The Vince Staples Show (2024) s01e02 Episode Script

1
[pensive music playing]
[phone ringing]
How's it going?
[mouse clicking]
Hi. I'm sorry.
Bathrooms are for clients only.
Yeah, I'm not here for that.
Can I speak to a loan officer?
I'm sorry. What?
A loan officer, you know,
for a small business loan.
- SBA. Low interest
- Mmm. [chuckles]
[phone beeps]
Hi, there's a gentleman here
who wants to speak to someone
about a small business loan.
- [man on phone chuckles]
- [receptionist] Mmm.
Yes.
[receptionist and man chuckling]
- God
- [both continue chuckling]
Bye.
Come with me.
[receptionist chuckles]
Every day I see you is a fine day ♪
Fine- ♪
Mr. Hightower, great to meet you.
I appreciate your time.
I know you don't have much of it,
so I'll get right to it. [clears throat]
What's the number one cause of death
in the Black and brown community?
- Guns
- Sugar.
Mmm.
Cardiovascular disease, diabetes,
cancer, they can all be
linked to the consumption of sugar.
- Hmm.
- And I have the answer for that.
Intriguing.
Uh, what might that be?
I'm glad you asked.
[briefcase opens]
[dramatic music playing]
Kapow!
Introducing Kapow! Pops,
the breakfast of the future.
Oh.
Zero sugar, zero additives,
but full of fiber and nutrients.
It's not only a win for you,
but it's a win for us all.
And, uh, how much capital
are you asking for
to launch this, uh, cereal?
Small investment
of three to five million dollars.
Hmm.
Here's a proposal,
along with some financial documents.
Wow, I haven't seen one of these
in a while.
- [chuckles]
- Uh, now let's have a look.
All right.
Oh, okay.
I'm just gonna be honest with you.
I can tell by looking at the first page
this is not gonna work out.
What's wrong with the first page?
Well, it it says here
that your occupation is "artist."
What What exactly does that mean?
Oh yeah, I'm an artist, you know.
Interdisciplinary, really.
I cycle through various mediums, and
you know a rapper. I'm a
Yep. And there lies our problem,
Mr. Staples.
Um, entertainment is a profession
that we here
consider to be less than ideal.
In order for you to get paid,
the people have to be entertained.
They have to laugh.
They have to dance. They have to get lit.
But one day,
eventually, they stop getting lit.
And when that day comes,
and it surely will,
we still need our money.
You see where
our dilemma lies there, Mr. Staples?
Yeah, um, if you turn to page 16,
though, you can see projections
Projections. Yes
[clears throat] projections.
And I see here
a copy of your record contract,
and it says that you are guaranteed
an advance on all contracted albums.
And I see that there's 15 of those.
Do you happen to know
the amount of the advances?
Yes, I do.
Five hundred thousand dollars. Each.
[laughing]
I'm sorry. I don't mean to make you
feel small, Mr. Staples.
Half a million dollars,
that's a lot of money.
Just not here.
This isn't your ordinary bank.
We're dealing with
more high-net individuals.
They own private islands.
They order luxury doomsday bunkers.
They have a digital consciousness
created for after they die.
Do you have a digital consciousness
created for after you die?
- Like Ghost in the Shell?
- [chuckles]
Uh, I I'm sorry, Mr. Staples.
You seem like a great fellow,
but, um, it's out of my hands.
[briefcase shuts]
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah, okay.
[Vince sighs]
[phone beeps]
[Mr. Hightower] Shirley, can you bring in
my next client, please?
Shit. What's up, boss?
[inhales, exhales]
What's up, little bro?
What the fuck you doin' here?
Shit, man, I'm trying to get this loan
for this business I'm trying to start up.
- Shit, how much you trying to get?
- Couple Ms.
Shit, that's it?
[Vince] Nah, man,
you ain't gotta do all that.
- [man] You sure?
- [Vince] Yeah, it's cool.
I respect it. But look. Here, man.
Want a glass of this Luc Belaire?
[Vince] No, I'm sober,
but it's crazy seeing you here though.
They just told me entertainers don't make
enough money to even bank here.
Shit, they might be right.
But that's why the fuck
you gotta diversify.
You gotta come down
to the promised land, my man.
Two hundred and thirty-five acres.
We farming our own chickens, homie.
Thousands of chickens, thousands.
Running around everywhere,
quack-quack-quack.
Talkin' about next-level shit, homie.
Lemon pepper?
[phone ringing]
[light jazz music playing faintly]
[currency counters whirring]
[briefcase locks]
- [guard grunts]
- [customers gasp]
Everybody on the ground
right motherfuckin' now!
[customers screaming]
Now I'mma tell all y'all,
we don't want no heroes!
We here to steal the bank money,
not your money!
So stay the fuck out the way!
[zip tie fastens]
Nigga with the flowers.
[room silences abruptly]
Hello? Can you hear me? Are you deaf?
The only nigga in here.
Put your hands up
and turn your ass around slowly, dawg.
[customers whimpering]
I know that's not the homie.
Cuh! Cuh! Cuh!
- Oh, ain't no way, boy! What up, cuh?
- [robber 1] Bruh!
Come on, nigga! What it do, nigga?
Cuh, you over here with the Louis!
Hey, give a nigga some love!
Being all bashful and shit, superstar!
Hey! Steve Jobs!
Get the fuck over here right now!
Get his ass.
I'm feeling good, bro!
How you livin', dawg?
I'm good, man.
How your mom and everything?
Oh, she's straight, bro.
A little arthritis, though, a little.
Man, that's unfortunate.
You know what she should really do?
Epsom salt bath.
Epsom salt bath. That's a good idea.
I'm gonna tell her about that, bro.
She only be eating salt.
I'm gonna tell her.
Hey, bro, she gonna be happy
I ran into you, bro.
You was one of my only friends
that she really liked. For real!
I'm dead-ass, bro
Oh, hey! Hey, hey!
Put the Rochelle Ferreros down.
Them ain't for you!
That blue one, that's mines.
Actually, matter of fact, get
Man, wrangle these motherfuckers up.
I don't want them in my eyesight no more.
Shit pissing me off. [grunts]
Damn, bro, you looking good, bro.
You got the Louis Vuitton.
Hey. Oh shit, no, baby. No, no, no.
We ain't gonna do nothing to the baby.
You know what I mean?
We want you to be
How many months are you?
Are you gonna do a gender reveal?
Hey, no, it's good, it's good.
Go over there, elevate the feet,
keep the ankles together. All right?
That's such a blessing, man.
Every time, now.
Yeah, she she carrying it well too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's up with you?
What you doin' way over here?
Oh shit, bro. Not much, can't call it.
I saw this spot up in the, um The, uh
that Jay-Z interviewed on Drink Champs.
You should see it. I'mma shoot it to you.
- Yeah, I'mma check it out.
- You want a, uh, Rochelle Ferrero?
- I had a few. I'm good, man.
- Okay, fasho.
And it's crazy, bro. Come listen.
I'm sitting here thinking about the time
when we was in, um, Miss Barnes' class.
And she she could have swore
we wasn't gonna be shit.
Nigga, look at us now, nigga.
Look at us now.
On top of the world.
Bitch, are you hiding?
Come the fuck out.
Look at this crazy shit.
Bitch, come the fuck
With the fucking They got the Putt-Putt.
Put the fucking golf club
on the fucking green now!
Sit your ass down next to your sister!
About to make me shoot a white bitch.
Don't let that get you outta character.
But look, y'all got all the exits covered?
This shit big-time.
We try to keep
this shit professional, bro.
But no, bro, you on!
You the man, for real.
Hey, y'all know who the fuck this is?
Huh?
[mumbles] ♪with the magic ♪
[continues mumbling] ♪with the magic ♪
Nah? These motherfuckers
ain't got no taste.
No taste. Culture yourselves.
But let's get back to business, bro.
You looking good. You got the Louis.
You got the Louis Vuitton here.
You know what I'm sayin'?
Hey, bro, it's good seeing you!
Hey, when you get out there, lock up.
We trying to keep shit secure.
I got you. But, look, make your money.
- Oh, I'mma make it. I'mma get it fasho.
- [chuckles] I know you get it.
[robber 1] Hey, be safe!
- All right, stay dangerous, loc.
- [Vince] Stay up, stay up!
[officer] This is the Beach PD!
We have the place surrounded!
Come out with your hands up!
- [sirens wailing]
- [clears throat]
I think I'mma kick it
with y'all for a bit. That cool?
[robber 1] Yeah, kick it, bro.
Hey, we can Putt-Putt.
- I'll give you a handicap.
- Hey, give me that thing!
[coffee steamer whirring]
[sirens wailing in the distance]
One of his hands untied.
- What
- [hostage] No, no! No, it's not!
Oh, you think you slick? Come here!
[hostage] No, no, no, no!
Don't hit me in the face! Please
- [robber grunts]
- [clattering]
- [hostage crying]
- [zip tie fastens]
You want one?
Oh, uh, could you do a cloud macchiato?
- Yeah, I got you.
- Uh, but not too much foam, please.
- Yeah.
- All right.
[banging]
[Mr. Hightower] Psst.
Psst.
[whispers] Mr. Staples.
What?
Well, um, I, uh
I noticed that you know the assailants.
Allegedly.
Do you think you could help
get me out of here alive?
Like you helped me earlier with my loan?
Uh, well, kind of the opposite of that.
You know what?
It's out of my hands, man.
Please. I just I don't wanna die.
[sighs]
- I think I might have an idea.
- Yeah! Yes, you name it.
- I want my loan.
- [Mr. Hightower chuckles]
That is ridiculous!
Hey!
No, no. Okay, okay, okay, okay.
- Okay?
- Okay.
Okay, then.
Okay, then.
- [ding]
- [Vince] Negotiator call yet?
Yeah, man. They called and shit.
- [Vince] What he talking about?
- Man, ain't talkin' about shit.
They got the building surrounded.
SWAT's on the way,
you know, regular police shit.
- They so predictable, right?
- They got no imagination.
[both chuckle]
Shit, you tell him how much you wanted?
Yeah. Eight hundred thou-wow.
That's a little light, don't you think?
I ain't greedy. Plus, I got a good job.
We We all union around here, bro.
Yeah.
Then why you doing it?
'Cause I got big dreams, bro.
Plus, I can't ball off double shifts.
It's cool, though.
I got it all mapped out. It's gonna work.
Talk to me.
Okay. So, boom, I've been learning
how to fly on the Oculus, you know?
It's real real,
the flight simulator joint.
So I'm telling him
to put a helicopter on the roof, right?
Take the pilot,
throw him off the building. Light work.
So then I'm thinking, me and my boys,
we flying to the border, probably Mexico.
You know what I'm saying?
[smacks lips] Parachute down.
Somethin' light, nothing crazy.
My boy, he seen an Airbnb up in Tulum.
All right? Bro, I'm telling you,
that shit got Brooklinen sheets,
- Kiehl's products, all right?
- Mmm!
Aromatherapy candles. Bath and Body Works.
A block away from the zip line.
You know, gotta stay active,
gotta stay active.
I'm thinking, shit, I stay down there
at least till, like, spring break.
Okay, um, you thinking,
like, cash or wire?
Wire. Flip it. Turn it into blockchain.
You should look into that shit, bro.
It's the future.
I don't know, man. That blockchain just
It's just so traceable.
I'm thinking maybe cash.
I don't know if I told you this,
but me and the manager right there,
we real cool. We're tight.
And I can probably get him
to open that safe behind you.
Really? What you think you talkin' about?
- Whatever they got.
- Ah.
And I'm thinking maybe you let me
sprinkle some of that on top, you know?
I'm gone do that, bro. You deserve it.
You a hard worker, always have been, bro.
You deserve that shit, for real.
All right, fasho. Let me work on that.
Man, do your thing, bro.
Work that magic, though. Yeah?
I believe in you, bro. Real talk.
Oh, yo, my man, come on.
We discussed this
[Vince clears throat]
So,
they want $10 million.
Ten million dollars?
Uh, that's ridiculous.
[robber 2] Hey, shut the fuck up
before I kill yo ass!
- [hostages gasp]
- Okay, okay.
[Vince] They said $10 million
and a helicopter.
Or, you know,
we can start killing witnesses.
I'll tell 'em you said no.
Execution [imitates gun click]
[Mr. Hightower] It's fine, no.
Um, all of our cash is in the vault,
but I don't have
the code to the vault door.
[Vince] Of course you don't.
Where would I find it?
I don't know. Uh, it's above my pay grade.
Um, but if if if it's anywhere,
it's on the executive floor.
I'm not sure where.
Uh, general manager's office, maybe.
[sighs]
Be right back. Don't go anywhere.
Okay.
[footsteps tapping]
[door opens, door shuts]
[faint humming]
[humming continues]
[Vince] Hey, OG.
You don't gotta do this right now.
The bank gettin' robbed.
You can probably just go home.
Mr. Barclay say sweep, I sweep.
Nigga, what did you just say?
Sh!
Hold your tongue, young man.
You see, my family work
for Mr. Fargo for generations.
Mr. Fargo was a mean, mean man.
But then, on January 2nd, 1863,
Mr. Fargo sold this here bank
and all these properties to Mr. Barclay.
And Mr. Barclay,
he the best I could ask for.
See, he good to me.
When he eat, we eat.
So when Mr. Barclay say sweep,
I sweep.
Now, excuse me, young man,
these here floors
ain't gonna clean themselves.
[continues humming]
God's gonna trouble the water ♪
[continues humming]
[cell phone vibrating]
[Vince] Hello?
[operator] You have a collect call from
The Homie.
[operator] an inmate
from Winfrey Correctional Facility.
To accept this call,
please say or dial five now.
[phone beeps]
Hello?
[The Homie] What's up, cuh?
What you got going?
Shit. At the bank right now.
What's up with you?
Ooh, that's perfect 'cause I need a favor.
Look, let me hold a few dollars.
They got some new paraphernalia.
I'm trying to get an iPhone or something.
Shit. I would, bro,
but the bank actually getting robbed
right now. Can I do that later?
Oh, so you over there with Timothy, huh?
How you know that?
Shit, word travel fast in the pen.
What you doing over there anyway?
You're usually in and out.
Shit, I came to get a loan,
but they wasn't really fucking with me.
You know, typical shit.
Redlining, gaslighting, gatekeeping.
[clanks]
Typical shit.
Man, fuck them.
We don't tolerate no prejudices or racism.
Don't even trip. Shoot me the address
the day I get out, and I
[operator] Your call
is being monitored and recorded.
Shit, bro,
I really appreciate you saying that.
It's been a real difficult day.
[clears throat]
Extremely difficult day.
All right, I'mma tap in with you.
Sound like you got your hands full.
- Hey, but stay dangerous.
- [line ends]
[sighs deeply] Stay dangerous.
[pensive music playing]
[janitor] And then, on January 2nd, 1863,
Mister Fargo sold this here bank
God's gonna trouble the water ♪
[lock ticking]
[lock clicks]
[door hinge creaks]
Hmm.
Hmm.
[woman] Why would I go out with you?
You're a bank robber.
I ain't no bank robber, baby.
I'm a medical assistant.
I just do this sometimes with the homies.
Everybody needs hobbies. [chuckles]
[woman] Aren't you a felon?
Allegedly.
Look, baby, I'm six foot sexy. All right?
Light brown caramel complexion,
and these my real teeth. Holler at me.
[chuckles]
Listen, when you get outta here,
why don't you go follow my page?
Northside underscore Tim Tha Loc.
Remember that.
I'm not gonna lie to you.
You cute as hell.
- Me and you, we go together. You feel me?
- [Vince clears throat]
Hey, I'm working here, homie.
- I can change
- [Vince] We got a problem.
[officer over bullhorn]
The bank is surrounded!
- There are no exits for you!
- One moment.
[officer] Put your weapons down
and come out with your hands up!
What the fuck?!
How we the second robbery here today?
In all fairness,
you the first robbery here today.
This was a heist.
What's the difference?
It's simple.
You do a heist, you George Clooney.
You rob a bank,
you Queen Latifah.
[Timothy scoffs]
- Queen Latifah!
- [automatic gun firing]
[spits]
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
- Let it out.
- Fuck Queen Latifah, man!
So, we not goin' to Tulum?
Fuck a Tulum!
We ain't got no fuckin' money, Timothy!
- Okay, Nicky.
- [spits]
Fuckin' shit!
- Come on.
- [Nicky] Fuck!
[Vince] It's okay.
We'll get him through it.
[Nicky] Fuck! [groans]
God damn it!
[Vince] Don't worry, bro.
[sirens wailing]
[Nicky sighs, sucks teeth]
Was that a bit overzealous, bro?
[Vince] A little bit.
I get the feeling
that it's something you're suppressing.
And if you wanna share anything with me,
this a safe space.
[Nicky] Bro, remember when I was saying
all that stuff about, like,
everything's going great
and, like, Tulum and all that?
Everything ain't great, bro.
That was my ego talking.
You know,
I just wanna feel like I'm enough, man.
You know, I'm trying to be up in here,
like you, bro.
With all these white folks, you know.
They wouldn't even give me a loan, bro.
Real shit?
Dead honest.
But it's cool
'cause today taught me something.
Money's not everything.
I mean, look at these people.
Of course, they rich, powerful, but
they ugly.
Super.
At the end of the day,
true happiness comes from within.
- [Nicky sighs]
- [gentle music playing]
Honestly, bro,
you a real beacon of hope, man.
I try to be.
- [sighs] I'm gonna get on outta here.
- All right, bro.
- Getting late.
- Your presence gonna be missed, for real.
- All love, bro.
- Yeah.
Yeah, all love. Oh, and I had an idea
I wanted to run by you.
Um
In the movies, they always let out
two hostages at a time, man.
That might help with your case.
Hey, man, you a sharp dude, bro.
Like, I should've had you
with us on the crew.
- Ah, man, just call me next time.
- I got you. True.
- Pshh, who you thinkin'?
- Uh
Mmm
Oh, well, my man is waving.
[Vince] He is the manager.
[sighs] Come on, Perry Ellis.
[Nicky sighs]
Oh, bro, you know, if you see Bri
and stuff don't work out with marriage,
let her know
I've been studying the love languages.
[officer] Come out with your hands up!
- [Vince] Did you piss on yourself?
- Hmm? No, no. I perspire heavily.
Hmm.
Fine day ♪
[Vince] Y'all do low-interest, right?
Yeah.
[Vince sighs]
[officer] Put your fuckin' hands up!
Hands in the fuckin' air!
- [Vince] You doin' okay?
- Yeah. Are you hot?
[indistinct chatter]
[groans]
- I wouldn't do that if I were
- [cop 2] He's got a gun!
[gentle music playing]
[mellow music playing]
[vocalizing]
[music fades]