The Orville (2017) s01e02 Episode Script

1 (door chimes) Come in.
Good day, Captain.
Bortus.
How are you? I apologize for intruding upon your work.
Oh, no, it's fine.
What is that? That is, uh, Kermit the Frog.
I do not recognize the species.
It's an amphibious life-form from Earth.
Is it someone you know? No, no, he's just a leader I admire.
Always keeps his cool in a crisis, inspires greatness in his people.
He's So, what can I do for you? Sir, I wish to request a leave of absence.
For what reason? I have laid an egg.
(chuckling): You What do you mean, like you told a bad joke or something? Like, what? No, sir.
Moclans reproduce by laying eggs.
Klyden and I are going to have a child.
Bortus, that's great.
Congrats.
My God.
- You lay eggs? - Yes, sir.
Wow.
You know, I always wondered how a single-gender species populated itself, but Are-are they big? They big eggs? They are somewhat large.
Yes, sir.
Amazing.
Um, well, yeah, take all the time off you need.
The gestation period is approximately 21 days.
And you sit on it? You sit on the egg? Yes, sir.
Wow.
Well, listen, tell Klyden congrats, and, uh, if you got one more in you, dibs on the omelet.
(laughs) Sir? Sorry.
Bad joke.
Yes.
Bad "yolk.
" (laughs) You know, I'm-I'm just not gonna try at comedy with you anymore.
I will return to my quarters.
Okay.
(sighs) (exhales) I want eggs now.
Eggs? That's what he said.
Moclans reproduce by laying eggs, which I never knew.
Well, where does it come out of? The butt? You know, John, I didn't really pry into those kinds of specifics.
How's that not the first thing you ask? (signal chimes) Captain, we are receiving a distress signal.
Coordinates 8-3-0-4-9-3-4.
A transport ship has been attacked - by the Krill.
- How far away? With quantum drive at maximum, six minutes, 21 seconds.
Alara, send a message we're on our way.
Gordon, get us there as quick as you can.
Aye, sir.
Approaching the transport, sir, it's the USS Bleriot.
Let's see it.
Looks like they took a hell of a beating.
Scan for life signs.
How many passengers are on board? Captain, the ship is already scanning us.
They are? That's weird.
That's like a jinx, right? They owe us a Coke.
Alara, hail them.
Channel open.
Bleriot, this is Captain Ed Mercer of the USS Orville do you read me? Captain Mercer, we've been raided by a Krill destroyer.
What is the status of your vessel? Our injured are being treated, but we're in need of extensive repairs.
I can hear you, but visual is a little patchy.
That's why we scanned your ship.
All right, send us a manifest of everything you need - as soon as you can.
- Sending now.
And, Captain, it so happens we're carrying two passengers whom you know.
Eddie, is that you? Mom? Hey, buddy.
Surprise, huh? Yeah, it is.
Dad, are you guys okay? - No, no, we're okay, fine.
- We're okay.
We all just got a bit of a scare, that's all.
Yeah.
Well, except for your father.
Yeah.
I-I slept through the entire attack, and I just woke up a little while ago.
You know, a little too much of the sauce last night.
Mom, Dad, what the hell are you guys doing on the Bleriot? Well, your father and I wanted to spend the weekend on Deneb 3 - with the Petersons.
- With the Petersons.
We're receiving the manifest now.
- Who's that? - Is that Kelly? Yeah.
Hi, Mrs.
Mercer.
How are you? I'm fine.
You know, uh, Eddie tells us you're just a wonderful first officer.
I'm-I'm glad you two are friends again, after the, um, infidelity.
- MR.
MERCER: Okay.
- Yeah.
No, no, we're we're fine.
- Was it worth it? - Aw, Jeannie just drop it, huh? A honey like that, a couple of flies are gonna get through, okay? Uh, guys, you-you remember Gordon? Hi, Mr.
and Mrs.
M.
Is that Gordon? It's me, yeah.
Oh, okay, well, tell him I said hi.
- He just heard you, Dad.
- Hi.
- Who's that? - That's Gordon again.
Eddie, how's your stomach? Is it still bothering you? Uh, it-it's fine, Mom.
It's-it's okay.
Did you get the colon scan? I-I will.
I will get it.
Listen to me.
You get the colon scan.
Do you understand me? Because if you get the divert - Man, what is that? - Diverticulitis.
Diverticulitis, like I had, that's not a picnic.
What is it you got stuck in there? A sesame seed.
- A sesame seed in his colon! - In the colon.
Yeah.
It-It just gets stuck in there, because there are folds, you know? Yeah.
And it burrows in there for the winter, - and you got yourself an inflammation.
- Oh, God.
Hey, you know what, guys? We're just gonna come over there, okay? How does that? Right, Kel? You haven't seen Mom and Dad in a while I haven't seen them in ages, yes.
- Great! - Yeah.
Much better if we go down there and help out.
Great, much better, great.
So we'll see you in a bit, okay? Get the scan.
Oh, my God.
- Alara, you have the conn.
- Aye.
Wait, what? You have command while we're gone.
Well, what about Bortus? Bortus is in his quarters warming an egg.
That makes you the ranking bridge officer.
Oh, yeah, but I've never, um KELLY: Wait, this is your first time in command.
Yeah, so maybe someone else should You got this, okay? You wouldn't be allowed to wear that uniform if you weren't qualified.
We trust you.
Yeah.
Okay.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Oh, hey, uh, sorry about my parents, everyone.
They're, um My colon is fine, by the way, there's Yeah.
(door whooshes open) (door whooshes shut) Your mother hates me.
- She does not hate you.
- Oh, yes, she does.
She does not.
She hated you a little bit after the the thing.
You can tell me, you know.
I mean, we never talked about it.
- What'd she say about me? - It's nothing too terrible.
- You can tell me.
Just be honest.
- It wasn't that bad.
- Be honest.
- She once called you a bitch 46 times in one sitting.
Wow.
Yeah, the people at the next table complained.
But, look, Kel, it doesn't matter.
You know? That's the past you and I were a lousy match, movin' on.
Maybe.
We never really got the chance to find out.
Well, that's what happens when you let a blue alien bone you while your husband's at work, isn't it? Don't be a jerk.
In no way am I trying to be a jerk.
Honestly, Kel, most guys would hold a grudge for something like this I think you did us a favor.
I really do.
In fact, you know what? I want to thank you for your infidelity.
Look, all I'm saying is that if you hadn't been so absent, and I hadn't done what I did maybe it could've worked.
I say this with all due respect you are high.
Well, since we are seeing your mother, that's not a bad idea.
What are you doing? - (beep) - One cannabis edible.
ED: Oh, my God.
Seriously? You're kidding with that, right? Just in case.
What the hell? What is this? Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys! - Guys! - Isaac! The transport what happened to it? Scanners show no sign of the ship.
It appears to have been a holographic projection of some kind.
- What about the boarding party? - Searching.
Scans show no life signs.
They are gone.
I don't understand, how can they just be gone? John, wha-what about long-range navigational scans? I'm checking right now.
There's-There's nothing out there.
Not a damn thing.
(panting) Commander, the captain Oh, God.
Is it not customary to request permission before entering someone else's quarters? - It is - I am brooding my egg.
It is a private time for a Moclan.
Sir, I am so sorry, but the captain and the first officer are gone! Gone? Where? We don't know.
We got a distress call from a transport ship, and once they boarded it, the whole thing just disappeared.
Who is in command? I am.
Then, if they are alive, you must find them.
Sir, if you could just come back to the bridge.
The captain never would have left me in command if he had any idea that this I cannot leave my egg.
For how long? For 21 days.
I am sorry, Lieutenant.
I will not risk the life of my child.
You must remain in command.
One shot of Xelayan tequila.
Okay.
Deep breaths.
Deep breaths.
You're okay.
You're fine.
You gonna throw up? You gonna throw up? No.
You're all right.
(gags) (retching, coughing) Lieutenant, you all right? Yes! Yes, yes, I'm fine, Ensign - Parker.
- Parker.
Ensign Parker.
Sweet.
Go away now.
Oh.
(sighs quickly) Isaac, any sign of the boarding party? Negative, sir.
Status unchanged.
GORDON: Sir, there's nobody over there to pilot the shuttle back to us, but I can bring it over by remote guidance, on your order.
Got it.
Is is the order given? Yes.
Absolutely do that.
Aye, sir.
And good job with that remote thing.
Thanks.
Sir? Doctor.
Hi.
Any word? No, nothing yet.
What's next? What's next is we should lock a tractor beam onto the buoy and bring it into the shuttle bay to examine it for clues.
We got Dora the Explorer runnin' the show here.
Shh.
Lieutenant Lamarr, do you want to say something? No, sir.
Good.
Lock onto the buoy.
Sir, I would advise against that course of action.
We are not familiar with its defense mechanisms.
It's our only chance to find our people.
Lieutenant, lock on.
Aye, sir.
Locked on and pulling her in.
Bridge to shuttle bay.
Prepare to receive buoy.
Copy, bridge.
Opening bay doors.
Sir, I'm reading an energy buildup within the buoy's core.
Can you identify it? - It is - (alarm sounds) Sir, deactivate the tractor beam! (explosion) (grunting) Get those doors shut! ISAAC: All sections reporting.
Structural damage is extensive, injuries are numerous.
I'll be in sickbay.
Bortus to bridge.
What is happening? We, uh, took a little jolt, but we're in one piece.
Is your egg okay? It is intact.
However, such impacts are not conducive to egg brooding! Sir, hull integrity has been compromised - in the shuttle bay.
- I'm going down there.
Sir, if I may, your place is on the bridge.
I'm going down there! Think they'd give me three weeks off to sit on an egg? (electricity crackling) Chief, was anyone injured in the rupture? A few minor injuries, but the force field snapped on like it's supposed to.
Gonna take a few days to patch up, though.
Look, whatever additional power, resources you need, whatever, you've got it.
I appreciate that, kid, we'll be all right.
(device beeping) - Ensign Parker, what happened? - (grunts) Wrong place at the wrong time.
Will he be okay? Well, he won't be running any marathons for a couple of days, but he'll be all right.
Doctor, can I talk to you in private? Sure.
I can't do this.
- You mean command the Orville? - Yes.
I wasn't in that chair ten minutes, and I almost destroyed the entire ship.
What if someone had been killed? But you didn't.
And they weren't.
You're the ship's doctor.
You're the only person who can relieve an officer of command.
Can't you just come up with some reason that I'm unfit? Tell them I'm a drug addict, anything.
Just get someone to replace me, please.
No, I will not do that.
But I will give you some advice.
Now, sit.
Command is all about the balance between inspiring confidence in your leadership and knowing when to trust your people.
You got scared out there today.
Scared that they didn't respect you.
So you ignored Isaac's advice in order to appear in control.
Now, the question is, did you learn from this error? I'm willing to bet that you did.
Will you help me? I'm not gonna whisper the right answers in your ear, but I'll try to be your Obi-Wan however I can.
My what? Never mind.
What is this? It's our old apartment.
In New York City.
This is impossible.
It's exactly like I remember it.
Look at this.
This is the one from my office.
I took it with me when I moved out.
We couldn't have been sent back in time? I mean, that's that's crazy, right? (keypad beeping) The door's sealed.
KELLY: Here.
(both straining) It's okay, I got it, I got it.
- Oh! Oh! - Ed, are you okay? - Yeah, no, I'm fine.
- Are you sure? I'm fine.
I'm fine.
All good.
(inhales) Kel, where the hell are we? Lieutenant, I believe I have something.
What is it? My analysis of our scanner logs indicates there was a concentrated pulse directed away from the buoy at the moment of the incident, traveling along this trajectory.
What do you think it was? I cannot be certain, but I believe it may have been a form of molecular transfer.
You think they may have been transported somewhere? If so, there may still be residual traces of the pulse.
I will need to divert power to the forward scanners to conduct a long-range search.
We're already on emergency power.
All hands, this is Acting Captain Kitan.
Emergency power will be temporarily rerouted to the scanner array until further notice.
(over intercom): Newton to bridge.
Kid, you got to be joking.
You reroute power, and this ship's not gonna be goin' anywhere.
Chief, unless we know where the captain and the commander were taken, there'll be nowhere to go.
Oh, and it's "sir," not "kid.
" Just a friendly reminder.
Aye, sir.
Dora the Explorer got some balls.
Good ones.
Good balls.
(grunts): Crap! What about the window? I mean, we're a hundred stories up.
What are we supposed to do, scale a wall? Yeah, good point.
So, what do we do now? Survival.
I mean, as long as we're here, wherever here is, we better make sure that the food synthesizer works.
At least we won't starve.
Look at this.
It's my favorite robe.
I haven't seen this in two years.
By the way, this was an inspired idea.
Of course, if there's anything in the food, we're screwed.
Yeah, I kind of doubt whoever brought us here went through all the trouble just to poison us.
(pulls cork from bottle) Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.
- Mm.
(fork scrapes plate) Ed you think the Orville knows we're alive? You think they're even looking for us? Well, we better hope so.
I left Alara in command.
Yeah.
What do you think? Well, she's smart, but she's really green.
I know.
I'm gonna try to get some sleep.
Do you, uh, do you want the bed or the couch? Hmm.
You take the bed.
I've had so much to drink, I think I'd die at that altitude.
(chuckling): Okay.
And if we're still here tomorrow, we can move on to that brownie.
Hey, wait, do you do you remember that time that Jeff and Maureen invited us to the opera? (laughs) Oh, my God, yes.
And you knew I hated opera, so you made me smoke that joint before we left.
I'm so sorry, that was supposed to be mine.
- I gave you the wrong one.
- Your weapons-grade weed.
- Yes, I remember it very well.
- (both laugh) And it kicked in when we got to the theater, and I became convinced that I was That you were gonna be paralyzed.
That I would be paralyzed if I stayed seated - for longer than two minutes.
- (laughs) Oh, my God.
And remember, you bashed the hell out of Maureen's head - when you jumped out of your chair? - Oh (laughs) God, the size of the bruise on her face was just epic.
Was that when they stopped hanging out with us? - Oh, yeah, they were done with us.
- Yeah.
That well, you know, they sucked.
Who cares? They totally sucked.
Why did we - hang out with them? - I thought you liked them.
- I hated them.
- You hate That was the only reason that I tolerated You-you hated them? Yes.
I mean she never shut the hell up, and-and he smelled like sausage.
Well, then, you know what? I'm glad I hit her in the head.
(laughs) That makes two of us.
Mm.
I you know, this-this feels like a dream.
Being here, in this place.
It's like the last year never happened.
(sighs) I was just thinking the same thing.
I might have been wrong about what I said in the shuttle.
Maybe things could've been different.
Good night.
Sir, I believe I have pinpointed the destination of the subspace pulse.
Let's see what you've got.
(alert beeping) Oh, no.
Absolutely out of the question, Lieutenant.
But, sir, if there's any chance that they're still alive That sector of space is off-limits, no exceptions.
Sir, please, if we could just Lieutenant, you're young, so I'm going to overlook the fact that you are questioning a direct order from a fleet admiral.
We have reasons for keeping our ships away from that star system.
The Calivon are a very technologically advanced race.
And they view any species at a lesser technological level as inferior.
In the way a sentient being might view an animal.
We do not want to engage them in any way.
But what about the captain and the commander? Lost in the line of duty.
I'm sorry, Lieutenant.
As soon as your repairs are complete, your orders are to return to Earth where the Orville will be assigned a new captain and first officer.
- Tucker out.
- (beeps) (breathes slowly) CHILD: Hey.
Wake up.
Wake up! (snorts softly) Hey.
Hey, what's going on? Hey, can you tell me where I am? 'Cause honestly (child laughs, Ed grunts) CALIVON MOTHER: Nidal.
Come on, let's go see the Krill.
Mama, I want to see the Moclans.
If we have time.
Come on.
Let's go.
Hey.
Hey! What's going on here? Where am I? Hey, talk to me! MALE: You're wasting your breath.
You don't matter to them.
Who are you? What is this place? Looks like they finally filled that slot.
How's it going, new guy? Ed? What is this? What's going on? I Answer my question.
Where are we? A smart one, isn't he? Take a look around you, friend.
You're in a Calivon zoo.
(laughing) See, their buoys can scan your computers and then instantly generate a customized holographic lure.
As soon as you bite, you're transported here.
Like leaving an animal trap in the wild.
It even knew to make my dad talk about his colon.
That's an advanced technology.
They recreate your natural environment based on the data they've collected.
Once you're acclimated, whoosh! The wall goes up and you're the newest exhibit.
They got lucky with you guys.
Usually they don't get two for one.
(scoffs) Our natural environment.
What about him? He's only a child.
What's your name, sweetie? Baral.
Yeah? How long have you been here? Where's your mommy? I don't know.
SPINY-SKINNED ALIEN: He got here a few weeks after I did.
I've been here eight months.
What the hell kind of people do something like this? FURRY ALIEN: They're Calivon.
They think any technologically inferior species is theirs to do with as they please.
We're interesting and fun to watch.
Weird as that sounds.
It's not that weird.
There was a time where humans imprisoned animals for entertainment.
It wasn't intended to be cruel.
We just felt, as the higher species, we had the right.
Yeah, well, that was hundreds of years ago, so you tell me who's more advanced.
Hey! - We are not your Shamu! - (force field hums) I told you, they don't care! There's got to be a way out of here.
I mean, that that child belongs with his parents.
Why don't you ask Ock'or? Who's Ock'or? The big guy to your left.
You can't see him from where you are.
(snarling) He's been here 31 years.
In other words, there's no way out.
Well, that's the last of it.
Weapons and quantum drive are back online.
All departments show green, sir.
Repairs are complete.
Set course for the Calivon system, sir? No.
Set course for Earth.
Wait, what? What?! What about Ed and Kelly? My orders are clear.
The captain and first officer will be declared lost in the line of duty.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hang on.
What the hell are you talking about? The Calivon system is off-limits.
Return us to Earth.
Alara, that is a cold-blooded order, and you can shove it up your ass.
Lieutenant, you're relieved of duty.
Get off the bridge.
Lieutenant Lamarr, carry out the order.
Yes, sir.
(electronic beeping, trilling) Claire? Alara.
Come on in.
They hate me.
The entire crew hates me.
I mean, can't they see that I'm just as upset about this as they are? I mean, Kelly is my friend.
For God's sakes, I'm just following Admiral Tucker's orders.
And the admiral's right.
To put the entire ship in danger to rescue two officers who might not even be alive? No, he gave the proper order.
So you don't think we should go either? I didn't say that.
Alara, everything that you've dealt with, up until now, is child's play.
This is command.
You have a choice.
Follow orders and accept that the crew will hate you for it, or disobey orders and go after our people.
But, if you take that kind of risk and you're wrong, you could destroy your career.
Or worse.
(inhales deeply) (indistinct conversations) Xelayan tequila, double.
(softly): Thanks.
(inhales sharply) Hi.
Can I sit here? You can sit wherever you want, sir.
Okay, uh, thanks.
Guys, please.
I had no choice.
Permission to speak freely, sir? Yes, of course.
You know what the most heinous thing about this is? If the captain were in your shoes, he would've gone after you.
He would've risked his career to save your life.
You suck.
Sir.
Can I have everyone's attention, please? I have been given a direct order from the Fleet Admiralty to abandon the search for Captain Mercer and Commander Grayson.
But as far as I'm concerned, they can bite me because we're going anyway.
- (cheering) - GORDON: Yeah! Whoo! Yeah! Gordon, John, how fast can you get us there? As fast as you want, sir.
You're the captain.
- (cheering and applause) - Yeah.
Approaching the border of Calivon space, sir.
Kids, roll the windows up.
Okay, now comes the dicey part, so everyone listen up.
We can't just waltz into Calivon space in a Union ship, so Isaac's been working on a plan.
In sifting through the debris that collided with our shuttle bay, I was able to analyze a fragment of the Calivon holographic generator.
I believe we can use their own technology against them.
We can make it appear as though we are a Calivon ship.
But it will take every ounce of power we can spare, so all nonessential systems will need to be shut down.
Now, once we reach the planet, Isaac becomes key.
As he loves to remind everyone, his home world of Kaylon is technologically superior to the rest of us.
Intellectually as well, sir.
Right.
Thanks.
Kaylon is comparable in that area to the Calivon themselves, which means they should be willing to talk to us as long as he's with us.
White dude can go to Compton long as the black guy says it's cool.
I have no idea what that means, but yes.
If they'll speak to us, we have a chance of finding out what happened to our people.
Everybody ready? Isaac, give us a makeover.
- Yes, sir.
- (beeping) (electrical buzzing and humming) Approaching Calivon system.
Take us in.
Nice and easy.
Calivon patrol ship approaching.
They are scanning us.
Nothing out of the ordinary here.
They are moving on, sir.
- (computer beeping) - I am detecting two human life signs on the planet's surface.
- Is the shuttle ready? - Yes, sir.
All right.
Let's go.
- Oh, Claire, I have bad news.
- What's wrong? You're the ranking officer, which means you have command.
Enjoy.
Son of a bitch.
(spoon clattering in bowl) (clattering continues) Hey.
Do you want to not do that, please? - What? - We lived together long enough.
You know I do not like listening to people eat cereal.
It's morning.
I'm eating breakfast.
You know, you should try eating in the morning instead of drinking.
It's neat.
I'm having a beer.
Yeah, at 9:00 a.
m.
Which, in case you don't remember, is something that I do not like.
I'm doing something that the Germans "The Germans have been doing for centuries," yes.
You love that one, don't you? Well, guess what.
You're not German.
Well, you're not Franken Berry, so shut up.
You know what? It is all coming back to me now.
Oh, what, Kel? What is, what is - all coming back to you now? - Us.
Living together.
All the things that sucked about it.
Yes! This is exactly what I was saying on the shuttle.
Do you remember? And you said no.
I said, "We were a bad match.
" Okay? I am just as miserable with you as you are with me.
Well, great, finally some common ground.
Some common ground between the two of us.
Some common ground.
- Thank God.
- ALARA: Captain.
Alara? Alara, what are you doing here? Getting you out.
God, am I glad to see you.
Sorry about my breath.
Wait a minute, you you couldn't have gotten Union clearance to come here.
No.
We took a little field trip.
Well, I wish we could tell you how to get us out of here, - but, honestly, we have no idea.
- It would be reasonable to assume that if this is a zoo, there must be a zookeeper.
(digital trilling) - (door chimes) - Come in.
Well, hello there.
They told me we had a Kaylon visitor here at the zoo.
Welcome.
- Good day, sir.
- What brings you all the way out here? Besides the fact that we have the widest variety of species on exhibit anywhere in the sector? There is a matter I wish to discuss with you.
If you're gonna try and sell me that Xelayan female, I've already got one.
She is not for sale.
She is my pet.
Woof.
ISAAC: However, I would like to speak with you about the humans.
Oh, aren't they wonderful? They're brand-new.
The visitors are loving them.
I must inform you they are the property of another zoo, and were taken illegally.
Well, they should've been kept on a tighter leash.
Not my problem.
I'm afraid they were in the midst of treatment for a very rare disease they are carrying, one that could infect - your other species.
- You're kidding.
I am Kaylon.
We do not kid.
We would be happy to take them off your hands.
Damn it.
I don't believe this.
This is the administrator.
Initialize euthanasia sweep of unit 484.
(alarm blares) Uh, Kel? What's going? What what the hell is that? I don't think we want to find out.
Oh, boy.
We're in trouble.
Wait, what do you mean "euthanasia sweep"? Would it not be simpler to allow us to take the humans? We have a strict non-contaminant policy that's helped us avoid any epidemics among the exhibits.
I'm sorry, but even handing them over to you would risk a breach.
Don't worry, their deaths will be painless.
Uh In here.
Oh, my God.
- Oh, crap.
Uh - Oh, no.
Isaac, I need to talk to him.
Make him talk to me.
Sir, I would like you to listen to what my Xelayan female has to say.
(chuckles) You want me to talk to her? Is this a joke? All right, just stay calm.
Oh! I know it is absurd, but if you will indulge me momentarily, I would be most appreciative.
Okay.
Talk, Xelayan.
Thanks, dick.
Okay.
Why do you run this zoo? So our people may view different species in their natural habitats.
What if I were to trade you something that would be far more valuable to you? Something irresistible? And what might that be? - Uh - Oh, God.
No, no, no.
Uh, uh I'm going to the bathroom to read! What the hell was that? It was Elvis Presley's last words.
It was all I could think of.
And for outstanding courage, valor, and resourcefulness, in the finest Union tradition, I hereby present you, Lieutenant Alara Kitan, with the Sapphire Star.
(cheering and applause) Alara, you did great.
Kelly and I owe you big-time.
Let's just hope Admiral Tucker sees it that way.
Don't worry, Ed and I will cover you.
Yeah, we're a pretty crappy couple, but we're awfully good with office politics.
Hmm.
And this little guy was the best part of the bargain.
You excited to see your mommy and daddy? - Yes.
- Yes.
STEVE: You know, a lot of us are wondering exactly what it is you gave the Calivon.
It was Lieutenant Malloy's idea.
He guided me to a very old, very obscure section of Earth's cultural database.
I'm just here to serve.
They wanted a human zoo.
I gave 'em one.
TERESA GIUDICE (on TV): I am paying attention.
Obviously there has to be something else.
It's just not name change and arrested.
There has to be something else.
Are you stripping? - You were stripping.
- I was arrested! Prostitution whore.
You were (bleep) engaged 19 times?! You (bleep) stupid bitch! (bleep), huh? (clattering) (woman yells indistinctly) The Bachelor.
Duck Dynasty.
Keeping Up with the Kardashians.
There must be 10,000 files here.
What is this reality television? The best exhibit we've ever had.
(cracking) Klyden.
Come.
(baby cooing) It is a female.
That is impossible.