The Flatshare (2022) s01e02 Episode Script

1
You're literally sharing a bed
with a man you've never met.
What side of the bed does she sleep on?
The contract says strictly no crossover,
so he has it 8:00 a.m. to 8:00 p.m.
and I have it 8:00 p.m. to 8:00 a.m.
Justin has a new girlfriend.
This even legal?
Bad news, little bro.
My appeal was denied.
I don't know what you did, but
Armed robbery and I didn't do it.
That's the whole point.
Sex, drugs, and armed robbery.
There isn't any sex.
- I want you to write the article.
- No.
If it's as good as the pitch,
then it's going on the home page.
"Dear Tiffany, who is Justin?
And what do you want to do with this?"
He's always known exactly what I want.
Has he, though?
You didn't want him to cheat on you.
Or break up with you.
Oh, why is this so complicated?
Because you are dealing
with conflicting emotions.
"Insert hot water spout."
Right. Well, the answer is no.
Don't call him.
I want to say thank you.
It's starting a dialogue.
And you don't want a dialogue.
Problem is, I kind of do
want to start dialogue,
even though I know I shouldn't.
Well, you asked my advice.
Oof.
- What are you doing?
- Yoga.
What are you doing?
Trying to make a coffee.
Look, I know it's hard,
but maybe it's time to
start meeting other people.
Uh, yeah. Okay. Maybe.
You ready?
Oh, yes. Yep.
I'm sorry, I got to go.
We're rewatching "The
Wire" from the beginning.
Oh, yeah. No, of course. Sorry.
All right. Bye, bye, bye, bye.
"Dear Leon, Justin is "
Love of my life.
"My ex-boyfriend."
Oh!
How?
"Dear Leon, Justin is my ex-boyfriend.
I was hoping we could
find a way to make it work.
The coffee machine not my ex!
PS, How's Richie?
I was serious about wanting to help "
What kind of radiator was it?
- Morning.
- Morning.
Oh, good. I'm glad
the burns are healing.
Thank you so much for talking with me.
I think it's really important that we
share your story with the world.
So
how much ketamine are we talking?
Oh, I'm excited.
Hey, Phillip. Can I have a minute?
Not now, Rach.
Right, right.
And why did you think
another bump might help?
Hello.
I'd like to speak to
Richard Campbell, please.
Which department?
- Oh, do you mean like which block?
- Which department is he in?
- Um, the prison?
- Is this a prank call?
No. I'm a journalist.
My name is Tiffany Moore
and I'd like to speak
to inmate Richard Campbell, please.
Right, you can't call reception
and be put through to an inmate.
Then can you please tell
me how I can speak to him?
He'll need to register your number
and put you on his call list.
But how can I get him
to do that if I can't
MessageAnInmate.com.
Okay
What?
Oh, nothing.
So does your flatmate know
you're interviewing his brother?
I don't have an interview yet.
Right.
I'll tell him when
there's something to tell.
Yeah.
Why do you ask?
No, I'm just confused.
Is this an article about your
unconventional living arrangements
or racial disparities
in the justice system?
I'm trying to write
something that matters.
Speak of the devil.
You gotta stop talking
about me all the time, man.
It's embarrassing.
What's up with your voice, man?
It's nothing. Just some
dickheads trying it.
Did you get into a fight?
Bro, I just called to have a chat, man.
I'm going to sort it, okay?
I'm going to get you out of there.
Leon, we lost. Okay?
You've done everything you
could, bro, but we lost.
I'm all right.
It's Mum who's not doing so well.
Really?
You never called her, did you?
How long are you going to stay angry?
I don't understand how you're not angry.
Because posting bail wouldn't
have made the difference
and you know that.
So how's your sexy, new flatmate, huh?
I don't know, man. I never see her.
She sleeps in your bed, bro.
We have an arrangement,
yeah. There are rules.
She sleeps in your bed.
She asked after you, actually.
- Yeah?
- Not like that.
Although I found out she's single.
Now that's interesting, man.
Right, right. Love you too, bro.
Were you listening in on my call?
No.
How do you know she's single?
- So you were listening.
- A bit.
This ain't about
Tiffany or her love life.
Then why are you talking about her?
I've got to go to work.
- What about breakfast-dinner?
- Next time.
Why have you said she can keep it?
- What?
- That thing.
There isn't room in your flat.
Technically, it's her flat, too.
No. Technically, it's your flat.
You coming?
No. I'll let myself out.
"Sorry about your break-up.
I'm sure we can find a way to
make the coffee machine work."
"The coffee machine isn't going to work.
It's too big and Leon
doesn't drink caffeine."
"What we fear most is
what we most need to do."
Okay.
So you can appeal an appeal,
but it looks complicated.
I'm going to need a good lawyer.
- Al.
- Hmm?
What are you doing?
Trading. You ever tried it?
If I was only good at stocks and shares,
you think I'd be sitting here
eating a reduced-to-clear
chicken sandwich for lunch?
There's this dip-buy opportunity.
What's a dip-buy?
Buying the dip.
You invest during a temporary decline
and sell when the market rebounds.
What's wrong?
Think this mayonnaise
might actually be off.
Mm.
Last time, I made nearly 200 pounds.
I'm a bull.
Excuse me?
I'd say you're more of a bear.
What are you doing, Mr. Prior?
Okay, let's write you a profile.
- So you're on?
- I am.
I don't think I'd get onto that.
No, I don't think you would either.
You never go on any dates.
I'm too busy to go on dates.
She prefers to stay in with me
and rewatch new golden age TV dramas.
Okay, but I actually
want to meet somebody.
Like, in person.
Okay, how about this?
"ENFJ
What?
It means extrovert, intuitive
Feeling, judging.
- I'm not judgy.
- It doesn't mean that.
Okay, listen. "ENFJ looking to meet "
Someone to take my mind off my ex?
Tiffany.
Sorry.
Mr. Prior?
Mr. Prior?
Who's there?
It's me, Leon.
- Where am I?
- You're back at Saint Brioc's.
But don't worry, it's just an infection.
Johnny? Where are you?
Mr. Prior?
Johnny, it's me, Reggie.
Who's Johnny?
That's Mr. White to you.
I don't think Mr.
White is here right now,
but how about I ask around?
All right?
Let's get you back to bed
and I'll see if I can find him.
You're doing that fishy
thing with your lips.
- Oh, you mean a pout?
- Look.
This is the one that gets
me the most likes on Raya.
Oh, yeah. It's really beautiful.
Mm. Mo took it.
Mo?
- Oh, really?
- Yes! Come on.
Just I need the male gaze.
Just take a couple of shots
where I look sexy and cute.
But also clever and funny.
You know, natural-looking,
not too posed.
But also have a sort of
self-awareness about them
that show my personality.
Oh, and not heartbroken.
But with the capacity to feel deeply,
just not in a psycho way.
Yeah, sure.
- No probs.
- Okay.
You look like a fish.
Mr. Campbell?
You can go through now.
From what you've told me,
I'd be willing to take the case.
Really?
But I need to be straight with you.
Appeals like this can
take a very long time.
And realistically, there's little hope
unless we can find
substantial new evidence.
Right.
To put it in perspective, this year,
there have been more
than 1,300 appeals
and just ten were successful.
But those ten
We can put a quote together for you.
But it really depends on
the complexity of the case.
Mm -hmm.
My hourly rate is £450, excluding VAT.
And we would ask for a retainer
of ten hours before proceeding.
My team will prepare
at a rate of £300
The hourly rate, 400
Reviewing prosecution evidence
will be an additional
£400 for every ten days.
Thank you for your time.
I'll get back to you, if that's okay.
Of course.
"Sorry about your break up.
I'm sure we can find a way to
make the coffee machine work."
"Thanks. It's fine.
I've downloaded a dating app.
Taking a risk, doing the
thing I fear the most,
et cetera, et cetera.
PS, I didn't mean to pry about Richie.
Better to try and
fail than fail to try."
How's the article going?
Fine, yeah. Yeah, no.
I'm just doing background research.
Great.
- Did Richie get your email?
- I don't know.
I bet he'll be really grateful.
- Excuse me?
- For the exposure.
Or he won't. And then
I won't have an article.
It must be hard to focus with
all those men messaging you.
How many matches did you get?
Wow.
I have a date with Martin after work.
Well, I met Emily on a dating app.
Well, I mean, hopefully
Martin will be the one.
I just joined Raya.
"Writer, thinker, feminist."
Oh, my God.
- Another match?
- No, it's Richie.
Um
he says I can interview him.
Great.
Better to try and fail
than fail to try, right?
So you want to raise 5
and 1/2 grand this weekend?
That's just for the retainer, okay?
I need your maths here. How
much have I got to invest?
Well, I mean, theoretically,
if you invested £370 now
and sold when the
stock was at its peak
but you never know with cryptocurrency.
It's an extremely volatile market.
There might be a limit on the app.
- You did it.
- I invested a tenner.
It's important to manage your risk.
Risk. Yeah.
Look, fuck it. I'm going all in.
I was wrong. You are not a bear.
You are a bull.
Why are you working here
and not for some city bank?
It doesn't match my politics.
Oh, God. Watch out for that.
Mrs. Roberts tricked us into
giving her two double whiskeys
from the drinks trolley before lunch.
Have a good shift, boys.
Night, Tania.
Did you know that the
majority of humans,
when blindfolded, cannot distinguish
between the smell of vomit and
the smell of Parmesan cheese?
I work in asset management and insurance
for corporate enterprise,
mostly in markets for the Far East.
I enjoy it. I'm a people person.
I I enjoy the work
Well, it means I've been able to delve
a little deeper into risk
assessments and fiscal
Is your flatmate still being a dick?
Don't say "dick."
What's her job?
She writes for some online magazine.
How have I got all vowels again?
I want to write for an online
magazine when I grow up.
- Yeah?
- If I'm not dead by then.
Holly.
What are you looking at on your phone?
Nothing.
Tell me or I'm telling Tania.
You're not allowed to use
phones while you're on shift.
Aioli.
All right, I'll tell you.
I'm about to start
trading in cryptocurrency.
You going long or short?
Um, long. I think.
My mom's a hedge fund manager.
- Wow.
- I know.
I'm very lucky to have a
strong female role model.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Look, Tiffany. I think you're lovely,
but I just don't feel
there's that spark.
He didn't feel a spark?
Martin didn't feel a spark?
I'm prepping for court,
Tiff. Are you okay?
- Uh, yeah, sorry.
- Wait. One sec.
Oh, thank you.
Do you still have my hoodie?
Yeah, I put it back in your room.
- I'll leave you to it.
- No, no, no. Wait.
Listen, if you want to
filter out the incompatibles,
you have to treat dating like a job.
The men are applicants,
the dates are interviews.
Don't waste time, don't be sentimental,
and nothing that's going to
trigger any Justin memories.
Great advice. Thanks.
Tiff? Are you okay?
Fuck it.
"It's cool to ask about Richie.
Says he's okay, but
instructing solicitor
to appeal his appeal.
Mad expensive, but "
"Better to try and
fail than fail to try."
"Downloaded an app.
I'm now a cryptocurrency trader."
"Good luck with dating.
What are you looking for in a man?"
Right.
Mike.
Five.
Recruitment.
Badminton.
Tiffany.
Who are you and how'd
you get into my flat?
I'm Kay, Leon's girlfriend.
I have a key.
What are you doing with that?
Sun salutations.
Right. Well, anyway
You could have buzzed.
I did, but you must have been asleep.
Well, it's Saturday, so
Uh, Leon said we could make it work.
Yeah, it's too big.
- And Leon doesn't even drink
- Caffeine, I know. But please.
It's a present from my
ex-boyfriend, you know.
I'm
I really miss his espresso maker.
I'm trying to get over him.
I set up nine dates for tomorrow, so.
Well, you can't bring
any of them back here.
Presumably Leon's brought
you back here before.
Well, that's different. We're together.
Are you preemptively slut-shaming me?
No.
What if they steal something?
The only thing worth stealing here
is that coffee machine and
you want me to get rid of it.
Look, I actually don't care
about the coffee machine.
So then why?
I wanted to see what kind of woman
my boyfriend was sharing a bed with.
All I had to go by was your
art and your lingerie.
So it was you who went
through my underwear drawer?
No, I didn't go through it.
You left it open.
Oh, my God.
Um, okay.
Well, it was really nice meeting you.
I'd offer you a cup of coffee,
but I can't get the
fucking thing to work.
So if you can just go.
Oh, um, don't tell
Leon about this, okay?
Okay.
Hey. Where you been?
Shopping.
Babe, do you want to
see something amazing?
Wow.
Hey, you.
Get off the phone.
No!
- Seriously?
- Oh, no! No, no, no, no.
Fuck this.
No. Come on, come on.
No!
Ugh, I have no clothes.
Babe, I'm really sorry.
It was bad timing.
You looked amazing.
I didn't sell in time
and I lost a lot of money.
And I know that shouldn't
be important, but
it is.
I don't know what you're talking about,
and I actually don't care.
Babe, can we make up?
Stop calling me babe.
- Hey.
- Hi, do you have a booking?
- Yes, Tiffany Moore.
- Tiffany Moore.
Just to let you know,
we ask for the table
back after two hours.
Oh, I think there's been a mistake.
You appeared to have booked
three consecutive tables.
Yeah, that's right. Six hours.
That's a lot of small plates.
Tiffany?
Mike.
- Hi.
- Hi. Please take a seat.
- Can I get you any drinks?
- Oh, yes please.
What's weird is that
I've never met a man in real life
who's into rock climbing,
yet everyone on this app?
Really into rock climbing.
Well, I'm actually genuinely
into the whole outdoorsy thing.
Last week, a couple
of mates of mine, we
Oh, sorry. Ed.
Uh?
I'm afraid that's all
we have time for today.
It's Tom.
Are you sure?
All right, thank you.
- Oh, you're a dog person?
- Yup.
No, that's fine.
Just one of my
non-negotiable deal breakers.
You're not a racist, sexist, homophobic,
or transphobic though, are you?
Mm
Never mind.
These plates are very
small, aren't they?
So I know you're not
meant to talk about an ex
on a first date, but
I'm interviewing a few people,
but I will be in touch.
All right. Okay.
- Oh, my God.
- I know.
Sorry.
Tiffany.
Hi.
What are you doing here?
I was on a a date.
On some dates.
They were awful.
I was worse.
Right.
Uh, did you did you get my text?
About the coffee machine?
Um, yes. Yes, I did.
You're welcome.
I mean, it was a bit of a shock
to find out you were straight
into another man's bed.
Oh, no. No, it's not like that.
It's none of my business.
And you and Ariella
Tiffany.
Mm-hmm?
It's good you're moving on.
Justin
Are you ready, Justy?
Yeah, let's go.
I just, uh, bumped
into my friend, Tiffany.
Tiffany, Ariella.
- Ariella, Tiffany.
- Lovely to meet you, Tiffany.
You too.
- Take care.
- Okay.
Hello, it's Mo. Um, leave me a message.
Hello, you've reached Maia Constantine.
Please leave a message
and I'll get back to you.
Characters are kind of angry.
I'm not saying I need
to like them, I just
The point is they're good
people who do bad things.
What?
Sorry.
No.
I, um
It's Tiff again.
Should I answer it, or
Dinner-breakfast.
Cryptocurrency trader?
Yeah.
All right.
From now on,
the only thing I'm invested
in is our relationship.
That's lovely. Thank you.
Did you know
the majority of people,
when blindfolded,
can't tell the difference
between the smell
of Parmesan cheese
and the smell of vomit?
Why would you say that to me
when I'm just about to eat?
- Tiffany.
- Richie!
Sorry.
Don't worry.
- No one's going to jump you here.
- No, it's not
I had a rough night
last night, that's all.
I just I had nine dates in a row
and then I, uh, ran
into my ex-boyfriend.
- Ah.
- Sorry. Enough about me.
It's nothing, just yeah.
I didn't mean to stare.
It's just it's so strange meeting you
when I haven't met Leon.
Well I'm definitely the more
handsome of the two of us, so.
Right.
- And bigger muscles, than him, innit?
- Yeah?
- You should put it in your article.
- Your muscles?
He said you wanted to talk about
me like I was a celebrity, right?
Well, yeah. But I want to be
respectful.
I'm just happy you're
getting it out there.
But I want to be, like,
respecting your experience.
Look, I get that you're
trying to be woke and that.
But if you're worried
about getting canceled
before you've even written it,
then you're not really thinking
about the story, are you?
So tell me this story.
How long you got?
So I leave the club at
what, 2:30, kick out time.
And I'm with this
extremely beautiful woman
who's now saying I'm too
drunk to go home with,
which is
well, it's a big shame,
'cause aside from the
amazing sex we would have had,
it meant I didn't have an alibi, right?
So the bouncers, they overhear
me trying to convince her,
"Come, we'll go shop.
I'll get that prosecco
in the black bottle."
And imagine, this is
the same corner shop
where the robbery happens, right?
But I never go inside.
Listen, I was too drunk
to even speak properly,
let alone handle a firearm.
And as if all that wasn't mad enough,
walking home, I puke all
over my new white trainers.
Yeah. New edition Reeboks.
Yeah, Leon knows I only wear Reeboks.
I empathize.
I got drunk a few weeks ago
and I puked up in the smoking area.
What I wouldn't give to
be freezing my balls off
- in a smoking area.
- What I don't understand
is if there isn't any
hard evidence against you,
how were you found guilty?
Well, CCTV footage shows
a Black man in a hoodie.
Shopkeeper identifies me,
even though the gunman
was wearing a mask.
And the bouncers give a statement.
And you didn't have any
previous convictions?
Nah.
You weren't involved in any gangs?
Gangs? I'm a landscape gardener.
- Sorry, I didn't mean
- Don't be sorry.
Any publicity is good publicity.
Okay.
So can we tell Leon about this now?
I don't think that's a good idea.
Trust me, I know my brother.
He's a private guy.
He don't like the fuss.
Okay, well, I don't like lying to him.
Yeah.
Not now he's told me he's
appealing your appeal.
You can't appeal an appeal.
What's he like?
Good heart.
Stubborn as fuck.
Doesn't like change.
He never makes the first move.
You know,
my little brother has never
asked a girl out before.
- He's that shy.
- Well, I don't blame him.
After this week, I'm never
asking anyone out ever again.
That's time.
Hey, you believe me, right?
Yeah.
Here you go.
Lower.
Now too low.
That better, Mr. Prior?
Get out of the way!
Glad to see you're back to normal.
Holly, you're meant to be in bed.
But I can't sleep.
And it's so boring in
the children's unit.
What am I going to
tell your mom and dad?
Please, can I just stay
here for a little bit?
Please?
Fine.
Ten minutes and then it's bedtime.
So who's this Johnny, then?
Sorry, Mr. White.
You asked for him the other night
and I looked him up in the system.
But we don't have a
patient named Johnny White.
He won't be on your system.
Who is Johnny White?
We met in the army.
Wow.
That must have been
a very long time ago.
Don't be rude, young lady.
Did you stay in touch?
Letters, for a while.
Where is he now?
How should I know?
Did he die?
Will you both be quiet?
I'm trying to watch my program!
Mr. Prior used to write letters.
I wrote a love letter
once to a boy in my class.
Yeah?
Did he write you one back?
Yeah.
But he wasn't very good at spelling.
Okay.
I've never had a
boyfriend or a girlfriend.
I don't even know what
my sexuality is yet.
There's time for all that.
Have you ever written a letter?
I don't think so.
Although Tiffany and I,
we communicate via Post-it note.
That is so romantic.
That is not romantic,
it's just practical.
And you need to raise your expectations.
There's no point.
I'm hardly going to get
a love letter in here.
You never know.
All right, lights out time.
Night, Holly.
Night.
What are you looking for in a man?
Good question.
I have no idea.
I've been on nine dates this weekend
and I'm starting to think that maybe
I'm not cut out for
romantic relationships.
Maybe I'm just
Filling a void with
natural wines, small plates,
and conversations about rock climbing.
I've become so boringly predictable
with my car crash love life
that my friends don't even
bother picking up the phone anymore.
Hence, the multiple Post-it notes.
Write as many as you like.
I see you've found a place
for the coffee machine.
I'm glad we could make it work.
I bumped into Justin and his
beautiful new girlfriend last night.
She seems like a really nice person.
Nicer than me.
Maybe it was fate. You're
lucky you have someone.
I know I'm lucky.
Feels weird telling you this,
but since we're never going to meet,
I don't think I'm being a
very good boyfriend right now.
I fucked up this weekend and managed
to both upset her and lose
the best part of a week's pay.
I was an idiot for thinking
I could raise enough money for a lawyer.
Maybe you and I should
steer clear of the apps.
PS, I have something to confess.
I visited your brother.
PS, I borrowed your shirt.
I should have asked you, but I didn't.
And as a thank you/sorry,
I have washed and ironed it for you.
PS, If you want to borrow all my shirts
and then wash and iron them, please do.
I'm not making a sexist
comment about women and ironing.
I just love the feel of a pressed shirt,
but hate ironing it myself.
PPS, the kitchen tap is dripping.
PPS, will talk to
landlord about the tap.
They never fix anything, but
like charging for damages.
What happened to the wall?
I can't help it, I get
starstruck around you ♪
I feel like all these
people in this room ♪
Don't shine like you ♪
Woah-oh, oh, woah-oh, oh ♪
If I could bottle you up ♪
I would sip ya like cosmic juice ♪
Woah-oh, oh, woah-oh, oh ♪
So give me that good love ♪
Good, good love all night ♪
Don't need your cash, I got my own ♪
To spend it on you if I like ♪
If you want to dance,
baby, let's dance ♪
We can dream until the sun rise ♪
I can't help it ♪
I get starstruck around you ♪
What can I do, baby? ♪
I can't help it, I get
starstruck around you ♪
What can I do? ♪
Whoa!
- Whoa!
- Whoa!