The Guild (2007) s01e02 Episode Script
Zaboo'd
I mean, I've been friendly online with Zaboo.
But nothing you wouldn't say to a coworker you see, like, five to eight, nine hours a day.
Ugh! I guess online flirtation can be interpreted many ways.
Especially if you're delusional.
Yeah, it was pretty easy to track you down 'cause I'm awesome.
Address, cell phone records, Xanax dosage.
I know everything about you.
Pretty cool, huh? Yeah.
No.
No.
Not really.
Tried to get here before raid time, but the Greyhound bus kept stopping for old lady bladders.
Bladder'd.
So We've never met before.
This is my house.
What are you doing here? Codex, you seem sad lately.
And I came here to the physical realm to hold you.
Look! This long-distance thing is killing our relationship.
What? Whoa! Zaboo, we don't have a relationship.
I mean, we're friends.
Friends, online, anonymously.
Oh, really? Well, this chat log says otherwise.
Chat Log.
5:38 a.
m.
3/13/07.
"Codex: 'Where are you? ' Zaboo: 'Farming in Netherhell.
' Codex: 'Can I help? I need gold.
' Zaboo: 'I will give you gold.
"' That's pretty sweet of me.
"Codex: 'No.
I don't want to ruin our relationship.
"' Followed by a "winking smile.
" Okay? You know, you winkie'd me.
No.
Because that was just a keyboard error.
You know, it was just supposed to be a colon.
A nice, impersonal colon.
The semi-colon just slips in when I can't hit the shift key.
It's a Freudian slip.
Okay? Our keyboard chemistry is undeniable.
I just really think that Oh, my God! What? What's wrong? I've gotta drop some kids off at the pool right now.
- What are you talking about? - No, I have to go poo.
Oh.
Gross.
Ooh.
Okay.
So you can go down the hall, and it's the first door on the - To the - To the left.
No, I know.
'Cause I know every floor plan of every place you've ever lived.
Floor plan'd.
Okay.
- That is inappropriate.
- You guys.
I just don't Bladezz.
- You shouldn't be arguing right now.
- Guys! You should live it up.
Hey, guys? Hey, guys? Guys? I found Zaboo.
But nothing you wouldn't say to a coworker you see, like, five to eight, nine hours a day.
Ugh! I guess online flirtation can be interpreted many ways.
Especially if you're delusional.
Yeah, it was pretty easy to track you down 'cause I'm awesome.
Address, cell phone records, Xanax dosage.
I know everything about you.
Pretty cool, huh? Yeah.
No.
No.
Not really.
Tried to get here before raid time, but the Greyhound bus kept stopping for old lady bladders.
Bladder'd.
So We've never met before.
This is my house.
What are you doing here? Codex, you seem sad lately.
And I came here to the physical realm to hold you.
Look! This long-distance thing is killing our relationship.
What? Whoa! Zaboo, we don't have a relationship.
I mean, we're friends.
Friends, online, anonymously.
Oh, really? Well, this chat log says otherwise.
Chat Log.
5:38 a.
m.
3/13/07.
"Codex: 'Where are you? ' Zaboo: 'Farming in Netherhell.
' Codex: 'Can I help? I need gold.
' Zaboo: 'I will give you gold.
"' That's pretty sweet of me.
"Codex: 'No.
I don't want to ruin our relationship.
"' Followed by a "winking smile.
" Okay? You know, you winkie'd me.
No.
Because that was just a keyboard error.
You know, it was just supposed to be a colon.
A nice, impersonal colon.
The semi-colon just slips in when I can't hit the shift key.
It's a Freudian slip.
Okay? Our keyboard chemistry is undeniable.
I just really think that Oh, my God! What? What's wrong? I've gotta drop some kids off at the pool right now.
- What are you talking about? - No, I have to go poo.
Oh.
Gross.
Ooh.
Okay.
So you can go down the hall, and it's the first door on the - To the - To the left.
No, I know.
'Cause I know every floor plan of every place you've ever lived.
Floor plan'd.
Okay.
- That is inappropriate.
- You guys.
I just don't Bladezz.
- You shouldn't be arguing right now.
- Guys! You should live it up.
Hey, guys? Hey, guys? Guys? I found Zaboo.