: Oh, my God.
Do you realize
I've lived here 36 years,
this is the second time
you've been here?
SISTINE:
Frank invited us
to his apartment, which is huge.
We've never been invited over.
The last time
I was at Frank's house,
maybe I was
eight years old?
-Wait
-How old are you?
Wait, wait, I remember
what I did here.
I only have
one memory from his house.
He put my feet in hot wax.
I don't know,
I thought it was normal.
-Is that my dad's abs?
-Yes.
You have my dad's abs
in your living room?
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
(laughs) My abs. Yeah, yeah.
We did a scene in Rambo III,
where he took
a mold of my stomach
because there's a stunt
where I pushed this
piece of wood through,
and I cauterized myself.
You know, something
that everyone does
on Fourth of July.
-You wanted to see downstairs?
-Yeah.
FRANK:
See, my brother uses me
as a way station.
He'll throw stuff away,
like, in bundles.
Figure, I got to take it.
See, thi Oh, whoa.
Oh, my God. That just scared me.
That is horrible.
(imitating Sylvester):
Eh, absolutely.
-SISTINE: No, this is this
-SOPHIA: "Gangsta."
SISTINE:
Why do you have this doll?
SOPHIA:
This is the scariest
thing I've ever seen.
SISTINE:
That's going to be
possessed one day.
That's going to
kill you in your sleep.
(echoing):
Yo, Adrian.
There's so much stuff of my dad.
It's just a little weird.
Like, I wouldn't have
Sophia's boobies in my closet.
Like, I don't know, just me.
Ew, is that blood?
FRANK:
Those are your father
hitting the meat in Rocky.
And this was the Village Voice,
and this was the cover.
"For Frank, who was
in my corner
since the beginning."
Isn't that amazing?
SYLVESTER:
Either he's a great collector
or clinically nuts.
(laughs) So
Here's my bedroom.
Wow.
SOPHIA:
Oh, my
Stop.
-You have a tub in your bedroom?
-FRANK: Yeah.
That is why
you are still single,
is this and this
is in the same room.
Well, I hate to tell you girls,
you were conceived on this bed.
(groaning)
This is the bed
your father gave me.
(girls groaning)
Ew.
You are truly
the Italian Austin Powers.
SISTINE:
It is so cool coming here
because I feel like I didn't
really know you before.
I didn't really get to see a lot
-of your childhood with my dad.
-Yeah.
It's bittersweet
because I feel like
I wish I came here earlier.
We make up for a lot
of lost time, you know,
because at a certain age,
it really starts moving fast.
I mean, eventually,
all you girls probably,
hopefully, will get married to
-a decent guy
-Yeah.
and have some kids.
But that's the thing, it's,
like, we want to keep this
relationship strong so that
you could meet our kids.
The fun uncle.
-I will be Uncle Funny.
-You'll be their fun uncle, too.
-Frank?
-What?
Was your fly undone
this whole time?
FRANK:
Oh, Christ almighty.
-SISTINE: Christ.
-FRANK: I didn't know that.
SISTINE:
All right, on that note
No wonder I wear
long-tail shirts.
-Jesus.
-All right, all right.
SYLVESTER:
Okay.
SOPHIA:
We haven't done this in years.
This is nice up here.
-How are you?
-Good. I'm excited. Hi.
-Sly.
-I brought my daughter by
so she can beat me again.
SOPHIA:
Going to the gun range is
something that my dad and I
used to bond over a lot
when I was growing up.
And he really couldn't
have come to me
at a better moment
because of the stresses
I'm going through
in my own relationship
because it's long distance,
and I can really just
pull his two cents.
Here we go. Get your
right foot back, brother.
Both of you up on target.
SYLVESTER:
This is like high noon
SOPHIA:
Yeah, shootout?
SYLVESTER:
Annie Oakley.
John Wayne.
SCOTT:
Finger on the trigger, yes?
Gently press.
Gently.
Dead center. Good.
No, no. No.
Get your thumb up here, babe.
He just called him "Babe."
Go ahead.
Okay. (chuckles)
You're adding recoil in.
I didn't do half bad.
My dad thinks, because
he's done all these movies,
he's the best at shooting.
Whoo! You have to hit that.
Rest in peace, sucker.
Let's be real.
I just beat his ass
"I beat his ass."
No, that's so gross.
Ew. Wait.
Everyone expects me to hit
the bullseye every time.
-Yeah.
-You don't do it for a while
(mutters)
I just wanted to spend
some time with you, that's all.
Yeah, I'm glad
we got to do this.
So, what's going on with
your relationships and stuff?
I don't I think it's
more of a personal thing.
Like, I it's really hard
for me to do long distance.
-It's almost impossible.
-Yeah.
I don't know how you
and Mom did it for so long.
It wasn't easy, because out of
ten years, I was gone four.
-Right.
-If you put it
all together back then.
-Mm-hmm.
-That takes a toll.
-Yeah.
-Then you come back and
you're almost strangers.
SOPHIA:
I know.
You think you're used
to it, but every time
that person goes away,
it just it gets harder.
-It does.
-It gets worse, actually.
Having done
a lot of things right
and a lot of things wrong,
I've come to one conclusion:
That time
is your currency.
That's the most
valuable bank account
-you'll ever have.
-Yeah.
And you got to spend it
in the right spot
or you will go bankrupt.
-Right.
-And I'm talking
emotionally bankrupt.
So, if it's love, make sure
you're not wasting your currency
on the wrong person.
I really respect
my dad's advice,
and I take it to heart.
And I I don't
want to waste my time.
So I really have
a hard decision to make.
I don't know, I feel like
I'm still in my head.
SYLVESTER:
You got to be
Back and forth.
Believe me, you don't have time
to "F" around with people.
♪
JENNIFER:
Do you want more?
I think that
I'm going to give you
a smidge more.
If you want to
have a conversation,
-put some ice in there.
-Okay.
-If you don't, I'm passing out.
-Do you want more?
-No, it's good, it's good.
-All right, let's go.
SYLVESTER:
I want to sit in the barn.
You know what I said to Sophia
that, um, the clock is ticking,
that you only have
a finite amount of time.
JENNIFER:
Mm-hmm.
You got to be much
more stingy with it.
You're not going to
hang out with dodo birds.
You're not going to do this.
You're not going
to waste time
-You're right.
-on the wrong person.
SYLVESTER:
I think young love
is a temporary form of insanity,
so you do things
that you may regret.
So I'm here to prevent that.
The average life expectancy
is around 72.
Uh-oh.
That comes out
to 3,900 weekends.
-Wow.
-That's it. That's all you got.
'Cause when you really
become aware of it,
then you become precious
with your time.
Anyway So, I'm glad
if I depress you.
-Oh.
-I depressed myself.
-I know, but
-But I enjoy being depressed.
That's when I become creative.
That's when you
become creative
That's when I do my best
writing or painting.
-Mm-hmm.
-When I'm happy,
that's the last
thing I want to do
is lock myself in some room.
But I feel like
you've gotten happier
-as you got older.
-Yeah, I have.
Can I take some credit for that?
-Okay.
-A little bit.
-No, uh, you're right.
-Yeah.
Well, you've always been
really nice and balanced.
Because you can't have
two unbalanced people
in a relationship.
You have to have someone that
kind of keeps everything
calm and balanced
so you can be creative.
SYLVESTER:
Jennifer, she's impossible
not to like.
I mean, she just
does everything right.
She's a wonderful businesswoman,
a fantastic mother, wife.
Even takes care of the dogs.
JENNIFER:
Sorry about that, Buster.
And the fact that she
could take care of me?
She should win
the Nobel Peace Prize.
You know your
biggest flaw, Jennifer?
-What?
-You're too nice.
-(chuckling): I'm too tall.
-And you're too tall.
JENNIFER:
Hi, honey.
Oh, hi.
You brought the whole crew.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
(laughs)
SOPHIA (laughing):
It's a part Okay
Listen, I Listen,
I love I love you, too.
I love you, too.
SOPHIA:
I actually kind of
need to tell you something.
You know that, um,
I've been, like, obviously,
-in this relationship.
-Mm-hmm.
And I had to kind of
have this conversation
with him recently,
and everything that
I've been feeling.
And we broke up.
-Sucks.
-Oh.
I'm so sorry.
-Aw.
-I'm so sorry, my love.
That's hard.
Yeah.
I'm sorry, baby.
I think that, um
I feel like I've been
crying so much lately.
(laughs) Um
It's okay, it's okay.
This is a big thing, you know?
It's big.
SOPHIA:
After having time
with my dad at the gun range
and him giving me that advice,
I kind of promised myself
that I would be with
someone long-term
that was there in
the same place as I was,
and that I actually
could spend time with.
SISTINE: I think sometimes
when you start
dating someone or I start
dating someone,
they don't really know exactly
-what they're signing up for.
-Yeah.
And when you date one of us,
-you're dating all of us.
-You date all of us.
I know that for sure.
But we love hard,
and if you're in
our little tribe here,
we're going to love you so hard,
and you're never
going to want to leave.
JENNIFER:
It is incredibly hard
to be in a long-distance
relationship.
I know because every year,
sometimes twice a year,
Sly will go away to
a different country and film.
You know, we've lost months
away from each other,
and not being able
to connect face-to-face is
very, very difficult,
especially in a new
relationship like Sophia's.
Here's the good thing.
You did value yourself.
You put yourself first.
SISTINE:
Sophia, regardless,
I'm so proud of you.
It's not an easy thing to do.
JENNIFER:
And we love you.
It started new ♪
It's trying to shout ♪
A voice in my head ♪
And I can't get enough ♪
SISTINE:
Oh, yeah.
If there was a time ♪
I love this song.
Should I part my hair
in the back
or in the front? Hi, Bri!
(laughs)
SISTINE:
I feel
it is my sisterly duty
to rally Sophia's
friends together
and give her a girl's night out.
Get a little tipsy,
no strings attached.
She just needs to take
her mind off the breakup.
And, like, should we do shots?
I mean, what's the vibe?
-No.
-SISTINE: Yes!
Tequila always helps.
I got you.
To ladies' night
and Sophia's breakup.
(cheering)
Ladies.
VICTORIA:
So are you ready
to get back out there,
or are you just,
like, waiting it out?
You know, I don't feel like
I have, like, the confidence,
like, to go up
to anybody and, like say
Did you look in the mirror
before you came here?
(laughter)
You're beautiful,
you're a bombshell.
Like, I mean, there's guys
looking at you right now. Like--
-Where? Where?
-SOPHIA: He is not.
SISTINE:
Wait. Sophia, he's so cute.
Yeah, he's cute,
but he's not looking.
Do you have,
like, an opening line,
something you can say
just to break the ice?
What are you doing alone
tonight?
-What?
-What is
-Send a messenger
to get the vibe.
-Should I go get him?
-Yes.
-You don't think that's weird
that I'm not going up there,
going, like, "Hi"?
SISTINE:
No, no, no, you've got this.
This is a bad idea.
What is this, The Bachelor?
No, no, no, please don't.
Please don't.
It's fine. Go ahead.
There's no better wing woman
for Sophia than me.
I have a stunning sister
over there,
and she thought
you were really handsome.
-Thought I was handsome?
-Yeah.
-She did.
(exhales) I can do this.
Okay, I hope he just
didn't see that.
♪
You guys,
meet the special gentleman.
Hi, how's it going?
Hi, Sophia. Eric.
Nice to meet you.
So what are you all,
uh, up to tonight?
I'm so sorry they,
like, pulled you
It's a girl's night,
and we're celebrating
Sophia's breakup.
ERIC:
You want to talk
about it or is it fresh?
I feel like it's kind
of awkward to talk about.
Like, is it bad
to talk about our exes?
-No.
-For a first time talking?
No, that-that's actually
That's a very healthy thing.
You're gorgeous.
How could someone
break your heart, you know?
Oh, that was I like that.
-Check mark.
-Check mark?
Yeah, good-good job.
SISTINE:
Sophia is the worst flirt ever.
She has these eyes.
She goes,
"It's all in the eyes, Sistine.
That's how you bring them in."
I don't have to say anything.
I use my eyes.
Okay?
What, did Sistine say
something about my eyes?
Oh, my God, she did.
And she touches her hair,
like, every five seconds.
Oh, I'm a little hot,
so Okay.
Does it look better like this,
or like this?
Sophia, it looks the same.
It looks the same.
Did she talk about my hair?
Did she say, like, I flip my
-WOMAN: Yeah.
I'm not saying anything.
-Gosh, she's
SOPHIA:
Okay, you know what?
I might not be
the smoothest of them all,
but I do end up get
I have game.
I'm pretty ambitious,
so I have, like,
a hundred ideas,
but I don't know
what to commit to.
-Are you a planner?
-Oh, yeah.
What if I told you
I don't use a calendar?
Would that give you anxiety?
You don't, like
You don't have
-Uh-uh.
-a book that has, like
You don't write down plans?
I don't like people
that are back here
or, like, thinking about
where they're going next.
-That's everywhere out here.
-Oh, wow.
Everywhere Sorry.
(stammers)
That's fine.
-I don't know. I don't know.
-No, it's off for a reason.
Okay. All right, all right.
Good point, all right?
My podcast is kind of
my life right now.
We talk about, like, what we
like and don't like in dating.
Yeah, like guys that don't
wear socks with their shoes
is a red flag.
I I
-Are you not?
-(laughter)
SOPHIA:
I appreciate
my sister and my friends
trying to get me out of my head.
It was so nice meeting you.
-Okay, can I give you
a hug goodbye?
-Yeah, sure.
Or a Or a "Hug,
see you later," I guess.
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
I'm just not in the right
mindset and headspace
to be flirting whatsoever.
Especially if my sister
thinks I have dead eyes.
Imagine what I have when I
actually am still heartbroken.
I'm proud of you.
You put yourself out there.
It's not easy.
Well, cheers to you.
-Yes!
-Cheers to Sophia.
-To Sophia!
-For trying.
-You're doing amazing,
sweetie. Yeah.
-You are.
-Yay! It opened.
-(cheering)
JENNIFER: Scarlet
is going away to college.
I had a 3.5 average.
-That's amazing.
-There you go.
That's because
we stole the exams.
Oh, okay.
Well, I'm so excited
to go to college.
It's hard when your last kid
leaves the nest.
SCARLET:
I think it's really hard on her.
And I can definitely see it.
I don't want you to move,
baby love.
Come on now,
roll with the crazy ♪
Dance like 1980 ♪
Ooh, ooh ♪
Roll with the crazy ♪
Dance like 1980 ♪
♪
Roll with me, baby ♪
You ain't gonna save me ♪
Ooh, ooh. ♪
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