The Unusual Suspects (2021) s01e02 Episode Script
Episode 2
1
(CAR ENGINE REVS LOUDLY)
(YELLS) Slow down! Slow down!
I can't.
Slow down. Slow down!
Evie, I need to go back. I
No! Slow down!
(BOTH SCREAM)
(HORN BLARES)
Motherfucker!
We're OK. We're OK. We're OK.
Sara?
Oh, come on, Adrian!
There's a name for this.
ADRIAN: Yeah, catch and kill.
I think 'extortion' is the word
you're looking for.
Oh, get off your high horse,
Beasley.
If you're not interested,
I'll take 'em to the open market.
(SCOFFS) Who is gonna pay
anything at all
for some stupid snaps
of me and an old mate having dinner?
You know, I thought
that too, myself, until
this frantic phone call.
Frantic? I mean
I think you need your hearing
checked, as well as your eyes.
Makes me think
the word on the street is right.
Maybe you are on the verge
of a mega-deal
with a huge American corporation.
Maybe you can't afford a scandal.
What a delightfully sordid
imagination you have.
50K, they're all yours.
What?!
If I hang up,
we're not talking again.
50?! Whatwhat happened to 20?
New facts come to light, sweetheart.
Oh, fuck you,
you thieving, blackmailing fuck!
I was trying to save you from making
a complete cock of yourself,
but you can fuck off!
You have to stop doing this.
It's all over, Evie.
(SIGHS)
(TUTS) Come out now.
This is not a real problem.
Yes, it is!
The Americans
are famously puritanical.
They are buying me.
They are buying my image.
And my image is super-successful,
happily married,
devoted mother-of-three.
(SIGHS) It's just
your guilt talking.
No, it is bad.
It's all over, Evie.
Ma'amyou can't give up.
You can fix this.
The only way to fix it
is to buy the photos.
Obviously that's out.
We fix it another way, then.
You can say
it was a business dinner.
That you went up to his room
for a business thing
That's ridiculous.
What business? He's an artist.
I don't know.
OK? Another story, then.
You can make it however you want.
OK.
OK.
We need a different,
plausible narrative.
What we need ismore photos.
Photos that tell a different story.
I need to legitimise
my relationship with Nick.
What does that mean?
We ARE working together.
We are doing a show together,
in a big fancy gallery,
and I will be there,
and he will be there,
and everyone will see
that there's nothing to see
because Garth will be there as well.
Garth? Ma'am, this sounds like
a bad idea.
That's the most important bit
for our narrative.
Three old mates. You get it?
This is totally going to work.
You're a genius, Evie.
Uh, ma'am, this was not my idea.
You need to learn
how to take a compliment.
And stop calling me "ma'am".
It's Sara.
Now, come on, we need
to get these photos out there
before these ones,
or it'll all be for nothing.
Alright! Ma'am. Ma'am. Sara.
I'll help you.
But you have to do
something for me first.
This should cover what you need.
There's a shop in Paddington.
I'll give you the address.
Thanks, but you have to sell it.
What?
Word gets out
I'm hocking my handbags,
I might as well let them publish
those photos and be done with it.
Why can't you do it?
They'll think I stole it
from my boss.
Oh. Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
This, we can do something about.
What I desire
comes effortlessly to me.
I manifest my dreams with ease.
It is good to feel good.
I am a super-attractor.
What are you doing?!
My pension fund.
The one you and Jordan promised me.
The one where all my bonuses went.
Is it managed by Jordan?
So it's all gone.
I worked for you
for all these years for nothing.
I can't go home with nothing,
Roxanne!
I'll make sure you get your money!
WOMAN: Ah! I hear you plotting!
Amy, stop being a baby!
Good morning, Jeannie.
You two are out to take my son
for everything he's got. Admit it!
(MIMICS) "Admit it!"
Well done. You're so smart!
You heard her, didn't you?
I've got a witness!
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Try these. Kutsinta.
They're delicious!
Ha!
Mm!
G'day. Uh, Roxanne?
G'day. (GIGGLES)
I'm Gigi, actually.
I'm Dean from Photon Home Security.
Roxanne made an appointment with me
to install a safe
in the walk-in-robe
of the master bedroom.
I'll show you up.
Sweet place.
So who are you, then?
The little sister?
Sure. Let's go with that.
Yes. What do you think?
Hmm?
Wait, don't take my photo.
I just want you to see.
You're not putting it up
on social media.
Do you have any idea
what people give to be on my feed?
Ooh. Evie, you're a stone cold fox.
(LAUGHS)
Looking the part's only a start.
You have to wear it right.
OK, give me your best rich bitch.
What is that?
Sara, I'm sorry.
Don't apologise to me.
Just be me.
No, that's not it.
That's, like, mean me.
Like, I mean, be powerful.
Be an unstoppable force of nature.
OK.
Whoa! Evie! That's it.
That's totally me!
Oh?
Yes!
Can I see?
(BOTH LAUGH)
I was being Roxanne.
Oh. Whatever works.
(DRILL WHIRRS)
You know, you are very easy
to talk to, Gigi.
You wanna know why?
Because I'm deep, like the ocean.
So I bring it out of other people.
Oh, my God, of course.
That's why we get along.
You're gay.
I'm not gay.
So what are the nails about?
I like blue. Besides,
rules are made to be broken.
# Walk with me, all my girls,
all my girls with me
# Huh
# Huh, hey!
# All my girls bossy around me
I'm a savage
# All my girls bossy,
if they want it they can #
Paloma.
I know, babe, bunch of bullshit.
Let me know straightaway
if they sell.
How'd you go?
Paid what you said.
No questions.
Nice work.
Now let's go over to Nick's.
He's not answering.
Ah, one more stop,
then we do your thing.
But I promiseI did not do it.
Are you still acting?
My God, you ARE good.
Let me send this
and wire the money home.
I'll be back in 10 minutes.
That is all the information
that your sister's going to need.
How to change the combination,
the warranty and whatnot.
Well, it's safe with me.
You know,
this has been a lot of fun.
I think you'd make
a very good apprentice.
Oh. You'll have to fill me in
on Aussie customs.
Can you date your apprentice
or is that against the rules?
You are full of surprises,
Sara Beasley.
Afternoon delight
AND a new playmate.
Don't be disgusting.
This is Evie, my nanny.
Role play? That's kinky.
I couldn't risk
being seen alone with you.
The paps might be following.
You're not that fuckin' famous.
Clearly I am. Did you see my email?
Well, why don't you just buy them?
Catch and kill,
isn't that what they call it?
Why don't YOU buy them?
I'm broke.
And what do I care
if a few photos of us get published?
I told you
how important this deal is to me.
If those photos get out, it's over.
Not to mention my marriage.
And would that be so bad?
Yes, it would. I have a family,
and I love my husband.
Anyway, I have a plan to fix it.
What plan?
You're having a show.
I'm hosting it.
How will that help?
It will explain what
I was doing with you last night.
What do I get out of it?
(SCOFFS) Are you joking?
Youyou get so much out of it!
You'll sell work.
I'll reintroduce you
to the Sydney arts scene.
Awesome. I can't wait to leap back
into that cesspit of mediocrity.
You can spray venom all you like, but
you know that's what it's like here.
They'll all be desperate to buy work
from one of Australia's
most important artists
just back from a decade
of killing it in New York.
This will be gold for you.
It has to be a top three gallery.
Ted Scalia owes me a favour.
(YELLS) That fat fuck?! I hate that
guy. He's every reason why I left.
He's not fat anymore.
He had the band surgery.
You know it's a good gallery.
Just say thank you, Nick.
"Thank you, Nick."
Of course I'll hold.
Ted's totally going for it.
(PHONE RINGS)
Sara, are you sure
you want to do this?
Nick seems like bad news.
Oh, he absolutely is.
But he's a great artist, and all
the colour just helps our narrative.
I mean, who'd believe
I'd fuck that guy?
Alright, Beasley, you're on.
Who's the lucky artist?
Nick Parker-Smith.
That half-baked hack?
Why would you want to help him?
His recent work is garbage.
Nick's one of our most important
contemporary artists.
His last show was in the foyer
of an office building. Forget it.
The man's an idiot. Sells art to
people who know nothing about art.
You're his best customer.
(PHONE RINGS)
Paloma, go ahead.
One of the tabloids picked up
the photos. Comes out Friday.
Mm, and, um, Martha called.
The Americans are sending
their offer, also Friday.
Right.
Sara, I'm sorry.
We gave it a good try.
What? No! This is good for us.
We'll have our show Thursday,
get our narrative out there first.
I own a media outlet, after all.
Thursday is tomorrow.
I do my best work under pressure.
Pressure makes diamonds, Evie.
That guy said no.
I'll do it at home.
Our house
is basically a gallery anyway.
I'll invite Martha - give her a front
row seat to our version of events.
It's all coming together.
Here's what's gonna happen.
You're gonna go back to Nick,
tell him what's going on.
I don't care what he says,
just make sure he falls in.
I'll take care of everything else.
But first, take me to work.
I've got an event to plan!
What?
(SIGHS)
(PHONE RINGS)
(HANGS UP)
(SIGHS)
NICK: At her house?!
She gets an idea in her head,
she doesn't fuck around.
Sure. Tell her I'm in.
Who was the man outside?
The one who gave you money?
What? Ohjust a guy
who bought some work.
(SCOFFS) What work?
There's nothing here but rubbish.
He already picked it up.
And he paid you cash the same day
photos of you and Sara were sold.
Whoa.
What a coincidence.
You set the photos up. It was you!
Sara's a spoilt little rich girl
and she deserves it.
She might let you
wear her hand-me-downs,
but she probably pays you less
than what she spends on her hair.
I'm going to tell Sara.
She needs a story
to explain the photos
and you just gave her one,
the real one, of how you set her up.
And say what, exactly?
That she fucked me? Hmm?
That's what she's trying to hide.
I may have created an opportunity,
Evie, but I didn't fake anything.
Those photos
are exactly who Sara is.
Look, you're a good person.
I can see that.
But I know Sara.
She has a way
of surrounding herself with people
who are kinder and more patient
than she is,
and then she just sucks the life
out of them through a straw.
Those photos were nothing.
Imagine how much I could get
for something a little more juicy.
Help meand there'll be
more for you at the other end.
I'll bet this money
could really help you out.
Let it.
Jordan Waters, you are under arrest
on suspicion of fraud
Is this really necessary?
I said I'd come with you.
You have the right
to remain silent
You're making a terrible mistake!
A 200K mistake!
Mum, calm down and call Roxanne.
I don't know what 200K
you're talking about.
Yeah, you would say that, Jordan.
(PHONE RINGS)
Your husband has been arrested.
What?!
Fuck.
(PHONE RINGS)
SARA: I ran into
that old friend of mine - Nick.
He does those mad paintings.
Nick who you used to go out with?
Yeah. Poor thing.
I don't think he ever really got over
me leaving him for you.
He fucked up his career.
His whole life, really.
Oh. Poor him.
Don't be mean. It's tragic.
Imagine what it would be like
to be broke and a failure
and 10 years older than us.
So, I said we'd help him.
So are we buying
one of his paintings?
Nothing like that.
I said we'd host a show for him
here tomorrow.
We're having a show here tomorrow?
Tiny little thing.
OK, so you're helping your
ex-boyfriend out with his career.
What What about your husband?
Ah, once I pull off this deal
with the Americans,
I guess I could invest a bit more
money in your appity-app.
Oh, really, babe?
Would you do that for me?
Mmm
Would you?
I'll get the kids ready for bed.
Ah, yeah.
Great.
Thank you.
(PHONE RINGS)
Papa's friend.
I love Chanel.
Uh Um
Soon. I'm coming home soon.
You're going away? Ollie!
Sometimes I miss you, Mummy.
Ollie, Ollie. Evie's leaving.
OLLIE: What do you mean?
Charlie!
Ollie!
Oh, no, nothing.
It's the kids I look after.
CHARLIE: Evie!
Charlie
You're leaving us?
Charlie, please,
I'm on the phone to the Philippines.
You can't go.
We'll all die.
Evie
Why are you leaving? Evie?
Mum! Evie's going to leave us!
What on earth is going on?
Evie's going back
to the Philippines.
What?
Hey.
(HANGS UP)
This is so out of line.
I thought we were fixing this
together.
I can't talk to you right now.
You can and you will.
You can't carry on like this
in my home.
You can't hurt my kids.
What about my kid, huh? What about
what you've done to my kid?
You don't have a kid.
Yes, I do.
I have a daughter
and her name is Melanie.
How old is she?
She's eight.
That's Why didn't you tell me?
Because you don't care.
Of course I care.
If I told you,
would it change anything?
I don't know. That's not the point.
What's the point?
The point is you didn't tell me
you had a daughter.
No.
The point is I spend all day here
and she's not here,
and then I go home
and she's not there either.
The point is, I left her behind,
and I spend all day here,
making sure that your kids, your
household, your husband, they're OK.
I make sure everything is OK
for them and for you.
But every day that she's not here
and I'm not with her
..I am not OK.
Shit, Evie, I'm sorry.
What are you sorry for?
This is how the world is.
We both abandoned our children.
Sorry, I've
I forgot my
MAN: It's OK, hop on.
Thank you.
(CRIES)
Alright, Birdie,
let's hear your homework.
OK, uh, well, it's not a long list.
Um
I've got my legal skills.
I'm a shit-hot lawyer.
Well, I was a shit-hot lawyer.
And then there's
my observational skills.
And I'm good with computers.
Um, that's it.
Great.
But how do you want to feel
in this new chapter of your life?
OK.
I want to feel useful.
Yes.
I want romance. Ahhh!
And before I shuffle off
this mortal coil,
I want at least one more
proper adventure.
My client will not be answering
any further questions.
Yes. I need some alone time
with my lawyer.
Amazing.
Now I want you to stay
in those feelings.
Dream into them.
Feel your longing for purpose.
What happens now?
We wait.
The answer always arrives.
It often knocks right on the door.
And when it does,
it's our job to be ready,
to step forward and claim our desire.
But remember, it's not our job
to decide what it looks like.
We simply dream into our desires
and stay open.
I'll give you an example.
At the moment, I'm manifesting a new
home, and I love your neighbourhood.
So when I'm here,
I bless it with my appreciation.
Love you, sun. Love you, tea.
Love this moment right now,
with my new friend
in her beautiful home.
Oh, just take a pick
of the spare rooms.
Birdie, are you serious?
You see?
This is exactly how it works!
She doesn't deserve your loyalty.
Thanks so much
for your help with that.
Are you going to apologise?
This is all your fault.
You sent 200 grand from
our joint account to the Philippines.
For Amy.
To make up for her pension fund
that doesn't exist.
You knew. When did you find out?
I paid Rose Stevens
a visit yesterday.
She told me what you've done.
She told me everything.
Why didn't you talk to me?
I tried. You lied to my face.
Fucking Amy.
This is not her fault.
Don't try to blame her.
I had to look after her.
Well, you didn't.
The money you transferred?
It's been seized
and it's triggered all of this.
Looked like we were trying to
flee the country, for fuck's sake!
You've always been totally irrational
when it comes to that woman.
Stop putting this back on me.
You've ripped off everyone you know.
You're being charged with fraud.
And what about me, huh?
What about my reputation?
I'm a businesswoman.
I built my business from nothing.
Ha-ha! You built your business on
a loan from me, thanks very much.
And I paid back every dollar.
But it doesn't matter, does it?
Because you own half of it on paper.
I'm gonna lose my business.
Yes. Probably.
You promised
you would look after me, Jordan.
You said those words. You said
I was looking after you.
I told you
that's exactly what I was doing.
Well, how? When?
The bloody diamond necklace,
Roxanne.
That was supposed to be
your insurance policy.
You know like how I said,
"This is your insurance policy"?
Oh, you've blown it.
You'll never be able to keep a hold
of it now. It'll be seized for sure.
Ha! Oh, babe.
You just threw away 16 million bucks.
What is this?
NICK: They're my sculptures.
What about the paintings?
Painting's dead.
I thought it was back.
Yeah, it came back but then it died.
Again. Several times.
My practice evolves, Sara.
I can't be hemmed in with
preconceived notions about my work.
People love the paintings.
I can't just whip up a painting
and dry it with a hairdryer.
You wanted something today.
This is what I've been working on.
What are they?
I have been working with the idea
of the fallible infallible.
Please don't say that to anyone.
Excuse me, this one's not going
to fit through the door.
Oh, fuck! That's why I said we
should be doing this in a gallery.
It's fine. We'll do it out the back.
It'll be more atmospheric.
Oh, I'll just say
it's about climate change.
Brilliant. See?
Meant to be.
She's the real artist. (LAUGHS)
Who the fuck are you?
ROXANNE: I see you've reached
the food preparation stage
of your "getting over it" process.
My God, Roxanne,
we used to be friends.
We ARE friends.
No friend would stand by
and let me lose everything.
I didn't stand by.
Oh, thanks to your little
cry-baby act yesterday, I went off
And now I've lost everything.
Jordan's been charged with fraud.
Well, he IS a fraud.
What about me, huh?
Why couldn't you trust me
just a little bit,
instead of thinking the worst?
God, I am so sick of this story.
How it's my fault when all I did
was work hard and build a life here.
(SCOFFS) Lady, you sell duck lips
to women you hate.
Your husband is a thief.
You're going to end up looking after
that old bruha when he's in jail.
Roxanne, your life sucks!
Ahhhh!
(LAUGHS)
(SQUEALS) Hey! Not the Dolce!
You need some breadcrumbs.
(LAUGHS)
(BOTH SQUEAL, SHOUT)
And we're going to put this
right here and then we'll frame
the people, you know?
Where are the eco-straws?
How are we supposed to have a bar
without straws? (SHRIEKS)
Outside! In the tubs! Oi.
So what do you think?
We can do better?
I like this one.
Oh, you blend
with the fucking statues.
Well
I need all signs of domestic life
cleared away from my work.
I can't be in the same
fucking space as a barbecue.
I will get Paloma
to give you some interns. Now
Nick, this is Garth, my husband.
The famous Nick.
Gareth, is it?
Garth.
Sorry. Garth.
Thanks, um, for doing this.
Sara's a big fan of your work.
Ha! That's funny. I always thought
it wasn't about the work with us.
Why don't you go
and get started on some drinks?
So, Nick, where do you get
the ideas for your art?
I don't have ideas.
As such.
Ah, I should really get changed
and, uh, find where Evie is.
Yeah, where is Evie?
EVIE: I'm here.
I'm here. Sorry I'm late.
I missed my bus.
Don't worry about it. It's all
How are you? Good?
Oh. Yeah, I'm good. I'm great.
Good.
How are you?
Good.
Um, where are the kids?
Somewhere.
Uh, do you need me to take these?
No, no, no, no,
there's interns to do that.
Uh, Nick, help me with this?
Yeah, sure, Evie, I'd love to help
you move heavy crates of booze
outside.
I mean, that's what artists are for,
right?
(SIGHS)
What are you doing?
I needed to talk to you.
What do we need to do?
You have to act fucking normal.
Jesus, Evie.
You're going to blow this
before we get out of the gate.
Calm the fucking farm.
I'm so sorry.
I forgot what he was like.
No, no, it's alright, it's alright.
It's funny, isn't it?
I always thought
you still had a thing for him,
but he really is awful.
Yeah, sis. (LAUGHS)
God, who's going to clean this up?
Gigi?!
Gigi!
(FUNKY DANCE MUSIC)
(GENERAL HUBBUB)
Oh, beautiful.
Oh, that's lovely.
Thank you, yeah, grab a drink.
Go enjoy the art.
Can you watch them for a second?
You're right.
This was a stupid idea I didn't
think through properly at all.
Maybe I wasn't right.
No, you were.
I think I might be a terrible person.
You have a few good points.
Ahhwish me luck.
Martha. Welcome.
Hello.
So wonderful you could come.
Yeah, what a darling idea, opening
up your beautiful home like this.
Oh, just a casual little soiree
we threw together
Ah.
..that we've been planning
for quite some time.
OK.
Meet my indispensable genius, Evie.
Of course. Love your nanny.
Oh, you must meet my family. Garth!
Garth, come here and meet Martha.
Hi. I know your face.
Nice to meet you.
Yeah, you too.
Yeah, 'cause I'm on her, uh
I need you to distract the husband.
He's obviously picked up on Sara's
intense sexual obsession with me.
You're not having second thoughts,
are you?
Evie?
I'll do it, OK?
Nick! Get in here!
(CLICKS TONGUE)
So it all boils down to a big
misunderstanding with the police.
I'll try to hold it in
out of respect for you
and your lifestyle choices.
When have you ever held anything in,
Mum?
I don't know
what it's going to take
for you to see the woman
for who she really is.
Mum, I know exactly who Roxanne is,
and I know she's way too good
for either of us.
I didn't do it. Why would I steal
from my own family?
(THUMPING DANCE MUSIC)
Do you
(SQUEALS)
On three.
Oh!
(LAUGHS)
(CAMERA SNAPS)
You know, it's not often
life matches up with the brand.
You are the real deal, Sara.
I just love how much
you Americans celebrate success.
You won't believe it,
but there are people in this town
who would take any opportunity
to bring me down.
I've had my dark days
going it alone.
Well, not anymore.
Here's to Here's to strong women
rising together.
Together.
Garth, could you help me?
Sara needs you to get the chairs
out of the garage.
Why?
No-one sits down at these things.
What that woman wants,
that woman gets.
True, Garth?
Ah Hi, excuse me.
Could you help Evie
get some chairs out, please?
Sure. Yeah.
There you go.
Thank you.
Fuck!
Look at all this! Oh.
Not bad, is it?
It's great. Over there.
Who did that?
Hello, I'm Jordan.
I feel like we've met before.
Yes, I work for you.
She's your cleaner,
for Christ's sakes.
Please excuse her.
I AM your cleaner.
Oh, don't be coy, Jordan.
You know all about cleaners.
Sorry, Birdie?
Cleaning people out. Taking them
to the cleaners. I could go on.
That was just a big
misunderstanding.
Soon to be cleaned up
in a court of law.
Excuse us, we need a drink.
What are you doing?
This is a fictional assignment.
I had to do it,
or Sara would be onto me
Put those chairs in the garage.
You're ruining the Feng Shui.
You guys, we did it. It's working.
Martha is eating it up with a spoon.
We just have to unveil this art
and we are home and hosed.
Come on, Nick.
Right behind you, Sara.
Paloma.
I've had enough of you
running interference.
Take this and dump the contents
on Sara's laptop.
What is it?
It's malware.
It'll give me access
to her hard drive.
I'll find out all her secrets,
and her nudes.
Do it, Evie.
Remember, no results, no rewards.
SARA: (TAPS GLASS)
So, without further ado,
I would like to present
Nick Parker-Smith's very new, very
now, very exciting sculptural works.
You know, Sara, before we do,
I'd like to say a few words.
Oh, come on, Nick. You always say
talking about art is bullshit.
I think she's afraid of what
I'm going to say, folks.
GUESTS: Speech! Speech! Speech!
Full disclosure.
Sara and I used to go out.
And leaving this woman
..for New York for my so-called
career was the dumbest thing I did.
And I've done a lot of stupid shit.
I always thought
that I would get over her,
and that she would get over me.
In fact, she told me
that she was over me,
when she rang me to tell me
that she was getting married
a few months
..after I left.
I was knee-deep in Colombian cocaine
and American pussy back then.
Sad to say it hardly registered.
Sometimes you have to learn to live
with the mistakes that you've made.
And sometimes they are just
too big to cover up.
(PANTS)
This show is a tribute, a soliloquy,
a raging against
the dying of the light.
Because, folks,
that is what we came here for.
To live. To love.
To fuck it all up.
To have it all for a second
..and then to lose it again
in the blink of an eye.
Ah, fuck it.
Show 'em.
I give you
..Detritus!
A Love Story!
So, what do you think?
Wow. Smoky Mountain vibes.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, God.
(LAUGHS)
Oh, my God.
Did you see them? The sculptures?
Ted Scalia was not joking.
(LAUGHS)
I need to tell you something.
It's about Nick.
I made a big mistake.
You didn't fuck him as well,
did you?
That would be a big mistake,
trust me.
I didn't think your plan would work.
So when he offered me this,
I took it.
I'm so sorry, Sara.
Wow. Sopoignant.
It's garbage, fool.
You get it.
You have a discerning eye.
Nick Parker-Smith.
Jordan Waters.
Brutal, man. Brutal.
You got me right in the feels.
You know,
work like this is an investment.
I'm in investment. We should talk.
Let me get you a drink.
Bloody cheers, mate.
(WHOOPING LAUGHTER, CHEERING)
Yeah!
BOTH: Whoo!
Mabuhay, bitches!
Jordan!
What are you doing?
Thought I may as well get some wear
out of it before the Feds take it.
That is my necklace.
You have stolen my diamond necklace.
I most certainly have not.
Jordan?
I don't want to hear another word
out of your mouth.
You are nothing more than a gold
(GASPS)
..digging mail order bride.
I'm not a gold digger.
I'm the fucking gold!
(ONLOOKERS GASP, EXCLAIM)
Oh! Oh!
SARA: You utter bastard!
You tried to turn my nanny
against me.
This is an excellent Aussie party!
How could you? I did all this
for you, you talentless turd.
You did it for yourself, Sara.
You wanted it,
just like you wanted me.
AHHHH!
(ONLOOKERS EXCLAIM)
(SCREAMING, GRUNTING)
(SCREECHES)
(LAUGHS)
Don't you fucking laugh,
you fucking slimy fuck!
(PHONE TRILLS)
I'll put it in the safe for you, Mum.
(PHONE RINGS)
FEMALE VOICE: The number you have
called is currently unattended.
Well, we succeeded
in changing the story.
No-one's going to give a shit
about those shitty pap shots,
not when there's this.
(PHONE RINGS)
(CHUCKLES) Maybe the Americans
will up their offer
when they see Twitter tonight.
I'm trending.
I don't think so.
I saw Martha leave.
Maybe I can split the bribe money
with you?
No! No, no.
You earned that money.
That's all yours.
How much was I worth, by the way?
Three thousand.
Wow!
That hurts.
So what are we going to do now?
'We'?!
Maybe Nick bought you
a few more weeks of my time.
Well, there's only one thing left
to do in a situation like this.
Forget our problems
by getting good and drunk.
Do you drink, Evie?
Mmm.
Ah, thanks
for the change of clothes.
Oh, don't go, Roxanne.
We're always saying
we're going to have a drink.
Now's our chance. Come.
Have a drink.
I don't think we've properly met.
I'm Sara.
I'm Amy. Thank you.
Oh, and this is Evie, my nanny.
No, we know each other.
Very well.
Oh, you do?
Mm-hmm.
You're too good for this world,
Evie.
You didn't tell her, did you?
No.
Yes.
(SCOFFS) I know everything, Sara.
All the nannies know everything.
No, you don't. No, I didn't
I'm broke.
I'm going to lose everything.
No, sorry,
I've already lost everything.
(EXCLAIMS) Join the club!
To losing everything.
Yeah. (LAUGHS)
Well, I can't drink to that.
Unlike you, I really have.
You need cash?
You could sell that bag.
We know a place in Paddington
I know the shop.
But 10 grand? How's that gonna help?
Did you see the rock
I was wearing tonight?
That thing's worth $16 million.
(SPLUTTERS) Shit!
You need cash, you should sell that.
Of course you would suggest that,
Sara.
I'm not a criminal,
I'm a businesswoman.
Who said anything about crime?
What do you mean, I would suggest it?
You are always trying to get
something for nothing.
Why do you think
I have to babysit you at the clinic?
My girls can't say no to you.
Oh. That's not stealing.
That's good business.
That's persuasion.
Oh, sure.
I'll just persuade
my deeply racist mother-in-law
to return to me
the very expensive family heirloom
my husband gave me
without telling her.
Yeah, that'll work.
Oh, fuck that.
Well, if that's what happened,
thenyou should steal it.
We've always done the right thing,
and where has it got us?
In absolute shit.
Hey, if you're gonna do this, I want
a commission because it was my idea.
Stop it.
No-one is stealing anything.
That's right, Evie.
We are taking back
what is rightfully Roxanne's.
You know what?
I don't want a commission.
If we're going to do this,
we're all in on the ground floor.
Four-way even split.
Split the risk, split the spoils.
God, you really are a natural
at this kind of thing.
Oh, my God. Sara is infecting
all of you with her crazy plans.
Crazy plans? I am great at plans.
Hmm!
Whoa
Come on. You said that that plan
was going great until I fucked it,
so, OK, so maybe I shouldn't be
in charge of the plan.
Well, we'll all come up
with a plan together.
After all, we have the ultimate
inside man. Sorry, woman.
(CHUCKLES)
$4 million, Evie. Each.
Think about what you could do
with that.
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
Yeah.
We need this, Evie.
You need this,
maybe the most of all.
Oh, come on, Evie, we need you.
You're the straight man.
You're the sensible one.
You're going to keep
the whole thing on track.
I can't do it without you.
And you know I'm gonna do it,
so what do you say?
Oh, my God.
Yes!
(ALL LAUGH)
BIRDIE: Girls!
Jesus Christ.
Birdie, what are you doing here?
Oh, I, umleft my specs behind.
When do we start?
What are you bringing to the table?
A lifetime of legal expertise.
I'll keep you out of jail.
$2 million apiece.
You can still do a lot
with $2 million.
A minute ago
I was getting $4 million.
My point exactly.
I know useful things like
..you'll never get full whack
for a hot necklace.
And anyway, it's about time someone
around here stuck it to the man.
Yes!
(ALL LAUGH)
Stick it to the man.
(LAUGHTER)
Oh, my God,
I've never done this before.
Oh, wow.
Someone give our lawyer a drink.
Oh, I felt so nervous.
Welcome.
Oh!
(ALL WHOOP, CHEER)
Cheers.
Game on, molls.
(GAMECHANGER BY HYBRO PLAYS)
Captions by Red Bee Media
(c) SBS Australia 2021
(CAR ENGINE REVS LOUDLY)
(YELLS) Slow down! Slow down!
I can't.
Slow down. Slow down!
Evie, I need to go back. I
No! Slow down!
(BOTH SCREAM)
(HORN BLARES)
Motherfucker!
We're OK. We're OK. We're OK.
Sara?
Oh, come on, Adrian!
There's a name for this.
ADRIAN: Yeah, catch and kill.
I think 'extortion' is the word
you're looking for.
Oh, get off your high horse,
Beasley.
If you're not interested,
I'll take 'em to the open market.
(SCOFFS) Who is gonna pay
anything at all
for some stupid snaps
of me and an old mate having dinner?
You know, I thought
that too, myself, until
this frantic phone call.
Frantic? I mean
I think you need your hearing
checked, as well as your eyes.
Makes me think
the word on the street is right.
Maybe you are on the verge
of a mega-deal
with a huge American corporation.
Maybe you can't afford a scandal.
What a delightfully sordid
imagination you have.
50K, they're all yours.
What?!
If I hang up,
we're not talking again.
50?! Whatwhat happened to 20?
New facts come to light, sweetheart.
Oh, fuck you,
you thieving, blackmailing fuck!
I was trying to save you from making
a complete cock of yourself,
but you can fuck off!
You have to stop doing this.
It's all over, Evie.
(SIGHS)
(TUTS) Come out now.
This is not a real problem.
Yes, it is!
The Americans
are famously puritanical.
They are buying me.
They are buying my image.
And my image is super-successful,
happily married,
devoted mother-of-three.
(SIGHS) It's just
your guilt talking.
No, it is bad.
It's all over, Evie.
Ma'amyou can't give up.
You can fix this.
The only way to fix it
is to buy the photos.
Obviously that's out.
We fix it another way, then.
You can say
it was a business dinner.
That you went up to his room
for a business thing
That's ridiculous.
What business? He's an artist.
I don't know.
OK? Another story, then.
You can make it however you want.
OK.
OK.
We need a different,
plausible narrative.
What we need ismore photos.
Photos that tell a different story.
I need to legitimise
my relationship with Nick.
What does that mean?
We ARE working together.
We are doing a show together,
in a big fancy gallery,
and I will be there,
and he will be there,
and everyone will see
that there's nothing to see
because Garth will be there as well.
Garth? Ma'am, this sounds like
a bad idea.
That's the most important bit
for our narrative.
Three old mates. You get it?
This is totally going to work.
You're a genius, Evie.
Uh, ma'am, this was not my idea.
You need to learn
how to take a compliment.
And stop calling me "ma'am".
It's Sara.
Now, come on, we need
to get these photos out there
before these ones,
or it'll all be for nothing.
Alright! Ma'am. Ma'am. Sara.
I'll help you.
But you have to do
something for me first.
This should cover what you need.
There's a shop in Paddington.
I'll give you the address.
Thanks, but you have to sell it.
What?
Word gets out
I'm hocking my handbags,
I might as well let them publish
those photos and be done with it.
Why can't you do it?
They'll think I stole it
from my boss.
Oh. Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
This, we can do something about.
What I desire
comes effortlessly to me.
I manifest my dreams with ease.
It is good to feel good.
I am a super-attractor.
What are you doing?!
My pension fund.
The one you and Jordan promised me.
The one where all my bonuses went.
Is it managed by Jordan?
So it's all gone.
I worked for you
for all these years for nothing.
I can't go home with nothing,
Roxanne!
I'll make sure you get your money!
WOMAN: Ah! I hear you plotting!
Amy, stop being a baby!
Good morning, Jeannie.
You two are out to take my son
for everything he's got. Admit it!
(MIMICS) "Admit it!"
Well done. You're so smart!
You heard her, didn't you?
I've got a witness!
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Try these. Kutsinta.
They're delicious!
Ha!
Mm!
G'day. Uh, Roxanne?
G'day. (GIGGLES)
I'm Gigi, actually.
I'm Dean from Photon Home Security.
Roxanne made an appointment with me
to install a safe
in the walk-in-robe
of the master bedroom.
I'll show you up.
Sweet place.
So who are you, then?
The little sister?
Sure. Let's go with that.
Yes. What do you think?
Hmm?
Wait, don't take my photo.
I just want you to see.
You're not putting it up
on social media.
Do you have any idea
what people give to be on my feed?
Ooh. Evie, you're a stone cold fox.
(LAUGHS)
Looking the part's only a start.
You have to wear it right.
OK, give me your best rich bitch.
What is that?
Sara, I'm sorry.
Don't apologise to me.
Just be me.
No, that's not it.
That's, like, mean me.
Like, I mean, be powerful.
Be an unstoppable force of nature.
OK.
Whoa! Evie! That's it.
That's totally me!
Oh?
Yes!
Can I see?
(BOTH LAUGH)
I was being Roxanne.
Oh. Whatever works.
(DRILL WHIRRS)
You know, you are very easy
to talk to, Gigi.
You wanna know why?
Because I'm deep, like the ocean.
So I bring it out of other people.
Oh, my God, of course.
That's why we get along.
You're gay.
I'm not gay.
So what are the nails about?
I like blue. Besides,
rules are made to be broken.
# Walk with me, all my girls,
all my girls with me
# Huh
# Huh, hey!
# All my girls bossy around me
I'm a savage
# All my girls bossy,
if they want it they can #
Paloma.
I know, babe, bunch of bullshit.
Let me know straightaway
if they sell.
How'd you go?
Paid what you said.
No questions.
Nice work.
Now let's go over to Nick's.
He's not answering.
Ah, one more stop,
then we do your thing.
But I promiseI did not do it.
Are you still acting?
My God, you ARE good.
Let me send this
and wire the money home.
I'll be back in 10 minutes.
That is all the information
that your sister's going to need.
How to change the combination,
the warranty and whatnot.
Well, it's safe with me.
You know,
this has been a lot of fun.
I think you'd make
a very good apprentice.
Oh. You'll have to fill me in
on Aussie customs.
Can you date your apprentice
or is that against the rules?
You are full of surprises,
Sara Beasley.
Afternoon delight
AND a new playmate.
Don't be disgusting.
This is Evie, my nanny.
Role play? That's kinky.
I couldn't risk
being seen alone with you.
The paps might be following.
You're not that fuckin' famous.
Clearly I am. Did you see my email?
Well, why don't you just buy them?
Catch and kill,
isn't that what they call it?
Why don't YOU buy them?
I'm broke.
And what do I care
if a few photos of us get published?
I told you
how important this deal is to me.
If those photos get out, it's over.
Not to mention my marriage.
And would that be so bad?
Yes, it would. I have a family,
and I love my husband.
Anyway, I have a plan to fix it.
What plan?
You're having a show.
I'm hosting it.
How will that help?
It will explain what
I was doing with you last night.
What do I get out of it?
(SCOFFS) Are you joking?
Youyou get so much out of it!
You'll sell work.
I'll reintroduce you
to the Sydney arts scene.
Awesome. I can't wait to leap back
into that cesspit of mediocrity.
You can spray venom all you like, but
you know that's what it's like here.
They'll all be desperate to buy work
from one of Australia's
most important artists
just back from a decade
of killing it in New York.
This will be gold for you.
It has to be a top three gallery.
Ted Scalia owes me a favour.
(YELLS) That fat fuck?! I hate that
guy. He's every reason why I left.
He's not fat anymore.
He had the band surgery.
You know it's a good gallery.
Just say thank you, Nick.
"Thank you, Nick."
Of course I'll hold.
Ted's totally going for it.
(PHONE RINGS)
Sara, are you sure
you want to do this?
Nick seems like bad news.
Oh, he absolutely is.
But he's a great artist, and all
the colour just helps our narrative.
I mean, who'd believe
I'd fuck that guy?
Alright, Beasley, you're on.
Who's the lucky artist?
Nick Parker-Smith.
That half-baked hack?
Why would you want to help him?
His recent work is garbage.
Nick's one of our most important
contemporary artists.
His last show was in the foyer
of an office building. Forget it.
The man's an idiot. Sells art to
people who know nothing about art.
You're his best customer.
(PHONE RINGS)
Paloma, go ahead.
One of the tabloids picked up
the photos. Comes out Friday.
Mm, and, um, Martha called.
The Americans are sending
their offer, also Friday.
Right.
Sara, I'm sorry.
We gave it a good try.
What? No! This is good for us.
We'll have our show Thursday,
get our narrative out there first.
I own a media outlet, after all.
Thursday is tomorrow.
I do my best work under pressure.
Pressure makes diamonds, Evie.
That guy said no.
I'll do it at home.
Our house
is basically a gallery anyway.
I'll invite Martha - give her a front
row seat to our version of events.
It's all coming together.
Here's what's gonna happen.
You're gonna go back to Nick,
tell him what's going on.
I don't care what he says,
just make sure he falls in.
I'll take care of everything else.
But first, take me to work.
I've got an event to plan!
What?
(SIGHS)
(PHONE RINGS)
(HANGS UP)
(SIGHS)
NICK: At her house?!
She gets an idea in her head,
she doesn't fuck around.
Sure. Tell her I'm in.
Who was the man outside?
The one who gave you money?
What? Ohjust a guy
who bought some work.
(SCOFFS) What work?
There's nothing here but rubbish.
He already picked it up.
And he paid you cash the same day
photos of you and Sara were sold.
Whoa.
What a coincidence.
You set the photos up. It was you!
Sara's a spoilt little rich girl
and she deserves it.
She might let you
wear her hand-me-downs,
but she probably pays you less
than what she spends on her hair.
I'm going to tell Sara.
She needs a story
to explain the photos
and you just gave her one,
the real one, of how you set her up.
And say what, exactly?
That she fucked me? Hmm?
That's what she's trying to hide.
I may have created an opportunity,
Evie, but I didn't fake anything.
Those photos
are exactly who Sara is.
Look, you're a good person.
I can see that.
But I know Sara.
She has a way
of surrounding herself with people
who are kinder and more patient
than she is,
and then she just sucks the life
out of them through a straw.
Those photos were nothing.
Imagine how much I could get
for something a little more juicy.
Help meand there'll be
more for you at the other end.
I'll bet this money
could really help you out.
Let it.
Jordan Waters, you are under arrest
on suspicion of fraud
Is this really necessary?
I said I'd come with you.
You have the right
to remain silent
You're making a terrible mistake!
A 200K mistake!
Mum, calm down and call Roxanne.
I don't know what 200K
you're talking about.
Yeah, you would say that, Jordan.
(PHONE RINGS)
Your husband has been arrested.
What?!
Fuck.
(PHONE RINGS)
SARA: I ran into
that old friend of mine - Nick.
He does those mad paintings.
Nick who you used to go out with?
Yeah. Poor thing.
I don't think he ever really got over
me leaving him for you.
He fucked up his career.
His whole life, really.
Oh. Poor him.
Don't be mean. It's tragic.
Imagine what it would be like
to be broke and a failure
and 10 years older than us.
So, I said we'd help him.
So are we buying
one of his paintings?
Nothing like that.
I said we'd host a show for him
here tomorrow.
We're having a show here tomorrow?
Tiny little thing.
OK, so you're helping your
ex-boyfriend out with his career.
What What about your husband?
Ah, once I pull off this deal
with the Americans,
I guess I could invest a bit more
money in your appity-app.
Oh, really, babe?
Would you do that for me?
Mmm
Would you?
I'll get the kids ready for bed.
Ah, yeah.
Great.
Thank you.
(PHONE RINGS)
Papa's friend.
I love Chanel.
Uh Um
Soon. I'm coming home soon.
You're going away? Ollie!
Sometimes I miss you, Mummy.
Ollie, Ollie. Evie's leaving.
OLLIE: What do you mean?
Charlie!
Ollie!
Oh, no, nothing.
It's the kids I look after.
CHARLIE: Evie!
Charlie
You're leaving us?
Charlie, please,
I'm on the phone to the Philippines.
You can't go.
We'll all die.
Evie
Why are you leaving? Evie?
Mum! Evie's going to leave us!
What on earth is going on?
Evie's going back
to the Philippines.
What?
Hey.
(HANGS UP)
This is so out of line.
I thought we were fixing this
together.
I can't talk to you right now.
You can and you will.
You can't carry on like this
in my home.
You can't hurt my kids.
What about my kid, huh? What about
what you've done to my kid?
You don't have a kid.
Yes, I do.
I have a daughter
and her name is Melanie.
How old is she?
She's eight.
That's Why didn't you tell me?
Because you don't care.
Of course I care.
If I told you,
would it change anything?
I don't know. That's not the point.
What's the point?
The point is you didn't tell me
you had a daughter.
No.
The point is I spend all day here
and she's not here,
and then I go home
and she's not there either.
The point is, I left her behind,
and I spend all day here,
making sure that your kids, your
household, your husband, they're OK.
I make sure everything is OK
for them and for you.
But every day that she's not here
and I'm not with her
..I am not OK.
Shit, Evie, I'm sorry.
What are you sorry for?
This is how the world is.
We both abandoned our children.
Sorry, I've
I forgot my
MAN: It's OK, hop on.
Thank you.
(CRIES)
Alright, Birdie,
let's hear your homework.
OK, uh, well, it's not a long list.
Um
I've got my legal skills.
I'm a shit-hot lawyer.
Well, I was a shit-hot lawyer.
And then there's
my observational skills.
And I'm good with computers.
Um, that's it.
Great.
But how do you want to feel
in this new chapter of your life?
OK.
I want to feel useful.
Yes.
I want romance. Ahhh!
And before I shuffle off
this mortal coil,
I want at least one more
proper adventure.
My client will not be answering
any further questions.
Yes. I need some alone time
with my lawyer.
Amazing.
Now I want you to stay
in those feelings.
Dream into them.
Feel your longing for purpose.
What happens now?
We wait.
The answer always arrives.
It often knocks right on the door.
And when it does,
it's our job to be ready,
to step forward and claim our desire.
But remember, it's not our job
to decide what it looks like.
We simply dream into our desires
and stay open.
I'll give you an example.
At the moment, I'm manifesting a new
home, and I love your neighbourhood.
So when I'm here,
I bless it with my appreciation.
Love you, sun. Love you, tea.
Love this moment right now,
with my new friend
in her beautiful home.
Oh, just take a pick
of the spare rooms.
Birdie, are you serious?
You see?
This is exactly how it works!
She doesn't deserve your loyalty.
Thanks so much
for your help with that.
Are you going to apologise?
This is all your fault.
You sent 200 grand from
our joint account to the Philippines.
For Amy.
To make up for her pension fund
that doesn't exist.
You knew. When did you find out?
I paid Rose Stevens
a visit yesterday.
She told me what you've done.
She told me everything.
Why didn't you talk to me?
I tried. You lied to my face.
Fucking Amy.
This is not her fault.
Don't try to blame her.
I had to look after her.
Well, you didn't.
The money you transferred?
It's been seized
and it's triggered all of this.
Looked like we were trying to
flee the country, for fuck's sake!
You've always been totally irrational
when it comes to that woman.
Stop putting this back on me.
You've ripped off everyone you know.
You're being charged with fraud.
And what about me, huh?
What about my reputation?
I'm a businesswoman.
I built my business from nothing.
Ha-ha! You built your business on
a loan from me, thanks very much.
And I paid back every dollar.
But it doesn't matter, does it?
Because you own half of it on paper.
I'm gonna lose my business.
Yes. Probably.
You promised
you would look after me, Jordan.
You said those words. You said
I was looking after you.
I told you
that's exactly what I was doing.
Well, how? When?
The bloody diamond necklace,
Roxanne.
That was supposed to be
your insurance policy.
You know like how I said,
"This is your insurance policy"?
Oh, you've blown it.
You'll never be able to keep a hold
of it now. It'll be seized for sure.
Ha! Oh, babe.
You just threw away 16 million bucks.
What is this?
NICK: They're my sculptures.
What about the paintings?
Painting's dead.
I thought it was back.
Yeah, it came back but then it died.
Again. Several times.
My practice evolves, Sara.
I can't be hemmed in with
preconceived notions about my work.
People love the paintings.
I can't just whip up a painting
and dry it with a hairdryer.
You wanted something today.
This is what I've been working on.
What are they?
I have been working with the idea
of the fallible infallible.
Please don't say that to anyone.
Excuse me, this one's not going
to fit through the door.
Oh, fuck! That's why I said we
should be doing this in a gallery.
It's fine. We'll do it out the back.
It'll be more atmospheric.
Oh, I'll just say
it's about climate change.
Brilliant. See?
Meant to be.
She's the real artist. (LAUGHS)
Who the fuck are you?
ROXANNE: I see you've reached
the food preparation stage
of your "getting over it" process.
My God, Roxanne,
we used to be friends.
We ARE friends.
No friend would stand by
and let me lose everything.
I didn't stand by.
Oh, thanks to your little
cry-baby act yesterday, I went off
And now I've lost everything.
Jordan's been charged with fraud.
Well, he IS a fraud.
What about me, huh?
Why couldn't you trust me
just a little bit,
instead of thinking the worst?
God, I am so sick of this story.
How it's my fault when all I did
was work hard and build a life here.
(SCOFFS) Lady, you sell duck lips
to women you hate.
Your husband is a thief.
You're going to end up looking after
that old bruha when he's in jail.
Roxanne, your life sucks!
Ahhhh!
(LAUGHS)
(SQUEALS) Hey! Not the Dolce!
You need some breadcrumbs.
(LAUGHS)
(BOTH SQUEAL, SHOUT)
And we're going to put this
right here and then we'll frame
the people, you know?
Where are the eco-straws?
How are we supposed to have a bar
without straws? (SHRIEKS)
Outside! In the tubs! Oi.
So what do you think?
We can do better?
I like this one.
Oh, you blend
with the fucking statues.
Well
I need all signs of domestic life
cleared away from my work.
I can't be in the same
fucking space as a barbecue.
I will get Paloma
to give you some interns. Now
Nick, this is Garth, my husband.
The famous Nick.
Gareth, is it?
Garth.
Sorry. Garth.
Thanks, um, for doing this.
Sara's a big fan of your work.
Ha! That's funny. I always thought
it wasn't about the work with us.
Why don't you go
and get started on some drinks?
So, Nick, where do you get
the ideas for your art?
I don't have ideas.
As such.
Ah, I should really get changed
and, uh, find where Evie is.
Yeah, where is Evie?
EVIE: I'm here.
I'm here. Sorry I'm late.
I missed my bus.
Don't worry about it. It's all
How are you? Good?
Oh. Yeah, I'm good. I'm great.
Good.
How are you?
Good.
Um, where are the kids?
Somewhere.
Uh, do you need me to take these?
No, no, no, no,
there's interns to do that.
Uh, Nick, help me with this?
Yeah, sure, Evie, I'd love to help
you move heavy crates of booze
outside.
I mean, that's what artists are for,
right?
(SIGHS)
What are you doing?
I needed to talk to you.
What do we need to do?
You have to act fucking normal.
Jesus, Evie.
You're going to blow this
before we get out of the gate.
Calm the fucking farm.
I'm so sorry.
I forgot what he was like.
No, no, it's alright, it's alright.
It's funny, isn't it?
I always thought
you still had a thing for him,
but he really is awful.
Yeah, sis. (LAUGHS)
God, who's going to clean this up?
Gigi?!
Gigi!
(FUNKY DANCE MUSIC)
(GENERAL HUBBUB)
Oh, beautiful.
Oh, that's lovely.
Thank you, yeah, grab a drink.
Go enjoy the art.
Can you watch them for a second?
You're right.
This was a stupid idea I didn't
think through properly at all.
Maybe I wasn't right.
No, you were.
I think I might be a terrible person.
You have a few good points.
Ahhwish me luck.
Martha. Welcome.
Hello.
So wonderful you could come.
Yeah, what a darling idea, opening
up your beautiful home like this.
Oh, just a casual little soiree
we threw together
Ah.
..that we've been planning
for quite some time.
OK.
Meet my indispensable genius, Evie.
Of course. Love your nanny.
Oh, you must meet my family. Garth!
Garth, come here and meet Martha.
Hi. I know your face.
Nice to meet you.
Yeah, you too.
Yeah, 'cause I'm on her, uh
I need you to distract the husband.
He's obviously picked up on Sara's
intense sexual obsession with me.
You're not having second thoughts,
are you?
Evie?
I'll do it, OK?
Nick! Get in here!
(CLICKS TONGUE)
So it all boils down to a big
misunderstanding with the police.
I'll try to hold it in
out of respect for you
and your lifestyle choices.
When have you ever held anything in,
Mum?
I don't know
what it's going to take
for you to see the woman
for who she really is.
Mum, I know exactly who Roxanne is,
and I know she's way too good
for either of us.
I didn't do it. Why would I steal
from my own family?
(THUMPING DANCE MUSIC)
Do you
(SQUEALS)
On three.
Oh!
(LAUGHS)
(CAMERA SNAPS)
You know, it's not often
life matches up with the brand.
You are the real deal, Sara.
I just love how much
you Americans celebrate success.
You won't believe it,
but there are people in this town
who would take any opportunity
to bring me down.
I've had my dark days
going it alone.
Well, not anymore.
Here's to Here's to strong women
rising together.
Together.
Garth, could you help me?
Sara needs you to get the chairs
out of the garage.
Why?
No-one sits down at these things.
What that woman wants,
that woman gets.
True, Garth?
Ah Hi, excuse me.
Could you help Evie
get some chairs out, please?
Sure. Yeah.
There you go.
Thank you.
Fuck!
Look at all this! Oh.
Not bad, is it?
It's great. Over there.
Who did that?
Hello, I'm Jordan.
I feel like we've met before.
Yes, I work for you.
She's your cleaner,
for Christ's sakes.
Please excuse her.
I AM your cleaner.
Oh, don't be coy, Jordan.
You know all about cleaners.
Sorry, Birdie?
Cleaning people out. Taking them
to the cleaners. I could go on.
That was just a big
misunderstanding.
Soon to be cleaned up
in a court of law.
Excuse us, we need a drink.
What are you doing?
This is a fictional assignment.
I had to do it,
or Sara would be onto me
Put those chairs in the garage.
You're ruining the Feng Shui.
You guys, we did it. It's working.
Martha is eating it up with a spoon.
We just have to unveil this art
and we are home and hosed.
Come on, Nick.
Right behind you, Sara.
Paloma.
I've had enough of you
running interference.
Take this and dump the contents
on Sara's laptop.
What is it?
It's malware.
It'll give me access
to her hard drive.
I'll find out all her secrets,
and her nudes.
Do it, Evie.
Remember, no results, no rewards.
SARA: (TAPS GLASS)
So, without further ado,
I would like to present
Nick Parker-Smith's very new, very
now, very exciting sculptural works.
You know, Sara, before we do,
I'd like to say a few words.
Oh, come on, Nick. You always say
talking about art is bullshit.
I think she's afraid of what
I'm going to say, folks.
GUESTS: Speech! Speech! Speech!
Full disclosure.
Sara and I used to go out.
And leaving this woman
..for New York for my so-called
career was the dumbest thing I did.
And I've done a lot of stupid shit.
I always thought
that I would get over her,
and that she would get over me.
In fact, she told me
that she was over me,
when she rang me to tell me
that she was getting married
a few months
..after I left.
I was knee-deep in Colombian cocaine
and American pussy back then.
Sad to say it hardly registered.
Sometimes you have to learn to live
with the mistakes that you've made.
And sometimes they are just
too big to cover up.
(PANTS)
This show is a tribute, a soliloquy,
a raging against
the dying of the light.
Because, folks,
that is what we came here for.
To live. To love.
To fuck it all up.
To have it all for a second
..and then to lose it again
in the blink of an eye.
Ah, fuck it.
Show 'em.
I give you
..Detritus!
A Love Story!
So, what do you think?
Wow. Smoky Mountain vibes.
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, God.
(LAUGHS)
Oh, my God.
Did you see them? The sculptures?
Ted Scalia was not joking.
(LAUGHS)
I need to tell you something.
It's about Nick.
I made a big mistake.
You didn't fuck him as well,
did you?
That would be a big mistake,
trust me.
I didn't think your plan would work.
So when he offered me this,
I took it.
I'm so sorry, Sara.
Wow. Sopoignant.
It's garbage, fool.
You get it.
You have a discerning eye.
Nick Parker-Smith.
Jordan Waters.
Brutal, man. Brutal.
You got me right in the feels.
You know,
work like this is an investment.
I'm in investment. We should talk.
Let me get you a drink.
Bloody cheers, mate.
(WHOOPING LAUGHTER, CHEERING)
Yeah!
BOTH: Whoo!
Mabuhay, bitches!
Jordan!
What are you doing?
Thought I may as well get some wear
out of it before the Feds take it.
That is my necklace.
You have stolen my diamond necklace.
I most certainly have not.
Jordan?
I don't want to hear another word
out of your mouth.
You are nothing more than a gold
(GASPS)
..digging mail order bride.
I'm not a gold digger.
I'm the fucking gold!
(ONLOOKERS GASP, EXCLAIM)
Oh! Oh!
SARA: You utter bastard!
You tried to turn my nanny
against me.
This is an excellent Aussie party!
How could you? I did all this
for you, you talentless turd.
You did it for yourself, Sara.
You wanted it,
just like you wanted me.
AHHHH!
(ONLOOKERS EXCLAIM)
(SCREAMING, GRUNTING)
(SCREECHES)
(LAUGHS)
Don't you fucking laugh,
you fucking slimy fuck!
(PHONE TRILLS)
I'll put it in the safe for you, Mum.
(PHONE RINGS)
FEMALE VOICE: The number you have
called is currently unattended.
Well, we succeeded
in changing the story.
No-one's going to give a shit
about those shitty pap shots,
not when there's this.
(PHONE RINGS)
(CHUCKLES) Maybe the Americans
will up their offer
when they see Twitter tonight.
I'm trending.
I don't think so.
I saw Martha leave.
Maybe I can split the bribe money
with you?
No! No, no.
You earned that money.
That's all yours.
How much was I worth, by the way?
Three thousand.
Wow!
That hurts.
So what are we going to do now?
'We'?!
Maybe Nick bought you
a few more weeks of my time.
Well, there's only one thing left
to do in a situation like this.
Forget our problems
by getting good and drunk.
Do you drink, Evie?
Mmm.
Ah, thanks
for the change of clothes.
Oh, don't go, Roxanne.
We're always saying
we're going to have a drink.
Now's our chance. Come.
Have a drink.
I don't think we've properly met.
I'm Sara.
I'm Amy. Thank you.
Oh, and this is Evie, my nanny.
No, we know each other.
Very well.
Oh, you do?
Mm-hmm.
You're too good for this world,
Evie.
You didn't tell her, did you?
No.
Yes.
(SCOFFS) I know everything, Sara.
All the nannies know everything.
No, you don't. No, I didn't
I'm broke.
I'm going to lose everything.
No, sorry,
I've already lost everything.
(EXCLAIMS) Join the club!
To losing everything.
Yeah. (LAUGHS)
Well, I can't drink to that.
Unlike you, I really have.
You need cash?
You could sell that bag.
We know a place in Paddington
I know the shop.
But 10 grand? How's that gonna help?
Did you see the rock
I was wearing tonight?
That thing's worth $16 million.
(SPLUTTERS) Shit!
You need cash, you should sell that.
Of course you would suggest that,
Sara.
I'm not a criminal,
I'm a businesswoman.
Who said anything about crime?
What do you mean, I would suggest it?
You are always trying to get
something for nothing.
Why do you think
I have to babysit you at the clinic?
My girls can't say no to you.
Oh. That's not stealing.
That's good business.
That's persuasion.
Oh, sure.
I'll just persuade
my deeply racist mother-in-law
to return to me
the very expensive family heirloom
my husband gave me
without telling her.
Yeah, that'll work.
Oh, fuck that.
Well, if that's what happened,
thenyou should steal it.
We've always done the right thing,
and where has it got us?
In absolute shit.
Hey, if you're gonna do this, I want
a commission because it was my idea.
Stop it.
No-one is stealing anything.
That's right, Evie.
We are taking back
what is rightfully Roxanne's.
You know what?
I don't want a commission.
If we're going to do this,
we're all in on the ground floor.
Four-way even split.
Split the risk, split the spoils.
God, you really are a natural
at this kind of thing.
Oh, my God. Sara is infecting
all of you with her crazy plans.
Crazy plans? I am great at plans.
Hmm!
Whoa
Come on. You said that that plan
was going great until I fucked it,
so, OK, so maybe I shouldn't be
in charge of the plan.
Well, we'll all come up
with a plan together.
After all, we have the ultimate
inside man. Sorry, woman.
(CHUCKLES)
$4 million, Evie. Each.
Think about what you could do
with that.
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
Yeah.
We need this, Evie.
You need this,
maybe the most of all.
Oh, come on, Evie, we need you.
You're the straight man.
You're the sensible one.
You're going to keep
the whole thing on track.
I can't do it without you.
And you know I'm gonna do it,
so what do you say?
Oh, my God.
Yes!
(ALL LAUGH)
BIRDIE: Girls!
Jesus Christ.
Birdie, what are you doing here?
Oh, I, umleft my specs behind.
When do we start?
What are you bringing to the table?
A lifetime of legal expertise.
I'll keep you out of jail.
$2 million apiece.
You can still do a lot
with $2 million.
A minute ago
I was getting $4 million.
My point exactly.
I know useful things like
..you'll never get full whack
for a hot necklace.
And anyway, it's about time someone
around here stuck it to the man.
Yes!
(ALL LAUGH)
Stick it to the man.
(LAUGHTER)
Oh, my God,
I've never done this before.
Oh, wow.
Someone give our lawyer a drink.
Oh, I felt so nervous.
Welcome.
Oh!
(ALL WHOOP, CHEER)
Cheers.
Game on, molls.
(GAMECHANGER BY HYBRO PLAYS)
Captions by Red Bee Media
(c) SBS Australia 2021