The Sarah Jane Adventures s01e02 Episode Script

Run! Come on, boy.
Don't you want a closer look? Ya-aa-aah! Good sense of smell, have you? Oh, yesbest nostrils in the galaxy, official! And you like my perfume? Lovely.
Then sniff this! SHE SQUEALS SQUEALING CONTINUES I've found a secret room! Not now.
Get it open! It's locked! That thing's real, isn't it? It's real This place is sealed! You're finished! - Right here, right now! - This way! LAUGHING AND GROWLING Maria! Come on! Maria! Luke! Sarah Jane.
I was wrong, it is aliens.
Yeah, I know! Raaagh! Right, listen She said make a smell, make a big enough smell and you'll get away! What'll we do, fart our way out? Would that be funny? What?! Come out, little ones They're nearby, Daddy.
I can smell you.
A strong smell, think! A skunk? Yes! Wolverine.
Pure masculine action.
Yaaarggh! COUGHING AND SPLUTTERING Go, go, go! COUGHING Hunt them.
GROWLING Wait for me! Sarah Jane! Come on, Sarah Jane! ZAPPING NOISES Sarah Jane, please! Sarah Jane! Into the car! Come on, hurry! What's that? Sonic lipstick.
Of course.
What is he doing here? Sorry.
Somebody else's life in my hands, just what I needed! They're getting away.
That's not fair, Daddy! That woman cheated! I want my hunt! Come here That woman had some sort of sonic disruptor.
This is a level five planet, they're primitives.
How did she get that? Who is she? The galactic police? She could be one of their agents.
No, she's human, she smelt soupy, they all do.
Still, if that's her only weapon, she's no big deal.
Daddy.
I want my hunt! You'll have your hunt later, I promise.
Tonight's the night the lights go out! THEY ALL LAUGH I want answers.
I've just been chased by aliens and you aren't even freaking out.
Why? Who are you? You've gotta go home, forget this ever happened.
Go home! No.
I'm part of this, I want to find out the truth.
What's in there and who's that woman? Just leave us alone, OK? The police won't leave you alone, when I tell 'em what happened.
Show me! OK! At last.
We've waited so long for this moment.
Times have been hard.
They've been closing in on us from all sides.
Judoon, forcing us out, the other families against us.
This will give us a new beginning.
Wealth, security.
When we have the money, what then? We'll buy a fleet of battle cruisers.
Return home to Raxacoricofallapatorius.
I shall smite the Grand Council, crush the Senate.
The Blathereen and the Hostrozeen will beg for mercy at my feet! But we mustn't get carried away.
First things first.
We have the equation, nothing can stop us.
Now it begins! The inhabitants of RaxaRaxa Oh! Raxacoricofallapatorius.
The outcast Slitheen Family are scavengers, thieves of technology, known to infiltrate low-tech planets by hiding in the skins of the dominant native species.
Slitheen in Downing Street.
What? Something a friend said once.
Gas exchange from skin compression often results in Farting.
Farting's funny.
Right, what's going on in here? Why don't you bring round the whole school? If he tells anyone who's gonna believe him? Wait, I've had monsters from space on me and no-one tells me what's going on.
Shut up for the minute, I'm busy and you're not important.
Even if it is getting like Clapham Junction up here.
Right.
The Slitheen have taken over Coldfire Construction.
Put up buildings all around the world.
Why? I think know.
There's a hidden room in the school, I saw inside.
What's in there? I've got a theory, Mr Smith could help.
Who's that, your dad? Mr Smith, I need you! 'Good afternoon, Sarah Jane.
' Oh, yes! Is that a computer? 'Who's that?' Nobody.
Mr Smith, Luke would like some help.
'Certainly.
Hello, Luke.
' Hello, Mr Smith.
Bring up our satellite image of London.
Now plot the positions of every school put up by Coldfire.
Ealing, that's us.
St Cheldon's Comp, Upminster.
Schools at Epping, Amersham, Richmond, Morden The ends of tube lines - if I'm allowed to speak.
This is real, all of it's real! The talking computer's real, the Slitheens are real.
Oh, yes! Mr Smith, plot the position of every Coldfire building put up in the last 18 months in the world.
'Accessing' Paris, Sydney, Beijing.
Not all capital cities, they're spread out all over the place.
They look pretty random.
Wait.
Underground railways - they've all got underground railways! Don't have to thank me.
Link them.
London, Barcelona, Washington DC, Santiago, Los Angeles, Sydney, Beijing, Moscow, Naples, Paris.
There's a Slitheen at every site.
And there are ten cities, ten sites.
Right, call the army.
Oh, right, cos that always makes things better.
It's not your job.
There's a cleverer way of going about things.
But what's it all for, what are they doing? Secret room, what was in there? Sarah Jane.
I've done something really stupid.
A really bad social mistake.
I told the Slitheen how to destroy the world.
I've input the boy's catalyst equation.
Now it works perfectly! We'll take the night side first, build up the charge, section by section.
And then This is Glune Fex Fize Sharleveer Slam Slitheen to all Slitheen units.
Is everybody ready? It wasn't working until I gave them the answers.
Oh, Luke The power cut last night was a test run.
But our candles went out and that's not electric.
'When the capacitors are charged up they act as transducers, 'converting heat and light into electrical energy.
'That's how the loop works, it's not connected physically.
' What has underground railways got to do with that? The system generates enormous heat.
They act as a cooling system! Glad we sorted that out.
People getting ill, food going off, that's the effect of being next to the capacitors.
'Indeed.
Even on standby, 'the transducers would cause cellular decay in organic matter.
' With this system they can drain energy from the Earth.
Our school's the last link in the chain.
But - it needs the whole chain to do that? Yeah.
We bomb the school? If we get in, could you destroy the system safely? I think so.
If we reset the system, shut it down.
I'd need a cutting tool.
What about this? Yeah, and how do we get past the Slitheen? We bomb them! 'Sarah Jane.
I've just picked up this report on an American news channel.
' Breaking news there's a massive loss of power on the west coast of North America.
Los Angeles has gone dark.
It's starting And I told them how to do it.
The day I was born I saved the world.
Now I've helped to destroy it.
It works! Section one down, grazie, Napoli! Thank you.
Moving to Section two.
Hello, Washington DC! Howdy, London! Connect! Mr Smith.
Give me everything you've got on the inhabitants of Raxacoricofallapatorius.
You're making that up.
Any weaknesses, anything we can use to fight them.
'Accessing.
' Anybody could have made that mistake.
No, only he could.
Clyde! Duh! Let's have a High School Musical moment, a group hug'll sort it.
You're right, as if a teacher could have worked out that diagram.
And the power loss is spreading westwards.
China is now without power.
It may be only a matter of time before the effect spreads here.
Oh, boy 'I have lost the signal.
' Anything on the Slitheen yet? 'Accessing.
' Come on! Section nine clear Dormez bien, Paris! That makes us next.
So synchronize the mega-wattage.
Er Oh, for the love of Clom! Mr Smith does like to take his time.
Come on.
'Raxacoricofallapatorians.
Calcium-based life-forms.
' Give us the weaknesses! 'Weaknesses.
' 'They are a naturally hardy race.
'However, their bodies are notoriously hyper-sensitive to' No! The Prime Minister has promised the blackouts will not affect the UK.
Thank you, Prime Minister.
We can't stop them without this.
It's real.
The end of the world.
Thanks to him.
Will you shut up! No Mr Smith.
No sonic lipstick.
No Plan B.
But we are the only people in the world who can stop this.
And we will.
Time to go back to school! Without the sonic thing we can't stop them! Plus they'll get us before we even reach If you can't say anything useful, go home! Wait! This morning, the Slitheen Jeffrey, he went mad when he nicked my bag.
So? What's a Slitheen gonna care about that? You saw him, he sniffed it, he was scared! What was in that bag? My books, some Tangfastics, and my lunch.
What was in your lunch? Cold chip sandwich.
I made it.
I wasn't eating from the canteen of death.
What? They're allergic to potato? Bread? Butter? No, the Slitheen in the office, ate a sandwich.
What was on the chips? Salt and vinegar.
Salt! Must be it.
If the Slitheen are made mostly of water, it would dehydrate them, like slugs.
No, they put extra salt in everything, bread, butter, it's something else It's gotta be the vinegar! Vinegar, that's acetic acid.
It reacts with calcium.
They're made of calcium! I'm right.
It's the vinegar! Kitchen! So what're we gonna do, just stand there and throw pickled eggs at them? Get it all into these.
I was joking.
The car's not gonna start, how do we get back to school? We run! The capacitors are charged! Time for the coup de grace.
The denouement.
Daddy.
You promised I could do it.
It's appropriate, don't you think? We are doing this for our children.
Yes.
A new beginning for a new generation of Slitheen.
Go ahead, lad.
Turn out the sun WHIRRING It just stopped, engine's dead, they're all dead.
So all this fighting aliens stuff, you've been doing it for years? Not now, Clyde.
Did you go up to the career guy at school and say, "I wanna defend the planet from alien invaders?" Not exactly.
So how did it start? It's a long story.
If we survive, I'll be happy to tell you.
WHOOSH! What's going on? It's transduction, like the candles.
They've switched off the sun! They're draining it.
It's getting cold.
We've got about 32.
5 minutes.
Everyone's gonna die.
I told you! We're going to stop them! What? The four of us? With vinegar in plastic squeezies? Alan, where's Maria? She's at her mate's, I think.
You think? This is the end of the world! It's a power cut, Chrissie, it was on the news.
The nights are drawing in and you think it's the end of the world.
Look! The sun's blue, it's freezing! Where is Maria, where is she? Daddy, she's come back! So what? She's an old woman with a funny lipstick.
End of.
My hunt! Ah-ah! I think an adult'd better deal with them this time.
HE CHORTLES They just let us walk in here! They want us here.
Well, what luck, because we want to be in here.
The secret room? It's this way Ah, human children, the stench of Haribo and chicken nuggets.
Get off this planet! Shush now.
It's time to hunt.
The hunt is an instinct with us.
The only way to keep our food safe in the days when the Baaraddelskelliumfatrexius beasts wandered the plains of Raxacoricofallapatorius.
The what? Sort of like giant squirrels.
We killed them all centuries ago.
But the hunting instinct remains! Now! Yaaargh! Didn't like that, did you? Vinegar! Get back! Sarah Jane, this way! Maria? It's working.
We're doing our bit, you do yours! One step further RAA-AA-AARGH! Keep back! HE GROWLS You're afraid.
A Slitheen girl your age would do it, wouldn't think twice.
But all the fight's gone out of you.
You just stand there shaking in your shoes.
That's why we survive, that's why you're losers.
All of you on this rubbish planet.
That's why we win! Argh! HE SCREAMS Oops.
Oh, great.
I did it! I exploded the Headmaster.
WAILING One of the Family something's wrong! Daddy, look! It's Glune, he's been vinegared! This is Kist Magg Thek Lutovin Day Slitheen calling the Family, we are under attack.
Glune Fex Fize is dead.
Emergency Plan A, all operators here, now! Daddy! Everything's going to be all right.
They're here.
In here.
And so are our uninvited guests! Behold, the capacitor! We drain the energy into these and store it.
In ten minutes this planet's atmosphere gets snatched away, but we'll be safe and warm in here.
And then a spacecraft picks us up.
And we sell everything we've collected.
Why are you doing this? The Family came here once before, just a routine job, but they never came back.
I think I might know what happened.
Who happened.
This planet will pay in blood! They were our Family! And Luke is mine! This will give us a new beginning! My son won't have to live like I've had to, cringing in the darkness.
And I want my son to live, to grow up.
I want what's best for him! Your stupid son gave us what we needed.
I didn't! What? I thought I did, but I didn't.
You made the mistake.
When you showed me the diagram, you didn't tell me that you'd steal power from the sun It'll explode.
It's a bluff! What's a bluff? Florm? Well, the boy might be right.
CRASH! It's happening.
Turn it off! You heard her, turn it off! There's vinegar in this! Water! That's a bluff.
I knew that wouldn't work.
If I reset the system, you can cancel the overload, make it safe? Yes! Right.
Son, reset the system! It's reset.
The system's off.
Now I'll just have to synchronise the mega-wattage.
Now! Daddy! Mum! Yaaargh! Luke! EVERYONE SHOUTS AT ONCE HE GROWLS Aa-aa-aah! SHOUTING AND SCREAMING SCREAMING It's going to blow up! Out now! It's out of control! Wait for me! Quickly, we've got to get out of here! You can't leave us in here! Use your sonic device, open the door.
Open the door! I'm only 12! He's my son! Please, let him live.
Luke.
You can't let them out! SCREAMING It's burnt itself out.
We did it! He was a child.
12 years old.
It was them or us! Some of the Slitheen got away, I saw them vanish.
Their machine's useless now.
We broke the chain.
Except there's buildings round the world with secret rooms and alien machinery.
Bye now, love to the Brig! Just sorted that.
Some friends of mine are going to clear it all up.
Friends from UNIT? Uh-huh.
What's UNIT, a furniture shop? Where were you? Come here! Oh, where've you been? We just went up town, grabbed some burgers.
The power went off, I was so worried! Now it's back on.
Oh, Sally Anne, bless you, for looking after my Maria.
My head was full of things that could've happened.
OK, where've you really been? What d'you mean? Such a useless liar.
Shut up, Alan.
Did you see the sun? It went blue! I mean I've heard of a blue moon, that's quite romantic but it was terrifying.
I was just gonna make tea, are you staying? Em, don't tell me, Tuesday, Spanish omelette.
As it happens.
So predictable.
Go on then, twist my arm.
Just this once, I'll suffer your cooking.
That's brilliant! Oh, sweetheart.
I may not live here, but I'm still looking after you.
Right, cos I'm so useless.
You are! The sun went out and you lost her! She was off gallivanting with Suzie Q! Sarah Jane, her name is Sarah Jane.
Whatever, Sarah Jane.
Tell you what, though.
Funny things have been happening since you moved in here.
I'm beginning to get suspicious.
Suspicious of what? Well, think about it, right.
You move in, opposite Sarah Jane and everyone turns into zombies.
Then you're with Sarah Jane and the pop factory blows up.
Then you run off with Sarah Jane and the sun goes out.
Just ask yourself what have those things got in common? Or rather, who have they got in common? Eh? I don't know.
Me.
It's all happening to me! I just can't move for disasters, it's like I'm cursed! What's that for, sweetheart? It's cos you're cursed! Here's your reward, a nice cuppa.
Oh, d'you mind? Just make sure you put that back where it belongs.
Is this from outer space? No, Venezuela.
You ask too many questions, Clyde.
Too late to stop me now.
I suppose.
That's how I got started, asking questions.
But you never told me.
How did you discover all this stuff, aliens and things? I met this man called the Doctor.
He was an alien, too.
What, like a big green thing? No, he looked just like you and me.
Except he was nothing like you and me.
He took me out into space far away from Earth.
You travelled through space? And time.
I saw planets and galaxies and all sorts of creatures, things you would never imagine.
So where is he now, then, this Doctor? Still out there.
Still wandering.
Still wonderful.
And he left me behind with his legacy, I suppose.
To help and to protect.
To make a stand and to never give up.
He sounds cool.
Cool? Yeah.
So, are you gonna see him again? I hope so.
The thing is, Clyde, you can't tell anyone about these things.
It's got to be our secret.
Can I trust you? Yeah.
Promise.
Thank you.
Sarah Jane, Maria's here.
Coming! He's gone back to calling you Sarah Jane.
It should be Mum! D'you think? Yeah, tell him.
Yeah, I don't know how.
'Diagnostic checks completed.
'All systems are functioning normally.
' All right, while they're downstairs, where are you from? 'All systems are functioning normally.
' Who built you? 'All systems are functioning normally.
'Beware your curiosity, boy.
' ZAP! MR SMITH CHUCKLES Freak weather conditions? Temporary reversals of the Earth's magnetic poles? That's the one.
Mr Smith, start a rumour.
Insert the words "temporary reversal of the Earth's magnetic poles" into media reports.
'Confirmed.
' Can't believe we can't tell anyone.
I should get millions for what I did today.
We all did it.
But who worked out the vinegar? Thank you, Clyde Langer! I'll walk you to the bus stop.
You're right.
This is great.
Weird, but great.
And you lot need me.
Can't believe you were gonna save those Slitheen.
They tried to destroy the entire planet, billions of people, what was the big dilemma? Bus stop.
You were good and if anyone says you're not cool, I'll set 'em right.
He's right.
Ah, you were amazing.
Again.
I nearly destroyed everything.
I messed up.
I messed up.
New block, the strangeness of it of all people, I should have seen it.
Instead, oh, I sent you and Maria right in there and that was nearly the end of you.
But I'm still here.
Always will be Mum.
The Lavender Lawns rest home is apparently being haunted by a nun.
Help me.
Doesn't Mr Smith believe in ghosts? And neither do I.
When weirdo nuns turn up on your doorstep asking about freaky, glowing alien gizmos.
One thing you never do, is tell them you've got one.
The talisman is dangerous? More than you can imagine.
No, wait.
Luke! The Abbess will want to see you.
The Abbess? Luke, he's been nabbed by a nun.
Really? Protecting a gorgon here? A creature with writhing serpents for hair.
The sisters, they protect her.
Look on the face of the gorgon and feel your flesh turn to stone.
SCREAMING