The Goode Family (2009) s01e02 Episode Script
Pleatherheads
Sculpt from the heart, Ubuntu.
Each piece we make could raise enough money to save another narwhal The unicorn of the sea.
Ohh! Mine looks nothing like it's supposed to.
Of course it does, Ubuntu.
It looks exactly like a narwhal, um, ashtr er, coffee toothbrush holder.
It's supposed to be a narwhal toothbrush holder! I suck at pottery! Good, Ubuntu, good.
Artists need to express themselves.
Okay, you got rid of all that frustration.
Now we can get back to Doesn't that feel better? I guess Oh, you you still have some more, huh? Priced to start a bidding war.
How's it going, bliss? Eh, good enough.
Now I can put "saved the narwhals" on my college application, snag a scholarship and dodge having to go to Greenville Community College.
Is everything okay out there? Oh, yes.
Everything is fine.
Why? Is everything okay in there? Now returning to our coverage of the bass masters open.
Williamson is reeling it in, and nothing.
Damn.
Whoa! Ubuntu, there's no need to hide behind the punu mask of virility.
Should be called the punu mask of sucking at pottery and everything else you try and teach me.
It's because I'm adopted.
Adopted or not, you are a Goode.
That's right.
It all comes down to nature versus nurture, Ubuntu.
We just have to nurture you a little more and find something that's right for you.
We found your narwhal toothbrush holder in our yard.
Keep it.
Clay pissed me off.
Apparently, your 300-pound kiln pissed you off, too.
Sorry, Ray.
Ubuntu was just expressing himself.
Yeah, we saw that, and we want Ubuntu to express himself on the varsity football team with our son solo solo.
Y you mean tackle football? Like in the movies? The team does need help, and when I look at your boy, I see a kid with the hip flexion of the silver back gorilla.
He was born for this sport.
So you think I won't suck at football? Well, we appreciate you stopping by, but I think we're done here.
Goodbye! What was that, Helen? You never slam the door when you're sober.
I grew up in a football family.
It turns everyone it touches into raging psychotics.
One minute I'm playing with my dolls.
The next, I'm dressing Ken as a raider and burning him in effigy.
The Goodes are not a football family! Who's Ken? Captioned by closed captioning services, inc.
Whoa, Bliss, that's quite a large stack of dead trees.
My college guidance counselor asked me to bring him a list Of my top choices, so I googled "not Greenville Community College" And got a ton of hits.
Oh, mock G.
C.
all you like, but it's the one school where you, as a student, can achieve tenure.
Bye, dad.
"Football now"? Sorry.
But everyone in there looks like me.
I'll tell you want, kiddo.
After school, why don't you and I check out a football rehearsal? I'm sure your mom wasn't nearly as adamant as I remember her being.
Really? Yippee! Ubuntu and football.
Huh.
I just don't see it.
I know a 3.
7 G.
P.
A.
may not get me a free ride in the ivy league, but I'm thinking an elite liberal arts college near the water? Sorry, Bliss, but this is one of the few times in history where it's not a plus to be white.
If you're not in the top 5% of your class, Your best hope is that the mall opens a university.
But a 3.
7 is an "A" minus.
I saved narwhals, for God sakes.
A college credit would look good on your application.
You could try taking a class at Greenville Community College.
You want me to take a class at Greenville? The whole point is to not go there.
This has got to be some kind of trap.
How do I get out of here? No one ever leaves Greenville Community College.
Next! Hut, hut.
Hey! Excuse me! Uh, Mr.
Coach? My son Ubuntu here Good God! Please tell me you can maintain a "D" average! Uh-Huh.
So you'll let him audition? Hell, he's on the team! Let's try you out at left tackle.
Your job is to protect the quarterback.
Protect? I want to protect.
Great.
Listen up, everyone! This is Um-bum-shoe or something.
He's our new left tackle! Oh, hello, Ray.
Um, what are you doing here? Supporting the local athletic program and my gambling habit.
Hut! Hike! Protect! All right! Yeah! You all right, man! Daddy! I'm good at football! Hey, Gerald, I want you to meet Brian Kennedy.
The guys call me "Bri-Bri.
" Man, your kid's got some skills.
Up high! Don't leave me hangin', stud! Oh! Oh.
Well, here you go.
Nicely done.
Say hi to the guys, Ger.
Hello, guys and Mo and Trish.
Yo, Gerald! I'm glad you finally grew a pair and got your boy on the field.
Welcome to the booster club.
Oh, I I don't know about joining anything, especially without Helen even It's free, Gerald.
I'm thinking "tokchawee.
" Bliss, I will not let you change your name so you can pretend to be a Native American.
But, mom, colleges go crazy for them.
Red is the new black.
Why do Indians need to go to college anyway? You need a degree to plant corn and deal blackjack? Dad, that's horrible! You are a horrible, ignorant man and clearly know nothing about Native American culture.
Actually, the preferred term is "American Indian.
" When did that happen? Uh, Helen, we have a surprise for you.
Go, Bulldogs! Tire, tire, tire, tire.
Damn you, Gerald.
You've let the genie out of the bottle.
You've turned us into a football family! Ubuntu's tried hard to engage in our interests.
I think it's time we engaged in his.
My grandson a varsity football player! Who knew adoption could have a happy ending? Mommy! Look at my touchdown dance! Ah! Prayer circle! Gerald, you got honors.
Oh.
Oh.
Okay.
Um, dear higher power Guy or or or gal his name is Jesus.
Let me in.
What Gerald is trying to say, lord, is that we thank you for all your blessings and ask that you keep our boys safe and help them kick the living crapola out of the Mustangs! Amen! Amen! Know what would look good? If you wore this over that.
Hey! You look like you were born to wear that.
I know.
Z-88 trips right.
On 3.
Break! I'm gonna need some time, Ubuntu.
Then time you shall have.
Chill bulldog coming through! Lovely day for a game.
That's all it is.
Nothing to get crazy about.
Hut! Hey! Protect! Wait.
What's what's happening? W which one's Ubuntu? Is is he winning? Oh! Touchdown! That's what I'm talkin' about! Yeah! Hey! Not this again.
Yeah, that's right! This is our house! Our house! Bulldogs, number one! So, Gerald, I stuffed a turkey into a cow.
Want a slab? Oh, uh, none for me, thanks.
No, I I'm completely stuffed with grapes.
Ubuntu! I was blown away when you picked up the backer on that loop.
By any means necessary.
You kidding me? My grandson knows how to block inside out.
Hmm.
And killer power jab step on that sweep out of the "i" formation.
Who audibled the quarterback option to the weak side when you murped the murp for a touch-murp? Murp, murp, murp, strong jab, step.
Pulled a murp formation.
Murp, murp, murp, murp.
Catch! Murp till they murp, and murp the murpity-murps! Murp, murp, murp and you, murp, murp Murp! What do you think, daddy? Uh, well, I I thought we played well, but we just need a better field goalie.
Ugh.
Field goalie! Ubuntu, your old man's a real crack-up.
Ah, ah! My my head! My bottom! So you joining us for a father/son pregame retreat? It's a great way to bond with the kids, but it's fun, too.
Bring your gun if you want.
Well, while that does sound lovely, I, um father/son retreat? Yay! Sure.
Welcome to the club, buddy! Hey, hey, Gerald, you the man.
Oh, boy! Team looks good now, but they're gonna have their hands full against P.
S.
146 High.
Ooh! Worst school in the district, which means great athletes with nothing to lose.
Wait.
How bad a school are we talking? Like, if someone transferred there with a 3.
7, they'd be the top of their class? If they didn't get shot.
And I really feel I'd benefit from attending a school with such a rich history and diverse culture.
I bet you would like that rocket to the top of the class and have your pick of any university.
Well, okay.
I mean, if it goes along with the diversity.
Other high achievers have had the same idea.
Ho, ho! Very nice.
Which is why I must insist on a substantial transfer fee to weed out the less motivated.
Here's the wiring instructions.
Make sure to get the routing number right.
I I don't have this kind of money.
Sorry, Miss Goode, but you're clearly not P.
S.
146 material.
You could take a class at Greenville Community College.
Anyone can get in there.
Are you the wife of Jim Heller, the Bobcats' football coach? Well, I'm sleepin' with your husband! Wow, Helen, you are really going all-out to support Ubuntu.
I wish I could just jump into this world with both feet like you have.
Man up, Goode, and get your head in the game.
It's not about you.
It's about the team.
Suck it up and do what you have to do.
You're right.
I need to find a way to connect with these guys.
I know.
I'll bring my mandolin to the retreat.
Ooh, and my yoga mat.
Gerald, whatever happens this football season, just remember I love you.
And you love me, right? Are you coming on to me? My team is my best friend! Bulldogs till we die! Bulldogs! Bulldogs! Bulldogs! Ha ha! Bri-Bri maybe your son needs a hug.
No, I ain't got a kid on the team.
You don't have a son? And Ray doesn't? What about you guys? Where's Kevin? Aw, Kevin thinks football is gay.
Uh, okay.
Um, all right, everyone.
You know what would be really fun? Yoga.
Well, I think the Cincinnati Bengals do yoga.
Let's do it! Yeah! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! This needs blood.
Can't believe it's come to this, but I need you to sign my permission form so I can take a class at G.
C.
It's my only hope of getting a scholarship.
Now? I have to sign it now? Homecoming is tomorrow.
I have so much to do.
Ugh.
Fine.
"Helen 'go, Bulldogs' Goode?" Really? So when our boys open their lockers, they'll find these cute, personalized water bottles wrapped in bulldog blue cellophane.
That is so cute.
You know what else is cute? Losing! We need to get serious! Excuse me, Helen Don't use my real name! Now this pose is normally called downward dog.
But today I'm calling it "downward bulldog.
" God, I just love this! Yes! Yes! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Thanks for being a football dad.
Ah! Ah! Well, I guess everyone knows what time it is now! Kill! Kill! Kill! Hold on, guys.
How about instead of "kill," let's chant, "Outplay! Outplay!" No, no, Gerald.
It's time for the annual homecoming tradition of killing the pig.
About time! Aw, yeah! Yeah! All right! Kill! Kill! Kill! I love football! I can't let you do that, Bri-Bri.
Meat is murder.
Uh, excuse me.
We have to kill this pig.
We've been doing it for 50 years, and in that time, the Bulldogs haven't lost a homecoming game.
Be that as it may, you're not doing it this time.
Actually, I am.
Actually, you're not.
If you're so sure, then what am I doing now? Come on! You're ruing it! Let me in there! Protect! All right, everyone, listen up.
I joined the Boosters to support my son Ubuntu.
And I was willing to put up with the high-fiving, the buttock slapping and the confusing conversations about which Thai masseuse tells stories with the happiest endings.
But no longer.
I will not be part of the slaughtering of this or any pig.
Wake up, little guy.
Go live out the rest of your gentle life in peace.
Aah! Get him off! Get him off! See? This is what happens! Aah! Shh, little piggy.
Uh, dad, let's go.
It's okay, piggy.
Now let's show some Bulldog pride! All of you! Bulldog! Pride.
I said Bulldog! Pride! I thought so.
Now let's lay down that spike strip so the Bobkittens have to walk to the game.
Helen? What are you doing? Winning! What does it look like? Hey, you kidnapped the Bobcats' mascot! Nice work.
It's not their mascot.
It was our sacrificial pig for victory.
Then we should kill it.
Helen, what in the world has gotten in to you? Love of the game.
Do you have it? Do ya?! No, Helen, I don't.
I tried, but I just can't do it anymore, and clearly, neither can you.
I tired to warn you.
I know, honey, but it's over.
Ubuntu, I'm sorry, but we just aren't a football family.
This is, uh, intro to personal finance.
I'm Ted Brisk, and I've been a professor here for 15 years.
But, uh, compared to some of the faces I see, that makes me a newbie.
Look, it's the football team and the boosters.
Onstar, onstar, we are being attacked.
Onstar, where are you? Ubuntu, we've been looking all over for you.
The game's about to start.
Sorry, I can't support pig murder.
Aw, man.
We were going to state.
Hmm.
I think there could be a compromise.
Torture the pig.
No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I was thinking, if you made the pig your mascot instead of killing it, Ubuntu would be willing to play on the team.
It's the only way I'll play.
Protect! So what do you say, Ger-Ger? You back with the boosters? Well, I do want to support the team, but there can be no more touching my bottom.
Okay, Gerald.
Then let's seal the deal.
Up high! Eh.
There you are.
We heard you were involved in a little incident at the college.
Yeah.
I kinda lost it.
It's genetic.
Well, unfortunately, there is a zero tolerance policy for tampering with the fire alarm.
That's how professor Jenkins finally got fired.
But the school has agreed not to press charges if you agree to never step foot on the campus again.
Really? You mean I couldn't go to Greenville Community even if I wanted to? Nope.
Yes! Yes! Yes! So now what do I do? What?! Crap call, ref! Why don't I just wait in the car?
Each piece we make could raise enough money to save another narwhal The unicorn of the sea.
Ohh! Mine looks nothing like it's supposed to.
Of course it does, Ubuntu.
It looks exactly like a narwhal, um, ashtr er, coffee toothbrush holder.
It's supposed to be a narwhal toothbrush holder! I suck at pottery! Good, Ubuntu, good.
Artists need to express themselves.
Okay, you got rid of all that frustration.
Now we can get back to Doesn't that feel better? I guess Oh, you you still have some more, huh? Priced to start a bidding war.
How's it going, bliss? Eh, good enough.
Now I can put "saved the narwhals" on my college application, snag a scholarship and dodge having to go to Greenville Community College.
Is everything okay out there? Oh, yes.
Everything is fine.
Why? Is everything okay in there? Now returning to our coverage of the bass masters open.
Williamson is reeling it in, and nothing.
Damn.
Whoa! Ubuntu, there's no need to hide behind the punu mask of virility.
Should be called the punu mask of sucking at pottery and everything else you try and teach me.
It's because I'm adopted.
Adopted or not, you are a Goode.
That's right.
It all comes down to nature versus nurture, Ubuntu.
We just have to nurture you a little more and find something that's right for you.
We found your narwhal toothbrush holder in our yard.
Keep it.
Clay pissed me off.
Apparently, your 300-pound kiln pissed you off, too.
Sorry, Ray.
Ubuntu was just expressing himself.
Yeah, we saw that, and we want Ubuntu to express himself on the varsity football team with our son solo solo.
Y you mean tackle football? Like in the movies? The team does need help, and when I look at your boy, I see a kid with the hip flexion of the silver back gorilla.
He was born for this sport.
So you think I won't suck at football? Well, we appreciate you stopping by, but I think we're done here.
Goodbye! What was that, Helen? You never slam the door when you're sober.
I grew up in a football family.
It turns everyone it touches into raging psychotics.
One minute I'm playing with my dolls.
The next, I'm dressing Ken as a raider and burning him in effigy.
The Goodes are not a football family! Who's Ken? Captioned by closed captioning services, inc.
Whoa, Bliss, that's quite a large stack of dead trees.
My college guidance counselor asked me to bring him a list Of my top choices, so I googled "not Greenville Community College" And got a ton of hits.
Oh, mock G.
C.
all you like, but it's the one school where you, as a student, can achieve tenure.
Bye, dad.
"Football now"? Sorry.
But everyone in there looks like me.
I'll tell you want, kiddo.
After school, why don't you and I check out a football rehearsal? I'm sure your mom wasn't nearly as adamant as I remember her being.
Really? Yippee! Ubuntu and football.
Huh.
I just don't see it.
I know a 3.
7 G.
P.
A.
may not get me a free ride in the ivy league, but I'm thinking an elite liberal arts college near the water? Sorry, Bliss, but this is one of the few times in history where it's not a plus to be white.
If you're not in the top 5% of your class, Your best hope is that the mall opens a university.
But a 3.
7 is an "A" minus.
I saved narwhals, for God sakes.
A college credit would look good on your application.
You could try taking a class at Greenville Community College.
You want me to take a class at Greenville? The whole point is to not go there.
This has got to be some kind of trap.
How do I get out of here? No one ever leaves Greenville Community College.
Next! Hut, hut.
Hey! Excuse me! Uh, Mr.
Coach? My son Ubuntu here Good God! Please tell me you can maintain a "D" average! Uh-Huh.
So you'll let him audition? Hell, he's on the team! Let's try you out at left tackle.
Your job is to protect the quarterback.
Protect? I want to protect.
Great.
Listen up, everyone! This is Um-bum-shoe or something.
He's our new left tackle! Oh, hello, Ray.
Um, what are you doing here? Supporting the local athletic program and my gambling habit.
Hut! Hike! Protect! All right! Yeah! You all right, man! Daddy! I'm good at football! Hey, Gerald, I want you to meet Brian Kennedy.
The guys call me "Bri-Bri.
" Man, your kid's got some skills.
Up high! Don't leave me hangin', stud! Oh! Oh.
Well, here you go.
Nicely done.
Say hi to the guys, Ger.
Hello, guys and Mo and Trish.
Yo, Gerald! I'm glad you finally grew a pair and got your boy on the field.
Welcome to the booster club.
Oh, I I don't know about joining anything, especially without Helen even It's free, Gerald.
I'm thinking "tokchawee.
" Bliss, I will not let you change your name so you can pretend to be a Native American.
But, mom, colleges go crazy for them.
Red is the new black.
Why do Indians need to go to college anyway? You need a degree to plant corn and deal blackjack? Dad, that's horrible! You are a horrible, ignorant man and clearly know nothing about Native American culture.
Actually, the preferred term is "American Indian.
" When did that happen? Uh, Helen, we have a surprise for you.
Go, Bulldogs! Tire, tire, tire, tire.
Damn you, Gerald.
You've let the genie out of the bottle.
You've turned us into a football family! Ubuntu's tried hard to engage in our interests.
I think it's time we engaged in his.
My grandson a varsity football player! Who knew adoption could have a happy ending? Mommy! Look at my touchdown dance! Ah! Prayer circle! Gerald, you got honors.
Oh.
Oh.
Okay.
Um, dear higher power Guy or or or gal his name is Jesus.
Let me in.
What Gerald is trying to say, lord, is that we thank you for all your blessings and ask that you keep our boys safe and help them kick the living crapola out of the Mustangs! Amen! Amen! Know what would look good? If you wore this over that.
Hey! You look like you were born to wear that.
I know.
Z-88 trips right.
On 3.
Break! I'm gonna need some time, Ubuntu.
Then time you shall have.
Chill bulldog coming through! Lovely day for a game.
That's all it is.
Nothing to get crazy about.
Hut! Hey! Protect! Wait.
What's what's happening? W which one's Ubuntu? Is is he winning? Oh! Touchdown! That's what I'm talkin' about! Yeah! Hey! Not this again.
Yeah, that's right! This is our house! Our house! Bulldogs, number one! So, Gerald, I stuffed a turkey into a cow.
Want a slab? Oh, uh, none for me, thanks.
No, I I'm completely stuffed with grapes.
Ubuntu! I was blown away when you picked up the backer on that loop.
By any means necessary.
You kidding me? My grandson knows how to block inside out.
Hmm.
And killer power jab step on that sweep out of the "i" formation.
Who audibled the quarterback option to the weak side when you murped the murp for a touch-murp? Murp, murp, murp, strong jab, step.
Pulled a murp formation.
Murp, murp, murp, murp.
Catch! Murp till they murp, and murp the murpity-murps! Murp, murp, murp and you, murp, murp Murp! What do you think, daddy? Uh, well, I I thought we played well, but we just need a better field goalie.
Ugh.
Field goalie! Ubuntu, your old man's a real crack-up.
Ah, ah! My my head! My bottom! So you joining us for a father/son pregame retreat? It's a great way to bond with the kids, but it's fun, too.
Bring your gun if you want.
Well, while that does sound lovely, I, um father/son retreat? Yay! Sure.
Welcome to the club, buddy! Hey, hey, Gerald, you the man.
Oh, boy! Team looks good now, but they're gonna have their hands full against P.
S.
146 High.
Ooh! Worst school in the district, which means great athletes with nothing to lose.
Wait.
How bad a school are we talking? Like, if someone transferred there with a 3.
7, they'd be the top of their class? If they didn't get shot.
And I really feel I'd benefit from attending a school with such a rich history and diverse culture.
I bet you would like that rocket to the top of the class and have your pick of any university.
Well, okay.
I mean, if it goes along with the diversity.
Other high achievers have had the same idea.
Ho, ho! Very nice.
Which is why I must insist on a substantial transfer fee to weed out the less motivated.
Here's the wiring instructions.
Make sure to get the routing number right.
I I don't have this kind of money.
Sorry, Miss Goode, but you're clearly not P.
S.
146 material.
You could take a class at Greenville Community College.
Anyone can get in there.
Are you the wife of Jim Heller, the Bobcats' football coach? Well, I'm sleepin' with your husband! Wow, Helen, you are really going all-out to support Ubuntu.
I wish I could just jump into this world with both feet like you have.
Man up, Goode, and get your head in the game.
It's not about you.
It's about the team.
Suck it up and do what you have to do.
You're right.
I need to find a way to connect with these guys.
I know.
I'll bring my mandolin to the retreat.
Ooh, and my yoga mat.
Gerald, whatever happens this football season, just remember I love you.
And you love me, right? Are you coming on to me? My team is my best friend! Bulldogs till we die! Bulldogs! Bulldogs! Bulldogs! Ha ha! Bri-Bri maybe your son needs a hug.
No, I ain't got a kid on the team.
You don't have a son? And Ray doesn't? What about you guys? Where's Kevin? Aw, Kevin thinks football is gay.
Uh, okay.
Um, all right, everyone.
You know what would be really fun? Yoga.
Well, I think the Cincinnati Bengals do yoga.
Let's do it! Yeah! Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo! This needs blood.
Can't believe it's come to this, but I need you to sign my permission form so I can take a class at G.
C.
It's my only hope of getting a scholarship.
Now? I have to sign it now? Homecoming is tomorrow.
I have so much to do.
Ugh.
Fine.
"Helen 'go, Bulldogs' Goode?" Really? So when our boys open their lockers, they'll find these cute, personalized water bottles wrapped in bulldog blue cellophane.
That is so cute.
You know what else is cute? Losing! We need to get serious! Excuse me, Helen Don't use my real name! Now this pose is normally called downward dog.
But today I'm calling it "downward bulldog.
" God, I just love this! Yes! Yes! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Thanks for being a football dad.
Ah! Ah! Well, I guess everyone knows what time it is now! Kill! Kill! Kill! Hold on, guys.
How about instead of "kill," let's chant, "Outplay! Outplay!" No, no, Gerald.
It's time for the annual homecoming tradition of killing the pig.
About time! Aw, yeah! Yeah! All right! Kill! Kill! Kill! I love football! I can't let you do that, Bri-Bri.
Meat is murder.
Uh, excuse me.
We have to kill this pig.
We've been doing it for 50 years, and in that time, the Bulldogs haven't lost a homecoming game.
Be that as it may, you're not doing it this time.
Actually, I am.
Actually, you're not.
If you're so sure, then what am I doing now? Come on! You're ruing it! Let me in there! Protect! All right, everyone, listen up.
I joined the Boosters to support my son Ubuntu.
And I was willing to put up with the high-fiving, the buttock slapping and the confusing conversations about which Thai masseuse tells stories with the happiest endings.
But no longer.
I will not be part of the slaughtering of this or any pig.
Wake up, little guy.
Go live out the rest of your gentle life in peace.
Aah! Get him off! Get him off! See? This is what happens! Aah! Shh, little piggy.
Uh, dad, let's go.
It's okay, piggy.
Now let's show some Bulldog pride! All of you! Bulldog! Pride.
I said Bulldog! Pride! I thought so.
Now let's lay down that spike strip so the Bobkittens have to walk to the game.
Helen? What are you doing? Winning! What does it look like? Hey, you kidnapped the Bobcats' mascot! Nice work.
It's not their mascot.
It was our sacrificial pig for victory.
Then we should kill it.
Helen, what in the world has gotten in to you? Love of the game.
Do you have it? Do ya?! No, Helen, I don't.
I tried, but I just can't do it anymore, and clearly, neither can you.
I tired to warn you.
I know, honey, but it's over.
Ubuntu, I'm sorry, but we just aren't a football family.
This is, uh, intro to personal finance.
I'm Ted Brisk, and I've been a professor here for 15 years.
But, uh, compared to some of the faces I see, that makes me a newbie.
Look, it's the football team and the boosters.
Onstar, onstar, we are being attacked.
Onstar, where are you? Ubuntu, we've been looking all over for you.
The game's about to start.
Sorry, I can't support pig murder.
Aw, man.
We were going to state.
Hmm.
I think there could be a compromise.
Torture the pig.
No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I was thinking, if you made the pig your mascot instead of killing it, Ubuntu would be willing to play on the team.
It's the only way I'll play.
Protect! So what do you say, Ger-Ger? You back with the boosters? Well, I do want to support the team, but there can be no more touching my bottom.
Okay, Gerald.
Then let's seal the deal.
Up high! Eh.
There you are.
We heard you were involved in a little incident at the college.
Yeah.
I kinda lost it.
It's genetic.
Well, unfortunately, there is a zero tolerance policy for tampering with the fire alarm.
That's how professor Jenkins finally got fired.
But the school has agreed not to press charges if you agree to never step foot on the campus again.
Really? You mean I couldn't go to Greenville Community even if I wanted to? Nope.
Yes! Yes! Yes! So now what do I do? What?! Crap call, ref! Why don't I just wait in the car?